And the absence of side effects means that Inflamin-X can be taken in conjunction with other medications.
It's a brand new day.
Such a good tagline.
I forgot who came up with that.
You did.
That's right, I did.
Okay, I know it's late.
I've been working you guys really hard, so I have a little treat for you.
We get to go home?
No, you get to stay here and get vitamin B12 shots.
Oh, my God.
You guys are still here?
We're happy to be here.
It's a brand new day.
It's 1215.
It's literally a brand new day.
Everybody go home.
All right, fine.
Go.
Get out of here.
Go on.
I think things are going pretty good.
Are you aware that Dave's in the break room crying?
Yeah.
I told him if he's going to be a crybaby, go to the break room.
I just really want to be prepared for this conference.
You're going to do great.
You really think so?
Of course.
They're scared of you.
You're scared of me.
The system works.
You got a sec, sure?
What's up?
Uh, bad news.
I spoke to my supervisor about heading up your sales team and she said she just can't lose me right now.
Do you want me to call her?
I could rip her a new one.
No no, no ripping um.
Anyway, i don't want to leave her short-handed.
So, i'm sorry.
I respect that.
That's what makes you a good employee.
No, thank you.
It's just such a bummer.
I know just ugh.
Are you sure you don't want me to call her?
Oh, no, I'm sure.
Definitely sure.
Don't call her.
But, you know, just... Hey, you wanted to see me?
Yeah, come on in.
Okay.
Close the door.
Okay.
Have a seat.
Do I have to?
You really do.
So I talked to your supervisor and she said that she never stopped you from working on my team because you never asked her.
Really?
You know, you should know.
She's been taking our new antidepressant and lying is one of the main side effects.
Why don't you want to work with me?
I know I can be tough, but that's just because I'm surrounded by useless idiots.
No, it's not that.
Then why?
Honestly, I don't know if I'm up to it.
You know, the last project I managed was my high school yearbook.
And?
And that was the year we didn't have one.
Apparently the printers won't make them without getting paid.
What happened to the money?
If I didn't know then, I'm not going to magically know now.
Plus, you know, I didn't go to college.
I'd be in charge of people that are far more educated with more experience.
What if they don't listen to me?
Then you'd be really mean to them.
Have I taught you nothing?
I mean, everybody feels like you do, like they're not good enough, not smart enough.
What, even you?
Of course.
Dr. Rostenkowski, you want to meet your- Hey, did I not teach knocking at Stanford?
Get out!
I love that kid.
All right, now I'm sure some of you are wondering, who is this woman?
How did she get to be in charge of the sales team?
Is it because she's friends with Dr. Rostenkowski?
Because she is.
Is it because she was Miss Cornhusker 2001 and still fits in those very same jeans?
Because she was, and she does, and they're actually a little baggy.
Or is it because she's the best damn salesperson here?
Because I am.
Now that we're clear on that, here are the drug specs and marketing strategy for Inflaminex.
Which, now that I say it out loud, might be a placeholder.
By tomorrow, I want everyone to have this committed to memory.
Do you have it committed to memory?
You want to have a contest, Karen?
Winner gets a yogurt.
No, boss.
All right, now we all know what we need to do.
Let's go do it.
Right now!
Get out of here!
Go!
That was really impressive.
Damn right it was impressive.
Okay, that tone doesn't work with me.
Sorry, boss.
Benny.
Benny.
Hey, Sheldon.
It's 11 a.m.
I know.
You're safe.
This package came while you were at work.
Oh, great.
My rhinestones.
Thank you.
Excuse me.
What?
You have to sign this.
What is it?
When I signed for the package, I was deputized by the United Parcel Service and entrusted with its final delivery.
I now need you to acknowledge receipt of the package so that I'm fully indemnified and no longer liable.
Sheldon, it's just a box of rhinestones.
Well, the contents are irrelevant.
A legal bailment has been created.
Does that mean nothing to you?
It means nothing to anybody.
Come here, let me show you what I'm doing.
