So today we have a very important topic to discuss.
The fear of speaking English or any other foreign language for that matter.
I want to share with you my story and the things that I have learned and realized.
So you can skip my intro to this topic because I want to share a little bit about my experience and to talk in general about fear a little.
First of all, if you're afraid of speaking in English and you'll literally become anxious And sometimes you even have some sort of a panic attack when your mind goes blank and you're all shaky and your mouth gets dry when you have to speak to someone in English. or your native language for that matter, which is actually called social anxiety, well,
Welcome to the club. I'll tell you a little secret.
There are very few of those lucky fearless, outgoing people that really can talk to anybody anytime.
That's mainly because they don't care. They don't care about being judged.
They're not thinking about what other people might think about them which means that they are pretty confident to be in their own skin and to be themselves They are okay with their mistakes and this is due to many reasons just as we have our fears due to many reasons that we're going to talk about in this video.
All the rest of us, not that lucky ones, have to power through our fears.
I'm no different than anyone else. I also have fears and insecurities.
And truth be told, by my nature, I'm more of a listener than a talker.
And when I have an important upcoming conversation, I get nervous and and I went through all the things that you guys write about in the comments, like when you forget all the words, or the things you wanted to say, or sometimes it seems that you forget how to speak at all.
Sometimes I got so nervous that I literally felt sick.
And consequently, when you get that nervous, your mouth gets dry or palms get wet, you get shaky and sweaty.
That's your body's natural response to stress.
And I'll tell you more. That happened with me not only when I had to speak English, but when I had to speak with someone in my native language as well.
And sure thing that if I could, I would avoid this human interaction.
So not to experience this stress. But as we know, so many things depend on our ability to communicate with people.
So when I started missing out in opportunities, I decided that enough is enough and that I have to do something about it.
And I started digging. reading books, articles, listening to psychologists and behavioral specialists. and also some successful people that shared their experiences on how they overcame their fears.
And with a little bit of work and effort the problem was solved.
Sorta. Do I still get nervous? You betcha. but it doesn't last long and it doesn't cause me trouble or stress anymore.
You know, when I was thinking about this, I realized that we always learn and that there's always room for improvement and growth live and learn live and learn So when we're talking about the fear of speaking English, it's not the fear of actually opening your mouth and saying words.
It's the fear of, of being judged, of making mistakes, and of not being perfect we're talking about, right?
All these fears come from different places like our upbringing, our personality type, the situations that we were faced with and our experiences that have shaped our characters.
I'll explain, but first, fear isn't all bad and it isn't our enemy.
It's a survival tool that prevents us from getting into some dangerous situations.
And you have to realize that this is just your body's and brain's response to some various situations.
So. If you consider something dangerous consciously or subconsciously, your reaction will be fear and urge to run away and hide in some safe place. and forget about it.
Like when you see a wild animal and you just know that it might hurt you. or when you see a fast coming car coming dangerously towards you and you just know that you better get off its way.
How do we know this? Because first it's in our genes and I'm not going to dive into this.
And second, because we were taught this.
Our parents and teachers told us this, and warned us about all the dangers.
It's a brief and rough explanation. What I'm trying to say is don't be afraid to be afraid. but we're also learning by observing and through our experiences.
So to illustrate, You might have seen such situation in school, for instance, when a teacher shamed students for making mistakes.
I sure have. That was a usual and a regular practice in my school to publicly humiliate students for making mistakes or for whatever sometimes.
Sometimes teachers would ask if someone didn't understand the topic.
And if someone said that they didn't, they were asked, if they were stupid.
So sure thing, lots of people from my generation grew up to be self-conscious, awkward and afraid to speak up, afraid of making mistakes and always doubting themselves.
I even noticed the same thing in the older generation.
They're afraid to speak up, even ask questions or have some serious conversations because they always worry about what someone else might think of them.
They second-guess themselves and think that not knowing something or making a mistake is very humiliating and that's what they taught their children.
There you have it. The fear. I'm speaking from my own experiences and for myself. but maybe someone else can relate.
