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Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeart Radio.
Good morning.
This is Laura.
Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.
Today's tip is to exercise your social muscles.
If you have any social skills that are weak, consciously thinking of how to strengthen them can make your social life better over time.
Today's tip comes from friendship expert Shasta Nelson, who has been a guest on my other podcast, Best of Both Worlds.
Shasta recently gave a TEDx talk called Relationally Fit The Social Secret to a Longer, Happier Life.
In her TED talk, she argues that no pain, no gain turns out to be true for relational fitness and not just physical fitness.
Just as you have to lift heavier weights and perhaps feel a little sore in order to strengthen your muscles.
She says that sometimes we have to do things that feel a little uncomfortable in our relationships in order to get stronger.
So think about this.
Where might you be socially flabby?
Shasta suggested a few areas.
Maybe you rarely initiate plans.
Maybe you have a tendency to start talking about yourself as soon as the other person takes a breath.
Maybe you withdraw from conflict.
I could think of several others, like not working to remember the details of other people's lives, or not staying in touch with people who you really like but who are no longer in your daily circle of activity.
It happens.
We can all get socially flabby.
But if you search yourself in your life and see that you have a particular weak spot, you can consciously train to get better in these areas.
For instance, if you tend not to be the person that initiates plans and you think your friends and loved ones may be wearying of always taking charge, challenge yourself to do this once a week for the next few weeks.
Put it on your priority list each week to reach out to someone and suggest something.
The first time might feel awkward.
But by your fourth or fifth time doing this, it's going to start feeling a lot easier.
You are getting stronger.
That is a good thing.
Or if you tend not to remember the details of people's lives, try to take at least one note from something someone told you.
Send an email to yourself about it or write it on your calendar for when you are next going to see this person.
Whatever it takes.
That way, when Jackie from book club mentions that she's going to Miami to celebrate her 15th wedding anniversary, you can see that note in your calendar and when book club meets again, you can ask her about it.
Over time, you might not need to be so formal about this, remembering as your flabby muscles get stronger.
While some people are more natural connectors than others, a lot of relationship building is a skill.
I love Shasta's metaphor about being relationally fit.
We can improve at most things if we try to improve at them.
Identifying weak spots lets us train to get stronger.
In the meantime, this is Laura.
Thanks for listening.
And here's to making the most of our time.
Thanks for listening to Before Breakfast.
If you've got questions, ideas, or feedback, you can reach me at laura at lauravandercam.com.
Before Breakfast is a production of iHeart Media.
For more podcasts from iHeart Media, please visit the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
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This is an iHeart Podcast.
Guaranteed human.
