Hey weirdos, Elena here. If you're looking to kick back and relax with Morbid, Wondery Plus is the way to go. it's like having a cozy seat in our haunted mansion no ads just you and early access to new episodes You can join Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or in Apple Podcasts or Spotify.
You're listening to a Morbid Network podcast.
Listening on Audible helps your imagination soar.
Whether you listen to stories, motivation, expert advice, any genre you love, You can be inspired to imagine new worlds, new possibilities and new ways of thinking.
Listening can lead to positive changes in your mood, your habits, and ultimately your overall well-being.
Audible has an incredible selection of over 1 million audiobooks, podcasts, and Audible Originals all in one easy app.
Find the genres you love and discover new ones.
Explore bestsellers like my sister's title. new releases, plus thousands of included audiobooks, podcasts, and originals that members can listen to all they want with more added all the time.
I have been listening to the Martha's Vineyard Beach and Book Club, which actually Elena recommended to me.
She did not listen to it, but she said, girl, this title sounds so you.
And let me tell you, it did. I've been listening to it while I walk, and I am absolutely loving it.
I love all the Audible. There's more to imagine when you listen.
Sign up for a free 30-day Audible trial and your first audiobook is free.
Visit audible.com When it comes to hiring great talent, Indeed is all business needs.
Their sponsored job feature puts postings at the top of search results. helping employers reach ideal candidates faster with 45% more applications than non-sponsored jobs.
According to Indeed Data, businesses can build their dream team without delay. no monthly subscriptions or long-term contracts employers only pay for results Every minute, 23 people are hired through Indeed worldwide.
Speed up hiring today with a $75 sponsored job credit. at Indeed.com slash WonderyUS.
Just mention hearing about Indeed on this podcast.
Terms and conditions apply. Hiring? Indeed is all you need.
Hey, you weirdos. I'm Ash. And I'm Elena.
And this is a Listener Tales Morbid. It's a listener.
Thank you. Thank you. Brought to you by you, for you, from you, and all about you.
Sure is. It's going to be a good one. I picked these while in the bathtub last night and I had tears coming out of my eyes.
So if you don't think they're funny, you're just wrong.
I love that. And I haven't read them yet.
So this is going to be me reacting in real time.
Live. So if I trip over words, I'm sorry.
I didn't read it yet. It's okay. I'll forgive you.
So I think the only thing we wanted to mention was, oh, just this little thing.
Little thing called... Morbid Network, baby.
Morbid Network. And we just wanted to quickly just kind of...
First of all, if you don't have social media or you didn't see it yesterday, we announced that we are starting or have started our own podcast. podcast network under the audio boom umbrella and it's called morbid network Right now we have five shows under our network.
We have Cult Leader. Which I know like a lot of people lost their mind because who doesn't love Spencer?
Everybody loves a good Spencer Henry. Everybody loves a Spencer Henry.
Vote for him in the VMAs next year. We have Strange and Unusual podcast, which Allison is literally she's right up there with like Aaron Mankey. is like one of the greatest storytellers on a podcast her voice is amazing it's so relaxing and you're gonna learn so much she loves she's spooky history it's great then we have that spooky We have Johnny and Tyler there and they are amazing.
They're going to be your new gay best friends.
Talking drag race, all things paranormal.
They're going to talk shit about serial killers.
It's incredible. They're amazing. And they're from Canada.
So who doesn't love Canada? Yeah. We also have seven deadly sinners, which is a new podcast that I think you're all going to die for.
So good. It's talking about crazy preachers and crazy cults.
It's awesome. And it's hosted by Rachel O'Brien, who we had...
Who we've had. Who we've had. Who we have had, okay, on our show.
And we love Reese. Rachel. And she's also a standup comedian, like professionally.
She is so fucking funny guys. One of the most hilarious people I know.
Go check out our... social media sites so you can see all the videos that everybody wrote about them because the last one that we have on our network right now.
And by the way, these aren't the only podcasts we're ever going to have on the network.
We're going to expand. It's going to be a morbid take over this is just our little here you go this is the first little smattering of the fam right But the last network that we have in there is a new podcast that has not been released yet.
It will be released October 1st and it is made...
Elena? Who are you? I'm Elena. yeah and our very good friend and friend of the pod caleb from horror soup what what and together we are doing a podcast called scream with an exclamation point scream And it's basically us every week choosing a different horror movie.
I choose one. He chooses one. And then we argue about it and talk about it.
And it's fun. It's all horror movies. So if you're into horror movies, that's where to go to hear me talk shit about serial killers.
With Reckless Abandon. Boom. Yeah. So that's going to be coming out October 1st.
We're really excited about this network because we get to introduce all these people to the morbid audience.
Because these are all pods that we've loved for a really long time.
Exactly. We have a feeling that most of you are going to love them too. and just absolutely we feel that they should get the love they deserve exactly and again we chose them based on one we love them we've listened to them we've We believe in their podcasts.
We believe in them. And also we want to go to dinner with all of them.
So it's important. Yeah. And like. yeah.
And like, yeah. Yeah. So, uh, yeah. So that was exciting.
And we just wanted to you know say yay for all those podcasts and we can't wait to keep doing stuff with them and keep adding and all that fun stuff and did you explain like what a network is if anybody's confused oh yeah because i know some people were confused and I you know I didn't know what a net podcast network was before I was a podcaster so it's kind of like a newer thing yeah Um, so we, like we are under audio boom as our podcast network.
They are the people that, you know, like just kind of like grow you. and help you grow with you.
And it's kind of like how NBC is a network and they have shows under their network.
Right. You know, that's kind of what it is.
So nothing's going to change with morbid.
It's just us introducing more shows into your lives.
We're just now related to these shows. Yeah. and just growing our brand a little bit that's all so nothing will change with morbid just in case anyone was wondering uh it's all going to be the same Still us in your ear meet.
Exactly. You're welcome. Yippee. And nothing will change with Crime Countdown either.
No, that's podcast. That's a separate. That's a separate network.
Yeah, literally. I know it's confusing, but we love you and it's all going to be awesome.
I think that's really all we have. Yeah, we are super excited about that.