Bailment describes a relationship in common law where a physical possession of personal property or chattels is transferred from one person, the bailer, to another person, the bailer.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Look, look, look, I started a business.
Obviously not a cleaning business.
No, I'm making flower barrettes.
See?
I called them penny blossoms.
I made one for myself, and then all the girls at work wanted one.
Then I showed some to this lady who runs a shop in Old Town.
She sells cards and homemade jewelry.
She said she wanted to sell them.
I said, okay.
And in one week, I made $156.
Good for you.
Sign here.
Sherilyn, don't you get it?
If this takes off, I won't have to be a waitress anymore.
But then who will bring me my cheeseburger on Tuesday nights?
Another waitress?
What's her name?
I don't know.
And you're going to let her handle my food?
Nancy.
Her name is Nancy.
I think you're just making that up.
Charlotte, I'm sorry about your hamburger, okay?
I just don't want to be a waitress for the rest of my life.
Cheeseburger.
I get a cheeseburger.
Fine.
Cheeseburger.
Maybe I'll be better off with Nancy.
So, what do you think?
I mean, this could be a business, right?
How many of these can you make a day?
About 20.
And how much profit do you make per penny blossom?
I don't know, like 50 cents?
I'm not sure.
Of course you're not.
All right.
$10 a day times five days a week times 52 weeks a year is $2,600.
That's all?
Before taxes.
Well, I don't have to pay taxes on this stuff.
I believe the Internal Revenue Service would strongly disagree.
But if you took advantage of modern marketing techniques and you optimized your manufacturing process, you might be able to make this a viable business.
And you know about that stuff?
Penny.
I'm a physicist.
I have a working knowledge of the entire universe and everything it contains.
Who's Radiohead?
I have a working knowledge of the important things in the universe.
Good luck.
Sheldon, hold on.
Could you maybe show me how to make more money with this?
Of course I could.
So wait.
Will you?
Just to be clear here, you're asking for my assistance.
Yes.
And you understand that will involve me telling you what to do?
I understand.
And you're not allowed to be sarcastic or snide to me while I'm doing so.
Okay.
Good.
Let's begin with the premise that everything you've done up to this point is wrong.
Oh, imagine that.
Sarcasm.
Goodbye.
Okay, it's just an audition.
Why am I nervous?
Maybe it's a good thing.
Just means I want it.
And I can have it.
This feels right.
Why did I ever give this up?
I'm starting to remember.
Penny?
Oh, hey!
Hey!
I haven't seen you auditioning in a while.
Yeah, I got a job as a pharmaceutical sales rep.
You quit acting?
Kind of, but now I get to act like inflamed heart is only a mild side effect.
I heard you can make a money doing that.
Yeah, it's going okay, but I do miss this sometimes.
Really?
Because I gotta tell you, I am so sick of the humiliation and being treated like a piece of meat.
Chelsea?
Wish me luck.
They're gonna love you.
I heard she's pushing 40 and everything's fake.
Yeah, I started that rumor.
I mean, the whole experience reminded me about how much I hated that world.
You know, the anxiety, the depression, the negativity.
I don't want to feel those things.
I want to sell drugs to people who feel those things.
I can't believe you got up and walked out of an audition for a big movie.
I did.
I mean, I walked in, read for the part, then stunk up the place, but then I walked right out.
I'm glad you have a new appreciation for your job.
I do.
And you know, I don't think I've ever thanked you properly for helping me get it.
Properly?
At all.
It's just words I've never heard.
Well, thank you.
You're a good friend, and you changed my life.
You're welcome.
Now that you're making some real money, maybe you could take your friend out for a nice thank you dinner.
Sure.
And you probably have to invite your other friend because she overheard you talking about it and it would be awkward to exclude her.
Okay.
How about now?
All right.
Don't forget your wallet.
I do.
So, why do you think you'd make a good pharmaceutical sales rep?
Well, I'm a people person.
People like me.
Some of my favorite people are people.
I feel like I'm saying people a lot.
People, people, people.
