Hi, welcome back to eat your crust podcast. I'm crystal.
I'm Jisoo and Brian and Jonathan.
So today we have two familiar voices on Brian and Jonathan to talk about a topic that I feel like is very funny.
It's something that I personally think about all the time as someone who has a lot of social anxiety.
It's people you kind of know, kind of don't.
This is a very specific subset of people.
And the way you interact with these people can sometimes differ from the way you interact with people you know or close with and also even the way you interact with strangers.
So let's kick this off by talking about our personal rule of thumb for saying hi to someone you kind of know, kind of don't.
Honestly, this is very difficult because I feel like the setting really matters.
But just like very generically, I'll probably hide.
I'm gonna be honest. I think I'm like the total opposite.
I think at all events, I think my rule of thumb when I see someone, no matter how well I know them, is always to be excited when I greet them.
So I think my default greeting in the most settings is like, dude, what's up man?
And give him a quick dab.
And in professional settings, of course, give him a quick, like, shake.
Yeah, I'm not going to lie, this is probably something that like, dominates my mindspace more than it should in a social setting.
I feel like if... it usually will come down to if I feel like I've actually had a conversation with the person before.
But there's definitely been times where like, you know, you've met the person before, but you don't know if they remember you or it's been a while.
So it's kind of hard to navigate.
Wait, that's so true.
I feel like even in the, you kind of know them, you kind of don't spectrum.
There's also like a, you really don't know them.
And a, oh, you like, you know, you kind of know them.
Right. And I feel like depending on the setting it can feel like there's more pressure like social pressure almost. So I feel like a very easy one is if you're at a big party and then you're waiting in line at the bathroom or something, or like some sort of secluded corner and then you bump into someone you like kind of know then it's very easy to strike up conversation.
It's like more private or whatever.
But what I find really hard is like when you walk into a big social setting, there's all these people and people are kind of turning to look at whoever just walked in and then you have to go and say hi to everyone in that room.
Like I just hate that and I cannot handle that.
Oh my god that is so tough.
I think it's tough for both ends because even if you're on the receiving end, what if they like skip you and you're like, oh shit they don't realize me.
Oh that's tough. I think the bathroom situation you brought up you two just like waiting in line.
I think that's my worst nightmare because some people it's like You see them you kind of know them you want to greet them, but you can't keep a whole conversation going with them But when you're by the bathroom after like two or three lines of I don't know How's the weather or something it just gets awkward when it gets quiet It's just like cool and then it's just like scroll on your phone.
I don't know I feel like i'm the exact opposite as jsu.
I feel like Something like the bathroom line it almost like is the situation to actually be able to strike up a conversation.
Whereas if you're like going into the party and it's just this big room, you kinda have to like make your way across the room and go out of your way to say hi to the person.
So I actually like the bathroom conversations more.
"- Now I know this is like a spectrum.
Are you a bathroom person or like an entrance person?
Introvert or extrovert?
What do you prefer, Jisoo?
I mean, the whole reason that I brought up the bathroom thing in the first place was because that's like my comfort zone.
And I think similar to Brian, having a conversation is actually fine.
It's more of like entering that and like getting to that and also doing it in public that really freaks me out.
So then I also like to hide like you, Crystal, I will say that when this happens in a professional setting, it puts a different spin on it.
I feel like hiding in a social situation when it's more casual or maybe you're around your friends is kind of okay, but sometimes I feel like hiding in a workplace situation feels like I'm a bad employee or something.
So then I'm like okay, I need to like put my game face on, rile up my inner J -Soo, and go out to like socialize with people.
Thankfully for me in work, I guess for me it's because I work from home a lot so when I am in office it's like nice to see other people.
But luckily I have my own office, I don't know if you guys do, but what do you guys do if someone recognizes you but you don't recognize them?
Is this in a professional setting?
Just like in any setting, they go up to you and they're like Crystal, what's up?
Long time no see. And I don't know them.
You just don't know them.
I'm gonna be completely honest, I don't think that has happened, but if that were to happen, I think I would just try to fake it.
Actually this really depends on the other person's attitude.
If they seem, like, slightly more cautious, they're not coming on too strong, I might be like, oh my god I'm so sorry, I know your face but I forgot your name.
If they come on really strong, though, and I'm like, oh fuck.
I feel like it's rude if I don't know who they are, then I'll try to fake it.
Crystal, I forgot your name, but I remember your face.
The classic. That's like the go to.
That's a good one, honestly.
I have also not really had this happen to me, but I've seen it happen to my husband a bunch of times, and it's so funny because he'll always play it off.
That's like the default.
He'll never admit to not knowing the person.
I was like, oh yeah, totally seen you around before, bro.
blah blah blah and then later when that person inevitably walks away i'm like oh my god who was that he's like no idea i feel like it would be awkward to be like i don't actually know you and like demand an explanation so maybe it is better to just play it off i feel like in those situations i'm probably more like james where i just play it off i'm just like dude long time no see man we'll chop it up and when they leave i'll probably turn to one of my friends and be who is that again?
