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Let's make it studio.
Hi there. It's Friday.
We made it through the week.
Welcome to Radioheadspace.
It's Eve here. So, I'm going to start with a question today.
How do you talk to yourself when you feel anxious?
Do you find that you often come from a place of judgment or criticism?
Like, Ugh, why are you freaking out?
Other people handle stress just fine.
What's wrong with you?
Or, get together. I think a lot of the time, we don't actually realize the inner dialogue that is running through the mind.
It's almost like it's on default.
I remember when I first went to see a therapist for my anxiety and she said, why are you giving yourself such a hard time for feeling this way?
You know it's not wrong to feel worried about something.
I think I burst into tears at the time.
I hadn't realized how unkind I was being to myself.
Instead of validating my feelings, I was judging them.
And that judgement was making my anxiety so much worse.
I think part of the reason we're so hard on ourselves is that we've been conditioned to see emotions like anxiety as bad.
But anxiety isn't bad.
It's not the enemy.
It's actually just trying to protect you.
Our brains are wired for survival.
And even though we don't face the same physical threats our ancestors did, like being chased by a wild tiger, the brain still reacts the same way when we're stressed.
The world we live in today is full of modern day wild tigers.
Deadlines, financial stress, social anxiety, and the pressure to be always on.
So when we feel anxious, it's not because we're weak or overreacting.
It's because our brain is just trying to keep us safe.
judging ourselves and layering on criticism for feeling this way doesn't help.
In fact, it makes things worse, which is why when it comes to calming an anxious mind, kindness and compassion play a huge role.
I'll admit, self -compassion did not come naturally at first. When I was struggling with anxiety, the idea of being kind to myself honestly felt a little strange.
I remember thinking, how is kindness going to help my anxiety?
Shouldn't I be trying to get rid of it?
But what I've learned over the years is that self -compassion doesn't make anxiety go away, it helps us relate to it in a different way.
When we meet anxiety with kindness instead of criticism, we create a space where we can handle it with more ease.
And then naturally, those feelings of anxiety have space to lessen.
In meditation, there's a really lovely term that is used when it comes to self -compassion, and that is making friends with yourself.
Can you treat yourself and speak to yourself like you would a dear friend?
Think about it. If a friend came to you feeling anxious and overwhelmed, you probably wouldn't say, you're really overreacting, you should just stop feeling this way, you're being ridiculous.
I mean you could, but you probably wouldn't keep them as a friend, you'd probably say something kind and reassuring like, I know this is really hard, but you're doing your best, I'm here for you, and I hear you, and you're not alone in this.
So why don't we say those things to ourselves when we're in the grips of anxiety.
There's a really beautiful meditation technique called loving -kindness, and it's a way to rewire that inner dialogue so that over time our default response to stress becomes kindness instead of criticism.
It's a way to cultivate a sense of friendliness towards yourself and others.
Part of the practice involves sending kind and loving phrases, and one part of the practice involve sending those phrases to yourself.
So let's try it together now.
I know it might feel a little odd at first, but the more you do it, the more it starts to soften that inner critic.
So wherever you are right now, maybe take a couple of slower, deeper breaths, keeping your eyes open.
You could perhaps place a hand on your heart center if that feels good.
And repeat the following phrases after me Just silently to yourself.
May I show myself kindness.
May I be patient as I navigate this difficulty.
May I accept myself just as I am.
How did that feel? I know it might feel strange at first, but the more you do it, the more it does start to soften that inner critic.
It helps shift the way you talk to yourself so that instead of saying, I shouldn't feel this way, you're saying, it's okay to feel this way.
And instead of saying, I need to get it together, you're saying, I'm doing my best. And that shift can change everything.
It also helps to see that you won't always feel like this.
So today, and over the weekend, I invite you to pay attention to your inner dialogue.
If you catch yourself being critical, try and pause.
Ask yourself, would I say this to a friend?
And if not, see if you can shift your tone even just a little.
I'll leave it there for today and for this week.
I hope you have a lovely weekend.
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