Hey, it's your friend Mel and welcome to the Mel Robbins podcast.
I am rolling in here with a crazy story to tell you about a friend of mine that called me a couple days ago.
And it gives me the opportunity to talk about triggers.
You know triggers people in your life that trigger you.
You're rotating people that you don't really like.
I know you're supposed to like everybody.
You don't like them and you see them winning or someone's success that really bugs you or a situation that's happening in your life.
You're just like, ah, well, your triggers are your greatest teachers.
And today I am going to unpack three different triggers that you will experience in your life.
I'm going to tell you what they are.
More importantly, I am going to flip them into the biggest learning opportunities of your lifetime.
And I'm going to do it telling you a story about this friend of mine and two crazy embarrassing stories about me.
Also that you don't have to learn these lessons about the three triggers the hard way like I did.
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Hey, it's Mel. I am so happy you're here with me today.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for tuning in and choosing to spend some time with me.
I also think it's super cool that you're listening to something that could change your life.
And by the way, today's conversation, there is no doubt this will change your life.
I am showing up with some kind of attitude and energy and I am in the Boston studios and there is some sort of just gale force win that is going outside.
You might hear the swirl in my voice or you might hear it outside, but boy, oh boy, do I have something to share with you.
Okay, so the other day I was talking with a friend of mine and I'm just going to call my friend by the name Molly.
Molly has an interior design business and just to set the table, she's extremely talented.
I mean, Molly has been doing the interior design thing for years.
She has employees. She has a bunch of jobs that she's always working on.
And the last couple times that she and I have connected, she would always ask me for advice about social media and she would be asking me questions like, you know, Mel, how can I get myself out there?
If you are starting where I'm starting, what would you be doing?
I know I need to be doing more in the social media and the marketing space and the digital marketing for my business, but I don't know where to start.
And I would always give her all kinds of things that she could do.
I would talk about courses she could take.
I would talk about the fact that she could just tip or toe in the water and start posting every day to kind of get used to it.
She could start on Pinterest.
I've referred her to accounts to follow.
And I know that this is something that a lot of people struggle with.
How to put yourself out there on social media because it's a little overwhelming.
I get it. It took me a long time to get into a rhythm with the way that I do it too.
So the other day, Molly calls me and I could tell some was off.
And when I asked her, Molly, what's wrong?
I mean, you don't sound like yourself.
Is everything okay with the kids?
She said, yeah, yeah, the kids are fine.
I'm not. And I said, well, what happened?
She said, well, something the other night just really triggered me.
I saw something and it just sent me into a spiral mail.
I have been crying ever since I feel like I've just made a major mistake in my business.
And so I'm listening and I'm thinking, what the hell could have happened?
My gosh, like this is really serious.
Well, it turns out that someone in the neighborhood who has no interior design expertise.
This is a person that my friend Molly knows she's known her for a while because they all met in a mom's group and she's known her because they kind of raised their kids in the same town and without disclosing names.
This person, not exactly my friend Molly's favorite person.
You know, the kind of person in a friend group who draws the attention to themselves, maybe they're always talking about themselves kind of loud, someone just kind of rubs you the wrong way.
And you maybe have somebody like this in your life where you think you're the kind of person where you're like, yeah, yeah, I just want everyone to win.
I'm a positive person. I cheer for everyone.
Just not this person. You and I aren't going to name any names.
Everybody has someone like that in mind.
Okay, well, that was this person for my friend Molly.
And so all of a sudden this woman is now, quote, getting into the design business and it just rub Molly the wrong way.
This person, as Molly explains, they didn't go to school for this like I did.
I studied for years. I have all these accreditions.
I've been doing this for years and all of a sudden everybody's talking about how talented she is.
And then the next thing you know that this person that is irritating to my friend Molly is posting on social media.
And next thing you know this person's posts are starting to blow up.
And now this person is starting to get thousands of likes on her Instagram photos of literally just photos of her own house, which just burns Molly alive because Molly's like, you didn't even decorate your own house.
And now this irritating person is going live on TikTok and she's on Instagram giving design tips and people love her, which really burns Molly.
