Hi, my name is Paul Scheer.
And I feel optimistic about being Conan O'Brien's friend.
Well, I hate to break it to you, buddy.
No, I knew it.
It's a crusher optimism.
But this is all for tax purposes.
You understand that.
Fall is here, hear the yell.
Back to school, ring the bell.
Hey there, welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend.
Joined as always by Sona and Matt.
Hi.
Nice to see you both.
And we have a little bit of a follow-up we need to do today, because our audio genius Eduardo, was invited to speak at a career day.
Is this right?
That's right.
Why don't you tell us Eduardo, fill us in in case anyone missed the last episode where you set the table.
No problem.
So just to refresh the audience, I got invited by my cousin who's a teacher at Altaloma High School, Mr Morano, to speak to their students as part of a career day.
Okay.
To tell them what you do.
To tell them what I do.
And to refresh, we talked a little bit about, well, these are high school students.
Yeah.
None of us have any confidence that they will know anything about this podcast.
And so there was a concern that you would get up and say okay I, I work on this podcast, going to buy needs a friend, and you'd just get blank faces, which would be totally appropriate.
And also make me feel better about the country.
Yeah.
If young people didn't know us.
Uh, so what happened?
So.
As you mentioned, I was terrified going into it but, thanks to you guys, everyone here participated and gave me some pointers.
So I decided that night that we had this discussion to put together like a five-minute sizzle reel.
Yeah, we thought maybe a sizzle reel would be good where you're showing them people, us with people they may like.
Exactly.
So I did that and I showed up and I got to speak to three total classes, about 25 students each.
A total of 80 students, I think, is what I counted.
And I kept track for you because I wanted to report back as to who may be aware of your work.
It was a total of seven students.
Seven out of how many?
80.
Okay.
You know what?
Just do the percentage on that.
Yeah.
Less than 10%.
Who am I kidding?
I don't know how to calculate that.
It's a little less than 10%.
Okay.
It's a little less than 10%.
Well, listen, these are high school students.
Right.
They probably know, you know, Tate McRae.
Oh.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
And listen, I'm the first one to tell you, I'm no Tate McRae.
I'm the first one to ask, who's Tate McRae?
She's a big, huge star right now.
You know, I'm no Sabrina Carpenter, you know, and I'm no Dua Lipa.
I'm also no ASAP Rocky, ASAP Rocky, you know.
I like to spell it out, ASAP.
I know, but it's weird when you do that.
I know.
So I get it.
I get it.
Now, am I wounded?
Yes.
I'll just say that I gained a newfound appreciation and respect for A, high school teachers.
That's a tough gig.
So shout out to all of them.
They're doing good work.
Yeah.
And I also weirdly got an appreciation for people like you who get to stand in front of crowds, because at one point I like ran out of all my material and I was like, should I start juggling?
Yeah.
What do I do here?
But no, it was great.
It was a pleasant experience.
What stars would they know that we've talked to?
So I picked, as you guys had suggested, I picked Ryan Reynolds.
I picked Iowa Debris.
I did Billie Eilish.
And then I showed some of your hot ones footage.
Was that just met with horror?
It got laughs.
Okay.
It got laughs.
And then a little brief opening of the Oscars.
Okay.
Not the Demi Moore part.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You just coming out.
It was Billy Crystal hosting.
Yes, exactly.
I love that.
And this is a show called the Oscars.
This is Billy Crystal.
He did it the correct way.
That's, it's great that you did that.
I want to say six or seven kids raised their hand, but I bet more know who you are and are just no, you are shaking your head.
Oh, you were shaking your head.
No, they don't.
That was between you and me.
Oh, okay.
I think a lot more kids know of you.
They're just, I think there's this nervousness about being like, I know him.
I made the mistake that when, because my cousin was taking roll, these aren't normally his students.
These were people who were assigned to his classroom, right?
To see whoever was speaking that day.
One person had the last name O'Brien, and I confidently, was like you might know who he is.
And she just looked at me like, who are you talking about, bro?
Tell them about the one guy.
Okay, so yeah.
That was his daughter.
The part that I was buried, I guess I buried the lead.
The sweetest part was at the very end.
One of the students that had raised their hands when asked if they knew who you were came up to me at the very end.
He's like, hey, Can I just say, I'm actually a really huge fan of Conan O'Brien.
Oh, that's nice.
He says he watched a lot of your clips for late night and he had a piece of paper like notebook paper in his hand.
And he started to proceed to ask me like is there any way he could, maybe?
And he started gesturing like that you would sign something for him.
And I said, do me a favor.
Can you write your name on the piece of paper, which.
I brought with me, his name's Cain.
Cain, what a cool name.
I can't use his last name, but here's the piece of paper.
Cain B. from Altaloma High School.
Yes.
Oh, I love his kid.
Yeah, he was a fan.
He was very sweet, very sincere.
And yeah, so I thought that was cool.
Well, Cain, listen, I love that you like our nonsense.
You truly are one of a hundred.
You're a one in a hundred person.
And yeah, we'll figure out something to send him.
I think he wants you to sign that.
He literally gave me that paper thinking like if he could just sign this.
And I was like, we'll hook you up, Kane.
Yeah, maybe we could get him more than that.
For sure.
Let's see if we can elevate this for Kane.
What are we talking about here?
What can we get him?
A car?
We can't get him a car.
A t-shirt?
Yeah, we also have.
When we put in the electrical stuff here, there's a lot of ducting that's left over.
He's back on ducting.
We could sign some ducting.
Yeah.
Okay, Cain, you heard it here.
Cain, you know the metal sheaths that go around electrical cables?
I'll get you a section of that.
I'll sign it to you.
No, we have some swag.
We can sign some swag for them.
Yeah, I think this shows that we're all really desperate to have high school students think we're cool.
Right.
Isn't that what it is?
I think they're the scariest audience you can possibly have.
I don't even try with high school kids.
I would not try.
I would I would I would flee the area.
But but if someone like Kane is out there, we'll make them happy.
Yeah.
And they were great, by the way.
Like all students were engaged.
I set up a little mini podcast set up where they can come speak on mic and act as a producer and stuff like that.
I have to say, I'm glad you did this because any time in my life I run across a teacher who.
I'm I just tell them I'm I'm odd.
I'm in awe of teachers.
I just think it's the it's the greatest profession.
And I do think we have our priorities way out of whack in this country insanely, because they are, they are essential.
They're just amazing, incredible people, and they change lives.
And so my shout out to your teacher friend.
