What if the love of your life had been sitting across a conference table from you for 10 years, but neither of you realized it?
Or maybe you did, maybe, but the timing just wasn't right.
Today, we're hearing the story of CG and Travis.
The two of them met as ambitious young professionals building a better Atlanta through their work with the Urban League.
Over the years, they became each other's ride or die as co-chairs, creative collaborators and best friends.
There were a few dates sprinkled in their words not mine but the real romance didn't start until CG threw a curveball and moved to New Orleans.
This is a story about finding your person when you least expect it, about building a relationship in trust, service and shared purpose, and then then choosing each other boldly and clearly when it really counts.
My recommitted co-host, Christine Pride, the author of the brand new second chance romance All the Men I've Loved, Again is doing this interview with CG and Travis, and I think you're really going to enjoy it.
The early days of their love story starts when the two of them met in the Urban League of Greater Atlanta Young Professionals.
Well, thank you so much for being here with me today, CJ and Travis.
I'm really excited to talk to you about your own sort of second chance.
Romance is the terminology we've been throwing around.
Yeah.
So I would love to just start with your story and I guess, part one of your story, which is when you connected sort of way back when and when that was.
So I'm going to start it off.
We met in the Urban League of Greater Atlanta Young Professionals in 2000.
Man.
And at the time, it was, I think, called the Atlanta Urban League Young Professionals.
They eventually changed the name.
I mean, maybe 2007-ish or something like that.
I can't recall.
But somewhere around there.
Yeah.
And I had recently graduated from Clark Atlanta University and I was looking to find like a non-collegiate network in Atlanta and like other young professionals.
So I joined the organization.
Travis had already been a member.
Yeah.
It might've been like 2010.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think it was something like that.
Yeah.
So Travis had been a member and, um, at the time that I joined, you were chairing a committee.
The personal and professional development committee.
It was the committee responsible for putting on the actual programming, like the educational food for the members.
Um, Things like getting yourself ready to buy a home or moving up in career and things like that.
And so I was chairing that committee at the time.
And that was like speaking my language, maybe love language, who knows.
But that was, I joined his committee and then we started interacting in like committee meetings.
And somewhere along the way, there was a date sprinkled in there.
Yeah.
Well, we started interacting.
We started in our... That sounds very tricky.
I need to know more about how a date gets sprinkled in.
You accidentally found yourself at dinner?
Before that, you can't get past... It was very much professional and work-based.
She was my.
She quickly became a valued member of my committee who I could depend on to get things done.
You know she's very well organized and sort of became my lieutenant in the meeting in the committee.
And so...
We really bonded and connected.
You end up having those pre-meetings to get ready for the committee meeting, because I would bounce things off of her.
And then you have those post-meeting meetings to kind of debrief.
And we had an official day.
But we kind of got together for post-gatherings, grab a meal, grab a drink, to kind of catch up.
Just work-related with respect to the Urban League and community service is really the origin of our connection.
So there was a date at some point back to my original, like there was a date sprinkled in there and a couple of dates here and there.
And then fast forward, Travis became the president of the organization.
He was vice president.
Like there were several different steps along the way.
And I became his vice president.
And we weren't really dating during that time.
No, it was very much still like the just partners in service.
Really dependable, really connected, though.
I mean, I would say CJ could kind of read my mind or read the things that I the gaps that I had.
And so it was just a natural, real tight connection.
Great friendship relationship kind of from the start.
Yeah, for sure.
And then we continued on.
I became president.
He was on the National Urban League board.
He was the immediate press president.
Lots of things were happening.
There was a book.
We wrote the book in between there.
You sprinkled in a date, a couple dates, and a book.
We sprinkled in a book.
We were working together on the book stuff too.
I have a communications background and in public relations.
When he wrote the book, I had lots of thoughts and opinions about what could happen with the book and its co-author and how they could have speaking engagements.
So like there was a little bit of that work.
Yeah, how to get it out there.
Yeah.
We really just kind of transferred the working relationship that we had with Urban League into sort of in the business and the book promotion and like servicing people with the book.
We trained people on, it was an informational reference guide.
So we just continued to just do things together.
