This message is brought to you by Wealthfront savings should feel like progress, not pressure.
But money is a huge source of stress for many of us.
That's where Wealthfront Cash Account comes in.
You earn 4 annual percentage yield on uninvested cash from program banks with no account fees and can withdraw instantly to eligible accounts for free.
No stress, no guesswork.
Wealthfront helps you grow your money over time while helping to protect your mental space.
Right now, get a $50 bonus with a $500 deposit into your first cash account.
Get started at Wealthfront.com slash Headspace.
This is a paid endorsement of Wealthfront.
Cash account offered by Wealthfront Brokerage, LLC.
Member FINRA, SIPC and is not a bank.
Apy on deposits as of december 27 2024 is representative, subject to change and requires no minimum.
The cash account is not a bank account.
Funds are automatically swept to program banks where they earn the variable apy bonus offer.
Terms and conditions apply.
For more information, visit wealthfrontcom headspace.
I bet a lot of you have a dream business you're waiting to build.
But those what ifs creep in like what if it fails?
What if I can't scale it?
That's exactly where Shopify changes the game.
Their point of sale system connects your in-store and online operations into one simple command center across up to 1000 locations.
They make shopping seamless, whether it's shipped to customer endless aisle or buy online and pick up in store.
And with data and personalization, Shopify helps you keep the customers you worked so hard to earn.
Businesses using Shopify POS see lower costs and nearly 9 better sales growth compared to the competition.
Turn those what ifs into why nots and keep giving those big dreams the best shot with Shopify.
Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com slash headspace.
Go to shopify.com slash headspace, shopify.com slash headspace.
Hello, everyone.
I am so excited because today, on Dear Headspace, Eve and I will be answering your questions about falling back into thoughts of an ex, what to do when you feel stuck in your life but also feel a lot of pressure about your future.
And surprisingly, we will be chatting about gardening.
I'm not kidding.
Is it stress reducing or is it stress enhancing?
And I am going to tell you that this city girl will need Eve's thoughts on that one.
Have you ever wished you had a wise meditation teacher on speed dial?
Someone you can call after a long day.
Someone you could lean on for their advice.
Someone to listen and help you to see things differently.
Welcome to Dear Headspace, a podcast where I sit with a meditation teacher and we answer your questions.
Hi, friends.
And I have to say, hi, Eve.
It's been, as the kids used to say, a hot minute since we were together.
Hey, Robin.
Yes, I know.
It's been a few months, but it's really nice to be back.
It is nice to see you.
I mean, you've had a few couple of months.
I mean, I don't want to say bad, but you've had some months.
Oh, I would use the word bad.
Yeah, my mom passed away in June of And it's been awful, actually.
Very, very difficult time.
But I was extremely grateful to be back home with her, to care for her in her final weeks and to be with my sister and just process it all really.
Unfortunately, I have been here before.
My dad passed away five years ago.
So it's been a time, but I am so grateful to everyone's love and support and kindness and understanding.
And it's just been honestly.
It's been amazing how many people have reached out, especially on Instagram, and have sent me messages sharing their own experiences.
And I just want to extend my heart to anyone who is going through this.
On the other side, though, it's nice.
It is nice to be back.
It's nice to have a bit of structure again.
It's nice to get back in to work.
My parents were very proud of the work I do.
So, yeah, I'm excited for today.
Well, I just want to say thank you for sharing with everyone, because you sharing something may help someone else share.
So I appreciate that you did talk about that with us.
And I am just really excited that you're here today and that you're back and that we are getting into some really incredible listener questions, because we've got some really fantastic ones.
And I'm going to start right away with our first one from David.
Let's get into it.
Dear Headspace, my name is David and I'm from Colombia.
Three months ago, I had a breakup, a really big one, and I've been recovering from it every day.
I've been using meditation to be able to get to know myself better and to build myself again.
Every day I'm making progress, but there are some days where I feel like I'm not making any or that I'm going back to my old ways of thinking about the person and wishing they were back here.
At random times, they pop into my mind and they cloud my day.
And I find myself thinking about them and imagining what could have been.
I need really help with this.
Thank you.
I mean, what's so interesting about this show, Eve, is that.
That in no way, shape or form was planned.
But that question is such an echo of what you're talking about, about losing your mom, about that loss and grief.
And so I want to start off with what you think about what David's saying, because I think you are right there, right now, in a different way.
But it's so similar.
Yeah.
I mean, I just want to say first off David, I'm really sorry that you've gone through a really difficult breakup.
Breakups can be really hard and they can have a big impact on our mental health, our well-being.
