Happy birthday to me Happy birthday to me Happy birthday to me Happy birthday to me Ooh, it's my birthday.
Yeah, it is. I'm twenty -four.
Time flies. But you know what that means?
I'm almost twenty -five.
And you know what that means?
My prefrontal cortex is almost done developing.
My brain is almost fully adult.
If you don't know what a prefrontal cortex is, to be honest, I don't really know either.
I know it's a part of the brain.
And I don't exactly know what part it is and that's kinda mortifying to admit for me honestly because I use the word of the term prefrontal cortex so often.
It's like in my vocabulary and I don't really know what part of the brain it is.
So let's read the definition together.
The prefrontal cortex is the part of the brain that controls higher order cognitive functions, including decision -making, planning, and personality.
And apparently it's pretty much done developing by your mid -20s, approximately at age 25.
So, I'm almost a full -grown adult.
And that's exciting because, you know, from what I've heard from the adults in my life, having a fully developed prefrontal cortex is pretty awesome because life in a lot of ways is sort of easier.
Making decisions, planning things, coordinating things.
Those things are hard when you're younger.
The older you get, the more developed your prefrontal cortex is, the more wisdom you have, the easier it is to deal with some of life's problems and that's sort of a beautiful thing.
But But it is also sort of terrifying to be approaching the end of the era where I can use the excuse that my brain isn't fully developed whenever I make a mistake.
So you know, I'm mourning that loss.
But I'm also excited.
I'm not afraid of growing up.
And I think it's because of my parents' relationship to getting older, particularly my dad.
and he has reassured me throughout my life that getting older is an incredible thing.
You know, he's 60 years old, and he reminds me almost on a daily basis how much fun he's having.
He's like, I'm having more fun now than I've ever had before.
Seeing him living his best life every day, I'm like, I can do it too.
We can all do it too.
Anywho, in honor of my 24th birthday, I thought it'd be kind of fun to discuss all of the evidence of my prefrontal cortex nearing its final stages of development.
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within the last year or so, I've noticed a lot of maturation.
See? Even that word, maturation, big word. It's very clear that the prefrontal is just, it's hardening, you know.
I've noticed a bit of growing up.
And I think it's solid evidence that that frontal lobe is frontal lobing.
You know what I mean?
And so, I don't know, I'd thought I'd share with you all some of the results of my brain development, like some of the things that have changed about me.
Without further ado, here is a list of all of the proof that my prefrontal cortex has developed.
Let's begin. Number one, partying, going to the club, going to a bar, these things are no longer as enjoyable for me.
And to be honest, this is something I'm kind of sad about.
Like, I'm struggling with this one.
Like, I still try to go out sometimes and I really don't enjoy it, but I want to enjoy it.
Like, I feel like I'm still young enough that I should be enjoying it and I'm not, but I, like, want to enjoy it.
So I'm frustrated, but the reality is I don't enjoy it.
You know I'm over it, to be honest. And I think why I'm so sad about that is because I never really had like a party phase to be honest. You know, I didn't go to college.
A lot of kids right after high school go to college and they party more nights out of the week than they don't.
They're drunk all the time.
Or like it's a big party for like four years.
And then they eventually, you know, grow out of it.
I didn't go to college, I didn't have that experience.
I moved straight to LA at age 17, and shockingly I didn't party.
I just didn't. And then when I was around 20, I really started partying.
But not really in a club environment or a bar environment or even like a party environment, more so like at home with friends, you know, and that was fun.
But like I can count the amount of times I've been to a club on one hand.
Like, okay, maybe two hands.
But that's not a lot.
Just because I've never hung out with people who have liked going to clubs or whatever.
I never had that phase in the way that maybe I wanted to.
And then as soon as I got a little glimpse of it in my early 20s, in my now almost mid 20s, I'm over it.
But I also think, too, that when you're young and you're dating around and you're trying to find a partner, I don't know, Going out and partying is more intriguing and the last time I was single fully single I went out for sure I didn't even enjoy it, but I did it because I was like I need to ultimately This is how I will find my next boyfriend I have to be going out and have to be social But then once that sort of single phase ended in my life.
It was like, okay Well now I really know not only do I not like it, but now I don't even have a reason to do it So it's just kind of over but then a part of me still is like wait, it can't be over.
That can't be right So, I'll try to go out and then I just hate it and it sucks.
But I actually think it's ultimately fine.
Like I actually don't think I was ever destined to be a partier.
I don't think that that's who I am.
I get too bad of anxiety the day after I party and drink and whatever.
I don't think I'm built for it anyway.
But now it doesn't really matter because I don't like it anymore.
So that's not to say I don't like being social.
Like I love to go out to dinner.
I love to do like a small little party at home with friends at a reasonable hour.
I love that. Like there's other things to do that sort of have the same energy, but I just, the partying, the going out, I don't like it.