I don't think I've ever encountered this situation either but I feel like with playing it off there's like this risk of them referencing something that they think you'll know and then eventually you'll just have to be like all right honestly I don't really know who you are and it just becomes even more awkward than it was initially so honestly props to James for never really encountering that situation I feel like he is pretty good at playing it off.
Side tangent, there's this girl that apparently I met at UCSD.
Not apparently, I met her at UCSD.
We even followed each other on Instagram then, but she's friends with my housemate so over the past three years, I've been seeing her at a lot of events and every single time I see her, I go around and say hi to everyone because I know everyone else but I'll go up to her and I'll be like, nice to meet you.
I'm Jonathan. Oh no. and she'll be like, nice to meet you.
I'm x. And this went on for so long until one time I did that.
And I just see her boyfriend cracking up and I was like, what's going on?
And she's like, we've we've met each other so many times.
We've known each other since undergrad.
And I was like, there's no fucking way.
So I listened to this podcast recently, this influencer was saying that she never says nice to meet you anymore.
She'll always be like, Oh, it's so good to see or like nice to see you again, just on the off chance that they like actually met.
So I guess, good to see you is like a very generic one, right?
Like you don't know if you've met before or not.
Maybe you gotta start doing that, J -Sue.
Yeah, I've gotta whip it out, good to see you.
Have you guys had the opposite situation happen to you, though?
Where you know someone and you're like, Yeah, this person has no idea who I am.
So I think if I ever have the inkling where someone might not remember me, I just won't greet them.
I think my ego might take a hit.
Like if they just look at me blankly, I think I might just leave the event.
I think I'm similar to Jaesu, but not for ego purposes.
I think it's just the easiest excuse to get myself out of having to introduce myself to someone.
Yeah, I don't think this has ever happened to me either.
I feel like I will only say hi to someone if I'm certain that they'll remember me or that we've had a interaction before, but something that does happen somewhat often is I feel like you have like friends of friends who you know of and you've heard their names a lot but sometimes when you meet them, you can't really remember if You've met them or if it's just like you've heard their names a lot over the years so that's kind of like a tricky situation that I hate Oh my god, that reminds me of my birthday party last year It was so funny because a bunch of people were already at my place and then
we were all like gathered around our dining table and then 40 minutes into it, Brian came, it's like all of us sitting around at the table and then he like walks in through the door so everyone turns.
And then he goes and greets all like 12 or 13 people around the table like one by one.
And after that I was like, damn, that's actually like super brave. If I were you in that situation, I probably would have just been like, hey, I sat down in a corner like, so what are we doing guys?
And then the intros later when there were less eyes.
That is honestly what I really wanted to do, but I feel like your guys' kitchen layout is pretty unfriendly to that, and there's like a small room, so it would have been as awkward as it was to like, go around and say hi to like, 12 people I kind of know, kind of don't.
It would have been even worse to just like, walk in with 12 pairs of eyes on me and just sit down and be like, hi.
Wait, so was it just like totally quiet while Brian was going around saying hi to everyone?
Yes! I remember this suitability.
In fact, when Jisoo brought up this topic, it was like the first thing I thought of.
Oh my god. Wait, was I there yet?
I think you had just gotten there, or you came, like, right after Brian or something.
Okay, because I was going to say, I don't even remember this.
So that probably means...
Don't worry about it.
Thanks. Unless I wasn't there, then I'm sorry.
No, I think you were there.
I'm so sad I missed out on that.
Brian was talking earlier about, like, friends of friends when you hear a lot about them and stuff.
Have you guys ever heard so much about someone and then met them and they're like, totally different from what you imagined?
Oh, honestly, yeah, many times.
And it's always I think in a positive spin, I'll usually meet someone and be like, wow, this person is way nicer than I imagined or like way cooler than I imagine.
Yeah, but your friends are just not gassing them up.
This is a tough question, because I feel like nowadays, social media gives you an extra window into not even just hearing about a friend of a friend.
Maybe it's like not too off from what you hear and see.
Okay, but honestly, I think that's kind of a double edged sword, because I don't know about everyone else in this episode slash listening, but I can be kind of like a social media creep sometimes.
And especially when people have public profiles, it's very easy to just stumble upon it and like scroll and look at it.
I will say Instagram is one thing, but I used to be like a big Twitter person.
I just remember reading someone's Twitter and I was like, wow, you're like really posting all of the inner machinations of your brain.
You know, like I feel like I just took a page out of your diary and like run it.
And then I met this person in real life and it was crazy.
I felt like my brain knew certain things about this person or how they felt or like whatever.
And like a certain sliver of their life, you know, I'm not going to bring that up and be like, oh, I love your Twitter.
They like tell you something you're like, I actually already knew that.
Wait, actually, that kind of happens to us, I think.
