Hello and welcome to Homeschool History.
I'm Greg Jenner and I've spent my whole career making history fun on the TV show Horrible Histories and more recently on the BBC podcast You're Dead to Me, although that one's mostly for the grown-ups.
With everyone being cooped up in the house, I thought I'd do a brand new podcast that delivers a snappy history lesson to entertain and educate the whole family.
Who says that homeschooling can't be a bit of fun?
Today we are journeying back nearly 500 years to learn all about the extraordinary life of Mary, Queen of Scots.
And listen up, because at the end of the episode there'll be a quick quiz to see how much you can remember.
But no pressure.
Mary was born in 1542 in Linlithgow Palace in Scotland.
Her dad, King James V of Scotland, took one look at her and keeled over dead.
Okay, not exactly like that, but he'd been wounded in battle and he really wanted a baby boy, and Mary was a baby girl.
So he died of his injuries slash disappointment, whichever one you want to choose.
And weirdly, that now meant that Mary was Queen of Scotland, even though she was only six days old.
Imagine holding a coronation ceremony for someone who needs to be burped every two hours.
As you can probably guess, babies are not exactly suited to running the country, so her French mum, Mary of Guise Bonjour, ruled on her behalf.
As soon as baby Mary could walk, everyone was obsessed with who she was going to marry, because that would make Scotland a powerful military ally.
Hooray!
England's bearded bully boy, Henry VIII, tried to marry Mary after his son Edward, even though Mary was only three years old.
Eww!
Henry's plan didn't work out.
He got angry and he sent soldiers to fight the Scots.
Classic Henry.
Needing Catholic help against the Protestant English Mary.
Instead got engaged to Prince Francis of France, who is only four years old.
Bonjour.
She went off to live in France with her four best friends, and their names were well, quite easy to remember.
It was Mary, Mary, Mary, and Susan.
Nah, I'm kidding, it was Mary.
Anyway, things were going great for Mary.
As teenagers, she and Francis finally got married, and then Francis soon became king.
Wow!
Mary was suddenly Queen of Scots!
And Queen of France.
Double trumpets.
And then her husband, King Francis, immediately got a stupid ear infection and died.
Oh, sad trumpets.
Yes, Mary was sadly widowed aged just 18.
Now Francis had two brothers that Mary potentially could have married, but Francis's mum, Catherine de' Medici, wanted to run the show for herself and she didn't want Mary meddling.
So, back-up marriage denied.
Instead, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary and Mary were told to just get lost.
So they went home back to Scotland, where Mary's mum also called Mary, of course had been running the show with the help of several meddling advisors.
At last, Mary, Queen of Scots, would be returning to her native nation.
Surely the Scottish lords would be thrilled to have their beautiful young queen back.
Well, no.
No.
Mary turned up with loads of fancy French stuff like posh dresses and jewellery and tapestries, and she probably spoke French as her first language too.
And the Scottish lords took one look at her and they were immediately vraiment grandieux, which is French for proper grumpy.
Because Mary had been away all her life in France.
She didn't have any loyal advisors to help her in Scotland, and the Scottish lords immediately started thinking of ways to get rid of her.
There was also a religious preacher named John Knox, who hated the idea of women running the world.
Clearly not a Beyoncé fan.
And then there was James Stewart, Mary's half-brother, who wanted to rule by using Mary as his puppet, but Mary believed that she had been appointed by God to rule on her own.
As sibling squabbles go, it was slightly worse than fighting over the Xbox.
Luckily, Mary did have one pal, her cousin, Queen Elizabeth I of England.
Even though Liz was a Protestant and England had been Scotland's enemy.
They wrote nice letters to each other and bonded over their similarities.
After all, they were both powerful women in a man's world, like Beyoncé.
The two friends even made plans to meet up.
But when you're two queens meeting up for the first time, you can't just go and have a casual hang in Nando's.
So they started thinking about a big, big party with gold painted roses and all the trimmings and loads and loads of people there, and probably both of them on boats.
Mary was dead keen on the meet-up because if Elizabeth didn't have her own kids then Mary could maybe inherit Elizabeth's throne when Elizabeth died.
Why?
Well, because Mary's grandmother had been Henry VIII's sister.
Unfortunately, things got a bit awks.
Even with good friends asking for their throne once they're done with it, it's quite a big ask.
It's a crown, it's not like borrowing a pencil sharpener.
Elizabeth cancelled the meeting and Mary was gutted.
Instead, Elizabeth offered Mary a weird gift, a new husband to replace her dead one.
What a good friend, right?
Unfortunately, the guy Elizabeth was trying to set Mary up with was called Robert Dudley.
Hello.
He was the Earl of Leicester.
He was very handsome.
But he used to be a commoner.
And he'd been branded a traitor.
And he might have been involved in the death of his first wife.
And Dudley had been Elizabeth's on-off boyfriend.
Mary was furious.
Dudley was a commoner and she was a queen.
He was way beneath her.
But also, it was just a bit weird, the idea of marrying your cousin's ex-boyfriend.
Instead, Mary's next husband was to be Lord Darnley.
He was a real smooth talker.
Hello!
But not a nice guy.
He wanted to marry Mary so he could be king.
He even helped to murder Mary's personal secretary to try and scare her into doing what the Scottish lords wanted.
What a bully!
Darnley and Mary soon had a baby together whose name was James.
Then something quite weird happened.
Darnley's house exploded.
Even weirder, he was found suffocated to death in a nearby orchard.
Yikes!
I'm no detective, but that death sounds quite suspicious to me.
Many people thought someone called Lord Bothwell had helped with the murder.