I think the part that I miss the most is actually the getting ready.
I loved getting ready to go out, like the few times that I really went out.
That was the best part.
Yeah. So, okay. Moving on.
Number two, this kind of sounds contradictory to what I just said, but just bear with me.
I don't really get FOMO anymore.
And if you don't know what FOMO is, fear of missing out.
You know, like, all of your friends go rock climbing and you have to do something else.
You have to, you know, go get your nails done or something because you booked that appointment a week ago and you need to get them done because they, and so you have to miss out on the rock climbing.
Horrible example. But FOMO would be like, oh, I wish I wasn't getting my nails done right now.
I wish I was rock climbing with my friends.
I have FOMO. I have fear of missing out.
or, you know, not getting invited to a party and spending the night at home and being like, Oh, I wish I was there.
I have FOMO. Why can't I be there?
I definitely used to have FOMO as a young person.
I was trying to get invited to as many things as possible.
And I was also simultaneously a yes man.
So anything I got invited to, I was going to, I always had FOMO, you know, if there's a party I wasn't invited to, which in LA kind of happened a lot because I, like, wasn't known for going to parties.
So I just like didn't really get invited to lot of parties and then when I would get invited to parties, I would like, I don't know.
I like didn't really stand out necessarily in a big way.
So people weren't like excited to invite me back.
I wasn't like the star of the party.
You know how there's like stars of the party where it's like, wow, this person is just fun.
We need to invite them back next time.
I've never been that.
So yeah, I always had FOMO.
Anytime I wasn't invited to something, anytime I had to miss out on something, I had FOMO a little bit, you know, I felt anxious.
I felt stressed about not being there.
Now, mm mm, no. And I think the reason for that is is because I'm so aware of what's fulfilling for me in my life.
And all those things are in my control for the most part.
My relationships, my hobbies, my work life, helping others, taking care of myself, exercise, like all these things are what make me feel fulfilled and those are all in my control.
people. If I want to exercise, I can walk out my front door and go for a walk.
If I want to deepen my relationship with one of my loved ones, I can go to dinner and have a deep chat with them.
All of the things that make my life most fulfilling are actually at my fingertips.
I'm not at the mercy of an invite.
I don't have fear of missing out because I just do stuff that makes me feel good in my own life.
I don't need to go hang out with other people or go to a cool party to fill my cup.
And also too I think I now have grasped the reality of most situations.
It's very rare that an event will live up to expectation.
You know like the party, the hangout, the rock climbing adventure, like whatever it may be.
Like whatever you're missing out on is probably not that great.
you'll be able to have an experience that's just as good another time, you know?
It's okay. You know, I think I've realized that over the years and as my prefrontal cortex has developed.
Okay, moving on, I don't want to wear cropped clothing anymore, and I don't want to wear platform shoes.
I don't know what it was about me as like a teenager or even a young woman in my early 20s.
I just I wanted every single shirt I wore to be cropped and I wanted every single shoe I wore to be platform, and I feel like there's something about that that It's so very much like prefrontal cortex is not fully developed, not in an insulting way, but it does feel very, at this point, sort of immature style -wise.
I can't explain it.
I'm not saying I never will wear a cropped shirt.
I absolutely will. That exists, but I don't need every shirt I wear to be cropped.
And the same thing goes for the platform shoe.
The platform UGG boot is very popular right now.
you walk through the streets of L .A.
or New York and half of the people are wearing a platform UGG boot, which I totally, that's totally fine.
Okay, but my point is I don't need to wear the platform UGG boot.
I like the original.
Same thing goes for a classic T -shirt.
I don't need to wear a cropped T -shirt.
I'm just gonna wear one that's a normal length.
There are times in fashion where I'm like, wait a minute, this is a cool cropped shirt.
You know, we're like, this is a cool platform boot.
Like, sure it happens.
But I'm just saying, like it used to be this thing of like every single shirt needed to be cropped.
I buy a shirt, crop it immediately.
Every single shoe needed to be platform.
And now it's like, okay, no, we can wear, we can, we can wear normal length shirts, we can wear normal, you know, normal shoes.
Do you know what I'm saying?
I don't know what it is about that in like late teens, early twenties, It's like every girl in their late teens, early 20s loves a crop shirt, loves a platform shoe.
Go into a high school right now, you're gonna see crop tops and you're gonna see platform Converse and platform UGBOOTS, okay?
Count how many you see.
This is not an insult, this is just the truth.
I loved this. I was all about it, I was there too.
I just grew out of it for whatever reason.
I don't know why, my brain has just decided it's done with that.
And it was like so, it was such like a moment where I was like, wait a minute, what have I been doing?
I don't wanna do this anymore.
It doesn't feel chic to me anymore.
You know, it doesn't feel cute to me anymore.
I don't like it. Which actually leads me to my next piece of evidence that my prefrontal cortex is developing.
