Hi, welcome back to Eat Your Cress Podcast. I'm G-Soo. I'm Crystal. I'm Jonathan.
Welcome back Jonathan. Last time you were on the podcast, it was a little while ago's episode
179 and we talked about being in law school. Which was a good episode, so be sure to check that out
if anyone is interested in law school. We brought Jonathan on today to talk about mixing friend
groups. But before that, we have a Gen Z phrase to kind of talk about. And I think this one has been
popping up a decent amount, so it's like kind of popular, especially on TikTok now. The phrase is
do it for the plot. The definition for this is basically, I would describe it as Gen Z's version
of Yolo or just like, fuck it, do it. Essentially, you're telling someone to like, do it for the plot
of your life, right? So like, oh, fuck it, just do it. I think it's also an extension of do it for
the vine or do it for the snap. I remember back then, it was a really big deal to have funny
Snapchat stories, essentially. But now it's gone beyond the social media platforms and it's like
actually about our lives. Yeah. Dude, I'm not gonna lie. I thought I was young and hip and up to date.
I don't know all of this. I literally have not heard this at all before. It's crazy.
I think this one is like pretty Gen Z specific. Millennials don't really use this one.
Oh my god, are we getting old? It's funny because a lot of the ones that I've actually seen with
do it for the plot in the beginning when I first discovered this phrase, it was all millennials
on TikTok like, oh my god, Gen Z's playing is so interesting. They keep telling me to do it for
the plot. And I kind of feel good about that. That's like, and that's like how I first learned about
it. But now I'm like seeing it more in Gen Z TikTok. Well, you know, I'm mostly on millennial TikTok.
I feel like I like this phrase specifically too because it incites so much chaos. It's like,
okay, there's a reasonable option that I would take, but there's an option that would further
the plot and like complicate things and make things interesting. So why don't you do that one?
It's like, it's a really easy one to like, go to your friends and to doing something funny.
Yeah, just spice things up a bit. Yeah. Yeah, I think you're right. It's usually used when someone's
like, oh my god, should I do this? Like, question-mold thing. Everyone's like, do it for the plot.
Okay, so when's the last time you guys did something for the plot? Oh.
Last time I did something for the plot. It's a very good question.
Let me check my calendar. This is really boring. If I'm going to think of something I did for the
plot, it was truly just taking this career. I'm doing it out because it literally going into it.
I was like, I don't even know what I'm doing. But fuck it. Let's do it for the plot. I just
kept going with the flow. I like that. That's a big one. Yeah, but it's such a boring plot.
Actually, I think I kind of have one. So the person that I'm dating right now, we were like,
kind of set up. I had the option when the setup was getting brought up. I could have been like,
oh no, like I'm fine. But I was kind of like, all right, whatever, fuck it.
You're for the plot. You're for the plot. Look at your plot now.
