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Welcome to the A to Z English podcast. My name is Jack and I'm here with my cohost Sochul, and Sochul I'll let you introduce today's topic because, um, you had, uh, come with that topic and it's very interesting.
Jack, I'm very excited to introduce introduce a topic for today because I am curious about what our listeners from other countries think about this if it's similar in their countries because it's really a cultural phenomenon that we're talking about in the Western world and especially the United States and I just want to know.
Is this happening in other parts of the world?
And what I want to talk about today is the male loneliness epidemic.
Yes. And I guess the way I would define that my understanding from what I've seen on social media which is mostly how you know I've come to see this term utilized over and over again in social media format is the fact that men I guess are feeling lonely and disconnected because it's becoming less common for them to have romantic partners, to be able to marry, to be able to settle down to be able to have a long -term relationship and it seems like women are becoming less and less interested in getting involved with a man, especially long -term, and especially because things have changed drastically
for women in the last 50 years even.
And it means that we can be financially independent now.
We have an education now, a higher level education as well.
there are more women who have studied, who have received the college degree in the US I believe, and more women attending college in the US than men.
Women are in high paid fields, women are independent, there are more home owner, single home owner women than men as well.
And so we're kicking it out of the park as a gender here.
And I guess the men are feeling left behind and lonely because it's, it's, it's becoming a thing I think, or they're not even competing with other men, they're competing with a woman's independence and peace that she can, and what she can offer and provide for herself.
Yeah, and there's like, there's like two kind of camps.
Like there's the bad take camp, which is the kind of right wing.
You know, let's re regain control of women's lives right the red pill camp yeah yeah exactly like Andrew Tate and who's that a bench -apeiro that little guy Charlie Kirk and yeah the the in cell and they're not in cells but no the in cell leaders they're like little they're like they're like leaders of in cell cults basically because most of their followers are in cell men most red -pill men are in cells so what maybe we should explain what an incel is.
It's a new term. It's a a man who has given up trying to find a partner is using.
Yeah, stands for involuntarily celibate, which Yeah, it's just a man who is not able to get in a partnership basically.
And Red Pill community, it's like, it's just a very misogynistic community comprised mainly of incels and it's a reference to The Matrix, where Neo decides to take the red pill instead of the blue pill and he discovers that the whole world is a lie.
So, that's what the red pill is.
Like, he's not thinking they somehow became liberated from the system, but it's actually a system that benefits them anyway, so it's kind of stupid, but it is what it is.
Yeah. Well, the, the, the other campus is the one that understands the reality that you were talking about that says like, now women get married because they want to not because they need to, they, not for any financial security or, you know, they're starting a family I'm getting married and starting a family because they want to do that.
Like it's their choice, you know?
Um, not, not out of any sort of necessity.
Would that be a good way to describe it?
Yeah, I think so. And what I think is really interesting is that there's still a higher percentage of women being married, getting married right now, I think, than there even will be in the next falling generations, like Younger Gen Z and Generation Alpha.
Because, in my opinion, we, as women, still have a lot of leftover social conditioning of like, you need to get married, you need to start a family.
and even though like probably when I entered some point in my twenties, especially like post 2018, after the Me Too movement there started to be more de -centering men as an aspect of your life and you don't need men and less like social conditioning and less push towards women to get married and start families.
But I think a lot of the social conditioning was still there in our early years with Disney movies with through our families or our cultures.
And so I think right, every girl's dream is to get married, you know, that's the you know, every boy's dream is to grow up to be a soldier and girls want to be a bride or something like that.
Yes, that's literally how it is.
Um, I find it interesting that you, you you catch on to that or see it that way too.
Did you I'm curious Zach do you see that with your daughter at all?
She seems you know she's so like uh focused on ballet that I don't think she's even Um, you know, uh, dated, uh, you know, at least, uh, uh, I don't think, I don't think she's even been on like a, a date, you know, like, right.
But, but more so than like her dating now or like anything now, I mean like when she was a child, do you think that propaganda like the Disney princess and the getting married and all that, do you think that was really present in her childhood?
