Georgie, would you do me a tiny little favor?
Like what?
Tomorrow at lunch, would you mind sitting with your brother?
Don't do it, Georgie.
Stay out of this.
I ate with him in second grade.
It really hurt my social life.
Sorry, Mom.
Can't do it.
Why are you such a brat?
Maybe I'm crying for attention.
This isn't a joke, young lady.
Yes, your brother may be smart, but he doesn't have a friend in the world.
And I am sorry, but I am very worried about him.
Nice going.
You're making Mom a nervous wreck.
What did I do?
You don't have any friends, and she's beside herself.
But I'm fine without friends.
I don't know what to tell you, Sheldon.
She's sad.
It's your fault.
I'm going to watch out.
Science fact.
Sisters are the worst.
96, 97, 98, 99, 100.
You missed 11 numbers.
I don't need to be good at math.
I have beautiful hair.
That's the saddest thing I've ever heard.
Enjoy to read that book.
I'm reading it again.
How come?
I clearly missed something.
I couldn't find one person who wanted to be my friend.
Did you look at the card inside?
Why?
That's just all the people who checked out the book.
It's a list of losers like you who can't find a friend.
So?
So they're desperate, and you have their names.
That's brilliant.
Now how is it that you can't count?
Is that any good?
I'm afraid not.
I failed to make a single friend.
That sucks.
I have a tough time making friends too.
The worst part is it was important to my mom.
My parents pressured me about making friends all the time. so you understand what I'm going through.
Oh, I read that book.
It's excellent.
Are you into rocketry?
I started with water propulsion, worked my way up to solid fuel, then went back to water after I set our garage on fire.
Nice.
I also tried to get some uranium and build an atomic engine, but that stuff's hard to find.
Probably for the best.
Well, good luck on your quest to find a friend.
You too.
If you haven't found one yet, I have good news.
I'm enjoying this, but I'm having trouble with the onomatopoeia.
The what?
The onomatopoeia.
Words that imitate sounds.
Kthum.
Snit.
Bam.
Writers shouldn't make up words.
Somebody made up onomatopoeia.
You challenge me.
I like that.
You walk down the hallway and come to a wooden chest.
Lord Grey Matter, what do you do?
I poke it with my dagger to see if there are any traps.
There are no traps.
Fire Beak, what do you do?
Billy.
What?
You are Fire Beak.
OK.
So what do you do?
I'm Firebeak.
Hey, guys.
I brought snacks.
Thanks, Mom.
What are y'all playing?
Chutes and Ladders?
Tam is teaching us Dungeons and Dragons.
Oh.
We're on a quest to find the pitchfork of a devil named Ballsable.
I'm Firebeak.
And this is the devil?
No, he's just a monster who doesn't wear pants.
Oh, I see.
Yeah, so he's just hanging right out there, isn't he?
OK, well, you kids have fun.
My mother didn't believe in elves, fairies, or dragons.
George!
But she did believe in the devil, and she did not view him as an appropriate playmate for her son.
I've spent the last week studying what people believe, and I've come to a conclusion.
And what's that?
I'm starting my own religion.
I'm sorry, what?
I'm calling it Mathology.
It's based on a universal binary system.
That's terrific, Sheldon, but this is a Baptist Sunday school.
I know.
I'm here to convert everybody.
Any takers?
OK.
Let's go have a talk with your mom.
The only sin in Mathology is being stupid.
Welcome to the Church of Mathology.
Today, I'd like to talk about prime numbers and why they bring us joy.
Hallelujah!
Now, since we'll be spending a few hours together, I've created a list of activities to keep us occupied.
We'll start with a tour of my room, then board games.
And if time permits, you can look at and not touch my trains.
Oh, my little pony.
I love my little pony.
That's my sister's, and it's not part of the tour.
I share a room with my sister, too.
It's super fun.
You're wrong.
Now, over here we have my desk.
This is my computer.
That's my mouse.
This is my printer.
This is the paper that goes in the printer.
This is a box of extra paper that also goes in the printer.
And this is my signed picture of Professor Proton.
Do you watch his show?
No, I don't really like it.
You don't?
I think he's boring.
And he dumps everything down.
Come on, Kolonar.
Don't fail me now.
And next on the tour, we have...
A lamp.
We could play traditional chess or, if you're interested, we could play a variant with a new piece I invented.
That sounds fun.
What's the new piece?
A wizard.
The wizard cannot be taken and at any point he can teleport and switch places with any other piece.
Yes, but there's an obvious flaw.
What flaw?
Well, anytime anyone is checkmated, they can simply have the wizard in their kingswitch places, so the game will never end.
I knew that.
You passed my test. you actually believe in the multiverse theory?
Very much so.
It's the most elegant interpretation of quantum mechanics.
So you really think there are an infinite number of universes?
