Hey weirdos, Elena here. If you're looking to kick back and relax with Morbid, Wondery Plus is the way to go. it's like having a cozy seat in our haunted mansion no ads just you and early access to new episodes You can join Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or in Apple Podcasts or Spotify.
You're listening to a Morbid Network podcast.
Listening on Audible helps your imagination soar.
Whether you listen to stories, motivation, expert advice, any genre you love, You can be inspired to imagine new worlds, new possibilities and new ways of thinking.
Listening can lead to positive changes in your mood, your habits, and ultimately your overall well-being.
Audible has an incredible selection of over 1 million audiobooks, podcasts, and Audible Originals all in one easy app.
Find the genres you love and discover new ones.
Explore bestsellers like my sister's title. new releases, plus thousands of included audiobooks, podcasts, and originals that members can listen to all they want with more added all the time.
I have been listening to the Martha's Vineyard Beach and Book Club, which actually Elena recommended to me.
She did not listen to it, but she said, girl, this title sounds so you.
And let me tell you, it did. I've been listening to it while I walk, and I am absolutely loving it.
I love all the Audible. There's more to imagine when you listen.
Sign up for a free 30-day Audible trial and your first audiobook is free. visit audible.com slash morbid.
You know what's even more stressful than a packed calendar?
Realizing you're out of coffee right before a meeting.
That actually happened to me the other day.
It's exactly why I stocked up during the Thrive Markets back to school sale.
Even if you're not going back to school, I'm not, it's the perfect time to reset.
Thrive makes it easy to shop for high-quality pantry staples, snacks, vitamins, even skincare. without the errands or the ingredient label deep dives.
I just recently stocked with aloha protein bar simple mills crackers and my favorite poppy drinks i love them so much Everything is delivered super duper fast, and I saved up to 25% on all of that.
Their filters make shopping by diet or lifestyle a breeze, and their healthy swap tool actually helped me upgrade my usual buys with zero label stress.
I love the Lesser Evil popcorn. I get my chomp sticks from there.
I love Thrive, and you will too. Now's the best time to try Thrive Market.
You'll get up to 25% off select items. New members get 30 percent off their first order, plus a free gift.
Who doesn't love that? Go to thrivemarket.com slash morbid to start saving.
The sale ends 831. Don't miss it. It's time to spring into something delicious with HelloFresh.
Every week you get fresh pre-portioned ingredients and recipes delivered right to your door.
Get 16 free meals plus three free gifts with code morbid at hellofresh.com slash morbid.
Hello, friends. Just a little message before we get into the show so that you know what the hell you're getting into.
Because today's a little different. First of all, we recorded this like a little while ago.
Um, so my voice is going to sound better when this starts, but actually my voice sounds worse than this. than yours because that's when ash was sick you know sickness everywhere down with it um But this is a listener tales episode for May because, you know, we're still in the vibe of doing one a month, but...
Not for long. That's actually changing. That's actually. changing in June.
It is. So that's going to be coming where you'll get like weekly or at least almost weekly.
Listener Tales. Yeah, with Listener Tales.
So we just wanted to let you know who's on this episode so that you can get ready for it.
We had two guests on. They are two of our very good friends.
And you guys might know them, especially if you're on TikTok.
You might have seen them. We had, I almost, I almost. said her name completely together.
Shawani. Her name is Sheena Malwani. And you might know her and also her husband.
Hermanns. Hermanns, the real Indian dad.
Trid. known on most social media outlets. hilarious.
You have to go. I'm telling you, go look at their TikTok, their Instagram.
You can find them at Sheena Melwani. We're going to link them in the show notes so you can just find them easily click right on it or you can find at The Real Indian Dad on Instagram, on TikTok.
You can find them on YouTube. Sheena also is an amazing singer.
She just opens her mouth and the beautiful melodies come right out.
And it's crazy because their whole like their thing is like they're hilarious. together.
They're so sweet, like so in love. They're in love. is a wonderful love.
I aspire to love that kind of love. It truly is.
And what's funny about this, and I think we might have talked about it in the episode.
But John and I, like when Ash first got us into TikTok, because we were like, we're not going on TikTok.
We're in love with TikTok now. You're welcome. but they are one of the first videos we saw and we would send them back and forth to each other because they're so funny.
Right. And then when we started, we were friends with them.
It was like, whoa, blowing my mind. So that's who's on the episode today.
They're so funny. They're so sweet. You're going to love them.
But we did a regular Listener Tales episode, but we just had Sheena read one.
Yeah. And I also wanted to quickly give you a warning right up front.
There is one Listener Tales episode on this episode.
It's at One hour and two minutes. This is when it starts.
And again, I will put this in the show notes too.
But I know some of our listeners... Do not feel really comfortable listening about what we have deemed from a lovely listener who gave it to us, flush pedestrians.
Yes. skinwalkers. I'm just going to say the word just so you guys know.
I know some of our listeners That is not something they want to listen to.
It freaks them out. It's very real to them.
We don't want you to be like blindsided by it.
So we decided when we ever talk about that, we will give you a warning right up front. so that you can just choose to skip that tale.
I will let you know that the person who wrote that tale, they were wonderful...
Jonesy, what's up? Hilarious. And they changed each time we said S.
They changed it to flush pedestrian just to make it a little better.
Exactly. But it's totally up to you. I think it's the last tale, I believe. believe that we tell.
So one hour and two minutes. If you don't want to listen to it, we totally get it.
We just wanted to give it to you up front.
But we thought we would do something kind of fun too before we jump into it.
We got to see Sheena because, again, she's an amazing singer.
She got to sing the national anthem at Fenway Pack, kid, for a Red Sox game.
We didn't fucking get Fenway Franks. We didn't.
It was a real... It was a real sham. That's all we talked about other than like seeing Sheena sing.
We had two goals. We wanted to see our girl sing and we wanted to eat a Fenway Frank.
I'm just realizing this. Now, let me just like say this ahead of time that like Fenway Frank.
Fenway Frank. I'm still on cold medicine, everybody.
Fenway Park is like... Truly church. It's a feeling.
It's church to me. Yeah. You are from Austin.
And my relationship, 90% of it was at Fenway Park.
When we were dating, we were there every week.
Can't confirm. We've sat in every part of that park, I'm pretty sure.
I love it. The weekends that you weren't at Fenway, you were at the Celtics games.
Exactly. Like we were those Boston people for sure.
Yeah, me and Drew too. Yeah, for sure. Love it.
Go sports. You're like, that's us. And we used to watch the games all the time.
John still watches them all the time. I try to catch them, but it's just hard.
But going back there, we haven't been back there in a while.
It's actually been the longest stretch that we have not been at Fenway Park, which is wild.
It was such a feeling being back there. Oh yeah.
As we were watching the game, first of all, I felt myself fall right back into like crazy Boston. and Elena and I started getting really like wild about like yelling at plays and shit but we were like You know what's fun?
It's fun that they give all the players, they can choose their own song to do like the walkout.
And we were like, what would your song be?
And we just started thinking about it. And we realized how different our songs would be.
Do you want to go first? So I have two. My first, I couldn't choose between them.
I feel like I would want to switch back and forth.
I'm that asshole. They'd be like, pick one.
They'd be like, pick one. And I'd be like, no.
So of course. I would definitely go with a ghost song.
Love it. Because that's what my life is revolving around right now.
I think the two that I would pick would have to be From the Pinnacle to the Pit.
Yes, great one. And also Cerise. So from the pinnacle to the pit, I would have to have...
Right? Right. That's it right there. I love that.
And then for Cerise, it would have to be this.
That'd be so good. Right? You would get the crowd, like, headbanging.
Yeah, you got to. I would get the crowd shaking their booties because... because this is a song that dates back to me for high school. all the way to high school, me and my best friend used to just blast this in my freaking 91 Saturn or whatever year. it was.
And we blasted this song so many times that it actually busted my speakers.
I had no I believe that. And this is the part that I would want.
We'll be right back. Oh my God. Can you imagine?
So that's what I would like, please. Ash just walking up to the batter's box. make me get buck in here wow so yeah we just figured we'd share it with you guys if you want to share us what your walk-up songs would be we'd love to hear them like tag us in them because this is fun.
It's amazing. So please. Tell us what your Fenway Park, and yeah, it's got to be Fenway Park.
Has to be. Don't care. You're not walking up to any other batter's box.
I'm totally kidding. Yankees suck. It's true.
We chanted that a lot. We did. We won. We did.
So we can. You can chant that when you win the game.
Totally. It wasn't even against the Yankees.
No, it was not. But that's fine. Yeah. Either way.
Yeah, tag us in your walk-up songs. I think it would just be a fun thing to do.
And we just wanted to reiterate, this is a really fun episode.
It's kind of goofy. It's a laid back one.
We got some cool people on it. We do. And my voice is officially... like getting back in business.
Do you hear that? So we're back on the train.
We're back on our bullshit train. And another episode is actually going to be coming out in another day or so.
Yay. Get ready for it. She doesn't even take a Mother's Day vacation.
No way. I'm all of your mother. That's scary, actually.
I'm sorry. I am afraid by that. So without further ado, enjoy.
Hey, weirdos. I'm Elena. I'm Ash. And I'm Sheena.
And this is Morbid. But it's like a special Morbid because one, it's listener tales.
So it's brought to you by you, for you, from you, and all about you.
Hey-o. And two, we have- I'm here. oh oh that's why it's special we forgot to introduce one of our guests somebody from the corner who is that You can't tell because I'm wearing a mask.
Most of you wonder. Yes, I do wear it in real life too.
There's an emoji over there. Can confirm.
There's just an emoji floating in the corner right now.
Affirmative. If you guys happen to recognize those voices, which I bet you do.
I feel like you definitely do. You're lying if you don't.
You might recognize them from TikTok. You might recognize them from YouTube.
You might recognize Sheena, even though she's not singing right now, you might recognize her melodious voice.
Oh, press the sparkle button. Sparkle button, hold on.
Can you reach it? Did you guys hear that?
Did you hear it? You probably didn't. I'll probably have to add it after, but that's fine.
Added it. I've been tearing it off. Sparkle.
Sheena deserves a sparkle moment. Yes, Sheena Melwani is here.
And we're so excited. Honestly. This is really funny because I was just telling this story earlier that when my husband and I first, well, we didn't discover TikTok.
I shouldn't say that because Because Ash forced us to get into TikTok.
Give credit where credit is due. What is that?
We were being, I'll explain it to you. Don't worry.
Cause I'm sure it's tough to understand.
You don't know anything about this world.
You just don't understand. Just sit there and look pretty with your emoji face.
I don't know why this emoji just keeps talking.
It's crazy. uh but john and i were like tick tock what is that that's that's a young person's game That's what we thought.
We were like, we're old, so we don't know what that is.
That's what I thought. I'm saying. It's not, though, guys.
We're all old. Hey, not me. You're like 62.
You're 62. I feel 62 a lot. I do as well.
Sometimes you make me feel 62. I love making you feel 62.
But then the old souls that live inside of me.
It must be those old souls. Yeah, makes me feel 62.
Yeah, clearly you didn't listen to the last listener tales.
I did. I'm a great friend. You are. Exactly.
You're a great friend. You know, like Satan.
You have that Scottish one that comes out every once in a while.
Whenever Ash says Satan, she always says sit.
And it just... It just feels right. Sounds Jamaican.
It kind of does. Yeah. It's like a little mix.