When people meet us, who are like friends of friends, and maybe they've listened to like one or two podcast episodes, they'll be like, Oh my god, I low -key know a lot about you because of the podcast. True.
How does it make you feel when they say that?
Honestly, I'm like internally laughing cause I'm like, I wonder what they're suppressing?
What they're like, Oh, I actually already knew that or something of the sort.
I still think the funniest is one of my friends—I forget what we were talking about, but I think it was something related to like Jisoo's birthday.
I was like, Oh, I'm gonna be missing that.
And she asked me a question about some recent event, and I was like, I actually don't know what they've been up to.
And she's like, Oh, haven't they?
And then she was like listing it off.
And I was like, dude, you know way more about Jisoo and Crystal than I do right now.
I mean, honestly, even aside from social media and our podcast, this is totally something that happens.
There's this one person who I haven't seen this person since like high school, right but this person and I both have a mutual friend that we're very close to.
So every time I hang out with that mutual friend, they're like, oh, you know, I was gonna see the other guy, but we couldn't make plans, because it's his parents birthday or something.
And then I'll just go home and be like, Okay, August 2 is this person's parents birthday.
And it's just like forever memorialized in my brain.
You got like a notebook where you're writing all this info.
Basically. I thought the story was going to go in a different direction.
I'm staying. Everything comes back to me knowing too much about people.
I thought it was going to be something like if you have maybe yeah a mutual friend but you're not as close to that mutual friend.
And then you're like oh I saw on their social media they got engaged or something and then your friend's like wait what the fuck I didn't know.
I will say if I know I know information that I guess I wouldn't have normally known if I didn't see it on their social media if my friends didn't tell me sorry that was like a whole lot of words together I saw Brian's eyes just look up and I was just like ahh I'm losing the plot here I was trying to figure out the fuck you're saying if I meet someone and I know things about them I keep it in my back pocket it's like my secret conversation sprinkling whoa when I'm talking to them I'll kind of guide the conversations towards things that I know that they're interested in or like places that they
might have traveled and then it like helps to keep the conversation going and they'll be like oh shit, how'd you know that?
I was like oh no, it's crazy Heard through the grapevine Yeah, I heard through the grapevine It's like you know they're engaged and you're like so what are your thoughts on marriage?
This kind of makes me wonder though If you're actually, let's say, going to a party or some sort of social event, and you know that most of the people there are people that you kind of know, kind of don't, do you prep for this somehow?
Oh dude, I'll ask my friends who know most of the people there, I'll be like, who are the people going again?
Oh, who do they know there?
And then, you know, in your mind you can kind of get ready.
You prepare your script on like the bullet points each person?
Checking the notes on what I have on these people.
GC is gonna go in like, oh my god isn't it your dad's birthday?
And Jonathan will be like, so thoughts on like engagement ring prices lately?
Hey nice to see you, hey how much do you think you should spend on engagement stuff?
I don't think I'll try to prep too much I actually will try to not think about it too much because I feel like it can be like a source of stress, so it's usually better to just like not think about it and just improvise or like play it by ear almost when you're in the situation.
Yeah honestly, sometimes I wonder if it would be better to go to a party where everyone was just a stranger.
I'm like, would that make me less anxious?
And I think every day, like depending on my mood and my comfort levels, the answer changes, like some days I truly would prefer just meeting a room full of strangers and I think that would be easier.
But other days it is nicer to kind of go in with a certain link, you know, to this person, no matter how tenuous it is.
I don't know if I have any preparation, but I do feel like a lot of dread going to parties where I kind of know everyone.
I think in those environments too, I don't know if you guys feel this.
I'm like super bad at talking to people, mutuals.
And I don't know why.
I think I brought this up with some other people before.
Your mutual friends are friends with all of your friends.
And so it's like, they have to be like a certain type of personality.
But then when you meet them, you don't know how far you can push it.
Like, you don't know how comfortable or casual you can be.
You don't know how weird you can be.
I feel like I'm holding myself back the whole time and just trying to feel out how casual I can be around them.
I don't know if what I said just made sense.
You're waiting for someone to open the gates?
Yeah, exactly. There we go.
I need to wait for them to act a certain way first and I'm like, alright, cool.
We're on the same vibe here.
Yeah, I think that makes sense.
I think it's very comfortable around your group of friends and you know exactly how unhinged you can get.
Like, you already know that boundary, but with people who are mutuals, you don't know that.
The limit testing process is more awkward because you kind of know where it should be generally but you don't know exactly what that point is.
versus if it were with strangers you wouldn't even have that expectation in the first place so I think I understand.
Yeah, Jisoo you and Crystal summed that up perfectly.
Dude, there's been so many times where I'm limit testing I'll say something fucking it's just quiet I'll be like damn, that was a total miss.
And I'm like, all right I'm gonna go to the bathroom now.
Where you're gonna meet more people.
Where you're gonna meet more people.
Dude I agree though because I think there's a certain desperation When you're speaking with these people you kind of know kind of don't especially if you have a mutual friend You're grasping for topics that aren't related to the mutual friend.