OK, I'm done.
You sure?
People, yes.
Good.
So how do you feel your previous job experience has prepared you for a career like this?
Well, as a waitress, sales was a big part of my job.
I mean, believe me, I convinced a lot of very large customers who should not be eating cheesecake to have more cheesecake.
I mean, one of those chubsters even had an insulin pump.
I have an insulin pump.
All right, let's say a physician was prescribing one of our competitor's drugs.
How would you convince them to switch to ours?
Any chance his car needs to be washed by a girl in a bikini?
Okay, I'm really sorry for wasting your time.
Don't worry about it.
Thanks for stopping by.
Okay, thanks.
Um, I'm sorry.
Listen, could you do me a favor and not tell Bernadette how badly I blew this interview?
She'll get upset, and honestly, I'm a little terrified of her.
You're scared of Bernadette?
Yeah, kinda.
I thought it was just me!
Everyone thinks she's so nice with a squeaky little voice. but she's kind of a bully.
She is.
I didn't even want to meet you, but I was too scared to say no to her.
Me too.
One time I had to tell her we were cutting the research funding for one of the drugs she was developing.
What happened?
I couldn't do it.
She's still working on it.
Oh, we're not gonna tell her about this, right?
Oh, my God, no.
Hello.
I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper.
Welcome to Sheldon Cooper Presents Fun With Flags.
My apologies that this episode is coming late.
I did shoot one last week in honor of Black History Month, but I was informed by my roommate that my spot-on portrayal of George Washington Carver could be considered wildly racist.
My heart goes out to the members of the African-American community who, like me, have been kept down by the man.
Now, fun with flags is not just for the flag aficionado.
It's also for the flag novice.
So to help me with that, please welcome my friend, neighbor, and flag virgin, yet not a real virgin.
She's had coitus many times.
Sometimes within earshot of this flag enthusiast.
Once while he was trying to watch The Incredibles.
Penny.
Hello.
So Penny, I understand you would like to learn more about flags.
Yeah, I can't tell you how many times I've been at a party where everyone's talking about flags and I just couldn't join in.
Well, you came to the right place.
I'm sorry, can we just pause for a minute?
What's wrong?
I just think it might look more natural if you talk to me instead of the camera.
You know, like a real conversation.
It's something we work on in my acting class.
Interesting.
A few people in the comments section have said that my delivery is robotic.
Perhaps that isn't the compliment it sounds like.
Yeah, let's try it again, and maybe this time you could work on your body language a bit.
You know, when you're all hunched like that, you're shutting the audience out, but when you're relaxed and open, you're inviting them in.
Right.
And which one do I want?
Let's try open.
Our friend the flag's taught me anything is to go where the wind takes you, as long as you remain firmly attached to a rigid pole.
And action.
So, Penny, what sort of flag questions keep you awake at night?
Um, well, I'm from Nebraska, so what can you tell me about the state flag?
Gosh, Penny.
What'd you have for breakfast?
A big glass of good question juice?
The Nebraska state flag is simply the state seal on a field of blue.
Spread your legs, invite them in.
Never been on this side of the table before.
I feel powerful.
Really?
I feel like I'm selling candy so our team can get new uniforms.
Okay, so it's $4.75 for a sign black and white and $9.95 for a color.
All right, why not $5 and $10?
I brought my money maker.
Let me shake it.
Hey, that guy's looking over here.
Oh, you think he's your first autograph?
I don't know.
Be cool.
He's coming.
He's coming.
Hi hi, i love your movie.
Oh, thanks.
It has got to be one of the worst things i've ever seen in my life.
Your love confuses me.
Would you like an autograph?
Sure okay, who do i make it out to, daniel?
Okay, i have to ask were you trying to be that bad or are you just a terrible actress?
That did not clear things up.
That'll be 475.
Keep the change.
But I... Nothing about that was good.
Thank you so much for letting us pick your brain.
Yeah, happy to help.
So what's going on?