Now add to this a person's personality type since everyone's different.
There are those strong personalities that like challenges and they like to improve and and deal with their fears and insecurities.
Some might not really like doing that, but they still do.
They conquer their fears and they consider those hard things as chances to improve and become better.
And they don't run away from difficulties.
They go towards them. There are naturally pretty confident people, they know their value and strong sides, and there are shy and awkward people. there are those who are more of a loner that like to read and need to spend some time alone and they don't really like talking to people whatsoever.
Maybe you're familiar with such terms as an extrovert and introvert.
And again, a lot of this has to do with upbringing.
Also, some people might have experienced some unpleasant situations that of course affected them. like they might have come across some narcissistic, judgmental, suppressing, and maybe even manipulative people.
Yes, unfortunately there are those and they might might've convinced them that they can't achieve their goals and that their voice doesn't matter, especially in English. they might have ridiculed them and say some mean stuff to them and now they might think that everybody's like that things like that but remember this these predators usually do this because they see your potential.
They know that you're amazing. and due to many reasons like simple jealousy or their own insecurities that they project on others.
They want to hurt you so that you feel the same way as they do. or they don't want you to succeed.
And sometimes this manipulation may not be that obvious, it can be something like trying to talk you out of things. and convincing you like in a friendly way that something's impossible. and that you're wasting your time and money on learning English or working on your pronunciation, for instance,
To be fair, some people might not even realize that they're toxic, so you just have to learn to recognize this.
Now, imagine a mixture of all these things combined.
Understandably, a person could experience anxiety, self doubt and might even believe that if they were to open their mouth, the whole world would mug them.
I gave you these examples to let you know that there's nothing wrong with you you're not alone you're not a loser and you're definitely not stupid And you can change this.
I had to work on myself to free myself from all this crap and start living my best life and to take my life into my own hands.
So I finished my rambling, now let's cut to the chase.
The first thing that worked for me and helped me to deal with my fear right away was turning my fear into excitement. your body's response to stress and excitement is the same.
I heard this theory from Vanessa Van Edwards, a behavioral specialist.
I'm talking about those things that we experience on a physical level. when we're afraid or stressed out or experiencing an anxiety, like having a racing pulse, rapid breathing, sweaty and cold hands, foggy thoughts, dry mouth, and trembling in our body.
So when you get excited, like when you hear some great news or, before meeting a family member or a friend after not having seen them for a long time. we get excited and we might feel all the same things on a physical level.
Like our heart starts racing, our palms get sweaty.
And we might even feel lightheaded and et cetera.
Her suggestion was to trick your mind into thinking that you're excited it's all about mindset mindset is everything It actually works.
So I remember that I had to have a conversation in English and I was so nervous.
And not because of something particular, like making a mistake, but because of everything.
I was thinking about all sorts of stupid things, you know?
So that conversation was happening no matter what it was. settled and I figured that I would try this.
I didn't have anything to lose. So all the way to the location where we were supposed to meet I kept thinking the same positive thoughts instead of those negative ones.
I would actually think Oh gosh, I'm so excited to meet this person.
I'm so excited to talk to them. It's going to be great.
And I smiled. So simple. And I mean, I was so surprised.
I didn't come down by the time I came in the meeting.
I was actually excited. and I smiled and the conversation went great.
Afterwards, I felt elated and satisfied with myself rather than exhausted and frustrated as I had felt before trying this.
So for me it's a very powerful tool. It's my first go-to thing that I do.
I just started singing a different tune and over time through practicing this, you kind of automatically start to feel excitement.
Number two, stop overthinking and procrastinating and just go for it.
Speaking is a skill. Speaking in general, like being able to express your thoughts clearly clearly in English or in your native language, public speaking, or giving presentations at work.
You have to learn to do this, develop it and practice.
Nobody's born with this. For some people it may be easier than for others, but everyone can learn this skill.
Again, the more you do it, the better you get at it.
So the point is that you should go for it. you literally search for those opportunities to speak and not shy away from them.
I know it's easier said than done, but there's just no other way.
