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Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeart Radio.
Good morning. This is Laura.
Welcome to the Before Breakfast Podcast.
Today's tip is to make complete plans, even if they're tentative.
It's a lot easier to plan around something specific, rather than a nebulous plan like a walk on Thursday or quick chat Tuesday.
Sometimes it's fine to be vague, but it is good to be clear on exactly why the vagueness is happening.
I have learned over the years that people often approach time differently.
If you are listening to this podcast, you probably like to plan things.
You like to know when, where, and with who.
Things will be happening.
Some of your friends may be a bit more oriented to letting their days unfold as they may.
If you want to spend time with these people, this can sometimes be tricky.
You might get a plan from them like, we'll get a drink on Monday.
Let's touch base then. But what does this actually mean?
Drinks Monday evening with your friend could be 515 near her office, or 8 o'clock near her apartment, or any time in place in between.
If you've got anything else you are thinking of doing in the evening, this can feel frustrating.
Should you plan on going to the gym after work or not?
Can you make a plan to check in with another friend by Zoom at 830 or no?
Now obviously you could just make your other plans and then let the first plan go if it conflicts.
But most people who really like to plan really don't like to do that.
So what can you do? If you have friends who tend not to want to commit to specifics in advance, one approach is to offer a draft complete plan that you can both hold loosely and firm up later.
For instance, if someone suggests walking together before work later this week, and you would like to make that happen, you could say, how about I plan on us walking at 7 a.m.
Thursday morning in your neighborhood?
If a different time or place works better for you, let me know and hopefully that will work for me too.
That way you create a specific anchor that will serve as your mental model of the event.
For both of you. You also get something specific on your calendar so you can plan around it.
If your friend wants to adjust the time or place later, you can try, but you don't have to hold the whole morning to accommodate every possible time and place.
Rather than you and your friend each having separate working assumptions about what the plan is, the draft complete plan you propose means you'll have a shared understanding of time and place.
Your friend will know she needs to communicate if she wants something different.
Not only do specific plans make it easier to schedule the rest of your day, but I also find that specific plans get forgotten less frequently than more nebulous plans.
People tend not to put things like drinks with Sarah Monday evening in their calendar even, because there's not a specific time slot to put them in.
So in Monday evening rolls around, it is possible your friend may not even remember your intention to get together.
Much better to suggest a draft specific complete plan so everybody records it, and so everybody who wants to can plan around it.
Now I do understand that sometimes people have their reasons for making more vague plans.
Your friend doesn't actually know what time she'll get off work.
She really wants to see you, but she's loath to say 630 and then have to call and cancel if she can't leave yet at that point.
Now this may feel a little unfair to you, but the vagueness is her compromise between her desires and her reality.
If you really want to get together with a person with a job like that, you can decide if you can live without arrangement.
I will say that I also sometimes try to avoid making specific plans with work calls to avoid my tendency to cut up the day mentally with scheduled things.
I have the personality type where if something is scheduled for a specific time, I will move heaven and earth to make it happen at that time, even though that's not always justified.
So for matters where I just need to connect at some point, I might tell people to feel free to give me a call when it works for them and we will try to figure it out.
But obviously if something is truly important or urgent, I will make a specific plan, and I am guessing you will too.
Sometimes a lack of specificity is because people don't really care enough.
We're just fine in a way, but it's probably something to keep in mind.
If someone you know won't commit to a time, maybe you just decide to enjoy seeing each other at events you both happen to come to.
You don't need to drive yourself crazy, trying to make specific plans, with someone who doesn't, like to be pinned down.
In the meantime, this is Laura.
Thanks for listening, and here's to making the most of our time.
Thanks for listening to Before Breakfast.
If you've got questions, ideas, or feedback, you can reach me at Laura at LauraVandercam.com.
Before Breakfast is a production of I Heart Media, or more podcasts from I Heart Media, please visit the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
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