But it feels Scottish and Jamaican. He's not just Satan. you know we see it and click it's from fear street that's why click and so So the moral of the story is that one of the first people we followed on TikTok was Sheena.
And we would send these videos back and forth.
John and I like through a wall because we were just like one room away at night because he would be working from home.
And we were dying. And when we finally got to meet them, it was like meeting like long lost friends.
Satan? No, it was better. The kilt-wearing devil.
It was like wearing Satan himself. Is that what you thought of me?
That I was Satan? yeah that's what I describe you as the kill wearing devil that's how I describe you You might know her as the kilt-wearing devil.
Yeah, that's me. That is. That's how you'll forever be known.
Thanks. Change your TikTok name immediately.
Thank you. Satan. The kilt-wearing devil.
Or Sheena, the kilt-wearing devil. I like it.
But today we're very lucky because they have joined us for one of the most fun episodes we do, which is Listener Tales.
What just happened? It was a party. Oh, that's a party noise.
That is a party noise. Why don't you show them your trumpet noise?
You don't have a button for that? I don't.
I just like to go... Don't you have a trumpet noise?
Oh, I'm... But I don't want to show off.
Please do. Show off. I am like... I think I'm top 10 in seven countries in the world.
Wow. Bring it. Is that a trombone? I forgot the name.
We gave this instrument a name and I practiced heavily for two, three weeks.
Wow. Just try next time. I want to hear it.
Oh, I like that. That's pretty good. That's like a mouth note.
Well, I'm not top ten in seven countries.
I'm not here to... Take your throne. When you push your body too hard or you just feel run down like we have lately, It is so important to stay hydrated.
I feel like every time Elena and I have mentioned that we're sick lately, All of you are saying that you're sick too, so let's stay hydrated together with liquid IV.
One stick of liquid IV hydration multiplier in 16 ounces of water hydrates you two times faster and more efficiently than water alone, and Liquid IV literally tastes, and all the flavors just taste They are so delicious.
Personally, I love the lemon and lime flavor.
I love the watermelon flavor. there's a caramel apple flavor that I was like, I don't know about this one.
And then I tried it and I knew about it and I loved it.
It makes me feel so good. I usually pour a liquid IV into my water bottle right before my workout. and I drink it throughout the workout.
And I honestly noticed that it's like easier for me to do certain stuff Probably because I'm hydrated and then afterwards I pee like a racehorse, but you didn't need to know about that.
Anyways. One stick of liquid IV and 16 ounces of water, like I said, hydrates faster and more efficiently than water alone.
And that's because it contains five essential vitamins, B3, B5, B6, B12, and vitamin C and And it's got three times the electrolytes that traditional sports drinks have.
It's also made with premium ingredients and there's no GMOs.
It's free from gluten, it's free from dairy, and it's free from soy.
So like basically anybody could have this.
Also, what makes it so effective? The science of cellular transport technology? which is designed to enhance rapid absorption of water and other key ingredients into the bloodstream.
Liquid IV also, like not only do they taste amazing, not only does it make you feel good, not only is it just like, I don't even know, it's just I love it so much. but also they're on a mission to change the world they have donated over 20 million servings globally Grab Liquid IV in bulk nationwide at Costco, or you can get 25% off when you go to liquidiv.com and use code morbid at checkout that's 25 off anything you order when you use promo code morbid at liquidiv.com Experience better hydration today at liquidiv.com, promo code MORBID.
So I think we should just jump right into our listener tales.
That's what we do over here. Because I have one that's called Nanny's Haunted House of Hell.
Casual. And I'm very excited to read it.
That's why we talked about Satan in the beginning.
Like Satan. All right. I bet Satan is in here, but I haven't read it. it's about me it's about you it's about you yeah that's why we picked it we didn't even tell anyone that you were coming So nice.
Yeah, it's just nice. The listener's new.
You put out a vibe. A certain vibe. Got a vibe.
That's all you do. All right. So this one says, hi, weirdos.
Love, love, love the podcast. I'll never forget the day I found it.
And I've been an avid listener ever since. including the underwater years.
You're a real one. You are a real one. The underwater years are when our audio was so bad that we sounded 20 leagues under the sea.
Me, we're scuba diving. Always thought being a weirdo wasn't cool, but you two have normalized it and the army of weirdos have been unleashed online.
Onto the world. Yeah. I love that. I'm sorry, world.
I've got about 50 episodes to go, so hopefully you're still doing Listener Tales when you get this.
Honey, we're gonna do Listener Tales forever.
Probably even more soon. Do you want more?
We keep asking you guys, do you want more?
They're like, we know what's happening at this point.
We're getting more listeners as we get it.
That's the one complaint I hear a lot about your podcast.
Yeah. You just don't put out enough content.
Yeah, we don't. We really don't. You're really starving the people.
Yeah. podcasters that just, you're lazy, I think the word on the street is.
Yeah, that's what we do say. It's just that.
What is it? You only do like 17, 18 podcasts a week now?
Yeah, about that. It feels like that. It's a little lackluster, I guess.
I know. We have a lot of extra time that's just like floating by.
We don't really do a whole lot with. Yeah.
We will try to help you here. Thank you.
That's why we're here today. Show them some commitment.
I appreciate that. Teach us a little work ethic.
We put out one video a day. How to take things really seriously.
At least 30 seconds long. That's intense.
And you're just sitting here doing three podcasts a week.
Daily is a lot. Daily, and we're so serious about it.
You are. You're very serious. Seriously dedicated.
It's all very serious. No fun and games here.
But daily is... That's a lot. Yeah. That's impressive.
I say to myself, do I want to work for one minute a day or four or five hours three times a week?
And I would take the easy way like you've taken.
Four or five hours, three days a week. This is the life over here.
And then that's online. Yeah. Then there's all the behind the scenes.
Mm-hmm. But do you think you could really do what the influencer does 30 seconds a day?
No. Every day? No. It's hard. No comparison.
It's hard to be me. No way. I bet. Because you know what?
We do morbid wearing straight up pajamas.
Oh, you haven't seen her content. She does 30 seconds of you wearing straight up pajamas.
In pajamas. But you have like cute matching set.
Yeah, as we're talking, like we roll up with like...
You know, like roll out of bed, brush teeth, walk in here and start recording.
Very much. They've never seen your content. pretend to watch your content we don't look like you do rolling out of bed i assume no way does video sitting in her sink I think that's amazing.
The sitting in the sink videos are my favorite.
Those are my favorite. I love those. The influencer in the wild.
I love it. In the wild. Tell me more about the nanny from hell.
I got to know who this nanny from hell is.
All right. So hope you're still doing listener tales.
We are. So that's good. My story is one that to this day I have never been able to explain.
Despite being a massive fan of true crime and the paranormal, I've had a disappointing lack of experience of both in my life, apart from this story.
It's probably good that you don't have a lot of true crime in your life, but you know.
Yeah, paranormal would be somewhat fun, I guess.
But true crime, we can all hope that doesn't happen.
No one needs that. You don't need too much of that.
While saying that, there was a brutal murder in my hometown in 1992 where 12...
12-year-old Shannon Carr stabbed 18-year-old Katie Ratcliffe to death 32 times.
Oh, yeah. Sexually assaulting her with the knife and leaving her body in someone's front garden. which I often walked past for years afterwards.
Holy hell. See, that's a lot of true crime in your life.
Also, it was Sharon Carr. oh Sharon did I say Shannon yeah but like sorry it's a similar name reading is hard yeah uh but wow like wow wow yeah and apparently that's enough true crime in your life for like a lifetime and then some Yeah.
Where have you brought me? What is happening?
He's leaving. This is a 12-year-old that killed an 18-year-old with a knife and did those things?
On purpose. 12 year old. This listener is complaining about not having enough in their life.
Yeah. Apparently. Why? Dang. That's all I have to say.
And the next sentence ends with, eesh, eesh.
Well, and she is the youngest female murderer to be sentenced in the UK.
And the crime was so brutal. that she is inside for life with no eligibility for parole or consideration for release.
Yeesh. Yeesh is right. At 12 too. I mean, that's brutal. yeah that's that's one of those things that you're like ah that was a very adult thing you did that's on some mary bell type yeah it is oh mary bell yeah But apart from that, nada, ha.
So let me, just apart from that. Nada or a whole lot of.
Apart from this. Brutal murder. From the most brutal murder I've ever heard of.
So let me set the scene with this lovingly and terrifyingly written PDF for y'all.
Thank you for the PDF. Our listeners will write their listener tales in PDF form. so that we don't have to read it in the email because they're just lovely creatures who do that for us.
I've heard that you get them skipped too.
Oh yeah, they do the double space. You have We're the best listeners.
We really do. We love our weirdos. I'm from the UK and live in Farn... Oh, they gave me a pronunciation.
I appreciate that. I live in Farnborough.
Okay, thank you. Farnborough. Hampshire.
Got it. In the late 80s and early 90s, me and my younger brother were always sent off to stay with my lovely nanny for a week of pretty much every school holiday.
She lived on her own with her Dalmatian called Boot.
Yep. I love that. So cute. Boot the Dalmatian.
I love it. As my granddad had died when I was a baby, she was lovely, funny, warm-hearted, generous lady.
Generous. Generous lady, and we loved her so much.
Her house, not so much. Nanny used to tell us stories of all the weird goings on that she experienced in the house.
Even when my granddad was alive, he was the warden at the Feltham.
Thank you so much for these pronunciations.
I appreciate it. We love a phonetic spelling.
He was a warden at the Feltham Borstal just outside of London, which opened in 1910. and was located across the field in front of her house.
The housing estate was originally built specifically for people who worked at the Borstal.
It was quite an intimidating place as the inmates, typically teenagers and young adults, could be seen easily by the fact it was separated from the public fields by a single flimsy fence.
Well, back then it was. Things have changed a little bit.
I feel like just one fence separating you from inmates.
It seems like a great place to send your children for holiday.
That doesn't sound great. Get anywhere near the fence and they would shout horrendous stuff at you if they saw you.
That's horrifying. That It is horrifying.
We were both intrigued by it and hated it in equal measure.
So I feel like I get that very much. much i don't get it you're like no i'm i'm horrified just overall horrified i hate it I love that.
Its most famous resident was Richard Reed, the UK shoe bomber.
Oh, okay. Anyway, I'm rambling, but the boar stole always made me feel uneasy in which it didn't help matters, as I'll explain.
Back to the house, Nanny would gladly tell us about the spooky goings-on she witnessed in her home.
The house was old, creepy as fuck, and just had this cold foreboding atmosphere about it.
She had lots of books about unsolved mysteries, paranormal stuff, and true crime.
Hell yeah, Nanny. That might be my house.
That is your house. Whoops. Perfect literature for young children to scare themselves shitless while reading The Long Days Away.
That's my house. There were some of my granddad, my granddad.
You just pulled a me. Was there an old soul in you?
Oh, I've always wanted one. A grandad. A grandad.
Oh. That was great. I was like, it's a fine jewelry brand.
A fine jewelry brand. And Satan. Satan. Oh, I'm really glad.
I always wanted an old soul. I transferred them to you.
I got possessed briefly. Did you hear her?
She just went like... That's what happens?
Yeah, she's thrilled. Granddad. It happens to me like a lot for some reason.
And I said that old souls live inside of me.
So they like come out every now and then.
But you would just experience that for the first time.
And pretty casually, too. The most casual.
That's the thing. It just comes out. Love it.
That's the secret? Yeah, that we're possessed.
You can't do any accent and just say, oh, I got possessed for a second.