My personal style is definitely maturing.
You know, like I used to wear maybe brighter colors, trendier silhouettes.
I was attracted to more like maximalist sort of things.
And just for whatever reason that I can't even necessarily explain.
It's almost like just something that has happened subconsciously.
My style has matured a lot and it's not because I'm trying to dress my age.
I don't believe in that.
I don't think that that is a thing.
Naturally, my style has just matured.
And by matured I mean I'm attracted to soothing colors on the eyes.
I don't wanna wear bright colors.
I don't wanna wear crazy patterns.
I have a really sort of gentle on the eyes sort of color palette in my closet.
All the silhouettes in my opinion, are really timeless, like I'm not buying super hyper trendy things anymore.
The clothing in my closet is much more comfortable, like I'm not, I don't have a lot of tight pants, or like super mini skirts.
It's just a lot more simple and more mature and more, in my opinion, sophisticated.
And again, I'm not saying like to not wear clothes like that is to not mature, is to not be sophisticated.
It's just how my taste has evolved.
What I see as sophisticated, because in my opinion, what is sophisticated is subjective, you know, in my opinion.
Like I think, well, I guess sophisticated does sort of have more of a definition.
So maybe I shouldn't have used that word. Maybe I should say chic because chic to me is much more subjective.
Like what's chic to one person is not chic to another.
And that is made clear whenever you go on TikTok or Reels and see people reviewing fashion.
I will vehemently disagree with what people think is chic.
And I'll also disagree with what they think is not chic.
Chic is definitely up for debate.
What I think is chic has changed.
I think it's a lot more consistent now.
Like I used to change my style a lot and I still do when I go to events.
But that's kind of different because that's not really as much my personal day to day style.
That's like me experimenting because I get to rent clothes for these events.
So I get to like have fun and wear stuff that I don't have to commit to buying, you know, but my day -to -day style, what is in my own personal wardrobe that I own is really consistent, really simple, really timeless.
And in my opinion, really chic, uh, and a bit more mature.
There's no way that my prefrontal cortex hasn't played a role in that.
Moving on. This also sort of relates to fashion.
I definitely am prioritizing comfort over aesthetics now more than ever I Have become really good at balancing fashion in comfort Everything that you look at on me is in my eyes Fashionable but also physically comfortable for me.
There are a few times a year where I will prioritize aesthetics over comfort, and that is for the two or three major red carpet events that I do on a yearly basis.
Other than that, it is comfort over aesthetics for me.
For example, like my hair, I love my pixie cut, I love the way it looks.
But more than anything, I love it because of how easy it is and how comfortable it is.
Having short hair is so comfortable.
No hair on my neck, I don't know, I don't have to brush it, it doesn't get tangled, it doesn't feel heavy.
It's so comfortable.
I took my long acrylic nails off, or they weren't acrylic, but they were extensions, gel X, whatever.
I took my long nails off a few months ago because I'm learning how to play guitar.
And at a certain point I was like, maybe at some point I'll get them back on, maybe I'll do guitar for a month and then have long nails for a month.
Just because I loved having long nails so much, I always loved how they looked.
But now that I have short nails again, I'm like, ew, I don't know if I'll ever go back.
Even for red carpet events, I'm like, I don't.
It's so uncomfortable to have long nails.
I don't think I ever want to have them again.
Now I'm so obsessed with comfort at this point in my life that I'm like, ooh, I can't.
You know, I wear a lot of loose clothes and listen, people will say things about me like Emma looks like, doesn't look hot.
Emma is like, I don't know, like her clothes look like she doesn't look very feminine.
I don't give a fuck, okay?
I'm comfortable and I still find a way to express myself fashion -wise while being comfortable.
There's a few times of year where I can wear something tight and the booty's out, or the boobies are out, or whatever, like it happens.
And I would do it more if it wasn't physically uncomfortable, I don't like how it feels on my body, sorry.
And I'd rather sacrifice a bit of sex appeal just to be comfortable, that's my opinion, that's who I am, that's what's important to me, and that wasn't always the case.
You know, I think aesthetics used to be more important to me than comfort for a period of time there.
And those days are over.
And the prefrontal cortex is solid and I love my comfy clothes.
Okay, moving on. I exist in a lot of silence these days.
When I'm making my morning coffee, when I'm sitting and I'm drinking it, when I'm having my lunch, when I'm going for a walk, when I'm laying in bed, taking a midday rest, you know, when I'm doing chores, when I'm driving, when I'm doing my makeup.
There are a lot of routine actions that I used to do with noise that I no longer do with noise, you know?
I used to drive with music on.
I used to eat lunch with a YouTube video playing.
I used to do my makeup with a podcast going, And for some reason now I just want silence as often as possible.
And it feels to me like evidence of the prefrontal cortex developing.
Listen, there are moments where I'm like, you know what?
