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Hey, I'm Kwame Christian, and you are about to step into the world of Negotiate Anything, the number one negotiation podcast in the world where we teach you how to make difficult conversations easier while getting more of what you want in the process.
Each episode is packed with practical tips and strategies from the experts.
We delve into negotiation, conflict resolution, and leadership skills that are crucial in both business and in life.
Whether you're closing a deal, managing a team, or navigating personal relationships, Negotiate Anything provides you with the tools you need to succeed.
Our conversations are real, relatable, and most importantly, rooted in practicality.
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Let's make every conversation a winning negotiation.
Whitney and Stephanie, thanks for joining us today.
Oh, we're so glad to be here.
Yes, thank you for having us.
It's our pleasure. So, Whitney, how would you get us started by telling us a little bit about yourself and what you do?
Yeah, my name is Whitney Abraham.
I am a business coach for women who build online -based businesses, leveraging their expertise and their personality.
And I am the co -owner of a digital marketing company here in Columbus, Ohio, called Real Social, and also the co -host of the Capture Confidence podcast with my darling partner, Stephanie.
Yay. So, I am Stephanie Hanna.
I am a lawyer by trade.
I have a business called The Other 85, where I do professional development coaching for attorneys and other professionals.
And I am also the co -host of the Capture Your Confidence podcast with Whit.
Awesome. And everybody, you might remember Stephanie.
She's been on the show a number of times, talking about networking and negotiation.
And in today's episode, we're here to highlight an exciting new program, but also here to give some really practical tips about how you can change your mentality around business and collaboration and communication and negotiation in order to move your career forward and how we could use networking and negotiation as
a tool for that growth.
So, Whitney, let me pass the ball to you first.
Can you tell the audience about the exciting event that's coming up in October?
Yes. So, you know, it's new to so many people, but it's not new to us because this is our third year putting on the State of Women conference.
But it is so new in the way that we're doing it this year, and we're so excited to share it with everyone.
But essentially, it's a day of a fusion of personal and professional development for women to help them get out of their own way, to help them go after the things that they want, make the connections that are going to help connect them to the next right step in their careers and in their lives, and really
pour into themselves, because obviously women don't take a lot of time to do that.
This is great. And the American Negotiation Institute is an affiliate.
Of course, we have to disclaim that.
But it's because we believe in this.
It's so important. And I've seen the transformations and heard about the transformations that people have gone through after going through the conference.
So, for me, I'm excited not only to support and kind of be a part of it in a little way, but also to utilize some of the magic that will be in the event for free here on the podcast for all of you.
And so, let's set the stage here when we're talking about this because there is a mental side to this game, and then there's going to be a strategic side to this game.
And Stephanie, I want to pass the ball to you.
When it comes to the mental side of the game, what is the transformation that you want to see in the people who go through the program?
Yeah, we really want people to leave the conference feeling like they can accomplish whatever it is that they want to accomplish.
So, people often come to us with lofty goals, but they have families and lives, and people telling them it's maybe not a great idea and their own voices in their head, giving them all the reasons why they shouldn't be doing something, why they shouldn't be going for more.
And when they leave the conference, they have kind of shattered their own glass ceiling.
They recognize that there is more, they are capable of more, and they're just as worthy as everyone else that they see going after it.
So, the mental transformation, you know, and aside from the strategic and the practical is really critical because we can give you the tools all day long, but if you don't believe that it's for you and that you are worthy of receiving them and implementing them, they're not nearly as effective.
So, the thing we love the most about the conference is the mental transformation.
Absolutely. And what I've seen in this, in the negotiation space, when it comes to anybody who is starting their negotiation journey and even with experienced negotiators, a lot of times we are limited by our own ambition.
And so, for example, if we were to go into a negotiation and let's say it's a salary negotiation, or you're an entrepreneur and you have this contract with a longstanding client and prices have changed, inflation is up, you have to adjust your prices.
If I go into those types of negotiations and I say, I want to negotiate for 1 % more, most likely the most I'll get is 1 % more.
But if I say I want to increase by 30%, I might not get 30, but I might get 10 % or 20%, which is better than where I was before.
So, when we are limited by our own ambition, we're putting a governor on our success.