Yeah, hold on. No, I just didn't know this is what happened.
I'm possessed by so many people. You're in a constant state of possess.
You're never out of possession. This is amazing.
They're just there. And they come out when they feel like it.
They live there. Permanent residence. This is their home.
There's like a French man inside me that lives there, I'm sure.
Wow. Sometimes. I don't know why that happens.
You just feel that way? Yeah. I love that.
I think it's great. I think a lot of old Southern ladies live inside of me.
Oh, yeah. Like the time I clutched my pearls.
A lot of old southern ladies live inside me.
They do. When you clutched your non-pearls.
That noise, too. I think we've told this story before on the podcast, but we were on a haunted hayride once.
Yeah. And it was just like this funny haunted hayride.
Like, I love those things. That's what haunted hay rides are, right?
They're super funny. They're just funny.
No, they honestly are. What was it? It was some guy like jumped. with a chainsaw the hayride with like a chainsaw and we're like oh that's funny no because you know how you expect them sometimes yeah and you're just like well he's an actor so it's fine But I was like watching it and Ash literally clutched Pearls that didn't exist.
And went, woohoo! But it just came out of me, that noise.
That was the noise that came. And I was like, oh, shit.
But for some reason, I just went, oh. It was real weird.
No, it was not like a Boston reaction. I'm like, oh, fuck, that's crazy.
It was like... And I was like, where did that come from?
She's like, I don't know what just happened.
Yeah, literally. It was like my stars. It was my first possession experience.
You had the vapors. You were just like, oh.
I did. She fanned herself too. She did. She was like, oh.
What's her name? Probably Gladys. Gladys?
I feel like, yeah. Probably. Doug Fitz. Yeah, you know, Ash is very casual about the old souls that apparently live inside her. the way it is.
When she explained it to us the other day, she was just like, Yeah, I just think I have like a lot of old souls inside of me sometimes.
And we're like, that's That's the thing.
That's the thing. You can get like the Costco pack.
Yeah, you can. A variety pack of whole meals.
Whatever you need. You don't want just the same one.
You got to get a variety. Of course. A family size one.
Yes. So yeah, so that's I became British for a second.
So that was fun. I'm reading about your granddad.
So that's cool. there were some of my granddad's belongings in a box on the landing hallway including his old borstal whistle which used to creep me the out Some of the stories she used to tell us included the following horrific bullet-pointed pant shatters.
That's a pant shatter. like you shit your pants like you shat your pants i like that and they gave him bullet points oh you guys are great A lady dressed in black walking into her room and disappearing into a cupboard.
Walking into what? Just walking into a room and then just disappearing into a cupboard.
As one does. Casual. Just see that walking by.
Weird lights hovering above her house on multiple occasions with weird deep bassy sounds.
That was just aliens. I was going to say that.
No big deal. You've been probed. You've been probed.
That happened. Voices whispering in her ear, waking her up at night.
That used to happen to me at mom and papa's house.
That was her brother. That was it. That was it.
Those are my kids. That's what that was.
Hasn't that happened to you at mom and poppers before?
Whispers? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. My parents' house is like super haunted.
Like incredibly so. Drew would like not spend the night with me there.
What do they say? They usually say your name.
They would say my name to wake up. It's actually her.
It's actually her old voice. She's whispering into... No, it's just her.
It's just her? Yeah, she's just... maybe in my sleep and then i'm like who was that who was that no but it happened to drew once and i was sleeping and he woke me up and made us leave he was like don't want to be here anymore we're going to my house we are leaving and i was like your house is very far and he was like i'll drive he's like i don't care i literally don't care Yeah, that house has like vibes, but not bad vibes.
Yeah, I feel like it's because we grew up there, but other people are like, what the fuck are up with the vibes here?
What are these vibes yeah they're intense i like them john could handle it but he was always like yeah it's weird here so yeah voices whispering in her ear She woke up one night laying on her back. to see a ghostly face hovering directly above her, as if laying on top of her.
She screamed, and it... Faded away. It like dissipated from the screen.
I just picture this ghost face being like, oh shit.
It's important. Consent is important. Every realm.
Every realm. Every plane of existence. No means no, bloody poltergeist.
Get lost. And he was like, oh. Go find someone of your own mist.
Of your own mist. of your own metaphysical being please i love that she screamed it just whoop it was gone shortly before my granddad died, she woke up and there was a cloaked figure leaning over him as he lay asleep.
Oh, you mean the Grim Reaper? I was just going to say...
Crawl out to Grim Reaper. Yeah, he was coming to get you.
That's death. That's literally death. She shouted, go away. only for it to look up at her with a contorted demonic face, then smiled and disappeared.
Welp. The Grim Reaper was like, well, what's done is done.
I'll be back, though. Yeah, I've been sent.
See you later. That's creepy. Hate that.
Thank you. Ugh, there is nothing like the end of a long day just going home, cracking open a ginger ale because that's my drink of choice and heading to the backyard.
I love sitting in my backyard. It's so zen.
And something that's made it even more Zen is a solo stove.
That's right, it's a smokeless fire pit from Solo Stove, and it makes my outdoor moments even more memorable.
The fact that I can sit around the fire and not smell disgusting the next day, that's all that I need.
But wait, there's more. It's also portable.
You can bring this little cutie pie fire pit anywhere you want to go.
It is the perfect catalyst for getting outside, spending more time with your family and friends, and you know, Just build long-lasting memories around your solo stove fire pit.
It is made with premium grade 304 stainless steel. and a 360 degree airflow system that maximizes efficiency and minimizes smoke So it's not blowing all up in your hair and making you stanky.
It's also super easy to light with a few bits of starter.
I let Drew kind of handle that whole situation because fire scares me a little bit.
But he said it's super easy to start a fire in there.
And I believe him. And again, it's perfectly portable.
You want to hang out in your front yard?
Go ahead, take the Solo Stove with you. It's great, it's super easy to clean up, it's super easy to start, and it's super cute.
Shop now and get up to 30% off fire pits all month long and use promo code morbid at checkout to get an extra 20% off. plus a lifetime warranty and free 30-day returns.
Just go to solostove.com. And remember, you get $20 off when you use promo code MORBID.
Believe Drew. Believe him. All this was received by me and my brother with wide eyes, asking for extra information and more stories, something we always regretted when it started. starting to get dark.
I believe that. The realization that we had to sleep in this UK version of Amityville was terrifying. and we'd do everything we could to delay going to sleep.
We shared a big bed, and nights were passed under the covers listening to our Sony Walkmans.
Hell yeah. Throwback. Talking to each other, playing word games, telling stories, and basically trying to keep ourselves from thinking about the ghosts. that we're clearly at the foot of our beds about to eat our feet off.
I'm terrified. Sheena's going to leave here scarred.
100%. We're going to ruin it. Sheena's in the fetal position rocking back and forth.
Needed the toilet in the night? No, you didn't.
No, you did not. Because you wouldn't eat your feet.
No, you didn't. You wouldn't eat your feet.
What do you rather, pee in the bed or walk back on stubs?
Yeah, pee in the bed. 100%. There's plastic sheets.
Worst part about, or the best part about this house and this vacation is the jail across the road.
Oh, hell yeah. Yeah, right? That would be cool.
That's the best part. That would be cool?
I'd be like, this is cool. You want to go to your nanny's house?
The one, the haunted one with the jail across the street?
Oh, yeah. I love the jail across the street.
It's interesting. It's other stuff I'm scared of.
It's interesting to see it from the outside.
We used to drive past a jail when I lived with Drew.
We'd be like, oh, look at that. It's interesting.
We would drive past it on the way. John and I used to go to the Celtics games all the time.
We had like half season tickets and like the last row in the entire thing, but it was awesome.
Casual flex. Casual flex of my last row Celtics season.
Weird flex, but okay. And it was like half season.
But we got them. We used to go all the time.
And you go by the jail. on the way out yeah and sometimes like inmates are just like standing at the windows looking at you with their hands on their hips just hello i would hold my breath I would not do it.
It's a panic. Yeah. I love it. She doesn't want to be, you know, taken over by it's like you know when you pass a cemetery kids hold their breath you're supposed to lift your feet too but i'm like how do you do that if you're driving I thought you do that with a railroad in cemetery you can do it if you're driving how do you do it if you're walking You jump the whole way.
Up and down, up and down. No, you just levitate past it.
Float. What, you guys don't levitate? Okay.
Crazy. No, that still had the Craigslist killer in it, though.
Oh, yeah. And it was by at once. And I was like, at that time, they're right now.
Creepy. Not anymore. No, spoiler alert.
He's not here anymore. So, no, you didn't have to go toilet in the middle of the night.
Go toilet. Because if you went, you were going to die.
Or walk back on nothing. I swear I've developed bladder problems as a result of this place.
It sounds like you might. Sorry for you.
Anyway, despite all of these tales, beyond creaking floorboards and pipes rattling, Neither me or my brother ever actually experienced anything weird in that house.
Until this one night. None of that was weird.
The whole thing you explained was not the weird part.
Those were just tales from the nanny. they hadn't had their own experience.
I'm glad she shared that with them. Yeah, that was the nice thing I expected of a nanny.
That's what grandparents are for. Particularly with children.
That's what they're for. I want to be a creepy nanny someday.
Hell yeah. I'm going to scare the shit out of my grandkids.
I'm going to be like, listen to this. old souls used to live inside of me.
I'm already a creepy mom. Like one of their friends came over the other day and Pointed to something.
And said that's weird. And my kids were like.
That's my mom. That's my mom. I think that's going to be my life.
I was like. I'm sorry guys. That's going to happen to you a lot.
Yeah. I apologize upfront. But I was like, sorry.
So we were a little bit older now. It was around 1993 and I was about 13 and my bro would have been about 11.
We had a younger cousin over there, too, who was about nine, and we all thought it would be real cool idea to have a sleepover in the downstairs living room.
Nanny was chill with it and took herself off to bed around 10, leaving us to watch trash TV and literally eating every snack available in the cupboards.
But the lady's in there. I know, right? Lady in black.
Right? Eventually, we must have... Should they just move her off to the...
I decided to grab the crackers. Excuse me.
Eventually, we must have all dozed off, but something woke us all up at the same time.
I can't remember the time for argument's sake.
I'm going to say it had to have been about 3 a.m. because wink face ghosts. always 3am always 3am the witching hour after looking at each other other in silence for a few seconds, the next thing that happened gives me goosebumps even now thinking about it. we all heard the noise of what I can only describe as some kind of four-legged beast. running super fast across the upstairs landing.
Oh, just that? Why do you know that noise?
Do you have a dog? I need to know. It was so loud and we tracked it from one corner of the house to the other.
All of them? all of them simultaneously all of them like woke up at the same time heard this exact noise and they all thought Four-legged beast.
Not even two, not two, not three, four. You have to hear it.
Yeah, I got to hear it. Is there growling?
I wish we... That's an eight-legged beast.
That was four. That just sounds like rain.
I recreated that for you. Just trying to help you out.
You're fantastic. So hold on. It's a four-legged beast.
It's running everywhere. We instantly all shat ourselves.
Inconvenient. Especially because you can't go to the bathroom.
That sucks. So three people all hear the same four-legged beast and they all just shit themselves at the same time.
The story seems extremely plausible. This Acting.
You have group chat, we have group chat.
Are you in a group chat? No, I have left the group chat.
I've never group shot. I've never entered.
Oh, okay. Helena has left the group chat.
I was never in the group chat. I did not join.
I hate group chats. There we go. I say four.
