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Hey everyone, it's Jay Shady, and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour.
For the first time ever, you can experience on purpose in person.
Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests.
It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth, spark learning and build real connections I can't wait to meet you There are a limited number of VIP experiences for a private Q &A, intimate meditation, and the meet and greet with photos Tickets are on sale now Head to JShedi .me forward slash tour and get yours today I want to go back to the first time you ever met.
When you're a pop star like she is and you're a huge entity and people set up all these walls before and then the first second you like disarmed everybody.
By the way congratulations on your engagement.
When you first were meeting and recording together there was a sense of you were protecting What gave you confidence to open up?
What I fell for Benny, it was...
everything about him was honest. He'll tell me anything that he's feeling.
And it made me feel like I could do the same.
If we would've met each other when we were younger, it would have never worked.
We've both grown as individuals and met at the perfect time and I believe life is like that.
When Benny looks at me, and I don't think he sees anything but who I am.
And that's very rare to find.
But when you do know it feels right.
You talk about being best friends so much. Was it scary thinking, what are we going to lose if this gets romantic?
The number one health and wellness podcast. Jay Shetty.
Jay Shetty. The one, the only, Jay Shetty.
Oh, my gosh. I'm so happy to be here.
You know, I love you both.
I know. We love you.
It's such a fun, like, coming together when this...
When you guys called me and said, you wanted to do this, I was just like, how special is it that we first met now 7 years ago, and then, because of you, I got to meet this amazing man, and I feel like we've kicked off a bromance, and...
It makes me happy. Yeah, and because of you, I just feel like we've been spending so much time together.
And so, I'm so grateful to you both for trusting me and over the years and the fact that you've been on it now, we get both of you, it's like.
Thank you. It's so special.
Here it's a very safe, cozy place.
Benny and Selina. Hi!
Welcome back to On Purpose.
For the first time together, I am so grateful to you both.
It's been a joy getting to know you both over the last few years.
And I am so happy for you both.
Thank you. This is just so beautiful and special and because of you Selina, I got to know Benny so much more And Benny and I have been hanging out, we've been meditating, we've been eating.
I love that. We've been doing it too.
That makes me really happy.
But it's thanks to you, it's thanks to you for bringing us together.
And I was just saying as a man, it's so hard to make male friendships as you get older.
Mm -hmm. I really, is that so?
Yeah, I think so. Well, it's just like when you're an adult, it's like, I have my people and that's like, what, I have to let a new person in?
Like you barely have time for your people that you have. So you're like, wait, in order to get a new person, and I have to like, move another person down the list to slot a new person in.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Because there's not, you start to get to an age, it's like, Larry David always says this.
He says, I have friends that I'm not even friends with.
I've just been friends with them for so long, I can't let them go because they're already built in.
It's like a therapist. They already know everything.
You can't teach a new person.
No, it's hilarious.
Same that disagrees.
That's not necessarily that I disagree.
I guess I just always thought that guys have this immediate like, what's up?
And then they're just like in a flow.
So I just, I don't know, I found that interesting.
Yeah, I feel like you get guarded as you get older a little bit.
Sometimes I wish I weren't as wise because when you...
I'm not wise at all, but I'm saying like, it's like when you listen to something, like for me for music.
I listened to things when I was like 18 and I was like, oh my God, I didn't know any of the rules, I wasn't thinking of anything, it all comes so easily because you're not confined to like this box that you've put yourself in over the years.
And then by the end, you're like, oh, you know, I'm 36, almost 37.
I'm like, oh, I can't do that.
And it's, it's like, there's, there is some sort of freedom to being really young, too.
There definitely is.
There definitely is, but I was, I was saying that watching both your love story.
And I know you were saying, Celina, two seconds ago, you're like, this is such a safe and cozy space to come to.
I'm hoping that today we get to know your love story on a deeper level and we get to access really what's in your hearts and minds, because I think there's so many interviews and so many things that kind of will touch on the surface level of stuff, but I hope we can go deeper.
So what I want to start with is I want to actually rewind.
And I want to rewind to a place where we don't retell the story, but we get to relive your story with you.
And I think there's a difference.
Because when we tell a story, it's like, this is what happened, but when we relive it, it's almost like going back to who we were when that happened.
So I want to go back to the first time you ever met.
And I want to hear about it.
Well, the funny thing is, is we actually, it was so long ago that we don't remember.
We know that her mother put us in a meeting together when, how old were you?
16. So she was 16. Wow, I didn't realize it was that long ago.
And I'm like four or five years older than you.
So I was probably 20, 21.
And her mom was trying to gather into music and her mom is amazing, the way she goes from room to room, get things to happen.
She was a power -up.
Gets things to happen, and somehow she got us a meeting together, and we don't remember that.
And after we had done songs together, there was one time where, it was probably 2016 or 17 or something.
I remember when you were in a studio, like Interscope Studios, and I remember, she doesn't remember it, But I remember I came in and I had this talk with you, and I remember being like, ''Wow, seems really like a complex person, like in a good way.'' I was like, ''Wow, she's so deep.'' We had this conversation where I was just really left by being like, ''Oh, she's deep.'' Then we went and thought nothing more of it.
Then when we did our song together, or I remember leaving, not feeling romantic at all, I just remember leaving and I was talking, because when you're a pop star like she is and you're a huge entity and you've done so many things in your life, people set up all these walls before.
So it's before I came in, they're like, well, this thing's like this and this is like this and she might not want to do this.
And like they speak for people so much. And then I remember, me and the director were so nervous and then the first second, you like disarmed everybody.
And I remember walking back and Jake was like, he's like, this guy who directing with me is like, this is gonna be so easy, they made it seem like she was, this is gonna be this crazy thing.
And the warmth I felt from her in that moment, I remember leaving being like, wow Selena's such a cool girl.
And Selena you don't remember this at all.
No, no, she remembers the obvious.
I remember the video part, but it was interesting because yes, I don't have a very good memory, but I just remember the video shoot.
I didn't see anything romantic, or really felt that, but I had a really good time.
It was probably the first time after years of doing music together and not together, that was the first time I really got to hang out with him.
It was fun, I had a good time, and that was that.
Then how it continued was I was always cautious because I always wanted to make sure that I did protect myself.
To be honest, I didn't talk to him very often.
I thought she hated it.
Really? I really did.
I knew that was coming.
I really did. I thought I would see her and I would be like, does she not like me?
We weren't thinking about anything.
I was like, wow, she really didn't talk to me a lot.
And I was like, I thought it was being nice.
And like my friends would be like, no, no. And then there was another time I remember and my friends were like, oh yeah, she was kinda weird to you.
And I was like. I'm so sorry.
And there was like a few times and I didn't know and I was just like, you know, I was like, that's okay.
I thought I was being polite by not.
She didn't really engage.
Basically we, I was working on some music and we went through some of the demos that we had and Singles soon came up, which is ironic because it was actually nowhere near where I was in my personal life.
But Benny happened to do the song.
No, I didn't even do the song.
It was like one of my guys who did the song.
Oh, and you came to fix it.
Yeah, and I came to help out because I was like, oh, I want their song to— I was like, I don't like the way this— Let me just at least help them.
I said, I was like, well, I'm not sure if it'll be okay because I don't know if Celine likes me or something.
And then, John Janik, the, you know, the president of Interscope, he was like, well, why don't you just go into the session?
She usually doesn't have people in, but just go in and like, if there is something that you feel is weird, like, try to just smooth it over and talk to her and get in.
And I said, okay, I'm gonna go smooth it over.
So, I went in, it was so funny right before I came, her engineer told me like later that she was like, Benny's coming?
And she was like...
And here's my reasoning, I'm going to defend myself.
I get very nervous around the producers watching me sing.
Of course. It's just a very intimate thing for me.
I feel like I need to sound a certain way or do whatever to make them happy.
And when I get to record it, just me and my engineer and maybe someone I trust, I get more out of the experience.
So I just was thinking, okay, well maybe he'll stay for 10 minutes and we'll just talk for a second, and 10 minutes turned into like 30.
Then he went to the other room and I finished recording and he stayed there and then, yeah, this is too long.
No, no, no, no. Okay, so from my perspective, here's what happened.
I get in there, and I'm like, I gotta smooth this.
I love this back and forth.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, I don't have this with anyone.
I was like, I want us to be chill.
And obviously 99 % of it was in my head.
And I come in, we just started talking about life and her A &R is there, one of my friends is there.
We're just, we're talking about life and we start talking about dating and I was like, yeah, I went out on this date, blah, blah, blah.
And then I was talking to her and I said, oh my God, I have so many good single guy friends.
I was like, we have dinners at the house all the time.
You should come over sometime.
And I wasn't even thinking about anything.
and we're talking about our ideal date and this and that.
And I wanted to make sure she did the line right.
So I was like, oh, I'll stay there to make sure it's good after.
So I did, we left and then, I didn't have her cell phone number because she changed her number a bunch. So I asked someone I said, hey give me your cell phone number I wanna say thing.
And I was like, oh my God, you were, And during that, when I was with her, I was like, oh my God, she's really cool.
I was like, I want her to be in our friend group.
And I couldn't even be thinking, I want her to be in our friend group and I want to make sure this thing smoothed out so the song figures out, goes well and everything.
So I said, let me just text her thank you or whatever.