And when you start to recognize that there is more that you could possibly get more, now we can actually change our mentality to move in that direction.
But if we don't make that shift mentally, internally, for ourselves first, then we're going to be really limited.
And I think, you know, you raise a great point because a lot of the times where we don't even go for the 30 is not because we don't want more, but it's maybe we just don't think we deserve more or we don't want to take up that much space.
And so really changing the mentality to, but if I win more, then I can help others more and I can do more good.
And so it's not selfish.
It's really just having that growth mindset and knowing that you are going to take the more, whatever it is that you get, and you're going to pay it back and you're going to make your programming stronger or you're going to make your product better or whatever it is, but to just really think that you're
worthy of the more so that you can take it and put more back out into the universe.
Yeah. And, you know, I think women count themselves out, especially.
And I will always tell women that I coach, you better be sold on yourself before you ever enter into an arena with another person.
You better believe wholeheartedly that the thing that you're bringing to the table is worth everything that you're asking in return for it before you ever open your mouth and try and convince someone else otherwise, because you'll lose the battle before you even walk in the room if you don't believe
in yourself. And I think women have to continually put themselves into positions where they stretch that upper limit, where they face what they're limiting themselves to and ask themselves whether or not on the other side of their fear, if there's more possible for them.
And I hope that this day becomes a space where they can sort of safely confront that upper limit and ask themselves what they really want and why they're holding themselves back from it, for sure.
This is crucial. This is crucial because I think even if you're somebody who struggles with this, hearing it described this way can sound a little foreign, can sound a little strange.
Deserving more, of course I deserve more.
Okay. But do you really believe that you deserve more?
Right? We can say it logically, but do we feel it emotionally and viscerally?
Those are two different things, because what I'm recognizing is that there are different layers of belief that we need to overcome.
So first, we have to believe, yes, I can aspire for more.
I can ask for more.
That's great, because going from not even believing that you can and should to believing it, that is a massive improvement.
But then there is a little bit more resilience that comes from a true, deep, visceral belief that's in your bones, right?
Because if I say, all right, I believe that I deserve more, and then I go into the negotiation, I might feel some resistance and then as soon as I feel that resistance, I say to myself, you know what, this was a bad mistake.
They brought up a really good point.
I don't actually deserve more.
Let me sit down in my place, right?
But when we meet that anticipated resistance that comes, now we can greet it with more resilience too, because we're like, no, actually, thank you for your suggestion that I don't deserve more, but I actually do.
And let me continue to walk through this fire.
And so it's about recognizing just the depth of this belief and where we might be and recognizing where we might want to go.
And these are the soft skills, I think, that people have a hard time wrapping their minds around how to actually build, right?
And this is part of the reason why I love partnering with Stephanie, because so much of her work is wrapped up in helping people establish and submit some of those soft skills that are harder to quantify, but man, they make all the difference in the outcome.
Absolutely. And this actually gives us an opportunity to talk about some of those soft skills with a little bit more specificity, because Stephanie, I know this is where you shine, because networking is near and dear to your heart.
So can you tell us a little bit more about how the role that networking and connection plays into just growth and advancement in general?
Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I think we've shared before this idea that people have to know you like you and trust you to want to do anything with you, right, to be your super fan.
And the more that we can work on the know, like, and trust, the easier it is for people to collaborate with us.
And the easier it is for us to be in partnership with others so that we can both achieve greater things.
The other really important piece of, I think, collaboration and relationship building is having an abundance mindset.
I think it's very easy to go into these situations with a scarcity mindset and to think that, you know, I don't want to collaborate because I cultivated this relationship or I built this book of business or what if they leave me.
And that is probably one of the quickest ways to derail both your own progress and the, you know, compounded progress that could be if you were to collaborate.
So I think coupling the know, like, and trust with an abundance mindset and recognizing that there's enough for everybody.
And if I grow and they grow, then we all grow is part of the secret sauce.
And we focus a lot of our workshop on that because it's not just going to help you if you want to create a business or do something more, but it's going to help you if you are, you know, trying to talk to your landlord or your supervisor or your spouse, right?
Like, there's so many areas where this mentality comes into play and is really useful.
Yeah. You know, as you were telling, as you were saying that, Stephanie, I was thinking about the map that I put together on the domino effect of all of our relationships for the women that are participating in the state of women.
