Hi, welcome back to Eat Your Crest Podcast.
I'm Jisoo.
I'm Crystal.
I'm Aileen.
And I'm Harpreet.
Alright.
So this week we thought it would be fun to talk about bringing your a game to social events and kind of setting the vibe for the social events.
I feel like at least my year has been very busy.
And it's been a constant barrage of social events.
So I've been thinking about this a lot.
We thought we would bring in a couple of our friends, who are great vibesetters, to talk about this topic.
So to start off, let's just kind of talk about what you would consider you on your A game.
How would you describe that?
Well, first off, it's a compliment that you think we're vibe setters.
I feel like bringing my A game.
I think it means, well, one, I feel like I feel good myself.
I feel well fed, well rested.
I feel comfortable with the people that are going to this event.
If I feel good about the celebration, like the purpose that we're coming together for, I think that helps.
Helps me feel more excited or look forward to the event.
I think my A game is more around like how I'm feeling for the event.
Most of those things I also would want to be the same.
But then something I was thinking about before this I think I'm at my best when I'm not the host.
I would say.
I think playing host is sort of difficult when trying to be on my A game, because I think I naturally just get nervous.
I don't normally think I'm a perfectionist for those types of things, but I think I get very worried when I'm hosting, to make sure everyone's having a good time.
So, on top of being well fed, hydrated and all that stuff, if I happen to not be hosting, then I think that's always a good plus too.
Interesting.
Wait, Harpreet, you're host for a lot of events.
We host like two a year.
I can relate to that, though.
I think I care a lot about how people are feeling or doing and that people are talking to each other.
They're comfortable in my space.
So as a host, I often get more stressed than if I were just there enjoying the event.
That's such a good one.
I didn't even think about that.
But now that you've brought it up, I'm like, yeah, host is like a different mindset.
So true.
And I feel like setting can also kind of change your vibe sometimes.
Like do you think you guys tend to feel more comfortable at an indoors event, like at someone's house, for example?
Or do you feel more free and ready to socialize at an outdoor event, maybe a festival or at a park or something?
I definitely prefer more indoor.
Hosted at someone's house, I think, is my preferred, which is funny because I think of like Harpreet's, hosted at parties.
I think because it's more intimate when it's at someone's house.
So more often than not, I know the people at like a house event or a friend's house.
And so I feel like I can be a lot more comfortable in that type of setting.
If we were to go to a festival, many things are out of my control.
There's a lot more crowds.
The schedule or the event is not in my control.
So I feel a lot more comfortable, I think, going to someone's house.
I would say if I am my best, Partyful is exactly who I want it to be.
It's like everybody I know.
Then I think I like an indoor event if I'm feeling really, really good too.
But I think if I'm feeling a little out of it that day or anxious, then I don't mind an outdoor event.
I do find that if I go to like a kickback or a housewarming where I don't know as many people, I will find a corner to go to and like and I will.
I will grab the like two, three people I know and drag them into that corner if I'm not super in it.
That's funny.
You say that because there's actually an event where I remember you and Stanley and Serena were like in the corner and I was like yes, they're comfortable there, You've seen it live.
What about you guys?
I have a setting that I absolutely hate, which is clubs.
I'm like super anti-clubbing.
Actually, the whole time I lived in New York I was like don't even think of me if the word club is about to come out of your mouth.
What is your favorite type of setting?
Probably something with an easy escape plan.
So maybe, yeah, like someone's house.
I feel like someone's house is also just the goaded setting because the bathroom access is so easy.
And that honestly plays a big part into my comfortability.
Do I feel at ease here?
Is there a bathroom nearby?
Just the thought of having to wade through a crowd and then like, stuff myself into a porta potty just makes me immediately uncomfortable and anxious.
Okay, what if it's like a more low stakes outdoor event, like hang out at a park?
I am not like a huge park person.
I think if we were at somewhere like a restaurant or like a bar, then it would feel pretty chill.
At the end of the day, I think I just like being squished into someone's couch and like playing games at home, rather than paying a lot of money for drinks or trying to socialize while we're like clinking forks and stuff over our dinner plates.
I think one issue with parks is if it's too sunny, that literally drains my energy.
Same.
Yeah, the sun makes me sleepy.
So I feel like I would just want to lay there and not socialize as much.
It'll get to me afterwards, but when I'm in the sun, in those exact moments, I'm photosynthesizing hard.
Her pizza plant.
No, no, dude.
I go for my awkward walks.
I do what I can whenever the sun's out here, think overall parks are not bad as long as we can get some shade in there, because that's just an outdoor home.
Why the club hate?
Out of curiosity.
Oh, I feel like it's just too crowded, too loud, too noisy.
Bathroom lines suck.
Yeah, I don't know.
Everyone's just like super crowded and like dancing in your face and you're like I just want to go home.
You don't want to yell in someone's ear to get to know them?
No, no.
You don't want to bond with other girls in the bathroom?
The club bathroom?
Those are the like one or two bright spots, but there's like 10 other negative spots, you know?
I feel like the club is kind of a setting where there's like a really high ceiling, like at its peak.
Clubbing is hella fun, but the floor is really low and to reach that ceiling level is pretty uncommon.
So I can see how it can be like a hit or miss setting.
