I heard you're in need of a reality check because you're putting all of this effort into growing, but you haven't factored in how untouchable you are.
I heard you're still giving people too much access.
You're letting validation run the show.
Your energy is leaking everywhere and you're not even aware of it.
And disclaimer before we start this reality check.
This has nothing to do with ego or being better than anybody else.
This is about self leadership.
Before we jump right into it.
This is your reminder to check out my guided journals, because this is really the key to being self-obsessed, manifesting your dream life, and just a reminder to focus on yourself so you stop wasting your time with other people and situations that do not serve you.
These journals have been completely designed and crafted by myself to factor in your glow-up journey and make it easier than ever, so you don't have to waste any more time reading all the books, learning all the skills, because there are so many tutorials and prompts within these that help you achieve all of the above.
And you can now get both in a discounted bundle.
And since we're on the topic of becoming untouchable, I'm so excited to announce that I've written two new in-depth chapters for my limited edition book release.
There's a chapter on how to enter your self-obsessed era and everything you need to know and learn so that you can become self-obsessed, along with another chapter on how to close the gap between your current and ideal self.
Really linking into everything we're talking about today, but within the book there's so many tools resources, exercises and knowledge that I've never shared on my YouTube before.
You guys can go check it out on Amazon via the link below in the description.
And once the book is gone, it's gone.
It's never coming out again.
There are only limited copies.
And lastly, a huge thank you to BetterHelp who are the paid partner of today's video.
I see so much content online and comments where people are talking about how they feel like they don't quite have the right support in their community or in their network.
Maybe they don't feel safe venting to their friends about anything they might have going on at home, or maybe they don't feel comfortable opening up and being vulnerable with their family members.
And then you feel stuck in this state where you feel lonely and you don't quite know where to turn to.
And this was me a few years ago.
But everything changed for me when I started my journey with BetterHelp around a year ago and I could not believe I didn't start it sooner.
Working with the right therapist that I got matched to straight away on BetterHelp changed everything for me, because I finally got to talk about my situation in depth, in detail, for the duration of each session, which was the longest time I had ever spent talking about this situation even to myself and actually getting into my deeper feelings.
By talking about my problem more and getting the right advice from my therapist, I was able to gain my own closure from the situation, without having to involve other parties from it, and actually feel better about the emotional pain I had from it, because I was finally paying attention to it and giving it the time and energy and emotional awareness it needed.
BetterHelp is so great because they're all about flexibility and doing what feels most comfortable for you.
So you can take your therapy sessions via video call, phone call, even text message, and you can arrange it completely around your own schedule.
When you go to the site, you just need to fill out their questionnaire, which will assess your needs so that you can get matched to a therapist that's best suited to you, in most cases, in 48 hours or less.
So you guys can use my unique link in the description to let 2026 be the year that you prioritize your emotions, your healing and your self-care.
Okay, what does being untouchable actually mean?
Because there's so much conversation around it online and it always revolves around dating, which is not the case.
Being untouchable is being unbothered unaffected, unfazed and untouched by other people's opinions, negativity and treatment of you.
It means you are uncontrollable by bad situations, which are inevitable and happen to the best of us, but you stay secure and peaceful internally because you actually have control over yourself.
It means that you are inaccessible by just anyone because your standards are too high for that.
And, most importantly, let's address the misconceptions, because being untouchable is not about being cold or hard.
It's about being so regulated and self-led that you're just picky with your time and your energy and your resources, and as you should be.
There's nothing wrong with that.
You can still be a happy, loving and open-hearted person and be untouchable at the same time.
The difference is, yeah, you're loving, but you don't overextend yourself.
You don't overthink.
You don't overshare.
You don't overtrust before it's even earned or matches your standards for your own life.
So my first tip with being untouchable is don't be messy.
Oh my God, I swear.
This generation has normalized crying online, getting into fights with other people online, fighting on their little keyboards in comment sections, responding to any hate they get, and it's so unnecessary.