What's the name?
My cousin, Angel Moreno, Mr. Moreno.
It's Moreno.
Moreno.
Yes.
Wow.
Incredible.
I'm going to point you to the rap sign.
It's a rap sign.
A rapper.
Okay.
All right.
Well, cool.
My guest today hosts the podcast, How Did This Get Made?
And unspooled, he also has a YouTube web series titled Dark Web.
He is a lovely fellow, very funny, and I'm so glad that he could make time for us.
Paul Scheer, welcome.
So great that you're here.
I love talking to you.
And we realize we haven't talked to you in a long time.
There's much to discuss.
Absolutely.
And I'm just trying to remember, you know, because you would do bits on my show back in the day.
What was our first encounter?
Do you remember?
I'm trying to remember because it was a chaotic time.
Well, you know, so...
Girls were tearing my clothes off.
Okay.
Tearing your clothes on.
Yeah.
I know.
Screaming.
Giving you scarves and hats.
Screaming women.
Screaming women used to charge me and clothe me more.
Here, sunglasses.
Overcoats.
They couldn't handle it.
They're like, it's not good.
Well, it was really exciting to come on the show because it was my first like real foray into like real life professional acting.
I had to join the... That can't be true.
It was.
We could not have been your first professional experience.
I was doing shows at midnight called Robot TV, which is like an improvised show by robots for robots.
So this was a giant step up.
This was a huge leap for me.
Even robots wouldn't watch it.
It's going to be big in a couple of years.
We walked audiences so much.
We had a guy on bass guitar playing music that was not pleasant to hear.
Someone operating a slide projector and we did the show at midnight.
So people were leaving in droves.
But getting where are you going?
And that's a better way is my living and that's how we all talked.
We thought that would be great to have everyone just talking, like i am here, and we worshiped our god.
Land out like land out.
I just love a robot being upset that people.
I have slots to fill, slots to feed.
We point at them my port um, so getting to go on your show was a giant big deal and uh, And a lot of the times it was in these like these bigger pieces.
So I was just talking about this the other day.
There was a bit and I don't remember the conceit, but it was like, oh, summer's over.
So it's the return of the beach apes.
And so we all... First of all, I have no memory, but it sounds exactly right.
Us picking something that's completely... There's a fragment there, which is summer's over.
Right.
Now, most shows would have said summer's over, so we're going to do a bit about dressing for fall.
No.
That means the arrival of beach apes.
It was like the apes had like let the beach be open to humans during the summertime.
And now we are back.
So we all got... Apes don't hang out at the beach.
We all got dressed up in these, you know, ape gorilla costumes.
And, you know, they had probably a couple of good ones.
It's so clear how this got greenlit.
I'm the guy that said that sounds right.
Also, if anything had an ape in it, I was immediately yes.
You have to do ape bits.
We had one character which was, they said you know, of course, in Planet of the Apes, you saw apes rode horseback.
Behold, a horse riding ape back.
And a horse came out on an ape's back.
Anyway, but go ahead.
I want to hear about these apes.
Your costume was not primo.
Well, look you know, whenever you're in a situation where you have like 20 apes, the quality is going to go down really quickly.
It's always three good.
It's like in a zombie film.
The zombies that are closest to camera got the most time in the chair.
And zombies, you know, if a horde is charging, the ones that are way in the back.
They just picked people with eczema.
They just, they didn't even put it.
We have definitely, we look like sick dogs, like splotchy patches of fur ripped off.
And we had to put on the feet.
And if you know, like these ape costumes, they're like these big feet.
And they drove us out to Jones Beach and they're like, get over the sand dune.
Oh, it's on location?
Oh, sure.
Oh, we drove like 45 minutes.
Yeah, come on, man.
Sorry.
We were a real show.
Yeah, this is network.
We gotta get to the beach.
And so we all hid behind this sand dune, like all 20 of us.
And then someone yelled action.
And then in these costumes, in the sun, with these big feet, we're trying to run up sand dunes to run at camera.
The beach apes are coming back.
And that was it.
That was it.
The bit was just we ran up a sand dune.
People were falling all over each other because we didn't know how to work the feet.
And it was a bit that was just like, oh, the beach apes are back.
Over the hill with like Congo music.
And your face wasn't even on camera.
No, I mean, majority of the bits I did, my face was, I was covered.
I was in whale costumes.
It was.
It was great, though it was the best, the best.
This is an upgrade from the robot show 100.
Well, i was getting paid.
I was getting paid for that.
The robots were watching at home.
Yeah, and seeing paul on late night and going, he's doing.
Well, everybody's come up in the world robots apes, cowboys that's the hierarchy.
Yeah, it is, it is.
Yeah, i would go home and i'd have a tape of all my Conan bits and then show my parents.
I'm like, look, I'm on TV.
I'm that ape.
You see the one in the back with the patchy... Are you an ape again?
Well, at least he's not doing the robot show anymore.
Yeah, so that was really just getting to hang out with everybody in that hallway.
Because we'd be hanging out in the hallway, we'd wait, we'd go somewhere.
I mean, the grossest thing I ever did for your show was... a desk drive piece, right?
So the desk would drive around.
I would say it's time to take the desk out for a ride.
It's a beautiful day.
Yeah.
Andy would slide over next to me and then, using very primitive rear screen projection, I would you know, put a steering wheel on the desk and drive it around.
And they actually, because the bit was popular, they made it a ride.
What?
At the NBC Experience store where you could sit behind a desk and ride with Conan.
And I've met people over the years that have said to me now they're in their 30s, but they're like when I was eight and I was, you know, I was with my parents in Rockefeller Center and I took a ride with you.
Remember?
No, I wasn't there.
I mean, you shook the hand of the fake robot at Disneyland and then asked Reagan, does he remember?
We did a Death Drive piece where you were driving through the meatpacking district before the meatpacking district was a fancy cool place.
It was when it was a meatpacking district, disgusting.
And we were a Hare Krishna's.
So again, I was in like a, you know, a very small, you know, like just practically naked.
And you know my body is not a site to be seen on clothes.
You know it's it's, and especially back then I was even worse.
And, and I had a bald cap on and you were, you said, Oh look, there's Hare Krishna's.
And then you ran us over.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So then when you ran us over, we had to... You know, having fun with a hate crime.
You know what it is.
People are different than me.
And a few applause.
As we did it, they were like okay, now you guys have to lay down on the ground in the meatpacking district which, at the time, smelled like blood.
Yeah.
And it was disgusting.
