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What first comes up for me is just that we are unique.
There's nothing that can take that away.
There is an innate uniqueness to all of us.
Have you ever wished you had a wise meditation teacher on speed dial?
Someone you can call after a long day. Someone you could lean on for their advice.
Someone to listen and help you to see things differently.
Welcome to Dear Headspace. Hi, everyone.
I am excited to be sitting here with you for another episode of Dear Headspace. a podcast where I sit down with one of our meditation teachers and we answer your questions about the ins, the outs, the ups and the Downs.
I'm Robin Hopkins and today it's me and Sam or as I call her Sammer.
Hi, Robin. I'm so happy to be here this morning, your afternoon.
It's wonderful. I know, me too. Thank you for accommodating a little early start so I can. go see my daughter's musical theater, whatever that is going to be.
I don't know. You don't know the musical?
It's more like a school end of, the year kind of like you know your face is just says everything like Well, I also know that when I get there, as soon as kids start... singing, I start crying.
So like I'm always the parent that's just sitting there like just with tears, just streaming down her face, trying desperately not to cry.
And it never works. Now let yourself cry.
So wonderful. I know, but it's so. embarrassing.
It's like I'm okay with it. Generally speaking, I know I'm a crier.
But like you got like a little seventh grader staring at you and you're like, is she okay?
What happened to that lady? Thank you. My mom was such a crier.
So if she didn't cry, I felt like I was doing something wrong.
Like it must be. You're like, well, this stinks.
Oh my God, that's hilarious. So outside of that, this week...
I had this pretty high stakes presentation.
It was like for a TV pitch. And I sometimes wonder if all the prep and the worrying about the flow... is actually worse than the meeting or the pitch itself and you know and that got me thinking What could you give a 40-minute presentation on with absolutely no preparation?
Well, obviously mindfulness, definitely.
And then- I should have said- Cheater, I should have said outside of mindfulness.
I mean, a lot of things surrounding mental health, emotion regulation or how to cultivate positive emotions or nonviolent communication and identifying your strengths and values, things like that.
I mean, those are things that I have... presented on and led many, many times.
But I'm thinking, as you asked the question, I'm thinking, what would my 12-year-old self be able to do? give a 40-minute presentation on.
And then what first came to mind were types of stickers because I was obsessed with stickers.
And I still kind of am. So. Like I could talk your ear off about, you know, as a kid, Lisa Frank and They're oily stickers and the sticker people out there will know exactly what Oh, my God.
You were brought up in the 90s. No idea.
That was the whole thing. I love that. Yeah, it's a whole thing.
It's a whole thing. I could easily give a 40-minute presentation. on how to make an LGBTQ baby.
Cause I did another podcast on that. And then I wrote a book. about how to make your LGBTQ baby.
That's so helpful. Have you helped people?
Yeah. Well, it's funny. It used to be that people would people would come over for the talk and Mary and I would be like, I would run the blender.
And we'd be like, all right, here's what you're going to do.
What insurance do you have? How do you want to go about it?
Do you want to adopt? Do you want to do this?
Here's what you're going to do. And then we had this whole talk that we would give people.
And when I did write the book, it came very much in handy because.
You know, it's not an easy thing. It's not intuitive because you're missing some parts, you know, physically. that help make the baby.
So it's like you've got to, and there's really almost no way. to have a baby without paying for it.
And that's one of the hardest things is navigating the system.
Yeah. It reminds me of what I went through with my husband and immigration.
Oh, yeah. navigate that process of getting a green card and you know, oh my God, the turmoil.
Oh, I can't even imagine. So I have so much more empathy and compassion for people going through that process, just having gone through it.
Yeah. I think about that. What that really helps me get through any hard thing is knowing and trusting that at some point my experience with this is going to help someone else.
Oh, that's such a nice way to look at it.
Yeah, but then I start to think like, am I attracting the worst possible experience?
