Welcome back to Advice Session, a series here on Anything Goes where you send in your current And I mean, literally anything you want advice on.
And then I give you my unprofessional advice and you take it with a grain of salt.
Today's topic is overthinking. It's like thinking but when you do too much of it.
I will say one of the greatest challenges as a human being is balancing the right amount of a good thing.
Like thinking is a good thing. If you think a lot, you're probably more self-aware and you probably make better decisions.
But if you think too much, then you're too self-aware and you don't make any decisions.
You see what I'm saying? Too much exercise is bad for your body, but no exercise at all is not good for your body. you have to find the perfect Goldilocks happy medium.
Too much of hanging out with your friends is a bad thing.
Not having any friends at all is a bad thing.
So you have to find the perfect Goldilocks amount.
And the same thing goes for thinking. Too much of a good thing is bad and it's tough to navigate.
I'm somebody who's particularly familiar with overthinking because I myself am prone to overthinking.
However, I'm kind of like extreme in my thinking.
I either overthink to the point where it's harmful or I just go with my gut.
And there's not a lot of in between, naturally anyway.
Over the years, I've gotten better at managing my overthinking so that I don't hold myself back But it's been a journey and it hasn't been easy for me because I'm a control freak and I'm a perfectionist.
And if you are those two things, you are definitely going to be an overthinker as well.
And so my nature makes me overthink. And it's taken a lot of work to sort of get better at not letting it get in the way.
I've worked really hard to manage it. And so I think I'm properly primed to give you unprofessional, I must say, unprofessional advice on this topic.
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Now back to the episode. Somebody said, I fear I overthink and overcomplicate my situationships and that's why they don't ever work out.
Is it my fault? How do I be more relaxed about things?
Let's do something together. Let's look up what a situationship is because I have a vague understanding of what it means.
It's like what being in a romantic relationship, but there's no label.
Let's see. Okay, according to the internet, a situationship is a type of romantic or sexual relationship that lacks clear definition, commitment, or a formal label.
It's often described as a relationship without the expectations or responsibilities associated with traditional dating or exclusive partnerships.
Essentially, it's a relationship that's more than just casual, but not quite a full fledged relationship.
Okay, well, here's what I think the issue is for you.
This is my personal opinion on what your issue is.
I think, I suspect that the reason why these situationships aren't working out and it's feeling like... you're being too controlling in them, you're overthinking everything and you're overcomplicating everything isn't because you're flawed in some sort of way.
I actually don't necessarily think this is a you issue.
I don't think you need to like look inward and work on yourself.
I think it's simply this. You're trying to be in a real relationship in situationships.
You're just not somebody who psychologically can be in a situationship.
And by the way, that's normal. That's okay.
Situation chips are not for everyone. In fact, they're not for me.
I can't do it. I thrive with clear structure, labels, and boundaries in relationships.
That's... I need that. I need that... to function psychologically in a relationship.
I need to know that I'm committing to this person and they're committing to me.
And that we're in a partnership together.
And that's kind of it. You know, there's no other variables outside of us romantically.
It's just us. And that's it. And I have a slew of reasons for that, for me personally.
Number one, you know, it's a safety thing, like a sexual safety thing.
I just feel more comfortable. Having one partner at a time, I have a lot of health anxiety and it just makes me feel more comfortable.
That's number one. Number two... I'm trying to build a partnership with somebody that's going to hopefully last for a long time, I'm basically trying to figure out who I'm going to have children with one day.
You know, that's kind of... why I date.
Less so just for like a partnership, but also because I want to build a family one day and I need to find who I want to build that family with.
And so... I wanna make sure it's somebody who's fully willing to commit to me as their partner.
And I wanna be in a relationship where this other person has to sacrifice being with other people to be with me because that sacrifice shows how seriously they value me.
That's important to me. And last but not least, like, I really love the safety and comfortability of just being in a solid kind of classic sort of relationship.
Like that just works for me in my brain.
It just, I'm not worried about my partner going off and falling in love with somebody else. because we're in an open relationship or we're in a situation ship and they're going to fall in love with somebody else and leave me.