And so last night, my friend Molly after a long day of work dealing with her clients puts the kids to bed sits down on the couch turns on the TV picks up her phone.
She starts scrolling on social media and guests who is all over her feed this irritating woman and Molly right there on her couch in her house loses her freaking mind.
And so I just sat there and I listened and as I'm telling you this story about my friend Molly, I know you've had this experience.
Maybe the situation is similar to the one my friend Molly is in.
Maybe you're in the real estate business and you've been doing this for a decade and then all of a sudden there's this brand new person that enters real estate and suddenly they have the $3 million listing down the road.
I mean what the heck it's triggering.
We've all been there right.
And so after I listen for a while Molly takes a breath and she goes.
Mel, what do you think I should do?
And I paused because the truth is I've been in her shoes more times than I would like to count.
And I knew because I've been there that Molly didn't need a pity party.
She did not need me to be feeling sorry for her.
What she needed was for someone to kick her in the ass and to be brutally honest.
And before I tell you what I told her, which is also something that you need to hear.
I want you to just stop and think of that friend or maybe it's someone online that you don't know, but their success really bugs you.
Maybe you feel like they don't have the right qualifications or the right skills or you just don't feel like they deserve the attention they're getting and it's irritating you.
Do you have that person at mind?
Good. Because I want to tell you the same thing that I told my friend Molly and I want you to remember this.
The next time you find yourself triggered because you will.
And the next time you get triggered and you start feeling sorry for yourself.
And you start being annoyed that this other person has the thing that you want.
I want you to remember that pity is not what you need because no one should feel sorry for you.
And I don't feel sorry for you.
In fact, if you are triggered right now from someone else's success, I'm happy for you.
The reason why that I am happy for you is because whoever or whatever is triggering you is here to teach you something.
And what I told my friend Molly is Molly, I don't feel sorry for you.
And you shouldn't be mad at this irritating woman.
You should be thanking her.
Crickets. I was like, you there Molly?
Silence. That's right.
You should be thanking her because this irritating woman is teaching you something.
And by the way, she's not teaching you about what she has.
She is teaching you that you aren't doing simple things every day that are leading you to where she is.
And clearly you want it, which is why you're triggered.
In fact, I don't think anyone else on the planet can teach you this lesson Molly.
And it has to be her. It has to be this irritating woman who is the one that is successful.
And let me tell you why. Because my friend Molly already follows all the successful interior designers that are creators online she already follows Leanne Ford and Jake Arnold and studio McGee and Joanna and shipgains and Amber Lewis.
She follows them all. And if you like interior design, you probably follow them too.
Well, none of those people have inspired Molly to get serious about social media and marketing.
It had to be that irritating woman with no experience.
I just want to make sure that as you're listening to me, you're going to make this relevant.
So I want you to stop and think about something you want before I unpack this.
Like maybe you want to become a professional golfer or maybe you want to get a job in sports marketing or maybe you want to start flipping houses.
There is somebody who is famous and successful that's already out there doing it, but they're not inspiring you to get started or they're not inspiring you to stick with the tedious boring things that you need to do.
And this was my point to my friend Molly.
It has to be this irritating woman because you've been watching all these famous interior designers.
You've been talking about doing social media for five years.
But you have all these all they have a team.
They have a this. They do that.
They have time. They have the other thing because there's so much distance between you and the people that you're following online.
But this irritating woman.
Holy cow, if anything, you've got more qualifications than she does, which is why it has to be her.
She's triggering you because she's showing you that you are capable of doing the thing you've been avoiding too.
And in fact, this is the interesting thing about people that trigger you in this regard.
You need to be thanking them because you're not actually mad at them.
The truth is you're mad at yourself because you know that you should be doing the little things every day that get you where you want to go when it comes to social media.
Because let's just stop and ask ourselves, why is this woman that my friend Molly doesn't like going viral?
Oh, oh, she has some just unbelievable unicorn strategy that nobody's thought of before.
No. She's going viral the same way everyone is by putting content out every single day.
I mean, just imagine what what what a genius idea that you would show up on social media and talk about your business and you would do it every single day and eventually things would start to build.
