Hello, how's it going?
Welcome to Simplified Speech, the Q -Lip series that helps you build your English fluency by listening to real, natural, and easy -to -understand conversations.
My name's Andrew, and in just a moment, I'll be joined by my co -host, Cassie, and in today's episode, we're going to have a fascinating conversation about the topic of adult friendships.
And we'll be talking about how these kinds of friendships that we have when we're adults, how they change and shift over time, why they can be hard to keep, and how things like work, family, and even the media and TV affect our relationships.
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Okay, it's time to welcome Cassie to the show and get started.
Enjoy. Here we go. Joining me now to talk about adult friendships is my co -host, Cassie.
Hey there, Cassie. How's it going?
Hey, Andrew. I'm doing well.
So Cassie, this topic was suggested to us by Cassia, not Cassie, cassia i hope i'm pronouncing that correctly who is a great member of our discord community and she suggested this topic in the episode topic suggestion channel so yeah i love that it's always great when you guys suggest some idea topics and i loved this one adult friendships i think probably most listeners of culips are adults we do have some kids that tune in i know that for for sure.
But I think most listeners are adults.
And I think, weirdly enough, it's something that so many people struggle with around the world is friendships as an adult for a variety of reasons.
And we'll probably talk about some of those reasons today in this episode.
So I'm really excited to talk to you about this, Cassie.
I think you are a great person to talk to about this because every time we talk here on Q -Lips, I'm always amazed you have such a active social life, always doing activities, and meeting friends, and doing different things, so it's great to get your perspective here.
And maybe Cassie, I could just start by asking you, how do you meet friends as an adult?
How do you like meet all of these people that you're doing activities with?
First, I can say it's never easy.
Andrew and I were talking before we hit the record button about how when you're younger, you find a forever friend, a friend who has so many things in common with you that you guys just click and you have almost your own language when hang out.
But I've noticed as an adult, I have less soulmate type friends and more scenario type friends.
So I love certain activities.
Listeners know I love board games.
I love reading and I love Ultimate Frisbee.
And I have found friends by just going to meetups for those those activities and i don't usually hang out with those friends outside of those activities but when we are talking about books together or when we are playing board games together or playing ultimate frisbee we are having a blast and usually we meet every week these days i i don't do those things but in the past we would meet every week or every two weeks and we would And also chit chat.
So I would know about their lives a little bit and hear about their other hobbies.
But our main focus on growing our specific relationship was surrounded by some sort of hobby that we shared.
Yeah, I think that's really common is that as an adult, you know, often I guess we spend the majority of our time at work, right?
Or at least most of us do.
And I guess at work, it's kind of like when you're growing up and you had to go to school, right?
You're forced to go to this place and interact with other people.
But yeah, obviously there are many differences between school and an office, let's say.
But we have to go to these places.
is we have to spend time with people.
And often it's not like doing something that we choose to do, right?
There are some of us who are blessed enough to be able to do a career that matches one of our passions, but those are the lucky few.
And for many people out there, you have to go to a place where maybe you don't really want to be there, and maybe you don't really want to hang out with your co -workers, but you're sort of forced to, right?
So doing some sort of hobby or activity outside of work hours allows us to find like -minded people.
And yeah, that's one great way to make friends.
Absolutely. Cassie, I don't know if you've had this issue at all.
It's something that I've dealt with here as someone living in a foreign country.
And that is actually something I've talked about on Q -Lips before.
But my Korean friends, they're here to to stay I can depend on them for being here long term, like maybe they would immigrate to another country.
But I think now that we're like in our 40s, that's a very unlikely proposition.
So I can trust that my Korean friends are going to stay here in Korea.
However, my friends that are from different countries, I always am on the fence, I'm always a little bit tentative about trying to get too close to people because you never know when somebody's going to go back to their home country.
And it's happened to me so many times.
In fact, over the last two, three years, I've lost a lot of good friends.
My buddies have gone back to their home countries.
Of course, it doesn't mean the friendship is over, but it does mean that it changes dramatically.