And...
I remember just being on the ground looking at the other people make how much.
How much longer do we have to be down?
Cause it smelled.
And then, and we're like, no, no, I think we got, we got to keep it going longer, longer.
So we were down on that ground for such a long time.
And I remember it was one of the only uh times where I couldn't get that smell off because I was pretty much naked, laying in, like you know uh, blood meat, you know and it was like a viscera that was just out in the street.
And I just remember like all of us coming home again in a van and smelling disgusting.
Yeah, it was.
Well, I wouldn't have missed it for the world because it was like it was you're working.
And yeah, I will say that that the best moment of all time was when Kirk Douglas came on the show.
Yes.
He walked down.
He had a stroke.
He had a stroke.
But he came out.
Yeah, it was it was amazing.
And he walked down this hallway and he grabbed my face and held it.
And he's like, look at this.
This is amazing.
This is what it TV is.
Oh my God.
And he was like looking at it, you know, like I'm in like, I'm in the body of a whale suit.
He's next to a clown.
A horse just went by on eight back.
Kurt was like, a horse is on eight back.
It felt electric every night.
You were.
I mean you would spend the whole day there like and you did something, because a show happened and you would, you know you'd rehearse the bit with you earlier in the day and everything was on camera for seconds.
I mean, it was staring contest, whatever it was.
So it was like you also could have like 15 people in.
You know, just only be on camera for like five seconds each.
I know.
It was great.
I can't believe.
It was a definite era because it's crazy to think about it now, but we had money to spend.
Right.
And so we would order up not just livestock, but you know we'd hire actors and we'd have things built and crazy contraptions.
And then sometimes we'd just cut them at rehearsal and you'd see like a depressed.
Right there.
Right there. a depressed, you know, whatever, Statue of Liberty made of sausages walking down the street.
That, you know, Bill Tull was up all night building that and it cost us $2,500.
It cost the national broadcasting company $2,500.
And I'm like, eh, it doesn't quite work.
It gets a laugh, but not the kind of laugh we want.
You're out, Sausage Liberty.
I was never thinking, what does America want? how can I appeal to America?
It was, it's a very self-centered thing.
It says, this is the shit I like.
I'm going to do it.
If they stop it, well, that's too bad.
I always say.
I always say like, when people ask for advice, like how do I get into comedy or how do I do it,
And it's like, it's less about how do you get in?
It's more about finding a group of like-minded people that will support it, right?
Because failing on stage with people who are all dressed in robot costumes is a lot easier than failing on stage as one person in a robot costume.
You know.
And it's like, oh, you like it?
Great.
And if you like it, then I am.
I feel good.
Right.
And that's and I feel like that.
And by the way, this is how cults thrive.
I do have seven wives now and they are very funny and we all agree.
But yeah, like I think, you know, and I always.
But it is.
You're exactly right.
This is if you're on stage alone in a robot costume, you are an asshole or insane.
Right.
If you're up there.
Wow.
Bold take.
If you're up there with three of your friends.
Right.
And you're all dressed as robots, you're in the best situation you can have in this world.
You.
By the way, you're reminding me of one of my epic failures, which was we were asked to do the show, Stella.
And in New York City, Stella was this like offshoot of what the state was.
It was Michael Ian Black, David Wayne and Michael Showalter.
And it was like the most popular comedy show in New York.
You'd see the biggest stand-ups get there.
It was like a Modern Marx Brothers.
I loved it.
Yes, it was this amazing show and we got asked.
Our improv slash sketch group, Respecto Montalban, got asked to perform at this.
You really did not want an audience.
I'm barrier of entry.
Respecto Montalban.
You have to first acknowledge you get Why it's funny that that's our name before you can enter the theater.
We got asked to do a bit at the show.
We were like, this is a big deal.
And so, of course, instead of doing a bit that we were sure of, we're like we got to come up with a new bit that no one's ever seen.
Essentially testing out a bit for the first time ever in front of the biggest people ever.
And we decided we were going to be the Blue Man Group.
So we painted our faces blue.
We're in these costumes.
And the whole idea was that We're doing our Blue Man Group bit and one audience member isn't laughing at us.
And then we're like upset with that audience member.
And that audience member is a plant and we take her and we bring her backstage and you hear some yelling.
And as we're backstage, it cuts to a video clip and it's us like killing her or like she accidentally falls on a pipe.
She gets it through, she dies.
And then we don't know what to do.
And we have blood all over our blue faces and we come on out. the video machine did not work.
Oh, no.
So we go backstage, and we're like, I don't hear anything.
Do you hear anything?
We don't hear anything.
And we're rubbing blood all over our face, and we're getting all ready.
And then we hear, projector doesn't work.
And now we're blue and bloody and we have no way to connect from where the audience had seen us on stage to what the video was supposed to cover.
And we can't talk because we're a blue man group.
And we...
I forgot.
You can't do a meta thing where you explain what was... No.
We were like, we are Blue Man Group.
We're doing this bit.
And so, and then, but all of us were like, we can't, again, we can't break character.
So we walk out covered in blood and blue.
We just walked off stage and we just said, thank you.
And then to complete an utter silence, audience did not know what happened.
And we were crushed.
But i remember like once we left that place, which we did immediately, you have to leave.
If you bomb in a place, you can never go back and in fact you have to have the place burned down.
Yeah, we were like we need to commit our oh yeah, we need to commit arson here to the actual blue man group was shut down.
After that we gotta find they had to shut her for three years.
But i will never forget the feeling of sitting in a bar bat with mostly blue and blood we haven't been able to clear it off our faces sitting and drinking beers with these other people who are also like that, just being like Well, it's all went down together.
It's so funny that you bring that up, that world of bombing with an idea that you were in love with.
And I have to say there's the sting of bombing, but later, especially if you did it with other people, it can be one of the funniest things in the world.
It's such a funny memory being on stage on camera doing a national show with an insane idea and it didn't land.
And I know that people were welding last night to build, to help make this work.
There was actual, you know, engineers, unions, people had drawn plans and you're there.
And then, well, I guess, you know, I guess, whatever, Hercules' toilet was pretty mad.
And people are like, creak, creak, creak, creak, creak, creak.
And I have to say, there was always part of me that was secretly delighted.
There's a show that goes on inside your own soul that's maybe the funniest show of all.
But then you have to continue to stay on stage because most people bomb and it's like, okay, next.
And you have to be like, all right, we're back.
So, I mean, I imagine your tolerance...
You have to digest it and then let it go immediately.
