I've got a show to recommend that I genuinely think you and your kids are going to love.
It's called Lightcatchers, a brand new award-winning cinematic audio adventure from the team behind Batman, High Volume and Story Pirates.
If your house is into pinna favorites like Grim Grimmer, Grimmest or Hero Hotel, this is absolutely your next play.
Stick around for a preview at the end of this episode.
Then search Lightcatchers wherever you get your podcasts.
Hi, my name is Adam Gidwitz.
I'm an author.
I'm also a storyteller.
I like telling all kinds of stories, but I especially like telling grim fairy tales.
You may think you know grim fairy tales, and you may think that they are sweet and boring.
But listen, those tales you heard were the cute, happy little kid bedtime versions of the grim tales.
The original grim fairy tales aren't like that at all.
They're weird and sometimes gross and often scary.
In other words, they're grim.
And I'm about to walk into a classroom and tell one of the original grim, grim tales to a bunch of kids.
Do you want to join me?
Do you want to hear a grim fairy tale?
Let me help you decide.
On a scale of grim, grimmer, and grimmest, the story I'm going to tell today is grim.
It's not really scary at all, and it's only kinda weird.
But there is some pretty mean name-calling from a super-duper not-nice guy.
If I get to a part of the story and you start to feel scared or uncomfortable, this is what you could do.
You could turn down the volume and count to five, then turn the volume back up.
If it still seems like a part you don't want to hear, just turn the volume down and count to five again.
You know how much weird and gross and scary you're ready for.
You know what you need.
Okay, I'm at the classroom door now.
There are kids inside, waiting to hear a grim fairy tale.
So, are you coming in?
Grim.
Grimmer.
Grimmest.
All right, this story is called Princess Parrot.
Once upon a time there was a prince who was as handsome as any man in the world, but he was so proud and stuck up that no one was good enough for him to marry.
He rejected one woman after another, and what's worse, he'd make fun of them.
The prince was followed around by a group of young men, lords and earls and dukes, who wanted to please him.
The group of men always laughed at the prince's jokes and never told him off.
There are many good words for a group like this.
Sycophants, somebody who follows you around and does anything you say.
Lackeys, courtiers, yeah, are there other names for people who follow you around?
Cronies.
Cronies is good, yeah.
Followers.
Followers.
Entourage?
Entourage.
Yeah, they're like an entourage.
They're his posse.
Exactly.
You guys nailed it.
I'm going to go with followers.
Who said followers?
I'll use followers.
One day, the prince's father, the king, organized a ball and invited all the unmarried women from miles around to attend, in the hopes that the prince would finally choose a bride.
The prince demanded that the women stand in a line from the poorest peasants to the richest princesses.
Then he walked down the line, giving his opinion on each woman as his followers walked behind him.
You're making a face.
What do you think of that?
It's just weird because they're just like walking down a line of girls just looking at them to tell about their opinion.
Yeah, not a great thing to do.
He's kind of like judging a book by its cover.
He's like, okay, nope, nope, nope.
Exactly.
Nope, nope.
When the prince saw the peasant girls, he pointed at their poor clothes.
To one he said, Did you dress up as a scarecrow on purpose?
It's not a costume ball.
His followers all laughed.
For the merchant's daughters, he pointed at their hairstyles and dresses and said, How fancy!
Do you pretend to be noble women every day or just today?
His followers laughed some more.
He's mean, right?
He's evil.
He's evil, I agree.
When the prince got to the noble women, daughters of lords and earls and dukes, he laughed at each one.
How proud you look.
Are you a girl or a peacock?
And... Oh, this one's so humble.
Like an earthworm.
Hello, you're wearing so much makeup.
Are you a clown?
Each time his followers laughed louder.
Know anybody like this?
Don't say their names.
Anybody who, like teases other people.
And other people laugh you do.
I knew people like that when I was growing up and there were times when they made fun of me and there were times and I'm ashamed to admit this when I was one of their followers and I laughed yeah, because it felt easier to laugh with them than have them laugh at me.
