Hey, Joey.
Hey, Pheebs.
Listen, can you do me a favor?
I got the pin number to my ATM card.
Can you get it for me?
Sure, where is it?
I scratched it on the ATM machine down on the corner.
Ah, so you're 5639?
That's it.
Thanks, Pheebs.
Hey.
Oh, do you want to talk to Chandler?
Is that Joey?
Let me talk to him.
No, because he didn't believe in my movie, which is a big mistake because it is real.
Real.
You know what?
I've been trying to apologize to him all week.
If he's not going to, let me do it on the phone, I'm going to go down there.
I'm going to do it in person.
Uh, Pheebs, I heard that.
Can you put him on?
Yeah.
Hey, don't come out here.
No, no, no, no.
I support you 100%, and I want to prove that to you in person.
I got that.
I forgive you.
Don't come out here.
Forgive me?
You haven't been taking my calls for a week.
Well, I'm totally over it, Chandler.
Friends forever.
Don't come out here.
Would you mind doing a picture with us?
What was that?
Uh, entertainment tonight.
Yeah.
Okay, so, good talking to you, and don't come out here.
All right.
Hi, uh, Richard, it's Monica.
Um, listen, I did something kind of crazy tonight.
Um, maybe I'm getting my period or something, I don't know.
Anyway, I beeped into your machine and I heard this message that freaked me out.
You know what?
Michelle will tell you the rest.
I'm sorry, okay?
And I hope that we can just forget the whole thing.
Okay, bye.
The outgoing message has now been changed.
Outgoing?
Did that say outgoing?
Not outgoing!
Hi, Richard, it's Monica.
Listen, I did something kind of crazy tonight.
Maybe I'm getting my period or something.
I don't know.
No!
How did you do that?
I don't know!
Goodbye.
No!
If you want to pick up some extra cash.
Some friends of mine made good money in college doing telemarketing.
Yeah, it would probably be better than the last telephone job I had.
You know, I probably won't have to say spank as much.
Oh, yeah, like you never called.
So, basically, this is very easy.
You read from the script, and you try to sell as much toner as you possibly can.
Okay, I can do that.
Oh, by the way, I love my office.
Why don't we do a trial run?
Oh, okay.
Um, all right.
Hi, this is Phoebe from Empire Office Supplies.
Can I speak to your supply manager, please?
I'm the supply manager.
Um, okay.
I'd like to talk to you about your toner needs.
We don't need any toner.
Oh, okay.
Well, I'm sorry to bother you.
Bye-bye.
Yeah, you're right.
This is easy.
Okay.
What was wrong with that call?
Oh, well, all right.
Um, no offense, but you were kind of rude.
They're always gonna tell you they don't need toner, but that's okay.
Because whatever they say, you can find the answer to it here in the script.
Oh.
So, I think you're ready to sell toner.
Do you have any last questions?
No.
Oh, wait, yes, I do.
I do have one question.
What is toner?
No.
No, you hang up.
You.
You. talking to me rachel i'll just call her back okay i'm sorry we got disconnected okay okay okay okay how did this happen to me how did this happen to me a week ago two weeks ago i was fine ross was just ross just this guy now all of a sudden he's Oh, this really great guy that I can't have.
Sweetie, I wanted you to have him, too.
I know you did.
I'm just gonna deal with it.
Just gonna deal with it.
Hey, Mr. Kostelik, how's life on the 15th floor?
Yeah, I miss you, too.
Yeah, it's a lot less satisfying to steal pens from your own home, you know?
Well, that's very generous.
Ah, but look, this isn't about the money, you know?
It's just I need something that's more than a job.
I need something I really care about.
And that's on top of the year-end bonus structure you mentioned earlier?
Dream, dream.
Look, Al, Al, I'm not playing hardball here, okay?
This is not a negotiation.
This is a rejection.
No, no, no, stop saying numbers.
I'm telling you, you've got the wrong guy.
You've got the wrong guy.
I'll see you Monday.
Yeah.
As long as my mom's here.
Oh, my God, your mother.
What, my mom's not gonna be here?
Well, given that we forgot to invite her, it would be an awfully big coincidence if she was.
