Hey, it's Bex here and I just wanted to share with you a brand new episode of a brand new show I've been making.
It's called Judge Bex, and in it I solve a ton of family drama.
So, do you have a dispute with your parents, friend, or brother or sister that you need settled?
Maybe your parents are withholding pocket money unfairly.
Maybe your sibling is blaming you for losing their favourite toy.
Or maybe your best friend didn't complete their dare properly.
Whatever your problem, I'm tackling it head on.
Here's the latest episode and, if you like it, check out the show notes to see how you can hear more of them.
This is Judge Bex.
The cases and people are all real.
Judge Bex's judgments are final.
He says me and my sister can't have baths, but he has one anyway.
Name calling in the court.
Okay, I'm going to allow it because it's quite a funny name.
This is a new development in the nicknames game.
I can tell you that much.
So it rounds to 99.
They both round to 50.
Yeah, the total is 99.
And they both round to 50.
Yeah, you should get this like this.
This was Hattie's homework.
You set her.
Yes, don't me.
45.
Get ready to enter the court of Judge Bex.
Hello and welcome to Judge Bex.
I'm Lauren.
And I'm Connor.
We have two cases for you today.
Case number one is the case of Isla versus Fishboy, a.k.a. her dad.
Her dad doesn't let her take long baths and yet he gets to.
Doesn't seem fair.
And case number two is Hattie versus her dad.
Her dad makes her do three hours of homework a night.
Wow, it's a week in a day.
Let's get going with case number one.
So court is in session, the court of Judge Bex.
And who have I got who's brought this case to me today?
Isla, can you say hello to everybody listening?
Hello.
And tell me, what is your problem that you want me to solve?
So when this guy here called Fishboy...
He says me and my sister can't have baths, but he has one anyway.
So, sorry, can we double check what you called the person next to you, please?
Fish boy.
Fish boy?
This is outrageous.
Yeah.
Name calling in the court.
Okay, I'm going to allow it because it's quite a funny name.
Why did you call him fish boy?
Because he has baths all the time.
It's a solid burn.
I'm not going to deny it.
OK, so he has baths.
How many baths do you think Fishboy has every week?
About seven.
Is it one a day or seven in one day?
It's every day.
Every day he's having a bath.
That water bill is going to be crazy.
And you're not allowed a bath.
Is that right?
We are, but he didn't let us.
Why not?
I don't know.
Oh, this is interesting.
And what do you have to do instead?
Do you have like a hose in the back garden?
No, we have a very small shower.
A very small shower.
How small are we talking here?
About this small.
Now, for people listening, that is just you raising your thumb and your finger.
That's very small indeed, right?
Yeah.
Now, I'm fascinated by this.
We're going to come back to you Isla, but first of all we're going to have to bring down the gavel to Fishboy, who I assume is also aka.
Dad.
So I suppose we've got to bring in the defendant here.
Give me your case, please, sir.
Firstly, the name calling is completely out of bounds, but I'll put forward a case to the judge.
Your Honour,
Thank you.
We have showers, don't we?
We all have showers.
You guys get to have a proper shower, the full works, warm water provided, etc.
And occasionally, you know, I want to have a relax and have a bath after a long day's work.
So I'll have some, but I wouldn't call it excessive.
And it's certainly not one a day.
I feel like there's more to be said here.
So why can't your daughters have baths as well?
You do have baths sometimes, don't you?
Yeah, but not all the time.
Well, as the judge pointed out, the water bills would be extraordinary if we were all having baths.
I don't always have them.
I don't always have them.
Why else do you think you're called Fishboy?
I mean, this is clearly, it's come from somewhere, Dad.
This is a new development in the nicknames game.
I can tell you that much.
Isla, what's your final thought on this?
What do you reckon would you want to say to your dad here?
One day a bath and then no baths on the other days.
And you get seven days of baths?
Yes.
This is just not going to happen.
So that is case number one.
Connor, what are you thinking about this?
Do you know what?
I think the name Fishboy is fantastic for Isla.
What a name.
It reminds me of a Marvel character.
I feel like he's going to have special powers.
What could the powers be?
