Hello and welcome back to Advice Session, a series here on Anything Goes where you send in your current dilemmas or anything that you want advice on, and I give you my unprofessional advice.
And today we're gonna be discussing relationship anxiety because, wow, relationships are really anxiety inducing.
Even when they're going well, they can cause anxiety sometimes.
This is a topic with endless discussion points.
So I'm very, very excited to get into it.
Let's begin. Someone said, my boyfriend is going to college next year, but I will still be a senior in high school.
I'm scared. What do I do?
The first step is also the hardest step.
And this is a piece of advice that I give for almost all fears in life.
Step one, the hardest step, acceptance.
Coming to terms with the reality is the crucial first step, accepting, okay, my boyfriend's going to college, and at best we stay together through it, and at worst we don't.
That is just the truth.
I think more than just accepting the reality of the situation, which is that he's going to college and it could work or it might not work, it's accepting that the worst may happen, and that you might have to deal with that.
And there's many ways that you can come to accept in uncomfortable reality.
Number one, you can make a plan.
Okay, what happens if the worst case scenario happens?
What am I gonna do?
What am I gonna do to make it as manageable as possible?
Come up with a plan.
Now, in this scenario, your plan could be, if we end up breaking up, I'll spend more time with my friends, I'll join the chess club at school where there's a lot of cute boys.
Like, you know what I mean?
Like, you make a plan.
That's one way. But you can also remind yourself of this.
Okay, this is something I do when I'm really bothered by something that is ultimately not a life or death situation but still feels really important to me.
I will put it into perspective by comparing it to an actual tragedy.
Which I know sounds unhealthy.
Like that might actually not be great advice and a therapist might be listening to this thinking Emma is giving the worst advice ever but that is why I tell you in the beginning of the episode that this advice is unprofessional.
When I'm having really bad anxiety about something that does not involve life or death, okay?
This being a great example, boyfriend going to college, you still in high school.
This is not a life or death situation, okay?
Worst case scenario, you break up.
You will both survive, everybody will be okay.
I remind myself of that.
Like, there's something really comforting about comparing such a painful but yet not detrimental event to something that actually is detrimental.
Like putting it into perspective and realizing how small it is on the scale of catastrophe can be really helpful as well to ease your mind about.
Cause like you can get really lost in a fear like this, like, oh no, you know, my boyfriend, he's leaving and I'm going to be here and like he's going to find somebody else or like what's going to happen?
If you're fixated on something like that that can become all that you think about and it becomes your entire reality.
And you can sort of lose touch with the scale of things, right?
And if you were to step back and get a little bit of perspective as I'm describing right now, you'll realize that it's really not that big of a deal.
Like you're going to be okay, everyone's going to be okay.
And that's not to take away from your fear and your pain and your upset because that is absolutely valid.
This is me trying to help you.
This is something that I do, you know, to try to put things into perspective.
Like when I was going through my last breakup, there would be moments when I was beside myself.
And one of the most helpful tactics I used to calm myself down was to turn that into gratitude that worse things aren't happening.
Does that make sense?
Like I took my sadness about the situation and used it to fuel gratitude that everyone's alive, everyone's healthy, everyone's fine.
This is not the worst thing that could be happening right now.
Far worse things could be happening.
And that's incredibly helpful as well.
And after you figure out a way to sort of accept the reality of the situation, then I think it's important to communicate with your partner.
Be like, hey, this is really bothering me.
I'm really worried.
Do you even want to stay together?
Should we break up?
How are we going to make sure that we maintain a healthy level of communication?
How are we going to handle it if you find someone new?
Like flesh it all out.
Create a plan with your partner.
Get on the same page so that when this change does happen, you have everything in place to make this a successful long distance relationship.
And guess what? Worst case scenario, it doesn't work out.
I can promise you, you will be okay.
Relationships that don't work out teach you so much.
And honestly, I think a lot of times breakups happen for a reason.
It's very rare that a couple breaks up and they shouldn't have.
