Hey weirdos, before we dive into today's twisted tale, let me tell you about a place where the darkness never ends.
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I have been listening to the Martha's Vineyard Beach and Book Club, which actually Elena recommended to me.
She did not listen to it but she said girl this title sounds so you and let me tell you it did.
I've been listening to it while I walk and I am absolutely loving it.
I love all the different narrators. I love Audible.
There's more to imagine when you listen.
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Visit audible.com slash morbid. You know that person in your life who just can't stand mayo?
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Hey, weirdos. I'm Ash. And I'm Alayna. And I almost forgot the introduction to Morbid.
Thank you. Ash does that every single time.
I always say, hey weirdos, and then I wait for Alina to talk, but I'm supposed to say, I'm Ash.
Like, we're two years into this. Yeah. She's forgetful.
And almost 150 episodes and every time. I love it.
You're welcome. I saw it happening and I didn't do anything about it.
I love it. I know. Yeah. I smoked a lot of weed before my brain developed.
So that was a problem in my life. Well, you know, it's not a problem is we got a ton of listener tales that we're going to. bill all over you because it's a listener tales episode i have the tea and it's piping hot bitches it's true it's gonna be awesome we have some really funny ones and we haven't done a listener Tales episode in so long.
It's been a long time. Some people are like you guys do them too often and actually we just kept forgetting to do another listener episode.
It had nothing to do with the people that don't like them.
No, we were definitely not pandering to the people who don't like them because this is our show.
But we also just got into a groove of doing some collabs that kind of...
We wanted to make sure we were spreading those in with regular episodes so we didn't want to do some of the special episodes to take away. away from the regular episodes.
You know, we're just trying. We're trying.
That's our explanation. We're doing everything we can.
But now, we're back. And we don't have much business to get to before the episode. basically all we really have to say, some of our shows are still being rescheduled, but we just wanted to hold off on like reading all of the dates because not all of them are locked in yet.
So we'd rather just start. saying them when they're all locked in.
Yeah, so if you have a ticket for a show this year and you're not sure what's going on, Just hold off and we are going to let you know when all the new dates are.
We're assuming they're all going to be at the end of the year and possibly in the next year. hang on.
Definitely, you know, keep an eye out. We're going to be announcing things on social media, on our website, and we'll also announce them back on the podcast next week so uh yeah that's basically it well guess what i have what do you have a listen to tail you do listen to tail get your listen to tails here I'm ready.
This one is called Why I Don't Go Camping Anymore, A Story of Australian Country Town Nightmare Fuel.
I love all of that, because one, I don't go camping.
And two, I love Australia. Yeah, I don't go camping.
Annie, who's here with me currently, just like sitting here watching me.
I like her. She likes to go camping and her family likes to go camping and it's like a little bit of a joke in the family that I don't really like to camp. that ash goes glamping you know in the parent trap what's her fucking name meredith meredith i'm meredith but oh you are you are meredith camping All right.
Well, this one says, hi, you wonderful ladies.
I am a huge true crime pod fan. i am a huge my contacts got dry i just turned into a computer She's turned into the like voice transcription service.
I'm sorry. alexa all right i am a huge true crime pod fan and i was so happy to find you Before my last long haul flight, my girlfriend Hannah and I live in Australia, but I'm from New York, so we visit my family there.
I downloaded like a million episodes of Morbs for the plane and I was in love.
Yay. I love when people say Morbs. I do too.
Got the Morbs. Got the Morbs. Yeah. Oh, my God.
My name is Dani, and this is the story of why I don't go camping anymore, because my girlfriend and I almost got murdered, I think.
Oh boy, Dani. Gut instincts are so important and now I know that more than ever.
I've tried to tell this story to friends and family, but I can never express how terrified we were. for our lives in this moment and what it felt like to have that horrible gut feeling.
Anyway, here we go. I'm ready, Dani. My partner Hannah and I were going on a two-week long road trip in the middle to, sorry, to middle Australia in October 2019. well the whole house was shook did y'all hear that the house just literally was like dumb All right.
That was John leaving the house, but that was him leaving the house in a very normal way.
He's fucking pissed. But every time he walks out the back door, for some reason that door makes the entire house shake.
Well, you have an old house. So whenever we record and he walks outside to walk my dog, it's always like, like the whole house.
Yeah, that was earth shattering. Wow. Okay.
La-di-da-di-doo. I was having... Okay, so they're going on the last road trip to middle Australia. in October because then they were going to go back to New York in November.
That sounds awesome. I disagree. I love you guys so much and I hope you had a great road trip, but fuck a road trip.
But like Australia and New York, there's all kinds of good things happening.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Love it. So, I was having massive visa immigration problems and was maybe saying goodbye to the before potentially being back in new york for a long ass time oh no one last aussie trip for a We decided to have one huge road trip before we left to enjoy the Red Australian Outback.
We packed the car full of food and supplies, strapped our tent and camping mat to the roof of Hans Subaru Forester because we are basic lesbian bitches and headed off to get Ivan Miladid.
New verb. That's actually really funny because Annie and I were talking about how Annie's next car is going to be a Subaru and Annie also works at a Subaru dealership.
Lesbians. I love it. I love it. Lean in.
And Ivan Miladid is a great person. Ivan Miladid is great and terrifying all at the same time.
Oh, to get Ivan Miladid. We live in Melbourne.
You got pros. You got Ivan Miladid. That's terrible.
Yeah, that's actually real fucked up. Sorry.
We live in Melbourne and we were driving to, I'm going to say this wrong, but Australian people are nice and they don't yell at me.
Uluru? Uluru. I like it. Uluru. Uluru. Which is about... But you're right.
Australian people would just be like... You guys are funny.
They're like, you fucking idiot, but I still love you.
I don't know why I made them southern. They'll even forgive you for giving them an American Southern accent.
You're just dumb. La-di-da-do. Uluru is about 1,500 miles away.
Everybody stop laughing at me. Annie and Elena are just fucking laughing at me.
Sorry, it's one of those days, guys. It's a perfect listener stories day.
It is. Most of the drive is on the Stuart Highway where there is nothing but red dirt and dead kangaroos.
That's really sad? What the fuck? Why are you laughing at that, Annie?
Because it's just red dirt, dead kangaroos.
Like, shoot. That's all you got to look at.
Yikes. That's all you got to offer? Damn.
It's about 95 to 105 degrees Fahrenheit during the day where we were.
So we drove for most of the day in the air-conditioned car and found the least fucked up spot on the side of the highway to camp for the night.
By fucked up, I mean loads of truck tire tracks, rubbish, and anywhere that looked like a local hangout.
These roads are fucking spooky. They're dead quiet except rustling in the bushes and the occasional car on the road.
Hannah's much more adventurous than me and I made a rule that we had to camp in a designated camping area along the highway. or there was at least one car or another camper.
This made us feel safe knowing there was a family or other people on their way to Uluru be around because there's zero cell service fuck that oh this sounds like the hitcher This is why I'm not, yeah, it does sound like that.
Like that family that he kills? That's the worst.
