This is an iHeart Podcast, guaranteed human.
A new year doesn't ask us to become someone new.
It invites us back home to ourselves.
I'm Mike Della Rocha, host of Sacred Lessons, a space for men to pause, reflect, and heal.
This year we're talking honestly about mental health relationships and the patterns we're ready to release.
If you're looking for clarity, connection and healthier ways to show up in your life, Sacred Lessons is here for you.
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That was, you know, one of the most painful experiences to go through.
To trust someone so much and then to be violated like that and have the entire world watching laughing crying, talking about it, villainizing me.
Everyone welcome back to on purpose.
I'm so excited to have one of my favorite guests back in the seat, one of your favorite guests back on the podcast.
I'm speaking about the one, the only, paris hilton, global entrepreneur, artist and cultural icon, whose new documentary, infinite icon that i got to watch reveals the truth behind her evolution and the woman the world hasn't fully seen.
Today, Paris joins us to talk about her identity, healing and the purpose driving this next chapter of her life.
I promise you, you won't want to miss the documentary, Infinite Icon.
Go and check it out right after you watch this interview.
Please welcome back Paris Hilton.
Paris, it is so great to have you back.
I'm so happy to be here, and thank you for the amazing intro.
I always say that my favorite guests keep coming back.
I love having guests back on the show because I feel I get to deepen my relationship with you.
The audience gets to deepen their relationship with you.
And it really shows me just how much wonderful trust and connection we built last time.
And, of course, I've had the fortune of spending time with you and Carter, and he's just.
I can only say amazing things about him.
He's so special and just your family and the beautiful events you do and how you bring people together.
I just wanna thank you for including us in part of all of that and making us feel so at home.
Oh, my pleasure.
I always love seeing you and your wife.
You both are just such kind and inspiring and incredible people.
And I feel the same way about you.
So I'm just so happy to be here again.
Thank you, Paris.
Well, I wanna dive right in.
The first question I wanna ask you is the last time you were on the show was around two and a half years ago.
What's different about the Paris Hilton sitting in front of me today versus the one that I met two and a half years ago?
Wow, it's Like I feel like I've just grown so much and it feels like a lifetime ago, even though it was only two and a half years.
So much has happened.
I'm now a mother of two.
I just moved into my new home.
I... have just been on this whole discovery journey.
And now with my new documentary.
It's just had a lot of time to reflect on my life as well and been through so much.
And yeah, I'm just really proud of the woman I am today.
Last time you came on, we were talking about your memoir.
Today we're talking about your documentary.
I felt the memoir was such a cathartic emotional experience writing it, sharing it.
When I watched the documentary, it feels like this was the same.
It felt like it was, the music is therapy, the journey's healing.
You really see your growth in it.
What was different about writing a memoir and then making this documentary and capturing all of this buildup to the incredible performances and development of music?
I feel like this is like a trilogy, like my healing experience, like first through my documentary this is Paris.
Then the second part through my memoir.
And now with this third part, with this music documentary and really um, just going into my journey through life but seeing it through the lens of music and just how healing music has been to me and how I really believe that music is something that saved my life.
Just going through so much in my life and through so much trauma and pain, And I always remember the one thing that would always make me so happy was music.
So I really wanted to just dive back into that more and also just revisiting a dream of mine, because since I was a little girl I've always loved music and then releasing my first album in the 2000s.
And I just feel like I was just so underestimated back then.
And now I really feel like I'm taking back my power and my voice and showing people a side of me they'd never seen before.
Did you get your Spotify wrapped age this morning?
Did you see that?
So Spotify Rap just launched.
Oh, the Spotify Rap.
All of my fans have been posting there.
I haven't looked at mine yet.
So what it does is?
It has this algorithm that looks at all the songs you listen to and then it gives you your age as to how old you are, based on whether you listen to music in the 60s 70s 80s 90s, whatever it was.
I was exactly my age, which says a lot.
But then a lot of my team are like double their age.
The music that you grew up to, or the music that made you feel peaceful at home, that saved your life, as you just said.
What was that music when you first started listening and learning about music, versus when you started creating?
What was the music that gave you that sense of home?
Dance music, like just... being at raves and music festivals, and also artists like Madonna.
She's always been such an inspiration to me, like Britney songs.
To this day, I'm obsessed with all of her music.
It just makes me so happy.
Just anything that brings me happiness and joy and that energy.
And just listening to certain lyrics of songs and just really being touched by them.
So I feel like music is something that's so powerful where you can just hear a lyric and it could change your mood in an instant or even change your life.
I could agree more.
I grew up on a lot of rap and hip hop music was what I primarily listened to.
And I can still remember lyrics that feel like they transformed my life.
And it sounds so crazy to say it, but when you felt it, you know how much that lyric motivated you or made you feel seen.
Or was there a lyric that you've written or that you've heard, that you feel?
Does that for you, that makes you feel seen, heard and makes other people feel that way?
What would you pick?
I'm intrigued.
From my new album Infinite Icon, my song ADHD that I wrote with Sia because it's just a personal song.
And when I was talking with her when we were writing, I was like, I want to write a song about ADHD.
And she's like, I've never heard a pop star do that before.
I'm like, do you think that's weird for the album?
She's like, no, I love it.
I think that's incredible.
And we started writing it together.
And it's just been a song where, when I released it, I've had so many parents come up to me talking about their children, just saying that you know, having ADHD was something that they were ashamed of.
But Ever since they've been listening to my song, it's now their anthem and they feel like it's their superpower too.
So just to be able to help people and transform their lives through music is such a powerful thing.
And I'm just very proud of that song and this album.
Yeah, I wanted to talk about ADHD.
Of course, that's one of the big things that comes out in the documentary, with you talking about your experience with it.
When was it that you first discovered or started to experience it?
And was it uncomfortable in the beginning before you understood what it was?
Yeah, because I was a teenager in school and nobody was really talking about ADHD back then.
It wasn't something that people would really discuss.
And it just had such a negative connotation behind it where people were almost ashamed of it.