Like I look back at every single breakup and I have not one regret.
I should not be with any of those people.
I say that with zero hesitation.
Like I've never been more confident in the statement in my life.
And I can almost guarantee the same thing will happen to you.
If this relationship doesn't work out, it was probably not meant to be.
And a year after that breakup, you'll probably realize why.
If you and this boyfriend are meant to be together, you will make it work in college.
You'll find a way. And if it doesn't work out, it just wasn't supposed to.
Somebody said, how to manage a long distance relationship?
Is it worth it? How do I remain confident when my significant other lives far away?
It makes me so nervous.
I think long distance relationships can work, but they are really challenging.
They are really challenging.
Because I think that when it comes to developing a relationship, a huge part of it is time spent together, doing things together, being under the same roof day after day, after day, after day.
I mean, that develops a relationship like no other thing.
And so I think it's really hard to take a relationship to the next level when you're not, I don't know, when you're not together.
However, I think it really depends on what type of long distance relationship you have.
Like for example, let's say you met someone in your town and you lived in the same town, and for many years you live in the same city.
Okay, then like three years into the relationship, one of the significant others moves to another town, moves away, now you're long distance.
I think because that relationship has a foundation, I think it's far easier to maintain the relationship.
Like you have this foundation that you've built your relationship on, you know each other incredibly well.
I think the success rate of that is probably higher.
And I think it's worth pushing through because you made it work for three years when you were together and now you're apart, it's uncomfortable, it sucks.
But like you know what you're gonna return to once the long distance phase of the relationship ends.
Cause you can't do long distance forever.
You have to have some sort of plan of eventually ending the long distance or else I don't think it's worth it.
Personally, that's my opinion.
But if it's not a means to an end, I would say it's not worth working for.
But like, if you've been together for three years and then one person moves away and you're long distance for a few years but you know that you'll be living under the same roof again in a few years, like I think that's worth fighting for because you've already tried and tested your relationship for multiple
years, you know it works.
And you have a little bump in the road, some time apart but maybe it'll be good for you both and then you can come back together on the other end and be better than ever.
I think that there's a lot of good potential there and I think that's worth fighting for.
Something that's a bit more challenging is eliminating that three year relationship before the long distance period and starting off on a long distance period, right?
Like starting out your relationship not even in the same city.
It's pretty challenging because I don't know like the beginning phases of a relationship are usually filled with never wanting to be away from each other, you know?
Being around each other all the time, doing as much together as possible and if that gets ripped away from you and you're forced to just sit on FaceTime every night, I mean that sucks.
I've done that before and it's tough.
It's really tough. However, I do think that there's some value to it.
The value that I found from that was it can be really easy to just jump right into the physical stuff, like just get excited about like, oh my God, I have a crush on this person.
I love this person.
I'm dating this person.
I love this person.
Oh my God, so cute, so handsome.
And then you just like spend all of your time having sex or like laying together.
Like, you know what I mean?
It's just like nice to do that.
And you end up like maybe not talking as much.
I mean, you still talk of course, but like you're not forced to talk all the time.
You know, you're watching movies.
You're, I don't know, listening to music together.
Like you're not talking all the time.
When you're long distance in the beginning of a relationship, all you want to do is spend time together, but you don't actually get to spend physical time with each other.
So you have to either talk on the phone or talk on FaceTime.
And that's actually kind of cool because you can't touch each other.
All you can do is talk and you're forced to actually get to know each other on the deepest level because that's all you can do.
So there's something to that.
But I think if you don't have a plan to eventually live in the same city, I don't know how long you can make that kind of long distance work.
It's pretty tough. Like starting the relationship out, not living in the same city, it's pretty tough.
The relationship will truly begin once you live in the same city.
And that's not to demean or devalue the relationship that you can form virtually, because I actually do think that there's something really significant and deep there.
However, you don't know who you're dating until you live in the same city as them.