That's and you're just like what the fuck do we talk about?
But you just default to like, oh so mutual friend and you have hung out recently, right?
How'd you guys be no college?
That's sick like this is like that cursed situation when like you're in a group of three hanging out and both of you are really good friends with the third person and they like go to the bathroom or something like that so you're just sitting there like so how's the weather exactly okay but I have a question for you all have you ever turned one of these you know kind of know kind of don't slash mutual friends into a close friend and please share the plan layout I feel like I have but I think for guys it's a lot easier actually you know what I take that back it might be easier for guys because I
feel like sometimes for guys it's like you see each other maybe two or three times and you're like homies hmm but there's been instances where I've seen people like once or twice and then maybe on like the second or third time I'm like, dude, let's go grab a brew sometime, or like, let's go, let's go get coffee or do something.
And we ended up doing that and we just end up hanging out and stuff.
Yeah, I think I've also had this happen.
Well, okay, I can think of like two times that I've tried or like the situation has arose, but I think only one situation was successful.
Once I met someone who was really close friends with a friend of mine at this like, hang out.
She and I like talked the entire night.
A couple months later, we're like, Oh, we should go hang out somewhere and go shopping or something.
So then we like spent the whole day together and then I was kind of like, I don't know where that magic of that night went, but it wasn't feeling as natural or as smooth.
Just with our locations and stuff we just naturally didn't hang out more and I was like, Oh, okay.
But recently, I had that same thing happen, except it was a success story.
And this person, and I are friends now.
So I was like, very happy about it.
I think it takes a lot of effort on both sides.
But also something just has to like, click.
Yeah. I think it's definitely based off personality too.
Because I'm thinking and one of my friends actually met Jisoo.
And I think they ended up hanging out afterwards, too.
I think sometimes when you straight up just ask the other person that you think is like super chill if they're down to hang out.
I think it just takes like one person to bring it up.
And the other side will be like, dude, I'm hella down.
And I feel like you both have to be looking for new friends, maybe.
Or maybe that's just how I feel like sometimes I feel like I'm open to new friends, and then sometimes I'm like closed off.
But yeah, I think in the success stories, I was open.
It's valid. Also, is it specifically the guys like hit each other up after?
Because I feel like a lot of neutral friends you also make by way of just exposure to them, repeated exposures, you'll see them at events a lot and eventually, the next time you see them perhaps in like a group event or just like on the street or something you'll just be like super stoked to see them.
That's true. I think evolving a friendship into a deeper friendship with like one -off people versus groups is a lot harder because then you need both sides to consistently ask to hang out, especially in the beginning a lot to get that repeated exposure.
And then at a certain point you become closer but then like in our adult lives, it's a lot harder to get that.
But if it's just like a person that's a part of another friend's group, then you kind of know like, Oh, I'll probably see them again.
Wait, but Brian, I feel like you had to really turn on the like friend making setting when you were in Seattle.
And I feel like you ended up expanding a pretty large friend group.
Do you feel like that was turning people who are like, in that kind of no kind of don't level to like good friends?
Yeah, I definitely had to like turn on the get over your social fears and just put yourself out there mode.
I feel like it kind of goes back to what you said earlier, where it was kind of like a slow exposure over time to seeing the same people over and over again.
But they were like mutual friends, because it was one of my close friends from home.
It was his group of college friends.
So I guess I kind of inherently like knew I would like hang out with them or want to get to know them more.
I feel like there was definitely more of an effort because I think like when I would see them, we would vibe pretty well, to be honest. Like I knew that if we spent more time together, we'd be really good friends.
At the same time, I feel like from both ends, it was a little bit more of like a laid back or like passive approach to friendship.
So no one really like took huge initiatives on like a one on one level, it was just kind of like getting closer in like the setting of a friend group over time.
But we did kind of like joke about it a lot when we were hanging out a friend group, like we would vibe really well and be like we have to hang out one 1 on 1 and then we wouldn't for like a really long time but I feel like after like a year or two we became really good friends and then we would hang out like 1 on 1 a lot more or it was just like a lot more comfortable and like a lot more of like a foundation of a friendship I think.
Do you guys ever feel awkward when you're trying to, I guess make a friendship into a deeper friendship?
Maybe it's like someone you just meet in a group and then you hit them up afterwards.
Do you guys feel it's awkward in the conversation phase afterwards, I guess?
Honestly, yeah, I feel like it's really difficult to put yourself out there.
And sometimes what kind of throws me off is if someone is really close friends with my close friend, then I know they have that bond.
So that I think subconsciously, instead of letting the friendship slowly get there.
I'm like, Oh, we should be just as close as those two.
And then I'll like, bring up deep topics or something.
And then sometimes, we'll be like having a meal or whatever.
And then I'm like, Whoa, this dinner got like really heavy.
And I think I think it was my fault.
I think the fact that they're even reciprocating with you guys, it just goes to show like how comfortable they feel with you too.