So I was just always in school and no matter how hard I would study or try, I would constantly just not be able to remember things in school, be losing my homework, failing tests.
And I just was just always just getting in trouble in school, just I couldn't concentrate or focus.
And it's just because the systems are not built for minds like ours.
And I just didn't know what was wrong.
I was like, always like, what's wrong with me?
Why can't I get this right?
And it was just... really hard on my mental health.
And it wasn't until, you know, in the past years since my documentary, when I started talking to Dr Halliwell, who's my ADHD doctor, and he just taught me so much about it.
And then I just started researching and finding out even more.
So now I completely understand just it's how my brain works.
And now i see it as my superpower, like i don't.
I know i would not be the woman i am today or the entrepreneur without it, because it just gives me such drive and curiosity and creativity and having a million ideas all the time, and just my brain just never stops.
And um, now i've learned to harness it and i just want to spread that message to others especially, you know, young girls and boys who are going through it, to know that this is something that is actually a good thing and you can be successful in life.
And some of the most creative people I know and brilliant geniuses all have ADHD as well.
So I like to be able to spread that message because I wish, when I was growing up, I had someone like that to look up to, to tell me that
So I would have learned about it sooner.
Yeah.
Because it is difficult.
There's this thing called RSD, which is like rejection sensitivity dysphoria, where we're extremely sensitive.
And anything that seems even slightly negative, we will feel physical pain from it.
And it's exhausting and it's painful and it's...
Very difficult to go through.
And I just wish back then I knew about this, because I feel like I would have, you know, not suffered through so much pain, because I would have known that it wasn't true.
It's just, you know, just how our brains work.
Yeah, I don't have ADHD, but when I was young, I would have these heart palpitations.
I'd feel tight chested.
My mom would take me to the doctor.
They'd run some tests and they'd just be like, oh, it's nothing.
And, like now, you'd call it anxiety, or you'd call it a panic attack, or you'd call it, you know, high stress.
And it's so fascinating to me that when we were young or still young, but when we were younger there was no conversation about this at all, especially not in the mainstream.
And so I love that you're making a song about it and giving people an anthem, because all of a sudden it's not just people are talking about it, and the way you're talking about it it's not just coping.
And it's not just managing.
You're actually saying it's my superpower.
Talk to me about how ADHD is your superpower, because you're not just saying I've figured out how to deal with it and I've figured out how to manage it and I've figured out how to cope with it.
You're saying this is actually what makes me a great entrepreneur and a great creator.
Talk to me about that connection.
It just really gives me that drive and also taking risks, doing things first um, just constantly.
My brain is just always moving thinking creating, coming up with different ideas and doing things first and just um, Just thinking outside of the box.
I feel like that's why I've always been such a multi-hyphenate because I have so many ideas.
I have so many different interests and I do what I want.
And another one of my favorite parts of ADHD is hyper-focus, where you know people always think oh, they can't focus.
We can, we just don't focus on things that are boring.
Yeah.
But when we're interested in something, we can laser focus like no other and go into this flow where it's like on another level.
And that's where the magic happens.
So I really encourage people with ADHD to lean into the things that light them up, because you never know what's possible.
And I think that I am proof of that.
That's such a great message.
You're like the original multi-hyphenate, I feel.
You know, like I love that you said twice that you were like doing things first.
That's really important to you.
Yeah.
How have you always had the courage to do things first?
Because doing something first means no one's done it before.
No one knows what it's going to be like.
Why is that?
How have you always found a way to do that when most people would say that's the scariest thing to do?
I just feel like I never wanted to be in one lane.
I wanted to create my own lane.
And I just have always been someone who just loves to do things and take risks, and do things before anyone else maybe even thinks about them.
And that's why I feel like so much of my career I've been so ahead of my time.
Because I've been doing so many things even before the world would even understand what they are.
And now some of the things that I did back then have turned into multi-billion dollar industries that millions of people are doing as well.
Yeah. that also makes me proud to be able to do that.
And then also, you know, open the lanes for other people to be able to do it for themselves as well, because maybe people are too scared to do something, but they're like oh, she did it, maybe I can do it too.
And I think that's pretty cool that you can inspire others to just go for it in life.
You only live once, and I think you should just make the most out of it.
What was your favorite first thing you ever did?
Just everything I did growing up with fashion, just really taking risks with that.
And now to see just so many of the things I was wearing back when I was a teenager.
Even today just are all over mood boards, all over the runway.
So it's really cool to be able to do that.
And then with The Simple Life, that was the first reality show.
And so many people told me, my parents, my agents, everyone was like I don't know.
This is not a good idea.
They didn't really understand what it was, but I knew there was something special about it and I just went for it and did it.
And now that's turned into a whole industry as well.
Yeah, it's pretty insane to think You living your dream and what excited you turned into industries.
Now, we're not talking about trends or fads or moments.
We're talking about industries, which is quite remarkable when you pause to think about that.
How often do you sit there and think about just the impact that that's had?
I think about it a lot, just because so many people are always coming up to me, whether I'm walking on the street or at an event, and just saying like, you're the OG.
You're the reason I do what I do.
You've inspired me my whole life.
That means a lot to me, hearing that from people and just getting the credit that I deserve.
When do you find ADHD to be the most challenging?
We've talked about it where it's the best and it's a superpower.
Where is it difficult?
And actually something that debilitates people sometimes and acts as a moment of pushback.
Yeah, there's so many difficult parts about it.
Um, a lot of people just not understanding it.
And in schools, because schools were not, the systems were not built for brains like ours.
So, just constantly you know teachers and people just punishing you for something that you can't control And, like I said before with the RSD, that is just such a painful experience to go through.
And we feel things so deeply and so big, like every single emotion is like times 10.
So like going through heartbreak or a breakup or anything like that is just so painful.
Or even if someone's you know you think someone's being mean or talking about you like you just always in the back of your mind, sometimes like have this voice.
That's like saying negative self-talk.
And especially for me growing up.
You know in the 2000s they were just the media was so cruel to young women and you know it was like abuse.
And, you know, that was like entertainment back in the day for people.