You won't magically wake up one day and be a wonderful fearless speaker and it won't happen overnight.
If that was the case, there wouldn't be any courses where they teach public speaking.
And you know, nobody would have a problem with this just out of curiosity, watch videos on successful people and how they have become successful.
It's always through hard work and dedication and just apply this to yourself.
Look at your need to learn to speak to other people confidently as a stepping stone to becoming successful in Europe. personal life and work life, because at the end of the day, it is, and you know, this realization that you can learn this,
Makes you believe that every time you speak and you try and you power through your fear you improve and become better and it helps you to let it go and concentrate on the process and be able to see her progress.
I understood that all that was happening with me when I was getting ready for something, That was my mind messing up with me and knowing all these things that I just talked about.
It puts me in control over my feelings and situations that come my way.
And it's a great feeling. These things that we feel in our bodies when we're getting excited or nervous or sleepy, like feeling sick in our tummies, et cetera. they will not go away ever because that's your body's natural response.
You're not a robot, you have feelings, but you can learn to manage them and turn them to your favor.
Face your fear. You have what it takes. Believe in yourself and trust yourself. you're intelligent and you're an interesting person.
You got this, even if you don't speak English well, but remain confident in yourself the way you are. radiating good, positive, relaxed energy vibes.
People are going to feel this and they'll love it and they'll like you.
We attract what we radiate. Of course, we're going to be different people. experiences with those people are not always going to be pleasant.
Just accept this. Not everyone's going to like you and vibe with you and be on the same page with you.
And it's okay. It's life. hiding and avoiding speaking is only going to make matters worse and you're only going to lose precious time And it's the same with everything, every fear and insecurity you have.
Only by doing it and pulling through despite your fear can you overcome it.
And if you think that your poor English is a problem, that only when you're fluent, you'll have amazing conversations.
I'm sorry to break it to you, but I know so many people with intermediate English, but people love them nonetheless. just because they are chill and easygoing.
I know those with amazing English and very knowledgeable, but who are afraid to speak.
So it's not about your English, it's about your mindset.
Another piece of good advice is to learn to control your breathing.
When we get nervous, we tend to take those short breaths. and those short breaths cause our heart to beat even faster and we feel even more anxious.
It's a vicious cycle. So learning to control your breathing helps to lower your heart rate. which in return reduces stress.
It's helpful. Not only when you're giving birth, it's like a totally different discussion and there are people who know all about this and teach this.
So I highly recommend you look up some relaxation techniques and breathing exercises online.
Number five, listen to music. You can even dance a little bit if you have time and the opportunity and exercise a little.
This will help you release this tension.
Listen to music to psych yourself up. It seems so simple, like even ridiculous, right?
However, it'll help you to relax. listen to your favorite or some cheerful and rhythmic music, high energy music.
Music can rewire your brain and tune you in for particular emotions, be it excitement or fear.
Why do you think they use music and movies?
To get you in a certain mood. And I'm sure that you've noticed that when you're listening to your favorite song, your mood improves in no time.
So use this to your advantage or at least try it out.
Music always works for me. It even helps me to recover my energy when I'm tired, but I know that still have some work to do, I take a break and listen to some rhythmic music.
To conclude, guys, I know that some of you might not be satisfied with this, but All of this is in our heads.
It's all about mindset. There's unfortunately no pills for this.
This is something that takes a bunch of work on yourself and you're going to have to challenge yourself and power through and power through.
And it takes so much strength to keep going after adversities and misfortunes and not to give up.
That's why successful people very rarely criticize others. they know what it takes to become successful at something and what it's like.
I need to say, That's sticking your nose into someone else's business, judging, complaining, and bashing others is very easy.
Getting angry and playing the blame game is very easy. but it's so hard to take a look at yourself and admit that only we are responsible for our outcomes.
And it's even harder to work on yourself and try to change something.
Our job is to choose not to be angry complainers, but doers and seek for improvement. and change.
Okay guys, that's it for now. Thank you for choosing our podcast.
Until the next one!