Imagine that imagine that you could hire someone to help you do this.
Imagine that you could take one less client in your interior design business and then spend the time doing the thing that you're avoiding.
And here's what I love about this story.
Your triggers are your greatest teachers not because they show you what you need to be doing.
They do that. All right.
But because they galvanize your anger.
And you're not angry at them.
And that's where I think we miss the incredible teaching here.
You're angry at yourself for not doing what you need to be doing.
So whoever it is that's triggering you number one, it had to be them.
Because no one else has come along that is waking you up.
And I also want to be clear about something you don't have to be happy for their success.
In fact, I do not want you to be fake about it.
Molly shouldn't go to this woman's post assert liking it and being like you go because she doesn't mean that she's got to take the lesson and galvanize the anger and get herself moving.
And today we're going to be talking about getting real and we're going to talk about the real power that your triggers have and how they can push you forward.
And in fact, I'm one of them because part of my success is that I keep showing up.
And today I am going to teach you that a critical part of your success is being on the lookout for three different types of triggers that are going to show up in your life.
And Molly just taught you one of those triggers.
Trigger number one is when the irritating person in your life gets what you want and to just kind of unpack this a little bit more 90% of the time when there is an irritating person that has what you want.
It's because they are showing up every day and they're putting in what I call the reps.
That's what you do at the gym.
You just put in the reps and then the muscle builds over time.
And yeah, I will acknowledge that there's probably 10% of the people that are triggering and irritating that just showed up.
You know, the trust fund babies like half the influencers in their 20s on social media these days where the grandparents did the work another living off the money from the grandparents and they're posting all these fancy photos traveling around the world.
That's not who I'm talking about.
I'm talking about the 90% of the time when someone irritating is triggering you because they have something that you want and you don't like that it's them.
But what they're there to show you and what you're probably not seeing is all the little things that they've been chipping away at the boring the hard stuff the things they've been doing in the dark while you weren't watching over and over and over and over again.
And you know what you're angry about?
You're angry at yourself because you didn't start doing it 10 years ago.
You're angry that you keep making excuses.
You're angry that you didn't turn it into a project and prioritize it.
And so you needed to learn from them that this matters.
And what I'm here to do is to help you recognize that when it happens that this type of trigger is number one natural and normal.
And so we're going to take a quick break and I want you to forward this to someone someone in your life who's been complaining about someone who's irritated by somebody who's triggered by something going on in your life and send this to them because that way they're going to stop complaining to you and let Mel Robbins be the one that ignites action.
All right, I'll be waiting for you after short breaks day with me.
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If you're a small business owner I know that you listen to this podcast because you're looking for ways to show up better in your business and your life and you also want to know how to grow your business and regardless of the type of business that you run I'm sure you know one thing is true you have to market your business online because your customers are online whether you're B to C or B to B you've got to have a paid media strategy meaning you got to be running ads online I know you know this but I bet you haven't even thought about running ads on LinkedIn I love LinkedIn ads it has been such an effective way to build my business and grow aspects of my business over the years because my team and I know that we're reaching the right people every single time I love the targeting and measurement tools and by the way 79% of B to B content marketers said LinkedIn produces the best results for paid media stop wasting your time in your money get serious about your strategy and your marketing and your business with linked in ads make B to be marketing everything it can be and get a hundred dollar credit on your next campaign just go to LinkedIn dot com slash Mel to claim your credit that's LinkedIn dot com slash Mel terms and conditions apply breaking news the peanut butter group and chocolatey corp have merged to create PBC ink and the byproduct of the merger is the new delicious giff peanut butter and chocolate flavored spread the press releases out and get this critics tried to say it creates a monopoly on credibility but obviously I mean it's not illegal to be irresistible calling it now this will revolutionize the snack industry in the contents of your pantry visit PBC Incorporated dot com to try the flavor merger of the century giff PBC welcome back I am so glad that you're here and if somebody forwarded you this episode that's a good friend that's a good friend because they want to see you win and in order for you to win you got to understand how to apply this knowledge and we're talking about three different types of triggers that you encounter in life and how you can flip those into situations that become your biggest teachers that ignite change trigger number one is when the irritating person in your life gets what you want this type of trigger is number one natural and normal but number two it's a gift.