It just makes me feel safe. Listen, By the way, in monogamous relationships that are labeled and there's clear rules and it's clearly defined, can your significant other still cheat on you?
Yes. Can they leave you? Yes. Like all of these things are still possible, but I can handle that element.
As long as there's at least an effort and a promise, like I can sleep at night knowing that there's an effort and there's a promise.
And if it gets broken... That fucking sucks.
But at least it seems like we're on the same page.
You know what I mean? That's what works for me.
And it seems like that's what works for you, but you're trying to be in situationships because...
Perhaps it's what your friends are doing, or perhaps it's the style of relationships that the people that you're interested in prefer to participate in.
You know, for whatever reason, you're chasing after situationships But it seems to me that that's not the type of relationship that works for you mentally.
Because if you're overthinking it and overcomplicating it, That just means that you're trying to turn it into a real relationship, but it's not ever going to be that because it's agreed that it's a situationship.
You can't thrive in a situationship because it doesn't work for you.
And it's so important to think figure out when it comes to dating what type of relationship works for you.
Some people... cannot be in a monogamous relationship.
They're like, I feel tied down. I'm too sexually adventurous.
I really love to... experience new partners.
I want to find somebody who's on the same page so that, you know, whatever.
That's so important to find out because somebody who just can't function properly in a monogamous relationship is gonna end up overcomplicating a monogamous relationship.
They might cheat. they might, whatever, in drama, unnecessary drama can start.
You owe it to yourself and you owe it to the people that you're dating to figure out what works for you so that you can kind of... You can go into relationships... understanding what works for you and say, hey, this is what works for me.
And if it doesn't work for you, this might not be a good match.
And that's okay, you know? But I think, like, my suggestion would be maybe start dating with a different intention, you know?
Start dating with the intention of... maybe a more defined partnership.
There's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with what your dating style is.
It only becomes wrong and it only becomes a problem if you're in the wrong kind of relationship.
That's what I think. So no, it's not your fault necessarily.
Like for whatever reason, who knows why, We all thrive in different types of relationships.
It's a mystery to me. I could Google it, but I don't really care enough.
It might be nature. It might be nurture.
Who knows? It doesn't even fucking matter.
It doesn't really matter because we are the way that we are.
And to try to... force yourself into a type of relationship that doesn't work for you, it is fully like trying to put a puzzle piece in the wrong place.
It'll just never work. You can bend it and you can try, but, and it might work for a minute.
It You have to know yourself in order to be able to date successfully in a way that works for you.
So perhaps it's just looking for something different. maybe you're just not a situationship person.
And that's okay, because I'm not either.
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Okay, next. Two people actually said a very similar thing, so I'm gonna answer them together.
One person said, I overthink so much to the point where I almost never can actually execute on anything.
I feel paralyzed. How do I get out of this?
And then somebody else said, I'm very indecisive and struggle to make even small decisions.
How do I simplify it for myself and get better at making decisions?
I understand this. This is like just the epitome of overthinking, not being able to make decisions.
And then it being so overwhelming. the choice of what to do, that you just end up doing nothing.
And I get it. And it makes sense because every time you're faced with a decision, small or large, it does not matter.
You are choosing one thing and then you're throwing away the other option.
Do you know what I'm saying? That feeling of throwing away the other option is terrifying because every time you make a decision... and you choose one thing and throw away the other, you're risking experiencing regret about what you chose.
You might regret it. Every single decision you make, you might regret. there is always a 50% chance that you will regret what you chose.
And for some of us, that is so overwhelming. that we'd rather just not make a decision at all.
And so it makes complete sense. I totally get it.
And I've done this myself many times in my life.
But what really helped me was realizing it's actually worse to just not make a decision at all.
Yes, you avoid regret. But in another way, you're going to experience regret anyway, because now you're regretting not doing anything at all.
At least when you make a decision and you execute and you make a choice, there's a 50% chance that you'll make the right decision and that it'll be incredibly fruitful for you.
You're actually just guaranteeing regret by running away from the choice, by running away from the decision.
So if you really think about it, you have nothing to lose.
