Hey weirdos, before we dive into today's twisted tale, let me tell you about a place where the darkness never ends.
Wondery Plus. So come join us if you dare.
Morbid is available one week early and ad free only on Wondery Plus.
You can join Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or an Apple podcast or Spotify.
You're listening to a morbid network podcast.
Listening on Audible helps your imagination soar.
Whether you listen to stories, motivation, expert advice, any genre you love, you can be inspired to imagine new worlds, new possibilities, and new ways of thinking.
Listening can lead to positive changes in your mood, your habits, and ultimately your overall well-being.
Audible has an incredible selection of over 1 million audiobooks, podcasts, and Audible Originals all in one easy app.
Find the genres you love and discover new ones.
Explore bestsellers like my sister's title. new releases, plus thousands of included audiobooks, podcasts, and originals that members can listen to all they want with more added all the time.
I have been listening to the Martha's Vineyard Beach and Book Club, which actually Elena recommended to me.
She did not listen to it but she said girl this title sounds so you and let me tell you it did.
I've been listening to it while I walk and I am absolutely loving it.
I love all the different narrators. I love Audible.
There's more to imagine when you listen.
Sign up for a free 30-day Audible trial and your first audiobook is free.
Visit audible.com slash morbid. Think about the most disturbing government secrets you've learned from history.
Now imagine discovering one that begins in a hospital room and leads straight to classified military operations that were buried for decades.
Listen to a redacted medical mystery Available now, wherever you get your podcasts.
Hey weirdos, I'm Elena. I'm Ash. And this is a Listener Tales Morbid.
🎵 🎵 Brought to you by you, for you, from you, and all about you.
It's all about you. you it's all about you we love you life is a cabaret it sure is I'm kidding.
That's amazing. Luann DeCepes. That's a little Roni Bravo humor.
God, I love Roni. Love Roni. Where's our Real Housewives of New York peeps out there?
Raise your hand. Probably about four and a half.
I don't know. We get a lot of Bravo heads out there that are like, me too.
I also love murder and Bravo. Murder and Bravo are the only things I love.
A wonderful mix. Murder and Bravo are my two favorite things.
Well, we decided that we're going to do a Listener Tales episode.
The West Memphis Three kind of destroyed. destroyed my brain and we needed to take it down a notch and let you guys make us laugh.
Yeah, I need to fucking laugh. Because today's been a sad day.
Yeah, there's just been a lot going on. We recorded the West Memphis Three and that was really sad.
Yeah, that's always sad. My heart inside hurts.
Yeah, I had Ash watch West of Memphis, which I still very much recommend.
Yeah, guys. It's another documentary about the West Memphis Three.
And at the end, when, you know, they get out, when they do that Alfred plea.
All over again. they like Jason and Damien hug and then you see Jason with his mom and it's just the sweetest thing ever he's just like Mom.
Oh, he's the purest thing. I fucking cried.
Yeah. So go listen to our West Memphis three episodes if you haven't already.
I don't know what you're doing if you don't listen to mom.
There's four of them and I spent basically a month completely enveloped in them. wasp of his three so go listen to it just for my sake to make it worth it please thank you yeah um so i think we just should dive right on in we're about to tap in let's do it okay so the first listener tales episode story thing that i'm I'm going to tell.
Tale is from Andrew. I'm excited because I haven't read any of these.
Elena picked this week. Yeah, I picked them this week and I'm excited.
Let's start doing that thing where we switch off.
Ooh, love that. Okay. Sorry, go ahead. So this week was my week.
It says, listener stories. Does time travel exist?
Yeah. Was Kylie a ghost? Or was my weed really laced with LSD?
A story from Australia. I hope all three things are true.
I read this and I was like, Andrew, for the win.
Are we talking about Kylie Jenner or is it just Kylie?
You got to listen. So, hey, weirdos, I'm a huge fan from all the way down under in Australia.
We love Australia. I'm completely addicted to your show and love the banter between you girls.
