You want to know what feels really good. not being rejected.
But that's not interesting. So we're not talking about that today.
We're talking about being rejected because that's interesting.
Unfortunately, painful and uncomfortable things tend to be more interesting in conversation.
I'm not sure why that is, but it's definitely true.
And the thing about rejection is that all of us have experienced it before.
We've all been rejected at least once. And we're all going to continue to experience rejection.
It's inevitable. And it's almost guaranteed to happen.
It's just one of those things that we can't avoid.
We can do everything right. We can be perfect.
And we're still at risk. of being rejected.
It's just the way life works. No one's safe.
No one. This is an ad by BetterHelp. The internet is a big place and the info you find isn't always the most accurate.
Every time I look up wellness or mental health tips, I met with so much information, I don't even know how to sort through it.
And not all the information you're going to find online is from people who really know what they're talking about.
There's so much advice online, it can be overwhelming and knowing what works for you isn't easy.
That's why it's important to use trusted sources, or even better, talk to a living, breathing person who can help. like a therapist.
They're trained to help you gain confidence, improve relationships, to share positive coping skills tailored to you specifically.
And I'll see you next time. As the largest online therapy provider in the world, BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of expertise.
Talk it out with BetterHelp. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com. slash anything.
That's betterhelp.com slash anything. This episode is brought to you by Squarespace.
Gave you the ick. Let me tell you, that wouldn't happen if they used Squarespace.
Squarespace Design Intelligence empowers anyone to build beautiful, more personalized websites tailored to your unique needs.
With Squarespace payments, it's super easy to manage payments with just a few clicks.
Plus, with Squarespace's integrated and optimized SEO tools.
There's all the help you need to get people to your site.
Head to squarespace.com slash Emma for a free trial and use code Emma to save 10% on your first purchase. this episode is brought to you by eBay we all have that peace that one that's so you, you've basically become known for it.
And if you don't yet, you'll find it on eBay.
That Miu Miu off the runway, red leather bomber.
The Cusco Barcelona cowboy top or that fleece in the 2017 colorway All of these finds are on eBay, along with millions more main character pieces, backed by Authenticity Guarantee. eBay is the place for pre-loved and vintage fashion. eBay.
Things people love. The thing that's interesting about rejection is that it's not the most... painful experience out there.
There are far more painful experiences out there.
But rejection is still incredibly uncomfortable.
And I think the reason why it's so uncomfortable is because it stirs up a handful of uncomfortable feelings in oneself.
I think most obviously being rejected makes you feel inadequate.
It makes you feel not good enough. It's easy to jump to the conclusion that you're being rejected because you're You didn't live up to expectation.
You weren't good enough. There's someone out there that's better than you that's going to replace you.
You didn't work hard enough. You'll never be enough even if you try.
You were born not enough. It's easy to jump to all of those conclusions.
Because being rejected immediately puts you in this vulnerable position with your self-esteem and your ego.
And so immediately you start to question yourself.
That's not fun. Rejection also begs you to self-reflect. which is also uncomfortable because I think a lot of us like to self-reflect on our own time. when we feel like it, but when you're rejected, you're kind of being begged to self-reflect.
Because in order to figure out why you were rejected, you need to look inward.
Now, you could discover a handful of things But regardless of what you might find, it's uncomfortable to be in a situation that begs for you to self reflect.
It can be terrifying. Rejection also comes with heartbreak.
And not necessarily in the scenario that you imagine.
Obviously, one of the main ways that we get rejected is in love.
That's one of the more common places where we get rejected in life.
But we can experience heartbreak from rejection anytime. in all areas of life.
The same way that you can fall in love with a person, you can fall in love with an opportunity, with an experience, with a place, with a thing.
Rejection almost always comes with some sort of heartbreak.
And we all know heartbreak is not fun. Last but not least, rejection can also shatter your idea of the future. which can be catastrophic at times.
I think a lot of us like to plan our future We like to feel like we're in control of our future.
We like to know what it looks like because it's comforting.
The future can be daunting if you don't have an idea of what it's going to look like.
And that's why a lot of us... start dating a person or start a new job or move to a new place. and imagine our lives there and imagine our futures there.
But rejection can come and rip those things away in the blink of an eye in the future that you've been imagining. can shatter.
And that is really unsettling everything that has been bringing you comfort is now gone. there are so many ways that we can be rejected too.
Most obviously, Rejection in love. A significant other. isn't feeling it anymore.