It was like a thing.
And then I threw a curveball.
Moved to New Orleans from Atlanta for a job.
And that's when really, I think, was more like the second chance, the second go-round moment.
Yeah, because you know, while we're working serving the community, we would kind of date and think about maybe being something more, but never really getting there.
There were things in between.
And so I think her moving, kind of made me think about it a lot more.
You know, it's like, all right.
And I guess that's how life goes.
It's like oh, when something's there present, you don't really realize how valuable or important it is to you until you're like wait that person, whatever it is, it's going to be distant.
It kind of hit me.
And I will never forget that conversation that we had because I literally, I was moving to New Orleans for work, but I was catching a flight earlier than my start date because Beyonce was performing in New York and I or not?
New York, in New Orleans.
And I wanted to be there for the concert, but he was like, we should try this out.
And I was like, okay.
But it was like a bomb that dropped right before moving.
And then we just, I mean really, I think that from that point on, that was like the official, we're doing this.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean well, and it was still, I think, I think it was still.
You probably had a question mark, because it was kind of like I communicated some things and she was leaving, you know, moving her life.
I was like, why now?
Moving on with her life.
And so at that point you kind of realize, you know it's like all right.
As a guy you're like all right.
Well, I kind of, I know I got to make her understand for real that this is not, you know some, some flighty situation or or some game.
So, you know, we connected, we would see each other in both cities for various reasons.
We, We had lots of reasons to be in the other person's city.
Different reasons all the time.
It was amazing how we kept finding reasons to be either in Atlanta or New Orleans.
Yeah, and it just kind of built from there.
And what I really loved about the New Orleans piece and the role that that played in our long-term relationship was we were away from the hustle and bustle of Atlanta that we were used to.
And it was really just us.
We were able to really... to spend time together.
I knew some people in New Orleans and I had formed a few friendships, but not a lot.
So like when he would come and be in town and things like that, it was really, it was special to me.
Yeah, we got to spend time without all the distraction.
And that's the thing you know when you are home and we're very both career driven and community driven, we very rarely have open spots on our calendar and you find yourself kind of distracted even when you're spending time together, because there's other people, other expectations.
But you know, New Orleans kind of allowed us to kind of focus on each other and really really get to know each other even better.
I feel like that was a time frame where like, I really started to think about the things that really mattered most to him.
He came one year to New Orleans or early on.
When I moved to New Orleans and it was Labor Day weekend
And that's a big football college weekend.
And it's like the first games of the season in Michigan.
He's an alum of the University of Michigan and like a diehard fan.
And their game was playing and I knew he would be in New Orleans.
And I was just so like I joined the New Orleans Alumni Club on Facebook and I was so super thoughtful about him getting to have like a experience, because I knew that that was what he would want to do.
And like I feel like that timeframe was when I tried to really like learn him outside of civic engagement and volunteering and like being young professionals.
Like I really wanted to know like what mattered most to him.
Yeah, likewise.
To know me is to know that Michigan and Michigan football is a must.
It just is.
And we kind of carry that theme throughout our lives.
I mean to this day, I think, whenever we travel, CG does a great job of finding the local Michigan watch.
And there is a local Michigan watch everywhere you go.
In the world.
In the world.
In the world.
We've watched Michigan game like in Rome.
Like it's everywhere you go.
It has become so like a part of the, it's the thing.
Like it's the thing that we do.
So like, and all of that was birthed in New Orleans.
I even remember I didn't even own anything Michigan related or branded, but I wanted to wear the colors.
So I wore like a yellow shirt and I felt like connected to him and like getting really getting to know him.
We definitely worked on kind of understanding each other, learning about sort of background, family background,
I think I got a lot more information about sort of life and kind of CG's upbringing and things that matter from a family standpoint, just kind of having longer, deeper conversations without folks getting in there and kind of putting in their two cents.
And so that was it was very vital to kind of allowing us to Put everything else aside and talk listen bond, get to know each other.
We explored New Orleans together.
She was living there but knew there.
And so we kind of moved through the city.
Kayaked on the bayou.
It was great.
Yeah, everything.
Got a lot of shoes dirty.
