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Elizabeth, you know that this year I am hosting Thanksgiving for the second time.
Huge bucket list for me.
And one of the things that makes it easier to prepare for any kind of big gathering whether it's Thanksgiving or Friendsgiving or any kind of celebration is knowing that you can go to one place that you know you're going to get high standards and good prices.
And this is why I love going to Whole Foods Market.
I can look for the 365 brand and I know that I'm going to get everything that I need and want for a good price, with the quality that I can count on.
Yeah, they have everything from low-price quality turkey to pantry essentials.
And Gretchen, I have to add frozen appetizers, which are perfect for someone like me who is not a great cook.
I love to get the quiche trio, their butterfly shrimp and breaded calamari.
It's all so easy to prepare and so delicious.
Enjoy so many ways to save on your Thanksgiving spread at Whole Foods Market.
Hello, we're here for More Happier, a podcast where we get happier.
It's the weekend.
It's more observations and reflections with a little bit of a looser vibe.
Hey, Elizabeth.
Hi, Gretchen.
Today we'll talk about the challenge of choosing a one-word theme for the year and the surprising value of gossip.
But first, something making us happier.
Alyssa, what is something that is making you happier?
Okay Gretchen, I have mentioned my survivor fantasy league that I am, in which I think I might have even said at one point was making me happier, which it absolutely is.
Well, we are having a finale watch party at a place called Vitello's in Studio City.
And I am so excited to go and watch with the group.
I haven't met anyone.
I mean, there's like a couple of people I know just for random reasons.
But I basically have been in a WhatsApp group with everybody talking about Survivor this whole season and I haven't met them.
I have so many questions.
So first, how many people are we talking about?
Well, I'm not sure.
That's a good question.
I think there's probably like 60 people in the group, but a lot of them are on the East Coast.
Oh, okay.
Yes, it is a bi-coastal group.
So I'm not sure how many people will be at the watch party.
I'm thinking at least 20.
And do you have a sense of like, this person is connected to this personality?
Like, have they emerged as full-blown individuals to you?
Or is it just... a constant stream of chatter where you just join in the conversation?
A bit of both, yes.
Several people have emerged with a certain personality.
You know the people who comment the most obviously.
Yeah.
I'm less clear of who they are.
But, of course, meeting them will really help.
And then next season is Survivor 50, which is a huge deal.
It's the 50th season.
So that's going to be like this epic...
So it'll be really nice to meet some of the people before then so that when we go through Survivor 50 I know who's who.
And how long has this group been in existence?
I think several years.
You know this is my second season, but I think they've been together some of them, for you know many seasons.
Yeah.
So what is this place?
Is this like a restaurant bar type place?
Yes, it is a restaurant in Studio City.
It's actually famous because it is where Robert Blake and his wife ate dinner right before she was killed.
But it is a famous neighborhood place with an upstairs room.
I think that they're going to give us for the watch party.
Yeah.
And will people wear name tags, do you think?
I don't know.
And I was even thinking, Gretchen, I don't have any survivor gear.
And you know, I like to wear gear.
Elizabeth, you got to get on that.
I know.
And so is it like, I don't even know how all this works.
Is it like, were you backing a specific person?
Like on your name tag would you say like this is my name and this is, or?
It doesn't work like that.
Well, you could, but yes, we all had our picks.
Now, mine, unfortunately, was out the very first week.
Oh, okay.
Well played.
So I have been out of the game since week one.
Okay.
Then every week we pick our boot pick, meaning who do you think is going to go home this week?
I've had more success there.
Oh, I see.
But I don't know.
I don't know what it's going to be like.
But I definitely need to get some gear to wear to this event.
No, absolutely.
So my final question is, because I have never been to a finale party, but I love the idea.
And I know you've been to several.
The tension that I would worry about is that.
If you're with a bunch of people, you want to talk to them, but aren't you literally watching the finale?
What is the etiquette on the actual watching of it?
Yes, we're meeting at 7 so that we can chat.
It starts at 8.
You can talk during commercials, but I think there will be an etiquette to be pretty quiet during the actual show.
I love a finale party.
So, like the Game of Thrones finale party, literally everybody falls silent and just watches together.
Yes.
Interesting.
One of my favorite ideas because I just love the name of it so much our founding producer, Henry Malofsky, who we love so much I think it was he who told me that way back in the early days of podcasts.
You know, there was the enormously popular and influential show Serial.
And he said a bunch of podcast people, audio people would get together and listen to it for the first time.