Because the last week or two have been... have been i'm all right i promise you know it's it's a day yeah because a lot Last couple weeks with Myra and Ian Henley and Brady, yada yada.
I don't know what's going on. Are you okay?
Do you want me to say it? No, I can say it.
I just like, wow. Yeah. I think my coffee hasn't hit yet.
Apparently. It's the morning ish. A little bit.
Well, because the last couple of weeks have been so devastating to your ear meat.
With Myra Hindley and Ian Brady. Yes. Okay.
We did it. We decided that we would kind of lighten things up for you a little bit with some listeners.
Yeah, I think we could all use it. I know I could use it personally because I have been Like, just meshed into everything Ian Brady and Myra Henley.
Yeah. I need to get out of that headspace so I'm ready for you guys to take me on your weird ass journeys into whatever you're doing.
I need a weird ass journey because we I think we talked about the picture that you accidentally saw.
Yeah. And then I accidentally saw it. So that was fun.
And then I woke up at one o'clock in the morning the other night and it was the first image in my brain.
And so I was like, oh, I'll go on Instagram to relax.
And then the first thing that popped up was old ass Ian Brady in my I meet.
So you know what I did? Oh, I know what I did.
I have to tell everybody if you don't follow me on Twitter.
I woke up at one o'clock with that horrible thought and then that happened.
I went into my kitchen and I got some Chips Ahoy cookies and I dipped them in marshmallow fluff and ate them.
And then I watched The Simple Life and then I ate some ice cream.
What a power move. Until four o'clock in the morning.
You're just you're taking it all back for me and Brady.
Fuck you, Ian Brady. That's how I punched a Myra Hindley supporter in the face.
Yeah, that's our new... With marshmallow fluff cookies.
...movement is punch a Myra Hindley supporter in the face today.
Okay. So do that. So listener tales. My first one is called listener stories.
Hiking is for dead people. Sure is. Hopefully I can get through this because.
You know how when it's listener tales, I just forget how to be literate.
You know? It's hard. It starts off by saying, Hey Ash and Elena.
I just started listening to you guys about a month ago and I'm already like 100 episodes in Wow.
That's impressive. I love you. This is my first true crime podcast and I am so glad. glad proud to now call myself a weirdo i'm unsure how to preface this story so i'm gonna jump right in I am originally from Iowa, and I have never traveled much outside of the Midwest until very recently.
The only time I traveled was with my family to be...
To go be crew for my dad at races. He's a runner.
Last runner. Last runner. Last runner. Last summer, I went to California to do research near LA, and it was the furthest I've ever been from my family.
I was so excited to be away from home and in California of all places and I wanted to try all of the things.
Anyway... Where I was staying was really close to this beautiful mountain, and about a week or two into coming to California, I decided I want to go hiking.
LOL first mistake. LOL. And they wrote that, not me.
I asked if anyone wanted to go with me, but I think all the students I was there with were sleeping in.
Me. So I decided to go alone. No. Bad choice, girl.
Don't do it. I decided I, I'm just reading that again.
Um, I was planning on taking the ski lift up the mountain going zip lining.
Great choice. and then going back home.
I Ubered there, took the ski lift up, went zip lining, which took like 30 seconds and felt like I might as well. make a day of it and hike up the mountain no don't make a day of it no because if you make a day of it you might make a life of it or a night of it That's the new motto.
If you're trying to just make a day of it, you might make a life of it.
So think about that. And I feel like it will be a short life.
Yes. This was June in California. I had one bottle of water, one granola bar, and zero sunscreen.
Super smart. I know. Or I'd be dead just because of lack of sunscreen.
Honestly. And I would be dead because I eat every two hours.
I get that from my grandpa. It was maybe. a five mile hike up to the top.
It was beautiful. I took lots of pictures and then I started hiking back down.
I then ski lifted back down to the bottom and bought a sweatshirt because I was so sunburned that I was getting cold.
Oh, no. And my eyes were sunburned, so I used the hood for shade.
Girl. Why did you do this? I'm upset about that.
I know. This is the horror part of the story for me.
My eyes were sunburned. I've never had that happen.
It was about 6pm, my phone had like 7% left, I had zero service.
It was at this time I realized how royally fucked I was.
It took you a little while. I'm not going to lie.
But you know what? You came to the decision.
You got there. I'm proud of you. I had already walked like 11 or 12 miles.
I don't even think I've walked that in my lifetime.
That sentence didn't even register to me.
It was like, what now? Fuck that. And was now going to need to find my way back to the school. or at least the bottom of the mountain to get an Uber.
I was so mad at myself, but I turned my phone off to try to save the battery and started walking down the hill.
After a couple miles, somebody pulled over and asked if I wanted a ride.
You never want a ride. You don't want a ride.
As badly as you want a ride, you don't want a ride.
You don't. Bye. He was an old man who had a chihuahua in the back and I was getting really bad vibes from him.
I don't know if I was delirious, gullible or if I was lulled into security by the dog.
That's why they do that. But I got in. Oh, no.
No. No. Things were normal at first. He was asking where I was from and what kind of research I was doing.
But then things took a dark turn. He started asking whether I was a good Christian No, I would literally tuck and roll out of that car immediately.
I'd be like, I'm real bad. I'm bad to the bone.
Watch this. Watch me do a stunt. Nope. He asked if I read the Bible every day.
No. And other weird stuff. I've tried to block it out.
Well, his ex-wife... He started talking about how he hated all women and thought of them as slaves.
Oh no. what i'm so glad that you're writing this right now because if i didn't know any better i'd be like you died well then you died yeah Also, I'd be like, hi, I'm the woman's.
I'm the woman's. Why are you helping me?
Because you're going to kill me. Yes. Of course I'm freaking the fuck out.
I try to get him talking about his daughter, which seemed to calm him down a little bit.
I notice we're not going the right way. Of course you're not.
You're never going the right way. You should have just known. not you're never going you you had to know that you were going to go in the opposite direction so far so far the opposite direction damn it elena's so mad she just threw her fucking charger again sorry i have very loose outlets in my house because again it's a thousand years old legitimately uh headed the wrong way looked to be headed in the opposite way from school from the school I was staying at I had turned my phone back on and finally had service when the dude noticed I had my phone out.
