You ladies can wait in here.
Brian, before my father comes in, how are his spirits?
You know, for someone who's looking at 60 to 100 years in prison.
Pretty good.
I'll bring him right in.
Hey, Brian, anyone get killed today?
You ask me that every time, Max, and every time I tell you, it's a white-collar prison.
Got it.
Anyone get shanked with a Mont Blanc pen?
Yo, Bea, one more thing.
On lockup raw, they always spray the guards with a mixture of urine and feces, so... Max, please!
Can we go one day without you mentioning that?
I wonder why my dad wanted us to rush out here and see him today.
He probably wants a conjugal visit.
Max!
Relax!
With me.
Here they are, the light of my life and her bouncer.
Hi, Daddy.
Max?
Oh, we starting this?
No foreplay?
Listen, sorry to make you come all the way out here on the God help me subway, but I actually need a favor.
Help me break out.
I'm kidding.
Daddy, it's so amazing you can joke, but maybe not around Max.
She's already offered to skin a guard alive and walk you out of here wearing him.
Well, we know it works.
All right, listen.
This woman who used to work for me is being paid a million dollars to write a tell-all book about me.
A million dollars?
How much could I get for a tell-all book about Caroline?
Chapter one, sleep farts.
Max, please, can we go one day without you mentioning that?
The woman's name is Sandra Rosenthal.
Caroline, do you remember her?
Yes, the one who lied on her resume, the one who couldn't even add.
And worse than that, she wore brown with black together.
I like brown and black together.
I know.
Wait, why would anybody pay that woman so much?
What is she saying she has on you?
Well, she's claiming she was fired because she had insider information about the Ponzi scandal and that we were sleeping together, which we weren't.
Of course you weren't.
You would never sleep with someone who wore brown with black together.
Man, I haven't seen this much hatred toward brown and black since the 50s.
Anyway, I wanted you to hear it from me first because she's about to go on Piers Morgan Live and she can say whatever she wants.
No, she can't, because I'll be there to refute her lies.
I'll defend you with dignity and class and my new lipstick I just found on the subway.
Wow, Piers Morgan.
That dude's legit.
He's got a show.
He's got Piers 1 imports.
I don't know what I'd do without you, Princess.
You're the only person I can trust.
Now get out of here because I got to speak to Max privately for a second.
Oh, sure.
Okay.
Just go.
Daddy wants to talk to me privately.
Love you, sweetie.
Love you, Daddy.
Brian, I'll just be right outside.
So, Max.
You know I'm all talk, right?
I need you to tell Caroline something I couldn't bring myself to say.
This woman is also claiming I have a small penis.
Wait.
So I stayed behind to see it?
No.
I want you to tell Caroline so she'll be prepared, because I'm pretty sure that's the lie that got the book sold.
How big of a lie?
Oh. really big one.
So, what did you and my father talk about?
I don't want to tell you I'm uncomfortable.
You're uncomfortable?
This must be bad.
You've never been uncomfortable in your life.
Is it drugs?
Cancer?
Oh, did he fall in love in prison?
I'll be fine with it.
You can tell me.
When we had money, I was very active in the Park Avenue Straits for Gay Dormant Alliance.
Is this some kind of weird gang or did a gang just let out?
Come on, tell me.
Fine, the woman's gonna say your father has a small Sir, your Vuvuzela is very loud and very 2010.
My father has a what?
He has a small... Seriously, the game's over.
And how on earth you have a wedding ring is beyond me.
What is she gonna say about him?
I can't hear you!
What are you saying?
Your father has a small penis!
He thought it'd be less awkward if I told you, was it?
I can't believe that Sandra Rosenthal woman.
There's another lie.
Why?
Have you seen it?
No, I haven't seen it.
I don't want to see it.
Have you seen your father's penis?
If I did, it was waving goodbye.