Oh, my God.
Well, it wasn't my fault.
Phoebe was in charge of the invitations.
Well, I don't have a mother, so often I forget that other people... Oh, give it a rest.
So my mother is not coming to my baby shower?
No.
Neither is mine.
You know what?
Don't worry, okay?
We'll take care of it.
We'll call her.
You just go home and get ready.
Please, make sure she comes.
It's really important to me.
I mean, that's my mom.
I know, I know.
What's her number?
I don't know.
Go.
I have my book.
Go.
Wait a minute.
If you're in charge of the invitations, why am I the one who has to call her?
Hello, Mrs. Green.
Hi, it's Monica Geller.
Oh, hello, Monica.
Hi.
I know this is last minute, but we've decided to throw an impromptu baby shower for Rachel today.
I know.
My daughters told me about it when they received their impromptu invitations a month ago.
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
For what, dear?
For not inviting me or for lying about it.
Oh, my God, my ass is sweating.
Please, please.
Can you come?
It's today at 4.
Well, all right.
I'll see you at 4.
Thank you.
Isn't it at 3?
Son of a bitch!
I know it's our anniversary, but I told you on the phone.
I don't have time to stop.
Okay, you don't have to stop.
I'm invisible.
I'm not here.
Who approved that order?
Well, there is no Mark Robinson in this office.
Get me Mark on the phone.
Oh, I love Mark.
Do you know Mark?
Yeah.
Well, let me just check that with what I've got here.
All right, see, 038 is not the number for this floor.
038 is Atlanta.
Pepper?
None for me.
Okay, sorry.
I'm sorry.
As I was saying, the store number is wrong.
And I'm sorry, but that is... Oh, my God!
Oh, my... Okay.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, excuse me.
I'm sorry.
I'm gonna have to call you back.
I've got Shemp in my office.
What are you doing?
I'm sorry.
But, um, hey, whoa, somebody's off the phone.
How about a glass of wine by the fire?
I get it going again.
What's up, yo?
Okay, what have we always wanted to do together?
Braid each other's hair and ride horseback on the beach?
No, no, no.
When you get home tomorrow night, you and I are gonna be at the Wizards-Knicks game courtside.
Courtside?
Oh, my God!
Yeah, maybe Michael Jordan will dive for the ball and break my jaw with his knee.
That is so cool.
I'll let Monica know.
Hello?
Joey just called.
He's got courtside Knicks tickets for him and me tomorrow night.
Really?
But tomorrow night's the only night I get off from the restaurant.
If you go to the game, then we won't have a night together for another week.
But it's courtside.
The cheerleaders are going to be right in... That's not the way to convince you.
I don't want to be one of those wives that says, you can't go to the game.
You have to spend time with me.
So if you could just realize it on your own.
I know.
You're right.
I want to see you too.
I just got to figure out a way to tell Joey.
You know, he's really looking forward to this.
Tell him that you haven't seen your wife in a long time.
Tell him that having a long distance relationship is really difficult.
Tell him that what little time we have together is precious.
I'll think of something.
I'm quitting.
I just helped an 81-year-old woman put on a thong and she didn't even buy it.
I'm telling you, I'm quitting.
That's it.
I'm talking to my boss right now.
Yes, I am.
Yes, I am.
Yes, I am.
Yes, I am.
Yes, I am.
Yes, I am.
Okay, bye.
Call me when you get this message.
Oh, Mr. Waltham, I really need to talk to you.
In a moment, please.
I'm in the middle of a task.
And you have a customer.
Hi, I'm Joshua.
Hi, I'm Rachel Green.
What can I do for you, Joshua?
Well, I need a whole new wardrobe.
My wife, well, my ex-wife.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
I'm going to call him up, and I'm going to ask him out.
I can do that.
Ask him out.
How you doing?
Hi, Joshua.
It's Rachel Green from Bloomingdale's.
Yeah, um, I was just wondering if you, um... if you, um... left your wallet at the store today?
What are you doing?
I reorganized the fridge.
See?
Bottom shelf meats and dairy, mini shelf fruits and vegetables and top shelf expired products.
