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Alyssa, when we're together for the holidays, we end up going to Whole Foods Market every day.
There's so many things that we need.
Like we're going to a party and one of us needs to bring a gift for the host.
They have these expert curated cheeses and crackers that everybody loves.
They have excellent limited-time seasonal desserts, like holiday rum cake, creamy bouche de Noël, which is one of our family's favorites, and more.
Plus, they have these show-stopping things for the table like bone-in spiral-cut ham.
Well Gretchen, I love that they have heat and eat sides from the prepared foods department, because you know that I am not much of a cook.
So heat and serve is something I can do.
And they have floral, Gretchen.
So you can bring a nice bouquet of flowers if you're going to someone's house.
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Hello, we're here for more Happier, a podcast where we get happier.
Join us for some weekend listening.
It's observations and reflections, but with a looser vibe.
Hey, Elizabeth.
Hey, Grinch.
Today we'll talk about a photo hack from Elizabeth that made me laugh out loud and a question to ask yourself that can help you make a tough decision.
But first, something making us happier.
Elizabeth, what's something making you happier?
Well, Gretch, one thing I have realized over the holiday season is how much I love gift lists.
I don't know if I really knew this about myself.
Yeah.
But I love perusing a gift list, whether I have any intention of buying something or not.
Mm-hmm.
And do you like it when it comes from a person, like it's somebody's sub stack writer and it's their gift list, or even if it was a major brand or a big store's gift list?
Do you distinguish?
Yes, I definitely prefer it if it's from someone specific.
So if it's from like there's a sub stack I like called the love list.
And if it's from her, I'll know that there'll be interesting things to see on the list.
And it just gives me like a window into things I would never see otherwise.
I think a lot of this is because we do so much less shopping in person now.
So you're not browsing.
You tend to be looking for things.
So it's kind of like a gift list is a way to browse.
For instance, one list I looked at had an item called personalized candlesticks.
And I thought, well, what is that?
Yeah.
And, sure enough, I clicked on it and there are candlesticks you can order that they will make to sort of look like a person.
And I thought well, what a fun gift that would be to someone who just got engaged.
You know his and her personalized candlesticks.
You love a personalized gift.
That is your thing.
You love personalization.
Yeah.
I can't even envision what a personalized candlestick is like.
I'm intrigued.
Well, you could if you had looked at this gift list.
And you know what I'll do sometimes Gretchen is.
I'll take a screenshot of something where it says the name so that I know later I can go back and find it if I really want to look for a gift.
Because that is an issue of just finding then what you've discovered over these many gift lists.
Now, let me ask you this on the other side of things.
Do you feel like it makes you more consumerist or more acquisitive to look at these gift lists, or not really?
I think for me it does not because, like you, I'm an underbuyer.
You know, I have a high bar to actually buy something.
Uh-huh.
So, no, I don't.
I do think that would be something that could happen to many others.
Like Sarah, my writing partner is probably someone who she shouldn't look at gift lists because she will say, oh well, that does sound like a great product.
I should get that.
Whereas I'll say wow, that looks like a great product, and I'll take a screenshot and then think about it for months.
Mm-hmm.
I won't just buy impulsively.
Right.
Really ever, rarely.
Well, this is a good example of the idea that something could be a healthy treat for one person and not a healthy treat for another person.
Because, you know, we talk about the importance of giving ourselves healthy treats, because when we give more to ourselves, we can ask more from ourselves.
So it's really helpful to give yourself a lot of healthy treats.
And this is something where for you, it's a healthy treat.
You enjoy it.
You get that browsing.
Like what in the world do people come up with that kind of fun feeling?
And then maybe you'll come across the perfect gift to give to somebody in six months.
So for you, it is a healthy treat.
Whereas for someone else it might really tip them into impulse purchasing that they would really come to regret.
And so it's a good example of...
You really have to think about yourself and whether something is going to be something that makes you happier or, in the end, doesn't really make you happier.
Yeah.
And Gretchen.
I would just add to this thing that makes me happier is I've also found over the years that making gift lists makes me happier.
I love how we make a gift list.
Sarah and I make a gift list.
And then throughout the year, it makes me really pay attention to what I like.
And that enhances the experience just of living.
So yeah, I do love a gift list.
That's great.
I love that you love a gift list.
I had not thought of that.
Now I think I'm going to consider gift lists in a different frame of mind the next time I dive into the gift list territory.
I like making gift lists because I love suggesting things.
Yes.
If I say to somebody, you're going to love this, and then they get it.
And you know how I can get really pushy with things like the bandolier?
I would like badger strangers trying to get them to get a bandolier.