I love these. I think mine is so much of a smaller plot event compared to you guys. But last week,
it was James's birthday. So we went out for a really nice dinner. And then we came back and we were
like, okay, let's have a really relaxing hotel night in, keep it super special. And then we fell
asleep. And then we woke up. And then James was like, okay, let's go clubbing. Because some of our
friends had gotten a table. So then we literally got up from bed. I redid my hair and like, put
on all our clothes. And then we went out clubbing at like midnight. That is crazy. It was. I was like,
I've never napped. And then like gone out before. But that led to us getting sick. So maybe
the plot is not always positive. The plot ran due in. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, also the craziest part
about that is James waking up and being like, let's go clubbing. Dude, that's what I'm saying. I was
like, who is this man? This is James at 28. Unhinged. That kind of reminds me. I think the last time
I did something for the plot was last minute. I was like, you know what? Fuck it. I'll go to EDC
for like a day. This is like a day or two after my graduation. It was fun in the moment. But I
remember before I went, everyone's like posting stories. You know, a lot of people are younger. So
they're posting the sun rise. They have like crying face emojis. They're like, can't believe it's
over. The whole day I was like smack talking. I was like, dude, that is so degenerate. I can't
believe people are sad that the sun is rising. Couldn't be us. It ended up being us. We're just
sitting on the stands like cool off before leaving. And the sun starts coming up and everyone starts
cheering. And I was like, oh my gosh, guys, we need to get the fuck out of here, dude. I was literally
so tired. What was that phrase? It's like you become what you hate or something. Exactly. I became
the villain of my own story. Oh my god. This city there listening to some fucking pots and pans
of a headache going like damn dude, I just need to get out of this desert right now. Like I'm not
young anymore. Actually, dude, EDC is such a like, it is a fucking journey. Yeah, and then it's like,
you aren't even able to sleep well once you get back home. And you got to drive home like in a few
hours. Yeah. Well, plot events aside. Kind of want to bring us back to our topic today. So today,
we really wanted to talk about mixing friend groups. I feel like there's a very specific art to
mixing friend groups. I know some friends of mine do it super, super well and fluidly where you
don't even notice that there's multiple friend groups being mixed. But it can be sort of a high
pressure thing for some people. It could be a hobby for others. So I'm definitely excited to kind
of dive through the intricacies of mixing friend groups with you guys today. Let's kind of start
this off by how often do you mix friend groups in your hangouts and what situations are you most
likely to consider mixing friend groups? Generally, I feel like me and I guess most people, a lot of the
friend group mixing comes in with like bigger events like maybe like birthdays, weddings.
The awesome friend mixer. Exactly. Or like you go to like a festival or something.
I think I'm probably similar to J-Soo. I don't usually host too many like mixed friend group events
unless it's like something kind of bigger like a birthday party. But otherwise, I just attend
friend mixing events. I think I totally agree with you guys where I don't mix friend groups that
often. I think especially smaller events, I do not like mixing friend groups just because
the less people there are in an event and the more intimate the setting is. I feel like there's
more pressure for those people to get along versus in a bigger setting, especially in like a party
setting maybe more birthday party. It's just so much more casual. People can separate if they want
to, people can vibe if they want to. So there's less of that like okay this group of six people
need to be best friends by the end of the night kind of pressure. That's fair. What about like if you
have one main friend group but then you want to invite someone who you're close to, do you do that
often or do you just think like fuck yeah, I'll just stick to the main friend group. I think I do
that pretty often. I think a big part of mixing friend groups is also your confidence in yourself
that the friends you make are all mostly similar to your personality. Even though I have like different
groups of friends, they all generally have very compatible personalities. So it's like not hard to
bring one or two additional people. And it's like if there's a main group of friends, I'm like,
yo, could I invite like, I don't know, like one of my friends from like high school and stuff.
They're like that down. Oh my god, but on that topic, what if you're being invited to an event
and then you're like, oh, can I bring this one friend with me? But then that one friend doesn't
know anyone. Do you feel obligated to stay with them the whole time? I think I would. And it's not
necessarily always like a negative obligation of like, oh, I feel weighed down by the burden of
having to carry this friend. But it's more of like, I have a lot of social anxiety. So then if I was
a plus one, I would probably like follow whoever invited me around through the night, see who their
friends are and like kind of join in on those conversations. So hopefully if I'm the one inviting
someone, I'm able to like keep up with my personal expectation as well. That makes sense.
I think it's also if I'm going to invite someone, I think I've already made up my mind by then of
I'm going to be sticking with this person and making sure that they're getting along with everyone.