So I put together this map of how everyone met each other and how they started to collaborate with each other and what that turned into.
And it was this beautiful domino effect of, like, bigger things than we could have ever imagined for ourselves because we started collecting one another and playing together instead of competing with each other.
And to me, I just think, gosh, so many people who are afraid to collaborate and afraid to network and share their connections and their expertise, they miss out on the possibility of so much more from that place of fear.
And I hope that the room that we're creating is one where connections create something that is beyond what they could have imagined possible.
Right. We're looking for those synergistic connections.
And it's really interesting because I never really explicitly made this connection between networking effectively and the abundance mindset.
And let's go a bit deeper into this because I don't want to assume that everybody fully grasps this because I think there are going to be different levels to this because when we say, all right, cool, we want to have an abundance mindset, sometimes we might have an abundance mindset as it relates to
ourselves. But then you incorporate somebody else and you're like, wait a second, you're going to take some of my stuff.
So we haven't gotten that far yet.
So it seems like we need to have an abundance mindset where it's like, yes, there is more than enough for me and there's more than enough for you.
And if we work together, there can be more than enough for both of us.
But we need to both kind of adopt this mentality in order to move in that direction.
Hello, my friends. Before we get back to today's episode, I want to ask you a question.
Have you ever wondered how to elevate your team's negotiation game and how you can help the folks on your team have better, difficult conversations?
At the American Negotiation Institute, we offer transformative keynotes and workshops tailored to empower professionals with top tier negotiation and conflict resolution skills.
Whether it's a keynote for your next event or hands -on training for your team, we've got you covered.
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It's not a race to who's going to get the most the fastest, but it's how can we work together so we all can get everything together?
How can we all get as much as possible?
Within minutes now, as much as we've been doing this work, I can tell.
I can tell. We'll say, yes, the earth doesn't know if this is going to work or not.
It took a long time to get there, but I think you start to get a spidey sense about someone's true core values and their beliefs about resources and collaboration and relationship building.
Once you're able to sense it, then you can make decisions that are the most effective for you because it is very hard.
It's going to take more than your relationship to undo someone's scarcity mindset.
It takes a lot of work.
It's going to be easier for you to navigate when you're able to know where you stand personally and then be able to gauge where your partners or potential partners are.
Yeah, Stephanie talks a lot about givers and takers too.
I think this has been a really good example of recognizing scarcity mindset and action when you're networking and you're in a room and someone's maybe asking a lot of questions and trying to play this name game instead of being really curious about the person in front of them and being a conversationalist.
I have aspired after doing that work and working with Stephanie.
I think abundance mindset also, I just want to give the disclaimer, it's a never done job in the same way that confidence is a never done job.
We're always working on it.
We're always trying to strengthen it and grow that.
After having started that journey and started to do that work, my goal when I walk into a room is to find out as much about the people in the room as I can and to try and make connections where I can.
We were talking earlier about creating win -win scenarios with as many people as possible.
If I can enter into a conversation or into a room and be of help to someone else without expectation that it comes back to me, I actually end up getting way more back from that than I would have if I had gone in and been being me, me, me, my, my, my.
This is great. You're absolutely right.
Whitney, I love the point where you said we're constantly working on this.
I smiled because I know I currently am.
And it's humbling because I realized that last night where I was thinking about a different type of expansion.
And then I said, man, when did I get so scared?
When did this happen?
Probably, kids. But when did it happen?
Because I used to be able to think a little bit bigger, take bigger risks.
But I realized, oh, I grew in my abundance mindset at that stage.
And now I've leveled out.
I've kind of topped out.
And now it's going to require a similar amount of effort to overcome this new level again.
And it was just humbling because I was saying, my goodness, I thought I was past this.
But it's not like, you know, a grade where I don't need to keep on revisiting second grade.
It's one of those things that we just keep on pushing through in life.
And one of the things that I want to focus on here because it is subtle and maybe the people who are only listening to this, they can't see the video, they might not appreciate this.
But there is a glow and energy that both of you all have as you talk about the connection and the networking.
And I think a lot of times when people hear networking, they get nauseous.
And so I'm recognizing that there is we are using the word networking, but it has very different meanings for different people.
