Mom, can you take me to Radio Shack?
Not today, baby.
I have to go food shopping and get dinner started.
But it's important.
Sorry.
Maybe over the weekend.
It won't take that long.
Sheldon, I said no.
But, Mom.
Not another word.
What?
Can't I just be happy?
Mom, please.
Sheldon Lee, I said no.
I'm still happy.
Please, Mom, you're being unfair.
Nope.
But I really need those thrust to weight ratios.
You see, I'm cooking.
Well, take me after dinner.
Enough.
I'm not taking you anywhere tonight.
I'm not proud of it, but as a child, I was prone to the occasional meltdown.
Cheese and crackers!
I'm sorry you had to hear that.
I don't know how else to say this other than just to say it.
We have to go home.
Oh no, who did Germany invade now?
No, nothing like that.
Um, there was a tornado back home.
Everybody's okay.
But your Meemaw's house was destroyed.
But everyone's okay.
That's confirmed?
Thank God, yes.
You're thanking the deity who sent the tornado?
I'm not in the mood for this.
We have to go.
Why?
Honey, your Meemaw lost her house.
Well, I'm sure she has insurance.
That is not the point.
Well, what is the point?
What would we do once we get there?
I don't know.
Be there.
Provide solace.
Lend a hand.
Me?
Lend a hand?
You're funny.
Too bad.
We are going.
Tonight would be great.
How much?
Shelton Lee Cooper.
I told you I'm not going home.
I am your mother.
What I say goes.
What are you doing?
Passive resistance.
Good luck lifting my limp body.
Your grandmother lost her home.
And I feel terrible, but I can't change what happened.
You could be there for your Nemo.
Does she even want us there?
Of course she does.
Let's ask her.
There's too many people here already.
You'd just be in the way.
No need to thank me.
We could be back by tomorrow.
Are you deaf?
I said don't come.
We will get through this together.
God will provide.
What's wrong with you?
Nothing.
Put Sheldon on the phone.
No.
Let me talk to her.
Love you.
Bye.
Why aren't you eating?
I don't think I can.
Sometimes the different foods touch each other, Sheldon.
Not the end of the world.
No.
I'm afraid I'll choke again.
Oh, honey, that's not going to happen.
Go ahead.
Eat your dinner.
What's all this about choking?
Sheldon almost died this morning.
What?
Oh, yeah.
Dad was shaking him upside down like a ketchup bottle.
It was great.
Well, you've got to eat something, baby.
Just have a few bites.
I can't.
It's too risky.
Dibs on tater tots.
All right, I'll wrap that up for you.
And if you change your mind, you can have some later.
At least drink your milk.
Sure.
My mother and father saw that I'd been traumatized and were patient and understanding about my fear of eating solid foods.
This lasted one more day.
Sheldon Lee Cooper, if you don't finish that pork chop, I swear I will chew it up and spit it in your mouth like a mama bird.
Do it, mom, do it.
Mary, can I speak to you for a second?
No, enough is enough.
The boy has got to eat.
Just give me a minute.
It's a little late for me to start cooking.
Why don't we stop somewhere for dinner?
Really?
The five of us?
It's kind of pricey.
Would you rather buy a fishing boat?
You're a blabbermouth, you know that?
Missy, we're going to eat in a restaurant.
Where would you like to go?
I get to pick?
Why don't I get to pick?
Because your sister's getting to pick.
It's not just about you in this house.
What do you think, baby?
I pick red lobster.
You got it.
Damn.
There goes our per diem.
We found investors for the grant database.
Oh, honey, that's great.
And even more good news, you no longer have to drive me to school because I'm dropping out to work on it.
What?
No, you're not.
But they won't fund the project unless I'm working on it full time.
I don't care.
You're finishing college.
But you let him drop out.
And look how his life turned out.
Hey.
I'm sorry, Sheldon, but you're gonna have to tell them no.
I got a job and a cool garage to live in.
This doesn't have to be permanent.
I can always go back.
People always say that and then life gets in the way.
I was gonna go to college after I had Georgie and then I didn't.