If the option is to either make a decision, execute on something, do it or to not do anything at all and to just freeze, you have nothing to lose because you're already basically... You're basically... accepting defeat immediately.
You're not even giving yourself the chance to succeed.
You're not even giving yourself the chance to make the right decision.
Because you're not making the decision. You see what I'm saying?
You're worse off freezing up. Let that set you free.
The fact that at least if you try, at least if you make a decision, you have a 50% chance of making the right decision.
You know, what a beautiful that you're either going to make the right decision or the wrong.
And guess what? Even if you make the wrong decision, that's at least a learning experience.
You don't learn anything. from not doing anything, from freezing up.
You just are frozen up now, literally. So you can't grow if you're all frozen up.
At least if you make the wrong decision, you learn something from it.
You see what I'm saying? So what you're afraid of is already happening.
You're afraid of making the wrong decision and holding yourself back.
But you're already doing that by not doing anything.
You see what I'm saying? So it's so important to remember this because...
Once you remember it, you're like, well, I have to at least do something.
And listen, it's okay to overthink something that's potentially dangerous.
That's okay to overthink. That's like the only scenario in which overthinking is not even overthinking.
It's actually like, okay, I don't want to do this danger.
Like, should I do this dangerous thing like skydiving?
Like, oh, should I skydive? Listen, most of the time people skydive and they're totally fine, but is there risks with skydiving?
Absolutely. Overthinking that to the point where you're like, oh, I just can't do it.
I think that's fine because there's actually a genuine physical risk to your body.
That is the only time to me where I think, you know what, even if you end up doing nothing, I think it's okay.
I don't have a problem with that. Some people would disagree with me and say, that's also another example of a growth experience.
The chances of you getting injured are low.
And like, if you do it, you'll have a growth experience from getting over a fear, whatever.
But I don't necessarily agree with that.
I'm more talking about like something like going on a date or deciding what job to take or... deciding to put energy and time into working on a passion project.
If you're overthinking those types of decisions to the point where you just do nothing, you're immediately failing.
Which, again, failing isn't always a bad thing, right?
Even this experience that you're having now of being like, of overthinking is teaching you something too.
But... you're better off just trying it than completely running away from it altogether.
Your goal in life shouldn't necessarily be to like succeed in every single endeavor in your life. but rather to experience as many things as possible, which inevitably will bring success, but also failure that will teach you things.
You see what I mean? But I do have some specific hacks on how to handle... this type of overthinking to the point of freezing.
And so... Here are those hacks. Number one, set a timer.
It sounds kind of stupid, but if you're spiraling and you cannot make a decision, but you're like, I kind of need to, Set a timer.
The timer could be for an hour. It could be for six hours.
Maybe you give yourself six hours to think.
Maybe you give yourself 48 hours to think.
But set a timer and say, by the end of this timer, I need to make my decision.
I need to figure out what my next move is.
And it'll give you... Like having... a time frame on it really helps you intentionally think about the decision that you have to make.
You know? It really helps you... Like the little bit of pressure, just, I don't know, it helps you think more clearly in some ways at times.
At least that's been my experience. Yeah.
I don't do this a lot, but like it's something that in a very particular type of overthinking situation can be incredibly helpful.
Another hack, practice going with your gut instinct more often.
Because we all have gut instincts. We all have gut reactions to things.
So start listening to that a little bit more.
Because just because you're an overthinker doesn't mean that you don't have a gut reaction.
We all have like... immediate reactions.
Like let's say you are on a dating app, okay?
And you start messaging back and forth with somebody that you're interested in.
And then they're like, oh, we should meet up.
And then you start overthinking meeting up.
You're like, well, but what if... We don't click as well in person and I'm so heartbroken.
What if we meet up and I'm not attracted to them?
What if we meet up and it's super awkward and it's so uncomfortable and like then I'm stuck in this two hour date and it's so awkward and I like don't know how to get out of it.
You know, what if, what if, what if? And then instead of, you know, being like, oh, you know what?
I think we need to talk on the phone a little bit longer and then I can make my decision.
Or instead of being like... you know what?