Also as an Aussie, I'm intrigued by your accents and some of your sayings like how you describe people as being Super nice or super friendly.
Really? Which I guess maybe super is not like a thing.
I don't know. I don't know. Or maybe he's making fun of us.
I'm not really sure. Either way, love you.
Yeah, love you. So thank you, Andrew. I live in a small town in New South Wales called Bomrell. bow row bow row shit i'm gonna i feel like i have to look that up Can you look up the pronunciation of that?
How do I spell it? I don't think Andrew will yell at me because I feel like Andrew and I trust each other right now.
So I know he won't. Bow rule. Got it. All right, bow rule.
Bow rule. All right, we just want to be real.
You may remember that town as it's close to Ivanmala.
That's Killing Grounds and is the town where Paul Onions escaped from the creep.
Shit. Paul Onions, bringing it back. That's where we came up with Evil Onions.
Evil Onions, we did. On a side note, how good is it that he is now dead?
Hopefully he suffered to his last breath.
I agree. I'll apologize up front for this being so long, but I do assure you it's worth the read.
Never apologize. Yeah, never apologize. Long ones are the best.
You're welcome to edit the story for your podcast if needed and to use my name.
Thank you, Ender. Hold on to your butts.
I'm holding it. She really is. It all started in February 1995.
I was 23 years old at the time. Yes, I'm an old man now.
LOL. and living with my then girlfriend in a newish two bedroom townhouse no history with the place so not what you consider for a haunted house etc The place had a garage to park your car and one of those electronic roller doors to gain access to it.
One day like any other I went out to get in my car to drive to work.
I opened the door and there was a lady standing in front of my car.
Nothing. I was obviously taken aback as this was our place and no one else should be using that garage.
I said something like, hey, can I help you?
And she turned and looked at me. We made eye contact and then she was gone.
I mean gone. Just disappeared. Not like in a cloud of smoke or anything dramatic. just gone like you're looking at something you blink for a split second and it's gone i would have i don't even know I just would have turned around and gone right back to bed.
I would have been like, well, today isn't happening for me, so...
That's not good. Today's a no. Yeah, today's a big nope, so I'm gonna go back to sleep.
Okay. Not being the supportive type, she suggested someone had laced our weed with LSD and I was seeing things.
Yeah, looking back, I wonder why that relationship didn't last.
I didn't see this being the case and hadn't actually smoked weed in a few days.
So ha on her. Yeah, that's just dumb. Over the next few weeks, I read some books on ghosts and also brain tumors, etc., trying to logically or scientifically...
Put the pieces together on what might have happened without any answers.
Almost a month had passed and I was home alone watching TV when my cat made this horrible hissing noise. like she wanted to fight the neighbor's cat or something.
I turned to see her in the kitchen, all puffed up in defense mode, and ran in there to see what was going on.
There was the woman again. Shut the fuck up.
Standing in my kitchen looking down at my cat. i said something like who the are you she looked up at me made eye contact and went to speak then bang she was gone again just like before just go I have full body chills.
Right. I keep getting fucking body chills.
This time I knew I hadn't been seeing things as the cat was freaking the fuck out more than me.
What the fuck, right? She was dressed the same.
Almost business-like. Was definitely mid-thirties and an attractive woman.
Not a horror or ghostly face at all. She just looks like your typical real estate mint type business lady.
That's even scarier for some reason. Like a modern ghost is terrifying to me.
Yeah, I don't like that. Like someone just wearing a smart pantsuit just shows up in your kitchen and you're like, what you doing, lady?
Like, sis. You lost? Like a Hillary just shows up.
I was about to say that. That's all I could think of. i'd be like are you campaigning i'd be like what's happening i'll join your cause if you tell me what it is tell me what it is Don't keep showing up in my shit.
Now to cut the story time in half, I won't go into each detail about each time I'd seen her.
But over the next six weeks, I had seen her five more times, twice more in the garage and three times in various places in the house.
She was always dressed the same way and each time was the same as the last, but sometimes we'd look at each other for up to five or six seconds. which at the time felt like minutes.