The music is really important for the club.
I've had good experiences at the club where the music is like RB hip hop, you know, music that I would dance to.
But if it's not that case, then I absolutely don't like that experience.
I feel like there's another factor here that we didn't touch upon yet, which is how often you're going to social events.
And I think this can also be a factor that can be hit or miss, because if you're constantly going to social events all the time, maybe you feel more socially lubricated, ready to chat with other people and you're kind of staying at your A game.
But at the same time, I think, when many social events are back to back, you might start feeling overwhelmed.
You might find yourself repeating the same story over and over to like 40 different people.
So where do you think your sweet spot is?
Oh, it depends on the type of event.
So like most recently, the events we've been going to are weddings, birthday parties.
And I think my most favorite is actually like the casual game night.
So like very intimate, small gatherings.
I could do game nights more often.
I think we do it like every other week, pretty frequently.
And I'm okay with that type of social setting.
But I think those are specifically with friends that I don't have to stress about.
It's really easy to hang out with them.
I don't have to worry about meeting people for the first time.
And if I do, then it's pretty easy.
For weddings, I'm cool with frequent weddings.
I think this year we've gone to like three weddings so far.
So it's a lot easier.
Lot of weddings, but i actually really enjoy weddings because i think it's a kind of a little reunion with our friends.
So it ends up being it's a really exciting event.
So i'm okay with those being frequent, i think, in terms of festivals, maybe once once a year though, or twice a year, and that's kind of my limit because that takes a lot out of me.
So it really depends.
Yeah, I would agree.
I think it's definitely company dependent.
If it's people I'm super comfortable with, I can probably do something social a few times a week.
For example, like some of us went to Outside Lands recently and that three-day event just like took it out of me.
Like I was just like, For the whole week, I was just like, I can't do anything.
I can't do anything the next weekend.
I just have to lay in bed and rock.
And I even messed that up, and there was like a day in between where I ended up going drinking and I was like, why did I do that?
But yeah, I think like the casual, like low stakes people, you know, I can do that quite often.
I think the only times that I have an exception with that is like oh, it works like really shitty that week.
And I'm like, oh, this is just going to add stress to my life rather than, you know, helping me out.
Then in that case I think I would, I would say not as often, but usually yeah, good company, familiar company, low stakes events I can do pretty, pretty often.
Dang, I feel like my ideal is maybe just hang out like once a month.
Chris was like, don't talk to me.
But I think I can agree when it's like a more intimate, just like close friends thing.
That is definitely manageable and I can do that more often.
But I think what really matters to me is if we're drinking or not.
Because if we're drinking every weekend, I will just be sad.
But if it's like you know, we're having dinner or lunch together or just having like a casual hangout, then I think that is way easier.
I just feel like now the recovery after drinking is so rough.
Even if I'm not necessarily hungover, I'm just so low energy.
I need a day or two to recover. lie in bed doing nothing.
So relatable.
Yeah, I feel like it's hard to understand what cadence of hangout I need to be on my a game.
I think sometimes There have been winter holidays or something where everyone's traveling and we're all busy and we don't get to see each other, where I'm like fiending for that social hangout.
But there are also times where I'm like hanging out all the time.
I just get so drained.
So I don't know where that balance lies, but all I know is that it can't be on one extreme or another.
Like it has to feel balanced and balanced. the upkeep of these social events can't be too high.
So for weddings, for example, I feel like I need a week of alone time after a wedding, especially if I'm heavily involved in it, kind of recover socially.
But if it's a casual wedding where i'm just a guest, then it could feel more like a easy enhancement to my week and not the sole commitment of that week.
How long did it take you to recover from your own wedding?
Ooh.
Oh.
It took a little bit.
I think I had some family obligations afterwards.
So it's not to show up and smile and everything.
But with friend hangouts and whatnot, I think the ideal recovery would have been like a week still dang okay.
Yeah, i feel like being a bride or groom that's a big social event.
You're like the attention is all on you, sometimes for like multiple days.
And then I also think like a number of people is a big factor for me.
I think there is a threshold past, like even if it's everybody I know, maybe at a certain point I'm like all right, if it's just like two or three people, I can do that constantly.
One person is like super easy for me.
If it's like coffee, whatever, like those types of hangouts, I feel nothing afterwards usually.
I feel just energized.
You feel nothing afterwards.
You feel dead inside afterwards.
Nothing in terms of exhaustion.
Yeah, yeah.
Interesting.
Sometimes one-on-ones actually exhaust me more.
Well, it depends on like the person, but like one-on-ones sometimes like it's just you two.
I don't know.
I feel like I get a little bit more tired sometimes.
Versus like if I were in a group setting.
I can like sometimes kind of fade into the background and let other people interact, and I can just like rest a little bit.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think that makes a lot of sense.
If it's like a one-on-one with someone who you're just starting to get closer to, or just meeting, I feel like by the end my brain is swollen.
My eyes are so tired.
I'm like, what did we even talk about?
Yeah.
Otherwise, with someone who you know really well, you can just sit in silence sometimes too, or just like each disassociate next to each other.
That's true.
Yeah, because it's one on one for someone you're meeting kind of for the first time or like the first few times your brain is trying to come up with questions.