They reject you. A friend who you thought was going to be your friend for the rest of your life wants to go a separate way in life. rejects you your boss doesn't feel like you're right for your position anymore Fires you, rejects you.
The college that you wanted to go to rejects you.
The landlord of a building that you wanted to move into rejects you.
There are so many scenarios where we can get rejected. and each come with its own level of pain, you know?
I think being rejected from a dream job or being rejected in love is more painful than being rejected by a landlord that chose someone else. for the apartment that you wanted to get.
You know, there's different levels to it, but none of it feels good.
But the thing is, being rejected is inevitable.
It's one of those inevitable things. Death, rejection, it's inevitable.
And in my experience in life, it's so much easier to approach the scary, inevitable truths of life with acceptance and openness because it makes life much less scary.
I truly believe that when something's inevitable, It's much better to focus on finding a healthy way to handle it. than to find a way to avoid it at all costs.
Because with both of those coping mechanisms, there's going to be pain.
Yes, there will. But one is more realistic. and the other is not.
It's much more realistic that you're going to have to figure out a way to get through it and you might as well try to find a healthy way to do so. you're not going to successfully avoid rejection and live a fulfilling life.
It's just not realistic. Most things that are fulfilling... require the risk for rejection.
So... you might as well figure out a healthy way to perceive it, a healthy way to get through it. a healthy way to grow from it.
We have a tendency to avoid painful experiences And understandably so.
But we can only run away from uncomfortable experiences for so long.
Running gets exhausting. It's much better to stop running. and to figure out a way to feel comfortable with the reality of uncomfortable circumstances in life.
And the truth of the matter is painful experiences can be really painful. crucial in self-development and growth and building strength. as a human being.
Now if you're not spiritual or religious at all, you can ignore what I'm about to say.
Because I don't even know where I stand on the topic.
But I have a vague... sort of misunderstood spirituality within myself. that doesn't have clear rules or clear, doesn't follow any specific rules, holy book per se, but I wouldn't call myself an atheist.
I do think that challenging experiences are given to us to teach us things. on a spiritual level.
Whenever I'm faced with a challenge, I always feel like it's the universe giving that challenge to me to show me something.
And maybe that's a naive, cutesy little way for me to comfort myself during times of discomfort.
But don't yuck my yum, okay? It helps me.
So... relax and let me have my little spiritual thing, okay?
But for those of you who are also spiritual, that might resonate. the first step in building a healthy relationship with rejection is to figure out a healthy way to perceive it.
I've shifted my perception on rejection in such a way that It doesn't scare me anymore.
In order to create a healthy relationship with rejection, I've had to teach myself certain things and cement certain things into my mind in order to get to a place where I'm open. to rejection and I'm not afraid of it.
The first thing I cemented into my mind was, I'll never know unless I try.
We can avoid a situation where rejection is possible because...
We'd rather play it safe than potentially face the horror of rejection.
But the truth is, it's a win-win to at least try.
You obviously win if you try and don't get rejected because obviously you didn't get rejected.
And that's one of the best feelings in the world.
But I also think you win if you do get rejected.
Because not only will you learn something about yourself and about life that you wouldn't have otherwise, But you can go to sleep at night knowing I did everything I could.
And yeah, I got rejected. But it's a part of my process.
And now I just need to make a plan to figure out how I'm going to restructure my life so that I can continue on the path that I want to go on.
If you don't put yourself into situations where you might get rejected, not only are you not giving yourself the chance to learn something from the experience, But you also don't give yourself the chance to possibly not get rejected. and to possibly have an exciting result.
You just throw all of that goodness away.
Now it's a lot easier said than done because Being rejected can also send you into a terrible spiral if you're not in the right place to experience it.
The next thing I cemented into my mind was how rejection always has the potential to to teach you something valuable if you let it.
I don't think there's ever an occasion when being rejected is doesn't have the potential to teach you something.
And I try to be in a mindset of growth constantly.
I'm not always in a mindset of growth. Sometimes I'm an autopilot.
But I try to always be open to growth. I try to always be open to what lessons come my way.
And by shifting my view of rejection from being something scary to being something that will inspire growth.
I'm just less frightened by the potential of that experience.
Being rejected can show you so many things.
It can show you areas in your life that you need to work on. which is not always fun, but can be really useful.
Rejection can help you build confidence in a really weird way.