That's why I'm not into road trips or camping or where there's not cell phones.
Because of the hitcher. You need a satellite radio if you want to communicate with anyone.
How would you even communicate with anybody?
I'm thinking like Sirius XM. No, that's not what she's talking about.
What's a satellite radio? Like a walkie-talkie.
Like a two-way. Oh. Okay. Yes, you need serious exercise.
No, when I was reading this, I was like...
So, like, you feel like you have company?
Yeah, you just gotta throw on Old Nation or Lithium and you gotta talk to them.
Two great stations. Yeah. Or Tom Huddy Radio.
Lottie doo doo, two-way radios. Lottie doo doo.
It's me trying to find my place when I lose it.
I love it. To put it into perspective, how isolated these roads are, you must stop at every single gas station you pass and carry extra gas with you just in case.
If your car breaks down, you're fucked. No one's coming to save you.
We passed so many abandoned cars on the road that have probably been there for 30 years.
Why did you want to go to this place? So la la la, it says in here. we're on the trip we make it to aluru unharmed but we really needed a goddamn shower all good We stayed in the Alluru campsite and packed up to go home.
Now, our mistake was that we got too confident.
We had no issues with people, no car troubles, and everything was great.
On our way back to Melbourne, we decided to fuck the schedule we made and just find campsites as we went.
We drove longer into sunset. It should be known that these roads should never be driven at night.
You will hit a roo and fuck up your car and yourself."
You'll hit a roo. I don't want to hit a roo.
That's not Australian. It's not. Fuck. Am I alright?
Nah. Nah. You not good, sis. We finally hit the Murray River, which is the river that borders the state of New South Wales and Victoria, where we live.
We drove until about 6 p.m. where we realized we really pushed it and needed to find camp ASAP.
We found a campground on the Victorian side of the Murray River.
We could throw a stone and it would land in New South Wales.
We could also see a town right across the river called Toolybuck.
Oh, I love that. The devil's fucking town.
Oh, I don't love that. We later started calling this town Titty Bop for...
And she wrote, for lols. That gives the lols.
For lols. So I would call it titty bop. We had a couple more hours of light.
Can we name this episode Titty Bop? Yes, we can.
We had a couple more hours of light, so we made a fire, cooked some dinner, and talked about how...
We'd probably spend two more nights on the road.
Spoiler alert, this is the last night where we spend on the road.
This campsite seemed so safe at first. There were people fishing and lights of a town of titty bop.
I threw that in. Titty bop. exactly love it There was no one else camping here, though, which was one of those, which was one of my campsite break, deal breakers.
I'm fine. But I let it slide because we were so close to titty bop.
There was. I can't stop me even saying titty bop.
There was one way in and one way out of this campsite.
Spooky. The whole time we were around a fire and kept hearing lots of rustling and noise and overall feelings of being watched.
We really thought that this was because we had spent eight days in the most isolated parts of the country that were... that we were just getting used to it again.
We were both so on edge as the sun set, but we didn't really talk about it because it was getting too late to find a new campsite.
The sun went down at about 10 p.m. and we went into our tent.
We started having sex. I don't know if that's TMI, but I think it maybe had something to do with the suspense or lols, but facts.
You know, just straight up. We were in the tent half naked when all of a sudden a big ass dark blue Jeep turns the down the campsite road and drives past our tent.
Nope. It's probably just a farmer leaving the pub and going home for night.
It's not... It's probably just someone camping late.
Nope. I'm sure they will just drive down a dirt track onto one of the paddocks.
They absolutely won't. Maybe they're lost.
Nah. No. No, no, no, no, no. No way. Finally, we just took out our phones.
No, finally we took out our phones. with spotty cell service as we checked Google Maps and saw that there were no dirt roads or any roads that went out of the campsite.
I literally feel my heart racing as I'm typing this out.
Fuck me. The town of Agde in France is famous for sun, sand, sea and sex.
But lately, life on the coast has taken a strange turn.
The town's mayor, a respected pillar of the community, has been arrested for corruption.
His wife claims he's been bewitched by a beautiful clairvoyant.
Then there's the mysterious phone calls that local people have been getting.
The whole town has been thrown into chaos.
As the mayor is unable to carry out his duties, I would like to address you all.
Legal proceedings have been initiated. Join me, Anna Richardson, and journalist Leo Schick for The Mystic and the Mayor as we investigate a story of power, corruption, and magic.
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Neither of us knew we would be able to sleep, so I grabbed the hatchet and we got into our Subie Forester and went to see where this Jeep went.
This is about 25 minutes after the car showed up.
Hannah was driving because, girl, I'm from New York and driving on the opposite side of the road is scary enough during the day on a paved road.
Oh, I didn't even think of that. Yeah, fuck that.
That's crazy. I would, I can't imagine driving on the opposite side of the road.
I was just looking for a tent so that we could tell ourselves it was just somebody camping.
Han was looking for roos and wombats, and I'm looking for a scary jeep.
We got to the very end of the dirt road, dead end, and our headlights barely caught the reflection of the Jeep.
This motherfucking Jeep was parked turned around down an embankment covered with leaves. there were no lights on in the car no tent no people near the car the gut feeling got so much worse We knew some shit was up.
No glow from a cell phone or a car light, just pitch black.
Hannah turned the car around so fast. The whole time we were saying maybe it's just this guy smoking weed or maybe he hired a sex worker or something.
But, nah, that was a bad feeling. So, as soon as we got back to the campsite, we didn't speak to each other, just packed up the camp in about five minutes.
We shittily tied our mat. Shittily. Shittily.
I love that. Shittily tied our mat and tent to the roof and got into the car to drive over the bridge to Tidabop.
About one minute away. We parked across from the pub where the truckers were sleeping in their trucks and someone was closing the pub for the night.
We untied the tent and mat off the roof and retied it so we could actually get the fuck out of titty bop without our shelter flying away.
We were straight terrified. It's 11 p.m. and we have nowhere to go, but we knew we needed to go.
As Hannah's tying the tent back onto the roof as fast as possible, and I'm Googling, Google mapping 24-hour hotels.
The fucking Jeep man drives over the titty bop bridge and turns right in front of us.
I start whispering. It's Joyride. It is Joyride.
Oh, I can't wait to watch that later. I started whispering. whisper yelling to Han that he's here, he's going to get us, and we have to go now.
And I just gripped that goddamn hatchet so tight I wished it was an axe.
This motherfucker slows down as he's driving past us and his window is rolled down and rolled down his window.
Sorry. And he made eye contact with me and then made a left hand turn into the motel.
I'll never forget this stupid ass ginger beard and green eyes.
We jumped in Subi so fast and got back on the highway.
I have never experienced adrenaline like that in my life.
We did hit a roof shortly after. Sad face.
For the next two hours, Han stopped at a motel.
I got out. We tried to get a room until we found one in Swan Hill about 40 minutes from...
We barricaded ourselves into the room, shaking and nearly crying.
Didn't sleep. We were so scared. He followed us and... would see our car out at the front of the hotel.
