Hey.
What's with all this sand?
Uh, yeah, Bob said there might be flood damage.
Either that or he has a really big cat.
Hey, come on.
Daddy needs a new pair of electromagnetic microscopes for the prehistoric forensics department.
Okay, take Pinky Tuscadero up to inspiration point, collect three cool points, yeah!
Which gives me five, and let's see who is gonna lose their clothes.
Um, I think I pick our strip poker sponsor, Mr. Joey Tribbiani.
All right, relax, it's just a shoe.
Oh!
Okay, your band is playing at Arnold's.
Collect three cool points, which means I have five, and that means I get Joey's boxers.
Fine.
Gang up on me.
I got you all right where I want you.
Come on.
Take them off.
Actually, you know it's kind of cold, so how about I keep my boxers on and give you all a peek at the good stuff?
Is everybody else having just the best time?
Shh.
Shh.
Joey's asleep.
After he passed out, we put the sand around him to keep him warm.
Well, I assume the happy couple isn't up yet.
Did you guys hear them last night?
Oh, yeah.
I don't know what they were doing, but at one point, sea turtles actually came up to the house.
Good morning.
Hey.
Hey.
How'd everybody sleep?
Oh, great.
Like a log.
Us too.
I'm going for a walk.
Good morning.
Nice breasts, by the way.
Hey, what happened to you?
Oh, uh, nothing.
I just felt like hanging out here and reading.
The water was so great.
We jumped off this pier and my suit came off.
Uh...
Sorry, I missed that.
Yeah, Joey and Chandler sure are funny.
I think I brought back half the beach in my hair.
It was so much easier when I used to shave my head.
You know, I gotta tell you, I just loved your look when you were bald.
Really?
Because I think about shaving it all off again sometimes.
Really?
I mean, you definitely should do that.
You know what?
I should do it.
Yeah.
You know what?
Thank you, Rachel.
You are so cool.
Oh, stop.
Come on.
I'm going to shave that head.
All right.
Hey, everybody.
Wow.
Wow.
Look what you did.
You want to touch it?
No, but it's great.
Come on, touch it.
Okay.
You can feel all the bones in your skull.
Having a little chat with Bonnie and guess what she happened to bring up.
You know who was behind the whole head shaving idea.
And now, who was it?
Oh, that's right, that's right, it was you.
That was her idea.
I just gave her a nudge.
She said you gave her the razor.
So anyone up for a midnight dip in the ocean?
I'm good.
Okay, I'll see you in a bit.
Okay, have fun.
See, she doesn't look that bad.
You can see the moonlight bouncing off her head.
What the hell were you thinking?
I don't know.
You don't know?
Rach, you balded my girlfriend.
All right.
All right, there's a nuclear holocaust.
I'm the last man on Earth.
Would you go out with me?
I've got canned goods.
Hey, you guys, take a look at this.
Check this baby out.
Dug me a hole.
Excellent hole, Joe.
Ow!
What?
Ow!
What?
What is it?
Jellyfish sting!
No, it hurts!
It hurts!
It hurts!
Can we help you?
Want us to take you back to the house?
Oh, it's like two miles.
Yeah, and I'm a little tired from digging the hole.
Oh, damn the jellyfish!
Damn all the jellyfish!
I gotta do something.
Well, there's really only one thing you can do.
What?
What is it?
You're gonna have to pee on it.
What?
Rose!
Don't blame me.
I saw it on the Discovery Channel.
You know what?
He's right.
There's something like ammonia in that that kills the pain.
Well, forget it.
It doesn't hurt that bad.
If you want some privacy, you can use my home.
Pass the cheese, please.
God, you can't even look at me, can you?
No.
Hey, it's Bebe.
We can talk to Bebe.
No, I'm too depressed to talk.
I'll give you $1,000 to talk to us.
Hey, you guys, what do you think about making that beach trip an annual thing?
No.
All right, that's it, you guys.
What happened out there?