He started going crazy and talking about how I just needed to turn the phone off and stop recording him and he looked super crazy.
Ah. My heart was pumping so fast and I felt like this was going to be it.
And I told him to let me out that I could walk from here.
Luckily he stopped and let me out of the car.
I genuinely don't know how I got out of this alive.
Me either. Wow. Like I'm shocked that he just let her out with like no fans or butts.
That stresses me out even more. Yeah. Honestly.
Cause like, why did he follow you? Or like, why?
I don't know. He was so hateful and seemed so unhinged and reminded me of the way so many serial killers feel towards their mothers or just women in general.
Yes. Absolutely. Honestly. So with the 2% left on my phone I had lost signal again and started walking down the mountain again.
I found a fire department and called an Uber who took me back to the college I was staying at.
I keep getting the urge to go look through the arrests in LA County, but I know I would be fucked up if I found... out he had actually kidnapped or murdered somebody so i stopped myself no go back and look for that You're fine.
I know I would love to know. You're good.
I'll look for you. I need to know. Anyways that was the beginning of my summer.
It didn't stop me from continuing to do all the things, but I took people with me for the rest of my trips.
Smart. Good. Smart girl. Good good. I have now learned that I would not have survived the 70s.
Me either. Nope, you wouldn't have. You would have been right on that bus with Ash.
I think you honestly would have died before me. and that's a big insult and i'd be waving i love you girl but that's an insult Because I am way too trusting and might have gotten into the car with Ed Kemper.
I was thinking that the entire time that you would have definitely taken a ride from Ed Kemper. see i wouldn't have i feel like i would have gotten bad vibes from it oh no i think no i think he he's very trusting and he has a very soothing voice and he has glasses and i think he could make anybody feel very like chill i'm gonna say something moderately problematic.
I feel like I just would have gotten on the bus with Charlie Manson because he was pretty good looking back in the day. i mean it is what it is yeah you know anyways This is why hiking is for dead people and why I should have started listening to you guys a year ago.
Love your show. And thanks for listening to my story, Kayla.
P.S. If you are curious, I do research and math.
I was curious, Kayla. At the end of this, I was going to be like, by the way.
What kind of research? Because you know what?
That's awesome. And good for you. Women in math.
That needs to be more of a thing. So Kayla, I'm glad we didn't lose you.
Me too. Real glad about that. Don't ever do that again.
No. So glad that you're listening to us now.
We can yell and scream at you about all the things you did wrong.
We love you. We love you so much and that's why we're so happy that you lived.
You were alive. We want you to continue to live.
So, wow. that don't ever have that happen again because i'm genuinely like really stressed out for you yeah that was a stressful one oh well thanks kayla My next one is called, oof, I'm uncomfy AF.
Or nope, not AF. I just made that up. I like that you made that up.
I'm Uncomfy, a listener story regarding a minor B&E and a major UFO.
I already love this. We're ready. Hello you beautiful babes, ghoulish goddesses, sinister sisters.
Ugh, you win. I think that's, we need a shirt that says that.
That's amazing. All of that. We really do.
One proclamation of love. I just want to start by saying thank you.
I've only recently discovered Morbid however in the last couple of weeks I've successfully binged the first 100 episodes I recently started a tiny business, literally just me.
Bad bitch alert. So I work all alone all day, every day.
Y'all are the best coworkers I've ever had and keep me company while I paint old creepy houses.
That's amazing. Ideal. Iconic. I cannot tell you how many times I've almost fallen off a roof slash ladder, either laughing with y'all or jumping because I've psyched myself out so bad.
So thank you for keeping my adrenaline pumping.
I just bought a few shirts and can't wait to rock them this spoopy season.
I also feel as though I have to congratulate Elena on Baby Morbid because that's where I'm at in the podcast, even though she's probably 43%. she is honestly i don't even know what year it is anymore for thank you so much yeah that was so sweet she's 11 months so I'll still take the congratulations I appreciate it she's essentially year she's gonna be one like next week i know that's blowing my mind i can't even say it So number two, I'm sorry.
Let me preface this with the fact that I'm actually so pissed off.
I would love to be emailing y'all saying I've seen a ghost or communicated with those beyond the grave.
However, my experience with a UFO, a goddamn UFO, those of which get such bad reputations and their spectators are usually quirky, quickly written off as cuckoo nuts.
The only reason I didn't literally commit myself after my encounter was because I was with other people who saw it with me.
2A. I'm realizing now that this is going to be lengthy.
Feel free to trim whatever the fuck you want.
I can't help that I'm a goddamn ADHD hot mess.
My brain is a wild place to be. I felt that line within my bloodstream. to be.
I love this so much. I love how it's organized.
This is organized beautifully. I appreciate it.
2B, I'm getting ahead of myself, so let me get down, flip it, and reverse it.
All right, I love you. I just love you. Now we're to the...
And then number three, get on with it, bitch.
Heather. You get us. I love you, Heather.
My name is Heather, and I grew up in a tiny northern town in the sticks called Westmore... west westmoreland sorry i thought i thought it said ireland at the last of that i was like that's a northern town in the sticks called ireland westmore ireland i was like wow that's a place Westmoreland.
I know, sounds very not real. The population at the time of this story was somewhere around...
1,800 for perspective's sake. I could fit the entire town into my high school.
Wow. It was the summer of 2011. I was a junior in high school and had just gotten my driver's license.
The best. I spent that summer carting my friends around because a lot of them didn't drive slash didn't have a car yet.
There's always that one friend. It was always me.
I didn't get my license until after high school.
There's always the one friend that has the license and the car and is the one that has to drive everybody.
For the purpose of this story, let's call my best friend Kay and her little sister Bean.
That's legitimately what we called her. K, Bean, and myself lived a quarter mile down the road from each other and practically grew up together.
So I know for a fact that they are very sane and credible, both of whom were actually valedictorian of their classes at one point.
Making me the dumb one. Know thyself. I love you, Heather.
Heather's my favorite thing ever. So one hot night of said summer of 2011...
So, here we go. Broke rapscallions could do during the summer in a small town in the sticks.