Well, I'm having an impossible time getting my career off the ground and I got offered a role in this crappy horror movie and I just don't know if I should take it.
Well, I've certainly taken some jobs that I've been embarrassed by.
I wouldn't exactly call Star Trek embarrassing.
I wasn't.
Me either.
So what do you think?
Is there a professional downside to doing it?
Well, it's tricky.
You want to take projects that you're excited about, but sometimes you also have to pay the bills.
When you're on the set, working on something that you just know in your heart is bad, not Star Trek.
Beam me up, I love it!
Anyway, those jobs can be soul-crushing.
That's what I'm afraid of.
I was in Stand By Me when I was a kid, and it was a huge success.
The terrible movies I did came after that, and imagine how that feels.
Sounds rough.
I'm telling you, this business is brutal.
To this day, I hate going on auditions.
I walk in, and I can just feel them thinking, he was such a cute kid.
What happened to him?
And then I don't get the job, and I can never find out why.
Honestly, I get so depressed.
There are entire weeks that I can't even get out Okay, this was helpful.
How's that feel?
Great.
Not like regret at all.
Penny?
We're working together!
Awesome!
Hey, you guys ready to order?
Since we come in every Tuesday night at six o'clock and order the same exact thing, and it's now 608.
I believe your question not only answers itself, but also stands alongside such other nonsensical queries as who let the dogs out and how are they hanging?
Okay, so the usual with extra spit on Sheldon's hamburger.
Penny, a moment.
Do you have plans this weekend?
Oh, gee, Amy, I'm sorry.
I'm actually pretty busy this weekend.
Probably serving food that was ordered today.
That's too bad.
I was hoping you could be my plus one at the Institute of Interdisciplinary Study Symposium on the impact of current scientific research on societal interactions.
The what?
It's an annual science conference.
We've all been invited to speak.
Oh, okay, well, you know, like I said, I have plans, so.
Shame.
Since you're my best friend, I thought it would be a good bonding opportunity.
I'm your best friend?
Don't you read my blog?
Oh, don't feel bad.
I never read Leonard's, and I used to sleep with him.
Do you know anybody else who would appreciate an all-expense-paid spa weekend at a four-star resort in Big Sur?
No, I'm sorry, free what?
Sorry, what, what?
I think her weekend just opened up.
Wait wait, just to be clear.
When you guys say spa, does that mean the same thing as when regular people say it?
Pretty much.
Except we keep our shirts on in the sauna.
You know it is going to be difficult, but I'm going to cancel my plans so I can do this for my bestie.
Please don't touch my breasts.
I wasn't going to.
All right, I just want to establish boundaries.
Boy, this is great.
I haven't had a vacation in ages.
In order to take a vacation, one first has to work.
You know for a smart guy.
You really seem to have a hard time grasping the concept.
Don't piss off the people who handle the things you eat.
That does seem to be a valid principle.
I trust Penny will adhere to the official California restaurant worker's solemn oath of ethics and cleanliness.
I don't believe there's any such thing.
You lied to me?
What the hell is that?
I don't know, but if cats could sing, they'd hate it too.
Hey, guys!
Hi!
Where are you going?
What?
We just had to mail some letters.
And... throw away some chicken.
You'll never guess what just happened.
I give up.
I don't guess.
As a scientist, I reach conclusions based on observation and experimentation.
Although, as I'm saying this, it occurs to me you may have been employing a rhetorical device, rendering my response moot.
What was that?
Believe it or not, personal growth.
What happened?
All right, remember when I auditioned for that workshop production of Rent but I didn't get it and I couldn't figure out why.
I have a conclusion based on an observation.
No, you don't.
No, he doesn't.
Well, the girl they picked to play Mimi, she dropped out, and they asked me to replace her.
Oh, congratulations.
What a lucky break.
It's not a big deal, just a one-night showcase, but they invite a lot of casting people and agents, so you never know.
I think I know.
No, you don't.
He doesn't.
It's this Friday at 8.
Do you guys want to come?
No.
Because Friday, we are attending a symposium on molecular positronium.