You just don't. Having an extended period of time where you are seeing your partner every single day, like that teaches you more about your partner than you could ever get from 10 trillion hours on the phone, you know?
So here's the deal.
Like, do I think long distance is worth it?
I think it can be. It's uncomfortable.
It's exhausting. It's kind of heartbreaking.
But I think if there's a light at the end of the tunnel and you truly love the person enough, I think it's absolutely worth it.
But it requires a lot of communication.
It requires oftentimes a lot of confrontation, like confronting your partner, being like, hey, you didn't call me all day.
What the fuck's going on?
Hey, you've been seeming kind of weird on the phone lately.
Like what's going on?
There's a lot of confrontation and a lot of communication that you need to participate in to upkeep a long distance relationship that is kind of a chore, you know?
It is kind of a bummer, but it's crucial for maintaining a level of confidence and understanding in a long distance relationship.
And it tests the trust that you have for that person, which is in some ways a good thing.
Like your trust is being tested because you're not seeing your significant other every day.
You're not seeing them all day.
You have no idea what they're doing.
You really have to trust their word.
And I actually think that that's a good thing because a lot of times that's when our gut instinct kicks in.
Like if we feel like something's off, sometimes we just have trust issues, but a lot of times we're kind of onto something.
And I don't know, it's almost like a good way to test your partner.
Like how do you feel when you're apart?
Do you trust them? Do you feel like they're communicating enough with you?
Do you feel like something to us is going on?
If no, this might be an uncomfortable but ultimately helpful catalyst to seeing your partner's true colors.
Okay, somebody said tips with relationship anxiety.
I struggle with randomly thinking my partner doesn't want me anymore when I get triggered.
For example, when he's drunk or with his friends, when he isn't messaging me as frequently, I instantly think that he doesn't want me anymore.
And it has a big impact on my daily life and activities and ability to focus.
I went to therapy but still struggle a lot with it.
I've brought it up to my boyfriend and he understands to a certain level, but I can tell that he gets annoyed sometimes when I'm constantly asking if he loves me, et cetera, which I completely understand.
But it makes me feel like I can't always talk to him about it because it pushes him away.
Okay, I have experience with this and I think there's two things that might be happening.
It might be you and it might be him.
It also might be a combination of you and him, but it's either your problem or it's his, I think.
Let me tell you a story.
I used to have a super, super anxious attachment style.
Super anxious. Like I constantly thought that my partners did not love me, did not like me.
I was constantly paranoid about if they wanted to leave me or if they didn't have feelings for me anymore.
I was a mess constantly.
And just like you, I was distracted all the time.
It completely fucked up my daily life and it was all I thought about 24 seven, okay?
Now that was pretty consistent for me for my first few relationships.
More recently I've discovered, wait a minute.
I think I just was choosing guys that didn't like me on purpose.
Like I was choosing guys that were emotionally unavailable who didn't really have it in them to fully love me.
Not because of me, but just because of who they are in the phase of life that they're in.
And then I would blame myself like, oh my God, I'm a freak.
Like I'm obsessed with trying to figure out if they still like me.
And then when I bring it up to them, they get annoyed and it pushes them away because they don't understand where I'm coming from and they think I'm being dramatic.
But then in retrospect, I realized, wait a minute.
No, they were not giving me what I needed.
Emotionally, they were not affectionate enough with me.
They did not reassure me consistently that they loved me.
They showed signs that made me believe that they weren't in it 100%.
And guess what? I was fucking right.
And what I came to realize later was when you're dating somebody who truly loves you, you will know it and you will feel secure.
I always had trust issues.
I was always an anxious wreck until I found somebody that just simply likes me and truly has the capacity emotionally to love me fully.
Like don't be so quick to blame yourself.
Be critical of your partner's behavior, okay?
Do they seem interested enough in you for you to feel confident in your relationship?
Do they ask you about your day?
Are they physically affectionate with you?
Do they make you feel safe and comforted and warm?
Are they ego lists in the way that they tell you that they love you?