I don't know.
That's for another day.
I don't know.
I think you could think of some great ones.
You could make it rain whenever you wanted.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, you could swim underwater and breathe underwater.
It's just a good name.
It is.
Do you think he'd prefer to be called Fish Man as he's the dad?
Yeah, I do know what you mean.
Yeah, Fish Man would have worked better.
But I think with Isla, Isla should lean into that as well and be like, do you know what?
Having a dad called Fish Man or Fish Boy is pretty cool.
And I also don't really understand why there is a limit to the amount of baths.
Surely a clean family is a good thing.
I know, but it is expensive.
It is, but it's not Isla's problem, is it?
It is an Isla's problem.
I say that we do have to limit the baths.
The name, keep the name.
But the baths have got to be limited to some degree.
You think?
To what number?
I'm usually about two baths a week kind of guy.
That explains a lot.
So I'm going to have to stop you there.
I'm just hearing a very important person has just stepped into Judge Beck's chambers.
Hello, this is Judge Beck's.
Welcome to my chambers.
Right now, I have got TV and film superstar.
You may know him as the dad in Paddington.
I know him as the legal witness in the next case.
It's Hugh Bonneville.
So, Judge Becks, thank you very much, Your Honor, for allowing me into the court this morning.
My name is Hugh Bonneville.
I am here on behalf of the plaintiff Isla, and I have to say her case, I think, is an open and shut one.
To draw a bath, as they say, or to run a bath, and then forbid your own child to sit in that bath and to wash to have a proper ablution, I think is scandalous Your Honour.
And I think Fishboy should be sent down and certainly not allowed to have any baths in the future.
I rest my case.
There we go.
We've heard everything.
Let's get the verdict.
I feel like there's a happy medium to be had here, guys.
I think, I think if, if dad cuts down his let's face it excessive bathing, because isla's really dobbed him in here, i feel like all you do, dad is just in the bath every day.
I, in my opinion, i think, if you, if you bring down your bathing habits, then isla can bring hers up and then we can match the water bills obviously, but also time and effort, and we can all share those bath bombs.
So i mean isla, i feel like should we start you off with three baths a week and see what happens Okay?
Yeah, and then Dad can have less, you can have more, and then eventually we will get you up to seven.
We'll just creep you up.
Is that all right?
Okay.
Yeah, we'll get you up to four, then five, and then the week after you can have seven.
To be honest, by the end of the year, Isla, I want you to have 20 baths a day.
Is that all right?
Yeah.
There we go.
I think that could work perfectly.
So that is my ruling in today's Judge Bex.
We're going to just...
There we go, the official gavel and hammer.
Fishboy, I'm afraid I'm going to have to call you that.
How do you feel about that ruling?
I accept the judgment of the court in this case.
Thank you so much.
The judge and the jury, again, just me, feel that justice was done and it's been very fair.
Isla, go and have a bath is my advice.
Go and have a bath right now.
Go and do it.
Go and take as many baths as you like because Fishboy has proved that you can do what you want.
So Connor and I, we are in the chambers of Judge Beck's.
First of all, thank you so much for having us because I know you're a very busy lady.
We do appreciate it.
Your honour, it's a privilege.
Thank you guys, I appreciate that.
It really is.
So can we talk about this case quickly with Isla, and are we allowed to call him fish boy, or is that just?
I decided in my court that yes, fish boy was allowed because, A it's how it was brought to me in the case and B it's just really funny.
So I thought fish boy had to happen, yeah.
Your Honour, I have to go straight in on that, though.
Name calling.
Surely a hard offence there.
Name calling in the court.
But it felt like a relevant name because it was kind of evidence, almost because she felt so strongly about her dad having so many baths that she referred to him as an aquatic animal.
And that felt like it was proof of how strongly she felt.
20 baths being what Isla might get at the end of all of this.
I feel like 20 baths is a success for Isla.
20 baths is a success.
Yeah, right.
Because because of the evidence, because of the fish boy, it did sway me.
I'm not going to lie.
I thought it was very compelling.
So I mean, you know, obviously I imagine she's got school to go to and she's got other things going on in her life and maybe 20 baths is too much.