So to go through all of that with the ADHD was even more difficult.
So I think that, yeah, we're just very sensitive people.
And I think that's also why I have so much empathy for others, because I just know how it feels to be hurt and misunderstood and underestimated.
Yeah, you see it in the documentary.
You talk about how you said the media, you know, painted young women.
You say media was so cruel and vicious to girls.
And you see it, right?
In the documentary, we see the headlines.
We see the kind of stories that they create.
And you just said you're a very sensitive person.
What was the story that you feel most hurt you at the time that now you see, always I had ADHD and I would have focused hyper-focused, on that.
But what was a story or a rumor that you felt most hurt you?
I don't know.
There were so many.
I think it was just like constantly people just making up lies, or you know, if I would just be at a party, or someone would come up to me and, like one paparazzi, would take a picture.
Like the next day they're like, oh, she's hooking up with this person.
And it was like, I literally just met this person and like said hi.
And just that would cause problems in my relationships and fights.
So it was just like the media was constantly making up stories trying to pit women against each other.
They were always wanting, you know all of the girls to like just be making up rumors, to sell tabloids.
So it was just every day just dealing with just...
I don't know just like annoying rumors that are going around, but on a global scale, all around the world.
And I've always been sensitive with my family because I just I don't know, I care a lot what my parents think.
So I would just I don't know, it would just be hard, how they would constantly make up stories just like oh, she was here this night or she did this.
But thank God my mom and dad know the real me so they know the truth.
But still, it's just.
It's hard to go through that on just like such a huge scale, when the whole world is watching you and talking about you.
So that was difficult to go through back then a lot.
I always like to put it in perspective when you're listening, because I didn't come and grow up in this world and I've got closer to this world as my career's moved forward.
And when I was far away from it, I probably believed everything was published to be true.
And now as I've got closer to it, I realize how 99% of what's published is not true.
And so I've been able to see it from both sides.
And I always try and say to people I'm like, When you see that it can sound very easy to be like oh, but you're rich and famous and successful.
This shouldn't bother you.
But the reality is that it does bother you, because we are all bothered by what people think about us.
And we know what it feels like when you walk into a party with 20 of your friends and 15 of them have a rumor.
Now maximize that across the world and amplify that across media.
It's extremely difficult to hear that everyone believes you're X, Y or Z when you're something else.
It's great to hear that your parents actually didn't fall for that.
They didn't buy into it.
They were there as your rock.
How important was that?
How meaningful was that?
So important.
Having a family that loves and supports you is extremely important.
And growing up in this town my whole life.
I've seen so much and I've seen a lot of people who don't have that support from their families.
Did you see different pathways happen to them?
Yeah.
So you've been able to consistently reinvent, build, grow your career, achieve more and more stuff.
What did you see to peers who didn't have that support at home or that mindset?
Very difficult for them, very lonely and not knowing who to trust.
Not even some people not even being able to trust their own family, and a lot of these, you know, kids growing up were the breadwinners for their family.
So that dynamic in itself and then um, Not having I don't know just like those family values instilled in them as well.
So I've seen a lot of people come and go from this town.
Let's put it that way.
I think it's hard to go through this and experience this industry, this lifestyle, and not have that support.
And a lot of these people just spiral. some of them are not even here with us anymore because of that so it's um it's very sad like i feel very grateful to have such amazing parents who love me so much and who support me and we're so close and um you know not everybody has that it must be painful to look back because you now have the wisdom to be able to help but Obviously at that age, you didn't.
And so you just had to take care of yourself.
And I'm sure if you could go and reach out to those people at that time, at that age, it would have helped them.
But they didn't really have that support.
And it's, yeah, it's painful to watch.
I mean you go on to say in the documentary that you know the release of the sex tape was the most painful and violating experience of your life.
I think what's really powerful I said this to you offline as we were talking outside when we were taking pictures that it's really amazing when I was watching the documentary, to watch you reflect on a moment that we all remember, but seeing you reflect on it not emotionally in your healing, because it feels like, at least to me, that you've done so much work on yourself that the healing is there but now you're able to look at it at a moment in time as to how damaging it was for you as a young woman for potentially taking away your music career, for the impact it had on your self-esteem.
Talk to me about how you felt at that time and how your healing has looked to even recover from something like that.
That was you know.
I've been through a lot in my life, but that was, you know, one of the most painful experiences to go through.
To trust someone so much and then to be violated like that and have the entire world watching laughing, talking about it like villainizing me.
I was, you know, 19 when this was filmed.
I was a child and I was in love and trusted someone and, you know, did something i thought that no one would ever see and um, then had the whole world, you know, judging me for something and um, i just, you know watch, like going back and doing this documentary and and reliving that and thinking about it, even it's just like this young girl.
And then there's all these adults like basically sexualizing and you know verbally mentally, like abusing me.
And that wouldn't happen today.
Like, I look at, you know, thinking about it, like, that today, like, he would be, like, in jail.
Like, that would not fly.
And I don't know.
I think...
I also think about it too and, like you know, maybe I had to go through certain things in life so it wouldn't happen to others, because today it would be a completely different story.
But yeah, I feel like that's something that people, if they don't know my story, now that they would judge me for the rest of my life for it.
And growing up, I always looked up to people like Princess Diana and Grace Kelly, all these amazing, elegant women.
And I feel like when he did that to me, it took that away from me.
People would never look at me in that way because of it.
And that is something that will probably haunt me for the rest of my life.
It just makes me so sad for that girl who had to go through that and just feel so alone and just so sad.
Like I just didn't even want to ever see anyone again after that happened.
I was like hiding in my house.
I canceled the whole press tour for The Simple Life because that was literally about to come out like a few days later.
And yeah, something I don't know if I'll ever fully heal from that.
Really?
Really.
I don't know.
I don't think I will.
But I hope by telling my story that I can help others from not having that happen to them and also having it be illegal.
And now there's so many laws against it and there was nothing to protect me back then for it.
But today, women are more protected in that sense.
But there's still more work to do.