You know, you can listen to it whenever you want.
Obviously, it's not like a TV show.
But they would play it out loud and everybody would listen while they ate breakfast cereal.
So it was like a brunch thing and you would eat with cereal and cereal.
That's so funny.
I thought that was so fun.
I think it was Henry who told me about it.
So I love this idea of watching together or experiencing something together and making it into a party situation.
It's so fun.
Yeah.
And then, you know, you're with a bunch of people who want to talk about it.
So it's super fun.
This is a thing.
It's a bunch of strangers, but you can instantly talk to any of them because it's like who did you pick and what happened to them?
And how are you doing?
And what do you think?
And what's going to happen next year?
You just have so much to talk about.
And big prop scratch to Amanda Pally, who's the person who organizes this entire thing.
It's a lot of work.
Yeah.
And she also organized the party.
So I give her a big gold star.
Yes, that does deserve a big gold star.
Yes.
Somebody's got to be in charge, as we have discussed.
As we've said, sometimes you have to agree.
I'm going to be the one that's going to herd the cats on this.
Yeah.
But how about you?
What's making you happier?
Well, mine is kind of related in that it's about group cheer, though I was not myself a participant.
So recently was the New York City Marathon, which is a huge thing in New York City.
So many people participate.
So many people watch. and make signs, and it's very disruptive because they close down all these roads and it's just a big thing, but there is a huge level of inconvenience, but the enthusiasm for the runners and the pride in the New York City Marathon is so high.
I have many friends who have run it multiple times, But this year it was kind of interesting because I was landing.
I was in Kentucky and I was returning from Kentucky and right in the middle of when the runners were running.
And so I was like, I have no idea how that's going to go.
So I took a subway back from the airport and which was really fun because it was full of people who obviously had gone to cheer someone on and then now were going on somewhere else.
So they had balloons, they had signs.
It was too early, so there were no actual marathoners.
The bonkers thing.
You will see them walking around with their silver blanket and their thing around their neck.
You see them walking to the subway and then taking the subway home.
So I'm like, I would expect stretchers.
Yes.
Yes.
Ride a horse back to your apartment.
How can you walk back after running the marathon?
But it's funny.
But this was all of the supporters.
It was packed.
Here it was a Sunday midday.
Usually there wouldn't be a lot of people on the subway.
It was packed, packed, packed.
But it just reminded me, I love New York City.
I love New York City spirit.
And even though it was kind of a major inconvenience for everybody, we love it.
We embrace it.
We welcome the runners.
We're so proud of everybody who runs.
It's something that just makes you happy to be with other people.
Yeah, Gretchen, you know what this is reminding me of?
When we were on our happier live tour.
When we landed in Chicago it was during a marathon and we could not get to our hotel.
That was very funny.
It took about an hour and a half to navigate to our hotel.
Yes.
No, and we were very indignant that we hadn't been informed.
It's like, who's going to tell you?
But you feel like there should be some warning that flashes up, that says like by the way, do you know that this giant marathon is going on?
Yes, exactly that, Elizabeth.
Because at first we weren't really paying attention.
Then it's like, wait a minute.
Something's going on.
Something's going on.
What's happening?
I was like, oh, by the way, there's a marathon.
Yes.
I personally would not want to run a marathon, but I absolutely support everybody who does.
My friend Corrine did it for her 40th birthday, and I was still in awe of it.
It's a major accomplishment.
I think for many people, it's a bucket list thing.
What's even more surprising to me is like I have friends who have done like 17 marathons and I just—.
Bonkers.
Yes.
Okay, Gretch, coming up, there's something I've been meaning to ask you, but first, this break.
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You know, Alyssa, two things that we talk about all the time.
One is the importance of relationships in a happier life and also holding onto memories, often through photographs, in a way that these two things combined is through holiday cards, because holiday cards do so much to connect us with the people that we love.
And staying connected with those people during the holidays can feel so meaningful, but it can also feel like a lot of work.
And so then it's easy to let the tradition of sending cards slide because it feels overwhelming.
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Okay, Alyssa, if there's something you've been meaning to ask me, what is your question?
Okay, well, as we look ahead, 2026 is around the corner.
So, of course, I've started thinking about what is my word going to be for 2026.
Just in case people don't know, every year we do Design Your Year, which is a whole big thing.
One thing is you do your list, like 26 for 26, because it's 26 things you want to get done in 2026.
There will be a challenge that we will give ourselves and listeners, which is yet to be revealed.
And then you and I always pick a one-word theme.