Or my external screen or my electric foot warmer.
Remember when I went through that period of the electric hard-boiled egg cooker?
Yes, of course.
I was really pushing that hard.
Because I love that feeling of I'm suggesting something that's going to make you happy.
So I like making a gift list for that reason.
But I don't enjoy reading them as much.
But maybe I will now that you've reframed it for me.
Yes.
On the bandolier front.
I have stood there with strangers and taken them to the bandolier site and watched them browse there.
And if people don't know what a bandolier is Well, and actually I think Apple is coming out with its own version of this, which is going to be interesting to see if that takes off.
But it's basically like a smartphone case that then you wear around your neck.
And mine also has a pocket on it where I have credit cards and my like a little bit of cash and my insurance card.
But you just walk around with your phone around your neck.
I walk around my apartment with my phone around my neck.
At all times.
If I'm moving, the bandolier is on.
Yeah.
But what about you, Gretch?
What's making you happier?
Oh, well, this is something that I realized I get a big kick out of.
So, you know, I go to the Metropolitan Museum every day.
And one of the things that I love about going every single day is you really notice how things are different at different times.
Yeah.
And there are days I think it's usually a Monday or a Tuesday where big groups of school children will come in.
So I'll walk over there and I'll see the big yellow buses and I'll walk around and there'll be like 15 kids sitting cross-legged on the floor drawing, or 20 kids gathered around a docent who's telling them about Degas or ancient Egypt or whatever.
And, you know, they're always kind of paying attention, kind of horsing around.
When they're moving from place to place, they're really loud and chattering.
And you can just tell they're so excited.
And this makes me think of the joy of the field trip.
Because when you're young, the idea that you have a field trip, it's so great.
You're out of the usual routine of school.
You're going someplace interesting, or at least different, even if you don't find it that interesting.
It always just felt very special and elevated.
I would look forward to it for so long in advance.
And there's just that feeling of the field trip.
And Alyssa.
I think the closest that I've come to the feeling of the field trip as an adult lately is our reading retreat.
That to me had field trip energy.
Maybe because we just turned ourselves over to it.
There was nothing really more to be done once we got where we were going.
In the way that a field trip it's like somebody's leading you around and being like look at this, look at that.
You're not making plans.
You're not looking at a map yourself.
Being self-guided is great, but sometimes it's really nice not to be self-guided.
Anyway, it just makes me happy to think of all these kids and they're having their field trips and that they're having a great time in this beautiful museum that I love so much.
And it's interesting.
You often will read accounts of adults when they will say I remember the time when my school trip went to the Museum of Natural History and I realized how fascinating rocks were.
Or I remember when we went on the field trip to the Nelson-Atkins Museum and I realized how much I wanted to study sculpture or whatever.
There are moments in adult life where these can be fascinating.
Very transformative.
And I don't think we recognize it from the outside.
I don't think you see the light bulb going on over some little kid's head, but it might be.
And at the very least, they're having fun.
Yeah, Gretch, I totally share this.
And also I've noticed that when I get a permission slip for Jack you know, sign a permission slip because they're going on this field trip I'll get a jolt of excitement from his field trip.
Even if I'm not a chaperone, which I haven't been since grade school, I'm excited that he's going somewhere.
I feel like that crackling energy of field trip.
So I think you're absolutely right.
There's something about it that just feels like anything could happen and yet it feels very safe.
Yes.
Yeah.
Okay.
So side note, do you enjoy being a field trip chaperone?
No, it is too much responsibility.
I mean, I was like...
Oh my gosh.
I don't have the temperament to stay calm.
I know.
I always signed up if I could because I always wanted to do it if I could.
But I know I was always just, oh my gosh, I just have to be alert at every second.
And it's not like anything is even happening.
But yeah, I did have that feeling of, oh my goodness, this is a heavy mantle that I wear, of responsibility.
Yes.
Yes.
Before COVID, Adam was set to go on the two or three day trip with the kids.
He was one of the parents.
Maybe there were six or eight parents.
And I was like, wow, that's going to be an experience.
But sadly, the trip got canceled and they never redid it.
So he didn't get that experience.
Yeah.
Well, let's throw a drive-by gold star at the parents who do the overnight chaperoning, because that is truly next level parenting.
I have to say, I never consider doing that.
I'm not cut out for that.
But wait, there's something else making me happier, which is my own course.
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There's going to be a kickoff call.
I cannot wait for that.
I always, as you know, listen.
Nothing makes me happier than talking to people about what they want to do to make themselves happier.
We are only a few days away from the new year.
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I'm really looking forward to it.
It's going to be super fun.