And that's something also that I want to use my voice for and fight, because it's not right for anyone to go through something like that.
Was that the reason you revisited in the documentary?
What was your reason for wanting to revisit such a horrific terrible, tragic and heartbreaking time?
Like, why did you do it?
Just... to let others know they're not alone.
I've seen it happen to so many other women had so many people girls reach out to me on social media.
Girls boys, so many people go through that you know where an ex will go and do something like that to them and put it online.
And then it's something that ruins their lives as well.
And the so many people have been through it.
So I want people to know that they're not alone and that's not their shame.
They shouldn't be ashamed for something that someone did to them.
And um Yeah, I think it's important for people to be able to think about it that way, because I feel that that shouldn't define who you are, because that's not who you are.
That's what somebody did to you.
And that's been a really empowering thing for me to feel, to let go of that shame, because it's something I should never have held on to.
Yeah, it's so interesting, isn't it?
Where someone hurts you and takes advantage of you and exploits you, but then you're the one who's left with the shame and guilt.
And then you carry that around and now everyone you see you're reflecting back that shame and guilt.
And like you said, the media makes a storm out of it to get attention off of it and makes it worse.
I can't imagine what you went through at that time.
I can't even begin to fathom, especially as a 19-year-old, to go through that.
And I'm glad that things are changing, but I still worry that the media finds a way to target women?
Like you said, I'm sure you have famous women reach out to you all the time as to how they feel targeted in the media, even today to talk.
Do you get people reaching out and saying, Paris, how do you deal with this?
Yeah, a lot of people reached out to me and just like, how did you survive all this?
You're so strong.
You've been through so much.
And they'll be like, I'm going through something similar right now, and I don't know what to do.
And a lot of people even said, I want to take my own life.
I don't want to live anymore.
Yeah.
I just try to make people feel strong and know that this is something that will pass and they'll get over it and just take back their power in some way.
But yeah, I think just the shame is something that is just so hard to hold on to.
So I think that's important for people to try to heal from that and to let go from it.
But it's something that still happens today and it makes me so sad.
And now you know, with all these platforms and you know the iPhones and all, it's just like the hidden camera.
There's just so many things that are happening and it just people need to stop and people need to be held accountable for it, so they don't think that they can just get away with it.
A new year doesn't mean erasing who you were.
It means honoring what you've survived and choosing how you want to grow.
It means giving ourselves permission to feel what we've been holding and knowing that it's okay to ask for help.
I'm Mike Della Rocha, host of Sacred Lessons.
This podcast is a space for men to talk openly about mental health, grief relationships and the patterns we inherit.
But don't have to repeat.
Here we slow down, we listen, we learn how vulnerability becomes strength and how healing happens in community, not in isolation.
If you're ready to let go of what no longer serves you and step into the year with clarity, compassion and purpose.
Sacred Lessons is your companion on your healing journeys.
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What was that 12-month period after the tape released like for you?
What did life look like?
You said you put off the press tour for a simple life.
I just for several months did not leave my house.
I just didn't want to see anyone.
I don't want to talk to anyone.
I canceled everything.
I didn't want to speak about it.
I just wanted to like ignore it and just pretend like it never happened.
So I would just like not even have to think about it.
People just kept saying like Paris, like we need you here.
Like your show just came out.
And then SNL called and they asked me to come on and Jimmy Fallon had this really funny script that they wanted me to do and I was really nervous to do it.
But I love Jimmy.
He's always been so kind and so lovely and just a really amazing person.
So I went and did it and I feel like that made me feel a little bit better.
I was almost taking my power back and away.
I don't know.
It just was like a turning point for me where after that, then I felt... more comfortable.
It was always difficult and hard, but I knew that I needed to be strong and I knew that I needed to just go on with my life.
But it's something that will always be in the back of my mind.
Yeah, that moment in the documentary, that clip of you on SNL, it feels like that was the moment where you leaned into the narrative, owning it, claiming it in your own way, redefining it.
And that sounds like such a.
That's so counterintuitive, but for you it was marketing genius, but also healing.
It's like it's almost.
It's such a hard moment because it's like there's so much pain internally, but then you have work and a life and you're trying to get it back.
And so talk to me about what reclaiming your narrative meant to you in that moment and what you went on to do.
That felt empowering internally and externally, because I think we see externally how it made sense as a brand, but you're a human.
And as I'm sitting in front of you now and I'm hearing you speak, I'm like, oh no, this is not over for Paris.
It never was, even though the ads and everything took off and everything changed.
What was that internal journey after that?
That was happening while the external brand was being reclaimed.
I think in my mind I just felt like I don't know the whole world had this kind of like what they thought of this like persona.
And I was already creating a character in a way, because of all the other trauma I'd been through as a teenager.
Yeah, which we discussed last time.
Yeah.
So that was like almost like my armor, like this caricature where I was, like this will keep me strong.
And, you know...
They're not actually laughing at me.
They're laughing at this character that I purposely am doing.
So I don't know.
I was kind of just like leaning into it.
Like, oh, you think this is about me.
All right.
Well, I'm going to take it to the next level and I'm going to build an entire brand around an empire.
And I don't know.
I just felt, like always that character, you know, kind of like that dumb blonde persona, just kind of just like shielding me from everything else, and also because i had so much, you know, internalized pain and trauma i'd been through that i was not ready to discuss back then because i just didn't even have the time to reflect on it, because i was young, i was like a million things were happening and, you know, people were not even talking about mental health or any of that.
You know, i think up until like five years ago.
It feels like literally, like literally, yeah.
So there was no room to even do that because nobody.
If you even said the word mental health back then, people wouldn't even know what they would be like, what like a mental hospital, like they wouldn't even understand what that meant.
Um, So it was just like timing was not even right to be able to be serious or talk about it or reflect in that way.
And I was so young that I wouldn't even have known how to put anything into words.
So I kind of just...
I don't know.
I think everything else in my career has just always happened so authentically.
I just kind of lean into things and just have fun with it.
And with the ADHD, I have this kind of almost silly fun side.
And then with the Simple Life show as well, it just kind of... all turned into this thing.