Break into the private beach of the rich person lake in the next town over. we did i love it we did just that as we had many times before it was all business as usual and after our swim We watched the stars a bit before we headed back through the winding roads of Westmoreland.
Just as we were about to cross through the, quote, center of town, a small church and a smelly, creaky town hall and a beat-ass general store...
The ass general store. Oh, I love it. That's incredible.
Bumping something along the lines of Untouched by the Veronicas.
Do you remember that? I do. I feel so untouched.
There you go. In case you didn't remember.
I got a weird feeling in my gut and abruptly turned the volume down, but not off.
Kay Bean and I simultaneously looked out the window and saw two men standing outside their haphazardly parked car still as stone, looking at the sky.
I was doing maybe 10 miles an hour at this point and subconsciously pulling off the road. my eyes following their gaze.
All I could manage before I myself stepped out of the now parked car was very quiet.
Holy shit. At which point Kay and Bean followed the gaze of the standing strangers and slowly got out of the Jeep with me.
We all stood there, all five of us, in complete deafening silence, mouths agape, bodies still, as we... as the lake we had just crept out of, all looking the same unbelievable sight that was... I can't read.
Sorry. It's not just me. I'm also trying to look at this like to the side because I'm reading and putting my face in the microphone.
So I'm sorry. It's hard. Let me start that sentence again.
We all stood there, all five of us, in complete deafening silence, mouths agape.
Body still is the lake we had just crept out of, all looking at the same unbelievable sight before us.
I did it. I did it. First, I want to talk about the noise it made because it's unlike anything I've ever heard before.
The closest correlation I can make is after having lived through a hurricane.
I don't know if either one of you have experienced a hurricane, especially being from New England.
We did. We had Hurricane Bob. That was a big one.
They're a little more chilled. than like other people's hurricanes way more chill the only reason I have is because I lived in Nashville for three years But let me be the first to tell you it is terrifying.
A hurricane can usually be heard before it can be seen, and the sounds kind of like a low rumbling of a very heavy freight train, only much more ominous and with more of an almost growl.
I don't really know how to explain it...
I don't really know how to explain it well, but this quote unquote aircraft, if you will, sounded like a hurricane.
That's terrifying. Yeah, no, thank you. part, though, was that it was almost as if the sound was coming from inside my head and not the thing itself.
That part got to me so much. I was like, what?
I could feel the noise it was making. And it gave me fucking full ass body chills.
I'm honestly shocked I didn't shit myself on the spot.
I thought that before you even said it. For real.
I would have shite. Next, how it looked.
It was massive. Massive. bigger than any aircraft I've ever seen, and I have since worked in an airport walking next to the likes of 747s.
Also, massive things like that really stress me out.
Yeah, I think there's a word for that. I don't know it, but there is a word.
I think there is a phobia of that. I have that phobia because massive things like that will like send me into a panic.
Of giant things, which is crazy because I'm married to a six foot three man.
Yeah, but he's not like massive. It's called megalophobia.
Megalophobia. I have that. This thing could have leveled the entire center of town just by landing.
It was dark and still and terrifyingly low in the sky.
It almost looked as though it was resting on the steeple of the church.
Like I could reach out and touch it if I wanted.
Whether it was truly that low or it just emitted a mysterious pull... making me feel even closer to it than I actually was, I cannot say.
There were a View small and very discreet lights on it in an arrow triangle layout.
But due to how dark it was and the extreme lack of light pollution in my small-ass town, I couldn't see much more of it.
Why are there ridges on Risa's peanut butter cups?
Probably so they never slip from her hands.
Could you imagine? I'd lose it. Luckily, Reese's thought about that.
Wonder what else they think about. Probably chocolate and peanut butter.
The town of Agde in France is famous for sun, sand, sea and sex.
But lately, life on the coast has taken a strange turn.
The town's mayor, a respected pillar of the community, has been arrested for corruption.
His wife claims he's been bewitched by a beautiful clairvoyant.
Then there's the mysterious phone calls that local people have been getting.
I am the Archangel Michael. The whole town has been thrown into chaos.
As the mayor is unable to carry out his duties I would like to address you all Legal proceedings have been initiated Join me, Anna Richardson, and journalist Leo Schick for The Mystic and the Mayor as we investigate a story of power, corruption,
And magic. Binge all episodes of The Mystic and the Mayor exclusively and ad-free right now on Wondery+.
Start your free trial in Apple Podcasts Spotify or the Wondery app It hovered over all of us for what felt like over an hour, none of us saying anything.
Finally, it retreated. Slowly at first.
And then with such shocking speed, I thought it would rip a hole in the night sky. what isn't that terrifying beautiful and terrifying way of putting that heather's a great writer i thought it would rip a hole in the night sky Oh my God.
Wow. That's like, um, what's that movie with, um, I hate him.
Uh, Wow. Annie, what's that movie? The movie that the Avalon reminds you of?
I just don't know guys. I just don't know.
The Jim Carrey movie? That Jim Carrey movie.
The Avalon. They're talking and they don't know.
They just don't know. The Truman Show. She reminds me of the Truman Show.
I'm so sorry. I was like, I'm very confused.
I hate Jim Carrey. You hate Jim Carrey? Yes.
Why? I don't know all of his. I just get angry at him.
Guys, I'm just learning this. All of his roles.
I'm just like, oh, shut the fuck up. Like you're too much.
Wow. He also went crazy in real life. I mean, I disagree, but okay, we're going to go with it.
Okay. It flew straight back away from us, darted to the left a few hundred feet, and then shot straight up in van. without a trace.
Just as it had appeared to us, it was gone.
If all this wasn't enough, the rest of the ride home was the most uncomfy I've ever been in my life.
And I've been through some shit. K. Bean and myself got back into the car at half speed, eyes wide and unblinking.
None of us said a single fucking word to each other for the rest of the night.
Not even when I dropped them off. We sat in bone-chilling silence with some sort of telepathic agreement that there were no words that could possibly describe what had just happened.
Just picture three terrified teens staring straight ahead, throats dry with fear.
Sitting in utter silence, not even glancing at each other.
It's like a movie to put some icing on that spoopy ass cake.
Remember how I said I had turned the Veronica's down but not off? while the stereo was completely off and none of the gauges on my dash were working.