By the way that you're describing your relationship anxiety, I would assume no.
Now, when we're in a relationship with somebody that we love, we have a tendency to make excuses for them, right?
Oh, but they just aren't super like emotional.
Like they're just not super emotional.
People are like, oh, they've been really stressed out with work recently.
That's a no, no, no, no.
Excuses, excuses, excuses.
There's a good chance of making an excuse for your partner.
Really, really have an honest conversation with yourself about that.
Now, there's also a chance that you just have really, really intense fears of abandonment that could stem from your childhood or past relationships, and they cause your trust issues to be so bad that just being in a relationship triggers that to come up.
And that's also a possibility.
And if that's the case, I think it's a matter of communication with your partner and being like, listen, I need extra reassurance.
I need you to help me soothe my brain, and help me heal from these trust issues.
It's about finding a partner who can nurture you through those trust issues, through communication, through a little extra help when it comes to reassurance, when it comes to discussing the fears of abandonment and all the anxiety and stuff.
It takes somebody who's a bit more patient, and who is okay with helping you through it.
But if you're having anxiety and there's absolutely no reason to, it could be that.
But I really, really, really, really encourage you to be critical of your partner privately, of course.
I mean, eventually you'll have to bring it up to them, or you might have to.
But at first, sort it all out.
Really, really ask yourself if they're giving you what you need and deserve emotionally in a relationship.
Somebody said, I don't know how to navigate my anxiety and mental health issues in a relationship.
How much do I burden them with?
And how much do I handle alone?
What are the healthy boundaries?
I definitely think this is something that depends on you and your partner as individuals.
However, this is tough.
It's a very delicate sort of situation.
And honestly, this is one that I would say it might be best to talk to a therapist about.
This is something that I think a professional can help you analyze better than I can.
However, I'll share with you what I do and how I figured out what to share and what not to share.
And maybe that'll be helpful for you.
I've found that through all the relationships I've been in, that it is really hard to be in a successful relationship with someone, romantic relationship with someone if they don't know what you're going through, okay?
And I've been in relationships with people who have not created a safe environment for me to share my feelings, right?
They've created either a judgmental environment or a non -understanding environment or a demeaning environment.
I've experienced all of that.
So I've experienced many relationships where I've been like, okay, I guess my lips are fucking sealed.
I'm not gonna tell you about anything that I'm going through because I'm gonna actually pay a price.
Like I will be punished in a way if I do so.
So I think the first step is to find someone who creates a safe space for you to talk about your mental wellbeing, who doesn't judge you, who has an open mind, who doesn't have preconceived ideas about mental health and anxiety and what it means about a person or what it doesn't mean about a person or what it
is or what it isn't.
There's a lot of nuance to the mental health anxiety conversation.
It's very, it's different for everybody.
Your partner's experience with depression, if they had it might be different than your experience with depression, et cetera, et cetera.
And to be with somebody who understands that is also very important because that allows for constructive open -minded conversation.
So I think it's very important to find somebody who makes you feel safe because if you're talking to somebody like that, then chances are you're gonna have a productive conversation and you're not actually burdening them with anything.
You're just filling them in on what you're going through so that they can proceed through life with you more efficiently, right?
I think it is actually really great to share your mental health struggles with your partner.
But I will say, I tend to share my emotional challenges with my partner when I'm not in an emotionally heightened state.
Like I might still be upset or struggling with something but I'm not like having a meltdown.
Like I usually will have my meltdown sort of alone and then I'll calm myself down and then I'll share what's going on with my partner, right?
Because I think it can be really challenging and heavy for your partner to experience you having a breakdown.
Do I think that sometimes it's inevitable?
Absolutely, but I think a lot of times it's better to handle that part on your own and then have a more rational level -headed conversation about it with your partner after the fact when possible, right?
So that's what I try to do.
But I do think that for the most part, being transparent in filling them in is a really good thing.
And I think of it as being more of a burden not to share mental health struggles with your partner because then you'll start acting weird or upset or cold as a result of your mental health challenges.