And I was like, you were so sweet or something, something like that.
And then she writes back, I guess we're texting throughout the day And she told me, she looked back at our message.
She said, somehow you started sending like, selfies where you looked really bad on purpose, like the worst ones in your phone.
You started to do this.
Yes, which, by the way, no girl should really, or anyone in their right mind to someone they would have a crush on do that.
But we were talking about ugly photos, like, cause I always say I take the worst photo sometimes.
And he's like, oh, you said something.
and I sent him the worst pictures of me, in bed sick, and then me at weird photo shoots, and now looking back on it, I'm just thinking, these are so weird, I don't know why I sent it.
Did you like me in that moment, or not yet?
Yeah. Oh you did, okay.
That's what I was trying to figure out.
I had no idea, so I had no idea, and somehow we decide.
So wait, why did you do that if you liked Benny?
Why were you sending?
well because I didn't know that it was going to be like maybe I thought it was just going to be flirting and not really anything else but I really started to to just I don't know fall for it so I didn't know any of this and then we decide we're like we're I forget how it happens but we're like yeah let's hang out and I was like oh my friend's having a birthday party tomorrow I was like you just come along." And I was like just thinking friend stuff.
And then so she comes to mine and I guess she thought the party was going to be at my house, but I was like, oh, in my head, I was like, oh, she'll just come over and we can just like grab a drink first and then go there.
Like I'd like not thinking anything of it.
I was like, we'll just like grab a drink at my friend's wine bar it's on the way and then we'll go there.
You were there and we were sitting together and she said something like, well, you know, because it's a date I wore blah, blah.
and I was like. No, I said, if this was a date, I definitely would have dressed like a nicer.
And he just kinda looked at me and I thought we were on a date.
And I was like, we're on a date?
And then we went, and then we didn't really talk about - So wait, you thought, who thought it was a date?
She thought it was.
She thought it was a date.
I'm sorry, a nice man takes me out for a drink.
I'm assuming it's a date.
I didn't know. No one had asked each other out yet.
No, it was like, let's just hang out.
And then we go to my friends, we go to this Thai restaurant, we go to Jit Lada and we're like hanging out and there's a bunch of people there.
And then she all of a sudden like leaves and she was like, I gotta go to, I have a video shoot really early in the morning and I was like, okay.
And I was like, but I wasn't like, because it wasn't a date to me or anything.
So I was like, okay, cool.
And I stayed with my friends and stuff.
And then she texted me after and I remember you being like, that was like one of the most fun times I've had in a really long time.
Salinas you technically asked Penny out on the first official date.
She did. She did like areas walk us walk us through that confidence that that energy that's the scary part I think that's when I recognized that I had some sort of feelings for him walking to his house Um, or into his home to go to his friend's thing I was very nervous And i'm not normally like that unless it's like an event or something where it can be overwhelming.
Oh, with anyone I talked to I'm able to talk to people and I feel like I'm good at it.
But I just felt like all these feelings and then when we went out I was laughing and I didn't feel like he wanted anything or there was weird motives.
It's sad that people have to think that way but I don't know, I felt this immediate safety and I was very pleased that, I don't know, we were friends and then I became, you know.
The next time we hung out, it was, we just hung out at home and we just like, we're chilling and we were playing that game.
We're not strangers.
We're not really strangers.
Oh yeah, yeah, it's a great game.
And my friend made that game.
Oh, wow. And we were just playing it and we had both played it and I was like, OK, sure, we can play it.
And we played it and there was like a card that said like take a selfie together.
And we like took it so she's like screwed up.
We took a selfie and then right after the selfie we just kissed and then and then she's very private.
And then and then basically the rest was history and we started hanging out so much and it just like very quickly.
I was like, oh my God, my whole life I was like, oh, this is my person, I'm gonna marry this person, this is the thing, this is what it feels like.
It was so different than any of those feelings.
I was like, holy shit, I just, I met my best friend.
This is my best friend, nothing gets any better than this.
It can't get better.
There's no, this is like better than any friend I have that's a guy and I get to kiss them.
It was insane to me.
So I was like, I can't let this go.
Yeah. It was so funny, because before I met her, with my therapist, I'd made a list saying, these are all the things I want.
Tell me the list. Do you wanna know it?
Yeah, I wanna know the list. Okay, okay, so before I met her, I was a guy in L .A.
trying to find the one for me and was having some trouble and I think I was like maybe not looking at all the right places.
I was like okay it's time to be a grown -up.
I want to start a life.
I want to have a family.
I want to find a person that is my other half that makes me feel better and I make them feel better.
It's a give and take.
It's the perfect ying and yang.
So I wrote down a list and the The first thing on my list was age -appropriate, okay?
I love that. And it was 30 plus, okay?
So that was number one on my list. Not number one, but it was the first thing I wrote.
And then the second thing I wrote was I said, I know these are so simple, but it's so hard to come by.
Somebody who's kind, compassionate and caring.
I was like, that's really three in one.
But that was my, but I was like, I need someone who's like nice and is like a genuine nice person.
You said something really important.
The reason I'm bringing it up is because I feel a lot of women, but a lot of people feel this way.
And you said when you first were meeting and recording together, there was a sense of you were protecting yourself.
And I think that's a very human thing.
And I think it's a very normal thing, especially in this day and age, especially in your position to add to it.
What was it that, you know, at one point you said, I'm going to adopt at 35 if I don't find someone, like you had your whole life mapped out when you met Benny, and you said you were protecting yourself, but then you started to open up, could you walk us through what gave you confidence to open up, but what that feels like when you're trying to protect yourself?
Because I think that's the push and pull that everyone's going through.
Well, I think first of all, making plans and trying to stick to them is silly, because you don't know what's going to happen.
And I can't believe that I get to marry my best friend.
And so, but yes, I think for me, I was genuinely set, but it was once I let go of me just saying I want someone and I wish I had this and I wish I had that, instead I changed my mind to I'm so lucky that I get to wake up and my family's healthy and I love spending time with my friends.
And you know what, if it doesn't happen, I know that I've always wanted to be a mom and you know, so of course I kind of planned that out.
I think it was because when Bennie looks at me I don't think he sees anything but who I am and that's very rare to find.
He knows when I'm feeling a certain way and kind of before I can even let it get to a place where it's unbearable, he has already talked to me through a spiral and protecting myself on multiple reasons, doing music working with someone that's kind of like, oh, I don't know if I should do that.
But I genuinely just happened.
I think when you know...
And oh, So that's what happened to me.
And I just felt very comfortable with him.
Tony, how do you feel that you almost sabotaged your relationship by nearly introducing Selena to your friends?
How does that feel?
Like when you're like, hey, wait a minute, come and meet my friends.
There might be some nice guys for you, to me.
I feel like it all happens for a reason.
I feel like maybe me doing that is what disarmed her enough to like, you know, it's, we talked about this before.
Like if we would have met each other when we were younger, it would have never worked.
it's like we've both grown as individuals and met at the perfect time and I believe life is like that.
And sometimes it doesn't make sense and sometimes it's not the right reasons and we're like, why is this happening?
But I always believe that, I don't know, I believe in fate, I believe in all that.
And I believe if you're good to people carmically, it's going to come back to 10 times over.
Maybe you might get fucked in that moment and someone's gonna do you really dirty, but over a long period of time I think things are gonna go your way.
Was it scary, because you talk about being best friends so much, was it scary thinking what are we gonna lose if this gets romantic as friends?
No, no. I did, right away.
It happened quick enough.
Yeah, this was all one day.
That was one day. Like everything really happened within - And then look, once we knew that we liked each there's that part where like, you know, we're both extremely busy people.
So it's like, it takes a second to where you fully prioritize, you know, because it's like at first you date someone, you say, okay, I'll see you this time once a week.
And then it's like, Ooh, okay.
This person's getting cool.
We'll go twice a week.
And that's like, wait, don't leave my house.
I miss you. Like it all happened so quickly.
One thing that you both did was you had a long distance relationship for a while.
Like you were in different states and managing that.
that you both have crazy work schedules.
And I was thinking, in your positions, it can get very easy to be like, all that person's never available, they canceled again, like, well, they've got a million things, they're running away.
I mean, you were just about to say you both are starting to travel together right now for work as well, but how did you manage that?
Cause I think a lot of our viewers are like, do long distance relationships work and do two busy people relationships work?
How would you both say you've managed both of those parts?
The biggest thing in the world is trust. I can say with all my heart that I trust this person.
So, for me, knowing that I have a 12 to 14 hour day on set, I won't get to talk to him every second, which I don't need, but I know just hearing from him one time check in with me and say I love you and I hope the day is going I just feel safe and I've never felt that before.
And if you feel like you're in a situation that doesn't feel like you're a unit, that makes it scarier and then that causes friction and it causes trust issues.
So for me, I would have to say communication and trust helps but it doesn't always work.
It's hard. I feel like at the beginning there were a few Elmer almost sabotages, she was like...
At the very beginning in like her first few trips away, she was still gaining that trust, so there was there were moments.
Of some seer doh. No yeah, yeah, we all.
Yeah that's normal.
We all have moments in our life because like, we're only made up, I tell everyone this, it's like, when you start dating someone, you're not only dating them, You're dating every single person they've ever dated, every single relationship they've ever had in their past. Because you're getting every piece of baggage that that person's carried in that what they've learned through their own personal life, through the life with partners, with their parents, with this, that, and I had to find a way to build that trust with her.