My gas needle read empty. The needles on my speedometer and RPMs were at zero.
And for years after that night, until I finally got rid of Jenny the Jeep, rest in pieces, BBG.
My dash would randomly fail. All needles would fail.
All gauges would malfunction. I took it to the town mechanic and he could not figure out where the electrical disconnect was or find anything wrong with it.
So there's my weird story. I'm just so glad none of us were anally probed.
You just got probed! The three of us never really talked about it.
I think we all felt a little nutso, but in my humble opinion, I think anyone who believes we are the only beings in this entire fucking universe are dumb and narcissistic i totally agree i agree Sorry that turned into a novel.
Like I said, my brain is wild and my ramblings aplenty.
Thank you for reading this and thank you both for being such lovely and beautiful humans.
Aw, thanks. Y'all make my days a lot easier and brighter with your fucked up murder stories and dark humor. i hope to make it to a live show someday if the world doesn't end soon fuck 2020 much love and support heather heather Heather, you should take up a career in writing, by the way.
Yeah, you are an incredible writer. That...
I pictured that entire thing in my head the entire time.
I believe you, too. Oh, I believe you. I believe in UFO sightings for sure.
Totally believe you. And also it makes sense because in a lot of UFO sightings, There's like mechanical and like electrical malfunctions that happen afterwards.
I think that happened, Heather, and I believe you, and I'll take the stand for you.
And also when I get in my car after this, I'm 100% listening to the Veronica's.
There you go. And also, Heather, let's be friends.
We're already friends. We're friends. Heather.
My listener, Tori, listener, Tori, it's wow. we've we've had two weeks of very intense stories so I think these like nice fun ones are like really tripping us up yeah whenever he say intense all i can think of is uncle tim intense high fashion intense high fashion at the boom boom room okay anyways listener story what the fuck is that smell What's up, cunts?
Oh, I already love you. It's short and sweet, but it's incredible.
I love you. Hello from the hot, moist North Queensland, Australia.
Ah, that's why. That's why they so freely said, what up, cunts?
Yeah, see, people say cunts in other places.
Don't yell at me. No matter what somebody says.
You're wrong. First of all, love your shit and shenanigans.
Been binging hardcore the past few months.
Splendor's Highway. way. Cool. I did the episode on that.
On the Flinders highway cool special hey girl hey to ash from a hairstylist to hairstylist love that yes Okay, gush over.
Rewind to when I was a wee apprentice. I'm not going to say how long ago.
I refused to grow up. I feel that. I was living in a small open plan townhouse by my lonesome.
You can imagine how dodged this place was as I could afford it barely on an apprentice wage.
And let me personally tell you, an apprentice wage is not a lot and you're not doing any hair.
You're just washing rocks. That's a good story for later.
That's a true thing. Anywho, it was like number seven of 12 in a row right in the middle.
Ew, neighbors. Remember how I said hot, moist North Queensland?
Yeah, I definitely remember that. I'll never forget it.
One fine morning, I'm getting ready to go to work.
And when I find or when I get out of the front slash only door, I get hit. with a rotting carcass smell.
Now I know rotting animals smell, I'm from a small country town.
This was not it. But it was close-ish and kind of faint, just wafting along as the wind changed directions.
Ugh! I just pictured this like green air just wafting through.
Honestly. I basically live in a dorm now, so I feel like that's what I smell all the time.
My first thought was, for fuck's sake, didn't no one ever tell them not to put your meat in the bin until bin day?
Don't leave that shit festering, ya nasty.
Ya nasty. That reminds me of that, so Raven.
Yes. Yeah. Always assume that. Everybody always has a nasty ass neighbor.
Now fast forward two and a half weeks and the smell had just been getting worse and more intense.
Oh, someone's routing somewhere. 100%. Yeah.
And it says, but only when the wind was going a certain direction.
Now see, if this happened now, I would have been on the phone calling the police, but I was young and dumb, and I was just annoyed now, because clearly...
Someone keeps missing bin day and leaving gross shit in the bins.
Nasty people. That's clearly what's happening.
Anyway, after a particularly long day at work, I drive into the parking lot and see two police cars and a crime scene crew in the lot.
And there is a dead person in there. Trigger warning.
My neighbor in nine, like two doors down, was an elderly gentleman...
Whomst I didn't see often, but knew existed.
That's what most neighbors are. I don't see them or talk to them.
All of my neighbors. Yes. Apparently, the poor gent suffered severe diabetes.
He passed away. and no one had known until someone had done a welfare check because apparently he had no fam in town.
He had passed peacefully on his bed with the window slightly open.
So that's why we got lofts every so often.
Well, they had to clean that up, didn't they?
They opened the unit and started hauling shit out.
I noped the fuck out to a friend's... Ooh, and that'll stay.
It is burned in my nostrils forever now, and I will never forget that smell.
It's also something that haunted me. The idea that I die and no one would find me.
Oh, that really is scary. It's very sad.
We did! we thoroughly enjoyed it so please keep sending yes love your work gals keep it up keep it weird as fuck P.S.
And come to Australia one day when the world has done ending and shit.
Cheers, Adam Crow. Oh my goodness, Adam.
I just love when people have smelled a dead body and like not realized it until the dead body is found.
And then they're like, oh. And he was right, too, by saying that is going to be burned in your nostrils forever because...
I still will like, especially like days after I come out of the morgue.
Like I'll be like drinking something and I'm like, why does this smell like dead person?
Like it just sticks in your nose and it randomly just shows itself every now and then.
A lot of times we record when Elena gets home from work and I'm always like, did you wash the smell of the dead off of you yet?
Because I'm not coming over until you've showered.
And I'm like, nope, I came right from there.
Hands all nasty. Brain splatter on my shirt.
Touching shit. No, I take a shower. I take a shower everybody don't worry.
She's a liar. Mainly because of COVID. Yes. but definitely for that too.
This next one is incredible. FYI. I'm ready for this.
Let me just get in a better position. Okay. it's called he shit himself and then she nearly shit herself A listener tale.
And that's why I picked it because I love poop jokes.
