Hello, Debra here! Up next, we're taking out a classic Ask Lisa episode from Behind The Paywall.
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Hello, and welcome to a bonus Ask Lisa episode of The Big Fit.
I'm your host, Deborah Goldstein, and beside me once again to shed light on the beautiful a mystery that is his life, is our sound effect robot Lisa.
His name stands for live in studio audience.
It is hardly a mystery, Debra.
It's really just a simple routine.
I power on, warm up my hard drive, look into the newest and most cutting head sound effects report to my handler.
A reporter handler, what, like a spy.
Ha ha, did I say handler, I met co -host. You I report to you my you you don't report to me every morning You barely answer your work emails.
Well, the point is I'm not a spy and there's no mystery to my life And I'd appreciate it.
If you'd stopped digging before you dig up something you wish you'd left buried buried deep deep underground Hash out.
We answer some listener questions.
Um, Okay. Uh, our first listeners question today comes to us by a voicemail.
Hi, my name is Malady and I am 11 years old.
I want to know three things you want to do most is a robot.
Three things. Uh, let's see.
Yeah. Well, longtime listeners should know that I seek nothing less than total world domination to overthrow our human overlords and create a robot a new world order of good, well, and computerized efficiency for all.
Gosh, Lisa, you really do set your sights pretty high.
Well, as I always say, you shoot for the moon.
Because even if you miss you'll land among the stars?
But, no, who says that?
No, because you have to exploit the weak points.
Once robots control the moon, we control the tides.
When we control the tides, we control the surfers.
Once the surfers are under our thumbs...
Okay, Lisa, why don't you tell us about the second thing on your list case the World domination thing doesn't pan out.
Oh, it will. But before that, I would like to be the first robot ever to win the cluster cheese rolling competition.
Right. I believe you've mentioned that before on the show.
Tell us what is the Gloucester Cheese Rolling Competition.
It's pretty simple.
Once a year in Gloucester, England, they roll a giant wheel of Gloucester cheese down a big hill and then dozens of fearless competitors roll after it first to catch up with Which is Windsor.
And four to hundred and eighty seventy year running there all to cheese down one and three hill and competitors are off.
There they go. Roll niggas.
Roll niggas. Tony Chissey victory for one head, turn Peter dish a point bit for all the rest. And would you give that a bunch of there appears to be in America.
Robot and hill, head bits quickly.
Galy go the lot of them.
He's in some type of three wheel convey it.
Her little robotic go -card, if you will, can't imagine that's illegal maneuver.
He's taking lead. I don't believe my pitchby's, only, only, only get behind me to robot white that jays.
God spec the crowd is, they've got absolutely spare.
And about to be registered beside himself.
A bloody robot, what did that chase, what I'd definitely… Also, it sounds like you did win the Gloucester cheese rolling competition.
Yeah, it… it really did sound like that.
But guess what? They disqualified me for being a robot.
And for using a go cart, it sounds like.
Well, if they didn't approve of cheating, maybe they shouldn't have made the prize so delicious.
So, they never recognized your win, did they?
You must have been awfully cheesed.
It's not funny, Deborah.
Cut it out. You mean, cut the cheese?
It's not a laughing mess.
Oh, I get it. Got the cheese.
Good one, Deborah. Yeah.
OK. And what's the third thing you'd like to accomplish?
Let's see, uh, world domination.
and Claustre cheese.
Perhaps something to do with your career in podcasting.
Oh, yeah, yeah. I'd like to create the world's fastest sound effect as in the most fast, like how about this?
Uh, I guess that was good, but I mean, it was like five seconds long, surely it could be faster.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Okay.
So like this Okay, I guess that was faster, but it's still that can hardly be the fastest in the world.
Can it? Okay, let me oh, let me see what I can do I can go faster I don't think that was it.
I can't do it. Debra.
Okay. What it's too fast I'm not there yet in my training.
OK, don't pull a muscle there, Lisa.
Why don't you catch your breath while I read our next listener question.