Oh, they're going to explain it. We should have just read ahead.
I have not read this. I say four-legged because it made the sound a dog or horse would make when running.
Multiple feet, if you get what I mean. I get what you mean.
Okay. Thank you for explaining that. We used to have a neighbor who had a horse upstairs.
So you understand this well. You know the choice.
You're like, ah. I think that eight kids or a horse.
I'm not sure which. Every upstairs neighbor has eight kids or a horse.
Or both. Or maybe both. And whatever it was, it was too big as it shook the ceiling.
I don't like that. The noise was over as soon as it started and the following silence was deafening.
It was the sound of their... Simultaneously.
Shredding. They were like... Did we all just shat?
Quiet. the sound of silence it was garfunkel the sound of chatting We were terrified, to say the least.
Like blood, like cold, no, like blood cold brown piss.
A lot of shit here. Psychologically scared, terrifying.
Now I know why you picked this. It has a lot of poop.
I do think poop jokes are funny. I love poop jokes.
I love a good poop joke. But we knew Nanny was up there.
No way it could have been her. I am screaming at the thought of your nanny on all fours, like, running around.
Your nanny's wilding out. I'm going to make them enter a group chat. that was nanny but he said no no way it could have been her this thing sounded otherworldly but deep down we were hoping it was her running to the toilet or something.
I don't know. What would you want that i don't want that if you if you go on all fours keep it in Gravity.
That makes sense. Gravity. Like butt up.
Yeah, just booty up. You can clench the cheeks easier.
The dog, oh, there was a dog. The dog was downstairs with us as well.
So definitely wasn't him. After what seemed like a year, but was probably about two minutes, we agreed we needed to go and check on her.
Yeah, go check on Nanny, guys. Like, I'm worried about Nanny.
Yeah, she's like alone up there. They're like, wow, she's up there.
I hope it was her running to the toilet.
So me being the older brother begrudgingly went out the front.
Good for you. Alone? He's like a warrior in this one.
Wait, did he go with all three of them? They all cowered behind him.
And we made our way to the pitch black up the stairs, arseholes tighter than a mosquito pore.
See, clenching. UK, like, just, like, isms are the best.
I want to, like, instead of saying... Arsehole sounds so much better than asshole.
Arsehole. Like you're such an arsehole. Yeah.
Sounds better. I don't believe him. If we had that level of arsehole strength, we wouldn't be in this brown panted scenario.
We would not have entered a group chat if we had that kind of strength.
Well, we crept all the way across the landing, right along the path this daemon had just thundered across, and into Nanny's bedroom. to find her fast asleep in bed.
Literally says that. It does. We instantly woke her up and all three of us tried to explain what we'd heard.
Poor nanny. probably like what the fuck like three boys are just like oh we heard a four-legged beast we thought it was you she's like yeah She's like, it wasn't.
That was just the ghost. She's like, that's another Tuesday.
But having Having just woken up a 60-something year old lady out of a deep sleep, she didn't have a fucking clue what we were gabbering on about.
The rest of the night is a bit of a haze.
I'm pretty sure we gave up trying to explain and spent the rest of it in her room.
Laying in wide-eyed silence, waiting for the Ghostkiller 3000, aka the sun, to appear.
The Ghostkiller 3000. The Ghostkiller 3000.
I remember Nanny kind of laughing it off the next day, saying it must have been the house settling or something.
Imagine the house settling and it's like a four-legged beast.
Dude, Ma used to say that all the time though.
You'd be like, oh my god, last night I heard this.
And my grandma would be like, oh, it's just the house settling.
Oh yeah, you'd be like, oh, last night I heard somebody like chanting in like backwards Latin.
That's also the house settling? And she was like, that was the house settling. that's just the hearts she'd go that's the spirits oh yeah she'd just go that's just the spirits and always with the finger movement yeah just spirits that's just the spirits you know like but i don't want that this is just the fairies it's fine ma's one with the earth Yeah, how come it's never, that's just the fairies?
How come it's always, that's the spirits?
If you live with Ma, sometimes it's the fairies.
A lot of times it's the fairies if you live with my mom.
And I started to believe her. yeah you can say any scary noises the fairies just the fairies yeah and if you listen to our episodes about fairies they're scary the fae the fae foes yeah the fae you know you shouldn't even talk about them i thought I don't know, knock on wood or something.
What are we supposed to do? I think we're supposed to give up our firstborn, I think.
Yeah, I think that's it. You're supposed to be yourself.
Or chat yourself? No, that's for demons.
Oh, so I get them confused. For like a demon.
But for fairies, you pee yourself. That's three seconds.
That makes sense. steady stream of three seconds in first appearance you vomit on yourself that's what you do perfect It's just a lot of bodily functions.
I was just gonna say bodily fluids everywhere.
They take care of everything. I remember Nanny kind of laughing it off, saying the house is settling.
But all of us remember this as clear as day.
It was no house settling. It was a certified four or more legged hell beast that decided to use the upstairs landing as a 100 meter sprint track. i love we have never forgotten it and often talk about it it genuinely was so scary and none of us have ever experienced anything like it since Eventually, we got too old to stay at Nanny's house and only saw her at family events.
You're never too old to stay at Nanny's house.
And later on, she passed away after a quick illness.
Aw, RIP nanny. Aw, I miss nanny. My nanny, like my grandma was nanny too.
Yeah. So we always talk about staying in that house in a jokey kind of way, but the reality is it was terrifying and that night has turned me into a dark fearing bolt up the stairs at night as if your soul is about to be eaten lights on all the time I'm this motherfucker anyway.
Hope you enjoyed the story of my, I always love how these end anyway.
It's my favorite. favorite anyway hope you enjoyed the story of my nanny's haunted house some hell keep up the amazing work never change and keep it weird But not so weird that your parents ship you off to sleep in a haunted house where ghosts and monsters roam the hallways at night, ensuring you have a permanent fear of the dark, all the shadow of a creepy-ass borstal.
Cheers, Daryl. You can say my name. Only the sprinting devil beast is going to care.
And I haven't heard from him in a while. amazing yes there's a case i would love you to cover and i'll cover that i'll look at that it's gnarly as fuck apparently Awesome.
Thank you, Daryl. That was a crazy story.
Thanks for scaring me. And I'm glad you lived through it. i know seriously except i wish you had like confirmed what it was i know now i really want to know i could have figured it out i feel like nanny knew And she just didn't want to scare them.
It was Nanny. She knew. You think it was Nanny?
Or army boots running every night. I think it might have been Nanny.
I think it was a Damon. It was Nanny getting freaky. nanny had a friend over i loved nanny I think Nanny knew though.
She totally knew. She definitely knew. Okay.
My next one is called Listener Tale. I'm a survivor bitch and yeeted that man's.
Oh, the yeet is for you. I always pick a yeet.
Always pick a yeet. First off, you can use my name, which is Amanda.
Howdy, lol. Howdy. Howdy Amanda. Hi Amanda.
I also already changed anyone's names I didn't feel needed recognizing.
So thoughtful. I know. I love when they do that for us.
If this gets long, I would say sorry, but I know better than that.
You do. I am nothing special when it comes to writing, so bear with me.
I beg to differ. I read this already. I have to say, you gals are amazing.
I know, I know. You don't want people bragging on you, but you've earned it.
Thanks. I actually got started listening to you guys because of my sister in law, Sam.
I asked her about places to listen to podcasts so I could act actually listen to Bailey Sarian, our friend, to be honest.
I love Bailey. We do. I found her dark history, but my sister-in-law told me to listen to you guys, too, and I liked this kind of stuff, so here I am.
Thank you so much. Also, Alayna, I'm so sorry about Bubba.
Aw, thank you. I lost my pug Spike at 12 years old as well.
It's heartbreaking because he was also my first kid.
And Spike is a great name. I love that for a pug too.
Hashtag Buffy. That's so cute. Anyway, on to the story and away from the mushy gushy.
I don't need no tears right now. LOL. So about this title, it sounds just about how I feel.
My ex, we will call him Ratface. Oh, you dated him too?
He was about 14 years older than me. Oh, different one.
He was a charmer, let me tell you. He was in the military for 18 years with all these amazing tales to tell a girl who idolized the military.
At the time I was a single mom at 24 with a three-year-old.
She is my pride and joy. We will call her Mighty Mouse just for privacy, of course.
I love that. Adorable. Can't have those weirdos out there thinking about my baby.
You know, I know there's even some creepy people right beside you on a bus.
They're talking about you right beside me.
No, it's you. you they're talking about she didn't know what was happening she's writing the story on a bus she knew I like that all of her characters are named after mice I like that a lot.
Rat face and Mighty Mouse. I like it. Damn, you gals made me a girl who is paranoid, damn near certifiable.
LMAO. Sorry. So back on track from my little wondering, he knew all the right things to say at to my young eager mind and I was gobbling it up like it was grandma's sausage and bisque gravy.
Like I was grandma's sausage. Like I was grandma sausage.
Well, he took me out of state for my little small town in the middle of a cornfield. in ohio to places in missouri iowa illinois and it goes on me and my daughter were getting spoiled for months and loving it So when he asked me to marry him after about six months, I was over the moon.
This would all sound great if it wasn't for the title and already knowing this goes bad.
I know I'm stressed out because I know the title and I'm like...
I don't like this. But we know that she yeeted him at least.
That's true. There's yeeting. So that's good.
I think yeet requires a distance of at least 10 feet.
It does. So that's good. How does one yeet?
Carefully. I look to you for this. You just, woof, yeet it.
Just yeet it. get out of here do you have to yell yeet you can for added measure yeah i feel like you should i think you should as well It needs a lot of oomph and gumption.
Yeet. but they said that they're getting ahead of theirself.
Now, it should have been a huge red flag planning the wedding because really every decision came down to what Ratface wanted.
Oh, but he sure did make it seem like it was my idea to go with what he wanted. rat face had full say in the end we ended up getting married where he wanted with the guests that he wanted with the dress that he wanted me to wear We got a house in the little town that he wanted.
And at first I was making the decisions for my daughter because, well, she was mine.
But as he put it... Oh, he was the one who said, she's yours.
Oh, gotcha, gotcha. Which, like, red flag.
Red flag. Yeah, so she made the decisions because she was like, or he was like, she's your daughter.
Please don't judge. This did not all happen at once.
Then it became he made the final decisions even when it came to her.
The part that was really, sorry, the part that really only upset me because it was all at once instead of spread out was him saying we weren't having kids.
Main reason I said yes in the first place.
My baby needed a friend, lol. Let me tell you though, I got a lot of animals out of it.
10 snakes, two more dogs to go with Spike, which we rescued from a puppy mill at four weeks old.
And the mill was shut down. A sugar glider.
They are not flying squirrels. Okay. I know you were thinking that.
I might have been. four cats and a 55 gallon fish tank.
Damn. Let me just say, anytime I got the baby blues or my mighty mouse talked about siblings, we ended up with a new animal.
One more snake. One more snake. Just one more for good measure.
One more for good measure. I love it. Just a dash of snake.
So instead of going through all that shit, trust me, you wouldn't want to hear it all, things went okay for a while.
At least the okay that I was used to. We are about three years into our marriage and we make regular trips to Missouri.
I was no longer working because he wanted me home with Mighty Mouse and he was getting enough money from the government.
He liked to say there was a lot wrong with him and he had all these quote unquote medical issues from serving.
If a doctor didn't agree, he found a new doctor.