You know, anything.
Pop a streetcar for a second.
Just all of it. took it all in, ate lots of beignets.
Good food.
Yeah.
And that, you know, it's kind of a cheat code, right?
Like New Orleans, is a great place to have great times with people because you're going to eat fantastically all the time.
And I tell people when I visit New Orleans, it's a four meal a day one person city.
And I, you know, like looking back on it, I feel like when I would tell friends, like you know, Travis is coming to town, or we're doing this or doing that.
It's almost like we were new to each other, but we had already known each other forever.
Like, but it was just that that was such a pivotal time for both of us to like get to know each other in a different way.
And so I, New Orleans was a special time and a special place for us.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
Well, you just learn that sometimes you know you can know people professionally and really not know them on a human side.
For better or for worse, this happened to me for much better, right?
It was an extra bonus.
I was always extraordinarily impressed with CG's work ethic and just kind of her business.
And so you know, I'm like man.
I got all this admiration, this adoration with a professional person that she is and was.
But then I'm like oh, and she's like awesome as a person, just awesome to be, be around, hang with, get to know.
We are an adventure couple.
We are aligned in that we both say, okay, let's do it.
We will chase a bus and we will get on a bus in a foreign city and ride that bus and see to get to a festival that we just learned about when we heard and when we landed in the place.
We will climb tall stairs, long stairs together and Our very first trip like literally just us two, because we had gone to like Urban League conferences and been in the same space outside of Atlanta before.
But our very first trip together actually second, because our first one was to Michigan for his dad's birthday.
That was my very first time interacting with more than one or two family members.
But our second trip, just us alone, was to Egypt.
And people were floored.
They were like, you can't just travel with anybody.
Like you can't just go to Egypt with a whole human and not and I mean like we didn't know each other's like travel patterns.
You know, you have things that you like, you have hotel preferences, you have things like that.
But we, I mean, we just, we just did it.
I'm easy.
I'm easy.
You know, I'm easy.
I'm going to take the credit.
I go with the flow and I can do anything.
So, you know, I'm easy to travel with.
He was easy back then.
He's grown up and, you know, more life experiences inform more needs.
That's how that works.
We need a certain type of mattress.
I don't know if we could have gone to Egypt now at this age.
But back then, yes, I feel like we were both fairly easy-ish people.
Um, but then fast forward.
So we were all, I was only in, um, in new Orleans for a year, not by design.
It just kind of happened that way.
Um, move back to Atlanta.
Um, and then that was like our first time really being in Atlanta full time as a couple, like as a thing.
So it was almost like we were allow us to reintroduce ourselves.
So like people, because not everybody really knew, since we had been kind of dating long distance, that we were a thing.
So that was interesting, like to get back in the groove of things.
And I was trying to figure out like what direction I wanted to go in in Atlanta.
Did I want to rejoin all the organizations?
Did I want to do the same thing?
So we were trying to figure all that out.
And then you proposed.
Yeah, he's sprinkled in a proposal.
It's so funny.
Hi christine, pride here.
After writing two books with your friend in mind, joe piazza, i've written a solo debut novel.
All the Men I've Loved Again is a coming-of-age love story about a woman who dates two men back-to-back in her 20s and then the same two men again in her 40s.
It's a heartfelt tale of first love and second chances, and I hope you'll check it out.
All the Men I've Loved Again is available on July 8th wherever books are sold.
I'm pretty sure we, you know, we're dating...
I communicated, if she came back to Atlanta, I would propose.
Yeah.
And Travis is a man of his word, like through and through in all situations friends family business, the kids, everything.
If he says he's going to do something, he's going to do it.
So she came back.
And he proposed.
But you know what was so cool about that, though?
So I feel like Beyonce always plays a pivotal part in our story.
So first it was me going to New Orleans and like I was hopping a plane to go see Beyonce in New Orleans.
Then I went with a girlfriend to New York to see Beyonce.
And it was on that trip that he flew to Texas and met my dad and asked for my hand.
And that was like super special because that was a part of the proposal.
And I was completely caught off guard.
Like he proposed on my birthday, like we were having... just birthday dinner, just me and him.