Yes, I'm sure we'll hear from a lot of listeners about ways that the course is making them happier.
Yes.
Okay, Gretchen, coming up, there's something you've been meaning to ask me about a photo technique.
But first, this break.
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OK, Gretchen, we're back.
There's something you've been meaning to ask me.
OK, listen, you sent me this photo of you with some friends and it was very funny.
I mean I laughed out loud when I saw it and you were like, oh yeah, we were doing this thing to get a good photo and it didn't really work.
Now, it really worked and it made a hilarious photograph, but I don't think it was the effect that you were going for.
But then I forgot to follow up and ask you, what were you trying to do?
Okay.
So this is what I would call, I guess, a TikTok phenomenon called prancing.
I mean, how much I love the word prancing already.
Anything prancing, sign me up.
So what is this prancing?
So the idea is to get a good photo with friends where you look like you're having fun and smiling and natural.
You're not just all sitting there, you know, posed and stiff.
Yeah.
Yeah, that you should get in a row.
Now you can't do it too many people or it starts to get hard, which we discovered and potentially link arms and move toward the camera, prancing and laughing.
And the idea is the person should take a lot of pictures and they capture you all, not looking like you're prancing, but just like you're walking or moving and smiling, and that it's supposed to look very natural.
Okay.
So I think the reason that you're supposed to link arms is because otherwise you would be tempted to have your hand in front of your chest in that prancing like I am prancing.
Right, right.
You're like your Rudolph.
Okay.
Yeah.
But wait.
And so explain how this played out in practice.
I get the concept.
So I had some friends over and we were like, let's try to do a prancing photo.
Who knew about it?
Who knew about it?
Everybody.
Oh, everybody.
We all knew about it.
I think I was the one who brought it up and everyone instantly was like, yes, let's prance.
Yeah.
And we had one of the husbands stand in front of us, like down, you know, quite a ways away.
And then we all got close, and then we pranced forward, you know, toward the guy with the camera.
And we did it once, and we're like, okay, these photos are terrible.
So we did it again, and again, it did not work out that way.
The photos just, they were hilarious.
But we did not look natural.
We looked the opposite of natural.
We looked like we were, you know, bananas.
So what this is making me think, because Alyssa, I know you love a party game.
A party game that would be very funny is you give somebody an action verb to enact, like prance.
And then they have to prance.
Or maybe they have to do it and you guess the word by doing the action.
Because I just think...
Just the idea that anybody's prancing is just that alone is making me laugh.
I think if I needed to take a good photograph, you know how you have to smile naturally?
And I always think of Jamie doing I Am Lord of the Dance in his boxers, which happened the first year we were married.
And I laugh about it to this day.
And he refuses to do it again.
I can think of you prancing, because I have never even seen it, but just the idea of what you would look like prancing.
I picture you with a red nose and a hairband that has reindeer ears coming out of it and then prancing.
And Gretchen, now that you're saying it, prance is a great word.
I need to add that to my list of words that I love.
Yeah.
Well, you know, what it kind of reminds me of is glazing and the way it's used with AI, which is that AI often has a tendency to be very sycophantic and complimentary in an over-the-top way.
And the term for that is glazing.
And I think that's such a funny word for that behavior.
But prancing, I mean, it just makes me think of reindeers, prancer.
It just makes me think of people just being so, so glazed. goofy.
Yeah.
It's hard not to smile when you're prancing.
Yes.
Right.
Maybe this is the kind of thing, you know, about how to fight, right?
That's one of my aims is how to fight, right?
Is if you're in the middle of a big fight, just like say okay, we're going to take a prancing break for 10 seconds.
Would Jamie do this?
No, he would not.
If he did, if even I did it, I think it would change the mood for sure.
Let me know how that goes.
I want to hear what happens when you prance in an argument.
I will report back.
And the next time I try to take your picture, Elizabeth, I'm just going to say prance.
And whether you prance or not, I think you will smile.
And also I would love to hear from listeners who have successfully been employing the Transcend technique.
Tell me what I'm missing.
Why did this not work when I did it with my friends?
Well, do you think how many people were doing it?
I think there were at least four of us.
Maybe it was just too many.
I don't know.
But nobody looked right.
Okay.
Interesting.
All right.
Okay.
All right, Gretchen, what is our spotlight on a tool this week?
Okay, my moment of happiness calendar.
It starts next week.
This is a page a day calendar.
It's, you know, how much I love a quotation.
And so this is a page a day with quotations from writers, artists, thinkers.
I love putting this together.
The 2026 version is refreshed with new quotations.
I would love for people to fill their 2026 with beautiful reflections from great thinkers about happiness and human nature.