We went home the next morning and have been too terrified to camp ever since.
We went back on Labor Day weekend, but there was about 900 people on the campground for one night because fuck being alone.
I hate myself for saying this, but it made me realize being too early 20 somethings with no man around made us targets.
I don't know. I don't know. Maybe that's not true, but I can't even explain the fear.
Hannah and I didn't speak of it for a few days.
Then we came up with these explanations.
We think he parked on the embankment and hid the car on purpose and he was staying at the motel where he obviously could have smoked weed if he wanted to.
Fuck, I don't know. Those are the only deviant things I could think of at that time.
We've concluded that it would have taken the same amount of time to walk from our campsite back to his car. and to drive back over the bridge.
Basically, we think he parked on the embankment and was walking to our campsite.
We almost got Ivan Maladded. Fuck, toot-a-bop.
And I'm so sorry if I offended the nice people who live there, but yeah, your town is scary.
If you've read this far, thanks so much.
Reading this over doesn't seem as scary, but fuck it was.
If you want to tell me, or if you want to tell it, feel free to use our names.
Good, because I did. This was truly the scariest experience of my life.
Thank you both for being you and for giving me a place where I feel like this story belongs.
Cheers, Dani. And then she attached some photos on this map.
She, like, wrote a bunch of stuff. And she goes, the motel that fucked pulled into.
And then she wrote... Shit map of titty-da-bop.
Yes, that is supposed to say fucker, not fucked.
Don't at me on my PowerPoint skills. This is actually great PowerPoint skills.
Dani, you killed it. Damn. Also. Can you imagine if like, and I know people in Australia can't imagine this, but I cannot.
That you have to worry about hitting kangaroos instead of hitting like a deer.
I know because we're just worried about deer.
And we're not even that worried about DNA.
No, we're only worried about it in, like, certain areas.
Wait, are there signs that say, like, careful ruse?
Yeah, because there's careful deer. Yeah.
So I'm assuming there's, like, rue crossing signs.
There's also, like, horse crossing signs here.
Here in America. Yeah. Here in America, we hit deer.
We hit deer. And you can keep them if you want.
Did you know that? that's a fun fact if you hit a deer guys you can keep your deer if you hit it with your car only if it's not on purpose yeah you But like if a deer runs out and you hit it, they ask you if you want to keep the deer.
I mean, that's good because if you accidentally hit it, it's just...
It's your problem now, so hang it on your wall.
You might as well use it or something. I'd be like, no, thank you.
But hitting a roo must be an experience.
I wish I could do an Australian accent. I just think of those like really jacked roos that you see that like.
Like kangaroo jack. Yeah. That literally look like strong men.
Yeah. They will kill you if they punch you.
Like they lift things up and put them down.
I just think of that. But... Probably not.
So this is my next listener tale. It's called...
The weird fudgery which happened to me during the course of, I don't know, feet me and my stupid substitutes for cursing.
I don't know what any of that means. Featuring me.
Okay. I don't know what for bludgeon means, but I like that she says it.
I love all of it. So... This is, can I say her name?
G. I call her G. There you go. Okay, so hey weirdos, let me introduce myself before getting to the creepy sugar.
I'm an actual grade A trash bag. What? Whomst you can call G from the land of T in weird hats.
Yes, the actual hellhole country of Britain, which makes sheet magazines and is darker than Satan's asshole in the winter. i have been listening to your podcast for only a couple of weeks and i'm hooked you guys are defeating my covid boredom so for that thanks I've always been a fan of the creepy stuff like the movie It and Urban Legends.
I also read weird-ass Japanese folklore on the daily.
That's cool. Labyrinth is an amazing movie.
That's why I picked this one. I picked it for you.
Gee. Labyrinth. David Bowie, yes. Alina's trying to figure out if she can show her four-year-old's labyrinth or not right in if her answer is... And I say yes, but John says no.
For your concern, she says that she'll fast forward over the closet part.
Yeah, like the beginning of Labyrinth where they're hiding, the goblins are in the closet.
I would fast forward over that. I would only start at...
Literally the second that Jareth just, like, appears in the room, because then... I saw my baby.
The other thing is, my girls know David Bowie.
They know him... Very well. So I'm pretty sure I could cry.
What could I do? I needed you to join in.
I think they would see Jareth and they wouldn't be like, oh, that's the Goblin King and he's gonna come get me.
They'd be like... That's David Bowie. Right.
And they will like sometimes we'll show them like the cool episodes of Face Off just to show them that like monsters are makeup.
Yeah. In fact, I recommend that because it's actually worked for my kids.
Yeah. I don't know if anybody watches Face Off. it's i don't think it's it's not on anymore which is a real sad face because i think it ended like a year which is a real sad face it's a real sad crying emoji uh they it was on sci-fi network and it was like mu it's um special effects makeup and it was really cool it was like project runway but for special effects makeup It's constantly playing at Elena's house.
It's very cool. It intrigues me a lot. I love that stuff.
I wish I could do that stuff. But I have had it on before. and the girls have like wandered into the room and usually like I don't watch anything that would freak them out when they're awake so There was one that was on that was like a monster and I like quickly went to shut it off.
And one of my girls was like, is that a monster?
And I was like, well, actually it's a person in monster makeup.
Do you want to see how it was done? And then they'll show, like, how it transitions from a person slowly into a monster.
And they show them putting the makeup on them.
And honestly... It's... Because my girls now will be like, oh, that's a person in makeup.
Right. And I'm like, yes, it is. Exactly.
Because they've seen it happen. So if you have, like... kids that might be maybe if they're having like nightmares or they're getting spooked out right now it might help to show them something where like face off where you see them getting put in the makeup The more you know.
I'm just saying, this is my friendly parenting tip of the day.
I don't know if it will work for your kids, but it worked for mine.
Back to the British tea. So back to, all right, Labyrinth is an amazing movie and being a trash bag isn't all that bad.
So both of you are my spirit animals. Without further ado, let's get to the scares.
So just before I start this, this happened over the course of seven years and although there ain't any diamonds, I love saying that word, I am shooketh to the core whenever I think of those things.
So I'm going to start by saying I used to live on a road where everyone knew everyone knew everyone in that shit.
All of the houses were old-ass Victorian terraces, which were actually really nice.
My house was nearly on the end, and guess what?
No. Nice. Yeah. on said abandoned house's end of the road aka my end so this all began with me changing bedrooms oh change is bad Change is horrible.
I used to share a bedroom next to my mom's with my twin sister, whom I shall call E.
So at seven, I was fed up of sharing a room with my annoying sister.
Just kidding. I love her, but she always throws water on me in the morning when I just want to stay in bed staring at the ceiling because sleep is for the weak.
I moved. I agree. Like what? I agree. Why is she throwing water on you?
I love it all. This is what I have to look forward to.
I know, right? I moved room and yet another cliche horror story moment said new room was basically in the attic.
So we had a loft right above my new room, and the actual room was embedded in the roof, and due to the annoying British weather, The actual roof itself, for bludgeoning, creaked in the wind.