And I had planned this big after dinner kind of thing.
Like I told all my friends, oh, meet us at this restaurant for a nightcap.
Not thinking that this would be the night.
And he had handled every detail.
I mean, he can tell it better than I can because I just showed up.
But yeah.
Yeah.
So my partner in crime man I had to talk to, talked to one of her cousins to get information, actually to get an audience with her father.
Because, you know, I'm modern, I'm innovative, but I'm traditional in a lot of ways.
And I think that, you know, I think you should ask.
That's just kind of how it goes for me.
And so I hadn't had a lot of interaction with her father at the time.
But so her cousin, who I'd grown to have a really good relationship with, kind of coordinated it, work it out.
And I knew she would be gone, but I only had like a quick turnaround.
It was like 24 hours.
Cause you were going up and coming right back.
So I got a one day flight.
Um, not even a whole day.
I think it was like, I probably was there for six hours or something.
Six of them got.
Went to you know, got on a plane, flew to Texas, hopped in the car, rented a car, drove down um had had ribs for the father.
He was like, look, you gonna come down on his territory.
You know, he's like, you're going to Texas.
You have to have ribs.
Like it was a punishment.
I'm like, he made me have ribs.
He made me have the best ribs in the world.
And so, you know, we sat down and, you know, he was good about it.
He was very, very, he made it, he made it easy.
And so you know, asked him and and I I recorded my travel, you know my, my getting on a plane and kind of returning, and gave a little commentary because all of this was going to go into the proposal.
And so I got back, you know, and put a video together and kind of waited.
I actually had the ring forever.
And I had no idea.
I'm that type of person.
Like, I like to have the things I need on hand.
And so I had gotten the ring well in advance.
I just hadn't had an opportunity to go talk to Ralph.
But once I got that done, it was, you know, greenlit.
And her birthday was a perfect opportunity because I knew she was going to have all of her people there at the after party.
You know the party.
And I got a photographer, you know, to kind of meet us at the spot.
You do want pictures.
Of course.
If I don't, if I don't document the moment, it didn't happen.
Pay a huge price for that.
So, you know, learned that one early.
I learned that one before marriage, obviously.
You know, you learn, you learn, you're supposed to learn some of these things later.
I knew that one was early.
Yeah.
And it was great.
I had one of my good friends had plotted and helped me as well.
So got the photographer, worked with the management at the restaurant.
And they were very nice.
Because I think we got there late.
Yeah.
Because somebody was taking a little bit of time.
I was getting my nails done.
And I'm so glad I did.
Because I didn't even know.
And my nails were done.
Right.
I think we were like an hour late.
I had to call.
I got to get a restaurant.
They were very good.
They just kept pushing it with me and being very like, it's OK.
And when we got there, they were they were clandestine.
I was I was I loved it.
They were so I felt like everybody was so nice.
But I was like, oh, you know, he probably told about the reservation.
It's my birthday.
But I was like, gosh, everybody's so nice.
And we had never been to this restaurant.
So I was like, this is a really good first impression.
I was like, I like this place.
I love that.
Wait, I want to back up in the proposal for a second, because what do you think in the push-pull or the tentative, the dates that were sprinkled in where you obviously were colleagues and working together but there was some hint of romance or you both obviously had an attraction or there was something there.
What do you think prevented you this something there, from taking off kind of in that first chapter?
That was then obviously something changed and that was different in what we'll think of as the second chapter.
What do you think the difference was, or what happened there?
There's not a ton of mystery.
I mean we were we were young at that time right, so it was young professionals in atlanta, i think.
Before we connected like we had, you know uh, interests here, there or whatever um, and so i think other interests were kind of in space at the time, and so it was easy to just focus on work.
But no, obviously she was, the moment I saw CG, I was like, she's hot.
Like, she's attractive, right?
Like it was like.
Now that that's, it wasn't one of them slow burns like oh, you know what you know.
No, like, that was, I think, you know, first time.
And I mean, that, like, He's a little bit older than I am.
And I kind of felt like I mean, I know that there were times where I was like gosh, this guy's got it all together.