And then your partner will be like, wait, what the fuck's wrong?
Like did I do something?
When in reality it has nothing to do with them and that's almost worse.
So that's why I think complete transparency is great.
Like I've been in relationships where my partners have really been struggling with their mental health and I've been like, hey I wanna do everything I can to create a space where like you can tell me what the fuck's going on.
Cause I wanna help you, I wanna support you and I wanna understand you.
And they've just been unable to share which you know is challenging but is also like you know, I can't force anyone to do anything, right?
So that's just something that I have to deal with if I wanna be with that person.
So I've remained in relationships where my partner has had mental health challenges and I have not been aware of what's really going on.
And then it fucks with me beyond belief because I don't know what's going on.
I don't know why they're acting weird, et cetera, et cetera.
So I don't know, in my experience I think sharing things is almost always better as long as you can present it in a way that is productive.
You know what I mean?
Like I think whining and crying to your partner every day about something is maybe more of a burden but continuing to share like, ah, you know, I'm having another tough day because of this thing that's really bugging me or whatever.
Like that's helpful but like going to your partner and exploding and crying and having a meltdown and not being open to like finding a solution or I don't know, like if it's not productive maybe don't share but or try not to share, like maybe try to keep those moments more to yourself.
But I think in theory, you know, when we're with our partner, we want to, it's we should feel comfortable to share our ups and downs with our partner.
So I don't know. Somebody said, how to tackle the fear of engulfment.
I noticed myself refusing to let someone in not because they're bad in any way but because of the fear of becoming overly engulfed in that relationship.
It's holding me back from even giving it a chance.
I feel as if I have learned to become overly independent because of past relationships that I won't even allow myself to let anyone in.
When I talk openly about this, everyone seems to tell me they think it's a good thing but I believe my case is severe where I don't allow myself to fulfill my true mental and emotional desires out of fear of being hurt.
Advice on that? Well, number one, I listened to this audio book about attachment styles.
I wish I could remember what it was called.
Let me try to find the title of the book.
Yeah, the book is called Attached, the new science of adult attachment and how it can help you find and keep love.
I listened to this as an audio book and I'm no pro on this topic.
So I don't wanna like try to even paraphrase the book because it's so like complex but I really do recommend you look into avoidant attachment style.
It sounds like you have an avoidant attachment style and basically according to Google, the three attachment styles are secure, avoidant and anxious.
People with a secure attachment style are comfortable with intimacy and emotional attachment.
They are not codependent and don't base their self -esteem on their partner's reinforcement.
They're just in a healthy relationship.
People with an avoidant attachment style are emotionally distant and prefer independence.
They may be wary of physical contact and prefer to play with objects rather than people.
They wanna be in a relationship but they'd rather just not because they don't wanna risk getting hurt.
People with an anxious attachment style are often nervous and stressed about their relationships.
They need constant reassurance and affection from their partner and may have trouble being alone.
So it sounds like you have an avoidant attachment style.
Now let me Google how to, I'm curious what Google will say.
I Googled how to cure anxious attachment style.
Let's see what comes up.
Okay. According to verywellmind .com, you should number one, identify your patterns to break them which basically means, you know, noticing what you do.
Like maybe when you meet somebody that you really like, every time that happens, you just ghost them a week later because you just get scared.
Like a week later, you text for like a week and then you ghost them.
Okay, well, notice that pattern.
And next time you meet somebody that you have a crush on, when that one week mark hits, don't ghost them.
Thank you very well, mind, that's good advice.
Next, feel safe with intimacy.
Not just physical intimacy but emotional intimacy.
People who are avoidant tend to start pushing people away when they get too close by focusing on minor flaws and differences, suppressing needs and not sharing what you need in a relationship because you don't want to rely on your partner.
Feeling like you have the upper hand in dating because you don't succumb to big displays of emotion and let problems slide.
Comparing your partner to unrealistic standards based on an idea in your mind about what love looks like.
