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Hi, Sam here.
Welcome to Radio Headspace.
So I recently began seeing a therapist and I was thinking about how strange it can feel to reveal so much of yourself to them.
I thought about my experiences in therapy and what's helped me to feel safe and trusting enough to open up about the most intimate details of my life.
And something my husband said really stood out to me.
He said, And I immediately love this idea.
Therapists collect human stories and then draw upon them to help each new person that they're working with.
But in order for us to share freely with a therapist, or anyone for that matter, there's a certain amount of trust that's needed.
So today, Let's talk about what it takes to be able to share in this way.
So take a moment to think about what helps you to feel safe enough to share the most intimate parts of your life with someone.
Being able to confide in others is important because we all need to feel supported and heard.
Author and speaker Brene Brown has a helpful acronym that we can use when cultivating our own capacity to be trustworthy in relationships and when we're confused about what we're needing from others, especially when we share.
The acronym she uses is BRAVING.
B-R-A-V-I-N-G.
And it stands for boundaries reliability accountability, Vault integrity, non-judgment and generosity.
And I know that's a lot, so let's unpack it.
Boundaries refer to being clear about what's on and off limits for you.
In an intimate conversation.
This could include staying aware of signs from your mind and body that tell you to keep something private.
Maybe it's a feeling of tightness in your chest.
Or a sense of relief might be present if you feel safe enough to share with that person.
Paying attention to how you feel, either physically or emotionally, can help you dictate your boundaries.
Reliability simply means doing our best to keep our commitments and looking at others' patterns to see if they are reliable.
If we say we'll do something, like a favor for a friend, then we do it.
And we expect the same from others.
Accountability means that we take responsibility for our actions and apologize when necessary.
And this can be scary because we risk not being forgiven.
But just think about how you view people who own up to their mistakes.
Many times it can be received much better than if they sweep it under the rug.
Next is being a vault, which means we don't share others' personal information without their permission.
It can help to pause and ask yourself would the person who confided in me want me to say this right now?
Would I mind if someone revealed this about me?
These are simple questions, but we can forget to consider them when we're eager to share a story.
Integrity means we act in accordance with our values, especially when it's hard.
And some good questions to keep you connected to your values are what impact will this decision have on the people around me?
And how will acting with integrity affect my trust in myself over time?
Non-judgment includes trying to stay aware of judgments that arise and return to an open mind, especially when someone's sharing their needs.
So, for example, when someone close to us is letting us know what they're needing, we may start to compare their needs to our own and think that seems ridiculous.
But when we're mindful of these judgments, we can take a breath and let it go, coming back to listening with curiosity and openness.
And finally, Generosity refers to how we interpret others' intentions and actions, being generous instead of assuming the worst.
If someone seems dismissive or distant, they may be going through something difficult that you don't know about.
And being generous with our assumptions means that we consider the unknown challenges that people may be facing and then take things less personally as we assume no harm was intended.
So let's just take a moment.
Let's take a nice, slow, deep breath in and out through our nose.
And just notice how all of this information and these qualities land for you right now.
Consider which ones I mentioned are strengths for you.
And think about if there are any that you'd like to work on.
And it's important to remember that none of us are perfect.
We can be really gentle with ourselves as we're growing.
Take time to appreciate your efforts.
I like to do this at the end of the day as I'm getting ready for bed.
Just offer a gentle thank you to yourself for all of your efforts to be brave, gentle, and generous.
So that's it for me for today.
Tomorrow we'll touch on how to work with identifying our thoughts and encouraging helpful thinking as much as we can.
Till then, I wish you a pleasant rest of your day.