You're trying to like have a good conversation.
So I feel like there's more work involved than if you're just like chilling on the couch with a friend.
Yeah, I think there's definitely a variability in the level of engagement, because sometimes, even at like a big house party where there's a lot of people, you could just like start playing video games on the couch, you know, grab your friend and talk in a corner or something.
But yeah, on like a one-on-one level, I've been in like one on one situations where you go into like a really deep conversation.
And it takes like every brain cell to be fired up to like give that conversation the attention that it deserves.
So I think it can be kind of a toss up.
So I actually have a question, though.
What is something that gets you hyped up for events?
Like what is something?
If it's like a person or maybe it's like celebration type, you just know like this will make you really excited and have a good time.
One, I once again would say is definitely the people also attending that event.
And then two.
I do feel like I get.
It's not like Sunday scaries, but like dinners before going to an event.
And alcohol always helps with that a little bit.
So I think a good pregame is always a nice way to prepare for a bigger event, if you're going out somewhere or to a festival, to a bigger party, whatever it might be.
I think same.
It's the people.
If there's like a reason we're gathering, like if it's a close friend's birthday or a wedding that we're celebrating, that gets me ramped up.
But I think the third thing is like the type of activity.
So I love group trips.
Like ones I think of are the one we did crystal for San Diego.
And also I went to Hawaii with Harpreet and Serena.
Yeah.
Just like getting really amped up about a trip with my friends, and like being able to eat explore, go to a new place together, fly together.
I think that gets me really excited.
If I'm not excited just yet, then alcohol definitely does help, I think, for me.
I mean, I love events where you celebrate stuff, but I think what really gets me excited is seeing an old friend you haven't seen in a long time and knowing that you'll be able to go to this event and catch up with them.
Another thing is, if I'm not in the mood to go out yet, I feel like the pre-dinner before going out always helps me get into that and ease into it a little bit.
So if there's not pure excitement at the beginning of something, Having some sort of like mini event, like a pregame, like Heart Precept or dinner, will kind of help me ramp up into that too.
I think I'm pretty similar with you all.
Activity is sometimes a factor.
People is definitely one.
If I'm going to a party and there's no one I know, I'll be like, shit, should I even go?
Yeah.
How was I invited?
Knowing that you have at least one really close friend going is always such a safety net.
This is a little silly, and I guess maybe there's a theme here, but...
If I have that close friend who's going with me and then I'm able to plan an escape plan with them.
I think that is also very helpful.
It actually improves my mood, because then I know like oh, we don't have to stay there the whole time.
We can go in, have our fun and then leave.
And everyone just has a good time.
I can just imagine Crystal quietly going, okay, I'm going to go now.
Yeah, I'm like, where's the back door?
I've never seen her do that.
She's like, where are the emergency exits?
Okay, so Jisoo, you don't mind a pre-dinner event as long as the dinner isn't like the main event.
Because I think earlier you said you'd rather be in a house, somewhere like in an intimate setting getting to know people, rather than like over dinner.
Yeah, actually, that's a good point.
I guess I just mind when dinner is the event.
And then it feels like we have to do all of our socializing and all of the memory building at the dinner, versus if dinner is the pre event, then it kind of just feels like a transition period.
So there's a little bit less pressure around like the dinner table conversations.
So I guess it makes a difference what it's slotted in as.
I totally agree with you.
I don't like big dinner, like dinners with like huge groups of people, because I'm like oh, I'm just going to get to know like the two people in my corner.
Yeah.
Because I don't want to yell across the table.
I will, but I don't want to.
Yeah.
And I think I'm also just hella paranoid about having like stuff in my teeth, or you know, there's a lot of mishaps that happen when you're talking while eating.
Like, of course, not at the same time, but even in similar capacities.
If dinner is the main event, then the entire event.
I'm just going to be like paranoid about what's in my mouth.
Yeah.
But I guess, dinner and alcohol aside, is there anything else that you guys do to prep for nights out or events or gatherings, to kind of get you hyped up and excited?
This isn't to get hyped up or excited per se, but I think with the age I definitely try to hammer a bunch of water and maybe a liquid IV before.
Because I know I'm really bad about drinking water once I'm at an event.
So that helps me later down the line.
Oh, and if I have some like drunchies at home that I can look forward to.
Good prep.
Meal prep.
Another thing that me and stanley do actually, is try to remind each other of people's names.
So before we go to an event, sometimes i'll go through the particle and i'll be like okay Name name name, name.
And just try to help each other, remember the people that are going to show up to this event so we can prepare to say hi.
Because I hate those awkward encounters when you're like Hey, they know my name, but I forgot their name.
I feel terrible when that happens.
And it's like a bad start, right?
So yeah, me and Stanley will always do that before an event just to prepare.
Dude, that's so smart.
And that actually has been happening to me a lot where I forget someone's name.
Recently, I pulled you aside at one like pregame and I was like, wait, who is that?
Like, what is that girl's name again?
Like, I know who she is.
I know where we met her. all of that, but I just forget her name.
After you told me I kept saying her name in the conversation and I was like there must be a point where she was like huh Crystal suddenly started saying my name.
She suddenly remembered who I am.
Yeah, it's funny.