You know, we often talk about grief and loss as if it just applies to a death.
And obviously the end of a relationship will understandably trigger feelings of grief.
You may be grieving the loss of the companionship, the support that that person provided, shared experiences and obviously, future plans.
And suddenly that is now ended.
And I think...
Try not to force the process too much.
I mean, this is something that I'm telling myself as well.
A lot is you know, there'll be days when you feel more together, where you feel more focused, that you can move forward, that you will get past this.
And of course, there'll be days and moments when it doesn't feel that way.
So I think really allow yourself to heal and understand that it will take some time.
I think that's such an interesting point.
And I also think going back to something you said a little bit earlier is there can be a grief, a loss of something you thought you were going to have, a future that you thought you were going to have.
And I don't think that's a small thing.
I remember when my longest girlfriend prior to my wife, Got married.
And because we're lesbians, we went to the wedding because that's just what you do.
And and I was single and I remember like sobbing afterward.
And there was no part of me that thought oh, that's a person I should be back together with, or that that wasn't the right thing.
But there was a loss for just something that that wasn't.
Well, exactly.
It's normal to think like, what could have been?
It's that what if scenario that we can play out in my mind.
And even though I know it's not particularly helpful, I'm still finding myself because my mom was ill, she had cancer.
Going to that rumination of could I have done something differently.
If only I'd done this, it might have had a different outcome.
And Of course, my situation, your situation, David, very different.
But I think in your case I know this is a really hard one, but the relationship did end for a reason.
And of course, you haven't shared the causes of the breakup.
And especially if it wasn't your decision.
I think it can be easy to think about all the good things about the person and forgetting that they're not perfect.
And so when I was hearing your question and your situation, I was thinking well, maybe it would be helpful to potentially write down all the things about the relationship, about the person, that weren't feeling good for you.
Yeah, that didn't feel right, and it's not not doing this exercise to, you know, be really mean or harsh about the person, but instead just having a bit more of a logical way in which to process the loss in knowing that the relationship did end for possibly several reasons.
Yeah, it's like a reframe.
You know, it's looking at it and saying, like, am I looking at this with rose colored glasses?
Am I remembering something that wasn't?
You know, it's like it's not a burn book.
You're not you're not just like writing horrible things about the person.
But, you know, just oh, I wasn't necessarily happy with that.
And I think I would even add an extension out of that Eve of like well, now that that ended what maybe, what wasn't I getting that?
Now there's an opportunity.
Like what?
I don't know.
What is it when one door closes, a window opens or whatever that saying is?
I'm sure it's different or better than that.
I think you said it perfectly.
And I think David, the fact that you shared that you've been finding that meditation's been really helpful in terms of helping you to get to know yourself.
It's also a really great practice when it comes to how we show compassion to ourselves and actually also forgiveness.
I think we can quite often in a breakup, go to a place of blame like I didn't do these things and therefore this relationship ended and it's my fault.
So maybe when you're thinking about and reflecting on the aspects of the relationship that weren't serving, you also think about all your amazing and wonderful and brilliant qualities that you could then take forward in a different relationship.
And to add on to what you're saying Eve, it's also like I don't know, maybe it's some.
It's Because sometimes in a relationship we can lose ourselves.
And you know.
That's why I love that you brought up journaling and like the meditation side of practice, because it's like it's a great time to get reconnected with yourself as well.
Yeah.
And I think, David, try not to be too hard on yourself.
You are doing a lot of really supportive practices and the ways in which you are approaching this breakup sounds really that you're coming from a place of acceptance and recognizing that it is a difficult path that you're on.
So really allow yourself to feel like it is okay to be sad and try not to bottle that up too much.
And I think this is where self-compassion is really important.
And actually Dora, who's one of the other amazing teachers and my good friend.
She went through a very difficult breakup and, as a result, created a course called Healing After a Breakup, which is in the app.
So I do recommend checking that out.
And something that I've touched on, but she very much focuses on in this course, is that grief and loss is not a linear process.
And so think about how would you comfort a friend who is going through this and try and direct some of that kindness and that compassion to yourself and continue with your meditation practice.
I think the more that you develop emotional awareness, the better able you will be to ride those waves when they come in, recognizing when strong and difficult feelings arise and accepting them rather than trying to, you know, push them away or view them as something that's negative.
And speak with friends, you know, do seek support, be kind to yourself and just give yourself time.
Absolutely.
And I would also add maybe time to join some new activities and keep busy and just change the scenery.
I think all of those things are helpful.
Yeah.
And do things that you really enjoy, that maybe you didn't feel you could do and you were together possibly.