Not make it feel overbearing and make it feel real and make her actually believe it and vice versa.
Like I know that she fully...
if I say, hey I'm just going to do this today, there's nowhere in her mind that's thinking that.
And if for any chance that she, I always told her I said it's okay if you have moments of doubt and something in a feeling, always talk to me and I'll talk you through anything that you may have, you know, if you say hey I know this is a crazy thing I just had a dream and I woke up from this dream and I was upset, sometimes she'll just say like please tell tell me I can trust you or please tell me you're not doing anything stupid." And I say, you can call me any time you want.
And I'm aware of her strengths and I'm aware of her weaknesses.
And what I try to do is surround her with a lot of things to help her.
So if she's away and I have to go to a dinner, then a party, then this thing, then that thing, it's a simple text in between each thing that says, Hey babe, I'm going to this next thing and I'm thinking about you.
Hey, you know where couples, where it starts to hit is when they miss that text.
They don't call the person.
They wait until the next.
It's just like I know what she needs to succeed.
So I'm going to help her succeed.
I'm not going to be a dick.
I'm not not going to hit her up.
And she doesn't need a lot.
She's like the easiest person in the world.
But I know, yeah, she wants to talk to me before she goes to bed.
She wants me to say, I love you.
She wants me to text her, if I wind up having to stay somewhere two hours late.
Just a simple, take out your phone and bah bah bah bah bah.
Done. And I know that...
No, I know that stuff really helps.
Especially when you're long distance.
Because it's natural.
You're far away from someone.
You say, I'm not with this person.
I'm not as connected to them.
We're not meant to be.
You're not supposed to be long distance with your partner.
So it should be right next to your partner.
Like, it's like, we do things in life that we have to do.
And we both are very focused on our careers and we're very driven and you have to find a way to make it work that's comfortable.
You have to talk to your partner.
You have to understand them.
I think people's biggest problems, especially men, are that we don't listen all the time.
You got to listen, just shut the and listen.
listen to what they're saying, a woman is going to tell you exactly what she needs.
When guys are like, I don't know what she wants, I don't know what, she told you already.
You're just an idiot, you're not listening.
Just listen, if a girl is getting frustrated with you on something, she's definitely told you multiple times and you're just not paying attention.
So it's like, just listen and don't be reactionary.
Proactively do these things.
I don't know if you do the same thing, but when you're away from your partner, you just try to think of little things that's going to make them feel more comfortable, I'm on the other hand, I'm living on the moon.
So, it's like she doesn't have to do anything for me.
Cause I'm like, I'm all in on everything with her and I fully trust her in every capacity and my whole life I've always been like this.
I trust everyone until they give me a reason not to, okay.
And I trust people to be who they are, okay.
and so far, I know who she is, so until further notice, that's how I'm gonna treat her.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, I totally get that.
Yeah. That's my thoughts on that.
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I remember there was a time, we didn't want this to be like a public thing Because unfortunately for Selena her life is always under the spotlight being scrutinized at every moment and this and that and for good for bad.
I remember sitting with her and we'd been seeing each other secretly for months and months and months and we were about to go to New York.
We just made a conscious effort that we were like, we don't want to do the same or we want I wanna be able to go out and have fun and just live our lives, and at that point, I knew that it was serious enough to dive in, like that I was like, okay, I don't care what comes with this because I love this person so much already that we literally said I love you on that trip.
She had already said I love you to me a few times.
Okay, wait, so the album, I Said I Love You First. Yeah.
Yes. So Selena, you said, I love you first. Yes, she said it before.
What made you want to say that because that's a big step?
I definitely have never been the first. So this is the first time in your life you were the first?
Yes. Wow. I wanted him to also know how committed I was.
And deep down, I just felt that.
And I was tired of protecting myself.
we had spent enough time together where I felt like this was my person and I had the courage enough to say it, but I was very nervous and luckily, he said it back.
Did you say it back the first time?
Well, there's a - Oh, okay.
Well, there's been some slip -ups.
Okay. Well, she has a plate in her hand because she had like an accident.
And she was like coming up from, I think that was - Oh, he was talking about a metal plane.
Yeah, she had surgery or something, she was coming out of anesthesia and she was like sitting there and she was like, I love you.
And then I was like, what?
And she was like, I love you.
I don't remember. I didn't say anything back yet because I was like, I can't have this be the first time.
And then one time she was with her friends and they were at dinner and she was like, oh, we really wish you were here, we love you, and then just hung up.
Like it literally was like, and then she started wanting to really say it and she was like, it was right when I was going to do it.
It was the same night and I was like, hey, let me get my stuff out.
And he literally said that and then I just said, I love you.
And I was like, please, just let me, because it was like, I had felt it and I was about to do it, and I was like I want to wait till New York, so it's special being in my house, like it'll be a good thing.
And then the day I was doing it, she was like, couldn't take it anymore and she said it.
And then we said it, and the thing that's crazy is, before you say I love you, it's like this thing.
It's like, taboo, you're scared to say it.
And then after, you're like, oh my God, I can't, like, you wanna say it a thousand times in a row you never want, I can't even understand how I went so long without saying it to her, I say it 3 ,000 times a day to her and like, I make sure everyday I say, I love you so much, like, I love you a million times and then I always tell her how beautiful she is and how lucky I am to have her everyday, you know, and I - That's so annoying, like you.
No, and I always wanna do that because I want her to know that every day I don't take any of anything for granted and I still look at her and my breath gets taken away in so many different ways and I said it to her last night we were sitting we were in like the pool or something together last night and we were just hanging out and I was just like you're so beautiful and I don't mean that just physically I'm saying like you can feel it there's like a ring like an aura around her that exudes just like of warmth in it and it just - It's like making me want to cry.
And I - How do you react in the moment when that happens, Selina?
Cause Benny, we're basically the same person.
I do the same thing to my wife.
I do it to Radhi all the time.
Like we're so lucky.
Radhi will just pull the funniest face in the world.
She does the same thing.
I was like, how do you react when Benny's telling you all these amazing things, Selina?
Because I say, no, let's be honest. I also am equally grateful and I tell him that all the time.
And I just, it makes me feel like it's not real.
And I'll, like sometimes I'll be like, this seems too good to be true, like he's so sweet to me, but now I've accepted it.
I think I actually love it so much that it just makes me want to give him that support and that love back.
So it's safe to say, I feel much safer doing that now.
And I like it. I think so many people feel that when someone's that nice, and coming from someone who is like that myself with friends, family and obviously my wife too, a lot of the time that's seen as a weakness.
People kind of look down on it when someone's that open about their feelings, especially I get asked that a lot when I'm giving relationship or dating advice.
People will be like, oh no, but if I come on too strong, people get turned off.
What this time was different for you?
where it's like he's being really affectionate.
He's being really open, but there's a part of you that realizes that's what you want and that's what you deserve.
Because the world has become so hard to please, if you will.
I'm called fake, I'm called, it's insincere, it's fake.
All of this, like, it just doesn't feel safe.
and I don't like being myself sometimes.
That's a bigger problem than just talking about it in a relationship because it makes you feel like you have to question the way you're acting.
And I genuinely, yeah, I have really bad days and sometimes I don't have the energy to do what I'm doing but I try 99 % of the time to be kind and to just be happy and grateful for what I have. And that just almost isn't cool anymore.
And I hope that that conversation can kind of start eventually because it's not...it's not good.
I want to always be that person that I was, but it gets harder and harder.
What I felt for Benny, it was...
everything about him was honest. It wasn't just that he was honest with me.
and he was honest about where he was at in life and he'll tell me anything that he's feeling and it made me feel like I could do the same, but he's the one person, and you're saying those nice things to me, babe, it's so sweet, but I believe him to where, I'm not gonna believe someone who is blowing smoke up my butt to just make me feel good, he's saying it because he means it and I believe it.
Yeah, that's beautiful.
That honesty that someone has in every area of their life, including their bad days, their tough days, their challenging days, then when they're saying that, whether their day is good or bad and they feel that way, it resonates with us.
I think we all sense that.
I love what you said.
I think it's so important that we make it cool again to care for people and be cared for.
And we make it cool again to love people and feel loved and we make it cool again for people to be kind and to receive kindness.
I feel like it's like a macho thing like guys.
Yeah, guys are always trying it's like Stop trying to be cool Like it's like guys try to be so cool and like they don't want I think it's cool to show your emotions I think it's cool to tell you the person like I call my mom and up and I tell her how beautiful she is too like and I Think it's cool to make people feel good I think it's cool to like you know I just feel like people like are trying to push people down a lot sometimes like to make themselves feel better but you look so much cooler and so much better if you're making other people feel.
That's not even that you would look more.
You'd feel like a better person.
That's what I'm saying, though, but it's like I don't understand why people like chose not to do that and it's like.
Yeah, it's something I'm very passionate about, something that I do want to start talking about more.
I wanna be a good example, I'm not the perfect person.
Lord knows, I've made tons of mistakes and will continue to.
But I think it's important that we talk about that.
Yeah, I'm really glad you both raised it, because I think so many of us are actually accepting less than we deserve, because we want what's cool, not what we deserve.
Yeah. Like me explaining to you right now, I want to change my whole approach to anything because is one thing that I did.