Stanley will actually text me during the event of people that he meets up the night so that I don't know, like some sort of like, don't forget like, here's a name.
Here's another name.
And they're always misspelled.
Like whatever works for you, you know?
It's just a hit list.
I'm imagining like a whole wall in your apartment with just like Polaroids of people and their names.
Oh my gosh, that'd be crazy.
And then you're like, all right, next event, moving them over into the guest list.
I'm like, what is this text?
And it's like people's names.
That's a good one though.
Do you guys also like debrief beforehand?
Like okay, this person's name is A boyfriend of B, like works at C Yes, and I was like, what's his girlfriend's name again?
Like, who's that one girl that's like, you know?
And then he'll remember or I'll remember.
Yeah, it definitely helps to like prep for an event like that.
There was like this moment a couple months ago where I went out and it was with a crowd that I didn't really know and we didn't get briefed on who was who, like on the ride up.
So during my conversation with this person I was like oh, where'd you go to school?
And then it got super awkward because this person was like oh yeah, I used to date that person, but she like really fucked me over.
So I don't really like to talk about it.
And I was like, oh, my God, I am so sorry.
This was not in the brief.
Oh, no.
Do you guys have like a recovery strategy?
Wait, I just usually ask Eileen.
Oh, let's say Eileen isn't there.
I'll just be truthful.
I'll be like, I'm so sorry.
I don't remember your name, but I know who you are.
And I list a bunch of facts about them.
A bunch of facts?
Well, Crystal, that's so weird.
I'll be like, yeah, we met here.
And like, I know this.
We talked about this last time, but I'm so sorry.
I forgot your name.
That's funny.
I mean, yeah, I'll be truthful.
I'll be like, we've met before, but I forgot your name.
I'm Eileen, by the way.
You know, like just to make it okay if like they've forgotten my name.
But you know, who's a really good vibe setter is actually Nancy.
She's like a really good, she might not be the host, but she's really good at introducing people.
Like she'll say like, have you met my best friend Eileen and Chris yet?
And then she'll introduce me to someone else.
And I think that's also a great way.
I'll like tap her on the shoulder and be like, I don't remember that girl.
Like can you introduce us?
And she'll like just do it.
So I think having someone like that helps break the ice.
That's a good point, because then you now have the option to be like oh, we totally met already, but now you also know their name too.
Just as insurance exactly, yeah Dang.
All right.
We're recruiting Nancy.
Sort of going off that I think I do find myself sometimes if I'm talking.
It might not be the best thing I do honestly, but if I'm talking to somebody about something and I see somebody walking by that also likes that particular topic, I will totally just pull them into the conversation.
And then sometimes I'll even just let them go and I'll like fuck off somewhere.
You pass them off to someone.
Not in a bad way.
I'm like, oh, you guys both like this mutual thing.
Maybe you guys can get along.
Or you could be like, how do you know Harpreet?
Like the host, you know?
Like, how do you know XYZ?
Do you want a shot?
What's your name again?
The whole laundry list.
All easy ways, I guess.
Get people to introduce themselves.
Yeah, these are good ones.
And there's also like the wedding version of, so which side are you on?
Like groom side or bride side?
It's always definitely easier to ask someone for their name when everyone's just a little inebriated.
Yeah, I think I did all of those separate questions that you just listed Eileen, at a housewarming I went to recently.
I knew like one other person there.
So I was like, okay.
Including the, do you want a shot?
I feel like recently my prompt has been like, are you on the bride or groom side?
How did you guys meet?
If they're from college, like, did you see their love story?
Or like, what do you remember about their relationship?
You really want to get to know them.
I do.
Know all the fun facts, but not their name, you know?
What if you're tired before an event?
You need to bring your energy up.
Is there anything that kind of helps you with that?
Definitely a nap if I have enough time.
Even if it's like a 15 minute nap, I think it goes a long way.
I have to eat something or else I'll show up hangry.
If it's more of like a casual event where sometimes it's okay for you to not even show up.
There have been times where I just said sorry, I can't make it.
Like, I'm not, I'm not feeling it.
More often than not, sometimes the entire group is like, yeah, let's just frame check.
Damn, you destroyed the whole thing.
It's not me.
It's most of the time mutual.
Like, for example yesterday, after the hike that we did, the group wanted to hang out again and see what the vibes were.
After one person was like, I might rain check.
I'm pretty tired.
The rest of the group were like, Yeah, us too.
You know, just not hanging out.
I feel like that's a learning that I'm trying to get better about, because when there's like a social obligation, it's really hard for me to say no to that, unless I feel like it's super casual.
But there have also been many times where I like pull up to an event even though I'm not feeling my best, and the whole time I'm just like a potato sack, you know, I'm like it's hard for me to laugh, it's hard for me to like socialize and joke around, and the whole time I'm there I'm just like when can I leave?
So it's like maybe it would have been better if I just stayed at home.
Yeah, I think I'm okay about sometimes just not going to an event if I'm really really not feeling it.
Something I'll also do is when I get there, if I'm in that similar situation where like oh, I'm just going to show up and do what I can.
I'll sometimes just tell people, I'm not going to stay that long.
That sort of gives me a bit of a leash, I guess, to escape if I need to, if I'm really really not into it.
