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Hello, it's Eve here!
Welcome to a brand new week and to Radioheadspace.
I hope you had a lovely weekend and were able to get some downtime.
I was meant to meet up with a friend recently that I hadn't seen for a while, but unfortunately on the day we were supposed to meet, I woke up with a cold.
I felt so bad and even contemplated still going because I really wanted to see her, but she messaged and actually said she was thankful I'd canceled because she was feeling really tired and exhausted and this gave her an excuse to actually get some rest. We often don't think that the person we're saying no to may also benefit from it as well.
The problem with always saying yes is that we often take on or agree to way more than we have the energy for.
I'm what I sometimes refer to as a recovering people pleaser.
So saying no does not come naturally to me.
But we're going to explore some ways to build boundaries and practice saying no so that you can strengthen that muscle.
We often equate saying no with this idea that it's selfish or wrong and that by saying no we're letting someone down or we're even being rude.
And when it comes to saying no at work, one of the biggest fears is often around looking lazy, uncooperative or even a fear of being replaced.
But the reality is is that people who set boundaries are often seen as the most professional and respected, and being an effective leader actually means saying no to a lot of things.
It truly is a skill.
And it's not just about saying no to the things you don't want to do.
What it is about is developing those skillful boundaries and protecting your energy so that you can carry out work, spend time with friends and family, doing hobbies, without feeling completely burnt out and exhausted.
So let's practice some scenarios together that can ease you into setting boundaries.
So if saying no off the bat feels too difficult, you could take the not right now approach. So, say a more senior person on your team comes to you and asks for help on something?
Instead of saying no, you could try saying something like, I'd love to help, but I'm currently focused on a different priority.
Can we revisit this later?
Or I want to make sure I do a great job on this.
So could we look at a timeline that works for both of us?
This way, you're not denying the request but are showing some assertiveness and that you care about doing a good job.
One of the best bosses I've ever had would ask me each week in our 1 -to -1 about how my time was being split, and if I was over capacity.
This meant she had great visibility into what I was working on, and more importantly, if we needed to reprioritize some things.
So here's a suggestion.
If you're finding that you're being stretched too thin in your next 1 -to -1 or meeting with your manager, Perhaps say something like, I've been asked to take on this extra project, but I'd need to adjust some other priorities.
Can we discuss that and come up with a plan?
And remember you don't have to give a long explanation of why you're saying no. It could be as simple as saying, that sounds great, but this time I need to pass.
And sometimes simply saying, no, I can't, is also enough.
And as the saying goes, no is a complete sentence.
And I'll close out today by offering a short reflection.
It can be helpful to look at what is really important to you.
So, perhaps write down three things that you want to prioritize.
It could be that you want more time for yourself, less stress at work or to start a new hobby.
And then beside each one, write down what you're saying yes to, that is making these priorities harder to achieve.
And it could be that it's too many social events, too many extra projects at work, or too many obligations that just drain your energy.
And of course these will be personal to you.
Then start practising saying no to the things that are taking you away from what's important to you.
The more you practice this, the more normal it will begin to feel.
It is a balancing act but give it a go and see how you get on.
Thank you for joining me today, I too will be practicing this as well.
Take care and I look forward to seeing you tomorrow.
Okay, Okay.