What?
We took a walk.
Nothing happened.
I came back with nothing all over me.
Come on.
What happened, Joey?
All right.
No.
Joey, we swore we'd never tell.
They'll never understand.
We have to say something.
We have to get it out.
It's eating me alive.
Monica got stung by a jellyfish.
All right.
All right.
I got stung.
Stung bad.
I couldn't stand.
I couldn't walk.
We were two miles from the house.
We were scared and alone.
We didn't think we could make it.
I was in too much pain.
And I was tired from digging the huge hole.
And then Joey remembered something.
I'd seen this thing on the Discovery Channel.
Wait a minute.
I saw that on the Discovery Channel.
Yeah, about jellyfish and how if you... Ew!
You peed on yourself?
You can't say that.
You don't know.
I thought I was going to pass out from the pain.
Anyway, I tried, but I couldn't bend that way.
So?
That's right, I stepped up.
She's my friend, and she needed help.
If I had to, I'd pee on any one of you.
Only, uh, I couldn't.
I got the stage fright.
I wanted to help, but there was just too much pressure.
So so I, uh I turned to Chandler, kept screaming at me do it now, do it, do it, do it now.
Sometimes late at night i can still hear this screaming.
That's because sometimes i just do it through my wall to freak.
You guys, hurry up.
The flight leaves in four hours.
It could take time to get a taxi.
There could be traffic.
The plane could leave early.
When we get to london there could be a line of customs.
Come on six hour trip to london.
That's a lot of Monica.
Passport, check.
Camera, check.
Traveler's checks, check.
Who are you saying check to?
Myself.
You know, for remembering to pack the thing.
You know, you do a good thing, you get a check.
My mom does it.
I never realized it was weird.
Hey, my mom used to put her head in the oven.
Actually, she only did it the one time.
But it's pretty weird.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
Are you ready yet?
Yep.
You got the tickets?
Oh, got them right here.
Check.
It's all London, baby.
Here we go.
You got your passport?
Yeah.
My third drawer in my dresser.
You don't want to lose that.
Oh!
There it is.
What do you think?
Well, I'm not going to have to buy that I'm with stupid t-shirt anymore.
Well, I like it.
There you go.
All right, look, you're not really going to buy that, are you?
Don't you think you've embarrassed me enough for one day?
Oh, I embarrass you?
How can I answer that when I'm pretending I don't know you?
He's just jealous you'll fit right in.
All Londoners wear them.
Oh, really?
Then how come no one here anywhere is wearing one?
They're all tourists.
All right look, if you insist on wearing that in public, you know you're gonna spend the rest of the afternoon all by yourself.
Huh?
You gonna make me choose between you and the hat?
I choose the hat.
Good choice, thanks.
Okay, look.
All right, that's it, okay?
I'm out of here.
I'm not gonna be embarrassed anymore.
I was talking and I was so upset about the hall being knocked down and she suggested that we just put the wedding off for a bit.
She said what?
She said if I'm not going to be happy getting married somewhere that we can find in a day, well then we should just postpone it.
Postpone it?
Emily, do you think Monica realizes how much our parents spent on this wedding?
Do you think my sister's teeny, tiny little brain comprehends that people took time out of their lives to fly thousands of miles to be here?
This isn't right.
I realize that people are going to be disappointed.
But I'm sure they'll come back when we can do it right.
Well, I can't ask people to do that.
Would you ask people to do that?
Don't you point your pants at me.
We have no choice.
Anywhere that's half decent will have been bought months ago.
Ross, don't you understand?
This is our wedding I'm talking about.
The only thing I understand is postponing it is not an option.
This is when we're getting married.
So what are you saying?
It's now or never?
No, I'm saying it's now.
Or?
There's no or in mine.
What is wrong with these pants?
It's not the pants.
It's you who's backwards.
And if you don't understand how important this is to me, well then, perhaps we shouldn't be getting married at all.
What?
Emily, no, wait, stop.