Fuck yeah, let's do it. You just stop responding.
Instead, listen to your gut reaction when you get the message saying, let's hang out.
Perhaps your gut reaction was, oh, Yay, I'm excited.
I really want to do that. I really like this person.
That's probably going to be your gut reaction because otherwise you wouldn't be talking to them. go off your gut.
The second you feel excited about it because you got that message from them and they want to meet up in person, respond to me like, let's do it.
What do you want to do? Just go, go, go.
Don't think. Don't even give yourself the time to fucking think.
Another example could be, let's say you're searching for jobs and you're you go and you do a job interview and then you get an offer.
And immediately you're like, I don't actually, you know what?
I don't like this offer. This offer doesn't feel good.
Instead of overthinking it to the point where you're like, well, but maybe it could be good because maybe because of this, or maybe it could be, listen, if your gut instinct was no, then maybe the answer is fucking no and go with no.
Although I feel like with a job, it's sometimes a bit more complicated.
But if you... You know what it is? No, let's say it like this.
If you have two job options... right? And you're trying to choose between two and one gives you a really good gut feeling and the other one doesn't, but maybe the other one pays a little bit more, but the hours are more strenuous.
Like but the other one is so much more appealing to you and your gut was more excited about the other one, go with the other one.
Don't even give yourself time to overthink it.
Just go with the other one. Do you see what I'm saying?
Practice going with your gut. Practice makes perfect.
And listen, should we always go with our immediate gut reaction all the time?
I mean, I don't know. I don't know. Maybe not.
Maybe sometimes it makes more sense to like really deeply think about something and really deeply analyze something.
But a lot of times our gut feelings are not for nothing.
They should be listened to. And so practice that muscle, you know, work out that muscle and get comfortable with trusting your instincts.
Another hack is to make a goal for yourself to execute on something once per week.
Okay, if you're somebody who overthinks everything so much so that you barely can do anything, make a goal to execute on one thing per week.
Or maybe it's one big thing per month. It doesn't matter.
But just have a goal set for yourself. Like by the end of this week or by the end of this month, I'm going to execute on one thing instead of overthinking it.
Then you're not like... This can be more approachable if you're somebody who really, really is an overthinker and it's something that's like... so ingrained in you that it's very unnatural, just trying to do it once per week. can help get you into the routine of actually executing on things and realizing that it's not that scary.
And then... you know, maybe you can start listening to your gut instinct and that can be the next step.
But if you're really, really struggling, just making like a realistic goal for yourself can be so helpful.
But just having that goal can help you execute on it.
And last but not least, manage your expectations.
And also... Try to reframe your fear around making the wrong decision, doing the wrong thing.
What's the worst that could happen? You make the wrong choice?
Okay, then you learn something. Really use mindfulness to help you reframe your fear around not making the right decision.
And accept going into every single thing that you do in life that you might fail and that that's okay.
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Now back to the episode. Okay, moving on.
Somebody said, how do I stop overthinking every single interaction I have?
Why do I do that? In my life, in my experience, when I'm going through a phase where I'm overthinking social interactions, it's usually because I'm going through a phase in my life where I'm struggling with my confidence and my self-esteem.
And I mean, I think a lot of social challenges like this are rooted in our self-esteem and our confidence.
This is like a common root of issues. So it's not really about like, I don't know, like it's not like it helps to be more social.
That's not, it's not like a... social anxiety issue.
It's not like a, I don't really know how to be social thing.
It's about how you perceive yourself. It's about how you feel about yourself. you're overthinking every single interaction you're having with other people because you're not confident in your interactions.
You're not confident in who you are in interactions.
And why is that? Well, I doubt it's because you're mean or...
I don't know, like you're saying super weird stuff like that.
It's probably not that. It's probably because you just aren't confident in yourself.
You don't believe in yourself. You think that people are judging you because you're judging yourself.
So you're like, there's no way other people aren't judging me because I'm judging myself.
And so to get to the root of this issue, it comes down to confidence and self-esteem.
And I've given a lot of advice on how to build confidence and self-esteem, but you know what?
I'm going to do it again. I'm going to do it again.