No, there's no tolerance.
I have very low tolerance to this day.
It's just I might be a masochist, meaning it hurts a lot.
And I still don't brush things like that off easily.
If something doesn't go well, or even if a small thing doesn't go well, I try to pass it off as well.
The audience got the show they got, or whatever.
That's what happened.
Right.
But then I walk around for a week as if I've been shot.
But that's like a 22.
No, you get a little shrapnel.
I had a bit that, oh, I look back on it now, but it was the worst bit.
Seth Meyers is hosting the ESPYs.
Yep.
All right.
So I have to put in a little bit of context.
During that year of the ESPYs, there was a riot that broke out after the NHL championship.
And it was in Canada.
And there was this very famous image of a guy cradling a woman.
And it looked like he was kissing her.
Oh, I remember that.
So it was like it was.
It looked almost like that World War Two photo of, like the you know the officer in the street.
Yeah.
And so and so they're kissing in the middle of a riot.
And Seth was like, OK, well, we'll do that bit like this is going to be.
We have so many famous people in the crowd.
You know, there's Gronk.
There's this guy.
And oh, we have the kissing couple from the riot.
And so we were supposed to cut to me and Lennon Parham.
Lennon's great comedian.
And we, as it cuts us, we're just kissing.
So now, as I explain that bit to you years later, that's how familiar the audience was with this bit.
We start kissing.
Crickets.
So they didn't know the reference.
They didn't know the reference at all.
They didn't show an image.
They didn't do anything.
They just said it.
Now I'm sitting next to Brooklyn Decker, Jonah Hill, and I feel like Dwight Howard.
We're in this grouping of people and it cuts us dead silent.
We're just making out dead silence.
Now the bit is contracted to happen three more times throughout the show.
And so I go, well, they're clearly going to cut the bit coming back.
No, they didn't cut the bit.
And every single time it died, it almost like then the audience got mad.
The second time it was like, they're doing this again?
We didn't like this.
No, we voted on this.
No, no, he is not to return to office.
Then the third time we're doing it again, now the audience is angry at us.
And I will never forget this moment.
We had worked our way from the seats all the way to the stage.
It was the final act of the show.
Seth killing it, everything working except for this bit.
I was going out there with London.
I'm like, okay, we got to do this one more time.
And This is great.
I'm watching Twitter just be like, this bit sucks.
These guys suck.
You know, it's like, oh, no.
And we kiss.
It gets nothing.
And I walk off.
And there's Jay Leno just standing off to the side of the stage.
Denim on top, denim on bottom.
And he goes, meh, yeah, didn't work.
And I was like, oh, Jesus.
Like, that was the end.
I was like, yeah, it didn't work.
It didn't work.
Like, I know it didn't work.
But to be told, like, Jay Leno, you're like, eh.
It was like, it was a mortifying experience.
I never walked with my head so low.
Oh, my God.
And a sports audience, too.
I feel like they're even worse, right?
The hardest audience.
Aren't they hard?
Not as hard as Leto.
Look.
At least he showed himself to be very supportive.
That's the important thing.
He does that too.
He hangs outside the operating room.
And when the patient flatlines, he goes, eh, didn't work.
And the woman's crying.
That's my husband of 35 years.
Heart stop.
See you on Sunday.
I'm doing a live show on Sunday.
I'll be at the car show.
He wasn't even performing at the ESPYs.
He was just there.
We couldn't save your son.
Eh, didn't work.
So anyway...
Let's not get distracted or off on a tangent.
Humans are good.
One of the funniest things, though.
I don't know if it was the ESPYs or what, but it might have been the ESPYs.
I think it was Will Ferrell came out as Harry Carey.
Have you ever seen this footage?
He comes out as the Chicago announcer, Harry Carey, who's got like a big way of talking kind of like this, with big fake teeth.
And Harry Carey is just slamming different doing jokes on different people, famous athletes in the audience and they are not laughing and they're insulted.
And it's the funniest thing.
It's great.
It's great because I mean, it's, it's just like watching snuff or something, but I'm enjoying.
Excuse me.
How do you know?
Am I right about that?
Which was it?
Was it Jim?
1998 ESPYs.
It was Will Ferrell's Harry Carey.
Harry Carey.
And I think he's saying things like you know.
You know, John Elway saved a lot of money because he still didn't get his teeth fixed.
And they'll cut to John Elway just staring.
And I love it.
I'm sorry.
I apologize that people had a bad time that night.
But I think it's wonderful.
I mean, it is.
You look at me like I'm a horrible person but it's something about.
But you don't like bombing but you laugh at other people bombing.
No, no, no.
You're missing the point.
I love what Will is doing.
I am pro-Will.
It's funny to you.
It's really funny to me.
And I think even if I was doing that and people were angry, I think I'd be laughing inside.
I'd be falling apart.
You'll appreciate this note.
Norm Macdonald hosted that.
Yes, Norm Macdonald hosted it, which is perfect.
Yes, I knew Norm.
Yeah, that's right.
I knew that.
Norm did that bit for one of the roasts where he just did old roast jokes that were like 1950s style.
And it was like, in a bombed-in room, it's one of my favorite things ever.
No, and that's the thing too, is there's, bombing can be divine.
Yeah.
So you've taken this love you have for sometimes niche ideas that could only exist if a certain kind of show was around.
But now the world, I think, has grown with you.
Where you can do these podcasts, you can do these other projects.
Yeah. that are phenomenally successful and you don't have to make any kind of concession.
The stuff that's in your head can be presented without any kind of filter.
And it's like, how did this get made?
Is you and your wife and Manzoukas getting to do your thing?
It's just hanging out and just doing bits with friends.
And I think you're right.
Like this idea of getting to just make your own thing.
And it's, Playing to a niche audience.
And I think you can play to big audiences too, but just being able to have an outlet where people like seeing the seams, if that makes sense.
I did this show with Rob Hubel called The Dark Web.
And we are now in a world where we've pretended that our studio has burnt to the ground.
We've only been eating mustard and raw hot dogs.
And now we have envisioned ourselves as hosts of a kid's YouTube show.
And we've actually made a... it will only be on kids YouTube now.
Like we got it approved by YouTube.
Like I'm like, and they do any research on you.
You're almost full circle back to the robot show.
We did a full kid show and YouTube has like been very supportive of it.
Like you just can't associate it with the other thing.
But it's like yeah, we just get to go down this weird path.
And I don't know.
I mean it's for.
I guess the idea is like you're not making it for anyone, but you're making it for the that you think it's funny.