Emily, please.
Oh!
I was hammered, okay?
There's no way that you look like Ross's mother.
Then why would he say it?
Because he's crazy.
Okay?
He came up to me earlier and thanked me for my very moving performance in Titanic.
My mother's right.
Never gonna get married.
You know what that is?
Who wouldn't want you?
Please.
I'm a single mom with a 30-year-old son.
I'M GETTING MARRIED TODAY!
GOOD MORNING, ROSS.
I'M GETTING MARRIED TODAY!
YEAH, YORK!
DO YOU THINK YOU KNEW I WAS HERE?
WELL, I'VE NEVER DONE THAT WITH YOU BEFORE.
So, uh, how are you?
Are you okay?
Yeah, yeah.
You?
Oh, yes.
Yes.
Uh-huh.
You?
We did you.
Well... I better get going.
Oh, yeah, absolutely.
Could you not look?
I don't want to look.
Anyway, I love you guys, but not as much as I love America.
We please, Are you going home?
I was hoping to get to know you better.
I'm not going anywhere sweetheart, Hello.
Hey, where the hell have you been?
Hey, I spent the night out.
I met this cute bridesmaid.
She is so... I don't want to hear about her.
Aw, Pheebs, you know you're still my number one girl.
No, no, we have an emergency, okay?
Rachel's coming to London.
Oh, great.
No, it's not great.
No, she's coming to tell Ross that she loves him.
But he loves Emily.
I know that.
You have to stop her.
She's going to ruin the wedding.
OK.
OK, so I've done my part, OK?
It's your responsibility now.
The burden is off me, right?
Right.
So tell me about this girl.
Hello, Joey.
Hey, Felicity.
I thought about you all day.
Yeah? talk New York to me again.
Forget about it.
How you doing?
There's a girl on the phone for you.
Oh, great.
Hello?
Joey, it's Phoebe.
Did you stop Rachel?
No, but it's OK.
She just came in and gave him a hug.
That's it.
So nothing got ruined?
No.
Oh, that's so great.
Oh.
So what's going on now?
Uh, I'm walking down the aisle.
Still walking.
And now, I'm at the front with Ross.
It's Phoebe.
He looks pretty mad.
Uh, I better go.
No, wait, wait, wait.
Oh, please, hold it up so I can listen.
Ross.
Take thee, Emily.
Take thee, Rachel.
Emily.
Emily.
Emily.
You really think this is okay?
Well, Ross and Emily aren't going to use it.
Oh, it's so beautiful.
Oh.
You know, I don't know if I feel right about this.
Oh, my, my, my, my, my.
This is the honeymoon suite.
The room expects sex.
The room would be disappointed if it didn't get sex.
All the other honeymoon suites would think it was a loser.
Okay.
Emily?
Nope.
Not under here.
Hey, Joey.
Hey, Pheebs.
Listen, can you do me a favor?
I got the PIN number to my ATM card.
Can you get it for me?
Sure.
Where is it?
I scratched it on the ATM machine down on the corner.
Ah, so you're 5639?
That's it.
Thanks, Pheebs.
Hey.
Oh, do you want to talk to Chandler?
Is that Joey?
Let me talk to him. which is a big mistake because it is real.
Real.
Hey, you know what?
I've been trying to apologize to him all week.
If he's not going to, let me do it on the phone, I'm going to go down there.
I'm going to do it in person.
Uh, Pheebs, I heard that.
Can you put him on?
Yeah.
Hey, don't come out here.
No, no, no, no.
I support you 100%, and I want to prove that to you in person.
I got that.
I forgive you.
Don't come out here.
You haven't been taking my calls for a week.
Well, I'm totally over it, Chandler.
Friends forever.
Don't come out here.
Would you mind doing a picture with us?
What was that?
Uh, Entertainment Tonight.
Yeah.
Okay, so, good talking to you, and don't come out here.
All right.
First thing that can happen on an anniversary ever.