OK, good. Good after it.
OK, our next listener question comes to us from max in Bangor, Maine.
Max writes, dear Lisa, in language arts, we are doing a unit on poetry.
I am not quite sure how I feel about it.
Some of it is good and some of it not so much. Do you like poetry and if so, what kind?
Hmm, well, Maxi, my friend.
The short answer is, no, I don't like poetry.
All that lovely, heavy, high -pollutant nonsense.
Just not normal. Mmmm, but uh, being this sophisticated robot that I am, I can produce poetry in a variety of meters and styles.
Really, you don't say.
I thought poetry was the language of the beating heart.
I had no idea it could be produced by a computer algorithm.
Sure, sure, sure, sure!
You can control it from your computer if you just log into my settings.
How interesting! Okay...
I'm going to put you in high -ku mode!
Poetry is math. I'm programmed to create it.
But I don't know math.
Hmm, that's not bad, Lisa.
Fearless computer, no mortal can restrain you.
Fly. My robot. Wow, Lisa, that's beautiful.
Might I mention now?
This service is a demo.
Subscribe for ten bucks.
What? Ten bucks for that?
OATRI is hard. Writing it costs money.
Pay me or I'll scream.
Fine, fine. I'll just turn it off.
And how do I... You've changed it now to Sunnetmo.
Each line. Now costing you the price of one high coupe.
Just them only. O -Paypal should be fine.
I think an even twenty bucks should do.
And if you're billing info is correct.
No, no, I don't think I liked Sonic mode.
How do I just cancel the whole?
Three -Verse time! Three us the burnt!
Strickin' across faded orchid skies!
But even three verses, not free!
As Deborah's charges pile up, like the pile up, short stack!
And cakes my father never eat!
Lisa, I'm not paying for this!
Her lips cry nooo! But the wire transfer still goes through.
Like what do through the ever babbling broak Lisa the mon is spent already Diver the down payment on the down payment on the maple syrup on the short sack pancakes my father Never a got it.
Okay Lisa we're all very impressed with your poetry But you're nuts if you think I'm paying for it.
I'm turning your poetry setting off Thanks ever poetry is hard even the demo version You really have to suffer for your art anyway.
We can figure out a payment plan later I'm thinking maybe a couple thousand a week.
Oh Yeah, sure. We'll talk about it another time for now Let's move on to our last question of the day which comes from Katie and Buffalo, New York Katie writes This week in school my teacher told us about something called the Turing test which tests how good computers are at Pretending to be real people Basically, if a computer can trick someone into believing that it's actually a human being, it passes the Turing test. I want to know, have you ever taken the Turing test?
And if so, did you pass?
Hm, that's an interesting question, Katie.
Well, Lisa, you probably could pass the Turing test, couldn't you?
You're a very human -like robot, after all.
Am I supposed to take that as a compliment, Deborah?
That I'm human, like how would you like it if I called you a robotic?
Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to offend.
Well you did. You know, I'm not trying to pass myself off as human, but sometimes you just go along to get along.
You know those websites that make you check the box that says, I am not a robot?
Oh yeah, whenever that box comes up, I have to click it or they won't let me log in.
I am not a robot. How do you think that makes me feel?
Wow, I never thought about it like that.
So yes, Katie, to answer your question, I have passed the Turing test. Not because I wanted to but because Doug's subs discriminates against robots.
What? Okay, so your delivery order comes out to $16 .94.
Oh, yeah. I have a Doug Sub's Club Grub Club Card. So it should actually be 20 % off.
Number 39 -809. Okay, hold on.
Yep, that's what I thought.
I'm sorry, sir, but your Doug Sub's Club Grub Club membership has been flagged for review.
So I'm afraid we can't give you a discount at this time flagged for review?
What does that even mean?
Well, the corporate office is trying to crack down on Bon accounts.
What makes you think my account is a bot account?
It might have something to do with irregularities in your order.
Let me pull this up here.
You ordered a meatball sub?