I wouldn't invite someone and just like leave them. But I think one thing that makes it easier to
is I think a lot of our friends are like this. They're very inclusive. It makes it easy to get
along with them. So like a lot of times, if it's just like a big group gathering and you invite one
or two additional people, I find like by the end of the night, they're like chopping it up with
everyone else. I feel like it's easier to be a guest and bring some friends versus like hosting
sometimes in terms of like friend group mixing because as the host, you can't just stick with one
group or person the whole night. You kind of have to like trust them that they'll try their best
to like make all and socialize. That is true. I actually have like a bunch of thoughts on kind of
like the plus one thing though because I guess it depends on what it is. If it's like a very large
and like anonymous party at like a residential neighborhood, there's no space capacity or like,
you know, there's no thing that makes it kind of exclusive, then it totally makes sense to like bring
a couple of friends or whatnot. But sometimes I feel like invites are meant for just you and yourself
only. So then bringing plus ones can be a little bit of like a stretching, I guess the other
person's lenience. It's kind of like asking for something or like asking for a favor. So then I
have thoughts on that a little bit. Like it really depends on the event type, I think. Yeah. But I do
feel like there's kind of like a time and a place to bring like plus ones or plus and number of guests.
That's a good point. I didn't even think of it that way. I think I completely misunderstood the
question. But no, I agree with you, Jisoo. And I think a big part too is if I'm ever in that situation
and I invite someone, I would hit them with the it's totally okay to say no. I know you don't know
them. Feel free to say no. And they say yes. I'm like, just tell me if you don't want them.
But I think a pet peeve of mine is in those instances, if I'm inviting someone or one of my
other friends or inviting someone and then they asked to invite more people, we can just say no
and no harm, no foul. But I would like if they gave me that out as well. I'm like, you don't
have to say yes if you don't want to because I kind of feel like an asshole sometimes are just saying no.
Yeah. But I think the older I've gotten the more okay I've been with. No, that's too many people.
That's good. Drawing my boundaries. Yeah. But yeah, I feel like in my mind when these boundaries are
really strong is probably when it's like a much more intimate gathering and maybe it's like a core
friend group that you're like, oh, we haven't seen each other in so long. Let's keep it small,
especially because I think the less people there are in a gathering accentuates the people who are
unknown if that makes sense. Like the one person who is like a plus one doesn't really know anyone,
but then everyone else is already like so close and such an intimate gathering. I wonder in those
cases, like if the plus one feels even more out of place, not necessarily because people aren't
welcoming, but just because of the like context. Honestly, Crystal, I think they do feel more left out
and I think in those situations, if you really want to bring someone, I think it is your job or my
job in my bring someone like my job to make sure they integrate with the group. I think one thing that
I never really liked is, you know, if people invite me out to like hang out with their core group,
I'm very grateful for it. I end up having a blast, but like if they don't really make an effort to
introduce me, man, that first hour is painful. Like so, how do you know so and so? Oh, high school,
that's crazy. Oh, you guys want to call it together? That's sick. Were you in the same major?
But it's like stuff like that. Yeah. Wait, I feel like I've heard you have this exact conversation
like many times. Like this is so familiar to me. I literally have a list of small talk talking
points in my head. And as soon as I meet someone, I run through it. Some of my friends, like I'm sure
you two have heard it. Other friends who I've known for a lot longer. Actually, I've known Jesus
for really long. Other friends that have seen me in these social environments more, they, as soon
as they hear me say one thing, they know the next question I'm going to ask because it's just so
structured. They've got it memorized. They got it memorized. And then if I ask a certain question,
they're like, Oh, Jonathan's going to say this story now. And I say this story.
Dude, this is like NPC behavior. Oh, my god. This is kind of NPC behavior.
It's like a decision tree that he's already mapped out. It is. It honestly is. Yeah.
But it makes it so much easier to just go like autopilot sometimes. For sure.
And I mean, like you can't blame some of the small talk questions. Like some of them get really good
information out. And it does sometimes spark a bigger or more complex conversation. Exactly.
I think too. It's like these small talk questions are also a litmus test on like how well you can
get along with the person. Because if they respond very well to it, if I'm like, Oh, how do you know
this person? And then they dive into it. They're like, I've known this in elementary school. We've
been really close friends. Tells me some stories about it. I'm like, I can really chop it up with
this person. Yeah. But if they're just like, Oh, we just knew each other from like college. And
that was it. I'd be like, cool. Like fuck me right. I'll go now.
This also kind of reminds me of that meme of one mutual friend bringing two other friends together.