He's working and he's a professional in Atlanta and he's an attorney.
I was like I'm kind of young and inexperienced and don't really know what I want to do professionally.
And I'm trying out a lot of different things.
So I mean, we were definitely both like in a stage of life where we probably neither one of us were looking for anything serious.
So we were dating, we were trying to figure things out.
And so a safe space for us was, we're really good friends.
And I mean, like, honestly, I feel like I talk to you like every day.
Like it was something, there was always something.
And then I also look to him for a lot of just like advice and counsel in life.
So you know, like if I was making a work decision or something, I would find myself calling to ask his two cents.
And so I feel like we just we interacted all the time.
We just weren't like romantically interacting all the time.
Yeah.
So if friendship can be a barrier, I think that's like it was so it was such a friendship.
It was definitely just good, easy, like, yeah, one of the best friendships, you know?
Yeah.
It still is.
And so you guys don't consider that you had a breakup per se, right?
In the, in the first, while you were dating, you feel like it just, or tell me how you feel.
Did it fizzle?
It fizzled as dating, but maintained as like friends.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It was like, this is, this is good.
Like this is working in this way, you know?
And there was still a lot of hang time between like, all the social activities with the Urban League and meetings and you know, meetups and work and things like that.
And so there was a lot of like interaction time.
It's not like we were like living completely separate, different lives.
Yeah.
And were you dating other people, though, during this time then?
And then, you know, before you sort of got back together.
Okay.
Right.
That's a factor, sprinkling in the other people too.
Yeah, there are some sprinkles, you know, but you have to tell our story.
Exactly, I hear you.
And then what, so then what changed, right?
I mean, I think, this idea of people, however much there's a fine line or a sharp line of a breakup, or a fizzle or a drift, or what have you?
What changed?
What do you think was the catalyst for bringing you back together in a way that you both now, as described as we're going to do this right?
Was it, would you consider it was the move, and you know what about that, your move to New Orleans and what about that, you know, sort of was a game changer.
The move definitely had a lot to do with it.
I think it was a, it was a combination though.
I think like life was happening in a very extraordinary way across the board.
I know, no, for me, I was making a lot of sort of life change, going through a lot of life changes.
And I think when you have major responsibilities coming hard on you, you started to inventory.
You know me, I kind of tighten ranks.
So it's kind of like, all right, you know what?
I need to surround myself with the people that matter, the people I can trust.
And then let me reevaluate every relationship that I have.
And I think I did sort of an evaluation.
I was like.
You know like, this relationship with CG is one of the ones that's been the most fulfilling, is one I can count on the most.
It, it poured more into me than it took out of me.
And so, you know, I think that made me, I was already thinking on that, reflecting on that.
And then she popped up like, Oh, I'm on a move.
Like I hadn't.
I hadn't kind of communicated anything, or but I think that made me really think about it.
Like all right man, like you know you only have, you know, the most important relationship you can kind of have after.
Like you know, you got your parents, you got your siblings you don't choose those and children you make but like your partner, that's who you're going to be with.
And then I was just thinking about things like that.
And over the, I mean, it's funny because as a friend, we had accomplished a lot of things together.
We had created things that helped a lot of people, you know, it's funny.
You think about like the urban league.
It's, It's an organization and we mentioned a lot, but the thing that it did was it was sort of the catalyst to allow us to do things that we cared about and enjoyed and touch people.
Registered thousands of voters, educated people, helped entrepreneurs start businesses.
We created a machine that would train entrepreneurs and we were doing our thing together, and there's very little a person can do that makes them feel like they're alive and living their purpose, more than sort of contributing to the community around them in ways of empowerment, education and kind of living their own financial dreams.
And we were doing that all the time to get us successful and having a good time doing it.
You know like party having a good time.
You know, it's crazy.
Like, what else can you ask for?
That's amazing.
Yeah.
Well, I love that.
And I love when you were talking about your time together in New Orleans.
I think one thing that has come up in my own personal life with a second chance romance and some of the people that Joe and I have been talking to for this podcast is, is that there's a certain amount of intentionality when you're coming sort of back together or you're making the decision to be together in a different capacity than maybe you were before.