You can get it at happiercast.com slash new.
I love a page a day calendar.
Yes well, of course, Gretchen.
This makes me think of the page a day Gary Larson calendars that we got every year for dad.
Yes.
For Christmas.
He loved Gary Larson, and he loved ripping off every day and having a new cartoon.
Yes.
Gary Larson, he does The Far Side, if you don't know it.
And they are just absolutely brilliant.
Yes.
And yeah, that was a traditional gift.
We would give him a new one every single year.
It was like, okay, that's a gift that we don't have to do any thinking of.
Yeah.
So that I think I partly inspired by our family love of page a day calendars that made me want to do a page a day calendar too.
All right.
Well, I feel like these calendars always sell out on your site.
So people should get them now.
Absolutely.
Okay.
Gretch coming up.
There's something you've been meaning to tell me, but first this break.
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Alyssa, when we're together for the holidays, we end up going to Whole Foods Market every day.
There's so many things that we need.
Like we're going to a party and one of us needs to bring a gift for the host.
They have these expert curated cheeses and crackers that everybody loves.
They have excellent limited-time seasonal desserts, like holiday rum cake, creamy bouche de Noël, which is one of our family's favorites, and more.
Plus, they have these show-stopping things for the table like bone-in spiral-cut ham.
Well Gretchen, I love that they have heat and eat sides from the prepared foods department, because you know that I am not much of a cook.
So heat and serve is something I can do.
And they have floral, Gretchen.
So you can bring a nice bouquet of flowers if you're going to someone's house.
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All right, Gretch, we are back.
Now, what have you been meaning to tell me?
You tell me so much.
I know.
Here is something you have not yet told me.
Yes.
Listen, I realize that, without intending to, we've started a series of questions about how to make a tough decision.
So, for instance, I have the idea of choose the bigger life.
If you're deciding between an apple and an orange and the pros and cons are balanced, you think well, let me choose the bigger life.
And a lot of times that really helps people make a tough decision.
Yeah.
I mean, we have heard from dozens, if not hundreds, of listeners about how choosing the bigger life has helped them make decisions.
There's also, Gretchen, step into the future, which is what I always say.
What's going to help me step into the future if I do X or Y or Z?
Yeah, and that's a great question.
And another thing that I really find in my own life, because this is something that I often will fall into.
It's a loophole that I fall into, which is the false choice, which is when I tell myself well, I have no time to go to the dentist because I'm so busy writing.
And you're like, no, you have time to go to the dentist and write.
So that's a false choice.
But sometimes I think, even with a big decision, it's like when someone says to themselves something like do I live a healthy life or do I keep up an active social life and do things that make me happy and entertained?
And you're like, well, isn't that a false choice?
Because can't you have a life full of fun and also be healthy?
So that's a false choice.
So you ask yourself, have I set up a false choice?
So Lizeth, I thought of another one.
Oh, good.
Okay.
So this came to me because our dog Barnaby was whimpering.
So Barnaby is a very relaxed dog generally.
And he had had this issue with something on his back.
And so we had made a veterinary appointment for him the next day.
But the night before his appointment, he was just whimpering.
He was just lying there calmly.
And every once in a while, he would sort of whine or whimper.
He wasn't pacing around restless, but he definitely was whimpering.
And that's something that he doesn't usually do.
And I said to Jamie, well, I wonder if he's really in pain.
I wonder if that thing hurts him.
And Jamie said, well, it doesn't look like it hurts him.
I'm like, no, but he is just whimpering and whining.
And he usually never does that.
And if he were in pain...
How would he communicate that to us?
You know I mean other than like going over to us and putting his paw on our hand and looking deep into our eyes, which he wouldn't do
So I'm like, I think that this is what it would look like if you were in pain.
I'm worried.
So he said well OK, why don't you call the emergency vet care and I'll take him, if they say he should come in.
So I call, I talk to this very nice vet and I describe what's going on.
And I'm like you know he's got an appointment in the morning and I just can't tell whether it's bad enough that we need to bring him in now.
What do you think?
And this is what she said.
And this is what I think is the really important idea.
She said well, you know over the phone I really can't advise you about how serious the problem is, but I can say that if you're worried enough to call me, you probably might want to bring him in.
And the minute she said that, I was like, obviously I should bring him in.
And here's the thing.
I'm not a worrier.
I do think there are some people who get really, really worried very, very easily.
And maybe they know that about themselves.
They know well sometimes, you know, I do tend to react very strongly or I do tend to worry about things that end up being nothing.
And people say to me that's nothing.
And yet I worry.