When you're rejected, you're forced to analyze whether you're being rejected because you You fell short in some area? or if you're being rejected because of someone or something else, they are having an issue. or there's something internal going on there that's caused you to be rejected. but it really has nothing to do with you.
Because those are the two scenarios. It might have something to do with you.
It also might not at all. on the occasion that you're rejected and it has nothing to do with you. confidence in yourself can be built.
Because when you're rejected and you know deep down, this has nothing to do with me.
There's no way it could have had anything to do with me.
You know, I did everything right. And I'm confident in that.
By self reflecting on your abilities and coming to the conclusion the honest conclusion that it truly had nothing to do with you.
You're forced to build confidence in yourself because... this analysis of yourself. can help to remind you how capable you really are.
And on an average day, we're not hyper analyzing our abilities.
I mean, some of us are. I guess we all do during certain chapters of our lives, but... when you're sort of in routine, you're not necessarily hyperanalyzing your abilities.
When you get rejected, you're begged to hyperanalyze your abilities and who you are and If you accept the invitation to hyperanalyze yourself, And you come to the conclusion that the rejection had nothing to do with you and that your skills and abilities and traits are strong and admirable. then you'll find more confidence in that and you'll discover, wait,
I can be rejected and still see myself in the same light it can build your belief in yourself in a weird way.
Being rejected also helps you build strength in a lot of ways.
The more exposed you are to rejection, the better you'll be at handling it the next time.
Because the unknown is scary. If you haven't been rejected very much in your life, then...
The idea of it is much more daunting. The more that you experience it, the less scary it becomes.
You're like... The last 10 times I got rejected, everything turned out fine.
And that's comforting, you know? Being rejected also teaches you that sometimes things don't always work out the way that you planned.
And... that doesn't mean your life is over.
If you can get rejected and get right back up, And keep going.
You'll prove to yourself through that that it's okay when things don't go the way that you thought they would. being rejected gives you an opportunity to prove to yourself that you can get through challenging moments and come out on top.
I will say, though, it must be mentioned that that rejection only teaches you a lesson if you let it.
Rejection only has the opportunity to teach you things if you're willing to let it teach you things.
It can be easy to be faced with rejection and to immediately shut down and avoid the opportunity to self-reflect due to fear of what you might find.
But that's crucial if you want to learn from it.
I also think a lot of times when we're rejected, we immediately become angry and ignorant because our egos are bruised and we feel, we feel so mad and we feel embarrassed and we feel shameful.
And so then we just get pissed. and we're pissed off and we're like, we're mad and we're saying things that we don't mean and we're just, oh, we turn nasty.
And so all this anger and ignorance will take over our brains to a point where we can't properly analyze the situation.
Therefore, we can't learn from it. And that's unfortunate.
But again, if you can look at rejection as an invitation to grow, then there's so much value there.
Another thing I've cemented into my mind is that rejection doesn't always have to do with me.
I know I've already kind of said that, but...
It's so important to remember that there are going to be times in our lives when we're rejected.
And we could have done nothing more. And there's something really comforting about that. although there's always a chance that it had something to do with you, the mere chance that it might not is comforting and it's crucial to remember that.
Because I think a lot of us immediately take rejection personally.
And we think, immediately that it's because we fell short.
But that is not always the case. I've also cemented in my brain that everyone gets rejected, not just me.
This is a universal experience. This happens to everyone.
If you go and find an interview of a celebrity that you admire online, a CEO that you admire, whoever it might be, chances are, you'll hear about a slew of rejections that they've received in their life and career.
Rejection is universal. And that makes it feel less daunting as well. knowing that you can talk to almost anyone in your life about the topic and they will have a story for you. is comforting.
Knowing that the people that you admire the most have been rejected is comforting.
And it makes you fear it a little bit less.
And then to get spiritual one more time, another thing that I've cemented into my brain is that sometimes... you get rejected because something spiritual wanted that to happen.
Again, if you're not spiritual, you can ignore this.
But as a vaguely, weirdly uncertain spiritual person myself.
I sometimes just feel like the universe, God, something, whatever. wanted me to be rejected right now.
I don't know why. But it did. And you know, it's interesting because I look at every single scenario in life that I've been rejected thus far.
And it's so clear to me now that that that was exactly what needed to happen.
There's not one time in my life thus far that I've been rejected where I look back and say that shouldn't have happened.
I can't, it's never been that way. That's never been the case.