Since I wasn't working, I did the housework, set out his 42 meds in a week containers for him, took care of the animals, took care of my daughter, you know, all the quote unquote womanly jobs.
Year four of our marriage, I was starting to really push for a child and going back to work. hoping Ratface would at least let me have one of the two.
Well, that is when I also started getting closer to my mom and hanging out with her like we used to.
Suddenly, we started taking more unplanned trips to Missouri. there had 45 acres of land, and only five of that was cleared out for a house.
The rest was dense woods. There were bobcats and bears out there.
Many times I would go outside on the porch. on the porch early in the morning, especially in the winter, and see paw prints close to the house.
Now that you have a little background, we would go there for two weeks at a time. always coming back just in time for Mighty Mouse's dad to pick her up for his visitations.
On one of those visits, he was pretty mad at me for bringing up having another kid.
He decided that me and him needed to take a walk out on the trails while my daughter was sleeping.
He wanted to show me this nest that he had found that he thought I might find interesting.
My dumb ass actually said, okay. What the fuck was I thinking?
I'm very stressed out. I'm nervous. I read this and I'm nervous.
With HelloFresh, you get farm fresh pre-portioned ingredients and seasonal recipes delivered right to your door.
Skip trips to the grocery store and count on HelloFresh to make home cooking easy, fun, and affordable, which is exactly why it's America's number one meal kit.
It also brings you this kind of rom-com of a meal that I had the other day.
Forget about when Harry met Sally. How about when steak met potatoes with creamed kale and peppercorn sauce?
How about that, everybody? Probably one of the most delicious things I have ever eaten in my entire life.
But guess what? There's so much more to pick because you can pick from 50 different weekly options with HelloFresh.
You can skip meals when you need to you can change your delivery date and you can update your preferences all within the HelloFresh app.
Literally, could they make it any easier?
I don't know. I don't think so. They also have meals for like every single person.
If you're like watching your waistline. They have fit and wholesome recipes for satisfying yet nutritious meals that you can feel good about.
And they have a ton of other options like quick and easy recipes or family friendly recipes.
Me and Drew use HelloFresh all the time and we just switch off who gets to cook.
And in the beginning, he was like, I don't know about this, Ash, like I'm not very good at cooking.
But boy, have I seen that man's grow in the kitchen.
He is whipping up sauces. He is slicing up... onions.
He is throwing carrots across the room. No, I'm just kidding.
He's not doing that. That's not part of the recipe at all.
No, but it's honestly so fun now. I used to hate cooking with another person in the kitchen.
I love it now because HelloFresh makes it easy to delegate tasks to a certain person.
And then you can just take over the rest or you can take it all on solo, whatever you want to do.
It's super duper easy, it's super duper customizable, and it is America's number one meal kit.
Go to hellofresh.com slash morbid16 and use code morbid16 for up to 16 free meals and three free gifts.
Again. That is HelloFresh.com slash Morbid16 and use the code Morbid16 for up to 16 free meals and three free games. gifts.
I love presents. Bye Most of you have like probably heard me sing the praises of pros, which is the world's most personalized hair care.
And for those who haven't. I want to tell you about the incredible results that I am seeing since using my Customize Pros products.
I am obsessed with pros because you guys know I change my hair color pretty much as often as I change my underwear. underwear just kidding the underwear is a little more like not that much more I have to be so careful with the products that I use because my hair is constantly changing all the time and and for a while there I was living in a level of damage that you don't even want to know about.
When I took my pros quiz, they were like, how damaged is your hair?
I was like, oh, it's real damaged. And they gave me a formula that made my hair feel so soft, so much healthier.
It was unreal. Pros knows that there's more to you than just your hair type.
They have given over 1 million consultations with their in-depth hair quiz, which is exactly how I got started.
I told them where I lived so that they would know about the air quality.
I told them how I eat because they know that that's going to mess up my hair if you're like not eating so great. and damage level we just talked about that and even how much you exercise Then, by analyzing over 85 personal factors, Proz determines a unique blend of ingredients to treat your exact concerns.
Pros also has a review and refine feature, so it lets you tweak your formulas for any reason, like change of address, hair color, your diet. you're going on vacation, let them know.
Just change your address really quick because that place that you're going to, might have hard water that's gonna mess up your blonde hair and you don't need that and Proz doesn't want that for you.
By the way, as a carbon neutral certified B Corp, Proz is an industry leader in clean and responsible beauty.
All of their ingredients are sustainably sourced, ethically gathered and cruelty free.
That is something that's super important to me.
They are also the first custom beauty brand to go carbon neutral.
If you're not 100% positive that Proz is the best hair care that you've had, They will take the products back, no questions asked.
Proz is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it.
Take your free in-depth hair consultation and get 15% off your first order today. go to prose.com slash morbid.
That's P-R-O-S-E dot com slash morbid. for your free in-depth hair consultation and 15% off.
Anyway, so we are out there and he takes me off the trail a little ways saying it wasn't far.
He tells me to close my eyes so that I can be surprised.
Oh. No, no, no, no, no. So again, my dumb ass agrees.
We walk a little longer and he says, stay right there.
And then he walks ahead of me to quote unquote move something out of my way.
I'm scared. And then it gets quiet. I open my eyes because I don't hear him.
He's gone. You left her there? What? I start freaking out.
I know what's out here. I don't know my way back.
I cry for a few minutes and remind myself that I'm a mama and there's a baby that needs me.
I start walking the way that I thought I came from, always looking for the little ribbons that mark different trails.
I'm not sure how long has passed when I finally hear Mighty Mouse in the distance laughing and I start running.
When I come out of those woods, I fall crying and she comes over asking me if I'm okay.
I told her, yes, mommy just got lost. She laughs and says that rat face said you went for a walk while I was napping.
I just smile and tell her, yep, but now I need to go get cleaned up.
Rat face. I know, isn't this horrible? Rat face comes in while I'm washing my face and tells me that it's easy for me to disappear.
And no one would know. And then I need to stop.
I need to stop talking about having more kids.
That was his way of threatening her? Of like punishing her.
And like showing her that what he could do.
Oh my gosh. Oh, my God. And that's so scary.
A couple days later, we head back to Ohio.
That was when I knew I needed to leave, but I figured I'd die there.
That was until my mom had woken up numb from her... chest down and couldn't walk.
I spent months at the hospital taking care of her from when I dropped my daughter off at school until about midnight or one o'clock in the morning and then woke up and did it all over again.
While I was helping her, Ratface was telling people that I was cheating on him, I was lying, and I was just doing things for money.
You name it, he said it. But I kept pushing ahead and taking my daughter to the hospitals as much as possible.
My mom had spinal surgery and then within three months was home.
That is when it hit me. My brother, the Marine, was home too and would be able to help me.
I left Mighty Mouse at my mom's house one day and I went to Ratface and told him I wanted a divorce hell yeah i told him there would be no more trips to missouri and that my brother knew i was doing this so if anything happened to me he was there I am such a people pleaser and a dumbass, as we have established.
You are not a dumbass. You're not a dumbass.
That I stayed there six months sleeping on the couch so it wouldn't affect my daughter's school year.
You're not a dumbass. You're a good mom.
I was finally able to leave on her last day of school with one suitcase for her in my boat.
Her stuff and mine as well. I went back later with my little brother and got the last of what I needed.
He either packed up some of my stuff or left it at my mom's and sold it.
Even left my pug in one of the puppies I rescued just outside in crates at my mom's.
I yeeted him so hard and I never looked back.
Good for you. Yeah. I'm sorry this was so long.
I haven't even told anyone most of this since it happened now almost four years ago.
I really hope it made sense. It did. I'm not the smartest person so I know I made a lot of mistakes.
You are so smart. You are. You did what you needed to do.
Exactly. Gotta stop doubting yourself. To end on a happy note, though, I now have Mighty Mo's daughter and my monster trucker son.
Yay! Who was actually born on the day my divorce was finalized.
He is not rat faces. Yay. Yay. And Ash, I know you will love this part mostly because I also love love.
I love love. My fiance and I have been together now for three years and we like to joke it is a 22 year old love story in the making.
We had crushes. Oh, she was right. I am going to love this.
Oh my God. We had crushes on each Oh, my God. lost each other for a little while.
When our brothers died, they were also best friends.
We found each other by chance after divorce, had monster trucker son, and are getting married next year.
Monster trucker son. I love that she calls him that.
Oh, and I love that you got a brother for little Mighty Mouse.
I know. I love love. Okay, I will stop ranting now.
But if you like this one, I also have not today, Satan, you can't have my brother. and some kind of curse with me and my vehicle.
We would love those. Whenever somebody's like, if you want these, I'm like, give them to me.
We always... Don't even ask. Just... Bring it my way.
Bring it. Stay weird, ladies, but not so weird that you are brainwashed by a charming asshat who makes you totally cuckoo nut lady till your mom has spinal surgery and you finally leave because you're sure as hell not going to become bear shit, even though you were dumbass enough to go into the woods to begin with.
Bye! That was harrowing. That was. That was that poor lady I know I was like on my I was like nervous the whole time reading that And her daughter is like with him, too, when that was happening.
That's the worst part is she's alone in the woods and he has her daughter.
Right. And she's just like trying to find any markers and get back there.
That was all just like mama shit. It really was.
That was like mama shit getting back to Mighty House.
Mighty House Mouse. And I love that the whole time she was just like, Mighty Mouse, like, I gotta get back there for her.
That's so cute. Amanda, you're the best.
This is shocking. Yeah, that was intense.
Yeah, that was an intense one. You were very quiet.
I'm like, this is no laughing matter. I'm going to sit down and digest this.
Well, I'm going to give you guys a choice for the next one.
Ooh, I like that. I'm going to have you guys choose.
Should I read Tea Party with My Dead Great Grandmother?
Or my very summer solstice flesh pedestrian hot spring adventure.
It's a choose your own adventure. You can finish off on the flush pedestrian.
I do have questions, though, about the first one.
The tea party? No, the one we just read, Ratface and Mighty Mouse.
Yeah. What are your questions? She said, how did we miss each other?
Because their love story is in a line at the age of 10.
Yeah, that's probably why. They're dating too many other people at 10?
They just weren't available at the same time.
What, you weren't at 10? I'm just not familiar with the dating practices in Missouri, but it seems like... they're starting a little young that is pretty young they had crushes on each other at 10 so Maybe they found that out later.
It's good that they found each other later.
It is. I also love the way everyone knows they have to give like a...
34 word sentence at the end on the sign off.
Oh, yeah. You got it. Yeah, you got it. Or some people will just say, take it away, Ash.
And they let Ash come up with it. But that makes me a little bit nervous because I'm on the spot.
I like when they write it in there for me and I can just read it really fast.
And you just read it fast. It's a game between the listener and the host.
They do it in one breath. And I see both of you like...
Yeah. You gotta... Okay, let's go. It's fun.
It's a lot. You gotta have good lungs in here.
Alright, so I will read... What is this one called?
Tea party with my dead great grandmother.
And we'll finish out on the flush pedestrian.
Hell yeah. How about we do that? This is a quick one.
The tea party one. And it's so sweet. Do you want me to read the tea party?
Do it. Will you? Here, I'll give you this.
Hello to my two fave weirdos. Hello. I'm going to do a quick love sesh.
Just because that's who I am and I can't stop myself from doing it.
Okay, I love y'all so much. Please never stop doing what you're doing.
We don't plan to. No plans for that. No plans.
Thank you for that. Only plans to continue.