Oh, she's always loved being a princess and, you know, dressing up like a princess and things like that.
But there was never a prince, you know what I mean?
That was like that part of the fantasy.
You know what I mean?
It was just the clothes and the style, you know that was all.
What about when women like, you know how a lot of women like ask, like how a lot of little girls like ask their dad to get married?
Oh no, that never happened.
That never happened?
No, no, no. Have you seen that like that?
That's a really common theme apparently like a lot of girls asked her that to get married.
Oh sure sure yeah to marry him.
Like they they to play like a bride and groom kind of I know this is a weird question.
I know you're talking about but yeah that never that never happened in our case.
She was just never a I don't know she seemed very even if you ask her about like, you know, do you have a boyfriend or something, you know, that would be, you know, why are you asking me that?
Don't, you know, don't cry into.
He's very private, very, very private.
Yes. Super private.
Yeah. And do you think there's like, a lot of conditioning with like, say, in Korean culture still nowadays, like that kind of pressure?
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When we started writing our thoughts down on paper, it opened up endless possibilities.
Ideas could grow beyond the borders of the mind and it changed the world.
Somewhere along the way, we lost touch with paper, Distracted by devices made for every purpose except for thinking and focus.
On edge waiting for the next notification.
But what if new technology didn't pull us away from paper but brought us closer to it?
Listen. That's not paper.
It's the sound of the new remarkable Paper Pro, rewriting the future.
A paper tablet with a true color ink display.
gentle reading light and unheard of tactility.
With digital features for taking notes, thinking and organizing without any distractions.
Paper is about to change the world, again.
Get your paper tablet at remarkable .com today.
I mean, people are not getting married here but it's because of the financial burden.
The jobs aren't, they're not able to afford a house, the things that they can't provide that you have to provide if you're going to get married, like the guy's responsibility is to get the house.
Well now that's out of reach for most young men here.
I think maybe the same economic dynamic is occurring in America as well, but I think there's something beyond that.
It's not just economic now, It's just women, basically they're like, what value are you going to add to my life um, qualitatively, that I can't get by myself, you know what I mean?
Like that, I think, that is the issue.
It's like, um, and for men, you know, like it's kind of like, you know, it used to be like, if you're starting a race, the men were starting on the 50 -yard line and women we're starting on the, you know, 10 yard line or something.
Now women have gained ground, we're more equal.
And that feels like you've, you're losing something when you're, when you're, when you have a headstart and then there's some equality, the feeling is that you're, you've lost something, but you haven't, the other group has gained something.
And right now it's more eve even.
and so you have to actually really bring some quality into a person's life you know the like why I'm why should i partner with you if I'm gonna be working a full -time job and doing the dishes and vacuuming and cleaning and and taking care of the baby you know I mean like there's the women are starting to ask that question you know it's like if we're gonna do this this is a partnership you know we're we're breaking the duties of the household half.
We're sha-, we're splitting everything, you know.
It's not, it's, you have to bring some value into this relationship.
Whereas before, I think the value was like, basically economic, you know.
Like, hey, I'm gonna, I'm gonna make the money.
And you're gonna do all the household chores, you know.
And women are like, yeah, that doesn't sound like a good deal to me, you know.
right, right. I can make my own money now.
I don't want to do all the household chores on top of that because I do think that it's become skewed as well, where men still expect women to like uphold traditional gender norms, like having the baby, raising the kid doing all the domestic things in the domestic sphere.
And then on top of that I'm still working a full time job.
Yeah. I mean think about that.
Like how bad would that suck?
You know what I mean?
Like it would be terrible.
Yeah. So I think women are just like, they're just like tapping out like I'm out, you know?
I'm just gonna be single or I'll just date or whatever, but I'm not gonna tie myself down in a legal ...
legally, you know? Like get married.
Because once you get married, it's hard to unwind, you know?
Then you gotta go through divorce lawyers and all sort of stuff.
And that that's a lot of that's very painful process of very painful process.