And then I just was like, okay.
And started getting offered all these deals and my new perfume and, just you know, getting paid a million dollars to show up at a party.
I was like, okay, like, let's do this.
So I kind of was just like going with the flow and with life.
And also it was more, I think, easier for me just to like laugh through the pain than actually feel the pain as well.
It can't have been easy that people were saying you put the tape out on purpose either.
That was the thing that was the most painful for me as well for people to believe that because you know something that's the most personal thing that you would never want anyone to see, and then people thinking you did it on purpose, that was something that really upset me.
And then seeing other people come out after and purposely do it, which then people are like oh well, everyone purposely does and it's like no, like that is not how i wanted the world to know me like i'm.
People don't know I'm actually a very, extremely painfully shy person.
And I've always been very shy.
So, yeah, that was something that always upset me.
And then seeing other people do it purposely.
That was another thing where I was like.
This is I don't know.
I just think it's sad if people would purposely do something like that.
Thank you so much for being so open and vulnerable about it because yeah, it's just when you talk about it in the documentary too, and it's so interesting how your recovery from this moment is.
It's brave, but what you just said now is actually it's me laughing through something that I wasn't ready to confront.
And it's interesting because, when you look at it, it's a brilliant case study in marketing from a business standpoint, of someone leaning into a narrative.
But then there's a human healing component that we just forget about.
That we forget that someone's still having to go through this.
Someone's still having to heal through this.
What was the most important part of your healing journey?
Like when did you confront it and what helped?
Like what really worked to recover from something this traumatic?
And I appreciate that you said you haven't fully, you maybe never fully heal, which is completely fair, but what has helped you even be confident to sit here right now and speak about it with so much composure, which I can't believe is easy?
It's definitely been a journey.
The beginning I didn't want to even speak about it at all because it was just too difficult to talk about and just the most humiliating thing to go through.
But now, seeing so many other people who've went through it as well, it gives me the strength to be able to talk about it for them as well.
And now being a mother with a daughter, it makes me feel extremely protective of her and of other women and girls.
But I don't want anyone to ever feel that pain.
So I feel like by me talking about it, maybe it will help others not make that same mistake to not trust someone in that way.
Because unfortunately, you know, It's very rare to find someone you can trust.
I'm so lucky now that I have such an amazing husband who I trust with my life and who would never hurt me and loves me to the moon and back and is obsessed with me.
But I don't even think I would have been ready for this type of love at this point in my life if I had not healed the way I have.
Yeah.
I've been through a lot in my life and I'm proud of how strong I am and resilient and you know, no matter what happens to me in life, it just makes me stronger every single time.
And it's, um, yeah, I'm really, really proud of who I am today.
It's been a lot.
You definitely should be.
I mean, after reading your memoir and speaking to you last time about everything that happened in your teenage years and now talking about this, I'm like You should definitely be so proud.
And I'm so happy as well that you've been able to find a partner that respects you and has an amazing.
As I said earlier, I love Carter.
I think he's awesome.
He's just such great energy and he definitely adores you in the most beautiful, special way.
And for you both to have that now and to have a beautiful family together.
I think it also is inspiring to other people to go wow, you can go through that and, by the healing, still be with someone who does that.
Do you feel Carter was the first person to truly see and understand you, to see you truly?
It was the first time that I've shown myself truly.
Wow.
We started dating in 2019.
That was right before the documentary came out, so I had just finished filming it.
You know, I wasn't even looking for a relationship or anything.
I was like, you know, after what I've been through in life, I'm just going to be single forever.
Like, I don't need anyone.
I can have children on my own.
I can support myself.
And I... just had such a wall around my heart that I didn't think I'd ever let anyone in.
And when I met him that day on Thanksgiving in the Hamptons, I just saw something in his smile, just the way I could see in his eyes like he was a kind person.
I'm so happy that I gave him the chance and let down the walls a little bit for my heart.
And it's just been life-changing to have such an amazing, close relationship with someone.
And I think before I was not ready for that because of what I'd been through in my life, especially with men, that it made me not trust anyone.
But I feel like everything happens for a reason and timing is everything and everything.
I'm so grateful that I did the documentary, because it really made it possible for me to now have this amazing family and my beautiful babies and just this incredible life that I just feel so grateful for every single day.
We get to see the babies in the documentary.
It's so beautiful seeing you with them.
And as a mother, what's been your favorite part about becoming a mother?
Like I did not know like a love like this could exist and they just bring me so much happiness and every morning, just seeing their big smiles and just how excited they are, and just seeing all these just like special moments and the holidays and everything.
The excitement and going to Disneyland.
It feels like being a kid again with them.
I'm just so obsessed, so in love.
They're like my two best friends.
We do everything together and travel the world together.
They're just so smart.
They're so sweet, so kind, loving.
They're so cute together.
They're best friends and just...
He's obsessed with her.
She looks up to him so much.
And it's just so cute just to see their relationship.
And they look exactly like me as well.
So I just look at them like I'm looking at myself almost.
And I just want to give them the most amazing beautiful, fun life and make them incredible human beings and just
I don't know.
I feel like all of my dreams have come true.
Everything I thought about as a little girl has come true.
Wow.
I really believe I manifested Carter, the babies, my home, my pets, all of my things.
So you'd say you're happy?
Yeah, i'm so happy like i used to always make 11, 11 wishes and now every time it's 11 11, i.
I look at carter.
I'm like i don't even know what to wish for anymore.
Like i've like all my wishes have come true and i just feel like the luckiest girl in the world.
I love that.
What's been uh with the kids what's?
What's one lesson from the paris playbook that you want the kids to learn from you?
I want them to know that kindness is the most important thing.
That's something that is so important to me, and just to feel comfortable, to be able to tell me anything and always feel safe.
Just to know that I'll always be there for them and I'll always support them and I'll always give them the best advice.
I just, I don't know.
I want them to always just feel comfortable that they can tell me anything, because I feel like if your kid is too scared to say something to you, then I don't know, then bad things might happen because they don't feel comfortable to say something to you.