I think I've had it the other way where it's like Jisoo said you share like a really good friend and you know they have chemistry as friends and you have chemistry with the mutual friend too.
So by the transitive property, you guys should, you guys should also like be really good friends.
If you hit them up one -on -one, there can be like this almost pressure a little bit to hope that like it works out and there's definitely been times were like Following up with them afterwards and getting dinner like felt like a little bit more on the awkward side So yeah, I've had like experience like the other way around okay, dude But honestly like one was the last time you hung out with someone one -on -one who you're like maybe not even that close with Dude, I use I don't know if you guys have used this before bumble BFF So I heard one of my friends using it.
Firstly, I didn't know guys had a bumble BFF.
So I was like, dude, I could meet my boys on there.
And I ended up actually making one really good friend.
But the first time we met up to get lunch, so fucking awkward for me.
Cause I'd be I'd be like asking about it.
I'm like, in my head, I'm like, dude, I promise I'm not hitting on you.
This is just this is just part of the process.
Because it's like you're asking them questions about their life.
And it's like the same things you would ask like on a date and stuff.
I'd be like, Oh, you have like older sisters?
That's crazy. Like how was it growing up with like three sisters?
Jayce's like, how many kids do you want?
How long do you want to date before marriage?
I think messaging was even more awkward because I would type something out.
I'd be like, Hmm, I don't want them to misinterpret my intentions right now.
I mean, that's so true.
And I honestly feel like I haven't really hung out with people one on one, unless I'm already really close with them.
it's been a while since I've done that at least, so I'm out of practice.
If I were to hang out with someone one -on -one, and I'm not that close with them, I need to go through my prompts and stuff, refresh them.
Bring them up to 2025 up to date.
Chris is updating her internal Google sheets.
She's patching. She's packaging us!
I'm like, what are appropriate questions to ask at this age now?
Do you guys remember your first few, I guess, social interactions after COVID, when things start opening up more?
I remember when I was at larger events, this is maybe once things started opening up from COVID more, it's been so long since I've talked to strangers and stuff.
In there talking to people, I'd be like, dude, I feel like fucking awkward right now.
Damn! Take me away from here.
I'll say something, I'll be like, That's a miss.
Like I just, I just cringe internally.
I'm just like, why did I even say that?
I have this like distinct memory of going to a party for the first time after Covid and walking in and being like, this is way too loud.
Like I was like actually distressed.
I was like, why are people screaming?
Let's use our inside voices everyone.
My life has been on mute for the last two years.
Oh my God, wait. So true.
I think one of my first bigger social interactions was also like a house party.
And I was just like, oh my god, I don't know how to interact with people right now.
And I think I only had maybe two good friends at that party, and the rest of the people I didn't really know.
So I was like, holy fuck, this is like Awkward Crystal x100.
Crystal got put through the ringer.
I mean, I think that's such a good point actually.
A lot of us had to kind of resocialize ourselves post COVID, myself included.
I think one of the things that really came up as like a constant fear for me when meeting mutual friends or like people I kind of know was this fear that I was doing something in a weird way or like in an awkward way and that everyone was judging me, which I feel like rarely happens, unless you're like really, really reclusive or something, like you're probably completely fine just like a normal functioning member of society but i would talk to people who are mutual friends and have this fear of you know later if my mutual friend were to ask this person like oh i saw you talking to jisu like how'd
it go would this person have something good to say about me or something negative or like neutral and i think that fear would kind of govern and guide the way i was interacting with these people and it would also be the guardrail to feeling comfortable around them Do you still have that now Jisoo?
Yeah. But I think some days it's worse than other days.
Other days I can like really, you know, silence it and put it on mute.
But some days I feel it a lot.
That's valid. Earlier when I was talking about the limit testing, the feeling I had was very similar to what you just brought up too.
I'm just worried that other people would think I'm a fucking weirdo.
Which granted, there have been moments where like I'll say something and afterwards my friend will be like, did you say this to them?
I was like, yeah dude, just don't bring it up man.
Like, I regret saying it.
Tell them I said my bad.
And I feel like it's also just tough because when people are at the level where you don't quite know them, you don't know what you have in common yet.
So what is the question you ask to figure out that, you know, connection?
So it's just like really awkward as you try to cover every single base in the world finding that like one or two connections.
I had this situation come up kind of recently where So I recently moved into a new place and I met a lot of my housemates friends and they invited me to a friendsgiving at the end of last year, and I saw them again because we hosted a Super Bowl thing a couple weeks ago And saw all the same people so I like knew that we had talked to each other and talked for a little bit, but I couldn't remember what we had talked about.
So I didn't really want to like rehash the same conversations.
And I also couldn't remember if they remembered what we talked about either.
So I didn't really want to like, you know, like give it off that I was like faking it or, um, not really knowing like what the fuck I'm doing to be honest. So yeah, it's definitely a tough situation.