Congratulations. You get Sheena today. I have severe anxiety and you would think listening about serial killers and ghosts and goals would be upsetting but when you're a a fellow weirdo such as myself your podcast has kept my mind busy in times when I've needed my mind to be busy So thank you for being my friends that I've never met, but very much hope to meet someday.
Also, a quick side note, I'm a fellow Masshole, so what's up?
Yay. We love a muscle. Yeah, me too. And another side note.
Yes, you can use my names. My name, homies. thanks homie okay that's a pretty name homie homie Okay, bad intro.
Homie. He's French. He's French. There it was.
I told you. There it was. Wow. The casual old soul came out. whoa his name is frederick yes oh yes oh we we got old souls coming out everywhere Okay, bad intro, but let's get into it.
I think that was a great intro. I do too.
My mom has told me this story a couple of times, but I can tell it freaks her out, so she doesn't tell it to me often.
When I was just a precious babe of five years old, I had a younger, less precious of a sister who was in diapers and an older sister, definitely not precious, but we still love her. at this point we were living in a very old house my dad who's retired now is a police officer at the time and had to go to court during the day because of a case he had.
Normally, my dad worked the 4 to 12 shift, so my mom took care of us this day.
My mom was flustered trying to change my little sister's diaper and get my sister and I wrangled up to go to my grandmother's.
My older sister who had been eight at this time was running around the house while I was upstairs and refused to come down.
My mom repeatedly kept calling my name. Abby, get down here.
We need to get going. but I wouldn't come down.
She kept getting my baby sister changed and ready for the day while my older sister kept running around. only making it more hectic for my mom.
My mom continued to call and call my name until she finally yelled up the stairs in a stern voice, Abigail, what are you doing?
It's time to go. Lena, why do you look like you've lived this?
I'm like, I'm going right into the scene right now.
I'm like spinning my hair like, oh my God.
That literally happened this morning. You look like you live this moment of getting three girls ready.
Alina's just like twitching. I'm like, did I write this?
This was actually the morning that we had.
Why are they not coming down? Literally, I'm like, wait.
Well, she was very busy. She yells back down, Mom, I'm having a tea party with Tiger and Mum Mum.
Oh. If you've never seen Winnie the... Oh, Tigger.
Oh, Tigger. Oh, yep, yep, yep. Who is a tiger?
It was a tiger. So there you go. And Mama.
If you've never seen Winnie the Pooh, there was a character named Tigger. which we had a big stuffed animal of, and Mama was my great-grandmother that I had never met at five years old.
I didn't even know her name or had heard of her.
My mom immediately thought, what the F? And rightfully so.
And then she realized the date. It was it.
My great-grandmother's birthday. I'm so happy that you read this one because I picked this one knowing that you would love it.
Oh, I love it. I'm freaked out. This girl is upstairs having a party.
With Tigger from Winnie the Pooh. Yeah. And her great grandmother that she never met.
A birthday tea. It's better than skeletal.
It's better than skeleton. It's way better than skeleton.
I don't know. Nothing's really better than skeleton.
I know. That's true. Scale Tom really is the MVP.
Yes, truly. As he's known now, though. Skeleton.
She learned how to say it. Where's that wah-wah button?
I know. I think we do. I just don't know what color it is.
Wah, wah, wah, wah. what would it be like applause we're like dang Skeletor now I asked about him to which I heard Oh, skeleton is upstairs.
And you're like, oh. So that's the wrong name, child.
What are you talking about? Like what are you growing and learning?
Get off here. Get away from me. Oh, but we digress.
We digress. My mom didn't make a big deal of it to me at all.
We carried on with our day. But it just goes to show you our loved ones 100% come to visit us.
Maybe. We can't see them in our older age, but I'm a firm believer our younger ones can see more than we can.
100%. I totally agree with you. Yeah. Oh yeah.
100%. Yes. And trust me when I say I have some wild stories from that house.
The house was built in the 1800s. and we're now all in our late 20s and 30s and remember seeing a woman in a very old timey dress and bonnet on her head coming next to us in our beds While we slept.
Oh, don't love that. She was just tucking you in.
I don't love that. I don't love that either.
Yeah, that's not my favorite. So just remember to always keep it weird but not so weird that you have a tea party with your dead great-grandmother and a stuffed animal.
I think I want to keep it that weird. I was going to say, I kind of want to keep it that weird.
I'm interested in keeping it. I would be okay with my great-grandmother coming and having a tea party with me on her birthday.
Absolutely. Absolutely. I'd be like, happy birthday, girl.
I'm always down for a party. Let's put our fascinators on and go to town.
Yeah, let's go crazy. You want some Earl Grey?
What's your flavor? Are you more of a green girl?
Yeah, what you doing? English breakfast?
I have a technical question for you, though.
Okay. Because these things, you're the experts as I'm listening to these things.
I'm learning that. Ghosts don't like moving into new homes.
No, because they lived there first. Is that the rule?
Yeah. Oh, there's no ghosts in new homes?
Because I don't think there's mum-mum. Lived in that house.
Well, they can travel anywhere they want.
They can travel. Yeah. But why? Why don't they travel to new construction with ghoul?
How come I never read that in the classifieds?
They don't have that on Zillow. You know, just built, haunted.
Haunted. New family already moved. But you're welcome to move in too.
Ghost families only live in old homes. Maybe there is a ghost Zillow and we don't know because we're not ghosts yet.
Oh. That would be a cool thing. Go Zillow.
Oh my goodness. It needs a cooler name. It has to be a hundred year old at least home to qualify probably.
Then there's why do they all show up in, like, old-timey clothes?
Like, everyone always asks, like, why does a ghost show up and say, like, it's Britney, bitch.
It's Britney, bitch. and they're wearing like flare-leg jeans.
That's another question. Do you think that's what's going to happen in like 15 years?
I feel like it is. When I die, I'm 100% going to go around and scare everybody and shoot out of it.
She's going to say it's Britney bitch. But that's not going to happen because you'll get there and they'll be like, here.
Wardrobe, and there's only frilly dresses with hats.
Oh, there's wardrobe before you walk into the house? they're like welcome you now have to wear old timey clothes yeah this is the wardrobe yeah Me and Sheena would get a good wardrobe.
100%. Yeah. We need hair, makeup, and wardrobe.
Thank you. I would fully go back to like 1692.
And be like a busted ass witch. Busted ass witch sign outside the house.
That's what I want. There's a whole wardrobe for busted ass witch.
Your pick of a few outfish. That's what I want to be.
That's what I want to haunt. Just go for it.
I don't want that. I want to be like a Vogue-ass witch.
We're going to go hunting together. Do you get any tales from your listeners saying, oh, I was a very poorly dressed high schooler and then this...
Ghost came to me and helped me figure out my style.
I haven't won yet, but there might be one in there.
So there's an opening in what you're saying.
There's a whole market. Yeah. Maybe all the Vogue ghosts go somewhere else.
Untapped. Maybe. Maybe. I don't know. You guys will find out.
Not in the afterlife. See you there. Hopefully not soon.
Hopefully not soon. They're all at the Ghostella Festival.
Go Stella. Yeah. I want to go to go Stella too.
Let's go. Not too soon. Yeah, let's manifest anything right now.
Yeah, no ghosting. Anyway, moving on. I did enjoy that.
You got to read? That was such a good one.
That was fun. I can kind of read. That was a good podcast voice, I feel.
You do. All right, let's talk about Flesh Pedestrians.
Yeah. What is that? It's a band. You'll find out.
Oh, it should be a band. Good band name.
I call it. So trigger warning for this one right off the bat.
Flesh pedestrians are skinwalkers. And I know some people get freaked out when we talk about those, and I totally understand it.
I respect it. So... Just know right now, this is a story about flesh pedestrians.
Oh, and this person naked skinwalkers. Sorry.
Are like people. Can you? I can't. I don't know.
It's hard to explain. They're not nudists.
They're like a person. Something tells me this is not that humorous.
No, these are so flush. Pedestrians are like, uh, People, not people, things that use a human suit, essentially, to trick people. they're maybe so scared of this one you thought that was your neighbor but they do scary like fucked up shit They're like really scary.
All right. So people. Pardon my ignorance.
And I. believe in a lot of cultures skinwalk excuse me flush pedestrians i'll try to not say the word um, flesh pedestrians are like a very real thing and very scary.
So people like, get even just the mention of the name can be like, ah, like very triggering.
Person that has been nice enough to replace all the times that we would say, and I'm sorry, we go with FP.
With flush pedestrian. But we can say flush pedestrian.
It just rolls off the tongue. Yeah, it does.
Somebody on Twitter came up with it and I lolled for like an hour on it.
It was a funny way to say it. So they said... Is this like a Voldemort thing?
Kind of like he... Sort of. Yeah. He who shall not be named.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's kind of like that.
Yeah. So this person said, sent a previous email containing this story, but I replaced all the times I said...
SW with flesh pedestrian. And they said, which was a genius idea on y'all's part.
And on a reread made this story hilarious.
But we can't take credit for that because it was someone on Twitter.
It was not us. It was someone on Twitter. that that person is a genius i'll try to find that person i know we must we liked it and like retweeted it so it's got to be somewhere we'll try to shut you out Gmail us if it was you.
Yeah. Or just on Twitter, tag us and be like, that was me.
Yeah. Because I want to give you credit because it was hilarious.
So the first time I wrote this, I also didn't have my meds because the pharmacy near me was out.
And I debated editing my first email further, but decided, nah, this is gold.
I'd rather it this way. I figured you two would enjoy it as well.
We do. So here it is again with just the flesh pedestrian edits.
I love y'all so much. My name is Jonesy.
They, them pronouns, please. And it's pronounced like the last name Jonesy, but Jones with an E sound at the end.
And Jonesy sounds like Jonesy. Jonesy. Just like I wrote it above.
It's the same. It's like Jonesy. And I've been listening to your podcast for a few years.
Cue underwater microphone flashbacks. Blah, blah, blah. and y'all are still my favorite podcast to listen to.
I recently got diagnosed with ADHD And I'm raw dogging writing this email without my meds because apparently there's an Adderall shortage and I'm lucky enough to live in a college town.
Wahoo. That's why. why there's an Adderall shortage.
Exactly. So sorry if this seems a little scattered, after last week's listener tale about the flesh pedestrian encounter on a mountain back road, I needed to share my story with you.
Attached is a put-a-fa, which this story, with this story, because y'all understand the appeal of 12-point font and double spacing.
Yeah, we do. Yes, we do. Anyways, summer solstice, flush pedestrian encounter at a hot spring in Utah.
Can confirm. Ahem. It was the summer of 2018 and I'd gotten really into hiking.
I know fresh air is for dead people. Have I learned my lesson?
Absolutely not. I want to know what makes people get into hiking.
Fresh air, I think. You could just sit outside. true walking exercise hiking is not for me it's not for me so just any Coming across a doe?
Eh. Seeing animals? You could do that at the zoo.
And the tweeting of the birds. I don't even enjoy that.
Smelling a spring. I don't think your attempts at converting are working.
I don't think it will. Sniff your water bottle.
Let's just go for a Starbucks. coffee shop around the corner.
You always finish a hike with a coffee. I start my morning with a coffee too.
I don't even have to hike. We can start and end with a coffee.
It's a double coffee. Sometimes I hear that along the trail, there's like a big stack of Vogue magazines that It's not true.
Not true. Those are in my house. All right.
Well, browsing alltrails.com for some cool spots to check out.
I didn't know that existed. I came across Fifth Water Hot Springs, also called Diamond Fork Hot Springs.