And the stakes maybe feel more clarified and you sort of know what you want.
And that's a different kind of approach to a relationship than maybe the first time around, as you guys described, where it's a little more.
We'll see what happens here, right.
Those are two kind of different mindsets and people tend to have those two different mindsets at the different phases of a relationship.
That's, you know, a reconnection.
Yeah.
I mean, when I moved to New Orleans, I did not have that on my bingo card.
Like nothing about that was supposed to happen.
And especially the way that it happened, the timing.
I was currently serving as the president of the Urban League and I was in the middle of a two-year term and had to step down in order to move.
And I don't know, like there was, like you said, like the intentionality, like we saw each other and figured it out and made it happen despite like crazy schedules and loads of responsibilities in two separate states, more so than I even saw some of my friends, like some of my girlfriends, you know, just weren't able, to get down to new Orleans while I was down there.
So it's like there.
There definitely for me was a was a moment where I was like okay, he like, and again, I've always known him to do what he says he's going to do.
And so it was like, I see this and I know what this means, you know?
And if he says that this is real and we're doing this, I'm, I'm all in kind of thing.
So, um, it was that move.
I mean, this whole conversation makes me want to hop a plane to New Orleans right now and like reminisce and enjoy some time.
Because I mean, it's like I just I'm smiling thinking about all the memories there and the moments and the restaurants and the time, because it was, it was extremely intentional.
And it's kind of where your relationship was born.
And that's, you know, really sweet to have that, you know, kind of backdrop.
But it sounds very cinematic and romantic and delicious.
The other thing that, you know, comes up a lot with...
When I say second chance romance, you know the idea that people are reconnecting, and sometimes it's a short period of time that people are apart, and sometimes it's a long period of time, but either way, people are farther along in their life.
However, it is right.
And the farther along we get in our lives, the more complicated our lives get.
And you guys have talked about that a little bit.
So was that a factor in your relationship in terms of the the, the logistics you know with long distance and the other things that you had to allow for to make this relationship work, that you didn't necessarily have to account for when you were more casually dating or, you know, the first time around?
How did you navigate all of that?
Or was that a factor?
I mean, we were definitely in a different place professionally by the time we started dating and we're in New Orleans.
I mean, when I moved to New Orleans, it was for advancement and like a promotion.
So I had way more responsibilities than I had in Atlanta.
And I also covered more territory and just areas.
So scheduling for sure.
And I'm a scheduling kind of gal.
I like to know, but I also like to have time to rest.
So you know, that was definitely a thing in trying to coordinate, you know, coming to town or being in Atlanta or things like that.
And you, I mean, the firm.
Yeah.
Yeah.
The firm was in the, like, infancy stages.
Yeah.
So he launched his own firm.
There was, you know, I think, to your point, though, I think it really was the intention.
Like, there's a reason why they say married couples, long term, you should do getaways.
It's just something to be said about having intensive time without distractions, away from whatever things you have.
Those things might pop through an email or a text message here and there, but that situation allowed us to just carve out time together.
Right now I wonder how many relationships might be better off if folks could find a way to do two days of intensive time.
Maybe not every day, but here and there, every month, every couple weeks or so.
I think it's something to be said about that.
I mean, anything that ever, relationships, people do retreats when they join boards.
And, you know, when you come to a company, there's, you know.
Onboarding.
Yeah, there's these things that help people forge contacts, connections, and understanding.
And I think we were doing that.
Right.
Yeah.
No, that's such a great point.
And do you think that, do you think your coupledom or your, you know, coming together is an example of the timing working out the way it should, right?
Is this, like all things happen in their own time and that if the timing you know, if you tried to force it earlier or you, you know, forced it later, you know it would have made a difference.
Or do you?
Is there a part of you that feels like I wish we had made a go of it?
You know, in a more serious way, five years earlier.
I definitely think timing matters.
Yeah.
I mean, there are times where I think, I'm like, man, I wish we would have like started earlier.
You know, I wish we would have just had more time, you know, together as a couple or even married.
You know like if we would have met and dated for a year and then got married.
At the same time, I'm like when it happened and the way it happened and how it happened was exactly what was supposed to happen.