I totally agree with that.
I think all the trouble I got into as a kid was because I didn't feel comfortable telling my parents stuff.
Like I wouldn't, I would have avoided so much trouble I got into as a kid.
I was a.
I was a troublesome kid and I was a good person, but I was always just getting involved in the wrong things.
And it was all because I couldn't talk to them about anything.
And if I tried, it would be shut down or I'd be told not to do that or whatever it was.
And there was just no openness in dialogue.
And I love my parents.
They're amazing.
They felt they were doing it from a good place from what they knew.
We have a great relationship.
But at the time now I look back and I think, I wish I could have just told my mom about that.
I wish I could have told my dad about that.
Maybe I wouldn't have, because I was scared and I felt fearful, and that way you end up relying on yourself, but then you end up making mistakes because you're just a kid.
And so I really like that lesson, because it to me that's a really standout lesson of just how do you truly make them feel comfortable to tell you everything and they don't feel judged and they don't feel unloved.
You know, you've had the media treat you in so many different ways.
I wanted to ask you, what was harder, being misunderstood or underestimated?
Hmm.
I feel like so much of my life and career, I've been underestimated.
And something I love doing is proving people wrong.
So I guess I don't mind that as much now because I've really proven them wrong.
But yeah, being misunderstood, I think people just having you know a certain way to think about you, which there's always been so much more to me than what people ever thought.
And I'm showing that side of me now which has been so freeing to be able to show that there's so much more than you know, the girl that they thought they knew, and that there's so much heart and compassion and just showing who I truly am and how strong I truly am.
I think that's been amazing.
To show people what I've been through and now to be able to turn that pain into such a huge purpose and make a difference in so many others' lives through.
That has been so empowering.
Yeah, someone shared a quote with me the other day that said something like the person who can see beauty in everything is undefeated.
And when I'm sitting with you, I think of you as that someone who's been able to find a way of turning their pain into purpose in so many different areas of their life.
Like you can't beat someone who does that.
Yeah.
Like that's the strongest person you'll ever meet, is someone who just can find the meaning, the purpose the, the beauty, the lesson in everything, and then that person can rise from you, know anything that they go through and everything that they go through.
And for me, i wanted to ask you what, what boundary have you put into your life that you think changed your life?
Have you set boundaries that you think change the trajectory of your life?
I think for a lot of my life I just cared so much about what other people thought of me.
And I think an important message to other people as well is that it doesn't matter what others think of you.
What matters most is what you think of yourself.
And that has been a powerful message for me to remind myself of.
And now I just feel like I'm more myself than ever.
And I want others to be able to feel that they can do that too.
And the power of being vulnerable.
Because, before you know, I just always grew up thinking like oh, like being strong and being perfect.
Like that is, you know, it matters.
But no, being real and being authentic and being vulnerable and talking about even the things that hurt or things that are scary to talk about.
That really just opens the door for others to feel safe to do the same thing.
And I think that's been an important thing, an important message of my life.
Yeah, as I'm sitting here listening to you, I'm almost thinking that when we're young, you all feel you have to be one version of yourself, because you want to be the cool person, or the person who fits in, or the person who sets trends.
And you almost become this persona of who you think people like.
And then as we get older, it's almost like we give ourselves permission every decade to be more of ourselves.
Like I feel so much more of who I am 360 today than I ever did when I was 18 years old.
And it would be ridiculous to expect your 18-year-old self to be your most complete self, because you haven't even had all the experiences of life yet.
And now I look back and I think, oh yeah, every decade is just about me becoming more of me and giving myself permission to even be the parts of myself that other people would have laughed at before or poked fun at or not been interested in.
It's almost like no, I like this part of me and I'm happy to live with it because it's not going anywhere yeah, like it's always gonna be here.
A new year doesn't mean erasing who you were.
It means honoring what you've survived and choosing how you want to grow.
It means giving ourselves permission to feel what we've been holding and knowing that it's okay to ask for help.
I'm Mike Della Rocha, host of Sacred Lessons.
This podcast is a space for men to talk openly about mental health, grief relationships and the patterns we inherit.
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What's something you used to think was love, but now you realize it wasn't?
I was just watching on TikTok the other day.
There's like this girl who's like an ADHD kind of influencer.
And she was just saying, like how a lot of us like confuse love, but it's actually the ADHD with the hyper focus.
So I feel like so many times that I thought I was in love was just actually my ADHD, because Because you have to focus on something.
Yeah, you just like, you want that like, we love like dopamine rush or something.
Yeah, dopamine rush.
So it was kind of just like, you think it's love, but it was just actually, I don't know.
But then you get bored right after.
So I think there was just so many times like I thought it was really love, but it was literally just because of the ADHD.
Wow.
It was a really funny video.
I'll send you it.
Yeah, send it.
We'll put it up right now for when people are watching.
Yeah.
I was just like, oh my God, I love this.
I sent it to so many of my friends who have ADHD.
I was like, this makes so much sense.
Like so many times I thought I was in love and it was not at all.
This was literally just the ADHD.
All those poor guys, Paris.
You love them.
Sorry, guys.
That's so funny.
Wow.
So because you get hyper-focused, but then you get bored quickly.
Yeah.
It's almost like you could get fixated on someone.
You totally head over heels for them.
And then tomorrow it's like- You forget they exist.
Wow.
Forget they exist.
Yeah.
Cause another thing with ADHD is like, if it's out of sight, it's out of mind.
Like you'll just people even objects, anything like, if it's not there, you just.
It's called object permanence.
Like you just don't even realize they exist anymore.
So sorry guys.
Does that affect any other area of your life?
Like do you have to be mindful of it now that you're married and a mom and does it affect life still today?
Or
Not like Carter, because I love him.
I always remember him.
But yeah, with other parts of my life.
That's why I did this show actually with YouTube.
And I partner with Google on this.
And it's called Inclusive by Design.
And it's literally a show that teaches you how to make inclusive spaces in your home, in your office or just in your life for people with ADHD.
So that's something that I've been like learning a lot about, which has been so interesting and so much fun.