And I feel like it's so hard because people will tell you a million times like oh, that doesn't work.
I remember one person when I was doing a sketch show for Fox, they were like, oh, that's not funny.
And that's a hard note to get because it's the only thing that you, well, it could be funny to me.
It's not funny to you.
It's like, there's no one baseline of funny.
No one ever says like, that's not dramatic.
It's like, well, yeah, it's like, you know, dramas don't get judged the same way comedy is doing.
I think it's weird.
If they just put, I don't think that's funny.
Right.
That saves that's that makes them much more human to me.
And then at least we can have a conversation.
Yeah.
And I don't think everybody needs to find everything funny.
Like you know, it's like you look at certain comedians, they'll sell out an arena and it's like that may not be my cup of tea, but clearly it's working.
I don't think that they're not funny.
It's just like it's not for me.
Right.
But then you also get to I think when you get those bigger things through, it's insane.
I did a thing for Adult Swim.
Mike Lazo used to let us make 3am infomercials.
And he's like, whatever, as long as you just like, it's got to be weird.
And so I was like, I said to him, I was like, I want to make one where it's just like a hotel TV.
Like, it just looks like you're in a hotel room.
And this is like an ad for the hotel that you're in.
And he's like, all right.
And we got Ray Wise to host this thing.
It was a hotel that was clearly built on Native American land.
And they have come back to haunt this hotel and their transmission's getting altered throughout it and they're being told to leave the hotel.
And he's very much like Steve Wynn like come in here and you'll get a massage and you'll die, and you'll die here.
You know, and it was like and we could make a 15-minute long thing for, I mean, whoever's up at 3 am.
Well, that was, too, the magic of, when you mentioned 3 a.m., the magic of making things...
And people will find it or they won't.
Right.
That's kind of a magic thing.
We were on at 1230 until 130.
And I just always think that time slot helped us a lot.
Right.
Because there was no internet.
People were seeing it and often thinking, is this really happening?
Or am I just, you know?
Right.
It's sort of like you're getting a mentality.
Like I used to love doing, like these 11 pm shows, because anyone who comes out for an 11 pm show is up for it, something completely different than people coming out for a seven, 30 or an eight o'clock show.
Right.
Right.
And it's like, if you're up at 1230, you're down to, you're down to go.
I had a different way of thinking of it, which is it's your fault.
If you're up at 1230, you are complicit in this crime and get ready for some apes on a beach.
You should be sleeping.
You creep.
So on the show, how did this get made?
Which I did once.
And I think we did.
How did this, Look Who's Talking 2.
Yes.
I think it was the second one.
Yes.
2-0-0.
Or T-O-O, sorry.
That was crazy, what you just did.
That was crilly insane.
This man's having a seizure.
But that feels like it would be the gif that just keeps on giving.
The podcast is massively successful.
There's no shortage of movies where you would say, out of this, get made.
And they keep making more of them.
Well, I think that that's the thing that we've loved is you know that everything gets started with the best intentions?
Any movie that I've been on.
Yeah.
It's like, oh, this is going to be good.
This is going to be, you know, we don't see it, but it's going to be good.
You know, it's like no one goes in being like, this is a stinker.
I think sometimes they do, but mostly not.
Mostly not.
Yeah.
So you go into it and you're like you're, you know, and I think what's so funny is that we try to look at it from that point of view like well, this was the best of all.
You know, everyone's trying to make something here.
And then all of a sudden your budget gets slashed and you just get ripped apart.
And when we watch these shows, like Jason Takes Manhattan, that's Friday the 13th, part eight.
Yeah.
He is in Manhattan for five minutes.
Yeah.
Okay.
And it's Canada.
And it's Canada.
All right.
Walk me through this movie.
I don't know this one.
So take me through it and Matt, jump in.
This is your terrain.
It's Friday the 13th, part eight.
Jason Takes Manhattan.
Okay.
It is taking place primarily in on a senior cruise as they leave Crystal Lake, which I guess connects That's.
The big mystery is how Crystal Lake suddenly connects to the Hudson River.
Yes, and they're on a two-night cruise to get to New York.
So it's a cruise that goes from a lake...
In Canada, maybe?
From New Jersey, technically.
And everyone loves a cruise that starts in a lake in New Jersey and makes its way probably partially over land.
And gets to Manhattan.
It's the Werner Herzog movie.
And it's not an attractive cruise under.
It's a barge.
It does look like a barge.
It's very much the ship they could get for the movie.
And do they try and make this ship look like something that people would want to Try is a charitable word.
Yeah.
I see that.
Because it's like an engine room they go into at one point.
Yeah.
They also they also have a disco, which is very small, but is the most unappealing disco.
It's like a disco in an old age home.
That's what it kind of feels like.
It feels like, you know, like and they also are trying not to make it too too violent.
So all the deaths are very like just push you.
Except the one guy gets his head punched off.
Yes.
Boxer punched off by Jason.
So Jason takes on a boxer and the boxers trying to box him.
Yeah.
The boxers.
That's actually, I would argue the funniest part of the film.
I have a soft spot for this movie.
Yeah.
There are some good moments in it.
There's a lot of cocaine within the characters in the film.
Like they're, they're on cocaine.
So their reactions to Jason are odd as well.
They're a little bit more ready to fight this, this man.
Right.
They're old people.
Did you say they're old people?
Well, I mean, this is a weird thing of 80s movies.
Everyone who is in high school looks about 35.
Yeah.
And they might actually be young.
I don't know.
Aging has changed in a way.
Yeah.
It actually has.
It has.
You look at a movie and, like a gnarled old Humphrey Bogart, I'll tell you something.
Kid, you'll look it up, and he was 34.
What?
Wilford Brimley in Cocoon was only like... 49!
He's much younger than They put a picture up of Wilford Brimley from Cocoon or The Natural and they'll say he's like eight years younger than Paul Rudd.
And in the picture of Paul Rudd, he looks like, oh, he looks like a scoop of sherbet.
He's delicious.
Well, I mean, I always think about Lethal Weapon...
Danny Glover's character's like, I'm too old for this shit.
He was 42.
It's like, wow, all right.
He's the old man.
I think we live in an era where we don't really grow up.
We didn't go off and fight World War II.
We didn't start smoking when we were 15.
We didn't get shot at.
We didn't live a hard life.
Yeah, we then didn't drink ourselves into oblivion every night after our soul-crushing job.
We're on, let's improvise.
Let's get on stage and be robots.