Look how her life turned out.
This discussion is over.
This is so unfair.
What's going on?
Sheldon wants to quit college.
So I'm the only one who's on a dropout?
Who saw that coming?
Five kicks, 38-yard average.
Can't believe he's reading the Bible.
I know.
I'm actually grateful to that Dungeons and Dragons game.
It helped lead him to God.
It's now on the odds, Gay.
I'm done.
You finished it?
All of it.
Ask me which birds are kosher.
I'll bite which birds are kosher.
Chickens?
Yes.
Quail?
Yes.
Owls?
Surprisingly, no.
Well, there ain't a lot of meat on them anyway.
Shelly, I'm so happy you're taking an interest in religion.
I am.
And I've decided to explore other religions, too.
What's this now?
Pastor Jeff encouraged me to approach religion scientifically, so it only makes sense to enlarge my database.
No.
Your database is Baptist.
That's all the data you need.
Baptist data.
What other religions you considering?
Buddhist, Jewish, Hindu, Catholic, all of them.
Nope.
Nope.
That's not happening.
Well, why?
As an American, don't I have freedom of religion?
Um, those Dungeons and Dragons are looking pretty good right now, aren't they?
I'm also looking into voodoo.
Hey, how's it going?
Good.
Did you know that Zoroaster believed in two gods?
No, I did not.
And the Taoists don't believe in God at all.
They believe in a principle of harmony.
How very nice for them.
Shelly, I understand you enjoy researching things.
Love it.
But it's important to keep in mind that there is only one true God.
That's called monotheism.
I have a book about it if you're interested.
That's OK.
I have the book about it.
Would you be angry with me if I don't pick your religion?
I could never be angry with you.
You be a seeker of your own truth.
Thanks, Mom.
And if the truth turns out to be Satan, I will do battle with him.
OK, God, we need to talk.
Are you testing me?
Is this a test?
Am I Mrs. Jobe?
I try to be a good person, but lately it feels like you are smacking me down every chance you get.
And I know that that might sound a little ungrateful right now as I load my new dishwasher that I love.
But can't you pick on someone else for a while?
Who are you talking to?
God?
To yourself, got it.
And you think, like Job, God is testing your faith?
Sure would explain all the bad things that have been happening.
So believing in a God who's going out of his way to ruin your life is more comforting than believing there's no God at all.
Isn't it past your bedtime?
I know.
Good night.
Excuse me.
Am I the only one struck by the incredible hypocrisy of this sermon?
You go on and on about loving one another and how God is love, but not when it comes to my mother and our family.
And why?
Because my brother impregnated a woman 11 years older than him?
Which one could argue was an act of love?
Shilton.
At least on his part.
She doesn't seem to care for him.
Also, earlier you said Nebuchadnezzar.
In Hebrew, we pronounce Nebuchadnezzar.
More in the back of the throat.
Chah.
Chah.
Sheldon?
Bye.
Or in Hebrew, Shalom, which also means hello and peace.
Chah.
Chah.
I just don't think it could hurt for us to talk to someone.
But I could be home right now wearing a blindfold, mittens, and nose plug doing something important.
You know what?
Maybe you should mention the blindfolded mittens to the doctor.
Or maybe I'll mention how you think that God speaks to you because I find that concerning.
He does speak to me, and right now he's saying I should wash your mouth out with soap.
Violent fantasies.
Interesting.
Communication is the cornerstone.
I am behaving no differently than I ever have.
Why are you suddenly so worried about me?
That is a valid question.
Has anything changed recently?
Well.
Maybe it's hormonal.
When does menopause typically begin?
It is not my hormones.
Well, it certainly isn't mine.
I'm showing no signs of puberty.
You know, sometimes mothers look for issues with their children so they can feel more needed.
OK, now we're getting somewhere.
That is not what's happening.
Well, then what is happening?
Oh, I hear they're opening an olive garden where the old sizzler used to be.
On Hampton Road?
Yeah.
I don't think that was a Sizzler.
That was a Chi-Chi's.
