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I'm Gretchen Rubin and this is A Little Happier.
I wrote a book about habits called Better Than Before.
In it, I described the 21 strategies we can use to make or break our habits.
And sometimes people say, 21 is too many.
Just give me the best ones. but it's actually good to consider the complete menu of options.
Some of these strategies work very well for some people, but not for others.
Some work for us at some times in our lives, but not in other times of our lives.
I've been studying habits a long time before I began to appreciate the importance of the strategy of identity.
Our idea of like this is the kind of person I am is so bound up in our habits and actions that it's hard to see.
But eventually I realized that our sense of identity often makes it easier or harder to change a habit, because identity exerts such a powerful force over our behavior.
I remember a conversation I had with a friend who had a young child.
My husband and I desperately need to go to bed earlier, she told me.
We stay up too late and we have to get up early because of the baby.
We're exhausted.
We keep saying we're going to go to bed earlier and we never do.
What's your routine?
I asked.
We put our son to bed, we eat dinner, we each do some work and around 11 pm we go into the kitchen and have some nuts or cheese or something and talk.
Well, that sounds nice, I said.
Yes, she said.
Then she added what sounded to me like the key to the issue.
She said...
We know we should be responsible parents and go to sleep, but we're holding on to this last piece of our adult lives before the baby.
It just feels so domesticated to go to bed before midnight, even though we really need to sleep.
To go to sleep earlier, she and her husband would have to change their identities.
They'd have to become domesticated.
The fact is, changing a habit sometimes means altering or even losing an aspect of ourselves.
Companies and institutions can change our habits, for better or for worse, by persuading us to link certain habits to identities to which we aspire.
One of my favorite examples comes from the terrific book Made to Stick Why Some Ideas Survive and Others Die by Chip and Dan Heath.
They describe how an anti-littering campaign successfully changed the littering habits of Texans.
In the 1980s, Texas had a huge litter problem and it was costing the state millions of dollars to deal with it.
Many popular messages, such as please don't litter, give a hoot, don't pollute and pitch in, had failed with the target demographic.
The typical person who littered, they determined was a man between the ages of 18 and 35, drove a pickup and liked sports and country music.
Please don't litter just didn't resonate.
So for the campaign, famous Texans such as George Foreman, Stevie Ray Vaughan, Willie Nelson and various popular Texas sports figures made TV spots with the message don't mess with Texas.
The campaign convinced viewers that a true Texan, a proud loyal tough, virile Texan, doesn't litter.
A true Texan protects and respects Texas.
During the campaign's first five years, visible roadside litter dropped 72%.
Our identity shapes our habits.
So if you're trying to change your habits and you're having trouble, consider your identity.
Your identity may need to change first.
I'm Gretchen Rubin, and I hope this makes your week a little happier.
From the Onward Project.
Hi, Gretchen, Craig Robinson and my little sister Michelle here.
We host a new podcast called IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson.
We know you're the queen of giving advice.
So we wanted to get a few tips from you.
Gretchen, a lot of our listeners are going through some major life changes.
What advice do you have for folks who are trying to stay grounded in the midst of major life transitions?
Craig and Michelle, I am so happy to be talking to you.
Here are a few questions that might help us gain perspective.
So consider questions like this.
What activities take up my time but are not particularly useful or stimulating for me?
Do I spend a lot of time on something that's important to someone else but is not very important to me?
If I could magically change one habit in my life, what would I choose?
And here's a question.
Would I like to have more time in solitude restorative solitude or would I like to have more time with friends?
You know, just thinking about questions like this can help us start to figure out how we might make our lives happier.
With greater self-knowledge, we're better able to make hard decisions that reflect ourselves, our own nature, our own interests, our own values.
In my own case, I have found that the more my life reflects my nature, the happier I get and the more grounded I feel when I'm going through a period of major change or transition.
For more great advice, search for IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson wherever you get podcasts.
You can listen to Issa Rae on letting go of certain friendships, Kiki Palmer on why disappointment is actually the key to career success, Seth and Lauren Rogan on caring for aging parents, and so many more.