But I can usually turn on my like yapper instincts and at least force a few conversations if I need to.
Yeah.
Sometimes I'm not feeling it.
I just sort of, I'm just there and I'm smiling and I'm vibing, but yeah.
Just say you have like a pet at home, you know, just make up a pet.
Now we know, now we know every time you leave for pepper, we know why you're actually leaving.
I feel like every time I don't want to go to an event, but I still do, I actually end up enjoying the event.
Like more often than not, I'm like, that was really good.
Like that was a nice hangout or I'm glad we did that.
I can't really think of a time where I was like, oh, that sucked.
Why do we go?
So I don't know.
Maybe that's like the extrovert of me where like, even though I'm exhausted before and have to force myself to go, I end up actually feeling energized after the event.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think I have a similar thing to Harpreet, where if I give myself permission to leave early then it actually takes away some of the stress.
And then that actually helps me let loose a bit more.
And then sometimes I might even end up staying longer than I originally had planned.
It's almost like going halfway to no.
Like instead of fully just like backing out, you're like, okay, I'll just like leave a little early.
Then you see your friends, you're like, oh, actually, it's kind of nice seeing you all.
Yeah.
What does leaving early mean to you guys?
Like, is it two hours at an event or something else?
It's actually, I think.
Every time I do give myself that leash, I end up staying much longer than I originally intended.
But I think I'll stay like, I'm gonna stick around for like an hour.
But like, let's say it is an event where like, There's alcohol involved.
You know you can't.
You can't drink it and leave in an hour, which is OK too, because like sort of like we said earlier, like if everyone's a little inebriated it's a little easier to just let loose and and catch up with maybe even people you don't know.
And it always ends up being like two to three hours.
I also look at the time of when the event starts.
I'll give myself a time to leave by.
So maybe if the event is like 5 pm, i'll be like okay, that means it probably includes dinner and then afterwards we're probably going somewhere else.
So if i can just leave by like 10 or something or like before midnight or not an hour later than midnight, you know, something like that.
This is making me realize.
I think sometimes, if I'm really not feeling an event, I will also have this urge to leave early or stay the acceptable amount of time and then dip right.
Sometimes I'll have this bad habit of asking everyone at the thing so what time are you guys staying till?
Like, what are you leaving?
Just to see if it's normal, you know?
I'm like, where's like the obligatory line?
And then I'm realizing now that is like negative vibes.
But sometimes a girl just needs to know.
Well, what's the typical answer?
I feel like a lot of the times people actually have a time or, if it's not a time like they'll have like a vibe when the night gets to this vibe.
I'll leave.
Like oh, when it starts quieting down, or maybe when a couple people leave, like I might start to dip too.
And oftentimes I think that is sort of the way that things flow.
It just takes that first party of people to leave and then people start to like trickle out through the night.
On this topic.
I feel like I'm not really like a flaky person, but I'm low key flaky at leaving early.
Sometimes I'll plan with someone else.
Let's leave in this like in between dinner and the next destination.
Perfect time to slip away.
No one will notice.
And then, you know, that time comes up and the person's like, hey, Crystal, like, you ready to go?
And then I'm like, wait, shoot, maybe I'll stay an extra hour.
Yeah.
It's like you make up the escape plan, but you're not committing to it.
It's flexible.
It's a flexible escape plan.
But I'm like, but you can leave if you want.
I'll cover for you.
But I might actually stay an extra hour.
I have a really bad habit of doing that too.
I mean I guess it just goes to show that we end up having a pretty good time.
It's like being out and socializing is usually a good thing.
Well, I kind of want to pivot into setting the vibes at these social events.
So now that you have your escape plan, maybe pre-gamed a little bit, and you're physically present at this event, are there things that you try to do to set the vibes?
Or do you think your first instinct is to kind of suss it out first?
Should we narrow down on what type of event?
Let's say it's like a house party.
Oh, that's hard.
I think it depends on how early I get there.
Maybe I'm like early or really on time, so not too many people are there yet.
I will find a corner or I'll find the host maybe to do some small talk to the best of my ability.
If it's a house party, maybe even asking the host if there's anything that I can help with.
Actually, what was really funny was recently I was at a friend's place.
We got there first before everyone else.
And she was like oh Crystal, do you want to help me like?
Set the table, put out some like snacks and food.
I know you mentioned you like having to do something if no one's here yet.
I was like, oh, my God, thank you so much for these tasks.
Sometimes I like to bring food.
If there's like a dessert that I can bring, that I could be like, I brought cake.
And everyone's like, whoa, you know.
Get really excited once you like start.
I think it also helps that Stanley's with me all the time.
So I don't feel like a lone person coming to a house party.
Like at least have a partner that I can, that we can like tag team and try to like join conversation.
But yeah, i will find the host, because typically i know the host, or i will find someone else that has gone there first.
I will bring alcohol so i'll like try to get the juices flowing.
If it's like that type of event, i think if there's food involved, i'm like oh, would you make, or like what type of food do we have tonight?
And then I feel like it usually kind of goes naturally from there.
When I was thinking about this earlier, I also thought about the definitely asking the host if I can help out in any way.
And then that's like a, sometimes there's somebody else doing that too.
So it's like a natural way to maybe meet or talk to somebody that's going to be there later.