It's a very painful gift you can imagine it's like handed to you in this disgusting sticky gross paper and you got a tear through it and what you're going to find inside when you're really unwrap this gift is you're going to find fuel to motivate yourself what kind of fuel anger.
Anger is a very important motivator and you need to use it and so let me just focus on my friend Molly for a minute because she's been talking about jumping into social media marketing for five freaking years.
Just like you've been talking about writing that book or starting that YouTube channel talk is cheap you know you need to do something and you also know because you listen to this podcast that thinking about something is not the same thing is doing it and inspiration is not enough to get you motivated to do something.
So inspiration is cheap and as I've already explained to you one of the reasons why it can be really demoralizing to stare at so many people that are successful ahead of you.
Is because you're present to the gap I mean why do you think it took me so long to start this podcast because I saw all these incredible successful people in front of me and I felt like I'm never going to get there.
So as much as it is inspiring to see that it's possible to get something done it is inspiring to see that that's where I want ahead.
You can't stay there because all you see is the gap and that's going to be hard to keep yourself motivated to try to close and that's why anger.
Is really important because it's a very different emotion that's why your triggers are your teachers that's why that person on social media or the irritating one in the moms group or all of a sudden Aaron down the hall all of a sudden he's quitting his job and he's working full time at a custom boat business that he's been working on in the dark while you've been busy running spreadsheets that's why it triggers you.
Because the people you know that do it you can't make excuses for why you haven't you can't make up an irritating story for the person who's sitting next to it work who now just quit because they've been build in a business on their weekends why you've been doing something else because you know there's no superpower there's no trust fund there's no upper hand they just started doing it.
And that's why it had to be them that's why that irritating person is your teacher because you're confronted that your excuses are just excuses that it is possible and you're also going to come to learn that it's normal to be upset totally perfectly normal but if you're serious about being successful.
You have no time and you do not have the right to be upset if you have not been doing the tedious boring stuff that leads you to the thing that you want.
And so that is trigger number one really important really painful it's going to happen a lot in your life so get ready for it welcome it learn how to use it.
The second type of trigger holy smokes this one was a doozy for me and this was a extremely painful experience and it's about being in a situation where you have no idea what you're doing alright so there's a difference between imposter syndrome and literally having no idea what you're doing and that's what this story is about.
So I'm going to try to make a long story short but I once talked myself into a job that I had no idea how to do.
Even telling you this story I'm sitting here so embarrassed by this but I had left the practice of law back in 1999 and jumped into the first dot com startup boom here in Boston and I had this extraordinary experience working for a certain kind of a story.
Working for a startup here in Boston number four person in the door I had a front row seat to building a company that was in the content space we put up all kinds of online test it was absolutely amazing but what happened is that company got this funding from a venture capital form in San Francisco and they were requiring the company to move.
Now I had a baby at home I had a baby inside me I was pregnant my employer did not know and so I needed to get a job and I started to go out for interviews I ended up talking my way into a job to be the senior vice president.
Of content for a company that was building a platform we're talking back in the day 2001 that was connecting creators like graphic designers and video editors and people that did all kinds of creative services now this was like before Facebook and so they were building this marketplace online and I was all excited and the reason why I got the job is because I could talk a big game.
Because I had had a front row seat to watching this incredible startup get built but here's the thing I didn't do any of the things that I could talk about so I could talk about what I had seen but I couldn't actually execute it and so I land this job I get a great salary I'm all excited we're in a beautiful startup space and I show up for my first day.
And I realize as I'm sitting there I don't have a clue what I'm freaking doing not clue and I didn't say anything I sat there I I went to that job every single day for six months and I sat there at my desk and I typed my little emails and I pretended to look busy because I didn't have a clue what the hell I was doing.
And eventually the people that ran the company figured it out and one day sure enough every day I would go in there it was so triggering because I knew it's not just that I felt like a fraud I knew I was so out over the tips of my skis I knew I had no idea what was going on and talk about being a dummy I didn't spend my time trying to figure it out I spent my time hiding just pretending.