I love for bludgeoning. Oh, for bludgeoning.
For bludgeoning. foot foot for bludgeoning the actual room itself for bludgeon creaked in the wind i love that word So moving into this room, it was real big and nice.
I loved how cozy it was, but all good things come to an end.
Yeah. The first creepy thing happened in the day and the night.
There was but one door to get in and out of my room, and it... mother for bludgeon creek like the like the room mother fludger when you opened and shut it The first time the creepiness happened was the second day in the room.
I remember it so clearly. I was sitting on the coolest fudge window seat, which I thought was the sugar back then.
And may I note, it had a view of the abandoned house.
So I was sitting there reading my copy of The Wind in the Willows, classic British child.
Also, that's a great book. I read that when I was little.
I didn't read that. Yeah, Ma has it. And the door, which was shut, sheeking creaked open.
Cheeking creaked open. And guess what shut again?
Then opened, then shut. My seven-year-old middle-class child mind was immediately soiling my pants.
I was like nope and flew down the stairs lol.
This happened a lot over the next year or two so fast forward to when I was nine and still dumb as fudge.
Same. This would happen every night. And also, like the persistent door, freaked me the fobludge out.
So remember when I told you the attic was above my room?
I woke up persistently every night at guess what? around 3 a.m no so it sounded like mother fudging tapping through the ceiling of my room mother fudger As if some sheet show ghastly ghost was in the attic, tapping on the roof beams.
Also, whenever I went up the stairwell that led to my room, I felt a presence behind me, like it was the weirdest feeling.
It felt like a mix of someone watching me and tiny hands feeling up my back.
Fuck that. I mean, for bludge that. For bludge that.
I would always turn around like... Whomst the fudge is feeling me up.
Whomst. I say whomst all the time, so I love that.
Whomst the fudge is feeling me up my back only to find nothing.
This presence got so frequent that I would go up the stairs with my back to the wall.
Can I also say that although my mom always puts up the heating to like sheet stick high.
It was always cold in my room. My stairwell in the corridor leading to my bathroom where I also felt the presence.
Nope. When I was ten and a half, my parents had a gnarly two-part breakup.
Two-part breakup? Woof. so my dad lived in a flat with his girlfriend and my mom lived in our house by herself when we weren't there which was every Wednesday So anyway, it was the night before one of my exams and lovely array of spooky sheet had now become three things since I moved into my room. bear in mind i'm ten and a half now these things were the lovely roof tapping spoopy demon the creaky opening shutting door and more cliche horror stuff Mother fudging creaky floorboards.
So whilst getting to sleep, I remember that all of these noises for the first time in ages had stopped.
Hold on to your butts, ladies. Here's where we get spoopier.
Booty check. I have only ever had three nightmares in my life.
Good for you, man. Seriously. I've never been prone to night terrors or sleep paralysis.
I'm Jill. But the universe decided that on this quiet for once night, they would bless me with my third nightmare.
I remember it clearly. I was walking down a road, which looks like the inside of a dirty toilet bowl. no and it was not a lucid dream because it felt like my body was willing itself to move so i had no control over my body I kept walking down what I shall call sheet bag lane and I came across a lamppost.
Which was, may I add, flickering on and off if that is a true nightmare.
And tied to the lamppost was a rubbish bag.
My hand moved to open it on its own. When I opened it, my heart stopped.
Inside was a hecking body. Not just a hecking body.
My hecking body. that's isn't that like so symbolic that's some shit right there i want a dream person i want a dream person to undo this It gets worse.
I know. It was me with a slit throat and my, no, its eyes were closed.
She said in my no it's eyes. No it's eyes were closed.
The eyelids of said demon, me, suddenly slicked open.
I had no fudging eyes. Then I woke up. I have no idea how the mind of 10-year-old me could fathom this, but when I woke up, I couldn't for bludgeoning scream or... even cry.
That's the worst when you wake up from a nightmare and you can't scream.
It felt like all of the saliva and tears had been taken from my body and guess what?
Freaky Demon Sheet Show starts tapping again.
And the tome on my clock is... Or the tome on my clock.
The time on my clock is 3 a.m. Ugh. By now I'm done with these creaky floorboards making door opening and ceiling tapping obsessed demon.
It's dark outside, hence my notion of Satan's asshole sky.
So I stayed underneath my covers, because fudge this, covers are shields.
I was sweating uncontrollably, but it was, as I said, it was full-bludgingly cold.
After a while, I ran down to my mom's room and slipped into bed with her, waking her up.
May I say now, my mom is a badass top lawyer who judges and specializes in family law.
Holy shit, she is a kick-ass lady. She is awesome.
So yeah, my mom is kick-ass. She told me it was okay and rubbed circles on my back. with one hand and hug me tight with the other while I went to sleep even though it was the unholiest hour in the morning. flashback to three years earlier my family and the family a few doors down were robbed within the course of a fortnight that's scary yep The whole windowpane in my kitchen was taken out and the thief had lovingly taken the time to leave us a lovely muddy footprint.
The other family's caravan was stolen without a trace.
Okay, so now we're back to the future. Love that movie.
And our neighbor's car was crushed by the construction lorry after the chains holding some logs snapped.
So all of this happens on the side of said abandoned house and get this, my twin sister, shout out to that beach, love her.
Said she and her friend went into the back garden of the weird house and looked through the window.
She said that she saw a man sitting on a chair in there.
Get this. The guy who used to live in the house died 21 years prior to this of a heart attack.
So yeah, that's the creepy sugar that happened on my old road and it doesn't stop there.
At my dad's flat, I would always wake up at the night and see glowing orbs from behind my door like eyes. eyes.
Oh, fuck that. Nope. My dad recently mentioned that our landlord for some reason had pieces of Nazi helmets in the attic.
I was like, why though? But thought nothing of it until my dad said he took them out of the attic a year back.
I stopped laughing at the randomness. That's when I stopped seeing the glowing orbs.
So yeah. That's the creepy shenanigans that happened to me over a few years.
I no longer live in my old house. Keep doing what you do.
And just so you know, you guys are awesome beaches.
Keep it weird, but not so weird that you have a demon tapping on y'all's ceiling at the ass crack of dawn.
Goodbye from Britain, you legends. G. I love you, G.
Gee, that was amazing. Wasn't it? Holy shit.
Fubludgeoning are amazing. You're a fubludgeon legend.
You really are. This one is wild. I'm excited.
I don't know if I'm supposed to say this.
Sorry, I'm knocking shit over. Wow, can you get it together?
I can't. I don't know if I'm supposed to say this person's name, so I won't until the end if they signed it and then I'll say it.
I love you. I was going to go la-di-da-do.
So, hey, Ash and Alina. Okay. let's get down to business to defeat the Huns and then wrote couldn't help myself I'm glad you didn't So it's taken me a while to get all the information from my mother and grandmother about the mass shooting we were in.
Oh, shit. I was only 15 months old, or as normal people say it, a year and three months.
I'm glad you said that. My mom says... Sorry.