If I'm getting there later.
Whatever the event is, I think I just try to like rip off the bandaid really hard and I'll just start introducing myself to people like aggressively.
And then I feel like I don't know if this counts in terms of like setting the vibes, but I feel like I can usually at least find one or two people that I'm really vibing with.
And then I will try to like break off from them, go go chat with more people.
But then if i do find blue, just like standing there with nobody, i'll just like go back, like hey, come and insert myself back over here.
Or if they're talking to new people also, i just use them as a segue.
That's kind of smart.
You're like planting someone in the audience that you can return back to.
I need my safe bubble.
Another good one is if I've never been to the house before, I ask for a house tour.
Yes, I love doing that.
I'm like, take us around.
And then that usually prompts like, whoa, the backyard or like, you know.
I think it also makes people join you.
Like they hear the word house tour, they're like, wait.
And then, you know, a couple strangers come on too.
And then that's the perfect opportunity to like meet some new people.
Yeah, exactly.
Like, give me a toy for plants.
I feel like these are pretty good strategies.
I mean, I think I'm kind of similar in like the asking for how can I help, or bringing something notable to talk about.
I remember once we went to Safeway to pick up seltzers or something before a party and they had the hard Mountain Dew seltzers.
So I was like, dude, this is like the one thing I'm going to bring.
And I'm going to talk about this all night to everyone at the party.
Easy social crutch.
So we brought it and that's exactly what happened.
Wait, I remember that.
The moment I walked in, Jisoo was like, Crystal, I brought these like hard Mountain Dew seltzers.
You should go try one.
I was like okay okay, that's funny.
Oh, are they good?
Yeah, pretty good.
I was gonna say, maybe i should go.
This does remind me one of the last few times i went to get alcohol for a function.
Me and my housemates found this, this alcohol, and it was a dorito flavored alcohol.
Oh my god, That sounds gross.
I do think I showed the picture to some people at that thing.
I was like, look at this.
This is crazy.
But I did not buy it.
Actually, a really good vibe starter, I feel like, is complimenting someone's outfit, too.
Like, oh, I really like that fit.
Where'd you get that?
Maybe it's, like, a girly thing.
Yeah, I was going to say, like, do guys, are guys like, yo, I love your jacket?
I think I do.
I feel like Harpreet, you and Stanley sometimes are like, oh, I like that shirt.
Yeah.
Like if it's not clothing or if it like feels weird to do that, I will definitely.
I'll find something to compliment in the house for sure.
Because I think we're all also at that age where all of us have like a little bit of our own aesthetic in our homes.
For some reason, home decor gets me excited these days.
I do actually genuinely get hyped when I see something cool in somebody's house.
You know what I've seen a couple of times with guys?
I've seen guys look down at the floor and be like, yo, dude, I also have those Costco socks.
I've seen this multiple times throughout the last like 10 years and they always bond over it.
Oh my gosh.
Oh my gosh.
I do have this coworker that I'm pretty close to, and our relationship is mostly predicated on the fact that we just both love Costco.
We're both weebs and we both like Costco.
Oh my god.
Costco was a fun group trip, by the way.
When we went in Hawaii, that was pretty fun.
That's true.
So basically compliment anything in the house or clothing. start a conversation about it.
I also just thought of one that could be good, which is asking to start a party game.
Hey, anyone interested in, I don't know, Rage Cage?
Crystal's trying to rage.
There's only two games that are going to come out again.
Oh my gosh.
It's that or 7-Eleven Doubles.
Oh my gosh.
You know, if it's a crowd favorite, usually people will be interested in playing, or if it's like a brand new game, then I think that also piques everyone's interest.
Yeah, Do you think?
In a party setting though, are you personally one of the more passive, I guess, people where you let the party come to you, or are you more active in the sense where you know, like you're like hey who wants to play this game, or active in getting people together or moving them towards a certain activity?
Since we've gone to parties together, we should say what we think each other are.
So we should all describe Harpreet first.
Okay, so the two options are passive or active?
Yeah.
Okay.
I think Harpreet, when he's hosting, is very active in making shots happen.
But I think when he's attending, he's a little more passive, but he's always down.
Like if you come up to him and you're like, hey, do you want to play a game?
Or do you want to take a shot or whatever?
Harpreet will be like, okay.
And he'll help you set up the game or he'll help you like do the activity.
I could see that.
Yeah, I kind of agree with that.
I feel like maybe the way to describe it is he's like the most active, passive person, as like a guest.
So he won't be like gathering people to be like, guys, let's rage or like let's play this game.
But he'll be like very actively setting vibes one on one with people or, like in smaller groups, making sure that the energy is generally up.
But he won't be like moving the party around to whatever he wants to do.
Yeah, I think I'm active, as like Stanley, who's like forcing shots down people's, And her pre is not that.
I think as a host, you are definitely more active, but I think you're more of like you float.
Like you try to make sure people are okay in like different circles.
You're like, hey, put your bags here in my room.
Or like, hey, like, what do you guys need?
Do you guys need more shots?
Do you need more water?
You're like very active in terms of like, making sure people are comfortable and then passive.
You're like, you're in, you're down, but you're not the ones that are like but you're checking on people for sure.
