Welcome, welcome, welcome to the Tonight Show.
You're here.
You made it.
Thank you very much.
Well guys, as you know, this weekend the US was hit by a historic winter storm that shattered temperature records and covered nearly half the country in a foot of snow.
Yeah, it is brutal out there.
It is so cold, my belly button went from an outie to an innie.
Yeah, we got a foot of snow here in New York City and everything went from beautiful to brown mush in two seconds.
Basically, the entire city pulled an avocado.
And, yeah, it's freezing out there.
It's so cold, J.D.
Vance shrunk to the size of Marco Rubio.
It is so cold, I watched the Melania movie just to warm my heart, you know?
It's so cold, President Trump got a space heater installed in his MRI machine.
I just... Oh.
Hey, Jimmy, let me try one.
It's so cold in New York City, the rent froze itself.
Good night, everybody.
Thank you very, very much.
Thank you.
Thank you.
But seriously, stay inside, stay warm, stay safe.
Thanks again.
That's Mr. Mayor right there.
Wow.
Mr. Mayor is here.
Well, this has been a historic winter storm.
Millions of people all around the country are dealing with snow and ice.
So, right now, let's get a weather update from Tonight Show meteorologist Paris Hilton.
Paris, how is it out there?
That's not hot.
Thank you, Paris.
Thank you very much.
Paris Hilton, everybody.
That's not hot.
That's not hot, yeah.
Of course, due to the storm, thousands of flights were canceled, which created total chaos with air travel, but the airlines wanted to let people know that they were working on it, so they released some messages.
Check out this first one from Delta.
That's nice.
Here's one from United.
I like that.
You know, I like that.
Oh, wait.
Hang on.
I'm sorry.
I'm hearing this.
One more message from Spirit Airlines.
Okay.
What's this?
Take it off!
What's the worst that can happen?
A door falls off?
Buddy, our planes never have doors!
We're the only ones in the sky, so we're about to go full Top Gun in this Pringles toot with wings!
If you don't have an emotional support animal, you better find one, because it's about to get l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-
Wow.
Thank you.
That was some big sports news.
The Super Bowl matchup is officially set, with the Seattle Seahawks taking on the New England Patriots.
What a matchup.
Seattle versus Boston.
Yep.
Starbucks versus Dunkin'.
Stale egg sandwiches versus stale egg sandwiches.
Yeah, it's a matchup between quarterback Sam Darnold of the Seahawks and Drake May of the Patriots.
Yep.
Sam and Drake.
This sounds like a comedy on the Disney Channel.
Yep, last year, it was Kendrick, and this year, it's Drake.
Hmm.
It's like half a joke.
It's kind of there.
I saw where we were going with it.
But we just didn't really land the plane.
Yeah, no, yeah, we stopped short.
But there's got to be something about Drake and Kendrick.
What was that?
We'll do the other half tomorrow.
Yeah, it's a to-be-continued joke.
We do the first half tonight.
And then you dip your toes in the water.
You go, well, that's not bad.
And then tomorrow you go, I don't like it.
You guys see this?
Trump said that he's skipping the Super Bowl this year because it's just too far away.
Apparently, the NFL was like, if you stay home, we'll give you the football peace prize.
Got a deal?
Cool?
I'll take it.
I can't believe I got it.
I deserve it.
I can't believe it's mine.
Trump said that he will not attend the Super Bowl because it's too far, which is also what he said about a meeting on the other side of the Oval Office.
I can't go.
It's not great when you're too tired to sit for three hours, you know?
That is the whole joke there.
That's the whole... There's no part two.
That's it.
Yeah, that's it.
That's not going to get any worse or better.
Yeah.
Well, speaking of Trump, he just revoked his invitation for Canada to join his new Board of Peace after the Canadian Prime Minister criticized the US.
So, so far, the Board of Peace is going great.
And finally, I read that Lowe's is launching an initiative to reach younger shoppers.
Meanwhile, Home Depot will keep being a place where you slap an AirTag on Dad and let him wander around for hours.
We have a great show.
Pete Davidson is here tonight.
Paris Hilton is joining us!
And we got great music from Don Toliver!
Stick around!
We're playing charades when we come back, everybody!