Withdrawing when a relationship escalates which is when conflict in deeper emotions may express themselves.
In keeping conversations light so that you can avoid excessive communication making future plans and stepping into emotional intimacy.
But according to this website, basically explaining to your partner and being like, I really value what we have, but I'm used to pulling away when things get too close.
I think it'd be helpful if we take things slowly so that we can maybe make this work.
That's kind of beautiful.
I really recommend that article actually.
That was just a few points from it.
Very well -mined. How to heal and avoid an attachment style.
Great article. I won't read the whole thing, but I think really what it comes down to is number one, finding the right partner who you feel safe enough with to work through this challenge with, but also kind of forcing yourself out of your comfort zone.
Realizing the areas where you need to push yourself.
Like, oh, shit. I always ghost people, or I refuse to put labels on things.
Or what you need to do is you need to not ghost people.
You need to put labels on things and realize that it's all in your control.
Like whether or not you become engulfed in a relationship is up to you.
You have more control over your life than you even realize.
We often fear that we're out of control in our lives, that we don't have control over what we do.
But we do. As long as we pay attention and don't go into autopilot 24 seven, you know, like we have moments where we're not in autopilot, we have control over what we do, you know?
And remind yourself of that and find peace in that, that you have control over if you become engulfed.
But also know that even if the worst case scenario comes true and you do get your heart broken, you got engulfed and you got your heart broken, you're gonna be okay too.
But the feeling of getting your emotional needs met is worth that risk, I would say.
Anyway, do research on avoidant attachment style.
I think you'll find a lot of value in it.
I used to be an anxiously attached person and now I think I'm secure.
But wow, was it horrible being anxiously attached?
Actually, I as an anxiously attached girly pop used to love dating avoidant men.
Yum, I loved that. I can't ever do that again because it actually almost killed me, I think.
Anyways, not that there's anything wrong with being avoidant.
Like it's not anyone's fault, it's not your fault.
All we can do is work towards being as secure as possible.
But there is no more horrible combination than an anxiously attached and in avoidant because avoidant people are like trying to run away and distance themselves and then the anxiously attached is trying to get closer, closer, closer, as close as possible.
And it's totally toxic.
So anyway, look into attachment styles.
All right, somebody said, moving in with a partner, how fast is too fast?
I mean, sometimes we have to move in with our partners.
If there's factors other than fun for moving in together, could be like, hey, let's save on rent, let's live together.
It could be like, hey, I can't find an apartment or I can't find a house, like I need to live somewhere for a bit, do you mind if I move in?
There are a lot of different factors that contribute to the timeline of moving in.
But I will say, when it's a choice, I think it's best to wait as long as possible and instead just like play house.
If you can, play house for as long as you can, right?
Like switch nights every night, sleep at your partner's house, have them sleep at yours every other night, sleep together every night if you want, who cares?
If that's what you wanna do, that's great, do that.
But I would say wait until the very last minute to move in together.
Like basically do everything you can before that point.
Like have clothes at their house, have them have clothes at yours, have like a toothbrush in your full skincare, like basically get as close to living together as you possibly can and try that out for as long as possible until it's like, oh my God, this is exhausting.
Like it's been a year and a half, it's been two years and we're at each other's houses every day.
Like there's no point.
At that point maybe move in together, you've tried it out.
You know what it feels like.
But I think that the thing that's important to remember is that it's so much harder to break up when you live together.
And breaking up, having the option to break up is very important.
Like as we date throughout our life, the more space we have to end it if it's not working, the better, especially while you're in a dating phase.
Like if you get married and you have kids, that's obviously different.
But like when you're dating, you're dating.
You know what I mean?
You're not like fully committed, you're not life partners, right?
Like it's good to keep the options open.
It's good to be like, hey, if this ends up not working out, if I see this person's true colors and it doesn't work out for me, I want to be able to leave as seamlessly as possible.
And when you live together, it gets very complicated.