I want some music on, but they're far less frequent than me choosing silence.
And this is somewhat of a new development.
Like for a really long time, I always had to have noise.
Like any moment that was quiet, I had to have noise.
And I challenged myself a little while ago to stop doing that, because I think it was impacting my ability to, number one, motivate to like get back to work.
Like if I would be like working and then I'd sit down for lunch and watch a YouTube video, it would make me not want to go back to work because I'd be like, wait, I want to watch more YouTube.
So I sort of decided, all right, I'm not going to basically consume anything during the day.
And then at the end of the day, I could watch a little YouTube, listen to a little bit of music or whatever.
So yeah, for one, it was making it hard for me to be productive in a weird way, but also number two, I then wasn't using my time to think to think I was using my time to think to listen to music, to listen to podcasts, to listen to YouTube videos.
And a lot of my job is thinking I'm thinking a lot for this podcast. I'm thinking a lot from Chamberlain Coffee.
I'm thinking a lot about random creative concepts for like brand partnerships.
I'm thinking about how to make a YouTube video feel well -rounded and how to give it like, you know, how to make it entertaining.
I'm thinking about how can I film this video to make it more interesting.
Like all of these little random things happen in those little quiet moments throughout the day.
And if I fill that with noise, I'm not getting to benefit from that quiet time.
And so those two reasons made me want to, you know, exist in more silence.
but then I ended up just falling in love with it.
And now I'm, I'm existing in silence majority of the time by choice.
Not because I'm like trying to further my productivity.
It's actually become something that I just enjoy and find to be so recharging for me.
But it's almost like unthinkable like if I think of myself as like an 18 year old driving around in silence, doing my makeup in silence, absolutely not.
I don't think it would have happened.
So it's very much Emma growing up.
I also think I've become a lot more productive in the last few years, like, for so long.
I was so emotionally unstable, like as a late teenager, early 20 -year -old, there were so many things just constantly rattling my foundation, you know, turbulent friendships, turbulent romantic relationships, fluctuating self -esteem, figuring out who I am as a person.
I just was much more unstable and I just couldn't get as much done, you know.
And a lot of it was self -inflicted, dating the wrong guys, being friends with the wrong people, prioritizing the wrong things, not understanding myself well enough to make the right choices for myself, like the list goes on.
Technically these are all of my own doing, you know?
Like I did these things to myself, but I think it was a necessary part of growing up and I'm just in a much more stable point in my life now where, you know, like my life is It's just more chill.
There's much less drama going on.
I understand myself a lot better.
I'm still learning, but I understand myself a lot better.
And that has just led me to being more productive.
And it's incredible because it was so stressful for so many years of my life, like constantly struggling in my personal life.
It just made me so, I couldn't get a lot done.
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Now, back to the episode.
Next, my friendships have matured.
You know, I feel like when you're a young person, your friendships are much more intense.
Like, when I was a late teenager, I saw my best friends every single day.
We slept at each other's houses almost every night.
We would do our work together, we would do everything together.
And my friendships have definitely evolved beyond that.
Like I don't have friendships like that anymore.
I have friends that I see on a biweekly basis.
I have friends that I talk to on a semi daily basis.
But at this point, we're adults.
We have work, we have hobbies, we have family.
We have a lot to balance.
It's completely unrealistic to have that type of friendship as an adult.
It's just kind of impossible.
Listen, it probably works for some people, but for me and for my friends, it doesn't.
So we see each other when we can, but it's just not as intense.
And can I be honest, it's so much better this way.
When you're young and you see your friends every day and you do everything together, it's really fun, it's really deep.
It's an experience that I'd hoped that every young person has with their friends, but it does ultimately take a toll, not only on the friendship, but also on all individuals in the relationship.
Like it takes a toll on the relationship because the more time you spend together, the higher the likelihood is that there's gonna be conflict.
Now conflict is important in relationships, but if you spend too much time together You can just start bickering about nothing, you know, cuz you're just sick of each other But beyond that I think it can be really hard to have a sense of individuality when you're in a friend group That's so tight -knit that you see each other every single day You know You don't have a sense of self anymore at a certain point because everything you do is is with this friend or with this group of friends and it can also cause an and unhealthy dependency on one another, where you don't want to do anything without
that friend and that's not healthy either, and I don't know, it's just, I think friendships like that are just, those types of friendships, at least for me personally, are reserved for my teenage years and my early 20s.
I will never have a friendship like that again and can I be honest, I'm overjoyed.
I love having friends at my yoga class that I only see at yoga, low maintenance friendships.
I love my best friends that I text on almost a daily basis and I get dinner with you know every other week or so.
And you know every once in a while we go on a trip or something but it's like we all get to have our own lives, we all get to get work done, nobody's expecting too much from the other, it's just healthier.
Next I almost have no drama in my life anymore.