Why are you doing this?
Because i am bored out of my mind.
I've already been to the bank, the post office and the dry cleaners.
Dude, you just described seven days worth of stuff.
You gotta spread it out a little, you know.
Haven't you ever been unemployed?
Hey, i am not unemployed.
I'm on sabbatical.
Hey, don't get religious on me, okay.
A guy in your position needs to be a little better at relaxing, you know.
Why do you think we have the comfortable chairs, huh?
Come here, sit down.
Ready?
Watch.
So what, we just sit?
Oh, no, no.
We're not gonna just sit.
Hello, Mr. Bing.
I love you.
All right, whoever this is, stop calling me.
It's been six months.
It's not funny.
But I love you.
Leave me alone.
For the love of God, leave me alone.
And that's Wednesday.
Hey, Monica.
It's Chip. at the bank today, so, uh, here's my number.
555-9323.
Give me a call.
Later.
Chip.
It's Chip Matthews.
The guy who took Rachel to the prom?
Why is he calling you?
Because I ran into him at the bank.
He is still so cute.
Monica, you're so lucky.
He's, like, the most popular guy in school.
I know.
Chip, hi.
It's Monica.
Okay.
Okay, goodbye.
Oh, my God.
We just had the best conversation.
I was just leaving.
Good.
Because I've got a product report to read.
It's like eight pages.
I hope I don't fall asleep.
Why?
Did you write it?
Whoa!
Look at that!
Chip Matthews called.
Wonder what he wants.
Well, uh, actually... I bet he sensed that I was ready to have sex with another guy.
Well, um, why don't you give him a call?
Okay.
Are you sure you want to hear this?
Oh, I'm sure.
Chip?
Hi, it's Rachel.
Rachel Green.
Yeah, um, you left me a message?
Yes, you did.
My roommate wrote it down.
Monica Geller?
That's right.
He called to ask out Monica.
That's gotta be embarrassing.
She looked really good.
What was it for?
Oh, it's this big budget period movie about these three Italian brothers who come to America around the turn of the century.
It's really classy.
Oh, and the director is supposed to be the next next Martin Scorsese.
The next next?
Yeah, this guy from Chicago is supposed to be the next Martin Scorsese.
But then this guy's right after him.
Hello?
Joey, it's Estelle.
I just talked to the casting people.
They loved you.
They loved me?
Yeah, and they want to see you again tomorrow.
Oh, my God.
It's just one thing.
Do you have a problem with full frontal nudity?
Are you kidding me?
I never rent a movie without it.
Oh.
Uh, okay, let me call you back.
What's the matter?
They want me to be totally naked in the movie.
Wow.
I know.
My grandmother's going to see this.
Grandma's going to have to get in line.
Listen to me.
It's like all of my life, everyone has always told me, you're a shoe.
You're a shoe.
You're a shoe.
You're a shoe.
And then today I just stopped and I said, what if I don't want to be a shoe?
What if I want to be a purse, you know, or a hat?
No, I don't want you to buy me a hat.
I'm saying that I am a hat.
It's a metaphor, Daddy.
You can see where he'd have trouble.
Look, Daddy, it's my life.
Well, maybe I'll just stay here with Monica.
Well, I guess we've established she's staying here with Monica.
Well, maybe that's my decision.
Well, maybe I don't need your money.
Wait, wait, I said maybe.
You can wear this.
Thanks.
OK.
I'm setting the phone down.
But I'm still here.
Just don't go anywhere.
I'm still here.
Don't switch or anything, because I'm right here.
Just one sec.
One sec.
One second!
Wait!
One second, just... Phoebe?
What, Monica?
I'm scared!
Honey, that's a sleeve, okay?
Yeah.
And we also have a speakerphone.
Please stay on the line.
Your call is important to us.
You gotta hang up, because we're gonna be late.
Thank you for your patience.
You're the next caller.
Yes!
Yes!
I'm the next caller!
You're gonna have me hang up.
Hey, can you take a duck and a chick to the theater?
Of course not.
Okay, I just wanted them to hear it from somebody else.
Why does everything happen to me?