In the moment, it's felt awful and life ruining. and tears have been shed.
But in retrospect, it's always been exactly what needed to happen for me. to learn what I need to learn and to go on a different path that I didn't even know I needed to go on.
So those are the things that I try to remember about rejection all the time.
I've tried to shift my view on rejection so that that's the way I see it 24-7.
Not just when I'm being rejected, and not just when I'm not being rejected.
I've tried to get to a place where This is how I perceive rejection.
And it takes a level of... practice to get to a place where you've shifted the way you view a daunting and scary experience like rejection.
But what I find to be so valuable about it is that it, gives me the strength to put myself in situations where I might get rejected.
It gives me the strength to do what I truly want to do in my life. without fear of rejection.
And it also makes the times when I do get rejected much easier.
Overall, it has improved my life in many ways to shift the way I view rejection.
This episode is brought to you by Cozy. Getting your home to not just look right, but also feel right is so important.
I think what I love most about my home is how There are so many little details around the house that bring me so much joy.
We'll be right back. on there. I get a bunch of work done on there.
When I'm shopping for a I'm looking for something that's comfortable, but also fun to look at.
That's why you've got to love Cozy. Their furniture is modern, practical, and designed to make your day-to-day feel a little more, well, cozy They're modular and customizable.
So if you wake up one day with the urge for a new look, Cozy makes it so easy. easily switch up the layout, switch up the style, switch up the color.
With cozy sofas, you don't just get a new nap spot, but the freedom to change your mind.
Transform your living space today with Cozy.
Visit cozy.com. That's C-O-Z-E-Y dot com.
The home of possibilities made easy. Hey there, you're here because you know that in life, anything goes.
And whatever comes your way, you want to have options.
Plan B emergency contraception is one of those options.
It's backup birth control you take after unprotected sex to help prevent pregnancy before it starts.
It's legal and available in all 50 U.S. states and there's no age restriction so anyone can buy it.
And in case you're wondering, it won't impact your future fertility.
Together we've got this. Follow Plan B on Insta at planb1step.
Use as directed. But now let's zoom in on how to handle rejection in the moment.
Obviously, the way you perceive it is important, and that's half the battle.
But what about in the moment? How do you handle that?
What about when the shit gets real? It's all fun and games to perceive it this way blah blah blah blah blah.
In the heat of the moment, how should it be handled?
Well, I'll tell you what I do. Number one, I handle it with grace understanding, and maturity to the best of my ability, okay?
No one's perfect. Sometimes my ego wants to blow up.
And I want to explode with anger and I want to say mean things.
And I want to hurt someone's feelings. Nobody's perfect.
But I really try. to handle it beautifully, if you will. it can take a lot of self-control and restraint because...
When you get rejected, you immediately feel rejected. a bruise to your ego.
Your ego immediately is attacked and is vulnerable.
Because being rejected puts you in... a less powerful position, right?
The person rejecting you is in the power position You are not in the power position.
That threatens your ego. That makes you angry.
That makes you... stoop to a level that you didn't want to stoop to, that makes you... scared and embarrassed and mad.
And immediately when you're rejected, you're being tested in a way. it takes a lot of courage to handle rejection with grace and understanding and maturity.
It takes so much self control. It's so much easier to just explode with anger.
But it's so worth it to handle it beautifully because... not only does that help you build respect for yourself, Because long-term, you'll be proud of the way you handled the situation.
You'll be proud of yourself for not succumbing to the temptation of exploding. but also the other party will grow respect for you if you handle it beautifully.
As I said, it's very mature to handle rejection gracefully.
And not only is it mature, it's admirable.
When somebody handles rejection calmly and respectfully.
It is admirable because we all know how hard it is.
We all know how tempting it is to be angry and mean and evil in those moments.
And it's such a respectable thing to do.
And in order for you to get rejected, you must have wanted something right. you must have wanted something and then another party said no, right?
If you are able to handle rejection gracefully, instead of shutting the door on rejection, that other party. you're actually kind of leaving that door open, right?
Let me explain, that might be a little bit too abstract.
Let's say you apply for a job. It's your dream job. and you don't get the job, okay? the person who is going to be your boss calls you up and says, listen, You're not outgoing enough.
You don't have enough experience. It's just not the right time for you to be working at this company.
You're livid. You're so livid because you're like, you don't even know me.
I'm totally outgoing. You didn't even... get enough time with me to figure out how outgoing I really am.