My mom. I was like, what? My mom says she doesn't she does not recall how long we were there, but it was during my grandmother's lunch break.
Wait. Sorry. She noticed what looked like big flies shooting down the hallway they were headed towards.
And then she heard the cops. So she's like seeing it from there.
My mind was trying to like picture it and I was trying to say it.
Sorry. She said she froze. There could not be a shooting happening.
They were at an Air Force base. My mother said she saw a man that looked like Santa with the white hair and the beard, but in khaki shorts and a Hawaiian print top. walking up the hallway where the bullets were coming from towards her.
And when he got close enough, he told my mother to run.
She says it clicked then that there was a shooter slash shooters in the hospital.
I can't imagine that feeling. Biggest fear.
Biggest fear. She turned around with me in a buggy.
Also, you're fucking pushing a carriage.
Like, that's terrifying. I didn't even... That... like just the fear of a shooting being in a mass shooting yeah i was thinking of but having your baby with you no like fuck that So she turned around with me in a buggy and my grandmother holding the hand of my cousin and started running in the opposite direction, yelling at people to run.
Somehow, everybody got split up. My mother lost track of my grandmother and my cousin.
And my cousin, we hold up in an empty office.
She said that I was screaming as someone in their rush had spilled hot coffee on me.
Oh! Oh my God. And she thought for a brief second that it was blood as the liquid was wet and warm.
Oh my God. It was not. This is too much.
This is a lot. Already. I'm like, nope, I'm out.
Yeah. Jumping to my grandmother, she was helping to direct people to follow the drills that they were taught at the hospital while trying to keep my cousin calm.
The only issue was... With that was she found out that... The only issue was she found out that the directions were to meet up in the main lobby area...
It was like putting multiple fish in a small bowl.
All of the nursing staff are dressed in their whites.
And all uniforms had to be starch and bleach.
So these women are practically glowing in the dark white.
Holy shit. Or glowing in the dark white.
My grandmother stated to some other people nearby that this is ridiculous.
If he comes this way, we're like fish in a barrel.
He can easily take us all out. And she turned around and started ushering people back into the hallways to find offices and closets to hide in.
She ended up hiding in a janitor's closet with seven other people.
She said to me, I still to this day don't know how we all fit in there, but we did.
Wow, she's a badass. I love that she turned around and was like, fuck the protocol.
This does not make sense. Right. Because that doesn't make sense to be in all of you in a lobby.
Like, what? Back to my mother. We hid in the empty office.
She had gotten me to quiet down and had put me back into my buggy.
I love the word buggy. Oh, and that stresses me out because you have to, like, if she's crying.
A baby, yeah. A baby crying. Right. Like, oh.
So... Too much, man. She put me back in my buggy so that way her hands were free when she... were free to push over a heavy filing cabinet.
She had moved... close to the door in case she needed to use it to barricade us in.
She then said she heard a woman yelling out in the hallway.
I remember her yelling, not screaming. There's a difference between yelling and screaming.
Ugh. Ugh. but she couldn't leave me alone either my mom told me she cried because she was so torn but followed what the lady had said and did not leave the office She tried to use a phone, but the lines were all busy.
We waited for what felt like hours and then a janitor found us and said the police wanted everyone who could to get to the boiler room as there was a possible exit down there.
The janitor pushed my buggy as my mom ran with me following him.
Oh, my God. Running? God, I think I was running.
But you know, in times like that, it feels like you're running in mud and you're thinking to yourself, Ugh.
Ugh. And that was a quote from her mom.
Mom said that the janitor, we the janitor and about 50 to 60 other people were hiding in the boiler room for hours. hours until the police came to escort them to buses and get them away from the hospital.
She had no idea where my grandmother and cousin were, but she did find them at the safety point after the bus dropped them off.
My cousin had gotten separated from my grandmother in the rush, and a man with his daughter had helped him run.
Oh, can you imagine? No, and he had just passed his daughter to my cousin and shoved them in a closet and blocked the door when the shooter had come up to them and hit the man in the head with the butt of his rifle.
The man when he came to had kept my cousin by his side and gotten him to the safety point where they met up with my grandmother and mother.
Can you imagine the debt you would want to owe that man for the rest of your life for saving your child?
Like I would be like, and the fact that that guy was face to face with a mass shooter.
Yeah. And like saved someone else's child.
Yeah. That's crazy. And ended up living.
Like, holy shit. My mom said she tried to find the Santa-looking man in the Hawaiian print shirt, but no one had seen him.
The police did not know who she was talking about. even the security tapes had no one of that description.
My mom to this day says, to this day, the hold on my mom to this day the man she saw was her guardian angel i think i was gonna say that definitely yeah like some universe projection telling you Okay.
The shooter was Dean Melberg, who had been diagnosed by two professionals as obsessive, paranoid, and possibly dangerous.
It was a superior officer that said he could remain in service as long as he did his job.
Holy shit. Yikes. Anywho, back to work for me while I listen to the story.
Damn. Keep it weird, your Santa obnoxious flip.
Keep it weird. Look for your Santa obnoxious floral carenza.
Holy shit. That is wild. Sorry that I like couldn't read.
Am I okay? terrifying seriously i'm shook that's just insane and i want to know who that santa looking man was right i really do All right, so mine is called Listener Story.
Where did you come from? Where did you go?
Spoiler alert, it's not Cotton Eye Joe. And you know what?
That's the kind of headline that will really catch my attention.
We're looking for that, man. Elena and Ash, please leave identifying info out because this dude wasn't caught.
And I live in like a whole ass different state now.
But you know, I do. I know. We know. I love your podcast.
It's been so cool to hear you go from audio that literally destroyed my eardrums to having like real ass sponsors.
Thanks. You know, the audio was really shitty for a while.
Dude, the first thing I say when I'm like, yes, I have a podcast. don't listen to the first like well i'm always like the audio gets better just hang in there yeah we figured it out I also like that you started listener stories because it gives me people to laugh and cry with.
And I know it's done... It is doing some hurting souls good to see two awesome people that they look up to say the words, you are a badass and we believe you.
Aww. You're welcome. Other listeners, I am sorry I say ass so much.
I'll try to keep it to a minimum. Ass, ass, ass, ass, ass.
Okay, so I'ma set the scene for you. I was a cocky, know-it-all, slightly bitch-tastic first semester freshman in undergrad.
Of course, with the great cocky bitch-ass-tasticness comes an even greater flair of dramatism.
So when my first midterm paper came knocking at my door, I decided that the only way to tackle it was pulling an all-nighter at the library despite having an entire week to write it.
Sounds like you will. Elena. The logic.
I know. So here I am on the quiet floor of the library writing my essay until between 12 and 1 a.m. in the morning in pajama pants and no shoes.
Why? I don't know. I guess it just felt more dramatic, which was really the theme of the first semester.
Also, looking back, I think I was going through a whole no-shoe thing.
I've been doing that my entire life. I think I've said it before.
I'll show up at Elena's house with no shoes.
Yeah, and I'm like, how'd you get here, though?
And now one of your kids is like, I don't want to wear shoes because Titi's not wearing shoes.