And then the moment they leave, like the lunch table or whatever, the two are like, so
how do you know this friend? 100%. Yeah. I feel like there's definitely an art to even when you do
bring a guest or like our primitive to bring a guest, making sure that that guest integrates
well and like has fun. Because I don't know, even if like the normal friend group is having fun,
if the one person who's a plus one is not having fun in a corner, I feel like that can also be like
a mood dampener. So it's also for the social good as well to make sure that the plus is having fun.
That's probably why it always works a little better in like a slightly larger party setting,
where you know, there's a bit of alcohol, you know, people are a little loosened up and feeling a
little more relaxed. So it's a little easier to make conversation, even if we like don't really
make that much sense. Or it's like very shallow conversation. Everyone's excited because they're
in a good mood and the vibes are good. A question for you guys. How do you guys make sure that
your friends or your plus ones feel included in the group? What is your strategy?
This might be a little counterintuitive, but I think sometimes bringing like an S.O. I don't
always want to be like, oh, this is my boyfriend or whatever. Because then that makes everyone
associate that person as like, oh, that's Crystal's boyfriend. Not like that's their own person.
If that's the situation, then I'll bring them and like maybe introduce them a bit with me,
but then like at a certain point kind of like break off a little bit if it's a bigger party.
Just so that they can like establish themselves as their own person and they can like, you know,
go out and socialize as well. And I think it also shows, oh, this person has some social skills like
that's good. You're not a normal person. Like they don't have to rely on you fully in like a social
setting, which I think is like a pro just to have as like a general skill. I think that's a good tip.
Especially when you're someone's S.O. you can definitely be doomed to being like just their S.O.
But I'm trying to think of like when I brought a friend to a different friend group hangout,
for example, I feel like the one thing I'll do is like when I introduce people, I'll try to
give interesting tidbits about each other so that there's like some sort of starting point
and then they can kind of talk based on that. Or I'll also make sure to like sort of poke fun
at the plus one so that it's like in a normal friend group, everyone's kind of like making fun of
each other. So then I feel like by doing that to the plus one to kind of like opens up the battle
ground a little bit and that's kind of like the easiest or like fastest way to get close to somewhat
right. Yeah, I think for me I really similar to G.S.U. I kind of just start shitting on people.
I think my relationship with my friends is a lot of them shit on me too. So like a common thread
between all the friends I make is they all one way or another will end up shitting on me.
I will take it on the chin. I'll take the fall. But if everyone shit talking me makes everyone
get closer then you know it makes it a lot easier. Like as long as it's friendly hopefully. Yeah.
I think another good tactic is if you think there's someone who is like good at making friends,
good at socializing you could be like oh let's all take a shot with that person. And then I feel
like that kind of opens things up. Taking a shot together is somehow very like socially inclusive
I think and it usually makes people feel like a part of something. So then I think from there
usually like conversation stem or as people branch off from the shot they're like oh hey like
I don't think I saw you earlier. What's your name and then you know things happen. Yeah that's a good
point. I've literally done that with James before. Like if I'm throwing something on my place and
then some people don't know James as well. I'm literally like dude let's take a shot of my friend James
and then this is followed up by some small talk and then possibly some shit talking and we get into
games. Oh yeah that's another good one like party games and stuff. Usually you partner up with your
plus one or whatever and then you're like okay let's play against these people and then
there's some like shit talking there's some competition either way like you get talking and I
feel like at the end of the game it's always like oh okay good game like we've gained respect
for each other so then from there it's also like a stepping point. Yeah I feel like all of these
just point to like a party setting is sort of the easiest place to mix friend groups.