You are letting everybody, even strangers on the internet, where you don't know what they look like or what their names are, touch you literally.
Reacting too much or getting overly emotional in public is so unnecessary.
It's like people have forgotten how to think before they speak or think before they post online.
And don't get it twisted, being untouchable is not about being unaffected.
It doesn't mean you're indifferent and you're never gonna have a feeling again.
It just means your emotional reactions are gonna be classier because you do them in private and you focus on yourself throughout it, which is what it should be.
It means your standards for yourself are high enough to know.
Even though emotionally I'm all the way up here and I want to react to this thing, I'm not going to let myself because I am always being self-loving and protecting my future self.
So in this moment I'm going to do what's a little bit hard remove myself from it, let myself calm down and process my feelings privately.
Even if to my ego it doesn't feel like the most comfortable choice, it's the correct choice to protect myself in the long run and to keep my promises and my standards to myself.
Because in this life you're gonna feel rejection and frustration and sadness and anger at situations and people.
That's normal.
But it's your responsibility to yourself to make sure that when those situations arise because they will it doesn't result in overthinking, in a spiral in self-betrayal and using it as an excuse to lower your standards, to settle and to not do what you say you're going to do.
Because emotionally immature people react and untouchable people respond.
They have control over their emotions, over their actions.
They decide where their energy and time goes and that is their superpower.
And this links into my next point, which is when you are untouchable, you don't let the bad stuff stick around in your life.
Because what makes someone untouchable isn't that nothing affects them, it's that, when things do affect them, it doesn't keep them down.
They've got things to do.
They've got happiness, abundance, fulfillment to create.
They're not gonna waste the whole day spiraling around pain that they could very well work through.
Because, think about it, the alternative is to let a temporary situation with temporary pain and emotions run their whole life, run their whole day, run their whole week.
Why would we do that?
You know you're gonna get over it eventually anyway.
Why not put in the work now to deal with it productively, actually process it, rather than dwell on the situation and develop a victim mentality, while you stay distracted from everything that actually matters to you and is going to contribute to building the life and self that you really want?
Untouchable people don't ruminate.
They don't replay conversations and situations in their head constantly because they know energy is everything and you gotta be so self-obsessed and so self-loving to acknowledge and spot when you are doing that and when you are going into those spirals because you're a human and you're gonna do that and to stop yourself in the moment.
To me, untouchable energy truly is all about resilience and self-protection.
This is your lovely little untouchable bubble, and outside of it is all of these things that are trying to break it down.
Annoying conversations, annoying people, terrible situations, things that didn't go your way, and they are constantly trying to pop it.
Every choice you make within this bubble determines whether it's going to be popped or not, whether you're going to react, whether you're going to make a decision you're going to regret later, whether you're going to allow bad vibes or bad people to have access to you and ruin your day or week as a result.
Let 2026 be the year that you stop being so emotionally available to all the chaos happening outside of here.
Because the best and highest form of self-respect is to remember that not everything deserves your attention.
Now, it goes without saying, of course, that untouchable people have pure confidence and aura, but this doesn't mean that that confidence has to be loud or take up a whole room or be performative.
It also doesn't mean that your confidence has to look like that person's version of confidence.
Confidence is being self-assured.
It's being secure in yourself.
It's not having to compete.
And that's going to show up differently in a bunch of different people, depending on your personality.
So step number one is to stop comparing yourself to other people, because when you're untouchable, you are untouched by what other people are doing, because you are so obsessed with yourself and your journey.
This untouchable confidence is about letting go the need to be liked, to be understood, to be approved of.
Once you hit that level, of course no one can touch you because you officially don't care about their opinions, their perceptions and their judgments.
And where does that come from?
That comes from a confidence in knowing who you are and what you deserve.
Once you know those two things, nothing anybody could say could rock your foundation, because you've already decided who the F you are and what you deserve and what opinions are true of you.
And this confidence really just goes back to internal authority.
Once you master this, this truly, this part is what I think makes you untouchable.