I might go if it's called Diamond Four Contents.
There you go. And I believe it has a few other names.
I digress. I was living in Salt Lake at the time, and it was about an hour and a half drive to the trailhead. but I couldn't think of a more perfect witchy thing to do than hike some hot springs on the eve of summer solstice And bathe in the moonlight and some gorgeous ass hot springs at the base of this gorgeous ass waterfall.
They sold it. That is pretty witchy. Are you a hiker now?
Not a hiker unless there's a hot spring involved.
I'll bathe in a hot spring on a summer solstice eve.
Only on summer solstice. Or in moonlight.
There you go. Yes. I invited my friend. Dee will call her.
And she invited her friend. AJ will call her.
Long subplot and a long story short, we got to the trail later than expected because summer afternoon traffic through Salt Lake and Provo is a fucking nightmare.
We start hiking and the trail is about two miles long.
Short incline, nothing crazy. However, AJ was wearing sandals. even though I definitely advised against it more than once because I am a Capricorn.
And you bet I brought hiking shoes, water shoes, a dry change of clothes, plastic bags for my wet clothes, and anything else I could think of.
And I don't understand why they didn't do the same.
Amateurs, jeez, I get that. spoken like a true Capricorn.
And I didn't understand why they didn't do that too.
Do you know how many times a day I say, I don't understand why you don't think the way that I do or do the things that I do?
It happens all the time. I gave you your new mantra.
I think that way too. all the time that's because Virgos and Capricorns are pretty similar we get it we get it we're like why don't you think that way I don't understand.
What's wrong with you? You have the organization part that a Gemini doesn't have.
There you go. Yes. So we're all kind of linked together, but you guys have the key points that I'm missing because I'm a chaos-fueled individual.
But you need chaos too. Absolutely. You're really good at this.
Thanks. Pure chaos. Maybe I should start an astrology show.
Leo is 100% chaos. Is that what I bring to the table?
He's 1000% chaos. You're a chaotic person, but like, I don't, Leo's aren't like super chaotic.
Leo's are pretty organized, but they like to be leaders.
Yes. He's a leader in chaos. There you go.
Okay, there you go. I like that. Everyone smash your microphones and drink.
Do it. What is an Aries? Tell me more about Aries.
I just want to know, because I'm married to one.
OK, now you're stressing me out. But Aries are putting you on the spot. a little bit rigid and in their ways.
They're also, they tend to be know-it-alls.
But they are fun to hang out with in that like they're pretty easy to like hang out with.
I like that. Fun to work out with quietly.
Yeah, that's what we do. So it makes sense.
Anyway. Hiking the trail takes us a little longer than I was wanting to slash expecting. because we had to take quite a few breaks for AJ to get rocks out of her stupid sandals.
I feel... Jonesy so hard on this. I'd be like, why did you wear funny sandals?
I would be the one wearing sandals. Yeah.
We'd leave you in the hot spring and you'd be happy.
Yeah, I would be so happy in a hot spring.
So by the time we reach the actual hot springs, the sun has set and it is dark, but holy cow, was it beautiful.
The emerald green and blue pools illuminated by the moonlight, the rush of the waterfall in the background, Oh. want to go to this place what a what a scene you just said finish then you say if you still want to go to this place it sounds remember how we started delightful It does.
Jonesy set a real beautiful scene here. AJ may not be AJ.
They are really leading us into there. They're being a flush pedestrian right now.
A group was leaving right as we got there, so we took their spot in what happened to be the biggest and deepest pool of them all, which was a total score.
But remember this detail for later. We set our stuff on a nearby rock, stripped down to swimsuits, and dove in.
After a little convincing from D and AJ that we weren't in trouble, that we wouldn't be in trouble.
I wasn't a rule breaker. What can I say?
Yeah, you're okay. Capricorn, of course not.
I take my top off and we take some rad pictures using Dee's underwater flashlight and kick-ass camera.
Attached is one of the safe for work pictures because I felt like a goddamn mermaid and that should be treasured. i love you you look like a goddamn we want to see this picture we can show you we have to they're at the bottom During this time, I was aware of my sexuality, but hadn't quite embraced it or was sure exactly what it was.
I was bisexual, non-binary in the same way that a le... Is it LaCroix?
I say LaCroix. LaCroix? Lacroix. Lacroix.
He came back. So, Lacroix. That sounds better.
It does. Than La Croix. I think it is technically supposed to be pronounced La Croix.
There you go. So I was bisexual, non-binary, in the same way that a Lacroix...
It kind of tastes like a whisper of a strawberry, but you're still not entirely certain.
That's a great way to explain that. And you nailed that.
That really was like, woof. The limoncello flavor, though, is my favorite.
It's good. But that night made me a little more sure that my strawberry whiskey spurs of queerness were real because my chats with my friends and I figured out I definitely had a crush on AJ. who later was actually the first girl that I kissed.
So hey, yo. You kissed a girl and you liked it.
But Jonesy also said AJ was an idiot for wearing sandals.
That's true. So it was like a complicated relationship.
They're really leaning into this. They are.
Maybe AJ is a Gemini and this is just proof that Capricorns and Geminis can work out.
There you go. They appreciate both sides.
Maybe AJ's not even human. We'll find out.
Who knows? Maybe AJ is an FPSW. Uh-oh. Well, this all sounds like a magical summer solstice.
Am I right? It really does. What could possibly go wrong?
FWs. Uh-oh. I mean, FWs. FPs. FPs. In the pool above us is a guy that keeps telling people to turn off their flashlights. which was valid because it ruined the view of the stars.
And he also kept saying, nice night, isn't it?
Like a Skyrim NPC. Who just says that on a loop when you accidentally get too close.
So basically they're saying like, this is not a human.
I got it. Non-player character. Oh, look at you.
Are you like a dictionary over there? So you know when you go and you play and they have these computer characters?
That's why it's on a loop every time you go to that guy.
Turn off your flashlights. Nice night, isn't it?
Because he's not a person. I like that comparison. you're really good at comparisons jonesy i like it you're painting me a beautiful picture jonesy Oh, Alina and I are big dog lovers.
She can fully attest that I comment on basically every single dog that I see while we're driving together.
It's a lot of like, Oh my God, Look at that handsome boy.
And oh my God, that dog has bad bee energy.
I love her. I really only can hope that these owners love their dogs as much as I do.
And for that very reason, I want to tell you about Embark DNA tests.
Every dog owner needs to know about this, so listen up.
The Embark DNA test makes it so that you know pretty much every last detail about your dog. and that way you're able to be prepared for all the years that you plan to spend together.
You'll be able to tell your vet about all the health insights that your results told you about.
And then you and your vet will be able to tailor care to your dog's specific needs by coming up with a fully personalized and proactive plan.
This is wild. 61% of pet owners plan to adjust their dog's routine or feel more prepared to be a good parent after testing with Embark.
I think that's remarkable. And it's probably because Embark was found to be the most trusted dog DNA test based on a blind study of 2,000 dog owners.
And it is the highest reviewed dog DNA test available.
If you love your dog as much as I probably love your dog, you gotta get them an Embark DNA test.
Take the advice from people who have actually gone through the process too.
One customer said, Getting her from a shelter and not knowing anything about her history always bothered me.
We were always getting asked what she was and could never say for sure.
Knowing what she is now is a great feeling.
The results were so surprising and blew us all away.
I think this person is a puppy owning rock star.
I just think. Weirdos, if you also want to be a puppy owning rockstar, then here's what you need to know.
Embark offers the most scientifically advanced dog DNA test.
Their test analyzes more than 230,000 genetic markers.
That is over twice as much genetic data as the competition right now. and Bark has a limited time offer on their breed and health kit and purebred kit for our listeners.
Go to EmbarkVet.com to get free shipping and save $50 with promo code MORBID.
Again, that's EmbarkVet.com and use promo code MORBID to save $50 today.
Woof woof. He had been there since we got there and we didn't really pay much attention to him. until this motherfucker gets out of his pool and walks down to ours and asks if he can join us because the people above him are shining their lights to Remember, the pool we're in is pretty big, but also alarm bells were going off in my head, and before I could say no,
Sweet Dee says, no worries, that's fine.
Me and Sheena. No, Dee. Yes, worries. It's not fine.
And that is definitely me. No, Dee. Yes, worries.
It's not fun. I love yes worries. The problem is you get nervous and you say yes because you don't want to offend somebody.
Even if you don't want them to be there, you're like, Okay, sure.
Ash panic orders food. I was just going to say, in this, you just read my mind.
Go right ahead. In this moment, I need to know if you panic order.
Do you ever get to, like... the drive-thru or, like, up to the window where you're gonna order something, and you knew in your head what you were gonna order before, but then the person says, like...
Hi, how are you? And you go, I'll just take like a venti chai with skim milk and dogs.
Two pop cups, please. I am past the point in my life where I panic order.
But I do make other people order first to buy myself more times.
Remember, was it on the way to Salem where you ordered something?
Oh, no, it was in Salem. It was in Salem.
She comes out of a shop after using the bathroom and she's holding an iced coffee of some sort.
She goes, I literally don't know what this is.
I ordered it. I was like, I'll take a... And then he handed it to me and I was like, I don't know what I asked for.
It was And it wasn't what I wanted. Do you remember what happened to us the first time we all met and I had to drink that bizarre concoction?
Oh, yeah. And I didn't know what it was and I didn't want to drink it, but I didn't want to tell them that that's not what I ordered.
Yep. Oh my God, I forgot about that. It started off that way.
There you go. No, you're just a people pleaser because you knew what you ordered.
You just didn't get what you ordered. 100%.
But this is promising for you. It is. There's hope.
You can get there. You will just. make other people order first, but you want to buy time.
I love that. Well, you know what, Dee? Yes worries.
It's not fine. It's all fun and games until a ghost boy gets into the hot pool with naked people.
I'm saying it's not a ghost saying. I immediately put my top back on.
And over the next 10 minutes, this dude, without saying anything to us, keeps getting closer. closer to us in the pool.
It was like I'd look away from him and when I'd glance over, he'd be closer.
As he gets closer, I obviously grow increasingly uncomfortable, but not in the same way.
I felt not in the same way I felt uncomfortable when I thought a dude was following me home.
It felt different. Scarier. I started to keep him in my eyesight and from far away I could see he was wearing glasses.
But now that I can make out more features, I noticed that his glasses were very crooked and they were really far down on his nose, almost to the point where they were teetering falling off.
Like there was no way he could actually see clearly out of them.
I wear glasses. I would know. Then as I looked younger, as I looked longer, I saw that his eyes were tiny. just little tiny black dots just poked into his face.
Gross. Perfectly round, just like dots. This is just computer generated.
He's just computer generated. Perfectly round.
And they were crooked, too. His mouth was definitely the worst.
It was drooping to one side and the other side looked abnormally wide and high.
This happened. with the last listener yeah the mouth was like and they were in a time warp He feels great right about pedestrians just don't know how to do the mouth.
They don't know how to get dressed. They don't know how to do it.
It's all like the finishing touches. They just don't know how to do.
They're not closers. They are not closers.
You're right. Always be selling for closing.
He had very thin lips. As I kept looking, that bothers me.
He had very thin lips as I kept looking.
Have a good night. I don't know what it is saying.
He had very thin lips. Freaks me out. Why do you say thin lips making a thin lip face?
Because I feel like my body just like sucks my lips in.
I'm going to have nightmares. It's a flush pedestrian situation.
I've never seen a flush pedestrian until now.