I'm pretty excited. Ladies. First off, let me tell you that your podcast is unreal and the absolute crake.
What is craic? I think like shit. All right, that's a cool word.
I'm gonna look it up. C-R-A-I-C. Craic? Craic?
Oh, I think it's crike. Crike sounds better.
I'm going to say crike. You guys are legends, totally hilarious, and I'm addicted to your shit for reals.
You are the best. Do you want me to break in?
Yeah. I think it's crack according to, according to Wikipedia.
The absolute crack. Okay. A term for news, gossip, fun, entertainment, and enjoyable conversation, particularly permanent in Ireland.
I love that. Thanks. Yeah, it's crack. All right.
I need COVID to be over so you guys can make this thing international and come to Ireland explore some of our creepy shit you have no idea how much I want to do that honestly same I want to do that because we're both irish yes and john and i have been talking about doing a heritage trip forever And I just do everything that John and Elena do because they can't get rid of me.
Exactly. And we want to go to Ireland, Scotland and Norway.
And I'll be in the back seat. So I want to do it.
My name is Janice. Janice hi I'm from Dublin and I'm here to tell you the story of my friend and the murderer who pooped himself I already love this The story takes place in 2012 when I got married.
My good friend. is a beautician and is living her best life working in a laser therapy clinic in Dublin city center.
She's new to the laser game and is still in training, so she's mostly working on pits and bits.
The most incredible description ever. Pits and bits.
It's mostly women coming into the place, and in her spare time, she's lasering herself to within an inch of her life.
What's smoother than being smooth? This bitch's whole body from the brows down.
That's what. Like yes. That's phenomenal.
So one day, this middle-aged man walks in for a consultation.
Normal looking Irishman. Nothing noteworthy about him.
He's obviously seen my buddy's arms and his envy.
Yeah. He wants to be silky smooth too. The guy wants it all off.
Facial hair and all his body hair. i believe he just wanted the hair on his head left but i can't quite remember it this would make me a little concerned yeah immediately like maybe this is just my very tainted mind that i would be like what crime are you gonna commit that you don't want to leave any dna i think it's from having a mind because i there's um isn't it called being like metro when you don't like any body body hair Oh, yeah.
I mean, several men don't like, you know, any body hair and that's totally fine.
My tainted mind would immediately be like, you're going to murder someone.
My dumb ass would be like, he's a swimmer.
He's a swimmer. No, you're probably right.
So he just wanted the hair. I believe he just wanted the hair on his head left, but I can't quite remember if they agreed to do the giblets for him or not.
They quote him for the job. It's going to take six or eight sessions over a number of months.
I can't remember the price, but it was a few bob.
Over a thousand euros anyway. Guy agrees to it and pays up front.
Which is also sketchy. Yeah, I'm concerned.
They send him home to shave himself from head to toe and is scheduled to come back the following day.
So in he comes. It's a big job, so an experienced therapist takes the lead.
My friend is training. She's just hanging about.
He's in there for a couple of hours. It's grueling, and between the jigs and the reels, the guy lets one slip, but... but follows through and poops on the towel.
So, like, lets a fart slip. But he actually sharts.
Oh my God. Therapist is a pro though and gets the job done.
Wow. What a legend. That's like when you poop on the table and you have a baby.
Yeah, they just are. Wow. Just like those people are legends. he's gone and she tells the other therapist what happened they agree that maybe for his next session they will split it over two days Still, it's funny as fuck and my friend tells us about it and we laugh, telling her she has to do him next time and generally ripping the piss.
Cause I think it's really painful. So like, I think that's why they were like, let's break it down.
So he doesn't. Oh, absolutely. For sure.
Also, I love ripping the piss. Yes. I'm telling you.
Ireland has the best sling. Man. You guys are killing it.
It's like you guys, Australia, like just Europe has some of the best.
Everywhere but America is so awesome. No, we're constantly doing that.
We love America. Totally. But like you guys just have awesome slang.
Yeah. Phrases. Blast forward a few weeks.
The guy is due back in but never shows. It's weird.
He's already paid in full. They can't get in contact, so they just wait.
So a few days later, my friend is visiting her aunt.
There's a newspaper on the table, and in big headlines, beware murderer changes appearance.
Uh-oh. that wasn't her that was me girlfriend is shook it's captain poopy pants Splattered all over the front of the newspaper and an article that says he was released from prison, but the judge thinks he can't be refuted. reformed that's good why was he released this kind of depravity doesn't go away and people especially women need to beware He's changing how he looks so he won't be recognized as the piece of shit who murdered his partner, chopped her up, dumped her body in a ditch, didn't get caught, and went on to do the same to another woman within a few months.
Holy shit. Isn't that bananas? His name is Michael Bram-
Bambrick. He is a piece of shit, much like the stain he left on that towel.
And to add insult to injury, he's living in the same Dublin suburb as us.
You can read the article here or Google him to read more about the actual crimes.
Ah, See, so your feeling would have been right.
It's good that we have tainted minds. I'm really glad that I have a tainted mind.
Because you would have been like, he's a swimmer.
Needless to say, my friend showed the paper to her colleagues, but he never showed up there again or looked for a refund.
Roll on a few months and he's out buying a Valentine's card in a local supermarket and who does she see?
Poor bitch nearly did a Michael Bambrick and clean shit herself in the aisle.
She peaced the fuck out of there ASAP, Rocky.
Fucking murderers hanging around the vegetable aisles and shit.
Probably looking for adult nappies, diapers or something.
Anyway. That's the story of the time my mate came into contact with a double murderer who couldn't control his bowels.
Feel free to edit this, especially if my Irishisms don't make sense.
No, they do. They make perfect sense. They enhance it.
Also, shout out to my friend Lorna, who proofread this for me.
She's a listener too, and remember to keep it weird. but not so weird that you help a convicted murderer change his appearance and reduce the possibility of him leaving trace evidence at his next crime scene.
Thanks and bye! incredible holy shit janice killed it janice has a gift Janice.
Oh, these are great, aren't they? I love this and I love Irishisms.
I love them so much. We have another Aussie. love it listener tale of a spooky asshole weirdos absolutely love your podcast and never thought i'd get into true crime but after listening to your podcast i'm addicted My name's Chloe.