Oh, good.
All right, you decided to tell them about the Richardson.
What Richard thinks?
Oh, no.
What Richard thinks?
Simmons.
Go with Simmons.
Okay, I, um, I ran into Richard yesterday, and he asked me if I wanted to go for a bite, and I did.
And the only reason why I didn't tell you is because I knew you'd get mad and I didn't want to spoil our anniversary.
I'm not mad.
Really?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, so you bumped into Richard.
You grabbed a bite.
No big deal.
Great.
Okay, London won.
Embarrassed that easily.
Why do you totally get embarrassed?
Don't, Ross.
I think I'm just a more secure person than you are.
Is that so?
Yeah.
Hey, lady.
I don't care how much you want it, okay?
I am not going to have sex with you in the bathroom.
I'm on my way back to the bathroom.
All right, all right, just keep walking, all right?
Gosh, what are you... I'm sorry, sir.
I just think he just really likes you.
Hey, you know that teacher who had a baby with her student?
Hi.
May I help you?
Yes, I'm sorry, miss.
Do you have any extra pants?
My friend seems to have had a little accident.
I think the check-in is that way.
Oh, kids love me.
Hey!
Why don't you go to a costume party?
Let me guess, um, Pancho Villa.
And you're Bob Saget.
Pancho Villa?
Yeah.
What?
What are you talking about, B?
I don't... Oh, my God, you drew on me?
You wet my pants.
What kind of party was this?
I ain't been walking around like this since the plane.
You have so crossed a line.
Rach, wait.
The men's room is that way.
Hey, where's the other guy?
Which guy?
He's kind of tall, dark hair.
The hand looks exactly like this.
See?
I don't know about the hands, but the guy who was here before me just went to the restaurant.
How you doing?
Very busy.
Right.
Okay.
I won!
I won!
I finally won!
I won.
That was my quarter.
Right here.
Take a hike to it.
Excuse me, sir.
This lady played my quarter.
This is my money.
Is that true, miss?
Sells drugs to kids.
What?
She sells drugs to kids.
It was my quarter!
Was it her quarter?
How about we talk about this over dinner?
Okay, lady.
You're out of here.
No!
No, you can't arrest me!
No, I won't go back!
I won't go back to that hellhole!
I'm just taking you outside.
Oh, okay.
Are you gonna play?
No.
No, I don't really have any money.
Not yet, anyway.
Can't say that you're not gonna play.
Hello.
My name is Regina Phalange.
I'm a businesswoman in town on business.
Would you like to see my card?
Sure.
What did I do with my Filofax?
I must have left it in conference room B.
14.
Help me.
Oh, my God.
May I just say that you two gentlemen have the exact same hands?
They're identical.
Now, I've never seen anything like that in the business world.
Miss Phalange, may I ask you a question as an impartial person at this table?
Please stop it.
Wouldn't you pay good money to see these identical hands showcased in some type of a entertainment venue, huh?
If you leave now, I will chop off my hand and give it to you.
Didn't I just throw you out of here?
No, you threw out Phoebe.
I'm Regina Phalange.
Phalange.
Come on, lady.
Please, please take him, too.
Me?
Oh, come on, man.
Don't let him do this.
Come on.
I'm your hand twin.
What did you just say?
You roll another hard eight and we get married here tonight.
Are you serious?
Yes, I love you, anybody as much as i love you okay?
So if an eight comes up, we take it as a sign and we do it.
What do you say?
Okay okay, let's go, all right, we're all okay, that's a four.
And where where's the other one?
It went under the table, nobody moved.
Okay, you look that way, i'll look this way.
I mean, That could be a four or a five.
It's your call.
It's a four.
Hello, one marriage, please.
We want to get married.
Well, there's a service in progress.
Have a seat.
All right.
What are you doing?
Oh, it's the wedding march.
Does that freak you out?
No, only because it's the graduation song.
Okay.
This is it.
We're gonna get married.
Are you sure you want to do this?