But now I'm ashamed that I did it As the prince.
I should be right.
As the prince teased more women and his followers laughed harder, the prince's father, the king, grew angrier and angrier about the prince's behavior.
Finally, the prince came to the last woman, a young and clever princess who had recently inherited a kingdom not too far away.
The prince looked at her.
She was very beautiful.
He took her chin and turned her face to the side.
He laughed and said, She has a nose like a parrot!
Which wasn't entirely true, but if you tried you could sort of see how it looked like a parrot's beak.
Princess Parrot.
I don't think I'll be marrying you.
And his followers repeated Princess Parrot, Princess Parrot, until everyone in the court was calling her that.
Princess Parrot turned away, blushing scarlet.
Oh, a red parrot, cried the prince, and everyone laughed harder.
The king was furious.
He grabbed the prince by the ear.
The king growled at the prince.
I swear you shall marry the first woman willing to take you.
You shall be her husband and do just as she says.
Well, the prince was embarrassed at this display in front of all their guests.
My father is like a tea kettle, he said to his followers.
He gets steamed up, but once he pours himself out, he's all right again.
His followers chuckled nervously.
But the king said, Try me, my boy.
You shall marry the first woman who wants you, and you shall do exactly what she says.
And if you don't, I will have you hanged.
He deserves it.
And the king sent everyone home.
Well, the prince didn't believe his father.
But a few days later, a lady jester came to the palace.
What's a jester?
Like a clown.
Yeah.
Like entertains people.
Exactly.
And is one of the only, is like the only person alive to make fun of the king.
Totally.
So true.
She was ragged and dirty from traveling on the road, but she had a sharp wit and a quick tongue and she made the king laugh.
She had a red parrot in a cage who spoke and sang.
Yes?
Yes.
Maybe it's the same person that was called a red parrot.
Interesting idea.
Once the lady jester's performance was over, the king slapped his knee and announced, You know what?
I'd like to give you my son, the prince, as your husband, if you'll have him.
He will leave the palace and never come back and live as you do, a poor jester's husband.
What do you say?
The lady jester looked the handsome prince up and down.
He'll have to follow my lead and do as I tell him, she replied.
It's harder to survive as a poor jester than as a rich prince, the king said.
He will do anything you tell him to, and if he does not, I shall have him hanged.
How does that sound?
Thumbs up.
Perfect solution.
And so the lady jester agreed.
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The priest was called and the prince and the lady jester were married then and there.
The lady jester took the prince by the hand and led him from the castle.
As they began to walk down the road, the prince sneered at the jester.
You don't have a carriage to ride in?
But the jester said...
What, your feet are too fancy to touch the road?
Her parrot laughed, and the jester added, You'll just have to walk like the rest of us do.
So they walked and walked and walked.
Soon the prince became tired.
He whined, Can't we sit and rest for a moment?
But the jester replied You can stop and rest if you want to, but night is coming and a fancy boy like you will likely get robbed and killed in your sleep.
So, we better keep going.
Her red parrot laughed again.
And they kept going.
They passed by wide and rolling pastures filled with cows and sheep.
The prince said, Whose pastures are these?
And the jester replied, They belong to Princess Parrot.
The prince groaned.
If only I'd taken her for my wife.
The jester looked at him.
Yeah, you're pretty dumb.
The lady jester agreed.
Then they passed a beautiful lake surrounded by mountains.
The prince asked, Whose lake is this?
It belongs to Princess Parrot.
The prince groaned.
If only I'd taken her for my wife.
The jester nodded.
Pretty, pretty dumb.
The lady jester agreed.
Finally, they came to a large forest.
Don't tell me, said the prince.
This forest belongs to Princess Parrot, too.
Hey, said the lady jester to her parrot.
He's not quite as big a fool as he appears to be.
But her parrot croaked.
Yes, he is!
The Lady Chester agreed.
You're right, he is.
The Prince groaned.
If only I'd taken her for my wife.