That's a week from Tuesday at 6.
No, it's this Friday.
At 8.
Oh, too bad.
Well, I gotta get to rehearsal.
See you guys.
See ya.
Let's go out tonight.
You just lied to Penny.
Yes, I did.
And you did it so casually.
No rapid breathing, no increase in perspiration.
So?
So lack of a physiological response while lying is characteristic of a violent sociopath.
Sheldon, are you worried about your safety?
No.
I imagine if you were going to kill me, you'd have done it a long time ago.
That's very true.
Check the app store.
No one is doing handwriting recognition differential equation solving.
Oh, dear Lord, shush.
What?
You have so few good ideas, Leonard.
And you're just gonna spill the beans in front of an outsider?
Umu?
Sheldon, I don't think Penny cares about handwriting recognition based differences.
The stars at night are big and bright.
Deep in the heart of Texas.
She's not going to steal our idea.
What idea?
We're going to write an application.
The prairie sky is wide and high.
Deep in the heart.
Okay, stop, stop.
Of Texas.
Whatever your secret is, I'm sure it's boring, so I'm not interested.
It's not boring at all.
You see, in higher order mathematics, there are certain sets of equations that- Bored.
Satisfied?
Hardly.
Consider this unlikely, but very plausible scenario.
A young woman alone in the big city.
Her ridiculous dream of becoming an actress lies shattered about her.
Hey, wait a minute.
Hang on, let's see where he's going.
Then it hits her.
How is she going to survive?
But she has no prospects, no marketable skills.
And then one day she meets a group of geniuses and their friend Howard.
Hang on, let's see where he's going.
She befriends them and then lies in wait until they reveal a marketable idea, which she steals and sells to the highest bidder.
That is ridiculous.
Oh, is it?
Let's see you come up with an explanation as to why this woman hangs out with us all the time.
Okay, you know what?
I've already mooched dinner off you guys.
I don't need to listen to this.
There's your answer, free food.
Barca doesn't have those kind of resources.
No, and that's why he had Aaron Pace rewired.
I'm so proud of you.
You haven't even gotten to my scene yet.
I know, but you're going to be a TV star and you haven't left me yet.
That takes guts.
I don't know about you, but I'm very uncomfortable with all this.
Why?
I've never seen this show before, and now I'm starting with episode 246?
It's unnatural.
Just think of the first 245 as the prequel.
All right.
Guys, guys, this is it.
I guess it's you and me, kid.
What are you doing?
I'm trying to make peace.
What, good?
Good.
Are you kidding me?
What's wrong?
Well, the diner scene.
Where's my diner scene?
Don't ask me until I see the prequel.
I'm lost.
There's supposed to be a big scene with me and Mark Harmon, but it's gone.
What happened?
They must have cut it.
Oh, Penny.
I'm sorry.
That stinks.
Sure, you were great.
This doesn't make any sense.
I mean, I thought I did a really good job.
I've been studying how to make people laugh.
They say that comedy is tragedy plus time.
Let's tickle some ribs.
Okay, let me guess.
Quesadilla with soy cheese for the lactose intolerant Leonard.
Thank you.
Shrimp Caesar salad with no almonds for the highly allergic kosher-only-on-the-high-holidays Howard.
And for our suddenly-back-on-the-Hindu-wagon Raj, meat-lovers pizza, no meat.
Coming right up.
Wait, excuse me.
You forgot my barbecue bacon cheeseburger.
Barbecue sauce, bacon, and cheese on the side.
Oh, I didn't tell you.
You're banished from the Cheesecake Factory.
Why?
Well, you have three strikes.
One coming in, two sitting down, and three, I don't like your attitude.
You can't do that.
Not only is it a violation of California state law, it flies directly in the face of Cheesecake Factory policy.
Yeah, I know.
There's a new policy.
No shoes, no shirt, no Sheldon.
I bet we could sell that sign all over Pasadena.
Oh, hey Sheldon.
Hello.
You okay?
I'm on vacation, what do you think?