Hello, Mrs. Ross.
Oh, hello, Mr. Rachel.
Wait, okay.
Um...
Why haven't we been together?
I don't know.
Do you have any clothes on?
Yes.
Really?
No.
But we didn't have...
Sex?
Did we?
I mean, I don't remember much about last night.
It was such a blur.
Oh!
I remember laughing.
I laughed a lot.
Then we didn't have sex.
Oh.
Oh, I mean, we were really drunk.
I was glad we didn't do anything stupid.
Tell me about it.
What?
Are we going to talk about what you guys did last night?
What do you mean last night?
Nothing happened last night.
Ross invited us all to watch.
Rach, we weren't going to miss our friends getting married.
Who got married?
You did.
What?
Hello?
We didn't get married?
We didn't get married?
That's ridiculous.
Wait, wait, wait.
I remember being in a chapel.
They would not let us get married when we were that drunk.
They let you get married when you're drunk.
Most people getting married in Vegas are drunk.
I'm drunk right now.
I can't have a mimosa with breakfast.
I'm on vacation.
What are you guys going to do?
Oh, I guess we just find a divorce lawyer.
Well, I think, I think Ross already has one.
Now, this one's free, right?
Because you paid for the first two, so you get the third one for free.
Laugh it up, but the joke's on you, because we don't need to get divorced.
Okay?
We're just gonna get an annulment.
An annulment?
Ross, I don't think surgery's the answer here.
Oh, oh, that's your thing.
What?
Your thing, your thing, you know, that you're the guy who gets divorced.
Right.
That's not my thing.
I do not love getting divorced.
Yes, you do.
This is your third divorce.
God, you love divorce so much, you're probably gonna marry it.
And then... And then it won't work out, so you're gonna have to divorce it, divorcing guy.
I'm so drunk.
Hey, I'm all packed and ready to go.
Well, that's right.
Daddy and Uncle Joey are going on a trip today.
We're going to a conference in Barbados, right?
Can you say Barbados?
Barbados.
I gotta say it means so much to me that you guys are coming all the way over there to hear me give my speech.
Oh, and I have a surprise.
I had to pull some strings, but I was able to get everyone passes to the entire conference.
That's right.
These babies will get you into all the paleontology lectures and seminars.
Do you have anything that will get us out of them?
Yeah, Ross.
I mean we're excited to hear the speech, but the rest of the time we're going to want to do, you know, island stuff.
Well, I think David will probably want to hear a few lectures.
Oh, right, because he's a scientist.
No no well, because you know he's been in Minsk for eight years and if he gets too much direct sunlight he'll die.
Okay, we better go.
Yeah?
Um, so we'll see you guys tomorrow.
All right, let's do it.
Five-hour flight with Charlie, have a couple drinks, get under that blanket and do what comes naturally.
It's a blanket, Joe, not a cloak of invisibility.
Oh, hey, thank God you guys are here.
Hey, what's going on?
Everything is upside down here.
It rains all day long, and nobody watches TV, and Ross is famous.
All right, I don't want to alarm anybody, but Monica's hair is twice as big as it was when we landed.
Okay, when I go places with high humidity, it gets a little extra body, okay?
That's why our honeymoon photos look like me and Diana Ross.
Come on, I'll show you guys where to check in.
Oh, honey, can you make sure we get a king-size bed?
Oh, David, get one for us, too.
Oh, and see if they have a heart-shaped one.
And with mirrors on the ceilings.
And make sure our room isn't next to theirs.
Oh, isn't this nice?
It's so quiet, I could just lie here all day.
Oh, no.
Open your drapes!
Open your drapes!
So glad we got adjoining rooms.
The sun is out!
Hey, remember when I had corneas?
Okay listen, you go down to the pool and reserve the chairs and I'll get the magazines and the lotion.
Uh, ladies, Ross' speech is in 45 minutes.
No!
Damn it!
Walls are pretty thin, guys.