So that's my reasoning for not saying like, Hey, move in tomorrow.
Like it's better to keep the trial run as long as possible.
But you know, if for financial reasons or whatever, you know, you can't wait.
I think it's good to have a backup plan for if things don't work out so that you don't feel trapped because you might end up wanting to break up and you don't want to end up staying with them longer than you want to just because you live together and you don't know how to get out.
Somebody said, what to do if your partner is giving you the silent treatment.
Oh, that is annoying.
There's nothing I hate more than the silent treatment because it's so not helpful.
Like even if somebody were to just say like, you know what, I just need a minute to think about this.
I want to be communicative, but I just need to think for a bit.
That's different than giving the silent treatment.
The silent treatment is just like all of a sudden shutting down and not saying, oh, I can't handle that.
Like that really upsets me.
Like at least tell me you need a moment or whatever.
It's just, to me, it's ridiculous and it's immature and I can't handle it.
But I also understand it to an extent because sometimes, you know, it's like silence is a weapon.
It can be a weapon, a powerful weapon.
Like I get the appeal in some ways it's the easiest weapon to use.
You don't even have to think or say anything and you're hurting your partner.
You're making a point.
I think the best thing you can do when your partner is giving you the silent treatment is say, listen, I understand you're upset, but we're not gonna solve anything unless we communicate at least a little bit.
So either tell me that you need a moment to be silent.
Tell me how much time you need to be silent and think and I'll give you that time.
And then when you're done, we can discuss, but I want to know that we have a plan in place to get the shit figured out.
Because you just giving me the silent treatment, it's not accomplishing, we're not accomplishing anything.
It's ridiculous. We're getting no closer to a solution by you giving me the silent treatment.
We're only getting further from a resolution.
You deserve your quiet time if that's what you need, but we need to be on the same page about that quiet time.
We're in the middle of an argument.
You can't just stop talking and expect me to take that as a response.
Tell me that you need a minute and I'll give you that minute and then everyone's happy.
It's the respectful thing to do in conversation and in conflict.
And last but not least, somebody said, I'm so jealous from relationships, help.
I do think that jealousy in relationships ultimately comes down to your own self -esteem.
And I think that you need to soul search and figure out what you provide in a relationship.
Because the only way that I've been able to combat jealousy is by truly coming to the conclusion that my partner would be a fucking idiot to fuck it up with me.
Like that's the only way that I've been able to not be jealous, right?
Is to be like, no, I'm actually a great partner and a great person and I'm not perfect and I have more to improve upon and I will continue to improve, but I'm pretty awesome.
And if they left me, that would be their loss.
And it's about living that truth, being a good partner to them, being generous, being thoughtful, being kind, being supportive, but also being good as an individual, working hard, being a good person to other people, taking care of yourself, all of those things will boost your self -esteem and make you
realize, wait, they'd be dumb if they lost me.
Because I make it a priority to be the best I possibly can be to them and to myself and that sets me apart.
I know what I bring to the table and they'd be dumb to lose me.
But also remember that being a little jealous here and there in relationships usually just means that you care.
Like it's normal to get a little jealous here and there, but when you're jealous all the time and it's detrimental, that's when I think you gotta go a bit deeper.
All right, that's it.
That's all I have for today.
Thank you all for listening and hanging out.
I hope that you enjoyed this and if you did, new episodes of Anything Goes every Thursday and Sunday, tune in anywhere that you stream podcasts, although video episodes are exclusively on Spotify.
Check Anything Goes out on social media at Anything Goes.
Check me out on social media at Emma Chamberlain.
And last but not least, check out my coffee company, Chamberlain Coffee.
We're probably an historian or you.
Go to Target, go to Whole Foods, go to Sprouts.
Find us there. And if you don't have those stores near you, chamberlincoffee .com, that's all I got.
I love you all, I appreciate you all.
Thank you for hanging out, you're the best.
And I'll talk to you freaking soon, okay?
I'll talk to you soon.
Okay, bye.