Yeah, i would agree with all that.
I think, i think i think i'm actively passive, or whatever jesus said.
Yeah yeah i, i was when i was gonna answer that.
I was like i feel like i played both sides a little bit, but yeah, i'm definitely not one to like get the whole crowd to someplace, unless it's like us moving through a festival, then i will.
I don't mind doing that.
Yeah oh, that's true.
At a house, yeah, I'm definitely just like a floater and I'm making my rounds and drinking alcohol.
All right, we should describe Eileen next.
I think Eileen is actually surprisingly passive because her friends are more active facts.
So she's like I'll let my friends take the reins and I will support them all the way.
Yeah Yeah, Eileen's friends be active, active.
And they know exactly who they are.
We don't need multiple actives out there, you know?
That's what they all are.
You're out-actived.
Yeah, actually.
But when I do sense like, when I'm like anxious, I will be active in like trying to get people to drink shots.
Or, like, if I, like, show up and I'm like, ooh, people are drunk already, I'm like, shots!
More, more!
Yeah, I was going to say, you definitely also can four shots if you want to.
Yes, I can.
And I think you also do float around and you will get to know the room and meet many people.
Whether you know them or not, you'll definitely make the rounds and find something mutual that you might have with somebody else.
I definitely get stressed as a host, though.
I do that same thing where I'm like are people comfortable?
Does everyone have everything they need?
Sorry, our house is small, like yeah, i definitely worry and i get anxious when i host, so i would prefer not to host.
Well, speaking of hosts, I think Jisoo is a very interesting case.
Tell us more.
She actually usually hosts a lot for like a couple of our friend groups.
When she's host, she's definitely active.
But what's really funny is, I think she's like a little quietly active because she needs to confirm with someone first.
She'll be like, oh, James, like, do you think people will want to do this?
Or sometimes it'll be like another friend and she'll be like Do you think people would be down to like rage right now?
And then and then once she gets the yes, she's like, all right.
And then she like starts moving everyone and hurting everyone.
Or sometimes it's like someone else will ask her, like, what if we did this right now?
And then she will be like, OK, let's do that.
But have you ever gotten a no, Jisoo?
Like, no, now's not the time.
I feel like people would typically say yes, right?
I think there are probably times where people were like, oh, maybe not right now or something.
I think it's right that I do like a buy-in.
I want like a verbal yes first.
Is it because it's at someone's party, someone else's party or is it you as a host?
I think when it's me as a host, I like to know that it's going to be something that people will enjoy.
But I wouldn't be like, we have to do this.
I see.
Unless it's a certain point of the night, then maybe I will be like, we have to do this.
So you're a considerate host.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I guess that's one way of putting it.
I've never been the person she confirms with.
So I haven't seen that side.
But I think she's very active about getting people to play games, moving people around her house, depending on where people are at.
And yeah, I think you also float and talk to everybody at your house.
Understandably, talk to everybody that's at your house if you're hosting.
And then, yeah, I really like last time that you were making people drinks, too.
I think that was really good.
I feel like that's a super good way to like oh, with every single person.
I'm basically going to have like a mini, like one-on-one, like catch-up for a second.
Yeah.
Oh, that's cute.
Wait, like, you were making cocktails?
Yeah, I was like I'm going to make three cocktails and everyone who comes to the door can like pick one.
So then there was like a little line of people and many cocktails I was giving out.
Wow.
I'm trying to get invited to Jisoo's events.
Wow.
That's so thoughtful.
And I was like, me and Eileen never drank together before.
I think we did once, right?
For New Year's.
Oh, yes, yes, yes.
But that was like a long time ago.
Like three, four years ago.
Yeah, three or four years ago.
Yeah.
But I remember at that party, me, Harpreet, Tanae, and Stanley only knew like four people.
Oh, I remember now.
Yes, yes, yes.
I remember.
We like stayed in a corner the entire night.
Yeah, Jisoo, that almost inspired me at our Outside Lands pregame.
In my head I was like oh, it'd be really nice if I could use my espresso machine and make everybody a coffee when they came out if they wanted one.
But then I was like, oh, no, I'm way too stressed for this.
I'm nixing this.
I was like, no way.
People can be caffeinated before they get here.
You can drink your own coffee.
Yeah.
Caffeine pills.
Here you go.
Well, last but not least, there is Crystal.
How do you guys think you would describe Crystal?
Active or passive?
Passive.
I mean, escape plan, in a corner.
I think she told on herself.
The clues are all there.
I know.
So she's more passive, but when it's me and Crystal, she's very active with me, if that makes sense.
She'll be like, Eileen, let's take a shot.
Let's take a shot.
I think she'll be more active one-on-one, but in a group setting.
I think Crystal is more of a passive person.
Or at least I haven't been to an event you've hosted, I think.
Right, Crystal?
I think it's always like we go to events together, but I don't think you've ever had to host or be active.
When Crystal hosted her housewarming, I was like whoa, Crystal is like such a good host because she goes around and, like we've all been saying, like checks on everyone, sets up games when they need to be set up, like has all the food prepared and whatnot.
I think in a general sense, Crystal can be a passive party person, but the times that she's active is when it comes to like beer pong.