Like that's sad, I don't want to have to change who I am.
Like, that was hurtful for sure.
I don't ever want to do it.
I don't do any of that.
Like when some people, I don't care what's going on.
No he's great at that, which helps me not care as well.
Like what do you mean?
I don't care about what anyone said.
I don't care about comments.
I don't care about press.
I don't care about any of it.
I don't care about what anyone says.
And I love that. Yeah, I just try to live.
Have you always been that way?
What made you that confident?
because I think a lot of people need to hear that.
Because it's like this, okay, why are you reading the comments, okay?
There's two reasons.
You're either reading the comment because you want people to be like, oh my god, I love you.
I love you more. Or you want someone to say, you piece of shit, you're ugly, you look like shit, you know what I'm saying?
And you don't need either one of those answers.
I'd rather just freefall through life and I don't need to know any of that stuff.
And I've never even read an interview back ever that I've ever done.
I don't look at the pictures.
I ask my manager, I say, hey did I say something stupid in the interview?
And if he says yes, I say, what did I say that was stupid?
Or I say, okay great.
If it's something like, I don't wanna know.
There's always gonna be someone trying to bring you down.
Hating is free. So people are gonna be hating all over the world.
They're gonna be hating from their bedroom, they're gonna be...
And I just don't even understand it.
I've never even thought in my mind to like go on someone's page, be like, Jay, that shirt's ugly.
Why'd you wear that?
Those stripes look like shit, Jay.
No, I never even thought about that.
Like, if anything, I write like, oh my God, I love this show, Jay.
Like, I just don't think, we live in this weird world where people seek validation in so many different ways.
And I don't think, and I know it's hard, I know it's hard and people want it and you wanna read the comments.
You want to look at it, but I just don't think I'm going to gain anything from it.
In that time I could be looking at those comments, I could be hanging out with my friends, or going on a walk, or eating something delicious, or on the phone with you.
It's much healthier.
Yeah, I think you have that too, and it's why you've been so successful in music, Beni, yourself, because I think you can create original sound because it's not trying to be like someone else or impress someone else.
It's partly why you're so good at your craft, because to make great music, to invent new sounds, to create new genres, to create spaces for artists to play in, it requires that confidence in, I'm not trying to sound like this, I'm not trying to be like this, I'm not trying to impress.
So it's really interesting too, because I feel like when you're growing up your whole life, you're told to fit in, and then when you grow up, you have to stand out.
But then when you stand out, then everyone has a chance to point fingers, because when you're doing something differently, that's the only time people point fingers.
If you kind of follow what everyone else is doing, from normal level point fingers.
Do you read the comments?
No, I'm the same as you, but I got really good advice early on as well.
I remember someone saying to me, they said, Jay, you get, if you get a hundred comments, you're gonna look through all of them to find the one that's negative, right?
Yeah, that's where you go to, your house.
And then you make it out like that one negative comment is the entire comment section.
And so if someone said, Jay those stripes are ugly, I'm not walking around my whole life thinking the stripes are ugly.
And let's get honest, that goes even deeper if someone says something about you when you were saying, like, someone called you fake or someone called you abuse.
Well, I was basically also gonna point out that women have it much worse.
Of course. Please tell us about it from your perspective.
I think that from my perspective, it's pretty wild.
And I think this isn't news to anybody that obviously women have a lot more intense feelings from their appearance to what they are wearing to everything.
And I'm saying this to me when I get prepared for an event.
Ninety percent of the time, I just hope I can take the picture and sit down.
It's the character that gets judged.
It's the way I'm not white enough, I'm not Mexican enough, I don't know.
there's just this so many different things that come up in my face that I can't help but see.
But I fall victim to looking at that things and it really doesn't add to your life but it's just so difficult from the choices of the people you date.
It's like, nobody cares about those kind of things with men.
They're just like, yeah, they did that.
They said that, they did this.
And so I think we just carry a lot.
Oh yeah, my weight's a big one too.
Everyone just has something to say and it's really making me sad and not even sad because you know what?
No, I'm not a victim everyone.
I just think it's made me a tad bitter.
And I feel really guilty for saying that.
But it's true. I don't know.
It's a really interesting time isn't it?
Because, and I'm so happy that you both are talking about this because I feel like on one end We're all like body positivity.
Let's talk about mental health.
Let's protect each other.
There's this whole conversation.
And then on the other side, we're like pointing fingers at people about their weight and their appearance and whatever else it is, like you said, judgments of character, especially you're saying with women.
And I find that so interesting because I'm like, wait a minute, don't we realize that the same people we're saying mental health matters are the same people that are pointing fingers at people that can affect people's mental health.
I'm just happier that I don't have that.
I had to stop after a while, and I still take breaks completely because I'm human.
So of course sometimes I read things but I do most of the time ignore most of everything.
I don't have anything on my phone at the moment.
So there are ways to combat it.
I'm doing it. I'm not in like, I'm not in like I hate it.
I understand the power of what social media is.
It's just tricky. It is very tricky.
But thank you guys.
Thank you for opening up about it.
Because I can imagine it just gets exhausting after a while.
It's just tired of it, you know.
Yeah. Because it's all the same and you're processing all the same stuff, but what about you, Selena?
What's been the way that you've been able to manage your crazy work schedule, staying committed to the relationship, finding time to make memories, and make space?
I think, you know, I will say it's very hard for me.
And like Benny said in the beginning, it was very difficult for me to take trips away.
It just makes me feel—once I understood and got to know him, and I wasn't afraid to tell him like, hey, I just want to make sure like, it's not that I don't trust you.
Can you just text me before you, go to your next thing.
And I was able to do that with him.
And he wasn't combative.
He wasn't like, why?
Why, you don't trust me.
It was just more like, yeah, I could totally do that.
And with that day by day, I feel more and more open.
And we're going to be separated again while I go shoot in New York.
And yeah, I'm ready for it.
I think it's doable, but it's not fun.
Exactly. It's not fun, but it sounds like you found a system that works for you.
And the system is so simple.
It's literally just listening to the other person.
If the other person says, hey, I need this.
It's not now like a debate around whether they don't trust you.
Because I think a lot of us, if someone said that to you, Benny, like it would be easy for your reaction to to be like, well, how can you not trust me?
You always know where I am.
Why do I have to do this every day?
You could have that reaction, but that reaction doesn't make the relationship better.
And I think that's where often that goes, where someone vulnerable says, hey, all I need is this.
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If someone's coming at you with a certain energy, you're already gonna buck back.
like she always comes in a way where she's like, well I didn't like this because of this, this and this.
I'm like, she just said it's so nice that I have to, I'm like no, cause I'm like, shit I have to approach this in a different way because she came at it with such class and effort so like I'm not gonna come back at her like that.
I'm gonna come back at her and say, well I agree with what you're saying.
Or you know I disagree and here's why, you know?
And that's how we talk through everything.
And then another thing was I really wanted a person that when I wake up, I think to myself, I'm like, how can I make Selena's day better?
Like what can I do in my day to make her day better because then that makes my day better.
And I wanted to find a person like that.
And I know when Selena wakes up, like the first thing she's thinking is like, how can I make his day better?
And we have such a give and take, like I could never even see a world where I would ever yell at her.
She would ever yell at me, Like we don't argue like that.
Like I feel like we just have conversations.
Like there's never an argument.
Sometimes she'll say, this is so funny.
No, boy. No, no, no. She'll do this and it's really cool.
She'll go... I'm feeling a little irritated and I think I need like 25 minutes, and I'll say okay.
And then I give her her space, and then after like five minutes she texts me and she's like, hey will you come back?
But it's knowing that And we have the proper boundaries set with each other.
Like I don't have to be on top of her every second, she doesn't have to be on top of me every second we're together.
I just want to know she's in the house so I could say like, hey, I love you and then go back to what I'm doing.
You know what I mean?
Because look, we're both highly independent people, okay?
But we're both little mushes who just need to be attached.
We are so cheesy, it's so fun.
yeah, but it's like but I feel like I think it helps us to that we're both, you know, on my list a thing was I wanted someone to be driven inspired by something, I didn't care if they made any money or anything, I just wanted someone to be so into something that they did every day and when she comes back from her day and she tells me what she did I'm like I'm not sitting there like yeah mm -hmm like when you're talking to your mom you know when you're talking to your and you just say, your mom just keeps talking and you go, yeah, uh -huh, yeah.
Like she comes back and my eyes light up because I see the enthusiasm, I see what she did, and I'm like, it inspires me, and I'm like, I gotta do more in this place.
And it's like we're in this place where we're inspiring each other and we're so inspired by what the other person's doing and she'll help me out.
She'll be like, well, what if you did it like this, this, and this, and I'm like, and then she'll say something and I'll be like, well, why don't you handle this situation, because we have such different personalities that are also the same, but the thing that one of us is really good at, the other one maybe lacks a little bit and vice versa.
And it's so cool to be able to, like, workshop, like, little conversations or how to handle a situation.
And I just feel so comfortable with her, like, that I can say anything and she won't ever say, I don't know.
I love the maturity.
I mean, hearing you both talk about it.
Yeah, but let's be clear, we are not the perfect.
No, no, no. It's not perfect, no. We're so silly.
But you're disagreeing.
No, no, no but I think the maturity of, and I agree with you, I think that's actually the difference and I'm glad you brought that up.