Just being there just doing the best that I could I never said a thing and then there was one day where the two founders called me very publicly it was an open floor plan so I'm sitting in this loft space and I get called in and I'm feeling kind of funky like oh my god they're going to ask me a question I don't know the answer I'm going to have to fake it again.
And they sat me down and they said Mel I said yes and they said we think you're awesome as a person and they said but you don't have a clue about what you're doing to you and I said no I don't.
Silence. I mean complete.
Just you want to talk about being triggered completely called out on my BS.
At work by the founders in a glass conference room I was told that my things were being packed up as I was sitting in there and that's when you get this feeling that everybody behind you knows that this is happening it's like the world's worst breakup the box is being carried out to my car.
I remember like saying to myself don't cry don't cry because I was one of the only women that worked there in a sea of engineers I had no idea what anybody was doing or what they were talking about or what to do in this job I just pretended.
And I walked out looking at my feet I didn't even look straight ahead just like look down look down get up and as I walked through the door and that door closed behind me it was one of those doors that when it's swing shot it sort of sends us like at your back in your hair kind of flies forward.
And I'll tell you something.
Having someone call you out on your BS is one of the most triggering things that could ever happen to you.
When somebody says you're cheating are you or you're drinking again are you or you spent that money I gave you didn't you or you didn't get the job and you've been pretending you did or you don't know what you're doing.
And here's the thing I want to tell you about that extraordinarily triggering thing because I'm not going to lie to you it was so embarrassing I felt so ashamed I felt mortified I was mad at myself I was mad at myself not just for lying about my capability but then pretending for so long but I was also mad that while I was sitting there I didn't do anything to actually do.
I didn't do anything to try to ask for help and so as painful as it was to sit for six months in a job that I was royally screwing up pretending everything's cool.
This was a key to my success let me tell you why without that trigger I wouldn't be the person that I am today without the trigger of someone calling me out on being a liar I'm not saying I don't know what I'm doing I would have never have learned what a superpower is to say at any moment I don't know what I'm doing to say I don't know the answer to say I've never done that before or to say you know this is way out of my comfort level but I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to say I'm not going to don't put off learning that language.
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Welcome back. It's your friend Mel.
You and I are talking about three different triggers in life that are your biggest teachers and how to flip them from these really just painful or irritating or just like the story you just heard embarrassing awful moments where you're hiding into teachers that help you become more powerful.
Now, I promised a third story.
So let's now talk about the third trigger and the third type of trigger is those moments in your life where you're playing small.
Because you're scared.
Now, this is that imposter syndrome trigger that feeling like you're a fraud and here's the thing about imposter syndrome.
Imposter syndrome is when you're in a situation where you want to be successful and no one around you is underestimating you.
You are underestimating your capability.
See, in the situation I just told you where I was fired for that job, I was an underestimating anything.
I was lying and pretending that's very different.
But there are situations in your life where you have the capability to alert.
You have the capability to step out of the tiny little box you put yourself in.
But even though people around you are giving you more or telling you go for that job like apply to the better school like start that business.
I see something bigger for you.
You keep yourself small.
And that happened to me at the very beginning of my speaking career.
When I first started getting paid to give speeches about the five second rule, we're talking 2013, 2014 here.
My husband and I were in so much debt that I didn't feel worthy of getting paid a lot of money.
And the other thing that was really working against me and that kept me feeling really small is that I just felt like if I asked for more money, people would not hire me.
And so I had to keep my fee small because that way more people would book me.
And then all of a sudden this thing happened.
I gave a speech in Vegas at a big event for event planners.
And somebody saw me speak and they were wowed.
Thank God. And they decided, okay, I'm going to take a shot and I'm going to book this woman for an event that I am organizing and creating for a massive publicly traded bank.
I'm talking like a Fortune 50 bank.
The CEO and the chief HR officer were doing an executive retreat.
And I did not charge a lot of money because I was scared to charge a lot of money.
I didn't think I was worth it.
I was afraid people wouldn't book me.
Who's going to who's going to pay a woman like that?
X amount of dollars. I mean, she doesn't have a book.