And so when you think about the aversion that people have toward networking, what are those self -limiting beliefs and problematic beliefs that often hold them back?
So in addition to networking, I also teach a negotiation class at the law school here.
And there is that same aversion to those words, right?
To networking, to negotiation.
And, you know, Whitney talks a lot about marketing and sales and that same aversion.
And so how interesting that we have to build businesses around words that people generally don't like.
And so for networking in particular, I would say the aversion or the things that I hear the most are, it feels very inauthentic.
It feels salesy or, you know, I'm trying to pitch myself.
I'm trying to take up too much space.
I could just work hard and keep my head down and someone will notice me.
I don't want to go into like, you know, they just have this vision of like a cocktail party where, you know, everyone is talking and nobody wants has anything to do with you.
And that, you know, everyone's like scheming to exclude you, right?
They concocted like the worst possible scenario in their mind and then use that as a picture their mind goes to every time the word networking comes up.
No, nobody wants to walk into a room where they feel like they're going to have to small talk or posture, but they do if you ask them, hey, do you want to go to a place where you're going to meet your next mentor?
Hey, do you want to go to a place where you literally meet the person that changes the trajectory of your career?
Do you want to meet your best friend in business?
They all say yes, they want to find their people, but they don't.
They're starting to look at networking as the negative space, not the space of possibility, right?
And so if you think about panning for gold, of course, you're going to have a lot of conversations with people that might not end up being anything in order to find the one nugget of the person who's like, oh, my goodness, can you imagine if I didn't go into that room that night?
Can you imagine if I said, I would rather just stay home and hang out instead of doing this thing?
Can you imagine what you would have missed out on?
And so I encourage people if they have this negative lens on networking to start thinking about the possibility of what can happen when you walk in the room instead of the laborious effort that it takes for you to sort of like become a person who can network.
This I love this. This is so helpful because it's like, imagine if you say, OK, well, you have to network.
People would say, OK, yes, begrudgingly, I'll do that with their typical mindset.
But if you ask, do you want to be networked?
Like, what does that mean?
That doesn't it doesn't sound good for me at all.
Right. And I think about some of my most valuable relationships that I've come I've come away with from these networking events.
And it's the people who were just ruthlessly authentic, right, where they were just saying, hey, this is who I am.
And let's vibe and barely talk about business if at all.
I remember one of my friends that I met still friends to this day.
This was about nine years ago.
It was a speed networking scenario and he it was around Halloween times.
And, you know, we have a minute and a half and everybody's just like, hi, I'm so and so this is my business.
This is how I can help you.
Right. And it gets old really fast.
And he said, hey, what do you want to be for Halloween?
I said, wow, what a great question.
And we just vibed. And then in the last five seconds, he said, OK, I do this.
And I said, I do that friends to this day.
Right. And when you think about going all the way back, Stephanie, to what you said, when we were saying no like and trust, when you think about business, who do you want to do business with?
You want to do business with your friends.
And then if your friends are just slightly not as good as another option, but functional, but just not that great, you're still going to go with your friends because you vibe with them.
And when you think about it in terms of just going out there, being yourself and making relationships and helping people.
Now it's an exciting opportunity.
But if you have that biased lens around networking as a bad thing, it's a chore.
I have to pretend that I care only about business and I'm not a whole person.
Now it's not fun for anyone in the interaction.
Yeah, absolutely. I mean, look, at the end of the day, this gets easier the more you do it.
There is this piece of equipment at the gym called the ladder.
I don't know if you're familiar with it, but essentially it's like a bunch of rungs on this electric ladder.
It's essentially like a treadmill, but it's all self -powered.
So the faster you go, the faster the thing moves.
And I just have been having as I'm on it, I'm like, there are so many parts of life that are like this.
You're starting out slow, you're just trying to figure it out.
But then like the more you're able to go, like the faster the thing is going, but you're able to keep up.
But OK, then you slip, so hold on.
Then we got to slow down again.
But that's just like relationship building, right?
You're able to weed stuff out and go quicker the more that you do it.
Like I am not going to the same things that I was going to 12 years ago, for sure.
I am very easily saying no to those things at this stage.
But I'm still going to other things and new things that are serving my relationship building goals.