And maybe this is something that we can get into as well, but I'm not great at maintaining long distance friendships.
and maybe this is a guy thing as well uh i've noticed that whenever i do see my friends after a long absence if they're like a good friend then we can just pick up where we left off and we don't really need to maintain our friendship it's just sort of like we don't talk for a long time then we're in the same place at the same time we hang out everything's good but i don't know have you you noticed that as someone as a foreigner who lives in Korea and you were in Thailand before as well?
Have you noticed that it's a little bit scary to get close to other foreigners because you never know how long they're going to be in your life for?
Yes, definitely. It's always really sad to say goodbye, especially because like we said earlier, a lot of times it's hard to make adult friends because your hobbies don't match especially when the the pool of available friends is smaller right andrew like you said you have korean friends but sometimes it's hard to find friends abroad that are local that speak fluent english or have the same interests or personalities that mesh well with you.
I can say that one of the benefits of having friends that move away, it's really sad, but you always have a place that you can visit wherever they go.
So I have two really, really good friends that no longer live near me, but I have visited one.
She lives in Germany, and I had such a fun time with her two summers ago.
And then this summer, I have a friend that lives in Arizona, and I'm so excited to be able to go meet her this summer.
And it's kind of a win -win because I get to travel to a new place, and I also get to see a long -lost friend that I haven't been able to interact with for a long time.
That is definitely one of the cool things about having friends that you've made here in Korea for me, at least, is that a lot of my foreign friends, they're all from different places.
Some are from Australia and from the UK and from the USA.
And when they do go back to their hometowns, I'm always like, yeah, when I come visit you, because there'll probably be some point where I'm rolling through your hometown at some point.
Now I have a local tour guide who can show me around and maybe let me sleep in their spare bedroom or something like that.
That too. Yeah. So that is definitely a perk.
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Cassie, I don't want to get into sensitive territory, but I want to hear your perspective on this issue because I know in my life, I have found there to be two surefire friendship killers.
And maybe this is just a me thing, but I think this is not just a me thing.
Actually, the first one is not surefire.
It depends on the partner, but I have lost a lot of friendships or just maybe not lost the friendship, but just lost the closeness, the intimacy of the friendship once a friend gets married.
And it really just depends on who their partner is and how much free time they have and how how the dynamic of their pre -married life and post -married life operates.
But I've noticed that at certain points in my life, if I had a good friend and then they got married, that that could really change the dynamic of the friendship and make it so that it's harder to maintain a friendship after getting married.
So I remember, no, it's not so bad.
Now that I'm like 40 years old, I think I'm at a mature point in my life.
And that's, that's totally fine.
But I remember when some of my friends got married, I thought at the time, very young, when I was like, 2122, my friends got married.
And I was like, Okay, see you, bud.
It's done. done. And it turned out actually to be true.
Often that my friends who got married really, really young, after they got married, it was kind of the end of the friendship.
But I think that's just because the lifestyle choice that they chose at that young age was really different from the life I was living at the time.
The other thing that has been really difficult to navigate as a friend is having children.
And I know you just had your first baby, Cassie.
I wonder, has it been difficult to maintain some of your friendships after having your child?
Honestly, since I moved back to Korea from living in Thailand for the last two years, I think more than having a child, like having a kid, it's just the constant movement to a new place is the thing that really kills closer friendships i'm very transient in which case my friendships also must be very transient however i haven't felt too much that my marriage or my son has gotten in the way of the friends that i still have because even though i don't get to see them often most of my my friends are also married or they want to have kids.
I'm actually one of the first of my friends that have had kids.
There's a few that have two, but several of my close girlfriends, they want to start having one in the next year or two.
And they're all very excited to meet my son and hear the stories because that's going to be their future very soon.
Yeah, that's great.
It's not not a deal breaker for me.
Of course, when my friends have kids, I'm like super pumped for them and I love to meet my friends' kids.
I think that's always so wild when you see one of your friends with a baby, like a mini me of them.