She's not a celebrity. She's not some fancy pants person.
How was she worth that? And so I kept myself small despite the fact that friends of mine in the business told me you got a charge more dude.
Like you're you're way under price.
I'm like, oh, I don't know.
I don't think anybody you're hiring for that.
So long in the shirt of it, this person books me because they see me at a different event.
They bring me into an event in Philadelphia full of 100 executives, right?
For this big bag. And speaking that day, we're a number of people that I so admired.
I'm talking New York Times best selling Ted Talk this like the intellectual giants Dan Pink was there.
There were some other people there.
I was so enamored with this Be these people that I flew in early and I sat in the back of the room like a church mouse absorbing everything from these amazing famous intellectual authors and these super smart people, which was a terrible idea, by the way, because all it did was make me feel smaller and smaller and smaller.
And then I got up. I was the closer and I did my thing and I told the story of the five second rule.
And I thought this isn't the last speech I ever give because this is terrible compared to all this intellectual stuff.
All these other people are talking about.
I'm just talking about normal people changing their life doing five, four, three, two, one.
And it brought the house down.
And then something extraordinarily triggering happened.
The head of HR walked up and she said to me, I feel an obligation to tell you something that is going to be very painful to hear.
Because I think it's important as a woman that I support another woman in knowing the truth.
And I'm thinking, oh my God, what the hell have I done?
And she said, you were ten times better than any of the speakers that we hired for this three days on it.
Ten times better, hands down.
And we paid each and every speaker five times the amount we paid you.
In fact, your price was so low that we didn't believe that you were as good as people said you were.
And when she gave me that feedback, first of all, I was relieved that she didn't say you sucked.
That was terrible. And we're really disappointed and we need our money back.
But when she said that, it's just like, oh, hit me in the heart.
When somebody tells you that you're playing small and when they have the just generosity to also tell you the painful thing you're missing out on, because you're keeping yourself small.
And the truth is, is painful as it was to hear that.
I got lucky that day because it could have been just as easy for her to think that and not say it.
And I'm telling you this story because I think it's important in any area of your life or you're playing small.
You're keeping yourself in a box.
Maybe you're not posting your music online.
Maybe you're not starting that YouTube channel.
Maybe you're not writing that book.
Maybe you're not writing that business plan.
Maybe you're not charging what you need to charge.
Maybe you're not firing that pain in the ass client that's taken up all your time and that nickel and dimes you on the bill.
Wherever it is that you're playing small, you're ignoring the people in your life that are like you deserve so much better than this.
You need to apply for that huge job that's out of reach.
You need to apply to that dream school.
You do need to take the risk and move across country or backpack around the world.
Wherever you are playing small, you need to listen to the people that see something bigger for you because you see it too.
You're just scared. And if you see somebody in your life, be the chief HR officer for them.
Tell them what they're missing out on by keeping themselves jammed in the small box.
Is it going to be an easy conversation?
No. Is it going to be a conversation that teaches someone you love something they need to hear?
Absolutely. Which is one of the most loving things that you can do.
Stop withholding this stuff from people and hit them straight between the eyes with it because this is the kind of truth that we all need.
And that's why triggers in your life are so important and there's three in particular that I hope you will pay attention to.
Number one, when someone you don't like, someone irritated is getting what you want.
Oh, he did. But I hope now you love it because that's who it had to be.
It had to be them because you need your anger to get through your BS and get to work.
Or when someone calls you out on your BS, you're not supposed to spend your life faking and lying and not saying stuff.
You're supposed to have the courage and the conviction to tell the truth.
And the easiest way to get help is to ask for it.
The easiest way to figure out and to learn something is to start by admitting, I don't know how to do this.
And then you'll be surprised how quickly you can learn how to do it.
And finally, someone who has the respect for you, somebody that you respect pointing out that you're playing small, oh, and what you're missing out on, or the fact that they gave something to somebody else because you didn't step up, oh, my God, those moments suck, don't they?
But they're also critical in your life.
And so what do you do with this?
Well, number one, just recognize it.
Simply recognizing it.
I hope this episode, by the way, was very triggering.
That was my mission, my mission today is to trigger you, to make you annoyed.