Look Rich, I promise first thing tomorrow we'll find another doctor, but I gotta go to Burleigh and I'm not feeling all that well.
What?
Why are you not feeling well?
What do you have?
Is it rubella?
Because don't go near Emma.
She has not had that shot.
You know, come to think of it, it does feel rubella-like.
Weiner!
Weiner!
Weiner!
Weiner!
Rachel!
Wait!
Hi, yes, this is Monica Geller.
I believe I'm taking some classes with you, and I was wondering what they were.
What are you doing?
All right, great.
Great, thanks a lot.
I'm going to tap class.
What, so that you can dance with the woman that stole your credit card?
This woman's got my life.
I should get to see who she is.
Go to the post office.
I'm sure her picture's up.
Okay, Monica, you know what, honey?
You're kind of losing it here.
I mean, this is really becoming like a weird obsession thing.
This is madness.
It's madness, I tell you, for the love of God!
Monica, don't do it!
Thank you.
What have you been up to?
Oh, you know, the usual.
Teaching aerobics.
Partying way too much.
Oh, and in case you were wondering, those are my legs on the new James Bond poster.
Can you hold on a moment?
I have another call.
I love her.
I know.
I'm back.
So, are we gonna get together or what?
Uh, absolutely.
Uh, how about tomorrow afternoon?
Do you know, uh, Central Perk in the village?
Say, five-ish?
Great.
I'll see you then.
Okay.
Okay.
Having a phone has finally paid off.
Okay, even though you do do a good Bob impression, I'm thinking when she sees you tomorrow she's probably gonna realize hey, you're not Bob.
I am hoping that when Bob doesn't show up, she will seek comfort in the open arms of the wry stranger at the next table.
Oh, my God.
You are pure evil.
Okay, pure evil...
Horny and alone.
I've done this.
Still doing the screening thing?
I had sex today.
I never have to answer that phone again.
Hey, Bob, it's Jade.
Listen, I just wanted to tell you that I was really hurt when you didn't show up the other day.
And just so you know, I ended up meeting a guy.
Bob here.
Oh, hi.
So you met someone, huh?
Yes.
Yes, I did.
In fact, I had sex with him two hours ago.
So how was he?
Oh, Bob, he was nothing compared to you.
I had to bite my lip to keep from screaming your name.
Well, that makes me feel so good.
It was just so awkward and bumpy.
Well, maybe he has some kind of new cool style that you're not familiar with.
And maybe you have to get used to it.
Well, there really wasn't much time to get used to it, if you know what I mean.
Now I'm just sitting here and thinking of all the stuff I should have said and I didn't.
I mean, I didn't even get to tell you that I love you, too.
Because of course I do.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
What am I doing?
I love you.
I've got to see you.
I've got to get off this plane.
Oh, my God.
Excuse me.
Miss, please sit down.
No, I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry, but I need to get off the plane, okay?
I need to just tell someone that I love them.
Miss, I can't let you off the plane.
Let her off the plane!
I am afraid you are gonna have to take your seat.
Oh, please, Miss, you don't understand!
Try to understand!
Oh, come on, Miss, isn't there any way that you can just let me off the... No!
No!
Oh, my God.
Did she get off the plane?
Did she get off the plane?
I got off the plane.
Tulsa, I am taking you for a great dinner at Slim Pickens.
So cheesy?
Whole hog?
It's gonna be tough to keep kosher in Tulsa.
Hi, Nancy.
Hi, it's Monica Geller.
I'm good.
Listen, I'm looking for a job in Tulsa.
Well, my husband's been relocated.
Because I love him.
No, no, I don't want a job in New York.
Javu's looking?
Oh, my God!
He asked for me personally?
Oh, my God!
Oh, wow, this is really, really flattering.
But, um, I'm moving to Tulsa.
Yeah, so just if you would tell Javu... I'll take it!
I love you, but it's getting real late now.
Hey, Ma.
Listen, I made the appointment with Dr. Bezita and... Excuse me?
Did you know this isn't Ma?
Well, Mark didn't call.
It's Sunday night and he didn't call.
Bummer.
Right.
Look at you.
You're practically giddy.