Stephen Hawking believes it, so yes, I do.
Well, if there are an infinite number of universes, I think that theory is dumb in all of them.
This is fun.
I don't get to have discussions like this with kids at my school.
Do you?
No.
Do you ever wish you were just like everyone else?
Not at all.
Me neither.
I love being smarter than everyone.
Me too.
I started to think that Paige and I might have more in common than I thought.
Maybe my mother was right.
I really did just need to get to know her better.
Checkmate.
You lose.
Red alert.
Phasers, stand by to fire on my order.
I guess that makes me the smartest.
I don't know if 10-year-old Spock ever flipped a chessboard, but 10-year-old Sheldon sure did.
Caveman stuff.
I love that.
Where are you going?
It's closed.
I can read.
Baby.
Just so you know, that won't work every time.
This is oddly reminiscent of a dinner with my family.
You're funny.
I know.
My family never eats dinner together.
Why not?
My dad always manages to come home from work after we're done.
Hm.
My dad never misses a meal.
Do you think Stone Age parents stayed together forever?
They have to.
There were no lawyers.
What?
That was funny.
Right.
We've established I'm funny.
Well, I think my parents are getting a divorce.
Why?
They fight all the time.
About what?
Mostly me.
Hmm.
That's too bad.
I guess I'm lucky.
Why?
I'm the glue that holds our family together.
What are you kids doing in there?
Seriously, dude, you need to relax.
How can I relax?
I'm being held captive in a bacterial playground.
Why are you here?
I had to have my gallbladder removed.
Why are you here?
I'm having surgery tomorrow.
How come?
I was born with a hole in my heart.
My mom says everyone is born with a Jesus-shaped hole in their heart, but I'm guessing this is different.
Yeah, they're going to put a patch on it.
And then it just stays there forever?
Yeah.
Like a band-aid you never have to pull off.
That's great, because that's the worst thing about band-aids.
Once they put the patch on my heart, I swear to be like Iron Man.
Technically, Iron Man has a magnet, not a patch.
And technically, I said sort of.
Touché.
Where'd he go?
Where's Ricky?
He's in surgery.
Oh.
But look what I'm doing.
I'm packing up so we can go home.
Can we wait until he's done?
I think it's going to be a while, honey.
But why don't we get a move on, and then we can check on him later.
OK.
One second.
Excuse me, Nurse Robinson?
Yes?
Will you give this Iron Man comic to Ricky?
I'll see that he gets it.
Thank you.
Mm-hmm.
And thank you for taking care of me.
You're welcome.
You stay healthy.
I will.
When did he become nice?
What is your problem?
Oh, I don't have a problem.
You should probably wash your hands.
I just witnessed an altercation between you and Georgie Cooper.
Altercation?
A confrontation, a tussle.
Anyway, I'd just like to gather more information for sociological purposes.
Oh, I heard about you.
You're that smart kid.
I'd like to be humble in this moment, but yes, that's me.
Sheldon Cooper at your service.
So Georgie's your brother?
Correct.
And you're trying to protect him?
Incorrect.
I'm just curious what he did to incur your wrath.
Also, kudos on the hand washing.
Your brother's a punk.
I'm not familiar with that terminology.
He tried to hit on my girlfriend.
Interesting.
So he openly pursued your mate and to reassert dominance, you threatened him with physical violence.
Hell yeah, I did.
I understand that.
I often intimidate people with my intelligence.
Well one of us scared him.
Good news.
I just spoke to Tommy Clarkson.
What?
Are you crazy?
Nope.
Mom had me tested.
And Tommy's actually nicer than you think.
I told you to stay out of it.
True, but what you didn't tell me was that you were overly chummy with his girlfriend, which is why he wants to kick your bottom.
I'm about to kick your bottom.
I don't think so.
Hey, Tommy.
How you doing?
You got a problem with him?
You got a problem with me.
And just to make his logic clear, you do have a problem with me.
Don't listen to my brother.
I don't have a problem with anybody.
You need to apologize.
I'm very sorry.
To him.
I'm very sorry, Sheldon.
Later, kid.
See?
He's nice.
What'd you get?
An invitation to Billy's birthday party.
That's nice.
I wonder where Sheldon's is.
Hey, Brenda.
It's Mary.
Oh, hey.
So we got Missy's invitation to Billy's party.
Great.
Hope she can make it.
But Sheldon's didn't arrive for some reason.
Maybe he got lost in the mail.
It didn't get lost.
What are you saying?
I think you know what I'm saying.
So Sheldon isn't invited?
See?
You knew.
Bye.
Pastor Jeff, are you still looking for a topic for this week's sermon?
You mean the one I'm doing in 20 minutes?
Sorry, silly question.
No.
What do you got?
I was going to do Noah's Ark but Sheldon's going to eat me alive, like those two lions would have done to those two giraffes.