I think there's a big difference between maturity and perfection.
Perfection is saying we never have a disagreement, we never have to take space from each other.
Which you're not saying, you're saying, hey, I just asked for 25 Nth space.
And then I was like, wait a minute, I need you.
And I think there's a maturity in that Because it requires maturity from both parts.
For you to first say, hey, I need space.
For you to say, I get it, I respect you.
And then for you to have the maturity to say, actually I want you back.
And for you to be like, not like, oh, I told you so.
For you to be like, I'm here for you.
That's not perfection.
To me, that's maturity.
And I think that's, I really want people to get that from it.
That you are gonna have disagreements.
You are gonna want space.
Me and Radhi went through that.
She, at the beginning of our relationship, if we had a disagreement and we were the same, I mean, we made a rule that we would never raise our voices at each other because I came from a home where it was not great.
She comes from a home where her parents don't raise their voices, but I was just like, I never wanted that at my home.
I wanted the energy of my home to be so sacred.
And I wanted the energy of the home to always have a space where everyone just walked in and felt like a warm hug.
And I was like, we can't argue and then expect that to happen.
But it took a long time for us to realize that when she at the start of our disagreements, she wanted space, and I used to say to her, well, if you don't want to talk about it right now, that means you don't care about me.
And that wasn't true, she just needed space to process, so it took time for us to mature, for me to realize, wait a minute, you wanting space is you caring for the relationship.
Some people, I get it, they want to talk about it right then.
The one thing that also works for us so much is like, we're not chill people, but we're like, we're never gonna get, I'm not gonna yell at anyone in my life.
Yeah, and I came from a home where a lot of that was happening.
And I saw at a young age, and I was just like, well, my parents weren't speaking the same language.
Obviously, they were speaking the actual same language.
They weren't speaking the same language to each other to communicate.
And if someone comes at you hostile right away, the first thing I'm going to and I know she's gonna do is shut down.
So you're not getting anything, you know what?
I always say this, guys are so quick to like, they gotta win, they gotta win the argument.
And it's like, what are you doing?
What are you winning?
Like, you're gonna argue with your wife and like make her cry.
And then you're like, I won that argument.
And then she hates you and resents you.
Like, wait, like don't be an idiot.
And it's like I only - I've been guilty, though, to start.
Yeah, I don't know, I just - I'm not a few, sorry.
Yeah. I think for me, I necessarily felt like in other situations of mine.
I was very reactive.
I think that's why I was alone for five years because I really needed to collect myself.
I think in the past that's why I say to him all the time, and 10 years ago, it's not that I wouldn't have wanted to be with you.
I just wouldn't have been in the right head space, And I don't think that you deserve what I had gone through before.
So I've learned a lot of lessons and I've made mistakes and I just want this to be right.
So for me, that was a lesson that I had to learn because I think girls can equally want to be right.
That for me, it was really difficult in the past. And he's made it unbelievably easy to the point where if I even get to the point where I'm so frustrated.
He's like very quick to understand.
I hear you, like you're allowed to feel that and that helped me shift where my mind used to go, which was a little bit of anger.
So it was the validation of how you felt in those reactive moments Yes.
that allowed you to not be reactive.
What was it that allowed you?
Because I feel like, as Benny was saying earlier, you carry this baggage from all of our relationships Yeah.
into this one. I respect Benny, because he's done nothing but respect me, again, trust him.
I can tell him anything, even if it's about something that's uncomfortable and maybe you should just talk to your girlfriend, like he is that.
And that helps calm me down to say, okay, so I'm going through these things because of maybe what I had before, whatever it is, it's that nothing is ever bad.
Like, nothing in my life I regret and I'm so, so happy for my journey and I'll continue to be.
It is a lesson that you have to be patient and learn and I just, I can never picture myself disrespecting him, I think.
Well, it's also just a different thing because it's like, look, none of us are perfect.
Like, she gets spicy sometimes, and when I see something happening, It's about guiding the missile, not adding a jet pack on top of it with, like, machine gun artillery.
Like, I want to make...
If I see her get into a place where I'm like, man, in five minutes from now, this room could explode.
I'm never going to let it get to that five minutes from now.
I'm going to say, what are all the tools that I know that work for her, that I've learned over?
Like, I'm not going to exacerbate the situation.
I'm going to try to calm it down, because why do I want to be in that position where we're both just upset about something, I don't want to just comment down and tell her what she wants to hear.
I'm not saying that, I'm not saying to your partner, be like, yes, you're totally right.
Everything, no. I think you listen and you say, sometimes I'll say, let's not let it get there.
Let's just talk about this.
And I do think physical touch is always a very big way, like if you're in a conversation with your partner Like, it's like sometimes just like a hand helps or just holding their hand while you're telling them or giving them a hug while you're telling them.
And someone's upset, let them talk it out first. And then after they talk it out, be like, okay, well, here's what I think.
You know, and you can work through these things together.
There's such an easy way.
To reconstruct the...
It's not always easy, I can tell you that.
And sometimes we just, someone wants to be frustrated.
And it's like, sometimes she'll tell me that.
She'll just be like, I know it's gonna be okay, but like I just want to be frustrated in this moment.
And I'll have to redirect because I'll be like, you know what, you have every right to be in this moment.
And she'll say this is why, she said this is why I want to be frustrated in this moment.
She said it the other day about something, I can't even remember.
And I was just like, oh my God, I was like, yeah.
I was like, that makes so much sense.
I was like, I don't agree with the frustration, we'll get there afterwards.
And I was like, but I get it, I get it.
And it's so cool. And I've never quite had a relationship like with her.
And we're the furthest thing from perfect in the world.
We're perfect for each other.
We're not perfect for everyone else.
But I think the thing that's cool is that we've had all these experiences.
I've had all my experiences where it wasn't right, and I'm like, oh, okay, I'm gonna change that the next time with this person or with that person.
And I think that's when you really grow.
When you take all your experiences good or bad.
I'm like her, I take every experience in my life, my past partners, my family, my everything.
It's like everything happened for a reason.
And I'm not going to sit here and mope about things that could be better or different.
What I'm going to do is I'm going to say, okay, I learned this and now I'm going to put it into practice.
Yeah, for me, I always say to Ravi, I always say to my wife, do you want me to listen?
Do you want me to fix this or do you just want me to go through it with you.
They make it clear for me because— they don't want you to fix it right away, and I'm not saying I'm saying men or women.
Sometimes it's not about fixing.
You know, everyone is you know, I'm such a problem solver and you are too.
So it's like your first thing.
I know the first thing in your head is like, how can I fix this situation?
But sometimes it's not about fixing it right there.
Sometimes it's about just like, you know, especially for women who are like strong, like both are partners, they don't have a lot of time to be vulnerable in all the areas of their life.
They have the world on their backs.
Your wife has, there's so many people that rely on her.
There's so many people that rely on her.
So sometimes they just wanna complain about something and that's okay.
That's okay. That's okay.
It's okay, who else are they gonna do it to?
They might as well do it, and you just listen.
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plus it's totally designed for men's skin.
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The jewelry you wear is so personal.
It's like a little piece of your story you carry with you every day.
That's why I love Pandora.
Pandora – their designs feel so thoughtful, from charms that remind you of the moments that matter most to pieces you can have engraved with something truly meaningful.
My favourite pieces are the ones that feel like they're just made for me.
Whether it's a sparkling diamond, a vibrant pop of colour, or a charm that holds a memory, it's more than jewellery – it's a way to express who you are and celebrate your journey in the most beautiful way.
Shop Pandora today in store or online at pandora .net.
Everyday is a chance to be love.
Let Pandora jewellery remind you that love starts with you.
I have to ask you both about this because I was so excited when the news came out.
And it just you know it was it was so beautiful to see it go from where it started this for your proposal.
And now you're engaged and like that just I can tell I mean it just It feels just beautiful being in the same space with you, both loving on each other, which is great.
Selena, what was the proposal like?
We have a video of it, but I want to save that for us and just keep that private.
But basically, what I will share is that I thought we had a shoot that day, and I had hair and makeup and I was doing my regular day.
I get in the car and I'm thinking to myself, where are we going?
Because at this point, I feel like I know a lot of the studios that I go to and I just started getting a little frustrated.
I was like, this seems far, right?
You know, just me and my security and he's laughing because he's just like, oh, it's just, you know, I don't know.
It's a new space. I was like, okay.
We get out. I just, I walk in and all of the sudden I see no one's in the room and I just look at my assistant and she just shuts the door and I was like, I kind of walked on to the area that he had set up and I think you envision all the things that you would do and say when someone asks you but it is actually the craziest feeling.
It was really special.
He said the sweetest things, but I also was so shocked that it just felt unreal for a long time.
I don't know, I've always dreamt of that moment and he couldn't have made it more perfect.
But yeah, it was one of the best days of my life for sure.
I wasn't nervous until one second before.
I was so not nervous.
Because I was doing work until one second before I was approving Masters for an album that was coming out that night and then right when it happened, right when it was about to happen, I said, oh shit what the fuck am I going to say?
And I'm so good with words usually.
I can't remember anything.
If we didn't have a video of it I wouldn't have even remembered what I said.
I had known I was going to propose to her for so long and I never cared about marriage.
It wasn't a thing in my head.