So yeah, I just think that like women are are choosing not to until they can find some a partner who's like, actually adding value to their relationship that is not just economic.
That's that's my understanding, but I maybe you know, it's probably oversimplification.
No Jack I think your understanding was really good.
I'm actually super impressed by how well you seem to understand it because you know there's always that classic like what do you bring to the table and men like flip it on women and it's like women you know have been conditioned to bring a lot to the table and to prioritize a partnership over and over again and I think they're just to the point where it's like if I'm not also gonna be a priority in a man's life why would I make him my priority, center my whole life around him, and basically become a domestic slave to him.
Like, you literally, there's research that shows that a woman who gets married adds seven hours of domestic labor onto her week.
Yeah, yeah. And once you have a kid, you lose one hour of sleep a night, too, as well.
Yes. And men don't add, like, any domestic labor.
They, in fact, when they get married, their domestic labor decreases, is because they have less stuff to do.
Yeah, that's interesting.
That's interesting.
Yeah, because they're not, they're not living alone, so they're not responsible for all the chores that they had done before.
Oh, yeah, yes. I'm not sure that that this is a healthy trajectory, though, you know what I mean?
Like, necessarily, like, I mean, I think, attitudes need to shift. and like I said, like they need to, men need to bring the, some more value to the relationships and I think that they'll be more partnering.
But we have to kind of you know forget about those old, the old ways of our grandparents and our parents you know, generation, we need to find a new way to live, you know.
Yes, where our marriages lasted like 50 years because women couldn't have a bank account without a man.
And couldn't have a credit card with, couldn't have their own credit card, like obviously and couldn't get a well paying enough job, obviously these marriages lasted because women didn't have a way out and they were just surviving these marriages for 50 plus years.
So yeah, things have obviously changed.
And I do think that it's just amazing how a lot of men don't understand that if you are willing to do So some of the domestic tours have a full -time job just like the woman and just have emotional intelligence accountability and are like reliable and faithful like you already are sadly way above like 75 percent of these men.
Yeah and also what you're going to share in the child carrying, you know child rearing um, responsibilities as well, you know, like be a, be ready to, to be a, an E a co -parent, not just, you know, children are seen, but not heard kind of father, you know.
Um, yeah, like a neglectful, crappy father.
I mean, without for, yeah, like just not even a present dad, I totally agree.
So I'm curious to our, to our listeners, what this male loneliness epidemic, how it's manifesting in their cultures, like whether you're in China or India or Pakistan or South Korea or Japan or Mexico or Latin America, wherever you are in the world, I'm just curious to see how it's manifesting, if it has manifested, how gender roles are changing, how independence for women is changing, how education for women is changing like what factors you think really contribute.
Yeah, so please leave us a comment down below or shoot us a message at A to Z English Podcast at Gmail .com and make sure you join the WeTech group and yeah, join in on the conversation there.
We will talk to you guys next time.
Bye bye. Bye bye. This is an ad by Regain Couples Therapy and features real testimonials.
This was our first time trying therapy, and honestly, it was long overdue.
Looking back, we just wish we had started sooner.
Regain's qualified therapists help couples when they can't get there on their own.
We thought it was intimacy issues, but Andrea helped us uncover a deeper root cause we hadn't even realized was there.
Visit regain .com slash couples pod to get 10 % off your first month.
Regain, couples therapy that works.
When we started writing our thoughts down on paper, it opened up endless possibilities.
ideas could grow beyond the borders of the mind and it changed the world.
Somewhere along the way we lost touch with paper distracted by devices made for every purpose except for thinking and focus.
On edge waiting for the next notification but what if new technology didn't pull us away from paper but brought us closer to it?
Listen. That's not paper.
It's the sound of the new remarkable Paper Pro, rewriting the future.
A paper tablet with a true -color ink display, gentle reading light, and unheard -of tactility.
With digital features for taking notes, thinking, and organizing without any distractions.
Paper is about to change the world again.
Get your paper tablet at remarkable .com today.