Well, I've been thinking about the importance of being neighborly.
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?
Please be seated.
A Pharisee once asked Jesus what the greatest commandment was, and do you know what he said?
Sheldon, it's a rhetorical question.
Aw.
He said it was to love God and love your neighbor as yourself.
And that's what I want to talk about today, being a good neighbor.
How do we love our neighbors?
We check in on them.
We welcome them into our homes.
If we're having a party, we invite them.
Are you kidding me?
Some of the Romans thought he was a little weird.
But if you invite him into your heart, you get to go to the biggest party of all, the one in the sky.
Ooh, a party in the sky.
Fine.
He means heaven.
Or a planet.
He means heaven.
I can't believe you told on me to Pastor Jeff.
Hope you're happy.
This was never about winners and losers.
Two kids means two gifts.
And no Play-Doh.
He'll just eat it.
Hey, Shelly, I got something for you.
What is it?
An invitation to Billy Sparks' birthday on Saturday.
Isn't that nice?
Sheldon's gonna go?
A child's birthday party?
No, thank you.
Great.
You're going to Billy's party.
But I don't want to.
And I don't want him to.
Too bad.
He's going.
Then I don't want to go.
Everyone's going, and everyone's going to have fun.
This is so unfair.
It is.
You should run away from home.
Missy, I need a moment with Paige.
Make it quick.
I'm only half beautiful.
Yeah?
I'm listening.
To what?
To you.
I'm not saying anything.
Well, if you wanted to say anything, I'd be listening.
But I don't want to say anything.
And I don't want to be listening, but here we are.
Are you feeling better yet?
You're being weird.
Not in the usual way.
I guess that's my life now.
What do you mean?
Everyone is acting weird.
My mom is going on dates and my dad is acting like a child.
My sister's crying all the time.
I just wish that everything could go back to the way it was.
I don't think it will.
It turned out I was really good at listening.
The trick is to sit there, and when you want to leave, don't. to live in two separate houses.
And my grandma says the meanest things about my dad.
I know that everyone is upset that I'm not doing well in school.
It's just hard to care.
Everything that used to seem important to me just doesn't anymore.
So I guess, really, I just feel alone.
That sounds hard.
Yeah.
It is.
Dr. Sturgis was right.
There was nothing I could do to fix this.
Or so I thought.
Can I offer you a hot beverage?
That would be nice.
Be right back.
The hot beverage of comfort would become my go-to method of dealing with someone in emotional distress.
And it always worked.
Except when my wife was in labor, where it was suggested I throw it in my own face.
Can't we just do this individually?
Why are you complaining?
I'm the one stuck working with a kid.
Hey, when it comes to physics, I'm practically a coot, which is an old person word for someone who's old.
Tell him.
It is.
Let's just go to a coffee shop and get this over with.
I can't go now.
I have to get home for my bath and bedtime, which is also something an old person does.
That we do.
Can I at least switch groups?
Sorry, I assigned this project because it's important for scientists to learn how to collaborate.
If we must work together, here's my proposal.
I do everything by myself and put their names on it.
No!
What's going on?
Dr. Sturgis is forcing us to collaborate.
And we wanted to get it done tonight, but apparently there's a bedtime and shower conflict.
Bubble bath.
Oh, right.
It's a bad night.
How about we work in my dorm tomorrow?
Um, I don't know if a dormitory is the right environment for someone his age.
If you're worried about the beer drinking, Dad has thoroughly desensitized me.
How about you all come work at our house?
I guess if that's our only option.
It'll be fun.
I'll make food.
You can even bring your laundry.
That actually would be great.
Now this man's soiled underpants will be in my kitchen.
Thank you.
Something's not working out here.
Perhaps it's the way you're pacing.
Pick a number of steps and stick to it.
Maybe it's because you two aren't helping.
Oh, really?
But I'm writing with my prettiest handwriting.
Don't be a child.
Hey!
Oh, you were talking to her.
Who wants pigs in a blanket?
Actually, do you have coffee?
I just made a pot.
Help yourself.
Anything I could get you?
I need a cigarette.
So how's it going?
Great.
Now that those two are gone, I can finally get some work done.
I brought you some coffee.
You don't have to keep waiting on us.
I'm sorry.
Is there a problem?
I'm just frustrated.
Is it Sheldon?
It's Sheldon and Keith and every other guy in our field, which is basically everyone.
There were only three other women, and one of them just dropped out to get married.
Oh, good for her.
Or bad.
Bad for science, bad for women.
None of the guys in my class take me seriously.
And honestly, it doesn't help when women like you run around doing their laundry and making them snacks.
I'm just being a good host.
Yeah, and raising another boy to think that all women are just note takers and mommies.
I'm sorry I'm making life so hard for you.
And for your information, Sheldon does not look down on women.
He looks down on everyone.