So that's what you're talking about is the one-word theme.
Okay, continue.
So this word, my theme is bounce because I wanted to bounce into the future, bounce back.
Bounce is positive and it's propulsive.
Kinetic.
Kangaroo was your symbol.
Yes.
Kangaroo was my symbol.
I had my wonderful kangaroo mug because kangaroos bounce.
But I am stumped on a word for 2026.
So I'm wondering, do you have ways or exercises for me to do to come up with the perfect word?
Well, let's review our words.
I think that's the first thing is to think about what you've had in the past, just to kind of loosen up your mind, to get you back into that zone.
So I will remind you that you have picked because we've been doing this a long time now.
I didn't realize how long it's been.
So your words were free time style Hot Wheels novel, which you had double meanings home control, Number six which, by the way, now you've crushed because your blood sugar is under control so well.
Lighter, butterfly, step one. book, and then this year is bounce.
And mine upgrade bigger, lighten up repurpose, delegate infrastructure growth, open salt wave door.
My words have been getting a lot better as we've been going along.
Okay, so here are a few of my suggestions.
Okay.
I think words that are powerful words are better.
So the word step. is better than the word delegate.
Though delegate was a really important word, maybe there's a more metaphorical or powerful way.
It's kind of a jargony word.
So I think a word that has multiple meanings, if you can do that.
Novel had multiple meanings.
Step had meanings.
For me, wave had meanings.
Salt ended up being a super great theme for me because salt is good.
Salt sweetens bitter things.
It cleanses.
It's associated with tears.
It's associated with the ocean.
It makes sour things sweeter.
It's the only rock we eat.
It used to be super precious, but now it's very available.
So it just had a million meanings.
But maybe those are better ideas when you're sort of narrowing it down.
But you're stumped at the beginning.
Yes, I don't know. what I want in the year that's sort of different from what I want now.
And part of this may just be because I'm it's not.
It still feels like I've got a lot to accomplish for the rest of the year.
I don't know, but it's like, what could I think about now?
So it's that you sort of can't foresee, feels like there's so much left in 2025, you can't project yourself into 2026, or you feel like— Well, I'm just positing.
Maybe that's the reason why.
Sure.
Because normally I just stop, I think I ponder.
A word just sort of comes to me in almost like a poetic fashion.
Yeah.
And I just know that's the word.
And this year, I'm just blank.
So it's not the fact that you're sort of like oh, I want the same things for next year as I wanted for this year.
You can't figure that out yet.
I don't know.
I'm just wondering how do I figure it out?
I think it's the kind of thing where you just have to keep surfacing it and thinking.
Because I know what you mean.
I had two words that I was thinking of.
One was like a more intensely pleasurable word and one that was more transcendent.
And so I had to decide which vibe did I think I wanted to lean into more in 2026.
And so I picked the more transcendent one, which I will not yet reveal.
But do you feel like you want something more on the fun whimsical energetic, or more on the full of transcendent and timeless beauty?
You know, that is a good question.
I was actually pondering even the word beauty for a word.
Oh.
Because I was interested in looking good and in appreciating the beauty in my life and the beauty around me.
But I decided beauty just, I don't know, wasn't...
Enough.
Wasn't quite right.
Wasn't quite right.
Well, then there's also, you could build on that.
So you could have the one like look or notice.
Those aren't fun words, though.
See, I do like to have a word like butterfly.
It's just a fun word.
You like to think about a butterfly.
I like a word that has some effervescence, I guess.
Is there a symbol, like an animal or an item that captures that?
Like I always think dolphin is a really good because dolphins are playful but they're also intellectual.
They're graceful.
They're energetic.
Is there anything like that that calls to you?
See, that's an interesting suggestion.
Think about the symbol.
Mm-hmm.
And then pick the word.
Maybe I'll try that approach.
But I want to be specific.
You know, I don't want to just be like, oh, light and beautiful.
It's got to be something that has some teeth.
You know, it's got to be meaty.
I can't just pick a word.
Sure, sure, sure.
No, you want something specific.
I think with each of us, there's kind of that feeling like, ooh, this is it.
Yeah.
But I like the suggestion of thinking of a symbol, maybe first, because normally I think of the word and then I land on a symbol to go with it.
Yeah.
So I'll take that approach and I'll let you know how it works.
Well, I will say, we got that weekend house and I was trying to think of well, what do I want it to be?
What do I want the vibe to be?
And then I realized lake.
You know how everything is core now, like cottage core or castle core or whatever.