So the more you do it, the quicker you are and you're able to weed it out and do, you know, and just make smarter choices and it becomes less laborious.
Note to step note to self, Stephanie is way tougher than me because I know the ladder.
I am not acquainted with the ladder.
I will never do such a thing.
So kudos to you. But you're absolutely right.
Like a positive ladder of things in life.
They just keep on coming back.
And I think it's it's really humbling to recognize that to just say, OK, yeah, I can't.
I'm going to graduate from these challenges.
They're going to shift.
They might manifest themselves differently, but you just have to keep on going.
I like to think about it like a clock, you know, just tick, tick, tick, tick, tick.
We just keep on moving forward methodically.
And I think that's really powerful.
And when we bring that mentality to our career and our relationships and we just keep on advancing, that's really where we make those gains.
And the other part of the event that I know is going to be really exciting is the planning part.
Because we've talked about the mentality, the mindset side.
We've talked about the people, the connections that you'll make.
But you're actually going to give people an opportunity to create a plan.
So, Whitney, can you tell us about that element?
Yeah, you know, we hear from thousands of women who have goals, whether they're professional or personal.
And there's no question that if they knew how or what to do, they would be doing it.
And so tactically, we're going to have part of the day where we're making the plan for whatever it is that you're trying to accomplish.
And we're connecting the dots in how to get some of these things done.
Whether it's building a personal brand or whether it's having a more compassionate relationship with yourself or deepening your relationships.
Or maybe you want to build that business, right?
And so then we have to make the plan of what those next right steps are going to be in order for you to actually create momentum.
And there is a significant part of this day that's focused on helping you create that plan.
And then, of course, plunking in the pieces of the people that are going to help you move the needle so that when you leave, you not only know what to do, how to do it and who's going to help you get there, too.
Yeah. And I think, you know, the tactical piece is really important because sometimes you you could leave a lot of conferences and seminars where you do feel that rah rah.
Right. And and then I used to call and put it on the shelf workshops.
Right. I feel great.
But I'm putting all this material on the shelf and hopefully this good energy carries me a couple more days.
So not only are you getting the good energy, you're actually getting the next steps.
OK, so when I leave here, who do I need to call?
Who do I need to schedule a coffee with?
What plans do I need to follow through on?
You've got the blueprint and it just makes it so much easier.
You know, in diversity and inclusion work, there's an exercise that we do where we give everyone a puzzle to solve.
And then the facilitator gives one person kind of the answer key, the blueprint, not the full answers, but just says, here are the different quadrants of the page so that you can find the solution.
Just give them that blueprint.
And then the participants all go through the exercise.
And the person with the blueprint, of course, is able to accomplish more of the exercise than anyone else in the room.
And the idea is all I did was give them a roadmap and then they ran with it.
But everyone else is still stuck trying to figure out the roadmap and see if there's a pattern and they're kind of twirling among themselves and not able to make real progress.
But when they just got the roadmap from someone else, then they were able to run and they were able to get where they're trying to go much quicker.
And so that's what we hope to give you is the roadmap.
We're not doing the work for you, but we hope to help you change your mindset and then give you the roadmap so that once you leave, you know what to do.
This is great because so many events are just hyper motivational and hyper emotional.
And then once that fades away, which it often does, people are just exactly where they were before, but guilty that they haven't done the thing that they do.
Right. So this is important.
And I know some listeners are saying, why are we talking about business strategy on a negotiation podcast?
Well, I've got a little twist for you because let's say people go to this event and they have a plan.
They have connections and then they are confronted with the real world because when you create a plan that is only part of the battle.
We have to execute the plan.
But as we execute the plan, there are going to be things that will get in our way that will often be well meaning and try to lead us astray.
And so we have to be able to set boundaries to in order to protect this.
And the thing that's tough is that sometimes we have to set boundaries with the people who we love.
So it might be a partner.
It might be a friend who wants to continue to do like the socialize without moving forward.
Hey, no, I need to focus on this.
I might be a partner who wants more time, which a partner is often do.
But then you say, hey, I need to lock in for this moment.
So in those times where you have to protect your boundaries and say no, what is a framework or approach we could use to handle that particular difficult conversation?
Well, lucky enough, the session that I am leading at the workshop is all around boundaries.