And also, I do have enough experience. Let's say you're thinking all of this in your head.
If you decide to say that to the person who is going to be your potential boss, Now you're definitely never going to get that job.
But if you respond to this person who is going to be your boss and say, Well, I really appreciate you taking the time. to speak with me.
Hopefully in the future, we can work together when you feel I'm a better fit. for this position and I hope you have a beautiful day.
Bye. if you respond in that second way, there's a chance that you might get a call from that potential boss six months down the line, six years down the line, who knows?
If you respond the first way, mean, aggressive, ego shattered, angry.
You will never, ever, ever get to work there.
Ever. Maybe, maybe if your boss is weird or your potential boss is weird and they like aggressive people.
I don't know, but like... Very, very unlikely that now you're going to get that job.
If you're in a relationship with somebody and you break up, And during the breakup, you're graceful and you're respectful.
There's a chance, a good chance actually, that you both could rekindle down the line, depending on how you left it and why you left it.
If you end a relationship angry, insulting each other, spitting at each other, just so mad, there's far less of a chance that there'll be a rekindling there.
Again, it's still possible. Anything's possible with romance.
Trust me. Wow, is anything possible? Mm, anything's possible.
Yeah. And I'm not saying it's like always the right thing to break up and say, We're going to get back together later.
That's a messy topic. That's a topic for another day. if it's a situation where it's like kind of right person, wrong time, because that definitely does happen, handling it with grace, understanding grace, maturity, and respect will leave that door open for a rekindling much more than if it's handled in the other way.
Step two, when I'm rejected. I really try to analyze the situation in a way that's honest.
It's easy to kid yourself and say, this had nothing to do with me.
I'm perfect. This had everything to do with them.
Fuck them. They fucking missed out. Fucking losers.
Yeah. I rock and I'm perfect. Listen, that might be somewhat true. you might have gotten rejected because somebody else had an issue, okay?
Someone else, something else had an issue.
Yeah, there's a chance that that's true.
But I would argue there's more of a chance that you have some areas you need to grow.
And honestly, even if you got rejected and it had nothing to do with you, Maybe this is a chance to self-reflect just in general and see how you could just be better anyway.
Right? But what it really comes down to is honesty with yourself.
There's no value in being rejected if you don't take the opportunity to to honestly and genuinely reflect on the situation and learn from it.
It only works when it's done honestly. And that's the hardest part because again It is so easy to kid yourself, but you can't.
You have to try to just turn the ego off.
And remember, it's okay if you fell short.
It's okay if you have some areas you need to grow.
That's totally fine. Realizing that is actually bad it's actually a badass thing to do it's actually really badass it's actually really mature It's actually really fucking cool.
And nobody will ever... look at you and say, what a loser.
They got rejected and then they grew from it.
What a loser. No one will ever say that because again, everyone knows how hard that is.
So... You'll only ever be celebrated if you handle rejection in this way.
And you'll only benefit from rejection if you handle it in this way.
It doesn't always happen overnight. You know, it's not like you get rejected and then, Within one to three business days, you have it all figured out.
Sometimes it takes months. Sometimes it takes years.
I've had... situations occur where I've been rejected and it's taken me years to find the areas that I need to grow You know, like it takes years sometimes and that's okay. as long as your goal is to grow from the rejection in some way,
And to be honest with yourself in the process, you can't go wrong.
Step three in being rejected is trusting the process.
Life is a journey filled with a whole lot of unfortunate shit.
And sometimes you just have to sit back and trust the process.
You know, when you try to run away from the hard parts of your life and you try to run away from the hard parts of your process and your journey, you end up just taking longer to get to the place you want to get to.
I kind of think of it like this. The journey to reaching the place that you want to reach is kind of like a straight path.
And on that path, there's a lot of shitty stuff.
There's like poop on this path. There's like a mouse trap that you might step on. there's like a dog that might bite your leg.
Like on this metaphorical path, to getting to where you want to be in life.
There's a lot of bad stuff that's going to hurt you and bother you along the way.
Now, you could take detours and try to avoid these shitty things on your path.
But here's the problem with that. Taking detours and trying to avoid these challenging moments just makes the journey a whole lot longer and doesn't guarantee that there aren't shitty things. on the detour of the path.
Does that make sense? Ugh. I have a metaphor in my head and it feels so good.
It feels so good to me. I think of it, I close my eyes, I think of it, I see it.