It's true. So I appreciate that. You're welcome.
Okay, side note. I was totally going through a no-shoe thing because someone said they thought it was gross on Yik Yak and I got into a Yik Yak war with her.
And like three years later, my coworker mentioned that once she got in a fight on Yik Yak over wearing shoes.
And you better believe that I just laughed and did not admit I was on the other side of that.
Did you have Yik Yak? No, I did not have Yik Yak.
Yik Yak came out when, do you remember Yik Yak?
Annie, I used to, like, avoid that shit, like the plague.
What did you kick? I don't exactly remember.
It was like you could write something and people... yeah it was anonymous but people could like comment on your yik yak but like they didn't know that you wrote it and you didn't know who they were commenting Because it was all anonymous.
That's straight up hell. Yeah, no, it's like the perfect tool for bullying.
I think that's why it didn't last long. Yeah.
I think it's, honestly, I bet one of my high school bullies created that.
I believe that. Also, do you remember Form Spring?
I got bullied on Form Spring in, like, middle school, but I was like, whatever, I'm cool, I hate you.
I don't know what any of these things are and I'm really glad because the only way I could get attacked when I got home was through AIM.
So that was enough. Also, I was the lead on my staff and I didn't want her to respect me less because if I were in her shoes, which are probably on her feet like they're supposed to be.
I would respect me less too. Remember Yik Yak?
What a weird time. Anyways. It was a weird time. weird time so i finished up my essay and i'm just super proud of myself because i wrote that stupid ass essay in one night I packed everything up into my bag and started to walk back to my dorm in the pitch black dead of night.
My dorm was really close to the library and my campus was pretty small so it just felt safe. well turns out that i was not it was not a good idea to be walking in the pitch black that night by myself and no fucking shoes and here's why I am an eyesight of my dorm when this tall, lanky-ass dude starts walking behind me.
Don't love this already. My mom loves true crime.
Same mom, same. And I grew up with the ID channel on, so my first thought was book!
Book! Also grew up with the ID channel on.
I do not know where he came from. Literal bat out of hell meatloaf style.
I just kept walking and ignored him. He ran up to me and started walking beside me.
Fuck that. Obviously, I started walking a little faster because I'm 5'3 on a good day and stopped going to the gym once I got to college.
Don't worry, I'm not going to hurt you, he said.
Um... Then he asked something that chilled me to my very bones.
Are you going to those buildings? Because that's where I'm headed to.
Now you may be thinking, why is that so weird?
No, I'm not thinking that. No, that's fucking weird as hell.
Well, I will tell you. The buildings he was pointing to was actually just building, my dorm.
And anyone who had any business being there at 1 a.m. would know that it was just one building.
Now I'm freaking the fuck out, but before I can register anything, his dry ass lotion lacking hand is around my mouth.
Yup. I immediately throw my shit to the ground and dip out from his arms and break out into a sprint.
Good for you. Hell yeah. Well, you may recall that I haven't worked out in a while.
I was on the swim team and the track team in high school, so I wasn't slow either because I had that good, good muscle memory still.
Well, this dude was faster than me anyways and was able to catch up and grab me from behind.
He puts his hand back over my mouth and started dragging me.
Luckily, I will never know where he was going to drag me to because I started thrashing like a Yes.
Yes. I was so close to my dorm, like it had, like it, if I had just been a little faster, I could have been at the dorm in less than a minute.
The dude realized that I wasn't going anywhere easily, so he pulled a knife on me, which I felt on my back, and he told me that I needed to shut up.
I felt like if I could just stay in a place someone would find us.
So I dropped to the floor like a rock. Yes, that's so smart.
It was. You're killing it, man. Unfortunately, this gave him the chance to get on top of me.
I'm still thrashing like an out-of-water fish, but start asking him, what do you want?
He said he just wanted my stuff, but remember that I had thrown my shit down like it was on fire the moment he touched me.
I reminded him of that, listing all the things that were in there.
My computer, my wallet, my IDs, my debit card.
It was all in there. But this asshole didn't go grab any of my stuff.
He just kept me down. he's getting pissed off and he's now holding the knife to my neck honestly I think he's just confused on what's going on as I am because he keeps saying he doesn't want to hurt me but he just wants my things.
Well, excuse me, sir, but you are hurting me and you are not taking my shit. like it's over there get it God for a second I was like well fuck this is how I go but then I remembered that I wanted to get into vet school so I couldn't die i love how pure this is this is amazing yes that was the first thing that came to my mind so with all my strength i grabbed the blade of my knife the knife in my my hand and start pushing it away wow you're a badass motherfucker badass bitch alert even if he tried to get it back but against my neck it wasn't gonna happen He was going to have to saw my thumb out first.
I alternate between... Between please, sir, don't hurt me, and I will fucking kill you, you asshole.
So I'm sure I was sending mixed messages.
This guy is done with my bullshit. He tosses the knife aside and starts straight up choking me.
His hands are so fucking strong and my hands are slippery with blood so I can't pry him off.
I'm losing consciousness now. Oh, this truly is it.
Well, it wasn't because just right then Jesus or whatever anyone believes in as a higher power or even no power, I don't judge.
Sends a motherfucking angel. The chick heard me screaming and by herself walks up to us and asks the guy point blank in a regular conversation voice, what are you doing? mind you she's like hey what's up what are you doing mind you I'm on the ground with a full grown ass man putting all his weight on me.
I'm bleeding from my nose and hand and my face is swollen and his hands are around my neck. this chick is as cool as a motherfucking refrigerated cucumber well the dude and i are both caught by surprise and for a second we're frozen in that position before that stupid butt decides to tell the girl that I'm having a bad trip and tried to attack him.
Yes, me, the attacker. That was his cover story.
I start screaming. but actually rasping because this man was like trying to choke me to death or something that i don't know who he is but please don't leave me Not please help me, please don't leave me.
I had been wrestling this dude for so long without anyone hearing me scream that her presence was more important to me than anything else.
Oh, God. I was so tired. Then I heard her ask from behind us, I don't know how long after because time was a blur to say the least.
If you know her, what's her name? Fucking plot twist.
She was one smart cookie because he didn't know what my name was.
Then he said, then she said, I don't believe you.
Things get a little blurry here. I remember seeing people coming out from the dorm and heard sirens.
The guy said fuck this and literally disappeared into the night.
Never to be found. Never to be found. Fuck.
Are you kidding me? I think he even grabbed his knife again, but I'm not sure.
Where did you come from? Where did you go?
Where did you come from? Stupid asshole.
I was cry laughing while reading this email.
This is amazing. I was sitting by myself in our room just like laughing so hard.
I'm screaming. I was taken to the hospital and had to get stitches in my hand.
The EMTs were the best. I remember one of them telling me I fought.
I sure fought hard. She asked me what I wanted and all I could say was water, water.
She wasn't supposed to give me any in case of DNA being on my teeth because of biting him.
But she said I could take a little sip as long as I didn't put the bottle up against my lips or teeth.
Fucking angels. And EMTs out there, I love you guys.