You know you have complete freedom to make your own choices, which is scary but also quite liberating as well.
I remember having my own choice, Eve.
Do you remember that?
I don't.
I don't.
So go forth, David.
Do what we can't do.
Please go do all the single things that I can't do, because my kids and my wife are holding me hostage in this house.
Thank you.
Help me, please.
I'm just kidding.
I love them very much.
But thank you, David.
Thank you so much for your question and for your vulnerability.
And it's all going to get better.
It is.
Okay.
All right.
Let's go to our next question.
And I am super excited.
It is our gardening question from Louise.
Here we go.
Hey, Headspace.
I'm Louise.
I'm from the UK.
I've been gardening now for a couple of years.
So my garden used to have fake grass, like a fake lawn.
But I took the fake grass away and laid a very lovely lawn and flowerbed which I take a lot of pride in.
I find gardening really helps with my well-being.
My dad passed away five years ago.
There's been some conflicts between my mum and my brother and that's been quite difficult for me, to be honest, to be in the middle of.
But actually I'm finding sometimes that the gardening itself can actually be quite stressful because obviously you're trying to keep all of the plants alive.
You feel like you're a big failure if something dies or if you do something that's wrong or if your seeds aren't coming through.
So I suppose just some tips really to just try and stay grounded and present and understand that this is all part of nature, all part of life.
Yeah, so that would be really helpful.
Thank you so much for listening.
Thanks for your question, Louise.
I have to admit Eve.
At first, when she said some tips, I was like is she thinking we're going to be able to give her gardening tips?
Because I can't keep a plant alive?
Like if someone paid me, I'd be like, I'm in trouble.
I too was hoping that I'm not being asked for my gardening advice.
Actually, that was my mum was the one person I would always go to for gardening advice.
So I can't necessarily help you there.
But I think what Louise has so beautifully summarized is that life is impermanent and that we encounter many, many ups and downs along the way.
You know, In life there is love but also loss, and there is joy but also sadness.
And I think what you're describing Louise, is actually a beautiful way in which you can connect with nature.
You said yourself.
I recognize that this is part of nature and that the circle of life means that nothing lasts forever, and trying not to be too rigid and there's a saying in meditation not too tight, not too loose.
And so recognizing that you know, sometimes you can do all the things that you know the instructions say and of course we can't guarantee the weather, but But sometimes things in life don't go the way we plan.
And it can mean that we end up maybe applying too much effort.
We can be too strict about the process.
And that in itself can create some of the tension.
And unfortunately, things will not always go the way we hope.
But trying to be kind with yourself in that process.
You know, I also.
I wish Louise was here so we could ask her, because it's like I hear in the question a bit of perfectionism.
Like these were the instructions.
I must do them perfectly.
If I don't, I'm a failure versus getting into the process.
Like.
This feels to me like the whole basis of meditation which is being in the moment, versus trying to do it right.
Yeah, I mean, I think it's really wonderful that you have been using gardening as a way to manage stress and also, you know, process the loss of your dad.
And I'm really, really sorry to hear that.
You know, losing a parent can really take such a huge toll on a family.
But with mindfulness, it's really a practice of being present with what it is that you're doing.
So I think you could really use the experience of being in your garden as a practice.
Being really present with you know the soil in your hands, you know feeling the warmth of the sun on your skin if it's sunny, of course, if it's gray and cloudy, but just appreciating the sounds of nature.
You know, there's an analogy that's often used in meditation, which is called planting a seed.
And when it comes to meditation uh, you know, it takes a certain amount of commitment.
There is an intention that is required.
And so the seed is our intention.
You know that commitment that we're making and taking to take care of ourselves and others.
So of course, in the garden, your intention is to cultivate a lovely space.
But of course, much like a garden, you know, our practice needs that warmth.
So of course, our seeds need sunshine.
And so we need that kind of understanding and compassionate mind that, when things don't go according to plan, we can practice some self-compassion.
But we also need to be consistent.
You know, we do need to show up.
We need to show up for ourselves.
And, of course, in the garden.
It does take some practice and it takes some consistency and it takes a lot of patience.
And so I think just that's a really beautiful way in which you can think about how you approach this.
Like, am I really trying too hard?
Am I being too rigid with this process?
Is it becoming unenjoyable?
Yeah.
And of course, you mentioned it's maybe becoming a bit stressful.
And so you know, using that process as much as you can to learn about yourself and learn about The different needs of your flowers and your plants, and just recognizing that unfortunately, not everything in life will bloom.
Yeah.
And I think that applies to ourselves and that applies to others.
And of course, it applies to plants and flowers.