He was put on trial, but got away with it.
Then things got way worse.
Bothwell kidnapped Mary, forced her to marry him, and then tried to take the throne for himself.
Poor Mary, her love life was an absolute nightmare.
But things would get worse again.
Her half-brother, James Stuart, remember him from before?
Well, he teamed up with the other Scottish lords to raise an army against her and Bothwell.
Mary lost the battle, was thrown in prison and then she was taken as a captive to Loch Leven Castle.
However, she befriended a young boy who lived in the castle and he stole the keys to her cell so she could sneak out in disguise while everyone else was having a huge party.
She jumped on a horse and rode 60 miles to freedom.
Mary had a choice.
She could go back to France, stay and fight in Scotland or go to England to get help from her BFF, Queen Elizabeth.
So she did the third one.
And Elizabeth responded like a classic frenemy by immediately putting Mary under house arrest.
Because Elizabeth hadn't married and still didn't have an heir, Mary was still next in line for the English throne.
But of course, shock horror, Mary was Catholic.
If she became queen, surely she'd just make everyone Catholic like her.
Elizabeth's Protestant advisors were terrified.
So Mary was under arrest in England.
Meanwhile, in Scotland, her son James, was now made King James VI of Scotland, even though he was a baby, just like she'd been a baby when she was Queen of Scotland.
Honestly, this story has too many Marys and too many babies with crowns on their heads.
Mary was held under house arrest for the next 20 years.
She wasn't even allowed to send special birthday presents to her son King James back in Scotland.
Mary got very desperate.
And then she did something very, very silly.
Oops.
Some Catholic plotters called Anthony Babington and John Ballard approached her with a secret plan.
They were going to try and get rid of Queen Elizabeth I and put Mary on the throne of England instead.
Now, Mary was tired of being in jail.
She missed her son.
She wanted to get out.
And she thought, yeah, if I agree to this plan, I get to leave.
So she said yes to the Babington plot, not knowing that Elizabeth's chief spy was intercepting and reading all of her secret messages, which she thought she had hidden carefully.
She was caught red-handed and put on trial for treason.
Mary was outraged because she believed that kings and queens were chosen by God and that trials were for normal people not like her.
Funnily enough, Queen Elizabeth also had similar concerns.
If Liz put Mary on trial, would someone put Liz on trial one day?
Hmm...
Elizabeth's mum, Anne Boleyn, and her ex-stepmother, Catherine Howard, had both been put on trial and executed by her dad, Henry VIII, so she knew a thing or two about executed queens.
But Mary was different.
She wasn't someone's wife.
She was a legitimate ruler in her own right.
Can you execute a legitimate ruler appointed by God?
Tough one.
Elizabeth was desperate to avoid executing Mary.
She didn't want to have to do it.
She spent ages trying to find ways to avoid signing the death warrant, just like I spend ages trying to find ways not to do the washing up.
But eventually you run out of plates.
Elizabeth was finally convinced to sign the death warrant and as soon as she did, it was sent off very quickly to make sure she didn't change her mind.
Mary was going to be executed.
Mary didn't get much sleep the night before her execution.
She was very frightened, but she was also kept awake by the sound of the chopping block being built.
And even though Mary's executioners wanted her to feel alone and afraid, she had a loyal companion with her at the very end.
Her cute little dog hiding under her skirts.
Good doggy.
Mary Queen of Scots' life ended in 1587, and it had been a tragic life in many ways, particularly when compared to the long and glorious reign of her frenemy Elizabeth I of England.
But when Elizabeth died in 1603, she had no heir, and so the throne of England went to Mary Queen of Scots' son, King James VI of Scotland, who became King James I of England.
And when he was in power he moved his mum's body from Peterborough Cathedral to Westminster Abbey to be with the other kings and queens.
And that brings us to the end of her story, which means it's time for the quickfire quiz.
Do you have your pens ready?
Here we go.
Three, two, one.
OK, question one.
How old was Mary when she became Queen of Scots?
Question two, which country did Mary move to when she was only five?
Question three, what were the names of Mary's four ladies-in-waiting, her best friends?
Question four, how did Mary escape from Loch Leven Castle?
Question five, which friend accompanied Mary to her execution?
And here are the answers.
The answer to question one was six days old.
She was a baby.
The answer to question two was France.
The answer to question three was Mary, Mary, Mary and Mary.
The answer to question four was she befriended a young boy who gave her the keys so she could sneak out in disguise?
Good plan.
And the answer to question five was her pet dog.
Well, I hope you've enjoyed the momentous life of Mary, Queen of Scots.
It's sad but fascinating stuff.
Tune in next time for some more homeschool history with me, Greg Jenner.
And make sure to subscribe to the podcast so you never miss an episode.
Thank you for listening.
Take care and goodbye.
Homeschool History was a Muddy Knees media production for BBC Radio 4 and BBC Sounds.
The scriptwriters were Gabby Hutchinson-Crouch, Emma Neguse and me.
The producer was Ben Green and the historical advisor was Mary's biographer, Professor Kate Williams.
My name's Louis Theroux and I'm doing a new podcast for Radio 4.
It's called Grounded with Louis Theroux.
I've assembled a series of interviews from my own home.
The idea is that we can dig a little deeper, peel back the layers and find out who they really are.
A free-flowing exchange of ideas, reflecting on what's going on now, but also looking back at the past.
And featuring, at no extra cost, extraneous family noises in the background and dodgy microphones.
Two people communing through the miracle of the interweb at long distance and yet so very close.
To hear new episodes as soon as they go live, just subscribe to Grounded with Louis Theroux on BBC Sounds.