Because you want to be helpful. Yeah. I feel like life is just going to throw at me like every possible. obstacle just because I'm, you know, embracing it.
Maybe just be a little less helpful. Like just like half the Sam helpful.
It is now time for us to present our listener questions for 40 minutes.
No, I'm just kidding. Today, we've got callers asking about life after an eating disorder, balancing our need to feel unique while recognizing we are part of something bigger. and how to get your kids interested in meditation.
And so let's hop right to our first question here. is Beth.
My name is Beth and I'm from Vancouver, BC.
I recently recovered from an eating disorder.
And now I'm being allowed to slowly start to get back into my life.
But I'm really struggling to be patient with that because I just want to jump back into everything.
I miss everything so much. I've been isolated, basically bedridden for three months, and I just don't know how to be patient with doing this slowly.
Is there anything on Headspace that could help with this?
Oh, thank you, Beth, for that really important question.
And also just... I don't know that congratulations is the right word, but you know, like it's really wonderful that you're tackling such huge, huge huge issues as someone who has struggled with food her whole life.
I completely understand this. Yeah. And it is, it's that willingness to be helped and to accept help and to trust the people that are telling you what to do and being, I heard that term bedridden and that such a different state than, I mean, the opposite of what we're used to doing in our daily lives, just being still and being you know, completely at the hands of others who are helping, but also telling you what you can and can't do.
So that's a big transition out of that. Yeah, and it sounds like Beth might be a little younger.
To me, and I'm interested to hear what your thoughts are on this, Sam.
This isn't an eating disorder question. This is a question of when you come out of a life... you know, an illness type situation and, and you want to get back to life and there's, personal fear or there's directives coming from other people and just how to navigate that.
I mean, that's kind of my interpretation.
Tell me if you feel differently. Yeah, no, I agree.
It's... When I hear this question, I think of retreat experiences where you're in silence and You've developed, you've tapped into so much tenderness and so much vulnerability within yourself and then you're you have to go back into the real world and it's overwhelming and something that the retreat leaders always say to us, which I find endlessly helpful is, to remember that everyone else in your life hasn't gone through what you went through.
Especially Beth, what you're talking about this. this vulnerable experience you went through and the feelings that I'm sure were stirred up There's this natural... desire to want others in your life to be more gentle with you, to be more tender, to be more receptive and present and And we can go in with all these expectations and wants But then we can also get disappointed when we're not getting that because people are just so busy.
So hopefully I would say. meet with someone that you trust, a family member or friend, and make time with them that's you know, in a quiet place or a place you feel comfortable just to be able to talk about your experience.
And in a very careful way, because I can't speak for Beth, but I would imagine that that might be really helpful for her to process or talk about some of the things that she's been thinking about feeling and going through with someone she trusts.
And to be really patient with people in your life, which can be hard.
It's just, yeah, the reality that they haven't gone through it and they haven't witnessed what you've witnessed.
Yeah. And I want to make a plug for whether it's therapy, whether it's 12-step support, whether it's going to group therapy, whatever it is, having a place that's sacred where you can speak and where you can put your emotions that you're dealing with out into the world and not have them just live in your head. so important to embrace that desire to reconnect that you were that she was talking about you know that wanting to meet with friends and wanting to get back in the world and That can feel overwhelming, but if you remember that this is really good.
This is really wonderful that I have this urge and that I want to be that I'm excited, that there's this willingness and excitement about getting out there and doing whatever you do that fulfills you, whether it's exercise, walking, working, being with people, that the idea of taking time in meditation to visualize the things that you're looking forward to, to what brings you joy.
As you just invite that question, you start to see the people that you like, you start to see activities that you want to do.
And all of that can help guide you toward them and get you excited about them. about doing that and being with those people.
So inviting yourself to visualize and imagine the things that bring you joy and embracing that will, that desire, that urge.
And being gentle with yourself too, Beth, because it may look different. than it used to look.
You know, I had a friend who went to the Peace Corps.