She cared about it so much, so I said, well, now I care about it, cause she cares about it.
And I found myself not even thinking it was gonna be a big deal till I was there.
And then I said, Holy shit, you're married now.
And then the moments leading up to it, it's not really real until it's real.
I remember it was so special for me because it was special for her.
And then, it was, yeah, she said, The two times you said that were the best things in your life were that and then when they got you Whataburg.
Yeah. What's this? I want to know about this.
Whataburg is a restaurant chain that, I'm not sure where they are but they're not in California and they're not in New York, and I love this chain so much because there's a million in Texas, where I'm from, and I love The Biscuits, Texas Toast, and Gravy, it's so good.
And we don't have that.
And for Valentine's Day, he surprised me.
And this was it. This is all we really did.
I was on the phone and he comes in with Whataburger.
And I literally look at him like I'm freaking out.
And he had someone, apparently they opened up in Vegas.
And while we were talking someone drove, We both kept it warm and then...
No, didn't keep it warm.
I... Did you reheat it?
Yeah, what I did was I got all the parts to it and talked to the people there and figured out how I could reheat it the best way.
And I was reheating in all different ways, putting it together and then...
Yeah, I brought it to her.
Because, to me, someone like Sel could have anything in the world.
The best thing you could do...
And she said it right after, she said, right when I gave it to her, she said, I can't believe you listened and remembered.
my order and remembered all these things in such an easy way, and then you just did it.
She said, that's what makes this gift so special is that you actually, like, listened to the things, and it goes such a long way.
I did say that my two favorite moments are the proposal and the burger.
I was just thinking, I was just thinking.
So far at ease, done wonderful things.
That's brilliant. I was just thinking something so crazy.
Did you know? We were born within 10 minutes from each other, too.
Yeah. Really? She did?
Yeah. On the same day?
No, no, no. Place. Oh, right, right.
Cause she was born in Texas.
Yeah, I was born right near her.
Like, 10, 15 minutes away.
And you never met in Texas ever, then.
No. No. He can't claim - No, I don't claim Texas.
No, I was born in Texas, but I grew up in Virginia.
I claim Texas. She claims Texas.
Got it. Got it. Got it.
Do you remember your proposal?
Of course I remember my proposal.
Yeah, it was very, I would say I was definitely impacted by lots of social media trends, for sure.
In my first chapter of my second book, which is all about love, I talk about how I would redo my proposal because it was so...
Oh, you didn't like it.
Not that I didn't like it, it was perfect for the time, but it so wasn't us, like it could have been...
What was it, what was it?
So I'll tell you, it's embarrassing, but I'll tell it, I'll tell it.
So, we were walking down one of our favorite walking paths on the Bank of the Thames in London.
Yeah. and we're walking down.
I told Radhi that we were going to a dinner with my family and it was in a nice place, so she dressed up and everything.
And we come out, and then this random guy out of nowhere walks out with a bouquet of flowers, a massive one, he hands it to her.
Then I had an acapella group sing Bruno Mars, and it was really sweet.
They were great, they were very talented.
Then I got down on a one knee and then I asked her to marry me, and thankfully, I was crying the whole time.
Yeah, yeah. And thankfully she said yes.
But I tell that story to say it could have been anyone's proposal.
And I had food brought in from her favorite restaurant.
But by the time it got there it was cold and I didn't do what you did Benny, so I messed up.
And then when we walked around the corner, there was a white horse drawn carriage that took us around the city.
I'm dying. But then when we got, so then we were going back to her parents on the train to tell her parents what had happened and I told them I was proposing that night.
but we were going to hers and we got to her house and her parents opened the door.
And they looked at her and they were like, what did he do to you?
Because she had hives all over her face because I didn't know she was allergic to horses and she didn't know either.
And so, that was the night we figured out that she was allergic to horses.
So, that story reminded me that I did know her but I didn't.
That's actually the thought, this one car.
Yeah, I was trying.
I was trying really hard. No, it's so true.
We've been together for 12 years and married for nine.
So we're doing all right.
But I look back on it and I look at how much of my life was just impacted by the world of love.
And now knowing my wife as deeply as I do, I would do it completely differently.
So I'm trying to convince her to renew our vows and our 10 years of marriage and also cause our friends have changed, like we got married nearly 10 years ago now.
You move country, so much has changed.
And so I'm like the people I want to celebrate my.
Did you even have the podcast, then?
No, no, no, nothing.
No, no, no. How long did you have the podcasts?
Podcasts are six years old.
It wasn't Xi 'an, like your first ever episode?
She was my first episode, yeah.
My wife's my first episode, yeah.
That's so sweet. But yeah, I would do it again, and I think it's a great reminder of just how much we evolve and mature in relationships.
And now it's okay to look back and go, hey, like.
It's a great story.
It's a fun story. But yeah, no, I'm so happy to hear about how beautiful this proposal was.
You nailed it, Benny.
You're just, you know, you're the man.
I mean, it's, it's, it's beautiful to hear.
And, and I mean, last time we were together, Benny, you're talking about wedding planning.
How's that going? We have not even begun because I think for, right now there's just so much going on.
I have to go and shoot a series for a while.
And I don't know, we'll just see.
We're in any rush. And I'm excited to see what happens.
I'm just happy we should say yes.
I don't even care about the next time.
No, no, but like we're we're honestly we're so we've been doing so much that we haven't even gotten to really just like Basket so it's like I think we're looking forward to doing that in New York a little bit What does that look like for both of you?
Just you two spending time together?
Yeah, he's very good at like Organizing and planning and I'm very visual So I'm like, this is what I like and this and this and then he figures out how to it'll be whatever or she's already told me the types of things she likes and wants for a wedding.
It'll be fun. I love it.
You both obviously got back into the studio together, recorded an amazing album.
I got to listen to bits of it.
I love it. It was a, it was a interesting process, but I'll tell you about that offline, but I got to listen to it.
And what I loved was I was surprised.
I thought it was going to be about your relationship, but it sounded that it was about a history of your life, Selena.
And it felt like, a history of love.
But the interesting part is it actually has multiple different stories.
Some of the songs are actually about, you know, his past relationships.
So I think that it was really special because we were able to talk about those kind of emotions and feelings.
And not a lot of people maybe feel that comfortable doing that with a partner.
But I don't know we told each other all kinds of things like I would if I was in a session with someone I trusted And so yeah, you'd be surprised.
I mean of course it's not all about You know rainbows and sunshine but it's it's a real and I and I think these are all feelings people have felt before and that's what we really Wanted is people to connect to the music whether you know, you like it or not we're just stoked that we got to make an album that we're proud.
That's beautiful. I feel like the thing that's so cool about it is I've been fortunate enough to make a lot of songs in my day, and people come up to me all the time and they say, this song changed my life because I was going through the same thing.
Sometimes, it is what I wrote about.
Sometimes, they think the meaning is nothing of what I wrote about.
But that's the best part about music, that it hits you, it's like, music is one of the senses.
It's like, food, it's like, like, there's certain things, certain smells, certain songs, they bring you back to a time immediately.
Okay, like, you're immediately transported, and it's so cool that everybody can be listening to the same song and have a completely different relationship with it.
I feel like that's so cool.
What was it like going from working together that first time to this time?
Like, what was different?
but it was different as I never allowed him in the room.
I can kiss her now.
And I just, I like to record alone.
What's really different is I feel like we got to talk about stuff that she would never talk about as a artist if it wasn't with her partner being next to her, and honestly, I would take out, I would just write everything she said.
Sometimes she'd wake up from a dream, and she's like, I have this terrible dream, and this is what it was, and blah, blah, blah.
I write it down, then it becomes a song.
Wow. It was so cool being able to...
I don't know, it was like therapy.
Well, you were saying to me when we spoke on the phone, I think it was last week, you were saying that there was just, it was like a safe space to be so open.
You can say whatever the f*** you want.
There are certain things you wouldn't be able to say if you were...
If I was just, hey, babe, like, I just want to...
She'd be like, what?
But if somehow, like when I'm playing chords while we're saying it, it's like, oh, okay.
What a great story.
Yeah. You can just talk about things.
It's like a therapy session.
It's a safe place, and it was cool to learn things about her that I don't know if I would have learned ever or as soon as I did.
Did it bring you closer when making the album?
What was it like being together, but then making an album together and being together?
Absolutely. We were able to share things with each other.
He would listen to my doubts, notes and he would give me great notes and it was never criticizing, it was always coming from a really gentle place, and I do.
I think it absolutely has brought us closer.
But that's also time and spending it with him.
Yeah, also we got to spend so much more time together.
Yeah. Because like our work days got to blend a little.
Yeah. It's a great excuse to spend time together.
I'm always trying to find ways to work more with my wife.
I know. Then just trying to come up with new excuses.
I know that's all I want to do.
Yeah, that's how I would do it, too.
And you had some amazing collabs as well on the album.
Obviously, you've launched a song with Gracie, and Gracie's amazing.
Oh, my God. She was just such a doll, and so talented.
You've known her, so I shouldn't say that.
I said she was like 13, but I love her.
It sounds obvious, but sometimes we're so busy, we forget to just breathe, but the right music can help you return to the present.
Apple Music Chill is a sanctuary of sound, a continuous flow of soothing music and mindful moments to help you find your center.
Chill, listen now on Apple Music Radio.