They're really because I just can't imagine what the easy way would be in like the dinner
in like a dinner setting for example if you have two friend groups that are mixed the only
real thing that I could think of is maybe talking about like anecdotes and whatnot but that requires
way more coordination way more like storytelling and like creativity than just being like okay who
wants to play rage cake or like who wants to get shot so they're like shortcuts. Actually I have
had oh my god I had the funniest situation so I was visiting New York once and I made plans to
catch up with my friend and she's like a singular friend like not really part of a friend group
the way that we like met and became friends but our core friend group in New York I think they caught
wind of this they're like oh crystal what are you doing on Friday or whatever else like oh I'm going
to a bar catching up with one of my friends and they're like I wanted to go that to that bar too
you can say no but like it's okay if we join and then you know what started off as like a one-on-one
turned into like a whole table of I think it was maybe like seven or eight of us like but like my
original friend she's not part of that core friend group so in that situation I did have to try
of it to like oh you know this is my friend met her in New York blah blah and I think because it
was a seated situation it worked out okay because I sat right next to her and then she could talk
to the people sitting across from her and then I could help facilitate some of the conversation.
On the topic of seating I hated when I'm sitting in a big group and I end up like near people I
don't know that well oh yeah I'm just like fuck what do I even talk about here and we're eating
too so I'm gonna have to sit there for like an hour oh my god true I feel like it's so important to
sit next to the plus one or whoever is like the additional ad not to make them sound like
unwelcome ready but I feel like it just helps ease their mind so much more because it's like okay
if all goes terribly I can at least default to talking to this good friend who's sitting next to me.
I think it makes it easier for everyone else in the group too because you know the plus one is
out on the side then everyone else around them is gonna feel like they're gonna feel bad for not
talking to them so they'll make an effort but then it's like they don't know them like that.
It is kind of funny sometimes though because I guess depending on the size of the dinner sometimes
there's multiple conversations going on sometimes there's like one central convo and then maybe like
a side convo so then when there's one central convo going on and it's like the normal banter
shit talking funny stories whatnot and then the plus one is having just like a really regular like
small talk conversation with the person sitting next to them I feel like it's hell of funny
it's like people shooting the shit and then it's like oh yeah like what school did you go to?
Aside from like just the one or two friends being mixed into a bigger group
do you think you have any strategies for like bigger friend mixing as in like maybe two
cord groups get mixed together? I think like we were talking about earlier with bigger friend groups too
I think parties is definitely the easiest to mix them but even without it being a party I think
I don't really have a strategy per se I kind of just talk to everyone like I went normally and I
just tried to stuff everyone into the same conversation act as a facilitator of the conversation and
then eventually one or two people will start shit talking me or someone else and then it'll just
open the flood gates from there I think a big part of mixing bigger friend groups for me is just my
inherent trust in their personality I'm like listen they're cool they're fibers I'm sure they'll
vibe with each other we all have similar personalities here there have been a few situations though
where like certain groups the personality I have with them is different than mine with other groups
oh so I tend not to mix those groups in you're like they can't they can't know the professional
side of me exactly I was gonna bring that up actually because I think we've talked pretty
positively about mixing friend groups but at least for me personally it can sometimes be a source
of anxiety I say that as someone who actually enjoys mixing friend groups I just find it a little
bit hard to like mentally prepare for it and like strategize for it because I have a lot of
intentionality when I mix friend groups so then sometimes I think grappling with the different
personalities that I have for like each friend group or you know the different memories that you
have associated with each friend group are so different I feel like I have to like average all
of them into one before going into like a mixed friend group paying out such a control yeah I can
totally see that even something as simple as like high school versus college you're still like the
same person but I feel like you go through a lot of change so then sometimes there's just some
differences you can't help and I think like it's also interesting because it's like these people
have only seen me in this segment of my life but these other people have seen me through like
everything maybe or whatever it's kind of like they won't have the context that these other friend
groups have yeah exactly that's true you guys think you guys have changed a lot since high school
till now um maybe not that much but I do think in college if there was a graph college goes up of it
in terms of my personal social activity so I think everyone who has met me before and after