And so because we know that those that's real life and that and that happens.
And I think the first part fundamentally is to understand that boundaries are something you control.
They're not something that someone else can break or not break.
Right. It's just have you enforced it or not enforced it?
I think a lot of times it's very easy to pass the buck when we talk about boundaries.
You know, I told them don't call me after seven.
And here they are calling me like they just keep violating my boundary versus.
Oh, you know, I told them not to call me after seven.
So I'm not going to answer this so that I can enforce this boundary.
Right. And that mindset shift is really critical.
And then the other thing is the language to help you enforce that boundary because a lot of times we just can't ignore people.
That's not how we want to enforce our boundary.
That's not how we want to show up.
So it's having the language to say, hey, here's why I'm doing these things.
Here's how I plan on enforcing them on enforcing my boundaries or staying true to my word.
And here's what I hope that you're able to do.
And if you're not, that's completely OK, too.
Right. But here's how I'm still going to show up.
And here is how my behavior might change.
So we give a lot of little, you know, you might notice me fill in the blank and just key phrases that may help.
Hey, do you have a minute?
Right. I mean, just the basics of how we introduce a conversation, how we let someone know that we're trying to talk about something that, you know, maybe we don't feel great talking about, but we know is important in the long run.
So those are the things that, you know, we'll be covering more in depth.
But you're right. Boundaries is a huge piece of it.
And so it's mindset and language.
And it doesn't it doesn't matter if you're on the corporate track or if you own a business or even if you're a stay at home mom who wants to articulate better boundaries so that she can accomplish some of the things for herself that she wants.
These are life skills.
Right. And so I love being in a room and watching people explain their circumstance to Stephanie and and watching Stephanie help them wordsmith the language that looks sound and feel like them in order for them to be able to set those boundaries.
Because again, if they knew what to say, they'd say it, but they don't know where to start.
And so sometimes having a coach to help walk you through that process is transformative.
And we've seen some incredible boundaries come out of this conference.
So if you struggle with that, might I introduce you to my friend Stephanie, who is very, very good at it?
You know, the other cool thing I'll say about the conference is that the makeup of the attendees has really transformed in the last couple of years.
We actually have a lot more corporate folks.
We have a lot more attorneys, a lot more people who probably will never have a side hustle.
Right. Who probably are going to go to work and go home.
And that's how they want to show up.
But I think it's this mindset that like you are still the CEO of yourself.
Right. No matter if you work for someone else or you have your own business, like you still are an entity that deserves a CEO and a board of directors.
And so we want to help you fashion that so that you can put yourself in the best position.
So if you're listening to this and you're like, well, I don't want a business or that's not for me, that's completely fine.
The really cool thing is that the audience is now being made up of folks at all stages right in the game and finding this content very useful.
Incredible. Stephanie and Whitney, I'm so excited for this and excited to help promote as well.
And for the people who are interested in learning more about the conference and buying their ticket, there will be a link in the description.
But before you go, can you make sure that you give them the details and make the final pitch for why this is the best move for them?
Yes. Well, I will go first.
So this is going to be on Thursday, October 10th, and it's going to be in Columbus, Ohio.
It's from 9 a .m. to 3 p .m.
And it is for women who want to dial up their impact, scale back their stress and create meaningful connections.
The transformations that we have been lucky enough to be a part of over the last three years have been so inspiring and so encouraging.
And just by dedicating a day to your own personal growth is one of the best gifts that you can give yourself.
I love the timing of the conference.
It's right in the final quarter of the year.
So you can finish planning out the rest of this year strong, but then also really look ahead to 2025 so that you can walk into that with a plan, with some direction and with some confidence to see it through.
Whitney. I would just say, I would say if you're a woman who wants more than we want you in the room and you'll know, you'll know in your gut if that's you.
And we would love to see you and support you and cheer you on and hopefully become one of the people that you actually want to keep in your life.
And we'll happily join your group of cheerleaders behind the scenes as we watch whatever it is that you're trying to pull off.
Amazing. Thank you both for joining us.
Really appreciate it.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Now, before you sign off, I have something to tell you that I've never told you before.
Just kidding. I've told you before about it.
You should listen to it again.
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I'll catch you later.
Thank you.