I think it's awesome, don't get me wrong, but I think the priority changes in your life when you have a baby, right?
So instead of spending time with your buddies, you got to raise your child, you got to raise your baby, you got to take care care of your kid.
And that just naturally means that you don't see each other as much anymore.
And it's just a huge change in priorities in your life.
So yeah, I've noticed that it's harder to hang out with my friends after they have children.
Exactly. I saw a really funny video of a comedian who wrote a song about having kids and he wrote, his song was titled, See You in 17 Years.
it was pretty much him saying you know like he's so thankful that his buddies still invite him out to to drinks on a friday night but he's gonna say no every single time for the next 17 years but he can't wait to see them when his kids grow up i often joke with my friends about that as well and i've said similar things in in the past as And I think probably it rings true.
I don't know, maybe 17 years is a long time, but yeah, at least a few years, probably 10.
Yeah, maybe 10 years.
Speaking of comedy, Cassie, you made a really interesting comment earlier about sitcoms, and especially some of the sitcoms that I grew up with.
I think I can really connect with this thought that you had.
Maybe you could share the thought with our audience what you had to say about sitcoms and friendships.
Yes. So both sitcoms and romantic comedies, whether through books or movies, I've noticed that adults tend to have these really cool, interesting friendships where they see each other every afternoon or at work.
They work right next to each other somehow, or they live in apartments right next door.
And they're always eating breakfast together or having dinner together or just popping by on a random Tuesday night.
And I just find it fantastical.
How is that possible?
And I'm wondering if those kind of people actually exist in real life, or if it's just, you know, a fantasy trope in a TV series.
I would love to throw this question out to our audience.
And guys, the question is, do you hang out with your friends in the same way that you you see characters on TV shows.
Maybe I'm thinking Friends, thinking Seinfeld, Sex in the City, right?
All of these shows, you see the main characters hanging out with each other each and every day.
And I just think that's so unrealistic.
And after a long day at work, when you come home, just to have your friends sort of like walk into your home and hang out with you.
No, I want to eat and shower and go to sleep.
You know, I don't have time to hang out.
I think it's kind of an unfair portrayal.
It's a fantasy, right?
They're selling us a fantasy of these friendships.
And of course, I think it would be cool.
It would be nice to have that level of closeness with a group of people.
But yeah, it doesn't seem possible to me.
Speaking of fantasy, but going on a different tangent, Andrew, you had an interesting question that you posed to me before we started recording.
And that was if I think that AI would ever replace friendships in the future or even some other type of technology.
What do you think about that?
Yeah, I think we're already starting to see it a little bit.
I've seen stories in the news recently about people falling in love with chat GPT.
really yeah yeah there was a big story actually on the daily podcast i think some of our listeners will know about the daily it's this podcast created by the new york times and they had a feature about that guys if you don't listen to the daily yet it's a really great podcast and i think they talk about difficult topics sometimes but i think the main host actually speaks very very slowly and clearly.
So it could be another great podcast to subscribe to alongside QLips if you don't know that one already.
But yeah, they had a feature not too long ago about somebody who fell in love with ChatGPT.
And I've seen some other news stories about this.
You know, these days AI is getting pretty good and you can speak to it just like you would a human.
And often I I think they tell you what you want to hear.
You can sort of manipulate the AI to say what you want to hear.
And I couldn't see me or you maybe falling in love with an AI or falling into a friendship with an AI, Cassie.
I don't really think it would be convincing enough for us.
But for some people, I think if you were in a situation, maybe where you were very lonely or a little bit depressed depressed, or just needed companionship, you know, if you spent a lot of time talking with it, and it does sound like exactly like a human speaks, then yeah, why not?
I think it's possible.
So is that the kind of friendship that I want to have?
No, not really. But I mean, if it works for some people, is it okay?
I don't know. It's a question mark for me.
What do you think about it?