I'm like, wow, that is, it's exactly what that's...
That's helping me. That's clicking for me.
And then I try to explain it and I'm like, could be hit or miss.
To me, I see it. To you, I don't know So I tried it and I don't know if it worked, but just...
Do with that what you can, okay? We're working together here.
We're working together. But it's so important to trust your process and trust your journey. and to accept the challenging parts of that process and that journey. and to know that you can get through them.
And the last step when you're rejected is to make a plan.
Once you've somewhat processed the situation, the best step you can take is to make a plan.
Figure out your next plan of action. And in a way, use it as a distraction to help you with the discomfort. from all the pain that the rejection may have brought.
My dad really has cemented this into my brain because...
Whenever I hit a roadblock in life, which happens to me frequently because I am a fellow human.
We all hit roadblocks a lot in life. Some would argue they're never ending.
I might agree with that. I have a tendency to want to just sit in suffering. when things are challenging.
I have a tendency to feel too stubborn when I'm upset. to make a plan of how I'm going to get through it.
And it's something I'm working on. because I can't tell you how helpful it is. to create a new plan of action instead of sitting and suffering.
Now, that's not to say that you're not allowed to sit and suffer.
Because sometimes that's what we need for a little while.
Sometimes we don't have it in us to make a plan quite yet.
But you will get to a place where you've processed the situation enough that you have the strength to to start building a plan.
And building a plan makes you feel less hopeless.
As I mentioned earlier, being rejected can sometimes shatter what you thought the future was gonna be.
And that's not always necessarily true. There are times when romantic relationships end friendships and opportunities are ripped away from us and they're given to us down the line in our journey.
There are also times when those things happen and you redirect your attention completely go a different way.
And that ends up being a reward. rewarding experience that you never would have planned otherwise.
You never would have pursued otherwise. Regardless of how the rejection... impacts the way that you see the future, you got to make a plan.
What's the next step I need to take to get back on the horse and just keep riding?
What's the next step I need to take? I would give an example, but there are just so many scenarios.
That's how I handle rejection across the board in life, 24-7.
Those are all the ways I handle rejection.
And I don't want anyone to think, oh, rejection is so easy for her.
It's not. It's not. It sounds a lot easier on paper.
But all of this stuff is fucking hard. It's so hard.
I don't even know if it gets easier. Like, I think rejection will always stink.
But I think there are ways that you can perceive it and there are ways that you can handle it that make it a teensy bit easier. and a whole lot more rewarding.
I think we can all agree that keeping things fresh is a must.
Of course, you've got to keep your breath fresh, but don't stop there.
You can also freshen up the So pop some Mentos gum and maybe put a little extra effort into your outfit today. or try a new workout class, or order something different at your local coffee shop today.
Refresh the everyday with Mentos gum. Available in a range of fresh flavors like spearmint, fresh mint, and strawberry.
Mentos gum. Yes to fresh. This episode is brought to you by Welch's Fusions, the newest drop from Welch's Fruit Isn't it so satisfying when you combine two of your favorite things to make something even better?
It's like when I'm putting an outfit together and I pair two of my favorite pieces together. that I've never put together before.
Like it just never crossed my mind. If you love a good pairing like I do, New Welch's Fusions are so good.
Each one is a combination of two fruity flavors and one juicy bite.
One flavor on the outside, another on the inside.
It's an unbelievable taste sensation. So I recommend them for experienced taste buds only.
You've been warned. New Welch's Fusions.
Please fuse responsibly. To conclude this episode, I wanted to share a few things I've learned from being rejected in my life.
I've learned a lot about myself and about life through being rejected by boys.
A lot. I think the most valuable thing I've learned is how to speak my mind when I'm upset.
I've always been sort of a people pleaser.
And I've always erred on the side of caution when it comes to confrontation.
I have a tendency to feel upset or angry about a situation, and then to sort of gaslight myself into believing that I'm the problem.
I sort of... do that so that I don't have to bring shit up.
Because not only is it uncomfortable, But it's also scary because with confrontation can come rejection.
And there's always the risk that if you bring something up that somebody will think, You're overreacting.
You're being too sensitive. You're being this.
You're being that. I don't want to be with you anymore."
And that's terrifying. So I've always convinced myself out of confronting in romantic relationships until I learn the hard way that that doesn't work.
That leads to a lot of unhappiness. And that also leads to the demise of a relationship.