No, I'm genuinely sorry the Mark thing didn't work out.
Look, Rach, I want only good things for you.
Wait a minute.
Why don't you just call Mark?
I mean, who says you have to sit here and wait for him?
You've got to make stuff happen.
But you don't want to seem too pushy.
Honey, it's not pushy.
He gave her his home number.
As in, like, to his home?
Yeah, and you don't mind if I call because you only want good things for me.
That's right.
Good things.
That is what I said.
Hello, Mark?
Hi, it's Rachel Green.
Oh, no, don't you apologize.
Yeah, I'll hold.
He left my number at work.
He was gonna get it, but he was helping his niece with her report on the pioneers.
But it's so made up.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Tomorrow?
That's... No, it's perfect.
Oh, God, thank you so much.
Great.
Bye.
There you go.
He even offered to meet me for lunch and prep me for it.
Oh, that is amazing!
Yeah, well, if I know Mark, and I think I do, I'd expect nothing less.
I gotta figure out what I'm gonna wear.
High collar and baggy pants say I'm a pro.
Yeah, right.
Okay, I'll see you guys later.
You go get him.
What did I do to you?
Did I hurt you in some way?
Four letters, circle or hoop.
Ring, damn it, ring!
Thanks.
Hey, you know our phone's not working?
What?
I tried to call you from the coffee shop.
There was no answer.
I turned it off.
Mother of God, I turned it off!
Just like you told her you did.
Just pointing out the ironies.
Hello?
Hey, where the hell have you been?
Hey, I spent the night out.
I met this cute bridesmaid.
She is so... I don't want to hear about her.
Aw, Pheebs, you know you're still my number one girl.
No, no, we have an emergency, okay?
Rachel's coming to London.
Oh, great.
It's not great.
No, she's coming to tell Ross that she loves him.
But he loves Emily.
I know that.
You have to stop her.
She's going to ruin the wedding.
OK.
OK, so I've done my part, OK?
It's your responsibility now.
The burden is off me, right?
Right.
So tell me about this girl.
Hello.
Hello, is Ross there?
No, he's not.
Can I take a message?
Yes, this is Russell Ross's divorce lawyer.
Just tell him that since I haven't heard from him, I assume he's decided to give the marriage a try.
Ross got married again?
No!
Look, I was just trying to make a good first impression.
Obviously, I screwed up.
But what you guys think of me is really important because I'm hoping to get a permanent job here.
So if you just give me another chance to make a good impression...
Are you crazy?
I'm still your wife!
What, were you just never gonna tell me?
What the hell is wrong with you?
I could just kill you!
Well, all right, Joe.
Hello?
Hey, it's me.
I know you can't stand to be in the same room as me, so I just thought I'd try and apologize over the phone.
Look, I never should have kissed your girlfriend, and I'm... Stop calling!
Hey, hey, hey, this is 92.3 WXRK... $1,000 Daily Challenge.
All right.
What is the name of your roommate who is very, very sorry and would do anything?
Chandler B.
Hi honey, we're all here.
We just wanted to wish you a merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas!
Oh, Merry Christmas.
I miss you guys.
So is it horrible?
Is everybody working really hard?
Uh, well, no.
It's just, uh, me and Wendy.
Wendy?
That sounds like a girl's name.
It is.
Did I not tell you about her?
Mm-hmm.
About the time you told me about New Year's Eve.
Where is everybody else?
I sent them home.
Oh, you are such a good boss.
Is she pretty?
Uh, uh... Answer faster, answer faster.
I don't know.
Answer better, answer better.
I don't think of her that way, you know?
I mean, she's a colleague.
What does she do there?
Oh, she's regional vice president.
She's just below me.
She did what?
Below me.
Uh, wait, is Wendy the runner-up Miss Oklahoma?
What?
Well, she didn't win.
All right, well, maybe I should let you and the second prettiest girl in Oklahoma get back to work.
Well, second prettiest that year.
I mean, of all the girls in Oklahoma, she's probably... Oh, Chandler, stop talking.
Honey...
There's really nothing to worry about.
Okay.
I'm serious.
Okay.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas, you guys.