Why are you sitting in the stairwell?
Leonard told me to stay.
Oh.
Well, good boy.
Where are you going?
A ton of errands to run.
I need to make copies of my headshot, send them off to agents, and sign up for a new acting class.
Have fun.
Okay.
You want to come with me?
Really?
Come on, boy.
Come on.
Let's go.
I can't believe I ditched work for Disneyland.
What did you tell your boss?
Oh, I was very clever.
I did it in stages.
At 7 last night I called about a problem at the lab and casually mentioned I was going out for seafood.
At 9.30, I called and told him that one of my scallops tasted weird.
At 11.30, I called and said I was throwing up like a fire hose.
At 12.45, I called and made nothing but dry heaving sounds.
And now I'm going to Disneyland!
Penny, what did you say?
I work at the Cheesecake Factory.
I said bye.
So what are we going to do first?
I don't know about you guys, but I'm going to make a beeline for the place that gives you a princess makeover.
Oh, that sounds like fun.
You're kidding, right?
We're not just going to get drunk and go on rides?
Come on, do it with us.
All right, whatever.
How does it work?
Okay, so you pick your princess.
Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, Cinderella.
They give you hair, makeup, the works.
Guess it would be fun to be Cinderella.
Oh, I want to be Cinderella, too.
Yeah.
We can't all be Cinderella.
Then how do we decide?
Well, it's simple.
This was my idea.
I'm driving.
I'm Cinderella.
You bitches got a problem with that, we could stop the car right now.
Zangent's a fine company.
They got a couple of good drugs, but we control 60% of the market.
Hell, commissions on just our fungal creams will put you in a new Mercedes.
Danny, Danny, look at me.
Does this face sell fungal creams?
No.
This face is cholesterol drugs and above.
Playing hard to get, huh?
No one's ever accused me of that before.
Look, why don't I just give you a number and see what you think?
Ooh, are you gonna write it on a napkin and slide it over to me?
No, I was just gonna say it.
Aw.
Do you want me to write it on a napkin and slide it over to you?
Yeah.
You got it.
Danny, you rat bastard!
What?
I'm just making your friend an offer.
Yeah, he's writing it on a napkin like in the movies.
It's not an offer.
Do you know how amazing this girl is?
Oh, you think I'm amazing?
Stay out of this.
I'm serious.
Not only is she a hell of a salesperson, she's the hardest worker I've ever seen.
I know.
That's why I'm trying to steal her from you.
Well then, you're going to have to do a lot better than this, because I promise you I'm not going to let her go without a fight.
You do not want that.
She's a biter.
Just think about it.
You know, I don't have to.
Thanks, but I'm happy where I am.
Let's go.
Can I just see what he wrote on the napkin?
What napkin?
Nobody knows the trouble I've seen.
Nobody knows my sorrow.
Whatcha doing?
Trying to contact your home planet?
I'm practicing my theremin.
Something got you down there, Sheldon?
Leonard kicked me out of my own apartment and his app team.
Aw, honey, I'm sorry.
He wouldn't drive me to work today.
I had to wear my bus pants.
Is that so?
Yes, and they're still sticky.
Aw.
Probably gonna have to throw them away.
Well, hey, you don't need Leonard and his app.
You can make one with me.
With you?
Seriously, I have a great idea for one.
Was it better than your idea to move to Los Angeles and become a famous actress?
Okay look, when you see someone wearing shoes you like, you just snap a picture of them and the app goes on the internet to find out where you can buy them.
That's your app idea?
You don't like it?
I didn't say that.
But no, I don't.
OK.
These are hugs.
These are crocs.
These are knockoff Manolo Blahniks.
Bored.
Look, you said it yourself.
We have to create a database before you can write an alga thingy.
Algorithm.
You see, Penny, Alan Turing defined an algorithm.
Bored.
These are Steve Maddens.
These are Nine West.
These are Target.
Oh, but don't they look like Chanel?
These are Michael Kors.
These are Roxy.
These are Sashel.