No, the Chi-Chi's is on Bedford, across from the Payless Shoes.
She's right, because one time we got shoes, and then we got Chi-Chi's.
That was a good day.
Huh.
I guess that was a Sizzler.
I'm sorry they closed that.
Oh, there's still the other one on Route 40.
Who cares?
You have a problem?
Yes, I do.
I've had a long day.
Is it too much to ask for a dinner with a little peace and quiet?
Sheldon, you do not talk to your father like that.
Fine.
I'd rather not speak to any of you.
Maybe I better go talk to him.
No, I got this.
George, maybe you should calm down first.
I got this.
I'm currently on my fifth train ride exploring Germany and the nations of the former Austro-Hungarian Empire.
It's often referred to as a dual monarchy, because the Habsburg ruler was both the Emperor of Austria and the King of Hungary.
Speaking of Hungary...
Wait!
Wait!
Botten!
Botten!
That's German for wait!
As you can see, they did not botten.
Tough day.
At the library?
Yes.
Where's your other shoe?
When I was leaving the library, a wild dog attacked me.
Oh, sweetie, no.
I fought him off, but at the price of a loafer.
Where's your backpack?
I guess he got that, too.
Well, that all makes sense, Sheldon, if that's what really happened.
It is.
Okay, then.
Why don't you go lay down?
I will.
I'm tired from all the things that happened.
At the library.
At the library.
Instead of punishing him, I'm letting him think he got away with it.
The guilt is eating him alive.
I wish you were here to enjoy it with me.
Care to explain yourself?
I was trying to motivate Missy to expand her intellectual horizons.
By torturing her Cabbage Patch doll.
Well, it's not like I shocked her with electrodes, which was an option.
Enough!
To be clear, I meant to shock Missy, not the doll.
That would be ineffective.
Enough!
And you, getting baptized just to kiss a girl?
What were you thinking?
Sounds like you know what I was thinking.
Well, you are both grounded.
What are you doing?
I'm going to take apart the refrigerator and figure out what's making that noise.
That is a really good idea.
You usually are not supportive of my efforts.
I'm more mature now.
Hi, Mom.
What did you do?
Good news.
I found out what part was making that noise.
You have to put this back together.
Now we're going to the bad news.
What made you think you could fix this?
I'm smart.
And I had a book.
Do you still think you're smart?
Yes.
I told him not to do it.
He wouldn't listen.
Oh.
Oh, dear.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Oh, dear.
Now let's just say grace.
Thank you, God, for this food we are about to receive, and bless the hands that prepared it.
And please keep us all in good health, body and mind.
Why are you looking at me?
I'm not.
Amen.
Amen.
I couldn't sleep.
Why are you up?
Same.
Do you have insomnia from anxiety?
Is that what you have?
Yes.
What are you anxious about?
Honestly, your mental health.
Me?
Why?
You seem preoccupied lately, and you were asking me all those questions in the car.
I was just letting you know that if you were having any problems, you could come to me with them.
You think I have mental problems?
Well, not problems.
I'm just worried about your future.
And when I see you moving subatomic particles around in the air, that makes me Subatomic particles are real.
You talk to an invisible man in the sky who grants wishes.
If anyone's mental, it's you.
OK.
Now you are over the line.
You apologize.
No.
What the hell's going on?
Nothing.
It's fine.
Mom thinks that I'm crazy.
Mother?
Yes?
Is it OK if I use a knife to butter my toast, or are you worried I'll do something crazy with it?
You can butter your own toast.
Oh, good.
You see the toast, too.
I was afraid I was imagining it.
Shelton?
All right, that's enough.
What's going on?
Nothing's going on.
Everything's fine.
I'll tell you later.
My mother believes I'm mentally unstable.
And since there's a genetic component and I'm her child, I suppose it's possible.
I know you're angry right now, but you will not be disrespectful.
You know, fits of rage are a classic sign of psychosis.
Oh, you haven't seen fits of rage yet.
I said that's enough.
Both of y'all are acting like lunatics.
You have to speed.
I think I got it.