Louise's question is like the most perfect metaphor for everything we talk about on this show.
It's really wonderful.
And you know, and I just wonder too and this is just a question, because again Louise isn't here but like was it set up so big that it became overwhelming?
You know, could it be pared down a little bit so that it is enjoyable?
Because it, you know, because it is supposed to be a thing that you enjoy, right?
Yeah.
And I think just in addition to that is it can be really easy to just focus on the outcome and not what it took to get there.
And that really we can apply that to so many aspects in our lives and, I think, particularly when it comes to nature.
It's a really great reminder that we're all interconnected and that there is this cycle of life and death.
And so of course it will be disheartening when say, your sweet peas don't flower when you want them to.
But also recognizing the impermanence of things.
Just because it didn't work out the first time, maybe it will the next time and it will be a different experience.
I love that.
I love that, Eve.
It's like everything you're saying is about coming away from the outcome and going back to the experience, whether it's bringing her family in, whether it's, you know, not being tied to how it comes out, and her sweet peas that we now believe she has.
I love it.
That was just that's fantastic.
Thank you so much for your question, Louise.
We really appreciate it.
It was a wonderful metaphor.
I was like, that's a fantastic question.
Yeah.
And I think just have faith in yourself, you know, in the question that you asked.
You have a lot of the answers yourself.
Yeah.
All right.
It is time for our last question, which I'm sad to say, from Laura.
Hello, this is Laura, from Italy, and my question is related to what should we do when we feel a little bit stuck in our lives and when we also feel pressure coming from different sources?
So to give a little bit of background, I just finished my PhD and I've been traveling a lot because of my studies.
So right now I'm a little bit exhausted.
However, at the same time, I need to find a job.
And because the economic situation in Southern Europe is not very good, it is very possible that I will have to find a job elsewhere abroad.
And this is a be concerning for me, because I just do not feel like I am in the space to make such decision right now.
So this is one thing.
And the second thing is that, as a woman who is approaching her 30s, I feel a lot of pressure coming from just my surroundings to marry and have kids.
And although I try not to, of course, concentrate on their discourse, it is very hard to concentrate on what I'm feeling and what I want right now in life.
So any suggestion would be really greatly appreciated.
Wow.
OK, so there was a lot in that question.
We have approaching 30.
We have I need to find a career.
I'm not sure about the economics in this country.
I'm feeling pressured to be married and have children.
Like each and every one of those things, you could actually hear it in her voice.
Just you know the cadence of pressure that Laura is feeling externally and internally within herself.
I mean, that is that's a big question.
Yes.
Well, first of all, congratulations on completing your PhD.
What an undertaking.
But gosh, it sounds like you are carrying such a heavy weight, several pounds heavyweights.
This pressure to do the perceived right thing can be so so, incredibly heavy.
And so we're going to make some suggestions, but also we're very aware we don't live in Italy.
So I just want to preface that.
Please take what we recommend with what you feel is achievable, manageable, possible.
And our hope is that there are some options there that can help guide you in making some of these decisions.
But of course, only do what feels right and safe for you.
I think self-reflection matters. could be a really great practice for you at the moment.
It feels like there's a lot that's jumbled up in your mind and you almost can't quite.
It's almost like you're gasping for air.
It won't necessarily provide you with a set of clear answers straight away, but perhaps because you've been away doing your PhD, just taking a bit of time to really think about Your desires for your future, you know your values, you know what do you want to get out of your life.
And it might be helpful to think about it in some short term goals, in a way, and maybe some longer term ones.
Maybe what is in the next three months?
What do I want to try and achieve?
And that could help give you a bit of structure for thinking about some of the longer term ones.
Because it sounds like getting a job is sounds like it's quite a priority.
So maybe focusing on that first and thinking about OK, how am I going to make that happen in a way that doesn't feel so overwhelming?
And just also recognizing that just because you start one job, it doesn't mean that's the only job that you do for the rest of your life.
It literally could just be, right, this is just getting me through the next few months.
Yes.
This feels like the most perfect moment for when you all are always saying stop.
But as I call it in my really professional terms, the stop thing.
The stop practice.
So where you, quite literally, you know when you're in this pattern of feeling, very overwhelmed with thoughts, your emotions, all these decisions that you have to make.
Because when we're stressed and in that sort of anxious state, it can be hard to think more logically and more rationally.
You know, we're in that kind of fight flight.
I don't know how to solve all these problems.
Everything's coming at me so quickly.
And so just literally stopping, taking a few deep breaths.
You know, just observing, OK, what is around right now?