No subscription necessary.
Okay I have two questions for the guys out there.
Do you want to have nice healthy skin?
And would you rather not spend a ton of time getting it?
So for the like 99 % of guys who said yes to both questions, Dove Men Plus Care Body and Face Scrub is the ultimate hack for effortless skincare.
And when I say hack I mean it.
It really makes getting better looking skin as simple as possible.
The new Dove Men Plus Care Scrub literally exfoliates, cleanses, and moisturizes in one step.
That's it. It's the definition of a hack.
And you can feel good about using it.
We're talking about natural essential oils.
It's vegan and parabens and sulfates -free.
Plus, it's totally designed for men's skin.
But the main thing is that it works and it's easy.
Your skin will look and feel better.
And in case you missed it before, you don't have to work hard to make it happen.
Yep, just hack your grooming routine and add the Dove Men Plus Care scrub into your shower.
The jewelry you wear is so personal.
It's like a little piece of your story you carry with you every day.
That's why I love Pandora.
Their designs feel so thoughtful from charms that remind you of the moments that matter most to pieces you can have engraved with something truly meaningful.
My favorite pieces are the ones that feel like they're just made for me.
Whether it's a sparkling diamond, a vibrant pop of color or a charm that holds a memory.
It's more than jewelry, it's a way to express who you are and celebrate your journey in the most beautiful way.
Shop Pandora today, in store or online at Pandora .net.
Every day is a chance to be love.
Let Pandora jewelry remind you that love starts with you.
Did you interview her yet?
No, no I haven't yet, yeah.
You've been a fan for a while.
I've known her since she was 14.
Wow. I put her on an album like five years ago.
To see where she's gone is so cool.
I'm always one who loves new talent, new artists, and she's just such a great point of view.
Her writing comes from such a good place and it's just like, I love people where it feels like they're like and Selena does it too, where it feels like they're just talking to you, and then you're like, wait, I'm listening to a song.
but like, what, what?
You know? Yeah, it's just, you know, making the album with her, I felt like it taught me, I was just like, we're really good at communicating with each other and saying, and setting boundaries and saying when we like something, when we don't like something.
Yeah, how do you do that when you're in a relationship?
And you're like, I actually don't like the sound of that.
Like that's just - For both of you, I think it comes down to ego and we both don't really have that.
So if we disagree on something, it's like, okay, I agree to disagree, like, that's fine.
But yeah, of course, if I say, I don't know if I like that, he most of the time doesn't even question it and just is really receptive to me.
Yeah, we just don't have an ego, so it doesn't matter.
He could say no, I don't like it and I'd be like, okay.
That's amazing. What are you hoping that, is there a song I know that you're really excited for fans to hear or anything specific?
I think I want people to hear the whole body of work and like, I don't really think about music like that.
I make it for myself and luckily people happen to like some of it.
We started this thing in our room and we recorded the whole album in the house.
That's so intimate.
Have you ever done that before?
Not like this time, no. It was like a blurred reality a little.
It was the most fun I ever had and I just wanted a piece of music to be able to, I don't know, one day, like show our kids and be like, look at this, like, look at this thing mommy and daddy made.
That's pretty amazing.
And it was like, and like, I can't believe it.
Like it's so cool to me.
Yeah. I don't care what happens with it.
I was just like, so excited to do this with the person I love and freeze a moment in time in a way that not a lot of people have the ability to do.
And like we had, we were lucky enough to do that.
Yeah, Selena, you mentioned earlier, always wanting to be a mum and then he just mentioned kids is that, are you both like big family, lots of kids kind of people.
Yeah, I mean, I don't know what will happen, obviously.
But I love children.
I mean, I have an 11 year old sister that I absolutely adore and I'm still doing wizards this far along because I love children, I love making them laugh, they're just so sweet so, absolutely when that day comes, because I'm so excited for her.
Yeah, it's funny. We'll be at like a gathering or a party.
And not many people know this, but like Selena's like the ultimate level of shy.
Like the ultimate, ultimate, ultimate level of shy.
Like couldn't - I don't know a lot of people, sometimes I get checked.
Couldn't be more of like an introvert shy.
Which is crazy, cause she's the biggest star in the world, and it's like - I'm not, I hate you, it's like - When she walks into a room - To him.
Her main goal is to like disappear into the crowd.
That's like her, her goal is to just like everyone.
It's my mom is very, her, my mom are very similar and they're, you know they're never going to, if there's a crowd of people, they're never going to like be like how like me or probably you would do.
But we're like, they're not gonna do that.
They're like wait and say like one thing throughout the night that winds up being like the most poignant or funny thing of the night.
For like, I'm going to have diarrhea, the mouth talking and everyone.
And whenever there's kids at a place, it's the only time I see her do that.
She immediately goes to the kids and like has these conversations for like hours with the kids, it's taking care with the kids.
And I think it's also...
I think it probably also has to do with like when you started doing this, you were a kid and that was your way to connect to people.
And I feel like you still feel like you have that obligation to connect with like young kids.
Because you made some...
You shaped so many young people's lives, Whether it was Barney, whether it was Wizards, and I feel like you're still finding your way to do that.
And it's so crazy just to see, because she's transcended into so many different categories.
It's so hard to call her like, a pop star, this, an actress, that, you don't know what to call her.
There's so much of a multi -hyphenate, yeah.
And you notice it sometimes when we see people, cause you'll see a little girl come up to her cry.
then you'll see her older sister that's like 20 so then you'll see the mother and then the grandmother so like it's like she's hitting all these boxes in people's lives and touching so many people and you know she's such a hermit that she doesn't even realize it all the time and you know I'm always reminding her of like what she's doing and how special it is and how she's always been so you know outspoken and will always say what's on her mind and And as always, you know, just, I just feel like she's, there's not a lot of people who are like, just absolutely authentically themselves.
And like, that's what draws me towards her more than anything else.
She's always going to tell you how she's feeling.
She's always going to be herself.
She's never going to try to be somebody else.
Well said. You know, I love that.
Oh, Benny and Celina, I'm so grateful what are you both for just opening your hearts being so - Oh, be with you.
Huh? I'll be with you.
Yeah, I can't believe you got her to say some of this stuff.
She never said that.
I'm very, very— She would never say any of this.
Is there anything you didn't say that you wanted to say, or I'm not sure?
No. No. I mean, I mean that in a genuine way.
I actually am thinking.
I'm just really grateful that people like you exist, because you bring so much joy to people and also understanding so many different ways of life and navigating that and I think you're a great example.
So I just would like to say thank you.
I trust you with that information and it's always a pleasure to be with you.
So thanks for having us.
No, you're both just so special.
You've always been, I've always said Selina for years Is that no matter, those moments where I could tell you were shy or wanting to disappear, but always being so gracious and kind to me and my wife, whenever we were together and making us feel comfortable, even if you felt uncomfortable.
And Benny, just the wonderful conversations we've had over the last couple of years, and I feel like we've done everything, we've talked about so many different things, and we are both kind of like that, back and forth, back and forth kind of people.
But you've both done the final five before on the show, So we wanted to do something different with you both.
We wanted to play a little couples game.
I'm gonna hand you these boards.
Oh, I know exactly what this is.
They're fun, fun questions, fun questions.
I'm not gonna take what you just told me and turn it around.
So we're gonna where, I'm gonna ask you questions.
You both have to write something down and then we will reveal.
So don't look at each other's answers.
And then question number one, if Benny would cook you anything in the world Selena, what would he choose to cook for you?
So both of you can write down.
So Benny, if you were going to cook anything for Selena, what would it be?
Like what do I think she wants the most?
Ooh cause there's a few.
It's like four or five things.
Oh I think I know what she thinks.
It's a hard question.
It's a hard question.
No I think I know it.
Should I write it down with three?
No, no. For anyone who doesn't know Benny is an insane connoisseur of food.
Very good. I think I know.
Okay. I don't think it's gonna be the same thing.
It's okay. I mean, don't you just...
That's okay. There's one.
Three, two, one. Corned up.
I did steak, I thought you were gonna say that.
That's actually what I wrote.
That's what you... Oh you did?
Yes, but I loved...
He makes this corn dip that I can just eat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
Well, that's a good thing that there's more than one thing.
There's a wow. That's a good thing!
Yeah, that's amazing.
I love it. Alright.
Selena, if you would cook anything for Benny, what would you choose to cook?
Okay. All right. Oh, my gosh.
What would I do? Oh, this is not what I think you're gonna say.
I think you're gonna say this.
Because I like... I got many.
You got it, Benny, already?
Yeah. I think so. Okay.
I don't know. Okay.
Do you write it down?
Three, two, one. OK, there we go.
Corn soup by corn fruit.
Very aligned. She said order a pizza.
You're doing good. This is great.
OK. This one's a bit more.
I'm intrigued to see what comes out of this.
It's not bad. Well, you know each other.
It's an interesting one.
If your partner could master any skill instantly, what would it be?
Selena's very confident.
Everyone who's listening and not watching it's like every time I ask a question her pen hits the board immediately.
All right, what do we have?
Three, two, one. Everything, it's annoying to be able to sleep through the night.
That's what you would want, that's what you would want.
Yeah. This is super power.
No, I thought it was saying .
. . If you could master a skill.
If like if . . . Master a skill, yes.