Now listen I still have drama, but like when I was younger there was constant drama like drama with who I'm dating, drama with my friend group, drama at like, in my work life, you know?
And I guess this kind of is the same as me being emotionally unstable in a way that made me not productive, you know?
This is kind of the same thing, but it extends to my personal relationships and stuff as well.
I just don't have drama as much anymore.
Again, there's always gonna be drama here and there, but I'm out of it, you know what I mean?
And I will say, I do kind of love drama.
There's always been a little part of me that loves it.
I don't like when I'm in it.
And luckily for me, I'm in it less now than I've ever been before.
And I'm happy, okay?
I don't want drama.
Occasionally, I like to hear about a little bit of drama.
Sure, but I don't want to be in it.
And I think, part of growing up is being like, wait, I don't want to put myself into situations that are gonna cause drama, so I'm gonna avoid them.
When you're younger, I think sometimes you can chase chaos like for example, I used to only have crushes on guys That didn't like me.
I thought it was so hot.
Oh this guy doesn't like me.
That's so hot I have to have him or I would date emotionally unavailable guys.
They literally Barely could give me the time of day.
I was like, I'm obsessed.
I'm addicted to this feeling.
I love this And I was fucking miserable.
It was horrible, but it was sort of addicting I was addicted to the drama.
Same goes for friendship.
I used to allow my friendships to become so intense and so like, we're this friend group and there's so many of us and we're all in this group and we all hang out every single day.
And that was a recipe for disaster and I knew that.
But I didn't know how to not get into those friendships because that was the only type of, at least female friendship that I'd ever had where we're all sisters.
We hang out every day.
We talk every day, we hang out every day.
We're attached to the hip.
We don't do anything without each other.
And I knew deep down that that type of friendship, that structure of friendship caused drama, but I just kept getting into those types of friendships anyway.
And that was a lot of drama.
You know, there's always drama with that.
Somebody would feel left out.
Somebody would start to get grumpy and then like everybody else would be like, why are you grumpy?
We don't want to be around you because you're being grumpy.
And it's like there's always some sort of drama.
And then even with work, like, you know, constantly dealing with mental blocks, because I was so distracted by all of the drama in my life, which then created more drama, because then I couldn't get any work done.
But also constantly being chased by deadlines to the point where it became drama, you know, and it's like, I can't get this done.
I can't get this done.
I don't know, I just used to have a lot of drama.
No, I don't. And I love it.
Number 10. The majority of the time when I do listen to music, it is soft, soothing, acoustic, simple music.
I love soothing, beautiful, quiet, cozy, like super stripped down, like low production value music.
This is what I like.
I don't want it to sound like it was made on a computer, for one.
I don't want to hear autotune on the voice.
I don't want the voice to be perfect either I don't want it to be like this perfectly like loud Oh, singer.
No, I want like some little indie person with like a soft, soothing, normal sounding voice.
I want classic instruments.
I want it to be really easy on the ears.
I want there to be nothing loud, nothing sticking out.
I love that. I just love soothing music.
Now listen, there are times when I wanna listen to something upbeat, and I'll put that on, mainly with friends or you know, whatever, driving around with people or something, that can be really fun.
Or if I like really want to get hyped up when I'm doing my makeup, maybe then, maybe, but I don't know, again, 98 % of the time I'd say, maybe 95, let's say 95 to be safe, 95 % of the time that I'm listening to music, it's something so fucking chill, you can barely comprehend how chill this music is.
And that to me feels like a prefrontal cortex development.
Like, I don't know, just wanting to hear soft, soothing sounds all the time, to me, feels like, okay, she's growing up.
I never loved super loud, super intense music, but I liked upbeat, fun music, and I still do.
It's just that I'm not gravitating towards it.
A lot of times, I just want to feel peaceful.
I'm constantly chasing piece.
That's actually not something I put on my list of evidence of prefrontal cortex development, but that is actually another one.
Everything that I do in my life for the most part is an action that hopefully will lead me to a more peaceful life.
I just want peace and calm.
That's what I want more than ever in my life.
Next, I love doing chores.
I'm sorry, I love doing chores.
Listen, I will say I don't love doing chores when I don't have time to do chores.
Chores when you're busy with other things, horrible.
Like if I, okay, like if I have a photo shoot and the photo shoot starts at eight and I wake up and I go into my kitchen and I'm like, ooh, I didn't do the dishes last night, maybe I could try to do these before I leave for the shoot so I can come home to a clean house.
But like I also really wanted to like sit and have my coffee and just relax this morning like, and I'm making that decision.
That sucks. Like I'm not saying like, I love chores no matter what, but I actually enjoy doing chores if I have the time.
like if it's the weekend and I don't really have anything going on, and it's like 4 p .m. on a Sunday, I'll do a little house cleanup.
I'll put my clothes away.
I'll like, put, you know, the dishes in the dishwasher.
I'll, you know, organize my pantry.
