What if I told you that the biggest thing holding you back from feeling confident, from walking into a room and owning it, from speaking your mind without that knot in your stomach, isn't what you think it is?
Look, we spend so much time trying to learn the right things to say the perfect body language, or even faking it till we make it, which for me is ultimate cringe.
But what if the number one reason that you lack confidence is actually much simpler and thankfully, much faster to fix than you ever ever imagined?
Stick around, because by the end of this video, you will know exactly what it is and how to start building genuine rock solid confidence, starting today.
Let's get into it.
Welcome.
If you are new here, this is the place where we decode the secrets to better social skills, unshakable confidence and becoming a more charismatic communicator.
And if you've been with us for a while, then welcome back.
All right, let's dive right in.
We're talking about that sneaky underlying reason why your confidence might not be where you want it to be.
You know that feeling, right?
Maybe you're hesitant before speaking up in a meeting or you dread going to social events, forget networking events.
Or perhaps you're just constantly second guessing yourself.
The number one reason most people lack deep, authentic confidence isn't lack of skill.
It's not a lack of experience and it's definitely not because you're inherently not a confident person.
It's permission or rather lack thereof.
Think about it.
How often do you wait for someone else to tell you that you're good enough, that you're smart enough, that you're interesting enough?
How often do you hold yourself back because you haven't been given the green light either by society, by your peers or even your own inner critic?
The inner critic, by the way, is a master at withholding permission.
It tells you that you're not ready, that you're probably going to fail, that people will judge you, that you'll be made fun of, that you'll be the laughing stock of your community.
It is a permission denying machine.
We are conditioned to seek external validation.
And from a young age.
It's Things like grades in school, praise from parents and now, more recently, likes on social media.
We learn to outsource our sense of self-worth and with it, our permission to be confident.
But look, here's the game changer.
True confidence is an inside job.
It starts the moment you decide to give yourself permission.
Permission to show up. permission to be imperfect permission to try.
And yes, even permission to fail and to learn from it.
Okay.
So that's the what.
Now for the how to fix it fast part, because I promised you fast, and I actually mean it.
This isn't about months of therapy though.
Maybe that can be valuable in certain contexts.
This is about a mindset shift that you can start implementing right now.
I've broken it down in steps to make it easier.
Step one, the permission audit.
This takes just a couple of seconds.
It literally takes 60 seconds right now.
So just grab a piece of paper, really just grab a piece of paper.
Pause this video or open the notes app on your phone.
And I want you to think about one specific area where you lack confidence right now.
What is it?
Maybe it's public speaking.
Maybe it's a networking event.
Maybe it's approaching new people or maybe it's sharing your creative work.
Whatever it is, Write that down.
Okay.
Feel free to pause here so that you can think about that.
All right.
So now I want you to ask yourself what am I not giving myself permission to do or be in this situation?
Are you giving yourself permission to stumble over your words?
Permission to not have all the answers?
Permission to be seen as a beginner?
Permission to be rejected?
Just write down whatever comes to mind and just by acknowledging these withheld permissions, you're doing something incredibly powerful.
It's kind of like shining a light on the invisible fences that you've built around yourself over time.
Step number two, the daily declaration of self permission.
Okay.
So this sounds a little bit formal, but just trust me, it works.
Every morning before you dive into your day, I want you to look yourself straight in the mirror.
Yes, actually look at yourself in the eye.
And say out loud, I give myself permission to be confident today.
I give myself permission to be myself, to be authentically me.
I give myself permission to try, to learn, to grow.
I give my permission, okay?
So those three things.
I give myself permission to be confident today.
I give myself permission to be myself.
I give myself permission to try today. learn and grow.
And you can customize this as however you like.
If you have a specific challenge, target it.
Like I give myself permission to speak up in that meeting today or I give myself permission to start that conversation with that person.
The key here is consistency because you are reprogramming your brain.
You are taking back the power from that inner critic and from the need for external validation, because you don't need external validation since you are validating you.
Think of how powerful that is.
Step number three, action with permission.
So this is the fast part.
This is where the rubber meets the road, okay?
Confidence isn't built by thinking, which you may have figured out by now.
It's built by doing.
But now you're going to go into action with a crucial new ingredient, which is self-permission.
So that thing that you identified in step one, I want you to take one small teeny, tiny action towards it today or tomorrow, and specifically giving yourself permission for it to be imperfect.
Don't have it go the way that it should, whatever that is to you.
Stumble, fail, do the hard thing and pick yourself up.
It's going to be imperfect.
Let it be imperfect.
So if it's public speaking, maybe you give yourself permission to just record yourself talking for one minute.
No one else has to see it.
Permission granted to sound awkward.
Or if it's approaching someone new, give yourself permission to just say hi and ask a simple, low stakes question.
Permission granted if the conversation doesn't flow perfectly.
Or if it's sharing your work with someone, give yourself permission to share it with just one trusted friend, permission granted if they don't absolutely love it.
The fast part comes because when you act with permission that you've given yourself, you short circuit the fear of judgment and the failure that normally completely paralyzes you.
You're telling yourself, it's okay.
I'm allowed to do this however it turns out.
And it's okay if it's not perfect.
In fact, I'm not expecting it to be perfect.
And let's not kid ourselves here.
This is not about suddenly becoming fearless and being able to do everything that you want to be able to do right away.
Rather, it's about acting despite the fear.
Doing the thing that scares you, doing it anyway, even if it scares you.
Doing it and acting it despite the fear, because you have given yourself the authority to do so.
And every time you take one of these permission-fueled actions, what ends up happening?
You build a little more evidence for your brain that you can do it, that you are capable, that you can do hard things.
And that, my friends, that is how genuine confidence grows from the inside out.
So, to recap, the number one reason that you might be lacking self-confidence is that you have not given yourself permission.
You're just waiting for an external green light that may never ever come or that you don't truly need.
The fix?
Audit your permissions.
What are you holding back?
Declare yourself permission daily.
Look in the mirror and tell yourself it.
Reprogram your mindset.
Act with permission and take those small, imperfect steps.
This isn't about a magic pill, but it's as close as you can get to a rapid confidence boost because it tackles the root cause.
It's about shifting your internal locus of control.
You become the gatekeeper of your own confidence.
Now, I want to hear from you.
In the comments down below.
Tell me one thing, just one thing, that you are going to give yourself permission to do this week.
Let's support each other.
If you see somebody in the comments who has something that they shared, be kind and respond to them.
Sharing it is a great first step in acting with permission and you're vocalizing it, right?
You're sharing it to the world.
And if you found this video helpful, you can.
Give it a thumbs up.
You can subscribe, if you haven't already, and hit that notification bell so that you don't miss out on the tips and the strategies that I share here to help you level up your social skills and your confidence.
Remember that you do not need anyone else's approval to be the confident, charismatic person that you are meant to be.
You just have to give yourself permission.
If you want more support and you want more strategies and self-paced courses that you can do on your own time from the comfort of your own home, and you want to join the live coaching sessions with me, where I will give you, where I also provide feedback, then you can join us in Exploring Academy by going to academyexploringco.
Hope to see you there.