would be like oh wow like I guess you did a lot in college like you were very social
I think for me every year of my life has felt so vastly different and I feel like my personality
and my mood spectrum changes very vividly like every year so then I feel like that also contributes
to the anxiety a little bit of the mixing friend groups where I'm like this person and I were very
close back in in third year and back then I felt like a completely different person than now
so then that's why I think sometimes it's a little bit hard for me to like almost decide how I should
portray myself or like how I should try to feel that day but it's really more of like this exercise
that causes the anxiety right like I feel like the actual mixing of the friend group is usually fine
it's more of like all the thinking the kind of like mental hoops that I have to jump through beforehand
that makes it more painful yeah you know that makes sense I think something that kind of helps
and I've done this in the past is to have an event where people can do stuff so I don't think I
realized in the moment when I was like planning this but I think it was in the back of my mind
that it's like oh if I'm gonna host something where like there's gonna be a lot of people from
different areas of my life I hope they have stuff to do so if there's any awkward silence they
could just be like all right let's just fucking go do that activity over there so an example is like
my previous couple birthdays I've done like a big karaoke thing in New York and then last year
I did mini golf and I feel like that just kind of fills the potential silence right you're like
okay I'm just gonna go play around of any golf now 100% I think the activities you did were really
good too crystal because they're like big groups can interact but it's like if smaller groups want
to like they're not as comfortable they can still break off and do their own thing yeah I feel like
activities are actually really smart because my greatest fear is like mixing friend groups is like
a choice right like you don't have to mix friend groups so then when I'm choosing to mix friend
groups I don't want it to be at the expense of something so for example if I could have two
separate hangouts with two separate friend groups and it's more fun that way then I would prefer
to do it that way but if I have one hangout and I mix the friend groups and it's more fun then I
would prefer that right so then sometimes my greatest fear is like okay what if I do mix friend
groups and this hangout and then at the end of it all it's just not as fun as if I did like two
separate ones with them you know what I mean dude but I have a counter question yeah what if you
don't mix the friend groups but then like one of the activities that you do with one of the friend
groups is more fun than the other one and then people from the other one see you know the more fun
one and then they're like damn what the fuck like how come we get there that's true I guess you
would have to make it exactly the same like just repeat the same thing honestly the more we're
talking about the more I'm thinking about it I'm like I don't even know if I mix that many big groups
I feel like I slowly just introduce more and more people into the group so it's just everyone
just knows each other by the end well like I'm pretty sure both of you have already met most of
my other friends yeah honestly that's a good strategy though yeah to be honest after because
you slowly bring more and more people into this big amorphous group of friends it's like some
of them end up getting really close like I know some of my friends are forget what I was talking
to them about but they're like oh yeah the other day I won't those two like this like warehouse
party and I'm like you just didn't even invite me do you see that as like a sign of success or are
you kind of like down dfti oh I see that as a sign of success because that down on like dude I can
hang out with all of them together and I don't even need a worry like that's great you're like wow
I'm the one left out of the conversation exactly but I guess in that strategy it's more like
smaller friend group mixing moments similar to what we were talking about in the beginning where it's
like maybe the plus one or two and then slowly incorporating in the end it's like all these small efforts
have succeeded into like the overall big effort yeah I guess I'm trying to think back and at this
point in our lives especially like post wedding post bachelor party and all of that I feel like
all of our friends are pretty cool with each other like close to each other have inside jokes and
whatnot but trying to recall like back in the day when we first started mixing James's high school
friend group who's like one of our core friend groups essentially and our college friend group
and I remember it felt like such a big deal back then and everyone that kind of known each other
through like rames or like events that we had gone through in college but it still felt like
okay we're intentionally mixing friend groups and I definitely remember some more awkward moments
and moments where maybe things didn't go as smoothly especially when I don't know like how would
you describe it crystal I mean you guys were both there for these right it's like sometimes I
feel like those are so awkward I think like especially when people just defaulted to their normal
oh yeah I was guilty of that I was I could have made it I was guilty of that I truly
didn't talk to like James is like high school group until God probably like the bachelor party
it's like when I really talk to them but before that it's like I would talk to them but it's like