And then it turns out it's nothing or whatever.
That is not my experience.
My experience is I tend not to worry.
If anything, maybe I should worry more.
So when she said that, I was like, okay, I'm worried.
And that's not likely for me to do.
Therefore, we should bring him in because I am worried enough to call.
And I just thought that that was so helpful, because if you're asking, maybe you should think about the fact that you are asking, and just the question itself is the information that you need to make a decision.
Yes, that's super helpful.
And Gretchen, off topic, but I have to ask, what happened with Barnaby?
Well, so he had a cyst.
That's what we had noticed.
And it had burst.
And so that's what was causing him pain.
So he did have to have stitches.
And then he had medication for the next several days and antibiotics and pain reliever and stuff.
So it was really good that we took him in.
It was the right thing to do.
And he probably was in a lot of pain.
And with something like that, you're really better off getting it taken care of.
So it's very funny now because he's got this shaved area on this patch on his back.
It doesn't bother him anymore, but it looks very comical.
All right.
Well, I love that we are honing in on how to make hard decisions, because that's just going to keep happening in life.
Decisions happen over and over again.
So I need all the tools I can get.
I know.
If anybody has any other ones, like good questions to ask, I think there can never be enough.
One thing I find so helpful with decisions is to remember and we've talked about this that the result doesn't mean something was a good or bad decision.
You make the decision and what will happen will happen, but it could have been a good decision and not have a good result.
My father-in-law talks about that often, that you can't judge the quality of a decision by the outcome, because so many things can happen that just don't go your way.
But that doesn't mean that your process was bad or that you should have made a better decision, or that you made the wrong decision.
So yeah, that's a very helpful thing to remember.
Okay, Gretch, finally, what is our secret of adulthood this week?
Well, this is very closely related to the vet observation.
It's kind of actually the same point, but made in a different way.
So it struck me differently.
And the secret of adulthood is, with some questions, the very inclination to consider the question suggests the answer.
So I had thought of this, but not in the vet context.
So here are the examples.
For instance, for these questions, the answer is probably yes.
Am I a decent parent?
Do I have a drinking problem?
Am I carrying too much?
Should I take two trips?
Should I bring an umbrella?
Should I finally get a dog?
But for other questions, such as, are these ingredients healthy?
Should I stay up late to watch one more episode?
Or should I hit send on this angry email?
The answer is probably no.
Love that.
Especially hitting send on the angry email.
Oh, Elizabeth, we have talked about that so many times.
Don't do it.
You will never regret the email you don't send.
Don't do it.
Don't do it.
You will say, oh, I just want to get this off my chest.
I just want to get this done.
And the minute you send it, you regret it.
Yep.
So, Elizabeth, are you feeling happier?
Yes, I am feeling happier.
Thank you to Chuck.
Bye, Gretch.
Bye, Elizabeth.
The best time to start a happiness project is 20 years ago.
The second best time is now.
But Alyssa, maybe the thing about a prancing photo is it's not that it turns into a good photo, but that it just turns into such a hilariously bad photo, which is what I feel like you sent me.
But no, Gretchen, there are many good prancing photos out there.
I've seen them.
Okay.
Well, clearly there's a secret ingredient that you guys didn't know about.
Maybe listeners will tell us.
I really want to know.
And I want to prance with you the next time we're together, for sure.
Absolutely.
From the Onward Project.
Hi, Gretchen, Craig Robinson, and my little sister Michelle here.
We host a new podcast called IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson.
We know you're the queen of giving advice, so we wanted to get a few tips from you.
You know, Gretchen, a lot of our listeners are going through some major life changes.
What advice do you have for folks who are trying to stay grounded in the midst of major life transitions?
Craig and Michelle, I am so happy to be talking to you.
Here are a few questions that might help us gain perspective.
So consider questions like this.
What activities take up my time but are not particularly useful or stimulating for me?
Do I spend a lot of time on something that's important to someone else but is not very important to me?
If I could magically change one habit in my life, what would I choose?
And here's a question.
Would I like to have more time in solitude restorative solitude or would I like to have more time with friends?
You know, just thinking about questions like this can help us start to figure out how we might make our lives happier.
With greater self-knowledge, we're better able to make hard decisions that reflect ourselves, our own nature, our own interests, our own values.
In my own case, I have found that the more my life reflects my nature, the happier I get and the more grounded I feel when I'm going through a period of major change or transition.
For more great advice, search for IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson wherever you get podcasts.
You can listen to Issa Rae on letting go of certain friendships, Kiki Palmer on why disappointment is actually the key to career success, Seth and Lauren Rogan on caring for aging parents, and so many more.