Yeah, let's be robots on stage.
But first, my smoothie.
Yay.
How much?
$15 for a smoothie?
What a bargain.
What a bargain.
That is a bargain.
Well, time to get into my little electric car and go home.
Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.
Nine hours of sleep.
Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.
Where's my apps?
Boo.
I can't believe I can't find one.
Oh, there it is.
What the hell?
That's the whole world now.
It is.
It's weird.
And I'm not doing the old man thing.
I'm that guy.
No, I mean, look, I did something weird.
We have a trick or trunk at my kid's school where you can...
You decorate your trunk like a haunted house.
I'm doing one Friday.
Oh, yeah.
Anything that involves kids in the trunk of your car.
It's on furry.
Get in there.
It's a little thing we do with kids in trunks.
I was told.
Get in there.
A trick or trunk?
We call it a trunk or treat.
Oh, okay.
I call it kidnapping.
We all have our different fun names for it.
I did get in trouble one year for my trunk or treat, which was.
I thought this would be a really funny idea.
And do it.
You do need to explain what trunk is because I still don't know what it is.
It sounds creepy.
So basically what it is is, on Halloween day, it's a chance for the kids at a school, probably up to like sixth grade, to trick or treat with their classmates.
All the parents come, they pop their trunk, they decorate their trunks in different ways.
So, you know, like one person has a Star Wars trunk.
One person has, you know, my little pony trunk, whatever it is.
And it's cute.
The kids go around from trunk to trunk and it's a little bit of a Halloween parade.
I never knew about it.
It didn't happen to me when I was a kid.
It didn't exist.
Yeah.
So this is like a special thing.
It's kind of great to go to school and, and do it.
I volunteer every year.
I love doing it.
And in the beginning I was like, well, part of it is supposed to be scary, right?
And, uh, no, the answer is no.
These are for young children.
It should not be scary for them.
I learned that.
Uh, yeah.
And so I, uh, I thought it would be funny.
The theme of your life seems to be I didn't get the memo.
What I didn't know.
That these little preschoolers didn't need to be scared.
Now, I thought it would be funny that I set up a San Diego zoo.
And the way I set up the zoo is I got like some stanchions.
I got a zoo uniform and I also got a gorilla costume.
Now, I mean, you stole our gorilla costume.
I took it, I kept it.
I was like, one day.
And I thought it would be funny to take my brother-in-law, strip him down to his underwear and undershirt, put him in the back of my car as if he was in a cage.
And then me as the ape put on the san diego zoo uniform and i was like waving the kids over, so you're making social commentary as well for preschoolers.
Yeah, so my brother-in-law's trapped in a cage like help help, and i'm like hey, check out, here he is.
And kids were scared of the ape who would kidnap the human.
Did they cry?
There was a few kids that were very afraid to come to my truck.
He's okay.
He's okay.
But we did mess up my brother-in-law's face.
So he looked like he had been in a fight with me as well.
So you bloodied him as you did backstage with the taped piece.
If you can't scare kids on Halloween, then what can you do?
And he stripped his clothes off.
If you can't verify a three-year-old, what kind of country do we have?
My son now always will say to me, he's like, you can't make it scary.
Don't make it scary again.
Like I guess he had gotten some flack from other kids in the school, that I went too hard on the drunk retreat.
So what are you doing this year?
This year, I'm keeping it simple.
It's an alien theme.
Like the movie Alien?
No, no.
An alien is going to be popping out of my car.
And I am somebody who works at Area 51.
But I got one of those inflatable costumes.
So the alien is grabbing me.
And I'm like, my hands are like... No, you did it again.
You did it again.
I don't know if that's going to help.
Yeah.
And I'm covered in acid and my face is melting.
Oh, my God.
Okay, well...
Anyway, Jason Partey, you should watch it.
I think you would like it.
We should bring you on.
Jason Takes Manhattan.
Yeah, and they do.
They shoot about three minutes of B-roll in New York and the rest is Vancouver.
Okay, one of my personal favorites and we may have discussed this, but the Death Wish movies are fantastic.
Oh, man.
But the further you go, the later you get in the canon of Death Wish's... Canon films.
Yeah, the more insane it gets.
And...
There's one.
I don't remember which Death Wish it is, but I watched it with our writer Matt O'Brien.
And I just was, the whole time I was in heaven, we were watching it together.
And a bunch of old people live in an apartment complex.
Whatever, they hear a lot of yelling and shouting and noise and they look out the window and a motorcycle gang has taken over the neighborhood and they've surrounded the apartment building and the old people are trapped inside.
And one of them, they're terrified and they don't want to go out.
They don't know what to do.
They're trapped inside.
They're old.
They're scared.
And they pick up the phone.
They make a phone call and then cut to JFK Airport.
A plane lands.
Charles Bronson gets out.
No, actually, I think specifically he rides the bus.
Of course.
He's the man.
And also the movie was so low budget, they didn't even want to pay for plane landing footage.
So he gets off a bus at the Port Authority.
And it's Manhattan.
And it's Manhattan.
He gets in.
He's in the 30s, you know, he gets into a cab, he starts driving.
He starts driving north and suddenly, and the cab's driving along and then they cut and suddenly the cab it's still supposed to be in Manhattan, like up north in Manhattan, like 150th Street, but I think they're now shooting on a soundstage or they're in Syria.
Bronson had a contract thing where he wouldn't leave California.
He wouldn't leave California, because his wife was there, Jill Ireland.
Thank God you're here because, I swear to God it switches to a completely different ecosystem an arid desert that exists.
And there's some fragments of a sidewalk.
And then Charles Bronson shows up and his solution, he meets with the old people and has tea.
And then he decides, don't worry, I'll help you.
And so he has a concealed, you know, magnum and he walks around killing them.
It's insane.
So brutal.
And he lacks the charm of like Liam Neeson.
Like when Liam Neeson is like fighting off 15 people, it's like.
It's like he's got something like Charles Bronson.
Just looks like, oh shit, this guy's head off.
And it's violent.
By the way, speaking of insane ideas, there's a show I just saw here in Los Angeles, a comedy theater called Bronson Tonight.
And it's Charles Bronson hosting a show as his Death Wish character.
Is the impression good?
It's great.
Oh, wow.
And his monologue jokes are...
You know they're, they're labored, but their stories about, you know, running into these, these gangs of toughs out in the street.
But he's trying he's trying his best to host a very traditional talk show.
He had an animal person on the show and he's interviewing karate people.
But it's like it's no it's, it's a great.