And that also might be a helpful time to write some things down so that you can Get out the jumble in your mind onto some paper.
And then that in turn might help you move forward with some actionable next steps.
And I think really lean on your community, on your friends, on your family.
Seek that support where needed.
You know you may find that some other friends or family members are going through a similar experience and you can support each other through the process.
Of course, things like working with maybe it's a careers counsellor or a coach, someone that could help unjumble some of the challenges that you're feeling or possibly with a therapist or who might be able to help you sort of logically work through, okay, the plans that you may have and also allow you some space to really explore your feelings about what it is that you want to do work-wise.
Like, how do you feel about having children?
You know, the pressures of society can often make us feel like because, as a woman, we should have children.
And that's the one thing we should do.
But just think about how do you really feel about that?
And you don't have to answer it immediately.
No.
And recognize that what you feel right now may change.
And that's okay.
I think it's.
What's really good that you're saying is that there's like almost two things that are going on.
There's all the feelings and stuff that are mixed up with the expectations.
And then there's the stuff that needs to happen.
Yes.
Exactly.
And also something that's come up in all of the questions today is this idea of impermanence.
You know nothing in life, whether it's material things, whether it's our thoughts, our emotions, certain jobs and, of course, our own selves, lasts forever.
Yeah.
And so I think, just being really compassionate with yourself and also setting some boundaries with yourself but also with with other people, not feeling like you have to succumb to external pressures or societal expectations, you know, I think that's getting really comfortable and confident with how you feel about certain things yeah, and also know that you, you have some time.
I know turning 30 might sound like panic, but I promise you you have some time.
You have some time to change things over multiple times.
So try not to put too much pressure on yourself, because it sounds like you're feeling a lot of external pressures.
So the more you put on your shoulders will only add to those external pressures.
Thank you so much, Laura, for that question.
And you know, what's so interesting to me Eve, is there were so many themes that appear, you know, like when we go through and pick the questions, we just are like well, this would be an interesting question.
And it always shows up that there's some underlying theme, and they were all so true to what we started off talking about today.
And I always find that really fascinating.
Yes, there's definitely been some consistent themes throughout, particularly with David and Laura's questions feeling like they need to find answers to these big life changes that are happening immediately and recognizing that it is going to be a process.
It won't always be be easy, but also trust your own instincts.
Yep, as we bring our conversation to an end, i wanted to share some suggestions for some courses that might be helpful for folks, given the topics that we've been discussing.
So I shared the healing after a breakup course.
And we also have some beautiful content in the app designed to be done in nature.
So we have a gardening course single and we have a few mindful guided walks as well in the app, so I would definitely recommend checking those out as well.
That's amazing.
All right well, I want to say a huge thank you to David, Louise and Laura for your questions today.
So if you are at home, I don't know maybe you're on the spin bike and you're listening and you have a burning question.
I am going to say first, please get off of the spin bike, safety first.
But then I want you to go to sayhi.chat slash Dear Headspace to record your question.
And if we use that question on the show, you're going to get three months of Headspace for free, which is a pretty good deal, if you ask me.
I think it's brilliant.
And I love that aspect of this show that we're really sharing the Headspace love with our members.
Absolutely.
And speaking of exciting things, we've built in some time at the end, as we always do, so that you have the opportunity to just really sit and absorb what you've heard.
Or you can use this time to transition into the next part of your day.
And today we're leaving you with the sounds of a crackling fire.
So it's really a moment to let your mind do whatever it wants to do.
So till next time, stay happy, stay healthy and be kind to yourself and to others.
Thank you.
Dear Headspace is a Headspace Studios original podcast.
It's produced by Robin Hopkins, Ash Jones, and Scott Sorenson.
It's executive produced by Morgan Selzer, Sarah Cohn, Barron Farmer, and Danny Krissamy.
Our production coordinator is Taylor Jennings-Brown.
It's hosted and produced by Robin Hopkins, Kaysonga Giscombe, Dora Kamau, Samantha Snowden, Eve Lewis Prieto and Rosie Acosta.
Post-production is by Dan Kroll.
Music is by Scott Sorensen and Chris Mergia.
And a special thanks to Colleen Lutz.
Here we have the Lemu Emu in its natural habitat, helping people customize their car insurance and save hundreds with Liberty Mutual.
It's accompanied by his natural ally, Doug.
Uh, Lemu?
Is that guy with the binoculars watching us?
Cut the camera.
They see us.
Only pay for what you need at libertymutual.com.
Liberty, liberty, liberty, liberty.
Savings vary.
Underwritten by Liberty Mutual Insurance Company and affiliates excludes Massachusetts.