I think there are quite a few ways that you can build your confidence and your self-esteem, but a few... are number one, having a clear set of morals and values and sticking to them.
There's something really self-assuring about knowing what being a good person is to you and then embodying that.
Having a clear idea of what you admire in other people and then striving to be like that and being as much like that as you can.
If you are a version of a human being that you respect in other human beings, if you live by the highest standards quality morals and values and priorities, you're just going to naturally feel better about yourself.
Because you have a clear understanding of what it means to be a good person in your eyes and you are that.
How could you not respect yourself if you truly believe that you're a good person and you have evidence of that because you know exactly what it means to be a good person to you?
And you are actively being that every single day, or at least you're trying to.
That naturally will build your sense of self-esteem and confidence because... you're a good person.
You can also build confidence through treating others with warmth and kindness, treating others with generosity.
And I don't necessarily mean like... financially or... No.
You can be generous with a smile, with holding the door, with helping somebody bring their groceries to their car, with... asking someone if they're okay, if they seem sad.
There are so many different ways that you can be warm and kind and generous.
And it's miraculous how it can change the way you perceive yourself when you're a beam of light for others.
When you're a beam of light for others, in big or small ways, it doesn't even matter.
Doesn't matter the size. Doesn't matter the scale.
Doesn't matter if money's involved. It's not about that.
When you're a light in other people's lives, you're a light in your own.
It's almost like literally as though you are a light.
If you're lighting up other people's lives... you're also lighting up yours because if you are sort of like a beam of light and then you're in your body all the time, you're with you all the time, If you're a light for others, you end up being a light for yourself.
And that helps build a sense of appreciation for oneself.
And also it helps build confidence to know like I'm a valuable person in people's lives.
I bring value. joy and warmth and kindness to other people's lives.
I'm a valuable person in that way. And we're all valuable people But we can forget that sometimes.
And I think when you see how you treat others and you see how it helps them, you can see clear as day how valuable you are.
It proves that to you. And so that can also be an incredible tool.
But I think it's also really important to take care of yourself physically and mentally.
If you are not taking care of yourself, you're not gonna feel good about yourself. you're not gonna feel confident.
You're not gonna feel like you're awesome.
You're gonna feel kind of icky. There's something about putting yourself into clothing that you feel comfortable in, that you feel confident in.
There's something about taking a good shower and exfoliating your body and doing your little skincare routine.
There's something about... taking time to relax if you need it every once in a while, giving yourself a you day every once in a while.
There's something about moving your body, giving yourself the time. to go for a 30-minute walk in the middle of the day just to get moving because it makes you feel good.
It's so important when it comes to self-esteem and confidence to take care of yourself.
How are you supposed to be confident if you're not taking care of yourself, if you don't feel good?
Why would anyone... How can you be confident if you don't feel good?
It's impossible. So... Set yourself up to feel good and you'll naturally find yourself feeling more confident and you'll feel your self-esteem boosting.
And last but not least, have discipline in your life.
Listen, discipline like thinking is something that you can definitely take too far.
You know, you don't want to be so disciplined to the point where you have no life, but we have to have some sort of sense of discipline in our lives because discipline creates discipline.
Respect. When we're disciplined with ourselves and we prove to ourselves that we can do hard things, that we can... keep up with a routine that we can keep a promise to ourselves because we want to accomplish something, that builds self-respect.
And I mean, listen, everybody's different.
But with me, when I have a solid sense of self-esteem and confidence, and let me tell you, it is a constant work in progress.
It's not like, oh, I did all these things and now I'm super confident forever.
No, it is a work in progress. And I am personally constantly refining and perfecting my sense of self in this way.
But if you can work on yourself in this way, you'll find socially, it's so much easier.
You're not going to be overthinking every single interaction that you have because you're confident in what you bring to a conversation.
You're confident in what you bring to a social interaction.
Because you know your value. You respect yourself.
You trust yourself. So you're not worried about it anymore.
Because you're so sure that it doesn't even matter what other people think because you've worked on yourself enough to be almost immune to other people's opinions of you.