It's really scratch the niche that I needed to be scratched to watch that.
Dana Gould, who's absolutely hilarious, does.
Oh, yeah.
He does Dr. Zaius.
As a talk show host.
So funny.
And it is note perfect.
And what I love about the kind of comedy we're talking about and the kind of comedy that you've dedicated your life to, and wrongly, I think.
Yeah, of course, very wrong.
Is you come up with a premise and it's just a big horse pill and you get them to swallow it and then you're good.
Right.
So Dr. Zayas has a talk show.
Charles Bronson has a late night talk show.
Conan O'Brien has a talk show.
Conan O'Brien has a talk show.
No, it really is the same idea, which is someone who shouldn't have a show has a show.
But I think people comedy tastes have.
I don't want to say that they've evolved, but they maybe have de-evolved or devolved.
They to the point where there's all this kind of attenuated, really cool- concept-heavy comedy that people will turn out for and they'll watch.
And then there are shows like BoJack Horseman, you know, or really South Park.
I mean to think that South Park is one of the most influential shows, shows it's been on for 30 years.
I mean, do you remember when that like I remember getting like a, a wave file of just like the Christmas card.
Cause it started off as a Christmas.
I got a pass along VHS tape.
Okay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So it was like, that was like, and it was a comedy currency.
And I mean that that even started for me, you know, for lack of a better or I mean the jerky boys was like the tape that everyone passed around and you'd be like Oh, have you heard it?
Have you?
And then it became a movie.
And I remember thinking, how could this be a movie?
And then I watched it and I thought, it can't be a movie.
No way.
I just answered my own question.
But yeah, that kind of thing is really interesting, the way that people find each other, or you want to like share.
But it's fascinating now that whatever we're doing here, we're not trying to please anyone.
We're just, I think, enjoying each other's company and talking to people and going off on weird tangents.
I'm only bringing it up because...
I do think things have changed drastically from the way they were 20, 30 years ago.
I think it's like important to be able to explore anything, because anything can be a good idea or a bad idea.
It's all in the execution of it, right?
Because it's like you may hear something like, oh, that will never, ever work.
But I think so many people are in this business before there's like this gatekeeping of like you can't no no, no one will ever like that.
But if you can actually execute it your own way and show people no, actually it works, then I don't know.
That's what I think.
Performing on stage, what I love performing on stage is like no one can say no to that.
And no one can say no to making a video.
No one can say no to us making a show for YouTube kids, you know, if we wanted to do it.
And I think that- But someone should.
Someone should.
I mean, technically, we will be arrested for that.
Someone should intervene.
But I think that that's like it's, you know, because it's hard to sometimes explain that nuance, like why that would work, why that's interesting.
Well, a bunch of this you can't explain.
You just have to do it.
And the proof is in- the pudding you just have to you do it and then people go people are laughing right and they immediately accept oh that was great i always knew that would work right exactly and that's why i would be terrified to be an executive if someone said hey conan you've been in comedy a long time and why don't you we'll give you this job at you know paramount or warner brothers and you'll look at things and tell us if they'll be successful or not i don't know well it looks like a funny idea to me there's a great thing that gets passed around every now and then uh paul thomas anderson's boogie nights it's script coverage of boogie nights and it's like this movie is terrible the characters are awful it's too long and it's like this long thing written by a studio person about why they were passing on this script and it's the script that he shot and you have to look at him like oh yeah these somebody not everyone's gonna see what if they found out that the guy who wrote the coverage had a small penis and it was all just It was all just rage.
This is terrible.
No one could have a penis over two inches.
What is this, science fiction?
What is that?
He has a third leg?
I don't think so.
Penises are tiny and they don't get bigger when you're attracted to something.
And you go to doctors and they can't do a thing.
Awful!
Boo!
Pass on this.
What movies did he... What movies did you like?
I liked The Tales of Little Wee Wee.
This amiable chap with a one-inch pee-pee nails seven broads in one night, because that's the way ladies like it.
Oh, my God.
I should wrap this up, but let's get that made.
I'm ready to make them.
Yeah.
Paul, thank you so much for stopping in.
You're hilarious.
And uh, it was a lucky day when our paths crossed and I'm just very happy that uh, you are wildly successful with all these really funny projects, you know.
And uh, I say onward,
Go onward.
Well, this is one of my favorite shows to listen to.
And you're just the best.
And and you know, talking about comedy, I just want to say that your travel show is truly like.
I think this like one of the things that makes me laugh so hard.
Oh, good.
Oh, thanks.
It to me is like this.
Yes, you're amazing in this.
You're hilarious.
But that like it feels like you get to do this awesome sketch show that's like globetrotting that you don't ever get to see.
You know what?
There are times where it's really hard and I'm in a van and you're in a hot tropical climate and you're thinking I'm getting.
I'm no spring chicken.
I'm still in a van and someone's telling me okay, jump out here in this toga and tackle that guy over there who doesn't know you, and somehow make it funny.
But it's also... Yeah.
I'm constantly stepping outside my body and going, what are you doing?
But I really love it.
And I mostly love...
It's improv with people in other lands who often don't know who I am.
Right.
And they don't even really speak English.
But my happiest moments are when, if I can make a little kid laugh or someone who doesn't know who I am and doesn't speak English laugh because we're doing something pretty primal, then I'm happy.
It's just cool to know that, as much as like I, have a lot of respect for people who still get up and try to do it.
You don't have to be traveling all around the world.
Oh, I do financially.
They didn't tell you on the way in?
I'm a terrible gambler.
You made so many bets on this episode, even.
I don't even know.
Paul, I bet a Jew million dollars that Paul will come in wearing a tank top.
No!
Oh, man.
FanDuel presents Conan Needs a Friend.
Over, on, under, and when it ends in seconds?
Okay.
I had to give, I gave money here, too.
And then I'm arrested because I clearly control when it ends.
Okay, oh, no, no, Paul, tell me that's not, oh, wait, don't tell me!
It's over, bye!
Not long ago on an episode we were talking about how Sona was going to be a featured speaker in QA.
Subject on a panel for an assistance convention.
I think we want to follow up and see how that went.
Yeah, I want to find out how did it go, the assistance convention?
Here's the thing.
If you are going to go to like a summit or a convention, go to one that assistants run.
Because anything you need is like within arm's reach.
Oh, I bet.
They think of everything that you might need.
I was like, at one point, I was like, I think I have something in my tooth.
And I turned around and there was just dental floss.