Am I? Coley. My name's Chloe. I'm a 19 year old Aussie with a lot of stories.
And yes, I'm happy for you to use my name in your podcast.
Thank you, Chloe. I'm going to apologize now for the length, but I'll jump right in.
Never apologize. It's not even that long, girl.
It's okay. Don't do it. I live in Perth, Western Australia in an area named...
Mundajong? Mundajong. Mundajong. I like it.
I have a few stories from this area, like the ghost horse that lives in the stables.
But anyway... This is the one that really spooked me.
I want to hear about the ghost horse. I want to hear about it all.
I worked night shifts as a stripper in the city and one night I had finished early around one o'clock.
Went straight to Macca's and got myself a big ass burger and ate that shit so quickly while driving down some dark back street roads to go home.
Hell yeah. One o'clock burger is the best kind of burger.
Oh, the best. No better burger in town. Here in Australia we have some random ass wildlife jumping out of our cars, out in front of our cars.
Kangaroos, rabbits, sometimes a cow. Oh my God.
Kangaroos always blow my brain apart. You know what sucks?
I guess kangaroos are like dicks. Like they're not nice.
And like, I want them to be nice. I want them to be nice.
Yeah. They're dicks. Like a kangaroo just jumping out in front of your car.
I know that's wild, but I feel like the thought of a cow in the middle of the street is even crazy.
A cow is weird, but that could happen around here. yeah that could happen like a kangaroo just bouncing around out there that stresses me out it's fucked up like those jacked kangaroos that's really scary yeah and they can fuck up your car real bad.
Hashtag Australia. Mostly people around my area have four-wheel drives.
Land cruisers and patrols with big bull bars.
Me? I have a shitbox Holden Barina that I have crashed into a million things that I have no idea how is still running. definitely not ideal to have in this kind of area i'm worried for you honestly Anyways, while I was driving on a road called Karagich, I think.
Karagich. Look at you, bitch. There's an extremely bright light, obviously a car coming from behind me.
I remember thinking, Fucking turn your high beams off, you dickhead.
While I shoved the extra nuggets I had bought earlier in my face.
I was a hungry woman. I feel you. I always get a burger and nuggets.
Yeah, you can't decide. No. What kind of choice is that?
It's Sophie's choice is what it is. That's exactly what it is.
It's like get the nuggets and the burger.
Yeah. You're going to be hungry. Always.
The car got closer and suddenly too close for comfort.
The car's high beams literally lit up my entire car, me feeling mildly uncomfortable, I decided to press the accelerator and speed up to turn off so this idiot could pass me.
I turn off onto a road called Bishop that is classified as an open road, which means there's no speed limit. whoa i want to live in australia have those like i wish we had that so cool the best we get is like a 50
After turning down this road, I realized that the tailgating sandy wet lettuce was coming down the same road.
After returning randomly down a few streets, I was sure I was being followed, and I was only a short distance from home, But I didn't want to leave this asshole anywhere near my home.
So I took random streets trying to lose this dickwad.
Dickward. Even Dick Ward, even driving past my house twice.
Good for you, though. That's smart. That's very smart.
Absolutely panicking. I was trying to call my best friend Cherie.
Yes, you can use her name. But this was all happening at three o'clock in the morning.
Oh no, the devil's hour. So she was still asleep.
No help there. Cherie. I was driving like a mad woman trying to lose this piece of shit. that I thought had some ridiculous amount of road rage.
The car was a huge four-wheel drive ute.
Ute? Ute. Ute. with the biggest bull bar I have ever seen.
And I live in Australia where we have some big bull bars because we also have a lot of kangaroos With a death wish, now those fuckers can get huge.
Oh, I'm so terrified, Australia. I know.
So clearly, I was also very intimidated as this big-ass car...
Uh, at this big ass car as it could just crush my little pathetic excuse of a car.
I spent the next 20 minutes trying to lose this car.
Random back streets all through, say the word again.
Mondajong. Yes. Now, when I say this car was tailgating, I mean the bull bar was inches away from my car.
So I was indeed panicking. I'm panicking for you because I'm just thinking about this.
Also, I love indeed panicking. Indeed panicking.
I thought I'm probably going to die tonight.
At least I got a good feed though. I fucking love you.
I turned back on Bishop Road and absolutely floored it.
Some fast and furious shit was about to happen, I swear.
Yes. As I turned back onto my street, I looked into my rearview mirror to see the car stopped in the middle of Bishop Road, headlights still beaming, and literally... just vanished.
What? Like, what the fuck? I suddenly got the biggest wave of relief.
I looked back at the road and turned the corner only to see a ute slammed into a ditch completely fucked up with all the lights off. still on and airbags deployed.
I immediately was like, no, thanks. I choose life.
As I've listened to this podcast for a while and I know that when you try to help someone, you could get murdered.
Sure do. Good for you. Right? So I was not getting out of the car or stopping, but yeah.
So I just started immediately crying because I was fucking scared and I didn't know what else to do.
This car was in the ditch the last few times I drove.
This street was a definite spooky, spooky.
I went straight home and called the cops and let them know about the huge ute in the ditch on the side of the road.
The next morning, I told the girls down at the stables while making horse feeds up about the spooky car and the car in the ditch.
And Cherie goes, I'm pretty sure there's a disappearing car on that road.
Oh, thanks, Cherie. Thanks so much, best friend.
I still go down this road to this day, just never at three o'clock.
So yes, that's the time i thought i was going to get my car crushed by a road raging asshole whose car vanished before my eyeballs then a similar car was then crashed into a ditch Keep it weird, but not so weird that... P.S.
Please come to Australia for a live show.
XXX. Holy shit. I love disappearing car stories. and then for it to be in a ditch right afterwards i know like fuck that that's terrifying Very terrifying.
That's terrifying. Terrifying. That's real terrifying.
And I just love hearing about Australian things.
Exactly. We just love you. I can't tell you enough. wow so that was scary very scary all right let's do this Other one that I just lost.
Okay. It's called Furbies are Satan's spawn and no one can convince me otherwise.
I agree. I agree so hard. I love it. And this person, this is pretty cool.