Not how many people you've dated or how many people get to talk to you.
Like truly internal authority, the control you have over your inner world.
Because listen, if your mood, confidence or direction changes based on how other people treat you, based on whether you get a text back, who compliments you, who ignores you, who talked to you, who didn't, why did they talk to me in this way?
Have they approved of me yet?
That makes you extremely touchable, because untouchable people.
They only ask themselves am i having a good time, do i feel good?
Do i approve of myself, my choices, my mindset, my values?
And it literally ends there.
And the way to get to that level of internal authority is self-trust.
It's keeping your promises to yourself.
It's doing what you say you're gonna do.
When you say you're gonna do it.
Once you start knowing i am who i say i am, i do what i say i'm gonna do, no one else's opinions could ever shake you.
That, paired with knowing all external circumstances, chaos has nothing to do with you.
It's not a reflection of you and what you're worthy of.
It's simply a projection of other people's stuff that they got going on.
How someone treats you, whether they ignore you, whether they approve of you, that is simply a reflection of their internal world and how they feel about themselves.
They are extremely touchable.
That's why they're outsourcing all of their inner mess to you.
You don't do that.
You're untouchable.
That's why you don't understand.
Why do people keep doing this?
Why are they treating me like this?
Because you can't relate.
And truly, you can't relate because you are self-loving.
And isn't that the key to everything?
Quite literally why I wrote an entire book about how to master self-love.
Because if I was queen of the world, if I was president, what would my number one thing be?
Teaching everybody self-love or magically waving a wand and making everybody love themselves more.
I truly think that is the answer to so many questions problems on a day-to-day basis.
So much chaos, so much hurt, so much neglect, so much pain in relationships and just a day-to-day basis.
If people love themselves, if they were self-obsessed, if they were confident they wouldn't be projecting on other people, they there wouldn't be bullying in schools, there wouldn't be online trolling and hate, so social media wouldn't have to be moderated as much, which then means social media could be a tool for people to learn and connect with one another.
Oh, this is a whole other video, though self-love.
Back to the point self-love isn't how kindly you speak to yourself on the bad days or how you feel about yourself on the good days, because you did everything you said you were going to do and you were super productive.
Yes, that is great, but really it's about how do you feel about yourself when your routine didn't go to plan.
Maybe you did a bit of self-betrayal.
Maybe you haven't been doing what you said you're gonna do.
Are you then gonna criticize yourself?
Are you gonna feel badly about yourself?
Are you gonna start adopting with these extra insecurities because your routine doesn't look perfect and things didn't go the way you said they were gonna go?
But sometimes that happens and life gets in the way.
When it does.
You still need to make the decision to be consistent in being self-loving when you're overwhelmed or feeling a bit insecure.
One day, are you just gonna revert back to people pleasing and just putting down your boundaries and being like okay, like this is just the easy thing and I don't really have the energy to like put my boundaries in now and I feel nervous because I'm in a new environment around new people so I can't really do this.
No, self-betrayal, that's not being self-loving.
Do you revert to people pleasing and dismissing your boundaries because the person that you like isn't acting the way that you want to, or because somebody is pulling away from you and not giving you the attention that you deserve?
So you think, by making yourself more palatable and shrinking yourself, that's the only way they'll like you.
No, wrong.
That is you chasing approval, chasing validation, betraying yourself and not being self-loving by dismissing your standards for the sake of somebody else, because of how they're treating you, which The way they're treating you isn't even a reflection of you or what you're worth, so it doesn't even make sense.
Essentially, are you going to abandon yourself when things get difficult and uncomfortable?
That, in my opinion, is the true definition of self-love.
I've said this to you guys before because I see so many comments about it.
You guys will be like oh, I don't know what to do on my self-love journey because I haven't been waking up early and I haven't been doing this and I haven't been achieving my goals.
That's one tiny slice of the self-love journey.
The real self-love journey is, yes, those things turn up, you still gotta be kind to yourself.