The wife says hi.
Ah, fun conversation.
Oh well, she's just got this weird idea that uh, you know, just because you and I are alone, that something's gonna happen.
Huh?
Really?
That be so terrible?
This is probably the wrong thing to be worrying about, but you're getting ham on my only tie.
Mom, would you relax?
That was ten blocks from here, and the woman was walking alone at night.
I would never do that.
Mom, come on, stop worrying.
This is a safe street.
This is a safe building.
There's nothing... I gotta go, I gotta go, I gotta go.
Okay.
That's fine.
You just read the paper.
I'm gonna get a pot.
It's not for you.
Okay, that's fine.
Read the family circus.
Enjoy the gentle comedy.
Hey okay good, you're here.
All right, i figured it out.
I'm gonna take two tables of eight.
I'm gonna add your parents and i'm gonna turn them into three tables of six.
Okay, and i call the caterer.
I added two extra meals.
We are good to go.
Yeah, they're not coming.
What?
Somehow they got the idea that you only invited them because of me.
They feel a little unwanted.
Oh, that's too bad.
It's true, but too bad.
Look, come on, if you could just call my mom.
Oh, Joey.
Come on, look, just let her know that you really want them to be there.
Let's not forget, this is a woman who has sent you many lasagnas over the years.
No, she hasn't.
Is it her fault if some of them didn't make it to you?
I don't know.
Just tell them it was a mix-up with the invitations.
No, no, no.
Blame it on the post office.
They hate the post office.
And the Irish.
But I don't think you can blame it on them, so... Hello?
Yeah, hi, Mrs. Triviani?
Hi, this is Monica Geller.
Yeah, I'm just calling to say that Chandler and I really hope that you can make it to the wedding.
Yeah, apparently a bunch of the invitations that we sent weren't delivered.
Um, I guess there was some screw-up at the damn post office.
Tell me about it.
Yeah, yeah, the U.S. post office?
No, more like U.S. lost office.
What are they, Irish?
Hello?
Oh, hi.
It's Mark.
Oh.
What?
Is it my breath?
Sorry, I just thought you were somebody else.
Hi.
Hi.
Look, I was just going to leave a message.
Isn't tonight your big anniversary dinner?
Well, well, um... Rach, are you okay?
Yeah, I'm fine.
You want to talk?
I mean, I can come over.
No, really, no, please.
That's okay.
All right, all right.
I'm coming over, and I'm bringing Chinese food.
Oh, yeah, I'm not hungry.
It's for me.
Oh.
So what are you gonna do?
What can I do?
One person wants to break up, you break up.
Hey, no way.
Come on.
This is you guys.
Call her and work it out.
Oh, come on.
We just had this huge fight, all right?
Don't I have to wait a while?
Hey, this isn't like swimming after you eat.
Pick up your phone!
That whole swimming thing is a myth.
Yeah, tell that to my Uncle Lenny.
Why?
What happened to him?
Nothing.
He just really believes in that.
Oh, and then we got into this big, stupid fight.
I just, it was awful.
I told him he treats me like a park ranger or something.
And then I told him I wanted to take a break.
I don't want to take a break.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Well, he's probably just out.
Oh, thank you.
That's very helpful.
I'm glad you came over.
Hello.
Hi, it's me.
Hi.
Oh, I'm so glad you called.
Really?
I've been thinking this is crazy.
I mean, don't you think we can work on this?
Hey, what do you want to drink?
Who's that?
Nobody.
Is it okay if I finish the apple juice?
Is that more?
Oh, honey, look, he just came over.
Yeah, got it.
Joey Tribbiani.
Joe!
I'm glad I found you.
I got an audition for you.
Wow.
The thing is, it's kind of on the QT.
The actor who has the part doesn't know he might be fired.
It's a lead in a series, Mac and Cheese.
I'm the lead in mac and cheese.
Uh-oh.
Morning.
Hey.
How's my favorite genius and his little robot buddy?
Don't touch him.
Okay.
All right, Wayne, look, level with me, okay?
I keep hearing all these rumors that I might get fired, okay?
They even have actors coming in to read for my part.