I guess you're too good to be married to someone like me.
The Prince looked down at his feet and didn't say anything.
Eventually, they came to a tiny hut in a wood.
The prince exclaimed, You live here?
Yes, and now you do too.
There's only one bed, so you can sleep on the floor.
The parrot laughed.
The prince curled up on the floor, miserable.
What do you guys think of the Lady Jester right now?
Yeah.
You like her.
What do you think?
She's amazing.
Why is she amazing?
He's the best thing ever in this story.
Okay.
The next day, the lady jester said, I'm going out to earn some bread.
Clean the house before I get home.
And prepare some supper.
I'll be hungry.
The prince replied, I don't know how to do those things.
Don't you have any servants?
Sure I do.
You.
And she left the house.
That night, when the lady jester got home, the hut looked dirtier than before and the prince had burned the dinner.
The lady jester didn't even tease him.
She just said, You look miserable.
And the prince replied, I am.
Tomorrow, maybe we can find some work you know how to do.
The next day the lady jester showed the prince how to cut willow branches and bend them into baskets.
But the branches were hard and sharp, and they bruised and cut the prince's soft hands.
The lady jester didn't tease him.
She just said, Tomorrow, we'll have to try to find you something else to do.
The next day, she brought him some clay and showed him how to mold it into jars.
The prince's first many jars were misshapen and useless.
But the lady jester didn't make fun of him.
And by the second day, he got the hang of it.
What do you think of her now?
Change your opinion?
Same opinion?
Yeah?
She's trying to make him be useful and do stuff.
Yeah.
Oh, you like her less now than you did before.
Yeah.
Yes.
She's still awesome.
She's still awesome.
The lady jester showed him how to cook the clay pots in a fire.
He burned his soft hands a few times.
But after another day, he learned how to fire the pots too.
On the fourth day, he took his pots to market.
He started to sell them and wasn't too bad at it.
But then he saw a group of men, young lords and earls and dukes, coming through the market.
They were his followers.
But now they were following a young king who was dressed in the finest clothes the prince had ever seen.
The young king caught sight of the prince, but the prince's clothes were so worn and ragged that even his former followers didn't recognize him.
The young king picked up the prince's pots and laughed.
These look like they were made by babies.
Babies with four feet.
Four hooves.
Tunky babies.
The followers laughed and smashed the prince's pots, and then they walked away.
This new prince is the evilest person ever.
The new king.
Uh-huh.
The new king and the old king are the same.
Interesting.
The prince went back to the lady jester's hut, tears in his eyes.
My friends were in the market.
They laughed at my pots and smashed them to bits.
The jester shook her head and said, I'm sorry, but there's nothing more I can do for you.
And you eat more food than you provide.
I can't keep you here anymore.
So the jester took the prince to a grand palace not too far away and sold him to the colliers.
Anyone know what a collier is?
A collier is someone who carries coals to the kitchen fires.
The colliers offered her a penny for the prince.
So the prince had to work as a collier.
Soon he was covered in soot, and his back grew bent.
But his arms grew strong, and he learned to work hard.
He also grew kinder, for there was no one below him in all the world and no one to laugh at but himself.
Which, over time, he learned to do.
He told the Colliers he'd been a prince, but they didn't believe him and they called him the Penny Prince.
And he just laughed and agreed that that was about all he was worth.
It is hard not to like someone who knows how to laugh at himself.
And that is how the prince made friends with the other Colliers.
Some months later, there was a wedding at the palace.
The prince snuck up to a doorway and watched the dancing and the celebrating and he thought of his past life and wished he had not been so cruel and so stupid.
Just then, a beautiful woman in a sparkling gown caught sight of him.
She gestured for him to join her on the dance floor.
I think it's Princess Parrot.
You think it's Princess Parrot?
I think that the prince, like, Wouldn't she, like, not recognize him, like, if it was her?
Because, like, he was in, like, all the black soot.
All the soot was on him.
She may not recognize him.
At first, he would not go.