You still gotta give yourself grace and compassion and love, even though life isn't looking in the way that you want or you haven't been doing your little habits to achieve self-love, because the core of self-love is how you think about yourself and how you feel about yourself and how you treat yourself.
For example, do you give your time to rest or is your guilt so overbearing that you continue to overwork yourself and burn yourself out?
Do you speak up, stand up for yourself and stay honest, even if it's gonna cost you approval and validation and being liked by other people.
That's right.
Being self-loving and choosing yourself is extremely inconvenient at times, but that's the true challenge doing it even when it doesn't feel good.
Why?
Because untouchable people don't argue or negotiate with their self-love.
It is the number one priority, hour to hour, day to day, in every situation in their lives.
You choose yourself and you put yourself first.
Why?
Not because we don't care about other people and we wanna be selfish, because once we feel confident and once we love ourselves, we can show up to everybody else so much better.
Go back to my last point about me being queen of the world and making everybody love themselves more.
Why?
Because we'd all have unity and love and friendship with one another, because we're actually filling our own cups, meaning we can be better towards other people, and we're not projecting anymore.
Self-love is just one thing.
Self-obsession is an entirely different level.
It's like this.
Self-obsession is everything and it is a movement I'm so passionate about.
It's why I have a podcast about how to be self-obsessed.
It's why I have an entire in-depth video called the five laws of self-obsession.
It's why I'm re-releasing a limited edition of my book with an entire chapter on how to enter your self-obsessed era, because more people need to know about this.
It's like I have the secret to life and to happiness and to confidence, and not enough people know it.
And I get it, okay?
It's because everybody thinks self-obsession is this bad thing and nobody should do it and it means you think you're better than other people and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
But it's not, okay?
I'm all about healthy self-obsession, which is being obsessed with your self-care, your self-growth, your self-love, your self-belief, your self-worth and so on.
An untouchable person is so self-obsessed because they study themselves relentlessly for their own benefit and growth.
What are my triggers?
What are my patterns?
What are my energy levels?
Where am I leaking energy?
How could I improve?
Basically gaining so much knowledge in your self-discovery and just being fluent in the type of person you are, so you know how to deal with yourself, how to treat yourself and how to thrive every single day.
And it's so funny because it's like everybody does it in all their other relationships in their life, right.
Like you learn about your parents so you know how to talk to them and what they need from you.
Same in a romantic relationship.
People do this the most.
What does my partner need?
What is their love language?
And how can I show up for them in the way that they need?
Because that's what true love is, right?
Studying that person, understanding them, all the insignificant things that make them them.
So then I can treat them how they need to be loved, not just go off my rule book of how I need to be loved.
Same with friendships you're going to show up for them in the way that they need you to.
Why are we not doing this with ourselves?
You need to show up in the way that you need yourself to, but do you even know that information yet?
No okay, good.
That's why self-obsession comes into play, because you're so obsessed with validation and relationships and being liked by everybody else.
You're not obsessed enough with knowing what do i need?
How am i going to be fulfilled?
How do i feel loved?
Now, let me be so obsessed with that that i pour in all the time and energy to actually achieve that for myself, rather than allowing other people to do it for me, seeking validation from just about anybody.
And as time goes on and my cup is still not being filled, my standards get lower and lower and lower to just about get anybody into my life to meet my requirements of what's going to make me happy, because i still refuse to pay attention to myself, to give it to myself.
And that then means eventually, the pool of people that have access to me is larger and larger and larger and larger.
And that leads me on to my next step, about being untouchable, which means no more access.
Be so stingy with who and what gets access to you, because energy is your superpower, okay.
And you need to be so protective over it.
It determines your life.
It determines how you feel on a day-to-day basis.
It determines your relationship with yourself and what you actually have time for day-to-day, because if you are drained, if you're dealing with energy vampires, if you're stuck in a toxic relationship and you're still feeding into that, you don't have any energy to do all the things that actually benefit you on a day-to-day basis.
Self-betrayal right there.
All this means is be selective, and that's really easy to do once you set the high standards.