She was in Africa for a couple of years.
And when she came back, she had really a difficult re-entry because she was a different person.
And I think sometimes when you do work on yourself, you show up as a different person and and people and places and things that either made you happy or didn't. won't may not work in your life anymore.
And so I think that just being really gentle with yourself and again, having support.
I'm saying it again because you just might be you might be different journaling is really helpful as well as you're noticing yeah sensations, emotions, thoughts. writing it down, incredibly helpful.
And it can feel tedious. I think I've been thinking about this, like one of the, barriers to journaling is that you feel like you're harping on negativity.
When you sit down, you're like, why am I doing this?
I'm just saying everything that's not going well.
But it gives, I like to think of it as giving your mind space. to process and witness what's going on.
So there's a part of you writing, but there's also a part of you just listening and being present.
And so when we have those two perspectives, it feels a lot more productive and cathartic, I guess.
Beth, we just we're with you, you know, as you as you come out and find your way in the space.
We're all out here with you. Yeah, absolutely, Beth.
And I do want to say for anyone who's listening, We do wanna just say that Headspace provides mindfulness and wellbeing content.
But for clinical treatment, you definitely want to talk to your physician or other healthcare provider.
We just want to make sure that we make that clear. as we're talking about this conversation, because like, as I noted at the top, it is about an eating disorder, but it is not.
Absolutely. All right, let's go to our next question from Yuri.
I'm Joeri from Netherlands. I'm practicing meditation with Headspace for about four months and I feel the benefits, I see the shift in my perception and changes around me.
I have two kids of 8 and 10. And I believe that meditation could be very beneficial for them.
So any advices on how to get them interested in meditation?
Thank you and have a lovely day. Look at Yuri asking all the questions that I want answers to.
I love that. Yeah. I was just going to ask, how old are your kids?
My kids are 12 and 14. And I would love it if they would get into meditation.
But I don't... It's like... I feel like meditation is something that I do off on my own, so it's not something I could model.
Although... I can model them seeing me become a more calm and present parent.
And then attributed to it. So, but it's just like, I feel like oftentimes as a parent, the way that you get your kids. into something is by modeling it.
So I'm curious. Yeah. So it's kind of helpful to understand what's going on at these ages eight and ten.
Right. There's this kind of. pre-adolescence that's coming up.
And so the research actually shows when you look at emotion regulation, It kind of has this U curve where kids, when they're younger, they're relying more on their parents to help them regulate.
You know, they're, they're looking for soothing.
They're watching what you do and, and, And their emotions are more concrete.
It's like sad, fearful, happy. what else?
That's pretty much it. They're angry. Thank you.
And then as they hit pre-adolescence, adolescence, their ability to self-regulate or emotionally regulate takes a dive.
And that's because A lot of the time, every person is different, of course, but they're hit with the The complexity of emotion, it gets more complex as their social groups get more complex.
There's like, oh, I'm jealous, but I also like this person or I'm angry, but I'm also sad. the emotions start to layer and they're not, most children aren't ready for that kind of It's a big change is what I'm trying to say.
It's a big transition. And so what I've found with this age group, I'd say eight to 12, 13 is they actually are pretty interested. in getting to know themselves better, working on things related to their self-esteem by helping them get a better sense of what matters to them, what's important to them, what they value. getting a better sense of what kind of people they are drawn to, like what they like in a friend. and what they have to give as a friend because the social groups are so important.
And I would say because I always come in as the non-parent, I'm like the helpful coach. it's much easier for me to talk about these things with kids because I'm not the parent and I'm not related and it's a very different relationship.
So that's something to think about too, is just, it's not always easy to get your kids to to talk about these things or do things like meditation with you because you have a very distinct special relationship with them and being at their most vulnerable can be really hard in front of you.
So it might be helpful to think about that and see if there's someone in your life that a mentor or someone who. who they trust and they feel, you know, the fun uncle or the fun aunt.