So you don't even care anymore. Why overthink it? when it doesn't really matter because you know you're awesome.
Now, there is one exception when it comes to overthinking social interactions.
There is a chance that you're just an anxious person.
You're just an anxious person and you worry about everything, right? like it doesn't even matter what it is.
Like you're overthinking social interactions, but you're also overthinking like your your health you're overthinking everything like there's a chance that you're just an anxious person by nature and you just have this sort of this sense of anxiety about everything now I understand that because I'm a very anxious person.
So I get it. And sometimes, for whatever reason, I'm just having an anxiety flare up.
And... I'm not even necessarily that socially anxious of a person, but I can sometimes find myself overthinking every single social interaction. just because I'm in an anxious state of mind.
And so there's a chance that that's what you're experiencing.
And if that's the case, I encourage you to ask yourself, what's the worst case scenario?
What's the worst thing that could happen after a social interaction?
If I were to think about... The worst case scenario for me in a social interaction, I guess, perhaps I said something on accident that could have offended somebody.
Perhaps I was awkward or said something embarrassing.
Perhaps... I was too quiet. Perhaps I talked too much.
Are any of these things really that bad?
Are any of these things really the end of the world?
No. No, like, no. I mean, listen, it's not ideal to hurt somebody's feelings and it's not ideal. to talk too much about oneself and not let anybody else get a word in edgewise.
That's not ideal. But is everybody safe?
Is everybody healthy? Like, put it in perspective.
You're spiraling about something that is not that big of a deal.
Worst case scenario, I think the absolute worst case scenario is that you said something that offended somebody else.
Now, people are, in real life anyway, very receptive to an apology, very receptive to... somebody being like, wait a minute, I think I said something that actually came off wrong.
People are so much more forgiving of that than we give other people credit for.
On the internet, on the other hand, it's a little different, right?
Like it's pretty, there's not a lot of room to make a mistake, right?
But we're not talking about the internet.
We're talking about real life. In real life, people are forgiving.
People understand that we say things that we don't mean.
People understand that we say things that come off wrong sometimes.
I've said so many things that have come off wrong or insensitive.
And I immediately have apologized or, you know, if confronted on it, acknowledge it and apologize.
Like, And that's how we learn. It's so normal.
And that's the worst case scenario. That's not a big deal.
Put it into perspective. When I'm in a really anxious frame of mind, it's so important for me to sit back and be like, all right, how serious is this really?
What is the worst case scenario? In the worst case scenario, a lot of times in these small little anxieties, it's not that bad.
There's far more to be anxious about that's actually like fair.
But this is not one of those things. And a lot of the things that us anxious people worry about are in this category of like, the worst case scenario is not even bad, you know?
It's okay, I think, and it makes sense to be anxious about genuinely terrifying realities of being a human being.
That is... I mean, listen, there are ways to manage that as well but that's a more rational sort of anxiety.
This is a completely irrational kind of anxiety.
It's like, it's really not that serious.
Anyway, now I need to knock on wood because I talked about things.
I talked about really severe anxieties. And oh.
I have to knock three times. Oh my God. I get so superstitious about stuff.
And I should probably talk to a therapist about it, but I haven't.
And, but maybe I will one day, but not yet.
Too busy right now. No, I'm kidding. No, I probably should though.
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Somebody said, I'm constantly thinking about how others perceive me.
How do I stop doing that? I don't want to care about it.
This is a very similar sort of challenge to overthinking social interactions, but it's a little bit different because It's not just about like talking to other people, but it's also just about walking around in the world and and wondering how people are perceiving you.
It's a little bit different, because it's not necessarily about social skills.
It's just about how you present yourself.
Now, I think my advice for this is kind of similar to the last question, to the last dilemma. confidence and self-esteem is going to alleviate this feeling in a very significant way.
However, I do think that there are other things that you can do to help you with this.
And I mean, I actually think that these things could help too with overthinking every social interaction, but less There are specific things that I think can help in maybe not as significant ways as going to the root of the problem and like... addressing your sense of confidence and self-esteem, but little things that just help, at least in my experience.
Number one. putting effort into your style, into the way that you express yourself.
