Is your dad here?
Yeah, he should be ready.
Oh, my God, he's out on the sidewalk on the phone.
Do you want me to go get him?
No, no, I don't.
Let's just, come on, let's just do this.
Mitchell, is this really how you want to get married?
Well, it's not ideal.
No, you know, people don't have any rice to throw up because they're chewing it raw out of starvation.
Half of our guests are on the lawn, and there go the sprinklers.
Okay, let's just call time of death on this.
Hey, everybody, thank you so much for dealing with all this today.
It means a lot to us, but unfortunately, this is knocking.
Stop.
You can't do this.
Yeah, I'm way ahead of you, Dad, and thank you for stopping by.
What I mean is you can't get married like this.
You two deserve the kind of wedding you've been talking about nonstop for the last nine months.
What do you mean?
You bring it up every chance that you get.
I know what nonstop means.
Trust me, okay?
Now, what are we all standing around for?
My son's getting married today.
It's what this golf club needs.
Shake it up a little.
Go on, dear.
How often do your fathers get married?
So far.
One, two... Why am I still seeing you?
Take your seat, Dad.
We're about to start.
Actually, I thought you and I would take a little walk.
I remember it like it was yesterday, the day that Mitchell came home from the hospital in a very unfashionable white diaper with three strands of scraggly Raggedy Andy hair.
If he's doing it, I'm doing it.
You coming, Barb?
You old sweet talker.
Wait for me.
We were inseparable.
I was his big sister, his big brother, his nemesis, his protector, his best friend.
I was his first partner, and I loved every minute of it.
Thank you all for being here on this happy occasion.
They say the best marriages contain just a little bit of magic.
Believe me.
I know.
We're gathered here today to join two amazing people.
So naturally, I was a little picky when it came to who was going to be replacing me.
And then I met this Cam.
And sure, he was warm and funny and loving.
Cameron, do you take Mitchell to be your husband?
I do.
Cameron, would you please place this ring on Mitchell's finger?
Mitchell, do you take Cameron to be your husband?
I do.
Then, by the powers vested in me by the state of California, I am privileged to pronounce you spouses for life.
You may now kiss your husband.
I wondered, was he really everything I wanted for my brother?
Was he really the best person?
No.
I'm the best person.
And now I am very pleased to raise a glass and introduce, for the first time ever, on our fourth try, great husbands Mitch and Cam.