This person attached it in a PDF file. people do that it's easier to read for some reason all right it says hello good ladies of the world weirdo world i love that that's a good good ladies uh my name is senen and i just got that's a really cool name it is very cool senen And I discovered your podcast in February and had binge listened to it every day at work.
You two are amazing. Ash, I don't think I have ever heard of anyone who sings their way through awkward situations, so I appreciate that I am not the only one.
Elena, I hope to Jebus, I spelled that correctly.
And you did. You did. You are a badass mother.
Thank you. Literally and figuratively. I love the silliness that you two bring to this rather poopy subject. and the fact that you make weirdos like me feel normal for walking past a creek and wondering if one day I'm going to happen upon a body one day ladies one day Any hoosers, on to the tale.
I am the youngest of seven siblings, and even though four of them are step-siblings...
I still suffered the same sibling funsies as I did with my blood siblings.
Oh, we know about that. Oh I know all about that.
We all know about that. One year when I was about six or seven my parents thought it was a good idea to bring a diamond into our household for each of us kids.
They presented us with pink and purple spotted Furby.
At the time, this seemed harmless, but I assure you, it sure as fuck was not.
I thought it was so high tech to have this animatronic toy to play with that interacted with you.
Alas, the fun times I had with it would not last because if you are a sibling letting your younger sister Have a fun time minding her own damn business is completely unacceptable.
One night, my sister and brother took my Furby and meticulously removed the fur... skin to reveal a scary ass terminator oh my god A scary ass Terminator on crack looking motherfucker.
Holy shit. Have you ever seen a Fergie without its skin?
It literally is a Terminator. That's exactly what it is.
Holy shit. They then put this beast in front of my door at 2.30 in the morning.
With impeccable backlighting. And turned it on.
I was ripped from my peaceful unconsciousness to...
Burby! laughter I fucking hate Furbies.
I doth noped the floop out of my bed while simultaneously creating a rhythmic gymnastics pee ribbon.
Arrhythmic gymnastic pee ribbon. out of sheer terror naturally this brought immense delight to the jack wagon hosiers i happen to share dna with I'm screaming.
This would bring delight to me. Yeah, we know.
No, this is where it gets spooky to the max.
And hopefully it warrants a need to grasp your butts for safety.
But you can be the judges. I appreciate that.
After this unfortunate display of fear comedy, that is a thing now.
I just made it up. I looked into that. I looked that spawn of Satan's text.
Oh, sorry. I locked that spawn of Satan's text testicles in a box. sounds batteries, and shoved it far under my bed.
Several nights went by, and I slept soundly, dreaming of living in a world where Jurassic Park number two happened. i.e. when the Tansy Rex made it to the mainland and eats everyone's doggos.
What a dick. When I hear a crackly sound from the unknown location in my room.
At first, I thought this was my doucher siblings, but there was no answer.
Hoping it was nothing, I closed my eyes again and pulled my anti-boogieman blanket closer to myself.
Again, I heard this crackly sound, but this time I heard the word Furby faintly spill out from under my bed.
Immediately, I jumped off my bed, blanket still in tow, and looked under to see if the box had been moved.
It had not been touched. I reached for the box to check if it was just my imagination, and yet again, resounding, clear as fucking day voice said, Burby!
I yanked my arms so hard back into my body and yeeted myself out into the hallway while breaking the light at the base of it.
And that's where I remained until seven when my dad came downstairs to get us for school.
I just picture her just like sleeping in the hallway, but like not sleeping.
Just like sitting up in the hallway. Right, until seven in the morning.
After school that day, I came home, put that diamond box, still locked, to Or wherever Furbies originate.
Needless to say, my dad was quite concerned as to why his six or seven year old was burning a box containing a Furby on a random day after school.
All he needed to know was the house was now safe from a daemon that would definitely suck our souls out like a fucking Capri Sun.
So that was my listener tale. I hope it was spoopy enough to have the opportunity to be read on an episode.
Thank you so much for reading and hope you forever keep it weird.
But not so weird that you do rhythmic gymnastics with pee and have to sacrifice your toy back to Satan because your brothers and sisters wanted to take the skin off and then have to explain to your dad that you just saved his souls from a see you next tuesday hoe that was hiding under your bed bye I love suck our souls out like a fucking Capri Sun because that also just explains the time of Furby so perfectly.
It truly does. Furbies like Capri Sun was my childhood and I kept forgetting because I was like oh I was like oh it just turned on And then I was like, wait, he took the batteries out.
Right. Exactly. That's why it's so scary.
Holy shit. Man. I once lived with this lady who had Furbies like along the top of her like china cabinet and so and it was like up high so they would all just be like staring down at you so I've developed a deep hatred for furbies hate that because they're not cute no they're like i've never wanted a furby in my life no I think I did not.
I never wanted a Furby. No. And I never had one.
No. So I ain't about the Furby life. No way.
I don't want that happening to me. Those were all incredible.
Those were delightful. Delightful. Lighthearted and wonderful.
And I'm glad we had these they needed to be light-hearted this time because yeah some light-hearted silly ones which we appreciate Well, as always, you can check us out on Instagram at Morbid Podcast.
You can hit us up on Twitter. A Morbid Podcast.
You could send us a Gmail with your listener tale.
Morbidpodcast at gmail.com and label it listener tale.
Bye. Bye. Bye. And go check out all the shows that we mentioned in the beginning of the show that are now on Morbid Network.
Yippee. We hope you keep listening. And we hope you keep it weird.
But not so weird that you're driving down an Australian road at night and there's a disappearing car.
Not so weird that you're going to sleep at night and they're like... just under your bed being like, hey girl, what's up?
And not so weird that what else happened to Lena?
Hit me up, hit me up, hit me up. A hairless murderer.
That's weird that there's a hairless murderer just sharting on your tablecloth.
Because you don't want shard everywhere on your laser table.
That would be so horrible and not so weird that you walk outside and you're like, oh, it's not bin day today and you just smell a dead man and not so weird.
Did you do a UFO? The UFO is flying over your head.
Don't keep it that weird. Don't keep it that weird.
Love you so much. Bye. Thank you. If you like Morbid, you can listen early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wondery.com slash survey.