That is interesting.
I mean it's.
It's brilliant though, because I feel like you found all these tools and principles or concepts that you understand about how your brain works, and therefore you can actually create a space in a way that fulfills you and makes a difference in the morning, rather than waking up feeling reactive to whatever you go through.
What are some of the rhythms and routines you've had to put into place that help you thrive with your ADHD?
We see in the documentary you're performing in front of thousands of people, you're rehearsing, you're writing.
It's stressful.
We see moments of you breaking down as well.
What are the routines you've had to set up that have allowed you to thrive at this level for this long?
A lot of putting systems in place, a lot of having to organize, explaining. people on my team.
What do you have to say to them?
What do you say to someone?
Your team's wonderful, by the way.
Thank you.
They're amazing.
Everyone's got such great energy.
Thank you so much.
What do you have to say to them to explain what they're going to be in for?
Because they may not have had that experience before.
Yeah.
I'll just...
How just like certain systems need to be.
Like I just need like things.
Like it's hard to describe because there's so many things that I do in different areas.
Like from like the music, the business, all of it, the advocacy work.
But it's really just like, I don't even know how to describe it right now.
But I'm also lucky that a lot of the people on my team have ADHD as well.
So they get it.
They get it as well.
And you know we're we're very creative, but we do need like systems and we need people to understand that.
And yeah.
Yeah.
I don't even know why I can't describe it right now.
No, I get it.
It's different.
No, I'm intrigued because I think again, there'll be lots of listeners who might be helped by that, because I think a lot of people are trying to figure it out and are trying to thrive with ADHD.
We're seeing people being diagnosed.
And I think, as you said, you're successful.
You're reinventing yourself.
You do a lot of different things.
And you're doing that with ADHD.
And so yeah, my reason for asking was more, just so that people could learn some of those tips and tricks.
But the documentary shows a lot of what you're working through, so people can definitely watch that and figure it out there.
All right, I've got a few last questions I want to ask you.
What did you used to apologize for that you no longer apologize for?
Trying to think what I would apologize for.
Hmm, feel like i've been unapologetic, like i feel like that's always i've lived my life.
Yeah, that's a good answer, but maybe apologizing, like like always having to like be perfect.
And now i'm like don't always have to be perfect, because no one is perfect and It's what life is about and you can make a mistake but you learn from it and you grow from it.
So I feel like everything in life happens for a reason.
And even if you don't know the reason today, one day you'll find out.
So you just have to like, think about like in life that everything is a journey and it's all just going to bring you up to the next level of like who you are in life.
So yeah.
Yeah.
It can be hard sometimes, but it makes you stronger.
I really believe that.
Paris, we were talking about this before we started recording.
You posted a really heartbreaking video of losing your home earlier this year.
And I had so many friends lose home.
I'm sure you had so many friends lose home.
It was terrible.
And LA is so large that When you're driving through it, you could even not see all of it.
And I think a lot of people who are visiting LA would be like, where were the fires?
And it's like, LA's just huge.
There's so many areas that are sadly completely torn down and torn apart.
Losing a home feels like one of the deepest grieving that you go through in life.
It's your memories, your everything else.
Talk to me about what it felt like to even go through that this year.
And of course it was such a shock for everyone.
It was... terrifying, just to see so much devastation.
I've grown up in LA my whole life, and just to see so many people lose everything was heartbreaking.
And the night after the first night of the wildfires here, my husband and I, our kids, we were just eating breakfast, watching the news and All of a sudden, you know, we see this woman standing in front of this house and Carter looks and he's like that is our house, the blue door in Malibu.
And I looked, I was like, no, it's not.
And then I saw the address and it was just like in the background, just like our house, just in flames, burnt down to the ground, completely gone.
And that's how we found out about it.
Right away, I was just thinking of all of the memories that I had with my babies there, all of the art that we made together, family heirlooms, just so many things that were irreplaceable and just so many memories all gone.
But then I just started thinking about all of the other families and mothers and children who had lost everything and they had nowhere to go that night.
And I was just completely heartbroken.
And I reached out to my team Rebecca, who's the head of my impact, called 1111 Impact, which is my organization impact arm of my company, and it's like, what can I do to help?
And immediately went over to baby to baby and started helping them with just packing up supplies for families and then went down to Pasadena Humane Society and fostered a dog and started filming all the pets there that had been, you know, lost in the fires and they didn't have collars, so just reuniting them with their families and posting them up so that people would know about them and making donations to them as well.
And then called up Hilton.
I'm like, what else can we do?
Like we need rooms for these people.
They have nowhere to, you know, nowhere to live now.
So put a bunch of families up in homes and then started a whole thing online.
We raised like one and a half million dollars within two days and then partnered with GoFundMe and then raised like even more money and then gave 50 small owned businesses women, businesses that lost their businesses in the fire all big grants to rebuild.
And then went out and been visiting in Altadena and just helped with the Altadena girls and built this living lounge where it's like this whole place where all these girls can go and hang out.
And it's like really pink and beautiful and so fun and they we just um, they just had an opening with like two weeks ago and the girls were all there.
So it's just so amazing just to see how much happiness it brought them.
So, even though, you know, losing our home, i immediately just started thinking about everyone else who'd been affected by it and seeing what i could do to make a difference.
And um, People are still rebuilding, even though the media is not talking about it anymore because the news cycles move so fast.
People are still trying to rebuild their lives and we are still actively working with them to help that happen.
So it's been great traumatizing, but also just seeing all the communities come together and so many people supporting each other.
I thought was such a beautiful thing to see.
Yeah, I thought it was incredible to see the resilience of LA.
I think LA gets such a bad rap sometimes. for being weak or soft or being, you know, too whatever.
And everyone was out on the streets helping each other.
There was just so much community and there was so much camaraderie, and everyone showed up and it was all the examples that you were beautifully involved in.
And just, I really felt alive here.
Like it felt that everyone was trying so hard to help each other.
And it was so beautiful to see the city come together, even though it was know, extremely tragic and traumatic for everyone who went through it the fact that people showed up and served in everyone else's time of need.