But yeah, my point was basically that.
We get dad's water bill down.
We can increase Isla's water bill.
And then she's good to go.
She can, to be honest, from my point of view, she can be swimming in baths as much as she wants to.
That was my feeling with that ruling.
And become fish girl.
I was going to say, is that allowed?
Is she allowed to be referred to as fish girl?
You know what?
If she wants to call herself fish girl, I will happily let her do that.
I will say if her dad calls her that, I will have to veto it.
And he'll have to come back into the court for a second ruling.
Why is that?
Because she's allowed to call him that because factually he was fish boy.
If she's factually fish girl, why can't her dad call her fish girl?
That's a great point.
Yeah.
I just feel like it would be muddying the waters a little bit too much.
And I feel like it would be, I think if honest, it'd be like him stealing her evidence in a way.
Okay, Your Honour.
So in terms of the actual bath situation okay, so the dad has really taken the mick for a while and used the bath loads.
Made them not use the bath.
There wasn't much punishment for the dad, really.
Well, by the end of it, though, the dad will have no bath.
I've taken away his joy in life, Connor.
Oh, so you're getting Isla to 20 and dad to none.
Children of the Court all rise for the Honourable Judge Bex.
All right, we're gonna kick off today's session in court.
We've got quite a big family dispute.
This is the first uh, first case of a dad we've had in judge becks and i am very, very interested.
So i am joined today uh, by hattie, aged eight years old.
Is that right?
Yeah yeah, and we've got dad ed, is that all right?
Yeah, and um hattie, we i need to know what's your opening statement here.
What is the problem?
What's your dad been doing?
He's been saying that I have to do three hours of homework.
OK, three hours is a lot of hours, right?
That's loads of hours.
Is this on top of your schoolwork or is it included in your schoolwork?
Included.
So three hours a day.
So what is the worst bit of these lessons, Hattie?
Well, I'm just trying to do something and my mind just goes.
But is that because the work is quite hard?
Yes.
Right.
So is he setting you his own work as well as what your teachers are setting you?
Yeah.
Talk to me about your friends, Hattie.
Do they do as much work as you do?
I don't know.
I don't reckon they do.
Now, I need to go over to Dad here.
Dad, what's been going on?
How have you been setting this much work to Hattie?
You know, my expectations for my daughter are really high.
And because I'm a teacher, I kind of have you know those expectations that she achieve as well as she can achieve.
So I just feel that she should work really hard all the time and not have fun.
All the time.
You're a teacher as well, are you telling me?
Yeah.
So are you teaching your actual class and teaching Hattie as well at home?
No, I'm a supply teacher, so my wife and I are both on a sabbatical, shall we say.
So does that mean though, that now you're not working as much, you're taking it out on poor Hattie, you're giving her extra work to do.
I wouldn't say that, but I'm still keeping myself abreast of all the latest developments and maybe using my daughter to help implement them.
Yes,
This is, yeah, this is a bigger case than I realised.
I'm blowing this case wide open here.
Now, Hattie, you did provide me with some evidence, a little piece of paper, a worksheet you had.
Can you talk me through it?
One with a multiplication, which Dad made me do.
I saw this worksheet.
And so, Dad, I want to test you on one of the questions, please.
OK, so there are two numbers that both round to 50 to the nearest 10.
Obviously, you'll know that.
The total of them is 99.
What two numbers could they be?
So it rounds to 99.
They both round to 50.
Yeah, the total is 99.
And they both round to 50.
Yeah, you should get this like this.
This was Hattie's homework.
You set her.
Taking you a little while here.
45.
No, hold on.
I feel like I've caught your dad out here, Hattie.
Do you like this?
It's 91, 92, so 40... Oh, hold on.
45 and 48.
No.
Really, Dad?
49 and 49 is 98, so it can't work.
According to the homework that Hattie sent to me, you've got to think outside the box here, Dad.
You've got around... 49 and 50, in which case it would work to 99.
Exactly.
Or you could have had 48 and 51.
Oh, yeah, they go above 50.
Hattie, how do you feel?