And I learned the hard way to speak my mind when I'm upset.
Not just in a romantic relationship, but in any situation, because if you don't You'll start to build resentment.
You'll start to build anger. And you could throw away a relationship that It has a lot of potential.
I've also learned through heartbreak with boys to never forget about friendship in the midst of a romantic relationship.
The feeling of being in love can be so overwhelming sometimes. that you can convince yourself that you don't need anyone else.
You don't need... other relationships. You only need this one relationship.
But what's bad about that is that you become too dependent on just one person for all of your social fulfillment.
And it's impossible for one person to live up to that expectation.
And it leaves that person no room to have space from you.
It also leaves you in a far worse position if you guys break up.
So never losing sight of the importance of friendship in a romantic relationship is so important.
You need to have friendship outside of your relationship.
And I learned that through some heartbreak.
I also really learned that everything happens for a reason.
I've gone through breakups in my life where I thought I was going to die like I actually thought I was gonna die I remember my first the first time I
I was heartbroken. I actually thought I was going to die.
And I know it sounds crazy. But this is a common experience.
A lot of people have a really hard time with their first heartbreak specifically because And I know I did.
And I thought I was never going to recover.
I was like, oh my God. This ruined my life.
My life is ruined. And now, years and years and years later, I'm like, holy shit, thank God.
Like... Thank God. By the way, like it's... Not to insult anyone, but...
Thank fucking God. You know what I mean?
Thank God that was not right. That wasn't the right situation for me.
And now I know that and how beautiful that is.
You know, everything happens for a reason.
That's okay. Everything happens for a reason.
It's a little bit, that's a tough statement. to believe in. and I'm not quite sure I believe in it across the board in life, but I would say in relationships, Everything happens for a reason.
Across the board in life, I don't know. I don't know about that.
But yes and no, maybe, I don't know. That's a little bit, that's a different topic.
But in relationships, everything happens for a reason.
And I've learned that through heartbreak as well.
I've also learned through heartbreak to focus on the now in a relationship.
It can be so easy to start building a future in your mind with somebody But I think that that can be dangerous at times.
I did that... most famously in my first relationship that I ever had.
I was like, one and done, getting married now.
Thank you. Why, I don't know. But I was so focused on my future with this person that I wasn't even looking at the present and the present wasn't great, right?
Like it wasn't. And me planning the future out with this person made the loss of the relationship so much more painful than it needed to be. there's so much value in just living in the now in a relationship, you know?
I also learned a lot through being rejected in various other areas of my life. like not getting on the cheer team that I wanted to get on one year. you know, not making the team not getting accepted into certain high school classes that I really wanted to be accepted into.
From those experiences, I learned that I need to be careful with the goals that I make for myself at times.
Because there was a period of my life when I made goals that were... completely unrealistic to a point where it was like, I don't have the skill level to to accomplish these goals right now, right?
I was almost expecting a miracle to happen or something.
And it's okay that I didn't have the skillset to accomplish those goals at those moments. you know, to get into the classes that I wanted to get into in high school or to make the higher level cheer team that I wanted to make.
You know, I didn't have the skill level for that.
And I learned that it is much healthier to do your best and then bloom where you're planted, you know?
Yeah. Rejection has taught me a lot in my life.
There's more than just those things, but we don't want to be here all day, do we?
We all have shit to do. I'm hungry. I actually, I'm hungry and need to go eat something.
So that's what I'm going to do. That's all I have for today.
I really appreciate you spending your time with me today.
It is always my pleasure. And I just love when we get to hang out.
Don't you just love it? I love it. If you enjoyed this episode, new episodes of Anything Goes every Thursday and Sunday.
If you want to check out Anything Goes Instagram, at Anything Goes.
If you want to check out my personal Instagram, At Emma Chamberlain.
If you want to check out my coffee company... go to chamberlaincoffee.com or at chamberlaincoffee on Instagram.
We have coffee, tea, accessories, anything you can imagine and you can use code AG15 for a little discount. on the website or you can go on our store locator online and see which stores near you carry Chamberlain Coffee. if there are any.
I had a matcha latte today, iced, iced matcha latte today.
It was delicious. That was my beverage of the day.
It's a little late in the evening to be drinking coffee, so I made a matcha.
That's all I have for today. Thank you all again for listening.
I really love and appreciate all of you who tune in.
I just can't wait to talk to you soon. Talk to you later.
Bye.
