So I have this problem where I don't want to be alone, but I also want to be alone.
When I'm with other people, I long for my alone time and getting back home into my space.
But then when I'm alone, I long to be with other people and to be social and to not be by myself.
And this is a little bit of a new phenomenon.
For me, historically I've enjoyed my alone time more.
Now I feel like I'm in this place in my life where I just crave human connection more than I normally do.
Valder!
Hi Valder!
I wonder if that's the baby?
By the way, I'm getting ready now to go for breakfast with a couple of friends, because the sun is shining and the sun almost never shining.
But I thought about this this week, and so I just wanted to share some thoughts.
I've sort of experienced many of the different living arrangements, but I have been living alone for a while now.
I'm just realizing that it's kind of getting harder and harder, but also the thought of living with another person is also getting harder and harder.
So I'm like, where does that leave me?
You know, one of the obvious pros of living alone is that it's not just this aesthetically beautiful situation.
It is truly very calming.
You get to do everything uninterrupted.
You make your morning coffee.
You sit in peace.
Read your book.
Think look outside the window, no one to be loud or no one to lose stuff or misplace things, or there's just no one to blame for anything, no one to get on your nerves, no one to buy the wrong thing or to make a mess.
Whatever the situation might be, it is just you and yourself, and you get to decide what you want to watch, what you want to eat, what you want to listen to, at what volume, when you want to go to bed, when you want to wake up.
You don't have to account for anyone else's life or schedule.
But also, just like with everything in life, it's not a perfect situation.
There are some obvious downsides of the situation, and it's a lot of small things, but it's also some bigger things.
Some of the small things are things like someone interrupting you in a pleasant way.
So what could that be?
It could be someone sharing something that they saw or that they heard that day, and suddenly you are talking about something that's quite interesting, or maybe you are learning something, or maybe they can recommend you something that they read or something that they noticed on that day, or even a little background noise by another person.
To an extent obviously, if it's someone that you like a lot can be quite nice.
Just like hearing their little chores and whatever they are up to.
That interruption can be quite pleasant.
Or maybe they can suggest what you guys can eat, what you guys can watch, what you guys are going to do this weekend, or they can give you an id and something and it creates for a fuller life in a way.
And then obviously, the conveniences, like if i want a glass of water, no one is gonna bring me a glass of water.
If i'm really craving something, i have to go buy it myself.
If i have a bit of an errand, but i have a cold, i'm not feeling well, no one's gonna do that errand for me.
So I got two full-size towels.
I got a glass food container.
I have a few of these, but I needed one in this big size.
This one for cooking when I want to turn things.
Flip things around.
Some microfiber wipes, which is the key for cleaning mirrors or screens without getting all the dry water that makes it look even dirtier than it was before you started cleaning.
This is what I do my dishes with.
And here we have even more food containers.
Let's open her up.
So I got three more in this size, which again, I already have these, but I just needed some more.
And these are really good to store food.
And then you can heat up the food in the oven without the lid because the glass is oven safe.
And then finally, I got this box that I want to store things in.
Let's see.
I believe it's untreated wood.
Oh no.
I have to assemble it.
I hate assembling anything.
Okay, let's see here.
This one is called Snuggly, so it's going to be a box like this where i can just store things like this and this.
You know, don't step on it.
I'm already confused.
Oh, it's because this one was missing.
Step one i don't know why my brain just malfunctions whenever it comes to assembling stuff.
I think I'm just so deeply uninterested in anything that has to do with stuff like this.
Like I see parts like this and there is No part of me that gets excited because this is ridiculous.
We can definitely do this.
Hold on.
Like that, obviously.
Right?
No, this has to be the inside.
There's only one of this.
This has to be the bottom.
Yeah okay, so this has to be you know what?
I'm just gonna save this for later okay, and maybe i have someone stopping by.
Maybe when they stop by, i can Actually they get so excited about stuff like this.
They're gonna see this on the table and they're gonna be like can I help you do that?
So technically, I'm being a good friend.
And also, the bills.
You are on your own.
It is expensive.
Like the thought of someone sharing the monthly expenses to me right now is wild.
I look at people who live with someone and they share the costs and I'm like Do you know how much money you are saving?
Self-reliance, I think, is such an important life skill, because you cannot, You cannot count on always having someone with you in your life, someone taking care of you, someone being there for you.
You never know what strange and unpredictable turns life could get.
And I'm so grateful that I have had the experiences and that I know that I can be independent.
I can take care of myself.
I can do everything by myself.
I'm already confused.
Well, to an extent we are, of course, relying on the people around us and our loved ones.
Obviously, their presence is very very, very meaningful, even if we don't live with them, but I know that I can handle things on my own.
And maybe I have someone stopping by.
And now here is where we run into a serious...
I don't want constant company, but I also don't want to be completely on my own.
What type of situation are we looking at, Lana?
Like what is.
I'm also trying not to overthink this because realistically It's not really something that I could change anyway.
It's just sort of going to happen the way that it's going to happen.
Just before I go, I want to show you what I'm currently reading.
Well, one of the things I'm currently reading.
I've had this book, Virginia Woolf, for so many years now.
I don't think I ever read through it.
It's a very short book.
But I remember having a hard time with her writing style.
So...
I wanted to give it another go because I was going through all of my old books, so many books that I don't even really know what to do with.
And I found some ones that I kind of want to reread.
This one is one of them.
All right, heading out.