You're picturing one right now. I'm going to have my bears.
Well, and as I kept looking, I saw that none of his features looked quite right at all. his skin on his chest, arms, and hands looked like it was stretched too tight and it would rip at any moment.
And his fingernails were like three inches long.
I shit you not. He had acrylics. His fingernails were three inches long, my dudes.
That's really great on acrylics, okay? You can just tear his skin open at any time.
His really tight skin. Yeah. Because it's just a flush.
That's why he has nothing left for the lips.
Because he's just tearing the shit open.
That's probably it. It just stretches. How does one acquire...
Skin? Pieces of skin. You can't know. We need to talk to Buffalo Bill about that.
I think. Yeah. So he must have noticed me staring and he said, have you girls ever been here before?
I quickly said. Yep, we come here all the time.
He was quiet for a moment before saying, Yep, I've been coming here every night for the past 10 years.
I was raised close to these mountains. I noticed that AJ and D had gotten very quiet and none of us responded to him.
The quiet felt heavy, and I was suddenly aware that most of the other groups had cleared out.
We sat in silence exchanging glances until two people from the pool below us climb up the trail and ask if they can join us for a minute while their other two friends finish making out.
I say, sure, and use this as an opportunity to try to tell Dee and AJ that I want to go soon.
The couple, who finish definitely more than just making out, climb up the hill to meet their friends, and the group leaves.
Silence again. Suddenly in sync. They didn't use that as the opportunity to leave.
Come on. Yeah, like we came with them. Gotta go.
Bye. Gotta go. Our friends are leaving.
Bye. I know, because you also have to hike down.
Yeah. Suddenly NSYNC without saying anything.
I thought it was NSYNC for a second. Suddenly NSYNC appeared.
I was like, oh, really? The three of us stand up and skirt past weird dude, weird glasses dude, grab our shit and head down to the lower pool.
Ready to get the fuck out. It says, ready, go, get the fuck out.
Quickly start changing. And AJ does the same.
Dee then asks if we can take a few pictures of her really fast since she's been the one taking the pictures of us.
This is not the time. I'd be like, no, Dee.
Let's pause and take photos here. Not for the gram today.
Not for the grammy. You can't pass up on this photo.
I was just going to say, so... Ash will be like, I think we have time, guys.
It's good lighting. I look good in the moonlight.
I found my light. While not trying to be a bitch and also trying not to sound paranoid, I ask AJ to take the pictures, but to please fucking hurry.
I'm ready to go. So I decide to keep lookout and make sure that dude doesn't follow us.
I keep my flashlight on the trail in the pools above us.
Then out of fucking nowhere, without a sound, I see this fucking guy. crawl like a spider up and over the rocks above the pools and disappear into the trees.
Let me be clear, this motherfucker crawled on all fours with inhuman speed defying gravity up the rocks above the hot pots and disappeared.
I can tell that Sheena's scared, so I do want to interrupt this moment and say that all I can picture is Edward Cullen from Twilight yeeting himself into the trees.
Do you feel better? Hold it tight, spider monkey.
Okay, I feel better. Thank you for changing my visual.
For changing the vibe of that whole thing.
We are now in Forks. We are now in Forks, Washington.
About to have a love scene. But you know what?
We're back now. I'm taking my eyes off of where I saw him last.
I am firmly near shouting, telling AJ and D to hurry the fuck up.
We need to go now. taking pictures? Yeah, I'd be like, because they didn't see that.
See the Spider-Man. I hear Spider-Man. I hear Dee, clearly freaked out, ask, did you see that too?
Over and over again. AJ, who apparently didn't just see this golem-looking-ass motherfucker climb up into the rocks... is asking us why we're acting weird and to stop because we're scaring her.
I keep repeating that we need to go, and again, without taking my eyes off the rocks, Grab a nearly empty glass bottle that someone left and hold the neck, ready to break it, over this thing's head and keep cutting.
But on another note, don't fucking litter and don't leave glass around areas where people might be barefoot.
That's a dick move. You're right. That is.
Dee runs around me. around me d runs ahead of me i run after her and aj follows behind us we pass the pool We passed the first pool we were in and guess what we see?
Fucking weird glasses guy sitting in the same spot like he hadn't moved.
And as we run past him, he says, have a nice night, ladies.
I go into full on sprint and we fucking start booking it two miles back to the car because her stupid sandals again.
And because she did not see what D&I did, otherwise she would have been acting a little different.
We had to stop a few times for AJ. Each time I shine the flashlight on the trail behind us to make sure we weren't being followed.
And each time I saw nothing. We finally make it back to the car, and as I'm scrambling to unlock it, guess who walks out from the trail?
That's right, weird glasses guy. He isn't wearing shoes or a shirt, and I see him start looking around.
We get in the car, and without waiting for anybody to buckle up, I throw my shitty Chevy AVO into reverse, and we fly out of there.
I had the GPS direction saved because I knew there wouldn't be cell reception, just Capricorn things.
And without stopping, I pull them up while I lay on my horn to warn oncoming deer of my vehicle's approach.
That was very respectful. For the deer?
Good job warning the deer. AJ keeps asking what the fuck has happened and Dee explains that she saw the guy with the glasses crawl up over the rocks and disappear.
I interject here. I interject here and there with, I kept my eyes on where he went the whole time.
There's no way he could have gotten back in that same spot.
And did you see that he came right out after us?
I kept looking behind us and I definitely wouldn't have seen him if he was that close.
Would have seen him. would have seen him if he was that close, all while honking and trying to steer clear of wandering deer.
After a thank God we're alive pit stop at the first McDonald's we see back in civilization.
Yeah. We make the long drive back to Salt Lake City or Salt Lake.
Salt Lake City. Salt Lake. Salt Lake. occasionally recounting what happened, trying to make sense of it all.
A few days later, I told my friend slash gateway weirdo who recommended your podcast to me.
See, it all circles back. She even warned me of the underwater audio and assured me that it got better.
Without missing a beat, she said, dude. That was definitely a flush pedestrian.
I had never actually heard of a flush pedestrian before.
So she gave me a thorough education about them and their prevalence here in Utah.
Check out Trigger Warning Not Censored, Skinwalker Ranch, and Skinwalker Stories About Utah's West Desert if you want to scare yourself.
Skinwalker Ranch is one of the scariest things that I have ever looked into.
I actually want to cover that on the podcast.
I also actually want to go. And we will.
What is happening? What is happening? We'll take you guys with us.
We'll take you. You want to come? I object.
Majority rules. I since then have also concluded that that was definitely a flush pedestrian and I am lucky to be alive.
No big deal. Wait, do they eat people? maybe they like do bad things like bad things like you just disappear oh that's how they get the skin yeah they'll take your skin i love the part about young love yeah right jonesy even though had this aj around who almost caused life Still said, hey, let's make out.
Yes, but it wasn't necessarily that day.
Oh, I understand now. But we don't know.
Maybe this was the first time in a long time that the McDonald's milkshake machine was working and they shared a milkshake.
A McFlurry, if you will. That's what I think happened.
I thought this was the night it happened.
I didn't realize. Josie didn't clarify. Didn't clarify, so it could have happened.
Also, Jonesy has been back at those hot springs a few times.
But I always go during the day and I have a greater respect for the mountains and the creatures that reside within.
Thank you for reading all of this, and remember to keep it weird, but not flesh pedestrian glasses dude weird.
Never that weird. Love, Jonesy. P.S. I would love if you guys did an episode about these things.
The lore and history is so fascinating and you can find so many stories.
Definitely creepy, though, and will give you similar, if not worse, heebie-jeebies than the Black Eyed Children.
Okay, love you, bye. The pics, because it did happen.
The Instagram pics. Yeah. Jonesy, I love your hair.
I also love your tats. I don't mind going there during the day.
That looks wonderful. It looks absolutely beautiful.
And thank you for the pics because now I really believe it happened. didn't happen.
It's all thanks to Dee. There's a lot of pictures of Dee with Spider-Man.
If you can see Spider-Man in the background just clinging to a rock.
Honestly, I wish they got a picture of the flesh pedestrian.
I know. I wonder if they show up on film.
I don't know. Well, they're not vampires.
We'll have to cover that when we do an episode about them.
I love that this is just a normal query.
Yeah. Do you think flush pedestrians show up?
Do you think if I take a photo of that paranormal person, will they show up?
You never know. I don't know if they show up on film, but my phone is digital.
I guess they don't show on film, but they do show on digital.
Maybe. We can't be sure. I don't know. We'll find out.
If you film at 120 frames per second, 240 doesn't work.
It has to be at 3 a.m. We'll let you know in a few years.
We will. There you go. She knows something with us to find out.
It's happening. I love it. It's all happening.
Guys, this was really fun. Was this the longest episode of your lives?
Not our lives. It'll be cut down a little bit.
Do you guys need to plug your things? Tell us where we can find all of your amazing content.
We haven't had a guest in a while, so I forgot about that.
You can find us on TikTok, Instagram, YouTube.
Where do we type in? Sheena Maloney. All right.
Everything. Sheena Maloney's dead. There you go.
Sheena Malwani's dad. Sheena Malwani's dad and you will know everything you need to know. and there it is amazing and we'll link to all of it too so you guys can just click right into it yes but this has been wonderful I will be back next week people I'm glad.
I'm just coming back every week now. I love it.
He's a third host now. That way you don't have to listen in the car.
Yes. You can listen here. There you go. Just be live.
Everyone just come. I'll give you the address. come to the lawn here and if you are interested in that you let us know You have music coming up.
Yeah. Oh, yeah. You have to plug it all.
Your manager's here. Hello. Mention it all.
Mention it all. I do. I do, I have music coming out.
What's your favorite song? Find Your Happy.
Wow, you're good. Look at that. It's coming.
We don't know. Soon. Coming soon to your phones. store near you.
To your ear meat. Well, guys, seriously, check out Sheena's music.
And they are hilarious on TikTok. Please follow them.
Again, I'm going to link it you will not be sorry and we hope you keep listening and we hope you keep it weird I've been waiting two hours for that I sing it in the car every time.
I love that. There you go. Bye. not so weird that you're at your nanny's haunted house and you hear something on all fours that just like goes thud thud thud in the night and you think that it's your nanny but it probably wasn't your nanny and definitely keep it so weird that you yeet that man's into the oblivion because he sucked rat face get out of here Definitely keep it so weird that you have a tea party with your dead grandmother on her birthday because that's so cool.
And keep it so weird that you're just chilling in a little hot spring in a flask pedestrian comes on across you and says, hey, have a nice night.
What's up, ladies? Bye. Let's take an Instagram picture.
Yeah! For the gram. Do it for the gram. Thank you.
If you like Morbid, you can listen early and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wondery.com slash survey.
The town of Agde in France is famous for sun, sand, sea and sex.
But lately, life on the coast has taken a strange turn.
The town's mayor, a respected pillar of the community, has been arrested for corruption.
His wife claims he's been bewitched by a beautiful clairvoyant.
Then there's the mysterious phone calls that local people have been getting.
I am the Archangel Michael. The whole town has been thrown into chaos.
As the mayor is unable to carry out his duties, I would like to address you all.
Legal proceedings have been initiated. Join me, Anna Richardson, and journalist Leo Schick for The Mystic and the Mayor as we investigate a story of power, corruption, and corruption. and magic.
Binge all episodes of The Mystic and the Mayor exclusively and ad-free right now on Wondery+.
Start your free trial in Apple Podcasts Spotify or the Wondery app