I've just exposed your dad's terrible maths work there.
Woo!
All right, well, I'm ready to make my judgment.
I think that has been very helpful to my evidence.
Case number two.
I feel like you and I are very good at being fair, but right now I think it's clear what side we're gonna come down on.
Do you know what?
Hattie's dad, not a fan of you.
Nope.
We're not going to be friends ever.
We don't like you.
Sorry, sorry.
If you ever need a favour, don't ring me, mate.
I'm not into Hattie's dad.
What's all that about?
Three hours?
You've been at school all day.
Come on, you've got three hours of homework.
I'll be like, no, dad, not doing it.
Let's try and be fair here.
He only wants the best for Hattie.
He wants Hattie to do well at school, to get a good job, so she can buy whatever she wants.
That's lovely.
Three hours, though.
Come on, i didn't do three hours of homework and look where i ended up doing this, so it'll be fine hattie, don't worry about it.
Okay, you've changed my mind, hattie.
It might be worth doing the homework, because is this what you want?
Sorry sorry, let's get the verdict.
Hattie, can you give me your, your final statement?
What do you think?
What would you like me to do here?
I would like you to punish him with seven rounds of hide and seek and half of my work.
Daddy's really thought this through.
Why seven rounds of hide and seek out of interest?
Any reason for that number?
Because I did say six, because I was being generous and I was like no, I'm not being generous in this.
I'm going seven and half my work.
He's going to do half your work.
Interesting.
OK, Dad, how would you feel about that ruling and that judgment?
Well, from listening to you and having this conversation, I didn't go back to school.
Lucky you say that, Ed, because I've made my ruling.
I've made my judgment.
And so, Hattie, you said you wanted to play seven rounds of hide and seek.
I, much like the homework you gave me, I'm going to round it up.
We're going to round up to ten.
We've got...
All right, Dad's going to give 10 games of hide and seek.
More importantly, Hattie, now this is controversial here.
I think you can give your dad homework.
That's the ruling.
Yay!
Dad, I'm going to give you a lot of hard things.
I'm the teacher now.
Here we go.
I've made a new teacher for the day.
What would be your first homework piece that you would give your dad, Hattie?
You have to do 100 sums.
Can I be rounding?
No.
So that's my ruling for today.
Ten rounds of hide and seek.
Dad loses.
Hattie wins.
And I believe that is a lot of maths homework for Dad in his downtime.
So congratulations, Dad.
Thank you so much.
So Connor and I have been lucky enough to catch up with Judge Becks after that ruling.
Judge Becks, has that been the easiest case you've ever had to work on?
Great question.
It was one of the easiest because the evidence presented to me was wonderful.
So thank you to Hattie for that.
Giving me the worksheets gave me something to work from, so to speak.
But it also meant catching her dad out in court, you know, in front of the jury.
That was quite a sweet moment for me.
And I was very happy with my ruling.
Judge Bex, I'm in awe of you.
Do you know why?
Because you absolutely laid it out to the dad there.
He was in the wrong from the very start.
How much homework is that for Hattie?
Insane, right?
It was three hours of homework.
And I just thought to myself I can't let anybody have three hours of homework after they've been at school all day.
And I suspected, I did suspect that given the worksheet...
I didn't think her dad would be able to do it, because sometimes grown-ups have a thing of giving homework away but not being able to do it themselves.
And I thought I just had to check him out.
Just had to double check.
Is there a time that would have been acceptable if she'd come with 30 minutes of homework?
Would that have been allowed?
Yeah, 30 minutes I would have said yes to.
That's okay.
That's understandable.
But for me, three hours was two and a half hours too long.
Well, it sounds like you really enjoyed the case, as you should.
Thank you very much for your time, Judge Beck's.
And those are today's cases.
Really tough cases today.
Tough cases.
Judge Beck's sleeping well tonight.
Yeah, big well done to her.
And if you want more Judge Beck's, be sure to follow us on Apple, Spotify or the Fun Kids app or wherever you get your podcasts.
And if you want to leave a review, if you want to have a say on the verdict, you can do that in the reviews.
See you on the next Judge Beck's.