Um, So that all being said, of course you can bring, like, that's a great age to bring meditation in, 8, 10, that period where they are needing more, they are craving more understanding of themselves.
Yeah. and craving more calm. You know, I work with a lot of kids who it's primarily age 11 you know, where shit hits the fan.
It's like, oh my God. I don't know how to calm my nerves before a test.
I don't know how to fall asleep. The dysregulation starts to... flare up for a lot of kids at that age.
So they're open, but helping them connect to what motivates them, like really becoming a good listener and going, what is.
Like you see me meditating, right? You see me doing this.
Do you have any questions for me about why I do it? or what I get out of it.
And they might be like, no, I don't. That's fine.
You can say, okay, well, have you ever been curious about it?
Or like what? And then if they say no, just go... Move on.
Throw it away. Throw the idea of meditation away and just go, what is something that is...
What's perplexing you in your life right now?
Like what, where are you stuck or what's feeling like, what do you want to work on or what do you want to like, what do you want help with?
And not necessarily from me as your parent, but from in general.
And that can help connect you with their motivation.
And then that's a good doorway into... these practices because it has to tie back to what's important to them.
Yeah. Because it is, I do think as a parent, And I'm making an assumption about Yuri's question here is that we're always trying to. either give them something, illuminate something, teach them something, maybe shepherd them away from a path that we think is bad for them.
I know that my agenda in wanting them to have meditation or mindfulness in their life is hoping that they can avoid some of the things that I went through or the feelings that I have.
And so it's like that's a real reframe of you're not trying to fix them. you're helping to teach them mindful thinking.
Yeah. I would say that inner observer is, Because that's a part of us that typically is underdeveloped. that part that is just there to witness instead of do.
The metaphor that I really like to use is that of a train.
When you're sitting to meditate, it's like you're sitting on a platform, on the train platform on a bench.
And you're watching trains arrive in the station.
You're watching thoughts arrive. and feelings and some trains come for a flash and then they disappear or something. trains just stay and they're very persistent and they won't leave the station.
And that brings up feelings. You notice those feelings.
That is all the observational part. witnessing part of ourselves that tends to be underdeveloped that we want to develop It's like the magic that makes mindfulness really helpful throughout our lives.
Meditation is kind of like the laboratory where you're getting concentrated time to practice this. but then the rest of your life is also practice, right?
So every time you say, oh, let's pause and think about and feel, not think about, but feel what it's like to have that thought. that's strengthening the inner observer.
And when we have that strong observer- we're still feeling painful emotions throughout life, being buried by them.
We're not drowning in them because there's a part of us that's able to witness. and see.
I think what's so interesting about Yuri's question is that on the surface, it's a simple question of just...
How can I introduce meditation to my kids and yet? it's not at all simple.
It's like, we're talking about yes, modeling, but you're also talking about, um, ways of letting it go.
You're talking about introducing the server mind.
You're talking about this, all this rich stuff. that can be done and none of that answer is really just like, give them the Headspace app.
That's what I find so fascinating about that question.
Well, I always forget to plug. But also give them the Headspace app.
Because yeah, I mean, I could give tips and tricks around habit formation and linking new habits to things that you already do.
After you brush your teeth, that's a great time to link the habit of meditation.
And there are all these like wonderful tips for how to build the habit of practice.
Um, and I should say too, that we have a whole section in the app that there's an Andy version and a me version where we're helping kids I think it's like 9 to 12 we have and then 6 to 8.
So we break it down to age group, but they're building the skills of mindfulness through One of my favorite ones, and I always want to plug this one because it's a meditation that's effective for kids. is having them listen to sounds.
So in the app, we have this practice where we're playing different tones that fade.
They get loud and then they fade. And we're just having kids notice that pattern and notice when it gets louder and when it fades away. and then come back and notice what's happening in your mind.
And so it's a gentle, Introduction to meditation through sound instead of breath because most kids connect more to sound as an anchor than they do the breath.