Yeah. Dude. Also, I feel like if I were in that situation, I would feel really awkward and I would have the urge to like reintroduce myself, but then that's also like a, oh, shit, what if they're offended?
They're like, wait, we've already met.
Like, you don't need to introduce yourself.
But then also, it's like I want to give them the benefit of the doubt, like, what if, you know, they didn't remember and I'm, I'm letting them off the hook for this time.
Yeah, so this actually did happen to me at the Super Bowl thing.
I said hi to someone and yeah, I think I introduced myself and I kind of played it off as like a in case you don't remember me, but it was definitely like, I'm not sure if I remember you.
But yeah, he was like, super chill about it.
He was like, oh, yeah, like, I remember, we talked a bit like at the last Friendsgiving, I was like, Yeah, exactly.
Like, good to see you again, man.
So I remember, we talked for like an hour.
I thought we became really good friends.
Damn, that's brutal.
I mean, I'm not gonna lie.
Sometimes I feel like it's almost like a social contract.
That person would probably know that you were debating on like, introducing yourself or not.
So then, I feel like he should've just played it off too, like, oh yeah, nice to meet you, blah blah blah.
Because I've been on the receiving side where I'm like, damn, this person is reintroducing themselves to me, but I uphold my end of the social contract and I introduced myself back.
Wait, I almost view it as a acknowledgement, like, oh, don't worry, I remember you.
Oh, interesting. Not a, you know, I'm not trying to say like, hey, yo, what the fuck?
I remember you. It's more like, oh, I remember you too, yeah, don't worry.
I think in those situations, I actually use it as an opportunity to get even more casual with them.
Because as soon as they forget they met you, I feel like I kind of have like the higher ground to just fuck around.
I'll just be like, dude, you seriously forgot?
And then I'll be like dude, we talked for Hellolaws last time, and you can just mess around with him a little bit.
And I'll just be like, dude, I'm just playing.
I don't even remember your name.
Oh. Yeah, I think generally everyone probably has some degree of the same concern, like when they meet someone that they know they've met before, but obviously like the connection is pretty surface level.
So I feel like people are pretty forgiving or understanding if the other person maybe doesn't remember or is also like unsure.
It's definitely happened to me where I kind of remembered and the other person didn't.
I didn't take it too like personally or anything like that, but I think like the thing everyone wants to avoid is awkwardness or like feelings of discomfort.
So everyone just kind of like plays it off, wants to like move past the moment.
Actually, that's a really good point because this reminds me of my 10 year reunion actually, because there's so many people where you once knew to varying degrees, and then now you're like, wait, low key, I don't remember their name.
Or maybe like they've matured.
So you're like, Oh my God, I, this person's so familiar, but I can't place who they are.
And there were definitely some people where I was like, shit, I, I like forgot your name.
And there's part of me where I would, you know, pull up Facebook in the corner and look them up before approaching them just to double check.
I got their name, but there was also moments where you just can't get around it and you're just like, I'm so sorry.
Like, I forgot your name.
But I like I swear I remember who you are.
And then you just like they say their name, and you quickly move on to like whatever conversation you wanted to have from there.
That awkwardness is long forgotten.
Maybe the reunion is kind of a safe space for these awkward interactions because so many people probably forgot their high school classmates, but maybe remembered what setting they met them and whatnot.
But I do remember being at your reunion and like hearing all these conversations around me.
And in the beginning, like the first 30 minutes, even though I wasn't a participant in these conversations, that was grueling.
I was like, holy fuck, this is so awkward. So many people going like, oh, Daniel?
No, no, that's not my name.
Like, it's Samuel. You know, that times like 20.
Have you guys ever run into the situation where, kind of similar to the high school reunion, except it's out of the safe space that Jisoo was talking about like you're like back in your hometown and you're like in a Target or something and you see someone who you know they know you and you know them but you guys weren't like even friends in high school but like you know for sure that you know each other and you're like making eye contact and stuff like that like how would you play that situation yeah like how would you play off that situation okay if you're making eye contact I think you just
you have to go up to them and be like hey or at the very least like give a knowing nod or something What type of eye contact is it?
Is it like you guys are holding it or is it like when you drive up next to you drive up next to someone's car?
Like staring them down across the street Wait you know, I think the best -case scenario is you kind of make eye contact for a split second and then you play it off as a double take You're like, oh my god!
Hey, like, so good to see you So that's what's happened.
More than once I think, pretty common to see people that like you went to school with.
Yeah, definitely not like prolonged eye contact.
I felt like I'd be really comfortable for both parties, but both sides are kind of like checking to see if it is like who they think it is.
And then, yeah, if you like big eye contact, then you kind of just have to go up and strike up a conversation.
Agree. This doesn't happen to me anymore now that we're like old farts and we're just, you know it's relevant.
But back when I had just graduated high school everyone would always go back to this one like boba place and that was like the spot.
Like you would see everyone from high school there and then I would like occasionally go back and like grab drinks and whatnot but after like my second or third year of college I like do not step foot in that facility anymore.