So it's like lake core.
So it's like, are there frogs?
Yes.
Are there cattails?
Yes.
It's lake.
But it wouldn't be a good one-word symbol because it doesn't hold anything for me.
Though for somebody else, it could be a good word.
It is interesting, Alyssa, because usually you have these effortlessly.
I remember with Step, you wordsmithed it, but you knew what you wanted it to be.
Yeah, that was a little bit of a process.
But that was like step into the future, step, move, and walk.
Okay, well, I think even just by putting it in your mind.
Yeah, I think you're right.
Surfacing it often and thinking about it also in terms of a symbol.
Those two things, I think, will help.
So listeners, if you have any suggestions, like are there questions that you ask yourself?
Are there exercises that you do or recommend that help with this, because it's surprisingly powerful, don't you think, Elizabeth?
Yes, and it's such a big part of my kind of getting ready for the year.
Yeah.
And it brings me so much pleasure throughout the year just to revisit it and think about it.
So I don't want to just pick any old word.
You know, it's very important to me.
And you need a word where there is a visual for it.
I think you and I both experienced that.
That is much more satisfying when there is a way to visualize it.
Well, your wave, remember wave was such a good one because then everybody would send.
The great wave.
Yeah, that was great.
Who knew that that is now the most often reproduced image?
Now I go see it whenever there's an exhibit of that, of any of those, the works of Hokusai.
I go see them and I have a claim on his work, which I love so much.
So yeah, that was great.
But like growth, that wasn't a very good word.
I wanted growth.
Growth was important, but I should have done more to make that, bring that to life.
Yes, it should have been like beanstalk or something.
Well, that's a good one, Elizabeth, right there.
It doesn't resonate with me, you know.
It's a good word, but not necessarily for me.
It's got to be very personal.
Right.
All right, Gretchen, what is our spotlight on a tool this week?
Okay, you and I both love books and we will often give books as gifts and we will request to get books as gifts.
And I am partnering with Bookshop to provide a way for people to find the perfect book to give us a gift for the holiday season.
And I would love to hear... everyone's recommendations.
What are their favorite books?
What do they love the most?
What do they give the most?
Submit them at happiercast.com slash read 25 at 25.
And very soon I will send out the full list of recommendations.
Oh my gosh, that is going to be a long list.
I know.
Love it.
That is so fun.
I can't wait to get that list.
All right, coming up, there is something you've been meaning to tell me, but first this break.
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Gretchen way back when I started my other podcast, Happier in Hollywood, you told me Elizabeth, start a website.
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Not for a long time.
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All right, Gretchen, what have you been meaning to tell me?
Okay, I have been thinking about the value of gossip.
That's interesting because I don't think of gossip being associated with value.
Usually it's a negative.
That is true.
Gossip has a very bad reputation.
There's even an old saying that great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events and small minds discuss people.
But actually...
Talking about people who are not present, which is gossip, is a ubiquitous feature of human communication.
We spend about an hour a day gossiping.
And what the research shows is that gossip actually has many positive consequences.
Like, you don't want to gossip if you're spreading a hurtful rumor or you're wasting time.
But it can help us feel closer to each other.
It can help us understand the values of our community.
It unifies people.
It can expose misbehavior.
And often gossip, it turns out, is just neutral.
It's just newsy.
It's just like, oh, these people are going to sell their house or whatever.
What I realized is that I want Jamie and me to be gossiping more, because the thing about gossip is when you know people in common.
That's when it's really satisfying.
And Jamie and I often will because of our work and just various things.
We will often do social things or things after work separately.
And I'm thinking we really need to socialize together more.
And then we'll have more to gossip about, because we will share more relationships and more people in common.
So really for me, wanting to embrace gossip is really like I want to embrace, really trying to socialize with Jamie more.
That totally resonates with me.
I would love to be able to gossip more with Adam.
And the same thing, I do a lot of my socializing on my own.
So I'll gossip with the people who I've been socializing with.
But I would like to also be able to gossip with him in a nice way.
Yeah, you don't want to be like nasty.
It's just more sharing information.
That's one of our favorite things to do when we're home is sit with mom and dad and just gossip about the people we know.
Again, not in a negative way, but just like, oh, so-and-so is doing this and this person went to...
Yes.
Europe for spring break.
And this person did that.
It's just fun.
And it is community building in that way.
It is.
And you're right to say that it is fun, because what the research shows is that oxytocin, which is known as the love hormone,
You know, it's associated with pleasure, cooperation, positive feelings.