Okay, because then you're gonna meet people and you're gonna be like you're nice.
You could be such a nice great good funny, kind person, but i've got this whole list of standards about what's actually aligned to me and what i need your values mindset to be to enter my life and He filters all these people out, even though they're technically nice people.
Nice isn't enough.
Because the people you do allow into your life, they get the emotional access, they get your stories, they get your vulnerability.
So it has to be sacred.
And the easiest way to be consistent in this is to have non-negotiable standards.
Because the most touchable people, yeah, they explain themselves constantly.
They're always sorry and they're always people pleasing and they're always treading on their little tiptoes, trying not to bother anybody or be too loud or take up too much space or be too difficult.
They want to shrink themselves so that they're as easy as possible to deal with.
They over-explain their boundaries.
They think setting boundaries is a mean thing to do.
But the untouchable people move differently.
They're not going to argue with you.
They're not going to over explain.
And if you can't meet their standards of what they need, then they simply withdraw their time, attention and energy and go elsewhere or go into themselves, because they love themselves.
It's like, it's so fun here spending time with me.
And this is so important because your standards aren't what you say.
It's not what you explain.
It's how you act.
Okay.
And I've always said this, especially in relationships and dating, people are like.
You know how do I communicate?
This is what I want.
All the dating experiences I've had, I've never had to say a lot because my actions just match what my standards are.
So I never have to say it.
People just get it from how I act.
Like if I don't want something in my life, I'm not going to give into it.
People can tell I don't give into that.
I don't accept that in my life, so they won't do it with me.
Basically, your behavior needs to align with your boundaries and you need to do so courageously and confidently, and outwardly and loudly, every single day.
And then people are going to know whether they move more into you or just remove themselves out of the picture completely.
And with this comes your need to stop caring.
You can't care.
Every single time somebody decides that they don't wanna text you anymore, or they don't wanna date you anymore, or they don't wanna be your friend anymore, or this person doesn't like you as much anymore, or they've gone in a different direction, or they've outgrown you, or maybe they found a group of people that they get along with better because untouchable people.
They're completely okay and they completely understand why they might be left rejected misread, misunderstood.
They don't feel the need to correct other people's narrative and perceptions about themselves because that's got nothing to do with themselves.
I've said it before, everybody's perception of you is not about you.
They don't know you 100%.
The only person on this planet that knows you 100% is you.
It's not even your parents and your siblings.
Everybody's perception of you is mixed in with their biases, the way that they were raised, their values, their mindset, what their parents taught them, their worldview.
You who you are.
Their experience with you, which is also limited, only factors into a very tiny bit of that perception.
The rest of it is their beliefs, which is why everybody's perception of you is completely different and biased.
That's exactly why everybody says people's opinions of you are simply a projection.
It's not a reflection of you.
So do not care, okay?
You need to let people think what they want to think.
When I talk about not caring, it's not just about what other people think of you.
I also want you to stop caring when it comes to what other people are doing, aka stop comparing yourself.
Untouchable girlies do not do that, okay?
They are too self-obsessed for that.
You gotta be so self-obsessed that you don't care about societal standards.
You don't care about peer pressure.
You don't care about your friends.
Friends are doing what other people are doing, what's right to do by your age.
I see so much conversation online again about people who are like oh, I'm this age, but I haven't been in a relationship yet, or I haven't had my first kiss yet.
Is that normal?
Is that the right thing to do?
The only correct answer to that question is what do you think?
What is right for you?
What are your values and your beliefs and mindset?
Because you might be friends with somebody who had that first kiss at 13.
Nothing wrong with that.
You might not have your kiss till you're 23.
10 year gap.
So what?
If that's what aligns with you and what you want for your life, I don't see anything wrong with either situation, as long as you're being authentic to yourself and not comparing to what other people are doing and therefore changing your life path and your decisions to fit in with the crowd.
A crowd who's not going to be living your life and living with the consequences.
And I'm gonna give a really good example from my personal life here, okay.