I'm like I don't even want to risk seeing anyone which now it's been so far along since high school Like I doubt I would really run into anyone, but on the off chance that I could, I just straight up don't go there anymore.
Dude, I ran into someone at Costco recently.
That's how you know, we're old, but actually I didn't even see them.
They came up to me and were like, Oh my God, crystal.
And I was like, Oh my God.
Hi. I did have a really big regret though, when I bumped into this old classmate because I definitely know his name and like who he is.
And we were like friends in high school, but throughout that entire interaction, I didn't say his name once.
And I was with my boyfriend.
So at one point I even like turned to my boyfriend and was like, oh, this is my boyfriend and they introduce each other to each other.
And then I was like, dude, this totally looks like I didn't know his name.
And I like scapegoated with my like boyfriend to like get his name, but I should have just started out with like, hi X.
So yeah, that lingered in my mind for a few days.
Wait Crystal, on the topic of using your boyfriend as a scapegoat, that's such a crazy good text to get names.
There's definitely been situations where I've brought a mutual to an event and I don't know some of the people.
I know them, but I don't forget their names, and I was like, oh, everyone, meet my friend x, y, and then they'll go around and introduce themselves individually.
And I'll just be creeping on the side, listening for the names, and I'll be like, ah, that's who you are.
Damn, but sometimes when I see people do that, I'm like, this person definitely doesn't know the other person's name.
You think you're slick?
I was so regretful after.
I did know other people did this too.
This is like the college party trick.
You know? This is like what I discovered freshman year of college, and I thought I was the smartest person ever.
Yeah, like, oh have you met my friends by the way?
You just listen real closely and say reintroduce themselves.
Yeah. I literally remember I brought Brian to like a house party recently and that's literally what I used.
There's like six people there and I was like yeah I don't fucking remember them.
Wow, Brian do you feel used?
Yeah, basically just manipulated me under the guise of friendship.
Dude, but on this topic of older friends from like, you know, high school or maybe even college where you were close at one point, but now you've grown apart, would you categorize that friendship as almost reset?
Like a factory reset, I guess?
And now they're more of a, you know, in that you kind of know them, you kind of don't.
Or would you say they're still like a close friend that you just need to like catch up with?
I think there are certain people who I used to be really close with and now after high school you drifted apart.
When I see them it's definitely more like mutual friend type of vibe.
I don't know if it's a little weird feeling though because sometimes when their pictures come up it'll be like, oh dude, I'm so glad he's doing well.
Like I wish only the best for him.
Like, even though we're not like close close anymore, when I see him it's more like we're acquaintances, but all the memories of the pastor is still there.
It's like a very particular and like weird situation I think because...
I also had this come up recently where I hung out with two friends and one of them I still keep in contact with a lot and the other one we were like really close in high school and for a few years in college but she moved to the east coast and we just kind of naturally drifted so when we were hanging out it kind of felt like I didn't know her anymore but it's it was kind of weird because at the same time like I know so much about her or we've had like so many times together but but the last like five to seven years, we weren't really in each other's life.
So it kind of felt in some ways even more awkward than talking to like a mutual friend that you don't know about all.
Because I think both of you like know that at one point, you're really close.
So there's almost this expectation to try to rehash it a little bit, but it's just not really it doesn't always work out like that.
So yeah, I think it's both the expectation and also the fact that when you guys are gone for that long, especially since we're still in our 20s.
Five years is you can change a lot in five years.
Five years is longer than high school.
It's like longer than college potentially too.
Just like, you don't share as much in common as used to.
I was on the West Coast this whole time.
She's on the East Coast. We don't really keep in contact with the same people anymore.
So there's the relatability factor that's honestly gone down a lot which is pretty important for, I think, being able to maintain friendships that you don't see very often, I guess.
yeah yeah it's tough i guess i kind of see friendship as a max rank whatever maximum your friendship was that's kind of like the legacy it would always stay at past a certain age if you're really close friends with someone in college even if you drift apart that friendship isn't any less meaningful maybe it's just like faded you know dude to add on to that it's like in competitive games where you have like ranks you have decay if you don't play for a while Yeah, your friendship decay.
Damn. No longer on your top friends list. No, but definitely I think my favorite friendships are I guess they're like low maintenance friends.
This is like probably a completely different topic, but it's people who you could literally not see for like years and then you see them and you can just like, pick up where you left off.
I totally agree with that sentiment.
But when thinking a little deeper about those kinds of friendships, I feel like there's two important factors.
One is when that friendship was first made, I feel like that affects that feeling of like you can pick it up whenever, because maybe when it was made, you already had that in place where you didn't see them every single day.
And so the building blocks of that friendship can maintain strong because that's what it was built on.
And then I think the second factor is there might still actually be an eventual limit.
Maybe that kind of friendship just has a longer limit that you don't have to see them.
You know, maybe it's like two to three years, but once it hits like, for example, five years, then you're like, Oh, shoot.