Yeah, like say yours.
he'll put on a video game, he will be well, he'll play basketball, he does well.
He'll do like, pro tools and then he'll do like all this stuff!
I feel like this is the skill she'd wanna master.
To be able to sleep through the night, that's a real one!
A lot of people are struggling.
She doesn't sleep well.
We've done a lot of episodes on sleep because that's a real challenge for a lot of people yeah, it's hard. Especially as we get older you wake up in the middle of the night and yeah, not fun.
Alright, okay. Okay.
What's your partner's hidden talent that no one knows about?
Okay. If I'm going to take this to Benny's level.
What's her hidden talent?
I don't even know if I spelled that right.
That's okay. There's no spell check.
What's her hidden talent?
I don't really have one.
I know. They're all too public.
Oh, I know it. I know.
This is crazy. This is funny.
I'm just loving the honesty, guys.
You guys are really going there.
It's beautiful. We really like to be honest. Yeah, no. But it's so refreshing.
Okay. Okay, three, two, one.
Caught on cue. She knows every episode of Friends by heart.
You and Roddy both, wow.
She knows all of the lines, every line.
And you could name what episode did this happen and I could tell you what season.
Wow. It's crazy. I never even watched the show one time before her.
Yeah, same as me and Roddy.
I didn't know. She might, Roddy knows it really well and I'm like, I need to catch up.
All right, that was good.
I like that. What's both of you as perfect date night?
How real am I allowed to be Just to be like I'm the worst at not wanting to do any no Old married couple.
I love it her idea of a perfect date night is like I Have so many but this was just Ben is planning the date night in his head right now.
Yeah Mine's really simple.
I never write, it's so weird. Yeah, it's strange, isn't it?
It's texting. You both got good handwriting for people who don't write though.
We're definitely not saying the same thing.
This is going to be so nice and romantic, and mine is just - You guys literally remind me of me and Ravi with the same, right?
Yeah, it's so funny.
All right, three, two, one, reveal.
What's her saying? Hot Tev Beni's food on a couch. Romantic dinner with some small thoughtful gesture than something I can't write.
I was trying to think of...
That's very sweet. I like both the answers.
Ed, you're right. They're both good date nights.
All right, what is Beni like on a flight?
Because Beni notoriously does not like it.
How would I know? She's never seen me on a flight.
Have you never done, you know...
...he does not fly.
Oh, I thought you told me you must have done it once.
I've done it, but not since we've been dating.
Oh, wow. Yeah, so that's a blank answer.
Oh, wow. I didn't know that.
That's that one. Okay, give us a.
What do you think Benny will be like on a flight?
I don't even know if I want to know because I would be so worried about him.
Yeah. Oh, sorry. Was I supposed to write that out?
No, no, no, that's fine.
Unless? Yeah, no, for sure.
it's a real real photo.
I just I think it's a big therapist. Yeah and that's real.
It's real. Makes sense.
All right okay, a couple more.
What's something your partner can do to make you laugh whenever you're in a mood?
So even if you're in your worst mood, what can your partner do?
Or what does your partner do that will always make you laugh?
So far Benny and Selena know each other very well.
This is going really well.
This is crazy. I like the commitment from both of you extremely competitive So wait Benny as you're writing how did you used to get to New York to see Selena?
Would you drive? What do you mean?
I'm about to do it.
What do you mean? I'm about to drive.
Yeah from here to New York Yeah, I'd take the boat to Europe.
Okay, so explain that journey to us.
Oh my god, it's so long It's like first you have to drive to New York and then you get on a boat for eight days And you're on the Titanic.
That is amazing. That is real commitment.
What's yours? All right, three, two, one.
Go for it. Go on, read it, Selena.
It says, dance or rap or say a weird fact that has nothing to do with what we're talking about.
Wait, that's what you're going to— That's what you do to make her laugh.
Well that's what I did.
Oh, I did what I do to her to make her laugh.
Oh, no, no. I wanted what the other person does to you.
That's what you did, Selena, right?
That's what Benny does.
Yeah! Yeah, yeah, Benny.
No, because you rap as well.
You're a good rapper, so— Oh, I did what I do to make her laugh.
Oh, going, what do you do right there?
I said, I hug her and then get on top of her and then I do that little funny laugh.
That's true. Okay, wait, what does she do?
What does Selena do that can make you laugh at any mood?
Whenever she wants.
She like, Selena, it's proven to be the better listener right now, so.
Okay, wait. No, no, we'll skip it.
We got a good answer.
I love it. What do you do that makes me laugh?
In any mood. Whenever you're in any mood, what can they do?
Like, yeah, like, Radhi would burst down to song and dance, like randomly, and no relevance to anything.
I think my existence makes you laugh sometimes.
She'll make like— she does like this, like, little face, where she puts her head down and looks at me and she's like, I can't even do it, but she'll do that.
That'll make me laugh, and you'll usually get on top of me.
No, but he actually— This is really funny, when I try to get somewhat heated, it's like he can't take me seriously, so he'll smile and then I'll go from being like.
That's true, yeah, whenever she starts to get angry, she's like, no. And I just laughed at her because it's so hard to take her seriously when she's like that.
And then I laugh. Yeah, that's true.
That's true. That's usually how our fights end.
Yeah, Ravi hates it because whenever she gets angry, I'm like, you're so cute.
Like, you're so cute with your angry.
No, but baby. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Same thing. This is like, I'm not cute.
I love that. That's awesome.
All right. What's the one thing they can't live without apart from you?
So about your partner, so Benny you're writing about Selena.
Selena's writing about you.
What's one thing this partner can't - This is so easy.
Apart from you? This couldn't be easier.
Guaranteed. What do you mean?
Guaranteed, easiest answer I could have ever thought of.
That's the best question you could have ever asked me.
I'm 100 % right. Oh, what is it?
Three, two, one. Space heater.
That's true. Explain the space heater.
Okay. So I have a very weird problem.
It's not even a problem.
It's just a knee problem.
I'm a very cold person.
My temperature usually on my space heater is 90 and I let it go all over.
And if I get hot, I just open the door and then close it again.
It's so backwards. It's so weird. Temperatures are hard. Everyone's got a different vibe.
Trust me, our office next door.
The team's always arguing over what temperature the room's at. Some people want it really cold, some people want it really hot.
We have a system so much. We have to see - She always wants it hot.
I love it. Okay, what's something the other person is really competitive about?
What are you competitive about?
I'm really not a super competitive person.
No, I don't know what she's - Tell me what you're - I don't think I'm - Tell me what Solina's not competitive.
Oh I was gonna say you are about games, but then you don't care anymore.
Like you're competitive for like the first five minutes.
Yeah, that's it. No, that's true.
Yeah. And then I start to think, oh, it's okay.
Yeah, yeah. She's getting better for like five minutes.
That's true. Okay. I love it.
All right, so, okay.
Last two questions.
Okay. Okay. Actually, I'm gonna go for the last one.
Because you both are big on this, I've heard from Benny.
What's the other person's most memorable gift they got you?
That he's given me, right?
Yeah. So the most memorable one she gave me?
Correct. Okay. Oh there are so many.
Yeah. There are no right answers.
I don't mind right after that.
This is just the only one that I can think of, but there are so many.
Oh, sorry. It's so bad.
You saw it. No I didn't.
I just saw a word. I love the commitments, Celina.
I'm so impressed. It's amazing.
You are the best. That's like...
Okay. All right. All right, talk about it.
Say, oh, that was a good one.
Okay, explain, go ahead and say that.
This is one is a picture from a set of Will and Grace.
I thought it was extremely thoughtful because that's one of my favorite shows and you can see it in the background of almost all the episodes.
No, I got her an actual piece of art that's in Will and Grace.
From set! Yeah, I got.
That's what they have. I knew the guy, my friend's brother, wrote it.
For one of her birthday presents, I got her an actual painting that's hung up in Will and Grace.
And when I gave it to her the day I gave it to her, she was watching Will and Grace and was on the TV.
It was so cool. That's a great gift. And mine's a framed picture of our first text where we fell in love.
Like the first one where we decided we were going to go out on that date, she framed it and like made this like cute.
She like made like did all these designs.
It's like macaroni and like glitter.
It was so cute. Oh, I loved that.
That's a great gift. Guys, you guys...
That was wonderful.
Selina and Benny, you are truly two of the most special people.
I'm so glad you found each other.
Thank you. And I am always rooting for you guys, forever in your corner and every possible way.
I love you both deeply and know that I'm always rooting for your love, and so...
Thank you so much. Yeah, genuinely so grateful for you.
Hey, do you want me to get you one of these boards?
Are you writing more?
What are you writing?
Come on. When I expected a hug or some sort of emoji.
I'm in a ... Now I know what I'm getting you for your birthday.
He's obsessed with these things.
Thank you, I love it.
You can take them home.
Well, we love you. Thank you for having us.
You guys are the best. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. I hoped that allowed you to share everything you wanted to say.
I found so good. Thank you.
You guys are the best. I love it.
Easy. You did it. Thanks guys.
You guys are so fun.
How was that? If you love this episode, you'll really enjoy my episode with Selena Gomez on befriending your inner critic and how to speak to yourself with more compassion.
My fears are only going to continue to show me what I'm capable of.
The more that I face my fears, the more that I feel I'm gaining strength and gaining wisdom, and I just want to keep doing that.
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