Oh, I thought you were going to say there's an extra tooth.
Oh, you thought I was just going to take a tooth.
That's how good these assistants are.
There's just slight teeth. gap between my molar and my incisor.
I mean, here's a tooth.
Yeah.
Well, I'm just curious.
OK, let's set the table.
Yes.
This was a convention that you were invited to speak at.
Yes.
An assistance convention.
And it's run by assistants.
Yes.
So the person who I mean I don't know how much she wants me to give away, but the person who started the organization used to work for Dick Costolo, who who started Twitter.
Yeah.
And so it's all very tech heavy and They all work for like founders or CEOs or CTOs of like tech companies.
The people they assist are like real people.
Right.
As opposed to like.
Some late night clown.
No, you can say it.
It's just, I feel like the stakes for them are really high.
Because they're like massive billion dollar corporations that their bosses run.
So what did they ask you and what did you see?
I really do think it felt like I was like a party clown they hired.
Isn't this cute?
To give some levity to it.
I really do think that's what I was there for.
It was a really fun Q&A.
Because no one wants to hear you say, well, here are the 10 rules about being a good assistant.
No one wants to hear that from you.
What?
I would like to hear that.
What are the 10 rules of being an assistant?
Give them enough material to riff off of.
Yeah.
If your boss has one glass of wine, you have three on his dime.
Make make reservations in his name and then bring your dog to the restaurant.
OK.
And you know that they won't toss you out.
Yeah.
Look for restaurants with at least four dollar signs next to him, because you know he's going to be putting it on.
No, you're not paying for it.
I just I had I had a lot of fun.
It was beautifully organized.
I got.
Good laughs.
I told like some really solid stories from our time working together.
And it was they loved it.
There's a lot of people who love you.
They love you.
I love this convention.
Yeah.
They wouldn't let me come speak.
I have to overshadow me.
You're right.
I mean, you're not an assistant.
Why would you be there?
You know what?
They did invite me first.
And I said, why don't you let Sona have a little sunlight?
Then they invited me too.
Isn't that weird?
No, they invited you first.
You said no.
I said I want, and then I gave it to you.
It was perfectly organized.
Great, great people.
I really had a really fun time.
It was awesome.
Now, while you were doing it, were you thinking, I could do more of these?
Yes, I want to do it.
But I talked to you about this.
This is an avenue for you.
And I like you to prosper.
Not too much, but I like you to get ahead in the world.
Yeah.
And I think about my godchildren, your two kids.
I want them to be able to go to college and stuff.
So this is fun.
I mean, yeah, I know what you mean, but You made it sound like I can't do that now.
And I need to- You're destitute.
You spend so much on gummies.
I spend, you know what?
You're making a joke.
I'm not making a joke.
How much do you spend on gummies?
I love that you're whispering into a very expensive microphone.
At least like 250 every time I order.
How often do you order?
Daily?
Daily?
You think I buy $250 worth of gummies daily?
I don't know if you're losing teeth at these conventions.
Oh my God.
Okay.
So you, how much are you ingesting?
Would you have one a night?
Do you have two a night?
I'm fine.
No, no.
I do like a one, maybe five, if I'm feeling crazy, a 10 milligram at night after the boys sleep.
Just say 10 mil.
Don't say mil.
So you do like 250 every two weeks?
Maybe even longer than that.
Like, you know, it's like maybe a monthly expense is 250 to $300 on gummies.
Have you had a situation where you're talking $3,600 a year on gummies?
Why'd you do that?
Just as your accountant.
Yeah, I know.
Now she needs another gummy to calm down.
That's a lot.
You're saying I should do speaking engagements just to pay for my gummies?
Yeah.
Okay.
But also, I'm saying, you have a big life.
You know, you like the good things in life, and you're going to want more.
This is an avenue for you and you could be right up front about it when you do speaking engagements.
Like, this is paying for my gummies.
Yeah, that's true.
I thought about it, but then I don't want to do, like, you know...
Like Exxon.
I don't want to go... They don't want me to... Do you know what they pay?
I bet a lot.
That's a lot of money.
I bet it is.
No, I've had... I started out with Principles and then...
And then I was like, I was on stage like, yeah, you guys make the landmines.
You don't have to tell us you're doing a podcast.
Keep America moving, you know?
Oh, no.
No, I don't do that stuff.
You should do gummy conventions.
Do you think they have them?
I bet.
They have assistance conventions.
Well, I know, but those, they know how to plan them.
No one shows up at the gummy convention.
Just a bunch of empty seats.
One guy staggers in.
Yeah.
Yeah, I don't know.
I'm just saying this is an avenue for you that you should pursue.
I would love to do more of these speaking engagements, I think.
Maybe like five a year would be great, you know, just to make some extra scratch.
It would be fun.
You've got to make your scratch if you're going to get those gum gums.
But I also I don't know who would want me other than assistants.
Oh, you kidding?
No, there's so many people you could talk to.
I mean, the Armenian community would always like to hear from you.
Yeah, I do a lot of Armenian stuff.
I emcee galas.
But do you get paid?
I don't get paid for those.
Oh, that's right.
I don't get paid for any of those because a lot of them are non-profit.
Like, what am I going to do?
Ask my people for a million?
Yes, exactly.
Say, cough it up.
Go.
No, you wouldn't do it.
No.
You do how many charity events?
You don't get paid for those.
No.
I always try and hit them up later on.
I go by the children's hospital and I say, where's my money?
Please, sir.
I have no leg.
But you know what?
It's funny being in a room with all these really professional people.
It does make me feel like I wasn't a real assistant.
Like I was an assistant to a very important figure.
And like, but you lost me on that one.
No, I am.
You know, you are a very big, important figure.
And then, but they're like in a complete it's like, it's like meeting, you know Michelle Obama's assistant.
Yeah, exactly.
Spoke there the year before I did.
That's so great that they went from Michelle Obama's assistant to you.
Yes.
She's got like important places to be, important things to do.
I know.
That's what I'm saying.
It's cool.
And, you know, I wrote a book called The World's Worst Assistant and they asked me to be there.
It was really fun.
It was cool.
I liked it a lot.
All right, well, if you've got a gig and you're hiring, Sonoma Sessions here, call 555-2222.
That number again is 555-2222.
Thanks for your help, boss.
Thank you.
That's very nice.
No problem.
Those calls are coming in to a fake phone that exists only in TV and movies.
Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend, with Conan O'Brien, Sonam Ovsessian, and Matt Gorley.
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Take it away, Jimmy.
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