I'll clean out my fridge, like whatever.
I like these things.
I love these things actually.
And it used to be not the case.
I did not like chores, especially as a teenager.
I don't think anyone does.
But I don't know. I've, I've ended up finding a lot of joy in it.
I really enjoy the routine of it.
I really enjoy the satisfaction of it, because there actually is something that you gain from it.
It's not like an action that doesn't have a reward. If anything, it's like instant gratification, which, these days we experience a lot of.
This is like the healthiest form of instant gratification possible.
You clean your space, you organize your space, you take care of your space, you take care of yourself, you take care of your animals, whatever, you do chores, you get to benefit immediately.
Okay, if you clean your kitchen, now you get to look at a beautiful clean kitchen.
You get to enjoy that, you know, right after you do it, you get to enjoy that until you make your kitchen a mess again.
Same thing goes for your closet.
If you take care of your space and yourself and your animals and all, all these things, you will immediately benefit.
It's like everyone's happy.
And you know, if you look at it as something that's tedious and horrible, it's going to be tedious and horrible.
But if you give it a chance and let it be sort of satisfying and relaxing can be kind of awesome.
Um, like I love loading the dishwasher, you know, an hour goes by, take everything out, I put it all away.
So satisfying. I love putting all my, my clothes away and having a perfectly clean closet.
I love making my bed.
Actually I'm kind of bad about making my bed, but I love when I do it.
That's not as much of a priority for me, but that's actually like the one chore that I'm not good about doing.
I pretty much do everything else with joy and pleasure, but making my bed less so, but that feels very like maturing and being able to enjoy the, the simple tasks in life.
Um, I also love when people help me out with my chores.
Don't get me wrong.
I'm like not trying to do them all myself all the time, but I'm just saying that, you know, I, I do find joy in them occasionally.
Uh, moving on. I'm less available to people.
I really don't have the energy to keep up with everyone.
I don't respond to texts.
I don't hang out with people as often, I'm just not a people pleaser anymore.
And this is definitely that brain developing because for so many years I was a people pleaser, hung out with everyone who asked me to hang out, gave everyone my phone number, responded to every text, I was constantly available and I think God I've grown out of that because that was absolutely miserable.
And it is incredible.
There are moments when I get a bit concerned like, oh, does this person feel like I'm ignoring them?
You know, am I a bad person for not responding, but a lot of times, you know, I'll get back to him eventually or maybe I won't and I'll see them in person like six months later and everything will be cool and I'll be like, hey, you know, sorry, I didn't respond to the texts.
I'm just not on my phone right now, like, I'm really, which by the way is true, I'm not lying, but I'm prioritizing my close circle, I'm prioritizing my own needs.
I just can't be available to everybody.
I just can't show up for everybody.
I used to show up for everyone all the time and now I just don't.
I show up for far less people and it feels amazing.
And I have so much more energy to put towards things that are ultimately more important.
We can't be available to everyone all the time, it's impossible.
And if you try to do it, you'll fail and you'll end up worse off.
Next, I think I'm developing new fears as my prefrontal cortex is developing.
It's almost like as that part of my brain is developing, I'm becoming more scared because I am grasping more information, which means I'm grasping more scary information, which means I'm developing new fears.
Like I feel like as I'm getting older, I'm becoming more and more and more terrified of flying on airplanes.
I'm also becoming more and more and more terrified of my health and my physical well -being.
like I'm more and more frightened of illness and disease.
Even people sometimes, like when I walk around in LA or New York, it's a big city, and there's a lot of crazy shit going on all the time, I'll get scared.
I don't know if I've told this story, but I used to live on Hollywood Boulevard in Hollywood, which is very like, city, you know?
It's gritty. You know, it's a bit spooky out there sometimes, you know?
Like, there's a decent, amount of crime that goes on in Hollywood and I lived right in the thick of it and it was so funny I was 17 living on Hollywood Boulevard at any given moment something bad could happen and that's like not irrational like that's a rational fear just because that area is like a free -for -all and I didn't give a fuck I was like 17 walking around like late at night by myself.
It was so crazy and I didn't care.
I was like nah if somebody tries to fuck with me I I don't care.
What? Now I'm an adult and I'm like oh my God.
I would not feel comfortable walking around the area that I lived when I was 17 alone at night now.
No way. No way. I need my dad, a boyfriend, somebody, you know what I'm saying?
I'm not walking around Hollywood Boulevard alone anymore.
In fact, the last time I was around there at night, I actually was with a protector in theory.
I still was frightened.
Like I'm just frightened.
So moral of this story is I do weirdly think that I'm just developing more fears as my brain is developing and hopefully maybe over the next year of prefrontal cortex development that will even out and I'll end up not afraid again because let's not forget, I still have a year to go, but for now I'm experiencing a lot of fears.
Next, I'm weirdly developing a deeper appreciation for animals.