But she insisted, and the other colliers pushed him out into the room.
He began to dance with her.
But the soot from his hands blackened her dress and he tripped as he danced and coal went tumbling out of his pockets onto the floor.
The other guests pointed and laughed at him.
They laughed and laughed.
Someone shouted, The Penny Prince!
And soon they were all saying it.
Penny Prince!
Mortified, the prince ran downstairs back to the kitchens.
Anyone know what mortified means?
Yeah?
Like completely.
Yeah, exactly.
Like really, really, really, really, really, really, really embarrassed.
Exactly right.
But the woman in the sparkling gown ran after him.
She caught him on the stairs.
The prince looked up into her face, and he saw that it was Princess Parrot.
And Princess Parrot said, I was the lady jester whom your father forced you to marry.
Who called that?
You called that, didn't you?
Yeah, you forgot that you called it, but you did.
And I was the young king who teased you and broke your pots in the market.
I wanted to teach you a lesson, and I think I have.
The prince exclaimed, You have, you have, but how did I not recognize you?
Princess Parrot smiled.
You have been blind.
Yes, said the prince.
I was, but I see better now.
And Princess Parrot said I think you do.
And she helped him get cleaned up and gave him some fine clothes and brought him down to the ball where all of the guests, including the prince's father, were waiting to celebrate the marriage of Princess Parrot and the penny prince.
And there was much joyful weeping, by the prince most of all.
And they lived happily ever after.
The end.
If it was a ball, how did they, like, arrange a marriage for them?
Anyone have an answer to that?
So it was a ball, and then suddenly the father was there?
What do you guys think?
Well, usually at weddings they have like a ball party, and since he's the king, he can just Make it happen.
I think it was a setup.
Princess Parrot knew he was there, right?
She's the one who sold him to the Colliers.
It was her party.
Oh, so she... told everybody to laugh and everything.
And she knew that he was going to be in the call.
And then so they just could easily just change it to their marriage.
Totally.
I think she set the whole thing up.
She had it ready.
Princess Parrot, pretty smart.
Yeah.
How does Princess Parrot change so quickly?
She's good at changing clothes.
Grim Grimmer Grimmest is a Pinna Original Production.
Created and written by me, Adam Gidwitz.
Author of A Tale Dark and Grim.
Produced and edited by Ilana Milner.
Casting and voice direction by Paula Gammon-Wilson.
Sound design and mixing by Beat Street NYC.
Location recording by Jason Gambrell and Evan Viola.
Narrated by me, Adam Gidwitz.
Special thanks to the staff and students at Brooklyn Friends School and Manhattan Country School.
You guys are amazing.
Far away on the high Caribbean seas roams a swashbuckling pigeon-loving, burrito-gobbling pirate who's well a bit different than the other pirates.
Whoa!
Bless my Brussels sprouts!
Introducing the new podcast Lightcatchers, Season 1, Bob the Bad Pirate.
Bob the Bad Pirate wasn't bad because he liked to hurt people or call other pirates' names like Petunia Pillow Pants.
Bob the Bad Pirate was bad because he just wasn't very good at being a pirate.
Give her me tutors!
Listen now to Lightcatchers, wherever you get your podcasts, and learn more at BeALightcatcher.com.
Light up the lanterns and follow me.
Patrick, let's go.
The clue is floating away in a hot air balloon.
I just need my detective's notebook.
Hey, sorry, this is kind of a bad time.
Claire and I just found a major clue and now it's airborne.
Long story.
Anyway, I wanted to let you know that the parents behind Law and Order have something brand new for families.
Our podcast, Patrick Picklebottom Everyday Mysteries.
It's full of wild mysteries, surprising clues, quirky characters and big adventures hiding in small places.
Claire and I are solving a new mystery every episode, and we'd love your help.
Seriously, we can't crack these cases without you.
Patrick, it's headed towards the water tower.
Gotta go.
Listen on Apple or wherever you get your podcasts.
And bring snacks.
Okay, I'm coming.