Yeah.
It just, it feels right.
And I think it's just like, you know, we talked about it earlier.
We were, we were younger, just you're in a different head space.
You know, I don't know that there's, I don't know that there was room for, for that.
When we first met and we're getting to know each other, I just don't think you know.
Part of it is a maturation.
It's an understanding of, And then if, at the time, you start to understand life a little bit better and right, you also find yourself within arm's reach of each other.
Then I think that's kind of how it worked out.
It kind of is how it worked out.
So I think the timing was the timing.
And I mean I also sometimes like, especially coming out of a global pandemic, I'm like there's no other human I would have wanted to have been with during the global pandemic other than this one.
I mean, we were going to have to be in the same house every day, all day, like things like that.
But I'm like, man, like, what if we would have done this earlier?
Would I have felt that way during the global pandemic?
Or was that the right time?
You know, like were we at the right point in our marriage and the time that we had been together to experience something like that and like deal with it.
I think that's what's so hard but fascinating about these stories, I mean, and life in general, is that you can always play the sliding doors game right.
You can look back and say well, if we had met at this time, or we reconnected at this time, or caused by this time, or if this hadn't happened, or this happened right.
And it's so hard to game all of that out.
And there's so much.
I think and maybe I'm speaking personally, you know sort of fear about that right.
Like making sure that you're at the right place at the right time, or feeling like you have this sense of control and you're making all the right choices all along the way, right.
But that doesn't account for a lot of what happens in life and relationships, which is fate, and timing really do intervene right.
These things happen that are beyond... your control.
And so you sort of have to seize it when it does.
And then when it works out as it has you know for you guys, then you say right like, oh wow, everything lined up, right.
And in the exact right way, which is fascinating.
I think the other thing that's interesting too is so much of relationships is this fear I think sometimes of of being the one who got, you know, got away, or losing the one that got away.
And Travis, you seem to allude to something like that in you know, when you talk about CG moving and it's almost like you know, I recognize that she might be the one that could get away if I don't kind of act now like act on that instinct.
Is that how you felt?
That's exactly how I felt.
No, I mean, I think she'll get it.
One thing I will say that, Once I decide on something, I'm pretty clear about it.
And I come to that kind of realization, that understanding.
And she was leaving.
And I was like well, all right, I don't know exactly what real chance there is, but I'm going to at least say what I got to say.
And that's brave.
That's so bold and brave, right?
Because you could see another couple in the exact same circumstance, where I think so much of it could be well, now they're moving away, or well, now they got this other job, or now they met this other person, or now they right.
Like deciding it's too late before... kind of making the leap to make sure it's not too late.
Right.
And I think sometimes people's fears get in the way of that.
I mean I'm glad he had his big bold moment, because I don't know that I, you know, it's not like one of those things like oh, I'm bummed.
I'm going to miss my friend kind of thing.
But it was more of a confirmation for me of where his intentions were.
And I feel like from the very beginning, even as, like we were working on community service stuff, I was always like I'm black and white.
I don't like gray.
Like, I don't like the in-between.
I can't, like, I can't process the in-between.
I like to just know or we're not doing it.
Yes or no.
And so that moment where he shared how he felt was really, really, really important.
I don't even know if he knew how important it was to me, especially at the time.
But like, I needed to know that going into a new chapter in life.
And were you surprised when he made this sort of open proclamation in a way?
I don't know if it was surprise.
It was actually coming off of a really long day of gallivanting and frolicking for going away.
So I think I was kind of like, um, okay.
But I think it was more so for me, it felt like, what's next?
I think I was more so like, okay, now that I know this, I'm also leaving.
So what's next?
So there probably was a little bit of anxiety in there.
And Travis, were you nervous making this?
Is it fair to call it a confession to CJ about your feelings and what you wanted you know to happen between you two?
Interestingly enough, not really.
I just, I don't know, you know, I'm unique in that regard, I believe.
Things that got to be said or done.
Whether they're challenging or whatever, I don't really make a lot of qualms about them one way or the other, you know.
So she was either going to respond positively or not.