It's so weird growing up I always really envied my mom's relationship with our animals because we had four animals in the house growing up We had two cats and two dogs All of which I gassed let my mom into adopting and then proceeded to never take care of and she had to do everything That's always how it is and I always envied her relationship with the animals She like adored them like as children almost and you know she would talk to them and she would like cuddle with them and she just There was something about my mom's relationship with the animals that just felt deeper than mine and I always
envied it and I didn't understand why I didn't have that relationship with them.
I was like, why do you connect with them like this?
Why do they love you so much?
Why do you love them so much?
Like how do I get there?
And weirdly, as I'm getting older, I'm starting to feel more like my mom with animals.
And I really think what it comes down to is when you're a kid, you really only hear what's loud.
Like you're listening to the noise when you're a kid.
I feel like. You're listening to what people are telling you, you're listening to the music that's being played loudly.
You're listening for loud things.
What catches your attention is stuff that's loud.
And I think the older you get, the more your brain is able to hear a whisper.
And I think animals, weirdly, their magic is not loud.
You know, it is sort of a whisper.
I just think that there's too much noise when you're a kid to be able to fully appreciate the beauty of an animal.
I don't know. I mean, maybe it's different for everybody.
I think for me, I had to grow into it.
I think for other people it's probably like, I was born and I loved my horse, Emma, and I could speak to my horse from a very young age and you don't understand me.
Fine, but you get what I'm saying.
Okay? I couldn't connect with animals fully until recently, really.
Like I really just enjoy the moments that I have with my cats Laying in bed at the end of the day and doing work on on my computer my kitties coming and laying in my lap you know sitting on the toilet and like the kitties come and Rub on my leg and it's like these little moments throughout the day I just I feel so connected to them and it didn't always feel that deep to me It's just my my relationship with animals I feel like is becoming deeper and even more meaningful than ever.
And it's almost like I can hear them now.
I don't know how to explain it.
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Moving on, I'm much more responsible with money.
I had such a bad shopping addiction as a teenager and when I was in my early 20s horrible shopping addiction had to buy everything bought everything all the time and What was interesting about my shopping addiction was that I wasn't addicted to buying expensive things the price didn't matter In fact, I was all about getting as much as possible for as less as possible Which is why I've always loved thrift shopping in vintage shopping and all this But I was also buying like little trinkets for my house or like little useful gadgets I don't know.
I just, I've always loved shopping and the second I made my own money, it got really dangerous and I just was buying, buying, buying, buying, buying all the time and it was definitely somewhat financially irresponsible.
I wouldn't say it was detrimental or deeply harmful because again, I wasn't actually spending a lot of money, but now I'm so much more responsible with money.
I'm kind of doing incredible.
I still buy things.
You know, I'm a human to be I'm doing much better.
And what really made me realize that I was having a problem was just starting to feel fatigued by having so much stuff around all the time.
You know, I started to become really aware of the fatigue that stuff gave me and too many choices, like all of that was exhausting for me.
And I think as my brain developed, I realized I can't justify this anymore, so I'm not going to do it anymore.
Oh, God, this one, I'm scared to say it out loud, but I have to because it's true.
I'm less scared of getting pregnant on accident.
Okay, hear me out. I don't want to get pregnant.
I am not going to get pregnant unless my IUD falls out and I didn't know and I get pregnant.
I am not planning on getting pregnant.
I am very very adamant about being on birth control, about preventing pregnancy in as many ways safe, comfortable, healthy ways as possible, I'm all about it.
Like I got the IUD in, I get it checked to make sure it's in the right position as often as I can.
I do not wanna get pregnant and when I was a teenager and in my early 20s of course I was terrified of accidentally getting pregnant.
I can't even tell you how many times I've had a full panic attack thinking I was pregnant because my period was late and I was really bloated just to then take a pregnancy test, and it be negative, and then me get my period, like a day later.
But I used to be so terrified.
Now when my period's late and I'm bloated, and I'm like, I should probably take a pregnancy test, I'm scared, my fear is like, dwindling.
I'm less afraid every time, because I'm getting to a point now where I'm like, if I were to get pregnant, it would be okay.
I could have a baby if I had to, I don't want to but if I had to I could and, you know, I think my biggest fear for so long was like I don't want to have to deal with The weight of this decision of like what am I gonna do?
I'm now pregnant I'm I'm 19 like why I don't I was very afraid of that experience and what mental turmoil that would bring and and I I never wanted to be faced with that at an age where I wasn't ready to deal with that sort of decision.
And now I'm at a point in my life where I'm like, okay, you know what?
I'm a full grown adult.
I feel the prefrontal cortex is hardening, okay.
If I happen to get pregnant on accident, it wouldn't be as traumatic for me anymore.
So therefore I'm not as frightened of it.
Listen, I'm not trying to have a baby.