I don't know about computer generated AI, but a different type of friendship that I think I could get behind in the future, technological wise, would be a artificial furry friend, furry friendship.
chip I would love to have a cat or a dog but my husband is very against it because he he doesn't like pet fur and he has a little bit of an allergy so it's just not really conducive with our our living environment but in the future I've seen robot dogs but they're still not really cute yet In the future, if they can create an AI -programmed furry friend that has artificial cute fur as well, but it doesn't poop around the house and create, you know, a sneezing problem for my husband, I would be totally behind it.
That's a great point.
A robotic companion, a robotic furry friend, a robotic pet.
Yeah, I like that idea.
And even pets in general, right, they can often sort of replace that need for a friend that so many of us have. So yeah, that's a great point talking about pets.
Another thing that's kind of related to technology and friendship here that I've experienced, and I'm wondering if other members of our Q -Lips community have experienced this as well.
Guys, if you have, let us know, I'd love to hear your perspective on this.
but Cassie, you know, my favorite sport is ice hockey and I love watching ice hockey.
My family also loves ice hockey and my friends back home love ice hockey, but I don't know anybody else here in Korea.
I have a couple of buddies who like ice hockey.
I should take that back.
I have a couple of friends into it here in Korea, but they don't like my team.
They like different teams. So we rarely, rarely, rarely watch games together.
However, there now are streamers who will stream themselves watching a game, and they'll comment on the game and talk about the game while they're watching the game.
So you kind of have to like rig it up a little bit, but it's easy to do on the computer, you can play the game.
And then also you can play the stream of the streamer at the same time.
And sometimes it's not just one streamer, but it'll be a group of like two or three guys who are streaming themselves watching the game.
And in a way, this replicates the experience that I would have if I were watching the game with my buddies back home in Canada, because they're making the same kind of comments about the terrible play of our favorite team.
My team is just really bad this year.
So you know, I'm thinking about these these comments in my head, but they're seeing the same play.
They're talking about it the same way.
They're cracking the same jokes.
And it feels like I'm sort of hanging out with my buddies.
And there's even the chat.
You can chat. I usually am more of a fly on the wall.
I'm not a chat guy, but you can see the chat of the other people watching the stream as well.
And it makes this solo activity into a social activity in a way.
And for me, it kind of scratches that itch of needing to hang out with some friends.
So I don't know, I think that technology can kind of give us a friendship simulation.
I don't want to say that it's a real friendship, but it can sort of simulate what it's like to have close friends and close buddies, different podcasts and streams these days.
I agree. Mine is a slightly more human interaction, not just watching the screen um i these days i'm all about you know baby life and i've joined two mom chats through kakao talk which is you know like whatsapp or messenger and there's a bunch of moms who live in korea here and they're always messaging each other asking questions like what is this weird rash or can i feed my child this you know things like that and even though i do I do not know these women at all.
I feel like I kind of do.
And I can see pictures that they post of their kids in cute outfits.
And sometimes I'll send something and it's a private chat.
So we feel, you know, safe to share that kind of stuff.
And even though I don't have any mom friends of my own in the area, I can use that chat as kind of a way to I wouldn't say low.
I'm not lonely now but lonely in regards to motherhood like I don't feel lonely because if I ever have a question I can always ask them and they are more than happy to to help each other out and you know make those tough moments bearable.
Yeah that's really great and I think you know there are always pluses and minuses to almost every aspect of technology but one thing that the internet has allowed us to do is to find our tribe, to find our people, right?
We can go to different online communities and connect with like -minded individuals.
And this can be great for helping people to find other people who are like them and can help alleviate, lessen loneliness.
So I think we've both sort of found that in a weird way, Cassie, me with my hockey streams, and you with your mom chats on cacao talk great well i think this is a good place to wrap things up cassie so thank you so much for today's conversation i found it really interesting of course we'd love to hear your perspective as well listeners so please head on over to our discord community it's the place where all q -lips listeners from around the world connect and chat and practice our english and we'll be waiting for for your questions or comments about this episode there.
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Well, I'm out of breath, so we're going to end here.
Cassie, thanks, and we'll talk to you next time, okay?
Yep, see ya. Bye -bye.