And it was kind of like the way I feel about a lot of things is like to your point, I'm not going to be that guy.
That's like man.
I wish I had her.
So I was like well, at the very least it's either going to work out, But at the very least, if they don't, I ain't going to never regret not saying something.
And so that was just kind of how it was.
It was like, all right, this has got to be done, you know, period.
So, no, I wasn't nervous.
And then, but I knew that she wasn't sure.
I had given her reason, you know, just being real, you know, all that time in between.
The dash.
You know there's the starting and then there's the and there's a lot of stuff that goes in between the dash right.
And so...
I think that I knew in the situation that if it was going to work out, she had some convincing.
She had a fair right to be like, well, okay, well, we'll see.
I mean, cool.
And so I was kind of like well, the good news in that regard is that I'm 100 in control of actually showing up and showing what I mean.
And so I was kind of like, well, this is cool.
As long as I got a window.
I'm going to do my part.
I love that so much.
What was, just for factual sake, what was the time frame for this?
How long were you friends in the beginning part and then drifting and then you know.
Just so I get a sense of, are we talking 10 years?
We were friends for 10 years?
Yeah, we were friends for 10 years.
Then...
Dated for about.
I mean, there were like moments of dating and then friends and then.
So I would say this whole, you know, Put the New Orleans to Atlanta time frame was about a year and a half.
That was a year, yeah.
That was pretty much almost a year to the date you went when it was, you know, like your anniversary there.
Yeah.
And you were coming back.
Yeah.
And then Well, how long would you say between sort of your last date that was sprinkled in, and travis calling and saying i need to tell you something with my whole heart 10 years yeah, because like we met and went out on a date, you know, like early in the initial stages of meeting and volunteering together, and then we're friends for the remainder of that time.
So yeah, so it was like 10 years amazing, I know.
But also, that's what time is as an adult.
It's like 10 years.
Oh, my God.
And also 10 years.
It's wild time.
Well, thank you guys so much.
Is there anything I would?
Usually I've been ending by asking people if there's advice that they have for, you know, other couples who are thinking about marriage, kind of trying to make a second go, or you know there's individuals even who are thinking about the one that got away.
And you've already given some great relationship advice.
I love the kind of treat your relationship like a company and, you know, have this retreat where you can really or the offsite, as they say in the corporate lingo, where you can really, you know, invest in connecting.
But do you guys have any other advice at all for people, for couples, who might find themselves drifting apart or drifting back together?
I mean I'll share what I tell most of my girlfriends that are like looking for love and things like that.
I always tell them that their person is probably already in their circle and they're overthinking who they're spending like their time with already.
Because I feel like every time I look back on it, like the laughs that we had as friends.
You know like he would make me like belly laugh.
And I'm like, who else was I laughing with like that?
You know, or the, oh, let's go talk about, you know, changing the world together.
You know, I wasn't having conversations with anybody like that.
And those are things that matter to me.
Like, I want to be happy and I want to impact the world.
And so to have that person, he was right there the whole time, that whole 10 years.
So I always tell folks, just don't overthink it.
Think about who's already in your immediate circle.
Yeah, I would say, with respect to the folks who are thinking about making a second go at it, I would don't leave any plays on the field.
You know, it's kind of like, just get it out.
Whatever fears you have, it's either.
I said this kind of early, but I restated it's either going to work out or it isn't.
But at least let the facts speak.
Let the response bear that out, as opposed to your head cutting off an opportunity or whatever inside you that's preventing you from at least finding out.
Because you can live your life with your partner because it works out, or you can live your life knowing that that wasn't your partner.
Clearly, right?
That's a much better position than whatever you're doing with the rest of your life later on, wondering like man what if?
Well, I wish.
Leave nothing to chance.
Just go ahead and get your confirmation.
If it doesn't work out, something will work out down the road.
Grab your copy of All the Men I've Loved Again wherever books are sold today.
Committed is executive, produced and reported by me, Joe Piazza and, in this case of Recommitted, by Christine Pride.
Our show is executive produced by Ramsey Yount.
And if you have any Recommitted or Committed stories, you can email us at joe at influentialmediabiz.
Have a great day.