Then we have to weigh the data from recent MRI scans and DNA testing, which call into question information gathered from years of simple carbon dating.
Look at that woman sitting out by the pool getting tan.
She's all leathery and wrinkled.
I'm so jealous!
Finally, factor in the profusion of new species recently discovered.
Giganotosaurus.
Argentinosaurus.
Not to mention Coldsaurus.
And that's just the herbivores.
I'm not even going to discuss the carnivores.
Their heads are already too big, which is ironic considering their stunted cerebral development at the beach.
That was really great.
Thank you so much.
And so funny.
Okay.
Thanks so much.
I can't tell you how much it means to me that you were here.
Are you kidding?
We wouldn't have missed it.
Yeah.
Oh.
I'm back.
Okay.
Excuse me?
Yeah.
Hey.
Well...
You were incredible.
You blew them away.
Oh, I can't tell you how great it was to look out into the crowd and see your face.
I mean, did you know you were mouthing the words along with me?
I was not.
No, it's okay.
It made me feel like a rock star.
Oh, my God.
I'm your groupie.
Hey, I better not find you naked in my hotel room.
Look, I took it too far.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I think, I think that may have missed the table.
Do you?
Uh, yeah.
Do you?
Uh, yeah.
Do you?
Uh, yeah.
You really find this attractive on him?
Oh, yeah.
Are you telling me you're not even a little turned on by Monica right now?
I think this is the first time in our marriage that I've felt like the more attractive one.
Come on, Mike.
You can beat her.
Knock that dog off her head.
Oh, damn it.
I sleep with him.
Game point.
Don't get too cocky.
Remember, I won the last one.
Oh, by the way, how did that feel, losing to a girl?
You know, you should really look in the mirror before you call yourself that.
And that's how it's done.
Hunky-dunky.
You've each won a game, and I've lost what's felt like a year of my life.
So everybody goes home a winner.
Best out of three?
That's what I'm thinking.
Should I use my invisibility to fight crime or for evil?
Serve the ball, chump.
Okay, better comebacks, Mike.
Better comebacks.
Yes, I do.
Now I may not understand why you have to win so badly, but if it's important to you, then it's important to me because I love you.
But you suck.
You're welcome, sweetheart.
All right, Mike, let's get this over with.
Sudden death.
Whoever wins this point wins.
Okay.
Oh, my God.
You're good.
It's like watching porn.
And that's how it's done.
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
That was so amazing!
Well, when did you... Hold on.
I almost forgot.
Loser!
When did you stop sucking?
I just didn't want you to know how good I was.
Why?
I don't know.
Well, this is so great!
Now we can enter into doubles tournaments!
That's why.
Oh, the way you crushed Mike at ping pong was such a turn on.
You wanna... You know, I'd love to, but I'm a little tired.
I'll put a pillowcase over my head.
You're on.
Hey!
What's up?
Well, okay, Mike's taking a shower, which, by the way, there's no law against.
And then we're going to grab some food, so if you want... Is that Ross?
Yeah, you can hear everything through these stupid walls.
Sounds like he's with someone.
He could be alone.
This morning I heard him do push-ups and then talk to his triceps.
Wait a minute, I think Phoebe's right.
Yeah, I hear someone else in there with him.
Dr. Geller.
God, you're amazing.
I didn't even have to ask you to call me that.
Oh, my God, that's Charlie.
She's cheating on Joey with Ross.
Oh, that tart, floozy, giant...
I'm not sure about this.
Yeah, you're right.
This is none of our business.
No, I'm not sure that is the best way to hear everything.
Someone get me a glass.
No, I'm not going to do this, okay?
I'm not going to eavesdrop on my friend.
Oh, I love Barbados.
I can't believe I'm kissing you.
I'm kissing Rachel.
I know.
I'm her.
Rachel and Joey!
It's Rachel and Joey!
What?
Get over here!
Whoa!
Oh, my God!
I love how thin these woes are!