And what the studies show is that when people are gossiping, their levels increase significantly in comparison to non-gossip conversation, even if it's emotional non-gossip conversation.
There's just something in us.
Humans are—we are very, very social creatures.
We're among the most social creatures on the planet.
And this is part of how we maintain these bonds is that we're intensely interested in what other people are doing and saying and thinking and feeling and watching and being interested in.
And I use the word gossip because I think it's kind of a spicy word.
It's more about newsiness.
What's the news?
But that makes me think that there does need to be another word for this.
Because it's not just news.
Because if you've socialized with someone, then it's about observations, right?
Sharing observations.
Like, oh, so-and-so really seems to like their new job.
Yes.
So and so seems unhappy with this.
I guess that falls more on the traditional gossip side.
But I do think there could be room for a new word for the scrunch.
Well, and also there's kind gossip where you're like well, you know, somebody has seemed really down lately.
Have you noticed that?
What could be going on?
As a friend.
You're exchanging information because you're trying to understand if somebody needs help.
So in a way you could say well, it's negative gossip because you're saying something negative about somebody behind their back, but it's all about the intention.
So you're right.
It's too bad that the word gossip has this... nasty spreading rumors aspect to it.
Whereas, in fact, a lot of times it is like, oh my gosh, she seems so happy with her new husband or it's so excited.
They have a new puppy or whatever.
Oh, Gretchen and Jamie seem somewhat overwhelmed by their new puppy.
I think they're kind of stressed out.
You'd be like, oh, you noticed that.
What a good friend.
Yeah.
It's really just like noticing things in people is interesting.
And it also sometimes illuminates things in ourselves.
So there is a value.
Exactly.
Exactly.
And then I just, I really do want to make a point.
Part of my design your year list is to really aim for us to socialize more together, because I think we'll have more gossip and we'll have more fun.
And we'll have more friends in common.
And that's all good.
Yes.
Okay.
I'm all for it, Gretch.
All right.
All right.
What is our quotation this week?
This quotation comes from T.H.
White's novel, The Sword in the Stone.
And this is when the sorcerer Merlin tells the future King Arthur the best thing for being sad is to learn something.
That is the only thing which the mind can never exhaust, never alienate, never be tortured by, never fear or distrust, and never dream of regretting.
That especially, is good for me this week Gretch, because I feel like I'm very stressed about work right now.
And so I'm listening to a book about the American Revolution because it's countering my stress, learning something new.
That's a beautiful response.
So Elizabeth, are you feeling happier?
Yes, I am feeling happier.
Thank you to Chuck.
And if you haven't subscribed to Lemonada Premium yet, now is the perfect time.
Just tap that subscribe button on Apple Podcasts or go to LemonadaPremium.com.
Bye, Grudge.
Bye, Elizabeth.
The best time to start a happiness project is 20 years ago.
The second best time is now.
You know what I have queued up to read next, Scratch?
Oh, what?
The Thorn Birds.
Remember The Thorn Birds?
Oh, yes.
I watched the miniseries.
I don't think I ever actually read it.
So I've decided now is the time.
Well, that'll be many hours of listening, as I recall.
That is a very long book.
Yes.
From the Onward Project.
Hi, Gretchen.
Craig Robinson and my little sister Michelle here.
We host a new podcast called IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson.
We know you're the queen of giving advice, so we wanted to get a few tips from you.
Gretchen, a lot of our listeners are going through some major life changes.
What advice do you have for folks who are trying to stay grounded in the midst of major life transitions?
Craig and Michelle, I am so happy to be talking to you.
Here are a few questions that might help us gain perspective.
So consider questions like this.
What activities take up my time but are not particularly useful or stimulating for me?
Do I spend a lot of time on something that's important to someone else but is not very important to me?
If I could magically change one habit in my life, what would I choose?
And here's a question.
Would I like to have more time in solitude restorative solitude or would I like to have more time with friends?
You know, just thinking about questions like this can help us start to figure out how we might make our lives happier.
With greater self-knowledge, we're better able to make hard decisions that reflect ourselves, our own nature, our own interests, our own values.
In my own case, I have found that the more my life reflects my nature, the happier I get and the more grounded I feel when I'm going through a period of major change or transition.
For more great advice, search for IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson wherever you get podcasts.
You can listen to Issa Rae on letting go of certain friendships, Kiki Palmer on why disappointment is actually the key to career success, Seth and Lauren Rogan on caring for aging parents, and so many more.