Stop, stop, stop starting rumors about me.
Like I'm not but I'm just saying that it would be fine.
And last but not least, I'm less focused on my appearance.
Like I'm not talking about like my clothes, you know, my makeup, my hair, I'm talking about my body.
Okay, I'm talking about like what my actual face looks like, what my actual body looks like, I'm talking about what I look like if I'm stripped down completely naked and that's who I am.
Like, you know, as a young person, I was obsessed with what I look like.
I was obsessed with what my face looked like, I was obsessed with what my body looked like, and I was obsessing about it constantly in a very unhealthy way, and I think that's very common for young people and especially young people growing up with Instagram and YouTube and all of this.
Like, I used to be so focused on my physical body, and listen, am I still?
Of course I am, But I would say that its intensity has dwindled down to like 50%, maybe even like 40%.
I used to be at a hundred percent obsessed with what I looked like, every little wrinkle, every little thing I didn't like, I was aware, and I was like, I will get rid of it.
I will find a way, which has always been shocking to people about me because I'm not particularly obsessed with my more surface level appearance.
Like my clothes, my makeup, my hair.
Like I'm down to look like shit in that way.
As long as I like how my face and my body look.
Does that make sense?
Like I care about that and I just don't care anymore.
Like sometimes I'm editing a YouTube video and I'm like holy shit, I cannot believe how hideous I think I look in this clip.
Like should I just cut this clip?
And then I'm like, wait, no. And then I move on.
It's like a split second thought of like, oh wow, that's an ugly, ugly angle of me.
Okay, and then I move on.
Whereas it used to be like, I'd see an ugly angle of myself and I'd be like, I'm cutting that.
And I know what you're thinking, Emma, you've always showed like your ugly side.
Yeah, but I've always had a limit.
Okay. Now I have like no limit.
I'm like, I don't really care.
I don't know. I just, I'm less concerned about my body.
I still care to an extent, you know, it's like if I have acne, if you know, I'm not taking care of myself in some way and it's showing in a way that is unfavorable for me.
Like, yes, I'm going to notice that.
Yes, I might not be happy with it.
But it's less torturous for me, like I just used to be so obsessed with it in a toxic way and I think that that's just kind of cooled down a bit for me.
And I think that's it.
Is that it? I think that's it.
We'll check back in a year when I turned 25 and see if I had any more developments.
But this is all I got for now.
Anyway, I hope you all wish me a happy birthday because if you don't, I will be really offended.
So, um, blow up my freaking comments on all platforms, happy birthday Emma, happy birthday Emma, get me to 40 million comments on every single video and every single Instagram post I've ever posted in my life for my birthday gift and yeah that's all I got for today.
Um, I love you all.
If it happens to be your birthday today, happy birthday to you as well.
Let's not make it all about me.
Yeah that's all I got for today.
New episodes of Anything Goes every Thursday and Sunday.
Find Anything goes anywhere at anything goes, find me anywhere at Emma Chamberlain, I'm Emma Chamberlain, find my coffee company anywhere at Chamberlain Coffee, Chamberlain because I'm Emma Chamberlain and then it's Chamberlain Coffee.
I'm recording this before my birthday, like it's not like when I'm recording this is not my birthday, you know what I mean?
Like I wish I could say something like, I'm gonna go eat a fucking cupcake but I can't really justify that because it's like I mean I can have a cupcake whenever I want but I don't have cupcakes at my house Like, I don't have a cupcake, you know, because it's not actually my birthday.
I can't say, I'll talk to you guys later, I'm going out to dinner tonight for my birthday because again, right now it's like, to me, it's a random Tuesday when I'm recording this.
It's a random, random, random Tuesday.
My birthday is, it's not now, you know?
So I'm going to go proceed to have a normal day but I wish me in the future on May 22nd a very, very beautiful happy birthday.
Emma, if you're listening to this, I hope that, you know, you do something fucking fun.
Obviously you're sober, you don't drink anymore, so you can't do anything that fun.
No margarita jugs, no beer kegs, you know, oof.
So I don't know, go like fucking, I don't know, go sit in a rocking chair outside and read a book or something.
You old hag. Is hag derogatory?
I should Google that.
I don't think, okay.
So if I said something derogatory, you can't get mad at me because I didn't know.
Nah, it's fine. hag is a wizened old woman or kind of fairy.
I called myself that.
Like, don't cancel me for that, okay?
You guys, don't cancel me on my fucking birthday.
I'm actually not kidding.
Don't do that. That's like cruel.
Cancel me another day.
I'm knocking on wood.
But don't do it today because it's my birthday.
Okay, you guys, I'm done.
I'm not talking anymore.
I love you all. I appreciate you all.
Have a gorgeous rest of your day.
I mean, it is the best day of the year because it's my birthday.
So celebrate for me.
Treat yourself today in honor of me.
Okay. Love you. Bye.