This isn't universally true, of course, but this is what I've noticed. as I've taught kids how to meditate.
Well, fantastic. Thank you for that question, Yuri.
That was such a great question. I loved everything you said.
I'm going to be implementing it immediately with my own children, probably.
Great. I can't wait to hear how it goes.
Well, now you're going to hold me to it, Sam.
Yeah, I am. How else are we going to do this?
All right. We've got one more question from Roberta.
Here we go. Hi, it's Roberta from Germany.
I moved here from Italy a few months ago.
Because of this move, the last period has been exciting but also very stressful.
I found relief thinking about the concept of shared human condition and realizing my feelings was something even other people were experiencing exactly in the same moment.
I felt like less alone. My question is, how can we balance our need to feel unique while recognizing we are part of something bigger and so our problem Thank you bye.
I love this question. I do too. We just kept the best question. we just do this is a great one though another great one yeah oh the need to be to feel unique with that wonderful salve of compassion that comes from knowing we're not alone.
What first comes up for me is just that we are unique.
There's nothing that can take that away.
There is an innate uniqueness to all of us.
And just knowing that can help with so many things, like creative pursuits.
When you start to have thoughts like, everyone else is doing this already.
They've already written- Yeah, this has been done.
Yeah, that can be really- disheartening.
But to remember that your unique voice cannot be replaced.
The uniqueness is there. It's always there.
It's not something we have to. even necessarily assert.
Because as we speak and as we are, we are unique.
Yeah. But then I was going to speak to just the common humanity of Kristen Neff. uses the term common humanity when talking about a critical, crucial aspect of self-compassion.
And that feeling that we are like what we go through and the difficulties we go through is part of the human experience and that Our brain is so kind of hardwired to feel lonely and isolated when we're suffering.
And so we have to remind ourselves, oh wait, I literally say to myself, there are thousands or even millions of other people experiencing this emotion right now or some version of it.
And there's a great relief that comes in that.
Not because you want others to suffer, of course.
But because you know it dismantles or dissolves that idea that something's wrong with you.
Yes. or something is uniquely wrong with you.
So they're two very different experiences, uniqueness of being and common humanity.
To me, they feel very separate and useful and helpful.
Yeah. It's so interesting. It kind of ties back to what we were talking about with question one with Beth. about like being in rooms or places where you can see yourself. because then you don't like you said, you don't feel alone because it's like I know that depression or sadness, it does often feel like I'm in a basement.
It's dark. And I'm never going to be able to get out.
You know, those are the, those moments to like connect into other people are so helpful.
Yeah, exactly. Exactly. This happened to me this weekend where...
I shared a very personal story about something in my childhood and my friend's boyfriend was like, oh my gosh, I'm, thought I was the only one that went through that.
It's such a relief. To hear that I'm not like he had been holding this story about himself, that he was some kind of, you know. like anomaly.
And then he hears my story and he goes, oh my gosh, wait, someone else, this is normal.
This happens. There's so much power in that when we share our stories and see that.
We're not alone. We're not the only one who's been through it.
It's incredible. And I've had that with some clients early when I started coaching kids. parents would call me and tell me about things that their kids were going through.
And I was like, Oh my gosh, I went through that as a kid and I thought I was the weirdest. his kid for having that problem.
I mean, I've been carrying it until this very moment where now I've let it go, that whole narrative about how weird I am.
It's very powerful. And I remember my husband recently saying that, we were talking about therapists and coaches and how hard it is.
It's his first time going to therapy, how hard it is to, tell a stranger what you're going through.
And I asked him, I didn't give advice. I was in my listening mode.
I'm like, well, what do you think? you think makes it easier to talk to a therapist?
Like, why do you think people do it? He said, and he goes, I think of therapists as libraries of human experience.
Ooh, what a great phrase. Isn't that beautiful?
I know. And it's like you're hearing all these stories from people that you're seeing every day.
And then you become this... Yeah, this archive.