I was so needed and and i couldn't couldn't agree with you more.
The work continues, it's not solved and it's not over, and and it keeps going.
Paris, you've been amazing today, as always.
Uh, i love talking to you.
I learned so much from you.
I was getting to know you at the time and when i read you remember i transformed everything I understood about you.
And when I saw this documentary, and even today, after talking to you about it, I feel the same way that I don't know how you did it.
And I don't know how it felt, but I do know that it's extremely inspiring and it's going to give a lot of courage to a lot of people.
And I really hope that it saves a lot of people from some pain.
And I'm grateful that someone like you is able to put their story out there in a way to uplift and empower others and own their narrative and reclaim it.
It's beyond needed.
And I hope so many young men and women watch the documentary, read your memoir and recognize that their lowest point doesn't have to be a continuation of their life and that they can transform it and turn it into something beautiful.
And I want to end with asking you, we had to redo this because it's your second time.
We're doing a quick fire round with you of some fun and some profound questions.
So these are your fun questions, Paris Hilton.
So what trend from the early 2000s do you wish the world would bring back?
And what trend should stay buried forever?
I love seeing just so many people inspired by all of the trends that I created back in the 2000s.
Just seeing, just like all of the things that are blinked out, all the slogan tees, just the Motorola Razr flip phones, just all of the different styles of outfits.
Like the fashion was just so much fun back then.
The one thing I don't like is Ed Hardy, which I've noticed some people are wearing again.
I can't with it.
I'm just not into it.
I love that.
Great answer.
We all wore Ed Hardy because of you, so I'm just going to put that out there.
I'm glad we didn't have that many pictures taken of us back then.
I did.
Yeah, I know you did, but that's why we all did it.
So I'm glad there's no pictures of me and Ed Hardy.
That's what I'm saying.
What's one headline from that decade that shocks you because it was so far from the truth?
There was a story that said I was dating Michael Jackson, which I've grown up with him my whole life.
My mom and him were best friends since they were 13.
So he was like a family to me.
So when I heard that rumor, I was like, you guys will literally make up anything.
That is bizarre.
It's ridiculous.
That is bizarre, okay.
All right, when you said that's hot for the first time, did you realize what you'd created?
I was like seven years old.
Really?
My sister would always say with me, it was something she actually said at first.
Then I was like, I love that, so I started saying it a lot.
Then when I got The Simple Life, then I had it trademarked, so I actually own That's Hot.
But back then, I would have never have known it would turn into such a pop culture.
Absolutely.
Infinitely iconic.
Yes.
Infinitely iconic.
Okay, if you and Nicole did The Simple Life today, what job would you want to try first?
Well, we did for Peacock the anniversary special, which was so much fun.
And we went back to Arkansas and went and visited the family we stayed with and all the people we worked for.
It was so much fun.
But if we had to do something again, I think it would be fun to be like nursery school teachers, because we both love kids and we're so fun with them.
And I love how kids just say so many funny things.
So I think that would be a lot of fun.
I love that.
That's a great answer.
You've had an incredible multi-decade career.
What is the most full circle moment that you've had so far being in DC and passing my first federal bill to protect children.
Like that's something that's I've done a lot in my life that I'm proud of, but doing that work has been just the most healing and empowering work of my life.
And I'm extremely proud that I'm able to protect so many children and to change 15 state laws as well.
Which, as a little girl, I never would have thought it would be possible that I could ever do something like that.
But.
How hard was that to get instated and how was it already not instated?
That's amazing.
That's incredible.
Thank you.
I mean, that's huge.
Thank you.
How hard was it to get something like that into action?
It's been a lot of work and I continue doing the work.
It's been four years of going back and forth to DC and speaking with all of the senators and legislators and telling my story and bringing other survivors with me to tell their stories.
And it's something that my team and I are, you know, working on a daily basis, because all children should be protected all around the world.
And this is work that I'm not only doing in the States, I'm going to be doing on a global level, because this is unfortunately, something that is still happening today.
And, you know, hundreds of children have died in the name of treatment and it needs to stop.
And you know no one was talking about it before I was and now it's turned into an entire movement where survivors are finally being believed and it's been so validating for so many of them and it's made such a difference.
So that's just been um, something that i can't.
As a little girl, i never would have thought that was possible.
But proving anything is possible, i mean that's beyond powerful.
That's that's incredible, like that's to be able to have that impact at that scale and protect so many people coming forward.
And if we don't protect our kids, then what are we doing?
It's to do?
That is that's really, really powerful.
I can't wait to continue to see you do that internationally, especially because sadly, it's such a global issue.
I know.
That's the last question I'm gonna ask you, Paris.
So my last question is what's a piece of advice that has kept you going through all the incredible highs and the incredible lows till this day?
What's the advice?
What's the insight?
What's the wisdom that you carry?
You can survive anything.
If you have heart and that you spread love and kindness throughout the world and that everything in life comes back to you, what you put out really comes back to you.
And that people should just lead with kindness always.
And that kindness is iconic.
I love that.
Kindness is iconic.
I'm going to say that all the time now because you said that.
And also, if anyone sees me wearing anything blingy, it's because Paris told me that because I shine a light, I'm allowed to do that.
Exactly.
You might start seeing me in bittersweet sequined outfits.
That's why I wore it today because you shine a light.
So I was like, the light reflects in the light and we're both light.
I love that.
Paris Hilton, I'm so excited for people to watch Infinite Icon.
Today, again, you've illuminated so much hidden meaning behind so many moments.
I learn so much whenever I'm with you.
I'm so excited for the world to get to see all of these incredible messages and I continue to be a fan and supporter and feel so fortunate that I've got to know you.
And I cannot wait to see what's next and what's in store.
Thank you for your time and energy.
Thank you so much.
It means so much coming from you.
And I'm so happy and I can't wait to do it again.
Yeah, me too.
Absolutely.
We'll have you back in two years.
Loves it.
But then looking at myself in the mirror and being like, but I know who I am.
Why does anything else matter?