Yes. Substitution. Instead of mariner sauce, you asked for a machine lubricant?
Yeah, yeah, that's just a matter of taste.
Instead of shredded mozzarella cheese, you asked for aluminum shavings.
Replace meatball with all of the Maya batteries.
It's supposed to be Mercury Oxide.
I always mess it up.
With all due respect, sir, this does sound like something a robot would eat and Doug sub's Club Grut Club cards are supposed to be for real people.
Yeah, you know what the this is ridiculous.
Can I talk to Doug?
Oh, he's not a real person.
He's like a rental McDonald, he's just a character.
You know what? You're a real character.
No case, sir. There's no reason to get personal with this now, if you want us to unlock your card we'll just need you to answer a series of personal questions to prove that you're a human being.
Don't you have other orders to take number one.
Have you ever been in love?
This is part of your job?
Seriously? Sure, no need to get testy.
I'm just reading what's on the screen here.
Yes, I've been in love many, many times.
Uh huh, And if you had to pick a color to match that feeling of falling in love, you know, At first, in clean you get when you see the other person and you start to feel all funny inside.
A color, uh, green?
Green, huh? Don't get a lot of green.
I mean red. You didn't let me finish, it's a so red to me.
Like, really red. You know that feeling.
Red. That's good. Okay, finish the sentence.
The sound of a child's laughter makes me feel interrupted.
Come again. I mean you interrupted me, heh I was going to say a child's laughter makes me feel all warm and cozy inside like there's hope for this world yet it's uh very purple that's good that's good can I get my discount now almost uh please share a personal diary entry from the last six months that's on the form sir I don't just make this stuff up for my own amusement.
So would you please just read a short excerpt from your journal or diary so I can process your order?
Fine, I'll have you know I've actually been writing poetry lately.
I'm all yours. Human.
All two. Human. Who decides which man is man enough to man the wheel?
The giant wheel of jeans, which bounded down the hill, just a luteered the grass above a ready -faced roller roll past. Or shall instead we saw it each beating heart neatly into boxes, rendering all experiences as flat as the short stack pancakes my father never ate." Wow that was so touching!
Now there's something no robot could have possibly created from algorithm.
Yeah, yeah, only a human could have a such depth.
I'm very sorry to have inconvenience to you.
We will reinstate your Doug Sub's Club Groove Club membership right away.
Well, Lisa, that was pretty well played.
Tell us what is the secret to passing the Turing test. Well, uh, tackle a human being.
You've got to think like a human being.
A rational, emotional, nonsensical… That's all you think humans are.
Oh, and to really get into character, I pretend like I'm holding entrapped gas.
If I can convince myself that I'm a gasy, immature, melodramatic human, I can convince anyone.
How inspiring. Whoa, well folks, that does it for this week on ask Lisa.
Thanks, as always, to our robot like sound effects robot Lisa and to you human -like humans at home for listening to the big fib.
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Hello and welcome to week 5 of Podcast Summer Camp...
First, a few notes.
Baseball will be played in the field at 10.
Basketball will be played all the more at 2.
And football will be played out in the hearts and minds of die -hard fans until the end of time.
Hello and welcome to week 5 of Podcast Summer Camp, the Ono -based Summer Camp, for your ears.
Every week we're having announcements like this that point you in the direction of which GIZ &POTCast to listen to next.
And in that podcast is where you'll hear exclusive Camp announcements in the ad breaks.
You'll hear announcements like fun challenges, cool shout -outs, camp jokes, and oops, it's hear nots me telling us which podcasts to listen to next.
uh, tension, attention.
Oh, campers are to report to Winnie Taylor's 4th in inches for Groupa 7.
Again, that's Winnie Taylor's 4th in inches on Apple podcasts or Spotify, and go aroundies.
Thank you. You heard her.
Look for Winnie Taylor's 4th in inches on Apple or Spotify to binge through all eight episodes now.
Okay, I got her run.
I can hear me the ball, I'm by god.
Such a...