In high school, I was super insecure.
So I was the example of seeing what everybody else was doing.
And if I wasn't experiencing that eg being in a relationship and whatnot, I felt bad about myself.
I felt like a loser.
On the other hand, My best friend then, and she's still my best friend now, she is so untouchable.
She's always had that natural confidence.
All throughout school, she never had a boyfriend.
Neither did I. Our circumstances were exactly the same, except I felt a whole way about it.
I cared.
I allowed it to dictate how I felt about myself.
She was completely unfazed.
Now I got into my first relationship at 17 with a guy that did not treat me right, was still in love with his ex, and it was just horrible okay.
She, no interest in dating.
So many guys liked her because she's gorgeous, like absolutely gorgeous.
She gave no Fs.
You know why?
And I didn't know this at the time.
I know it now looking back, but she had her standard set.
She knew exactly what she wanted.
Mostly, she just wanted to focus on herself, so she did that.
And even though guys were literally chasing her, not fazed at all, okay?
She always had that confidence from the start.
She waited.
She saw everybody else doing all these things, but she didn't let it affect her.
She was unbothered.
She was untouchable.
She stayed true to herself.
By age 23, I'd been in multiple relationships.
She had never been in one.
She met her perfect person who treats her so amazing the first time around.
She waited.
She didn't let what other people were doing sway her and she got exactly the results she wanted.
And while she waited for that result, she focused on herself, poured into herself and had a very peaceful life.
In comparison to me, that was having to deal with bad guys for many years on end.
She didn't let just about anybody have access to her, and that's why her time didn't get wasted and her energy didn't get wasted, or her emotional stability or insecurities or confidence or self-love didn't get affected by people that couldn't treat her right.
The lesson here.
The coolest, most confident self-loving, self-obsessed and touchable women focus on themselves until they find a partner, a friend, a colleague, whatever that is worthy of their time respect, attention and energy.
Until then, they are not available.
So really, I think the biggest lesson and takeaway in all of this is if you really want to be untouchable, if everything I've said in this video, you're like yes, I want a bit of that energy in 2026.
I think that's going to make my life easier and more peaceful.
Then ask yourself this daily.
What am I about to give emotional access to eg a person an opportunity, a situation, a frustration, a problem, and has that thing earned it?
Eg.
A toxic friend, a bare minimum partner, a situation that is so beneath your standards you shouldn't even be reacting to it.
A troll on the internet.
If the answer to that question is no, pull your energy back.
And that brings us to the end of this video.
This was such a fun reality check to film, guys.
I loved it so, so much.
I think this is such an important lesson to take away.
And I can't believe I've never spoken about it before.
It's honestly been such a huge part of my journey because I grew up being that teenager that didn't have those standards for herself, didn't have any self-love, didn't have any competence.
And I've had to go on this journey to get it.
So I've definitely seen both sides.
And as somebody who definitely started from rock bottom, I'm here to tell you what's achievable and you can do it, and I think it's so beautiful to even embark on the journey of going from zero to a hundred and seeing how much your life transforms once you are able to develop this relationship with yourself and this self-love.
Comment down below let me know where are you about in this journey?
I would love to know and engage with you guys and reply to you in the comments and, in the meantime, feel free to check out all the links below in the description, because there are so many resources and things I create there that are specifically designed to help you on the journey that I talk about all the time on my channel, which is becoming the woman of your dreams, closing the gap between your current and ideal, self healing, becoming self-loving, becoming successful all things I've embarked on a journey on and I've learned so much from it, and truly my mission in life is to make sure that that journey isn't as long for you, because I've learned those things over the last few years.
And I want to continue passing that knowledge on to you so you don't waste time making the same mistakes that I once made.
Anyways, that brings us to the end of this video.
Thank you so much for being here and watching.
I appreciate you and I'll see you next week for a new one.
Bye.
Literally have eyeliner on my hand.
That's great.
And you can arrange it completely.
Let 2026 be the year that you stop being so-