Dude, I'm with you because when my daughter had to go in an ambulance, I was like, I fucking love EMTs.
Like, thank goodness for any EMT. They're like the best people on Earth.
Oh, they're angels. Turns out that my attack wasn't the only one.
When I gave the description of the guy, I noted that he had a white bandana around his neck.
Well, wouldn't you know, a nursing student was kidnapped from behind the hospital by two guys with bandanas not too long before my attack.
They didn't harm her because she went willingly and they had her withdraw money from an ATM.
Coincidence? I think not. I woke up in total pain, like the worst workout ever because his full weight was on me at one point.
I had to get stitches in my thumb from gripping the knife and couldn't bend my fingers for a while.
The follow-up was horrible and I couldn't go outside at night for a long time.
Anything would make me lose it. Like I accidentally killed my betta fish while cleaning his tank and I just cried for like hours and hours.
Either just before or after my assault, my bike had been stolen and my gas had been siphoned, so I straight up thought I had a stalker.
Nope, just shit luck. Aww. After that first semester, guess what?
I got my shit together and decided that's...
I sense my only reason to keep fighting was so I could go into vet school.
I'm proud to say that I matriculated this year and just started my second semester. badass bitch that's so badass here's my warning for all you peeps if you think you need to be somewhere until 1am to write an essay that isn't due for a week Bring a person with you.
You'll be thankful in the long run. Also wear shoes because if you're in a situation where you got a nope out fast, it doesn't hurt to actually be prepared to run.
Well thanks for listening to my story. Once again you guys are literally the best.
I keep it weird for y'all every day. Much love.
Anonymous. Holy shit. That just paid my bills.
It made my hair grow. My skin cleared up.
I love you. That's fucking awesome. That's incredible.
And you're like, I'm going to be a veterinarian.
That's so badass. That is so badass. And I love that you didn't let that stop you.
Yeah, like, fuck that guy. All right, well, guys, we have two more listener tales, and I think this is such a good batch of them.
It is. This is so good. All right, listener story, the car that follows, aka the scariest event in my life.
Woo! This one, I, like, felt the, I was like, I kept, like, scrolling.
I was like, ooh, ooh, ooh. What happens?
Chili willies. I'm ready. Okay. Okay. Hey, hey, spooky spooky sisters.
Hey, hey. First off, I want to say I'm a huge fan.
I discovered your podcast when my husband and I decided to take our two sons, 11 months and 3 years, an overnight road trip from Missouri to Florida last summer.
Wowzers. Fuck that. I said that. She didn't.
That's morbid. That's morbid as fuck. needless to say we became great friends that night we did oh i love you uh i'm a stay-at-home mom and while i love my quote job don't put that in quotes that's a job J-O-B.
I watch Elena do that job and like I try to help and like I get overwhelmed.
It's so much. Damn. It does get lonely from time to time because I just don't get that, quote, girl time like you used to.
That's why I come over all the time. Just get an ash.
Get yourself an ash. Get yourself an ash.
However, once a week my husband stays with the kids while I get away and grocery shop or run errands, needless to say.
You guys have kept me company every week while I mindlessly stroll the aisles of Target, Hobby Lobby and Walmart or sitting in my car eating a DQ Blizzard because, you know, sometimes mama just doesn't want to share.
I'm so with you, girl. Anyway, let's get to the story, shall we?
This story is going to sound unbelievable, and I know that, but I can promise you it's 100% true, and even thinking about it Holy shit.
Yeah. We used to go all the time to movies.
It was the way we bonded after my dad died when I was 14.
I'm sorry. But since I had kids, movie dates for us became few and far between.
The movie we were seeing was Two Towns Over.
That meant for me a 40-minute drive, 20 down the interstate, then take one highway for 20 minutes. instantly lose cell service, take a small dirt gravel road that connected to another highway, and then enter my private gated community via a clicker.
I like that idea of like a clicker to enter a community.
That's fun. This is a path I have taken several times with no problems.
The movie was long, about two hours, so once the movie was finished, it was about 11 p.m.
Afterwards, my mother and I stood at my minivan talking about the movie and our favorite parts before we hugged and departed on separate paths.
As I was pulling out of the theater, I noticed a car behind had a really loud muffler.
Uh, the car followed me until I got to the interstate.
At this point, I didn't question myself if the car was following me because being a very paranoid po- being a very paranoid person naturally after listening to so many true crime podcasts cough cough but i pushed this thought from my mind immediately and focused on the road because you know that could never happen to me Of course not.
However, after a couple minutes, I noticed that the car was tail riding me so close I could barely see the headlights in my rearview mirror.
Fuck that. I don't like this already. I instantly became annoyed because I was in the slow lane and there was no passing car in the fast lane.
I decided since the car behind me was being an asshole and wouldn't pass me in the fast lane, I would move lanes and let him pass me in the slow lane.
However, He didn't pass me but changed lanes as well.
Nope. So I changed back and he followed me.
What the fuck? This continued on with me constantly changing lane and the car constantly following me no matter how fast or how slow I would drive. at this point the thought that i was being followed kept creeping into my brain but the rational part of me was still trying to make excuses the thought quote i'm being followed Uh-huh. see me pulling off into the woods and keep driving because, honestly, you don't mess with people who live in the woods in Missouri.
However, they didn't. Oh, my God. What the fuck?
Yeah. By now I was so scared I pulled out my cell phone to call my husband, but realized that the area had no cell service."
I focused on my breathing, trying to remain calm, knowing that a panic attack was right around the corner if I allowed myself to get worked up.
My turn was coming for gravel... gravel road shortcut that was led from one highway to another.
Honestly, you would miss it unless you knew it was there.
As I swung onto the narrow road, he did too.
I floored the gas, then driving fast than I ever had on this road before.
What the fuck? All I could think that was he was going to bumper tap me and cause me to crash.
I began to shake and tears immediately started to stream down my face.
My fingers on my right hand anxiously tapping my husband's number only to get no mobile service available.
Yes. without even stopping at the stop sign.
Again, I frantically tapped my husband's name and it suddenly began to trill.
Hello, how was your movie? He said in a sleepy voice.
There is a guy following me, I screamed into the phone.
What? He asked more alert this time. I repeated what I had said as I pushed my gas a little harder.
I'll meet you outside, he said, hanging up later.
A minute later, I could see the streetlight marking the entrance of the community approaching in the distance.
Suddenly, I heard the squealing of tires and looked in my rearview mirror to see the car came to a complete stop and turned his headlights off. don't know like i watched his headlights turn his fucking headlights turn off now this This was a moonless night in the Missouri backwoods.
When it gets dark, you cannot see more than a half inch in front of your nose.
This meant when the car turned his lights off, I completely lost him, but at that point I didn't care.
I turned into the gated community. and opened the gate.
I sped through the community streets the entire way to my house.
I could see my husband standing outside as I jumped out, tears streaming down my face.
Between sobs, I told him what happened. Holy shit.
We called the police, but they said all they could do was a drive-by since I didn't have a description or a license plate.