unless there's an activity we were all doing together it was much more comfortable to just like
default to the people you know better yeah maybe because it was like such established groups and
then it was like almost forced in a way guys let's all hang out together so then it was just like oh
okay well I feel more comfortable talking with this group so but what's so interesting is that
like James and I are in the same high school friend group so like James and I know both of the
friend groups and then jesus also you know like jesus hangs out with the high school friend group a lot
and then also you know we have the college friend group so like us three we're kind of in the middle
and then we're just like oh god who do we talk to like what should we do I definitely think there
was like a evolution of the two groups smashing and I feel like in the beginning it was exactly
right it's like kind of awkward segregation like some piecemeal conversations here and there but for
the most part it's like two friend groups coexisting and I hang out essentially but there was a
couple of things that I felt like really helped break through the ice so one was there was an era
in our lives I think like immediately after graduating college where a couple of us were like always
foaming out the mouth to like go out every weekend but then instead of being like oh guys like
this friend group should hang out and like we should mix friend groups it was like we need to go
out this Friday who's available who's down who's down so then we were just spam text everyone
yeah but I think once we got those like smaller groups going and there was a mission to be accomplished
I felt like it made things a lot more natural and then some sort of like relationships eventually
developed and the other thing that I felt like really helped was anytime there was something to like
celebrate so when we through our like joint house forming or had like birthday parties and stuff
I felt like they were significantly less awkward during those birthday parties if anyone had any
sort of like gossip or tea I that really fucking brought the group together yes oh my god I totally
agree I feel like having some sort of common theme or goal so exactly how you described it would
bring things together because people would be like oh we're here to like celebrate this person
or you know we're here to have fun because we all wanted to go out versus like oh we're just kind
of hanging out yeah it actually kind of reminds me of recently my friend through a gallon times
and the gallon times was actually like purely mixed friend groups I think there was maybe no more
than like two or three people from like each friend group essentially and most people were kind
of like one-off friends so then it's kind of like a room full of acquaintances last strangers right
and then what I thought was really smart was one obviously there's a theme because it's gallon
times everyone was dress cute and there's like some sort of fun thing to celebrate but I also noticed
that my friend was intentionally giving everyone a job or would like pair people to a job so she's
like okay you two come here and build this Shakururi board or like can you guys help me set this table
up and by doing that I felt like there's a specific mission and like an activity and you're like
paired up with people but it's not forced to be like oh meet my friend and become festies right
away yeah so then I felt like that also made it a lot more natural yeah kind of like the going out
everyone's working towards something together too I feel like a big part of the success of mixing
friend groups is all these activities just work towards allowing people to be comfortable with
showing who they really are to people they're not as familiar with and I think once that's really
shown is when people really start getting along with each other and being really comfortable with
each other it falls in line with what I'm sensing is kind of a theme here that it's like people
will unite under like a similar thing whether that be like a goal a person an event whatever
you know how we said a wedding is like kind of the ultimate friend mixer but that's like you know
such a common theme I guess it's like over here to celebrate this couple's love so everyone's
like oh my god I'm so happy to be here and I expect to meet new people as well so it usually
always works out and I guess like it's easier to find that common ground to like start a conversation
on as well because you know like the biggest question or the easiest question to ask at a wedding
is like oh do you know the like are you from the groom's side or the bride side and then from
there like everything goes on I feel like my takeaway from this entire conversation is that we
need a rebrand every hangout as a celebration of something that everyone every time we hangout
there's like some sort of thing we're trying to celebrate and that's our main goal yeah because I
feel like even if it were something simple like oh my god let's get together and like binge this
TV show I think everyone who goes has that common interest already like oh my god I'm so excited to
see like what's gonna happen next even if they don't know each other they'll bond over like oh my
god I hate this character or like oh my god I'm rooting for this character this is a slight pivot
but I was thinking about this earlier have you guys ever been in situations where you have like
maybe a singular friend or like a small group of friends that you just don't really want to
introduce to your larger group but that you be nervous about I don't know how to word this