Actually, I probably know less about them than I thought I did at this point.
That's valid. Just a working theory though.
Sounds like a warning for Jonathon, like I feel like Crystal articulated that so well.
I was like, she must have been thinking about this.
Yeah, you gave like a dissertation.
You're like, just a theory.
I did K though. Yeah, actually it was my thesis.
Yeah, but that's just me.
Yeah, that's just me though.
I think at the end of the day, my perspective is that someone you were once really close with, that never fades.
There's like someone I see from time to time, that person and I used to be like super close friends.
And when I see that person still, I feel like it feels very normal.
We're not like having the most deep conversations or anything.
But I'll still know what kinds of things this person likes or what kind of interests they might have. I think all in all, it's better than just a mutual friend.
You might not know them as well as you once did, but because you once knew them so well it still counts for something.
I think that makes sense.
It won't ever turn into nothing basically.
And the comfort and stuff is still there, like you can be quiet around them and it'll feel fine.
Yeah. Have you guys ever had any funny instances of seeing someone where you kind of knew?
Oh god, it's my time to shine.
So the story is a little cringe and I haven't thought about this in a long time.
Like today's the first time I've thought about it in a while.
Basically there was this one time where it was a friend's birthday dinner.
So they were like, Oh, I want to go grab dinner at this one restaurant.
And it was like a big group thing.
I think maybe like 10 or 12 of us like gathered around this big table at that restaurant.
And everyone's just like chatting amongst themselves.
We haven't ordered anything yet.
Our waitress walks in.
And I look up and I was like, Oh, shit.
It's like a familiar face because literally the year prior I had gone on this tour group travel thing.
I like went to Europe with my mom and we had booked this Korean tour group.
So then we were like traveling around Europe with a group of like 30 or 40 other people.
And she and I were like, similar age.
So we like chatted a little bit during the tour, but nothing crazy.
We weren't like besties or anything.
It was just like a couple of conversations here and there.
And she had walked in at that restaurant as our waitress.
When I looked up, she also recognized me.
So everyone kind of stopped talking over, like looking over at us.
And in my like state of panic, she was like, hi, Oh my God.
And I was like, hi, nice to meet.
And after I said that, I was like, Holy fuck.
I could feel my entire body like flush red.
Like my face was like hot, like on fire.
And then she was like, yeah, it's so good to see you.
And then she like walked away.
And after that, I was like, I need to destroy this memory I don't wanna hold this in my brain anymore.
Wait, so did you never clarify to her that you actually do remember her?
No, I said, hi, nice to meet you in the intonation of like, oh my God, it's so good to see you, except the words coming out of my mouth were, hi, it's nice to meet you.
And we like shook hands or kind of held hands or whatever.
But yeah, it was super cringe, and that actually is gonna start haunting me, keeping me up at night now.
Now that I re -remembre this memory.
We'll be staring at the ceiling walls today.
How could I do her like that?
Wait, oh my god. I kind of remember a pretty embarrassing story.
I recovered decently from it.
It was actually at my reunion and there was someone who I was talking with.
She actually also went to our high school, but she was a different grade, and so she came as a plus one to the event.
I knew her. I had a class with her.
But at first it didn't register.
And she was talking to me like she knew me.
But I was like, oh, you know, this is just like a high school reunion.
I guess. Oh, I actually don't even know what I was thinking.
But at some point, I was like, wait, like coming to realize mid conversation, like, I know this person.
And I remember their name.
I remember the class we had.
And then I remember like, my life with her flashed before my eyes.
My life with her is crazy.
Or her moments in my life flashed before my eyes and I was like, dude, how do I recover from this?
So I feel like there must have been a moment, like she must have noticed because it clicked in my mind and then I like started asking her relevant questions about like our experiences in high school and stuff and later I was like okay I think I like kind of recovered there but I think the first like five minutes was probably just terrible Do you think she knew the whole time that, like when she came up to talk to you, did she know who you were?
She definitely knew who I was Chris is giving her like lowball small talk questions like weather and halfway through She's like, dude, do you remember when we talked about like, wait, it was literally something like that.
So I was like, dude, she definitely knows.
Okay. It's okay. Save space.
Yeah. You know, my fumble is probably I ask questions that were a little too specific later.
Just over corrected way too long.
Hey, Krista. I know that feeling.
You know, it does make me feel better that we all, in our own ways, have some anxieties or fears, or maybe even embarrassing stories about running into people you kind of know kind of don't.
So thank you, Brian and Jonathan today for coming to chat about a slightly vulnerable part of our lives.
And for any of our listeners out there, if any of this resonated with you, or you have any embarrassing stories about running into people you kind Then definitely hit us up.
We have email eatyourcrustpod at gmail .com, and we also have Instagram at eatyourcrustpod.
And don't forget to follow us on Spotify, Apple podcasts, wherever you get your podcasts, we upload new episodes every other Wednesday morning.
Thanks for listening.
And don't forget to eat your crust.