Crystal will always step up to the plate to play some VP and hopefully crush some dudes on the other side of the table.
And I feel like that's when you're sometimes the most engaged, ready and fired up to win.
True.
I'm like, we need to destroy everyone at this party.
She's motivated.
I don't think I'm misremembering this, but I feel like if there's like a circle of people talking, Crystal's pretty good at like leading the conversation.
Yes.
Because this is me going off outside lands on Friday.
Oh, dude, that's alcohol talking.
But you're very good at it.
No, Crystal will yap for sure.
Yeah, i'm a secret yapper.
She's a secret yapper.
Like once you have like a topic, she'll like pop off.
Very true, that's why we have this.
This is her outlet yeah, but i feel like that is a pretty hard thing to do because, like i, i find myself in the big conversation like that.
I'm bad at like oh, when do i insert myself?
But yeah, you were, you were pretty spot on and good about including people in the conversation, from what i remember.
Wow thanks, Very true.
I feel like there's many parties or many times where I like turn back to look at Crystal and she's like in some corner, like one on one, having like the deepest conversation ever with someone.
That is so true.
We were at a bachelorette earlier this year.
There were some girls that we were meeting for the first time.
Later, on the bride of the bachelorette, she told me she was like dude, one of the girls you met.
She was like why are we having?
Deep conversations.
I'm too blasted for this.
Crystal's asking me deep-ass questions.
Wait, that girl, I ran into her in the bathroom and then she was like, dude, Crystal?
And I was like, yeah, what?
She's like, Crystal can yap.
I was like, I know.
It's her superpower.
Yeah, there's two sides of me.
But yeah, I would say that's pretty active.
I'm trying to be passive, but sometimes if the alcohol is flowing, there's some parts that get active.
I'm trying to be passive.
That's funny.
I have a tangential question.
This happened the other day and I was like oh, this actually would be pretty funny to ask you guys.
Let's say you're texting someone.
Let's say they're doing a disturb, and it has, like, the notify anyway button.
I don't know if I'm into minority, but I just always press this notify anyway.
I'm like so shameless about it.
Wait, that's so funny.
I've never even thought to press it.
Me neither.
I thought it was like, do you want to annoy this person?
I was like, maybe if it's an emergency.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's funny.
It's never, almost never an emergency.
I've never, I've always been like, Oh, I won't click it.
It's okay.
They'll just respond to me later.
That's funny.
You savage.
That's active behavior right there.
Active behavior for sure.
It can't be that important, right?
What are you doing, sleeping?
But I mean, that's fair.
Most people's phones are probably on vibrate anyway.
Yeah.
They could be watching a movie, Harpreet.
Yeah, exactly.
So it's not that important.
Harpreet's like, get over here now.
We're pouring shots.
Talk to me.
Well, I have a final question for us all, which is about the exact vibe that you know and love.
So how would you describe your favorite vibes at an event that you're going to?
I'm hoping that everyone else is super amped up so they can carry the vibe.
That's a good one.
That's a passive.
I think for me, good company, good music, good food.
And intimate, like a community vibe.
People are all there to hang out.
They're like excited to be there and like want to spend time together.
Yeah, definitely the good company part.
If the roster of people is like, you know, it's like the perfect group of people.
You got your yappers, you're not, you're passive, you're active.
Everyone's sort of there.
Maybe even in a setting where you are like, let's say it is like a reunion type setting.
I think those are always like.
As of recent, those always felt the most memorable, because it is a little harder to get everyone's schedule aligned these days.
If drinking is involved.
I think I do prefer day drinking nowadays with everybody like yeah if it's outside, or like in somebody, if somebody has like a backyard that we can all just sort of hang out in.
That's my ideal, ideal setting.
I think for me the ideal good vibes are just like a setting where everyone is kind of feeling their best on their A game, ready to come and enjoy whatever event it is.
Something that happens occasionally is when you get an old group of friends together and everything is just magically funny.
There are just those nights where you start to go hoarse from laughing too much, like your cheeks hurt.
All the jokes are fire and you're bringing up old memories and whatnot.
So I think those kind of events are always my favorite.
This is random, but recently I've been thinking about a really good couch sets a really good vibe.
If it can fit everyone, if it's comfortable, if everyone's just around the couch, I feel like that also sets a really intimate vibe.
I enjoy those couch types of settings.
A good couch is a great setting.
Yeah, I can definitely relate.
Our other friend group from San Diego, when we all get together, it's just like random noises.
We're laughing for no reason.
And yeah, those are definitely the best.
Yeah, I think at the end of the day, a lot of the vibes is like the attitude you bring and the people around us, their attitude as well.
I think it was really interesting to hear about all of our different approaches in getting ready, how we provide our energy, whether that's actively or passively, and how we have all contributed to a really good and vibey night.
So thank you so much Eileen and Harpreet for joining us today and chatting about party vibes.
And for our listeners out there.
If you have any of your own thoughts about how you bring the vibes to parties, feel free to reach out to us on social media.
We have Instagram at eatyourcrustpod and we also have email eatyourcrustpod at gmail.com.
And if you'd like to catch our other episodes, then don't forget to follow us on Spotify, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
We upload new episodes every other Wednesday morning.
Thanks for listening.
And don't forget to eat your crust.