Whether it's at me or somebody else, so that you start to go, yeah, I'm kind of mad.
I'm mad. I'm mad that I'm not doing the thing that I need to be doing.
I'm mad at myself for sitting around.
I'm mad at myself for being scared about when I'm doing anything, I need to do anything, I'm mad that I've gotten myself in over my head and I'm hiding, instead of standing up and fixing this, or I'm mad that I am holding myself back, that I know I am meant to play a bigger game, but I refuse to get out of this box and actually take the damn risk to do it.
And so now I want to connect these three types of triggers with the advice that you need.
Because when someone that you don't like is getting what you want, and you're not dealing with the 10% of the situation, where it's the trust funders, or it's a situation of bias, or it's a situation of privilege, or it's a situation where they were just naturally born with a supermodel, Brazilian bikini body.
No, I'm talking about the 90%, where someone, they're putting in the work, and they're getting where you want to be, and it's irritating.
Or someone calling you out on your BS, yeah, you're going to feel embarrassed, but you haven't asked for help, or you haven't been honest with the people around you, or you haven't been proactive at actually up leveling your own skills, so that you can swim in the deep end.
Or the third, where a person is pushing you to take a risk and man, you are like a mule, you have dug those hooves in, you are staying in that box, I want you to apply to the better school, go for the bigger job.
Do not keep yourself small.
I want you to welcome these triggers, because they are the greatest teachers ever, feeling embarrassed, being over your head, getting angry, because the thing about triggers, the more you avoid doing something that you know you need to be doing, the bigger the trigger is going to get.
See, I find in my life the more stubborn I get, life doesn't just disappear.
Life shows up with a bigger sledgehammer, and so step one is just to identify, oh, here I am, I'm triggered.
Mel said this is good news, I recognize I got something I need to do.
And here's step two, you want the formula, play the 100 day rule.
That's it, play the 100 day rule, that's all you got to do.
You want to grow your social media following?
Post for 100 days. You want to write a killer song?
Write song lyrics? 100 days in a row.
Write crappy songs. 100 songs 100 days in a row.
You want to publish a book?
Every single day for 100 days, you better be writing.
You want to get better at a three point shot, 100 days basketball court, 15 minutes, hitting three point shot.
That's how you do it because that's where the work is done.
And here's the other thing I want you to do.
Anytime you feel angry, good.
Anger gets a bad reputation, but getting really angry at yourself can be really important if you know what to do with it, because your anger is trying to tell you something.
So if you're sitting there and now you're like really annoyed, good.
I'm your trigger, because that's exactly what this episode has been designed to do.
Wherever you are in a situation where you know what you should be doing and you're not doing it.
Stop looking at all the people ahead of you.
They're not going to get you to do it.
It's the one person that is near you that's annoying you.
They have to be the one. Anger is the shot in the ass that you need.
The trigger is just the universe shaking you.
And the more you ignore it, the louder and more painful it's going to be.
All right, you know, funny.
It stopped raining outside.
I guess that means my work here is done.
Oh no, it isn't. One more thing.
Recognizing the trigger is the hardest part.
But it is the first step.
And if you can stop yourself from just swirling and you recognize that the universe has handed you a teacher.
Holy cow, you're going to be unstoppable.
Absolutely unstoppable.
And in case no one else tells you, I wanted to be sure to tell you that I love you.
I believe in you. And I believe in your ability to create a better life, to learn social media, to not be bothered by what that irritating person is doing.
And to show up every day and put your head down and just do the hard annoying thing.
Because that is what is going to lead to all the success that you deserve.
Talk to you in a few days.
All right. Tell me when you guys are ready.
Is there a storm coming?
Yeah. Oh boy. And she's, oh wait, sorry.
Got you, got you. Wait, is that, do I get that later?
Okay, great. Oh my god. Oh my god, this story is so cringy.
Okay, thank you everybody.
Oh, and one more thing. I know this is not a blooper.
This is the legal language.
You know what the lawyer's right and what I need to read to you.
This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes.
I'm just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist or other qualified professional.
Got it? Good. I'll see you in the next episode.
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