If you're having a really hard time grasping the fact that other people are perceiving you, Put something out there that you're proud of, that you think is cool.
If you're concerned about... how people are perceiving you, express yourself on the outside in the way that you want to be perceived because you have complete control over that.
And listen, Obviously, we are much more than our physical appearance.
And I would... I'm not trying to... shrink us down to like, oh, we are how we express ourselves.
We're not. We're far more than that. But the way we express ourselves is not for nothing, okay?
It's a very powerful tool that... we can tap into in a way that can really not only help display who we are to other people. but also can be exciting and fun for us.
Like it's fun to get into an outfit that feels super you. and to do your makeup in a way that feels super you, and to get a haircut that feels super you.
It's really exciting and fun to figure out ways to match your exterior to your interior.
That's something that I'm deeply passionate about on a personal level.
I love the art of self-expression. I love... matching my brain to my body.
And I'm not saying like my physical body is I'm saying the more surface level stuff, the clothes, the makeup, the haircut, the accessories.
I love showing the world who I am through that.
If you're struggling with how people perceive you, maybe this is something that you could explore.
And it's not... See, I think a lot of times people can think about the way that we... use our appearance to send a message to the outside world and can think it's sort of surface level.
Perhaps it's Like, well, it's better to just like be simple.
And like, you know, if people want to get to know you, they should come up to you and talk to you.
And I get that, I guess. I get the argument that fashion and... you know, self-expression is maybe... Like, I get the argument that it's like surface level.
It's a surface level. But I actually... I get the argument, but I completely disagree with it.
Like a thousand percent, because I I don't use fashion.
Like, fashion for me is not an act of vanity as much as it's an act of self-care.
And it's an act of... simply just self-expression for the enjoyment of me and for the communication to others.
But it's not like... It isn't this service level thing.
It's much more beautiful than that. And I think there are some people out there who don't necessarily care about that.
And so they can't really comprehend how this can be such a powerful tool.
But I'm somebody who like it really helps me.
And, and I love it and it's a hobby of mine.
So I'm the opposite extreme. Like I'm hyper aware of how wonderful and how powerful this can be.
And if you're somebody who doesn't really know where you fall, maybe this is something that you could pay a little bit more attention to.
Maybe this is something that you could start participating in. using your self-expression to help figure out who you are and to paint that picture for other people.
If you know who you are and you figure out how to express that through your clothing and your aesthetic and this and that, then you're not going to be worried about how people are perceiving you because... you're in control of it and you're spreading that message.
You know what I'm saying? You're telling your story without you even having to talk.
And that's cool. And that's inspiring. And that's a confidence booster.
Listen, is wearing cool clothes and having a cool haircut going to like... fix everything.
No, you still have to go to the root of the problem.
And the root of the problem is confidence and self-esteem, but this can be another tool that can help.
Might only help 10%, maybe 20, but it definitely can help.
All right, that's all I got for today. Well, that was fun.
If you had fun, new episodes of Advice Session every other Sunday and new episodes of Anything Goes every Thursday and Sunday.
So you can tune in and hang out kind of like whenever, because that's a lot of opportunity for hanging out.
You know what I mean? You can stream anywhere you get podcasts.
Although if you want to watch video and watch me talk and see my face, that is on YouTube and Spotify.
You can check out Anything Goes on social media at Anything Goes.
You can check me out on the internet at Emma Chamberlain.
And you can check out my coffee company, Chamberlain Coffee, in the world and online. under the name Chamberlain Coffee.
I love you all. I appreciate you all. It is always so wonderful to hang out and it's particularly wonderful to give advice. that is unprofessional, but does come from the heart.
I love you all and appreciate you all. And I hope that To all of you who have been overthinking a lot lately I manifest that that alleviates for you soon.
It's a really weird way of saying I just hope that you stop overthinking.
But I do hope that for you. And I actually also hope that for me.
So let's all manifest this collectively and hope for the best.
All right. I love you all. I appreciate you all.
Thank you for listening and hanging out as always.
I appreciate your support so deeply and I will talk to you in a few days.
I'll see you there.