And so you're able to pull from different things you've worked with with others But I think all of us are libraries of human experience.
The more we... listen to each other's stories and we're fully present for other people in our lives.
And we're really getting that sense that, I went through that or I went through a piece of that and I'm not alone. seeking connection and being a good listener and wanting to hear people's stories I think can be really mutually healing.
Yeah. And I was thinking about the uniqueness too of like, And that line between like being connected.
And I love what you said about you don't have to try.
We are unique just as we are. It made me think about listening to my gut instinct.
Yeah. He just reminded me of something I wore this weekend because I love color and I tend to wear neutrals. and Navy and black and white.
But my, my 11 year old self, speaking of that age, loves color.
Like my mom used to call me Punky Brewster because I was...
I'd wear different color socks and I didn't like matching at all.
And so I've been giving myself more permission to just, to let go of what I think other people think of me when they see me and like, hot pink pants and Like that's what I wore this weekend.
Just like these magenta pants. Yeah, you did, Sam.
Yeah, you did. I did. I have photos. And I wore green socks and purple lavender sandals, like the slip on sandals.
And I felt really happy. Yeah. Dress that way.
I just felt like, yeah. But what's so interesting, like you're illuminating exactly what I was trying to say is like in that moment. joy came out because you were true to who you are as an individual.
Joy came out, which then you probably connected with with like a larger group of people because of that.
And I think that connection between those things is so fascinating.
Exactly. I think paying attention to how we feel, that's I think a great measure of whatever we're doing, however we're showing up in the world.
If it sparks joy and it makes you feel more authentic, authentic and more connected to who you are and how you want to express yourself.
That's That's what it's all about. Well, what an incredible question, Roberta.
Thank you so much for sending that in to us.
Thank you, Roberta. All this talk about recovering and mindfulness practice and being part of something bigger, it just reminds me of this incredible community that we're building at Deerhead Space, Sam.
And I just, I love it. Me too. I love these questions.
I'm just delighted by them each time. Getting feedback from people who I've had some listeners actually write to me and tell me, give me follow up info. based on the question.
It's just incredible. So I look forward to this community just continuing to grow.
Oh, me too. And I want to give a big shout out to Beth and Yuri and Roberta for sending in their questions.
We obviously we love them. all of your questions.
And I mean, and it goes without saying we would have no show without you folks and your questions.
So if you wanna submit one to us, All you have to do is go to sayhi.chat slash deerheadspace.
And that link is in the show notes as always.
And if we use your question on the show, you're gonna get three months of Headspace for free, which I think is pretty fantastic.
And you can use it or share it. You know, whatever works for you.
Exactly. Yeah. So let's just take some time now to pause and reflect. on what we just talked about, just giving ourselves time to digest all of this wisdom and laughter and joy So this is the time that we're gonna transition from this moment to the next part of your day, whatever you're about to go do.
And so as you listen to some of the recorded sounds of wind on a lake, just let your mind do whatever it wants to do.
Until next time, stay happy, stay healthy.
And please be kind to each other. Let's go.
Dear Headspace is a Headspace Studios original podcast.
It's produced by Robin Hopkins. Ash Jones and Scott Sorenson.
It's executive produced by Morgan Selzer, Sarah Cohn, Barron Farmer. and Danny Karasamy.
It's hosted and produced by Robin Hopkins, Kisanga Giscombe, Dora Kamau, Samantha Snowden, Eve Lewis Prieto, and Rosie Acosta.
Post-production is by Dan Kroll. Music is by Scott Sorenson and Chris Mergia.
And a special thanks to Colleen Lutz. This episode is brought to you by FX's Alien Earth, the official podcast.
Each week, host Adam Rogers is joined by guests, including the show's creator, cast, and crew, in this exclusive companion podcast they will explore story elements deep dive into character motivations and offer an episode by episode behind the scenes breakdown of each terrifying chapter in this new series.
Search FX's Alien Earth wherever you listen to podcasts.