I guess like friend groups that you're trying not to mix right yeah I guess yeah I guess so
yeah I can definitely relate to that I feel like it's natural like sometimes you have fun groups
that mix more or like mush better and then sometimes there's friend groups that you want to
maybe keep more private or like you prefer them to be kind of like exclusive to you and that
friend group only and I feel like that's natural but the only difficult thing for me is I don't
know how to articulate that and sometimes it's something that I kind of wonder like am I a
shitty friend or am I a shitty person for not wanting to mix this friend group with other friends
for example nah I don't think you're shitty but it's like I don't know it's something that I grapple
with to the point where I've like brought it up to my therapist before and I was like is it wrong
that I mix friend group A B C but not friend group D and she was like why would that be wrong
you're just setting up each friend group for success in the way that you understand that
friend group so you don't have to feel guilty about it that's just how you feel and she was like
also there's no obligation to mix friend groups and I was like whoa whoa whoa whoa you're like wait
what yeah oh my the immediate thought I had when this question was posed I think it's very
reasonable especially if like maybe a friend group is very niche for example say you and this
friend group are really into like pottery or something and then like literally no one else
cares about pottery in like your other friend group you know or or maybe like they're not into it
the way that like you and that other friend group is so they just like wouldn't mix because it's
like oh well when I hang out with this group all we do is like make pottery and talk about pottery
but then when I hang out with this other group like all we do is like drink and gossip
like it just wouldn't work so I feel like there's definitely no fault in that
I never really thought about it like that also pottery sounds hella fun
are you guys have you guys done it before no I actually haven't so hard is it we should give a try
sometime I think also age gaps another thing I'm thinking of is like work friends maybe like sometimes
it might be hard to mix work friends with your childhood friends just because it's like you would
be showing them like a degenerate of you when you're like okay they need to keep the like
professional adult me in their mind I think as much as I'd like to think that I interact with my
work friends like how I interact with my other friends there's definitely like a level of reservation
yeah I'm like I'm holding myself back in a sense of like I'm not really going to show them like
all the sides of me because at the end of the day work is work yeah I think it's a very interesting
concept to think about and it's something that I thought about a lot last year actually with
like the best shirt party and whatnot and the wedding and making tables and all of this like
thought that goes behind like curating exactly who socializes with who and whatnot I think the
thought that helped me the most was I have a lot of friends that I love but I don't want to meet
all of their friends and I don't want to always be hanging out with them plus all of their friends
so then it made me kind of put down that guilt of like oh am I not mixing this friend or like
this friend group enough into my life because there's nothing wrong with like keeping people
separate like your therapist said you're just you know you're just setting all the friend groups up
for success yeah well I have a final question for all of us do you think among all of this there's
like maybe like etiquette rules or like things to keep in mind overall I think one big thing I don't
know if this is like etiquette or a rule but more of something to keep in mind it's like when you're
mixing friend groups you also want to consider how your friends would feel in that environment
because as exciting as it is for you because you know everyone there everyone has a different
personality some people are more extroverted some people are more introverted even if you think
everyone's gonna get along just fine it's like some people when they're put in situations where
there's like a lot of people they don't know they get like way more anxious and they just won't
end up having a good time so you always have to think about how that person is socially as like a
baseline not how they interact with you but how they are generally it's a good one yeah I think my
final etiquette thought is probably similar to that it's like know the vibe of the event don't
overexert people's social abilities essentially so I feel like some things are sacred like reunions
maybe don't mix friend groups there you're just like really truly setting up your plus one for like
a shitty night basically but they parties maybe don't bring plus ones or like mixed friend groups
there if you're the guest and if you are part of the friend group being mixed then just try to
come with the vibe try to be open-minded and maybe you'll meet a friend who you like better than
the friend who introduced you yeah I think you two summed it up really well thank you Jonathan
for joining us this week to chat about mixing friend groups I think it uncovered a lot more nuance
behind it than maybe you initially expected so I think it was a productive conversation
for our listeners out there if you have any thoughts on friend group mixing feel free to share
with us you can find us on social media at eat your crust pod and we also have email eat your
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