This event gave me bad PTSD. Now when I drive, I'm constantly making note of the car descriptions and license plates.
If I drive at night, I stick to main roads only and have to be talking to someone on my car's hands-free speaker.
Holy shit. Right? Yeah. Okay. Holy shit.
Shit. Isn't that insane? That is spooky of the highest order.
Even, like, when I think... I always think somebody's following me.
I do, too. And, like, at night, because I...
Well, like, I go to my house sometimes at night and I literally will drive past my house if there's a car behind me.
Yeah. I will never pull in the driveway if I think someone's following me because I'm like, you're not going to follow me. gonna find out where i live i'm like i'll just keep driving all night we'll just keep doing this you will run out of gas all night Woo.
All right. Okay. Jesus. I'm glad you got out of that.
This one, we're going to end on such a creepy one and you're going to be shitting your pants.
Oh, snap. So this one's called Fucking Creepo with Duct Taped Listener Story.
Weirdos, I love the podcast. I started a few months back and have binge listened to most... Have binge listened to most episodes.
So I'll just jump right to my listener story.
About five years ago, I was 24. My best friend, who was the fucking best roomie ever... had just moved in with her then-fiancé.
I know, fuck her, am I right? Just kidding, he's wonderful.
So I was living alone. I lived in a not so good area.
Someone had been shot in the chest at the McDonald's down the street and someone stabbed in the knee around the corner.
That's why you go to Wendy's. Stabbed in the knee. knee damn ouch at the time i usually worked random hours because i was a supervisor and had to fill in shifts if my staff didn't show up for work Ugh.
So I had worked a 6 a.m. to 2 p.m. shift.
I got home after my shift and there were two uber goth people.
A man and a woman sitting on the stairs up to my building entry.
Now I'm kind of a spook spook that wears all black. but I'd like to think I'm pleasant as fuck so I don't judge people or how they dress but the man was wearing black duct tape over his mouth and had a sign around his neck that said don't talk to me Same.
So I walked around. That's just me every day.
Minus the duct tape. So I walked around them up to the landing to my apartment building entrance.
As I walked by, duct tape dude, he made barking noises.
The woman said to me, Ooh, he likes you.
I'd be like, I don't want him to. I just went inside and went back to my apartment.
The front entry to the building was not locked or secure, so anyone can come in and out anytime they wanted.
Okay. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. I was trying to mind my own fucking business, but had my keys ready in my hand.
As I got up the stairs and got to the landing, the man stepped out from under and stated he was And started going up the stairs.
It was the barking duct tape dude from before.
He liked you. he liked you I quickly went into my building and he followed after me I quickened my step down the hall and got to my door I already had my key out ready to go inside I glanced over and the man was walking straight at me, wide eye, fucking staring, unblinking at me.
No. Okay. I love when you read them live because you're like oh my fuck I panicked and I pushed my full weight as hard as I could And we struggled with the door, but I finally got the door closed and locked.
Then I heard a knock at my door. I yelled, go away. there was another louder bang bang bang on the door i grabbed a self-defense keychain my friend had given me that i was based was basically a brass legal brass knuckles that's awesome love that and i heard him say are you home ew no isn't that so creepy i'm not i didn't know what to do so i just yelled no i went to grab a sword the sword I know she just says I went to grab a sword so I went to grab a sword that I had in my closet also a gift from the same friend Great friend.
I want this friend. Yo, can we all have that friend?
I heard him say, I just want to talk. I came to my senses and called 911.
It got really quiet for a hit, so I looked through the peephole and he was across the hall knocking on other people's doors.
I sat on the floor in my front entry with my sword and black brass knuckles not sure what to do.
Just chillin'. Just a sword and brass knuckles.
I can't say brass. I can't say brass. Those brass knuckles.
Those brass knuckles. Blast monkey. That funky monkey.
So, let's see. Blast, blast. So she's sitting around with her sword and brass buckles.
And I heard another knock at the door and yelled, leave me alone and started hysterically crying.
I heard someone say, this is the police.
I looked through my people. They're like, we won't.
It was in fact three police officers. I opened the door a crack and asked to see their badges.
Smart. Smart, smart. They showed them to me and I opened the door and explained everything.
Apparently they had received multiple calls because of the banging and me yelling.
One officer stayed with me while the other two searched the building and then looked um then looked outside to make sure he wasn't hiding anywhere he was gone i slept with my brass knuckles that night terrified he could come back luckily i never saw him again Like, how do you come down from that enough to go to sleep?
Like, he barked at you. This woman's like, he likes you. it's like fuck and then you see him and he tries to get in your fucking apartment like no thank you No, not into it.
But I realized that night that all my friends and family lived 45 minutes away and my boyfriend at the time also lived 45 minutes away had worked nights nearby.
Unfortunately, he could not have his phone on shift, so I had no way of calling him.
So that wasn't as helpful. So at any point, any person I know and loved lived almost an hour away and was unavailable.
I then moved 45 minutes away from my work to be closer to friends and family. i have felt safer and happier ever since so yes now i commute 45 minutes but hey at least if a creeper goth dude that barks at me and tries to force his way into my home happens again Yeah.
Yeah. Holy shit. That was insane. That was a good ass bout of listener tales.
Guys, I don't know what I'm getting. I was like, that's yours.
Elena just went to hand me her iPad as we were finishing up and I was like, nope, that's not mine.
So yeah, so that was crazy. You guys killed it.
And keep sending them in because. Do that.
We fucking love them. These were so much fun.
Typically we do them like every two or three weeks.
So it shouldn't be too much longer before the next bout.
We'll get back on a regular schedule. We'll have some spooky roads coming up too.
Oh, I forgot about spooky roads. Spooky roads.
Yeah, see, we're getting all back to business.
Let's get back to business. to defeat the Huns well guess what everybody in the meantime of waiting for our fun episodes you can follow us on Instagram at Morbid Podcast.
Hit us up on Twitter. Amorbid Podcast. Send us a Gmail. morbidpodcast at gmail.com.
Donate to the Patreon if you're feeling so inclined.
We will be shouting people out in the main episode this week.
Patreon.com slash morbidpodcast. As always, you can follow us on Spotify.
You can listen to episodes for free on Spotify because you don't need a premium account and Spotify is great.
Follow us because it's easy. We hope you keep listening.
Do it. And we hope you keep it weird. but not so weird that you have a guy barking at you and he's like woof woof woof I like you and then not so weird that there's a tap tap tapping at your attic door and not so weird that like a Santa guy is like, hey, get out of here, but maybe keep it that weird because he was pretty helpful and don't keep it so weird that you go camping and the jeep tries to get you and don't keep it so weird that what happened in between, I don't really remember, but...
All those listener tales were so creepy, but don't keep it so weird that you have to write in a listener tale because your life is so creepy.
Bye. Don't do it, man. But do keep it that weird because like I do like that you write in Listener's Tale.
So like maybe do keep it that weird. Bye.
So yeah, keep it that weird and keep sending us the stories.
Bye. If you like Morbid, you can listen early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.
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