Come on, man, you gotta give me a second chance.
I mean, I love this little guy.
Okay.
No fair.
I don't even have one.
How come they get two?
You'll get one.
Oh, yeah?
When?
All right, I'll tell you what.
When we're 40, if neither of us are married, what do you say you and I get together and have one?
Why won't I be married when I'm 40?
Oh, no, no, no.
I just meant hypothetically.
Okay, hypothetically, why won't I be married when I'm 40?
No, no, no.
No, no, what is it?
Seriously, is there something fundamentally unmarriable about me?
Uh, uh... Well?
Dear God, this parachute is a knapsack.
What?
Everything's going fine, really.
Yeah, Ross is great.
He's, uh... He's in a whole other place.
No, he's gone.
No, no, you don't have to fly back, really.
What do you mean this might be your only chance?
Would you stop?
I'm only 26.
I'm not even thinking about babies yet.
Joey, it's Ross.
I need some help.
Uh, Chandler's not here.
Well, you can help me.
Okay.
Listen, I'm in Elizabeth's bathroom.
Nice.
No, I got really hot in my leather pants so I took them off, but they must have shrunk from the sweat or something, or my legs expanded from the heat.
But I can't get them back on, Joey, I can't.
Oh, that is quite a situation.
Uh, do you see any, like, powder?
Powder, yeah, yeah, I have powder.
Good, good, okay.
Sprinkle some of that on your legs.
It'll absorb some of the moisture, and then you can get your pants back on.
Yeah, hold on.
They're not coming on, man.
Um, you see any, uh... Oh, Vaseline.
Oh, I... I see lotion.
I have lotion.
Will that work?
Yeah, sure.
Throw some of that on there.
Ross, you okay?
There's still, there's still not coming on, man, and the lotion and the powder have made a paste.
Really?
Uh, what color is it?
What difference does that make?
Well, I'm just.
If the paste matches the pants, you can make yourself a pair of paste pants and she won't know the difference.
Joey, do you have a minute?
Dude, what am I... Rachel's here, so good luck, man.
Let me know how it works out.
Oh, Joey, I have such a problem.
Well, your timing couldn't be better.
I am putting out fires all over the place today.
If anything else opens up, please... Hello?
Sorry, Rach.
Where were we?
Oh, OK.
Five card draw.
Uh, jacks are better.
Nothing wild.
Everybody ante.
Look, Rach, we don't have to do this.
Yes, we do.
All right, check.
Check.
I'm in for $0.50.
Call.
I'm in.
I see your 50 cents, and I raise you $5.
I thought it was a 50-cent limit.
Well, I just lost a job, and I'd like to raise the bet $5.
Does anybody have a problem with that?
We used a condom.
I know.
I know, but, you know, condoms only work, like, 97% of the time.
What?
What?
What?
Well, they should put that on the box.
They do.
No, they don't.
Well, they should put it in huge block letters.
Okay, Russ, come on.
Let's just forget about the condoms.
Oh, well, I may as well have.
Listen, you know what?
I was really freaked out, too, when I found out.
Hey, no, I'm not freaked out.
I'm indignant as a consumer.
You know what?
Let's talk later.
No, no, I want to talk now, okay?
In fact, I want to talk to the president of the condom company.
Okay, you know what?
Maybe I should come back.
Shh!
Yeah, I'll press one!
I was gonna call him, but... Oh, you came to tell him you love him!
I knew it!
I was right!
I'm right, right?
I'd really rather talk to him.
Do you have any idea where he is?
Ross, are you there?
Ross, I don't know if you can hear this, but I'm going to talk anyway.
I'm in the States with your sister and your friends, and it's all over with Colin.
I came here to tell you that and to tell you Yes Joey, you can have all the chocolate you want, just take it.
I came here to tell you... that I love you.
I love you, too.
I'm going to call you right now from the phone booth.
You can't hear me.
Oh, you told your dad the truth about an hour ago.
Want to go see a movie?
Yes.
Bye, Dad.
Hey, I do, too, think about the consequences of my decisions.
Well, what gives you the right to... Go to hell!
Stupid guy on my phone.