It always ended the same way where it was obvious she wanted to say something.
She'd open her mouth as if to talk. And then she just disappeared.
That would be the most frustrating fucking thing.
Right. I'd be like, I just want to know what you're saying.
I never felt like she wanted to harm me in any way, but was what I thought was obviously trying to communicate with me. i left welcoming notes for her throughout the house and garage oh i left pen and papers lying around for her to communicate with i bought several disposable cameras they were the in thing at the time Yeah, I remember.
And spread them throughout the house on timers hoping to catch a photo of her but nothing like good for him Andrew you were like committed to the cause. one day in late may i'd seen her for the last time no answer to why it stopped it just did Eight years go by and although she was often in my thoughts and I'd researched the shit out of what was going on, I'd even gone for medicals, CT scans... the lot in case my mind was playing tricks on me.
But I had no answers on what I had encountered all those years before.
One late afternoon, I'm coming home from work and this car comes through a T intersection without stopping.
Oh, God. I'm sorry. A major accident where I was airlifted to the hospital and spent 24 hours in the ICU.
Later, I found out the driver, whom didn't obey the road rules, was some scumbag whom was known to the police was a drunk driver and shouldn't have been on the road.
Also, a woman in one of the cars I had hit had ever so sadly passed away at the scene.
It wasn't this woman. During my hospital visit the police checked on me and cleared me of any wrongdoing and asked if there was anything I needed.
I said that although I knew it wasn't my fault, I felt incredibly guilty about the death of this woman in the other car and if there's any way they could go get a word to her family of my apologies, then I'll rest easier.
Yeah. Oh, you're so nice, Andrew. I know, that's really nice.
The next morning, a man was at my hospital door and through tears of emotion told me his name was Phil and his wife Kylie was the lady whom passed away. away he said she was the mum to two young boys and a loving life he asked a bunch of questions about if i'd seen her at the accident and if she was in pain etc I told him truthfully that I was unconscious pretty much from the impact and couldn't answer him.
He acknowledged I wasn't to blame in any way and all guilt should be with this arsehole whom caused the accident.
I asked if he minded that I attend her funeral service and he accepted and gave me details.
A few days go by. I'm out of the hospital and with loved ones but a sense of responsibility told me I must attend Kylie's service.
He's so sweet. The town of Agde in France is famous for sun, sand, sea and sex.
But lately, life on the coast has taken a strange turn.
The town's mayor, a respected pillar of the community, has been arrested for corruption.
His wife claims he's been bewitched by a beautiful clairvoyant.
Then there's the mysterious phone calls that local people have been getting.
I am the Archangel Michael. The whole town has been thrown into chaos.
As the mayor is unable to carry out his duties, I would like to address you all.
Legal proceedings have been initiated. Join me, Anna Richardson, and journalist Leo Schick for The Mystic and the Mayor as we investigate a story of power, corruption, and magic.
Binge all episodes of The Mystic and the Mare exclusively and ad-free right now on Wondery+.
Start your free trial in Apple Podcasts, Spotify or the Wondery app.
I walked into the ceremony with my wife this one is a lot more supportive than my ex-girlfriend And just stopped dead in my tracks as I got to Kylie's coffin and took a look at the beautiful photo her family had placed on top of the coffin.
I'm sure you've guessed it by now, but I can assure you at the time I had the biggest anxiety attack of my life.
Every hair on my body stood up. I was shaking.
I went cold and had house bumps. House bumps.
I like that. But was sweating, tight chested a lot.
I felt physically sick. that the woman in this photo was in fact the exact same woman who appeared to me all those years before.
I have no explanation for these events. I have like full body.
I know. Look at my arm. Like I'm legit like...
I've since told the story to family, friends, a psychiatrist, and even reached out to discuss it with Phil, her husband.
I get a number of answers from you imagined it all to you've had a paranormal experience and everything in between. me you don't imagine that's not no no there's no way imagined me i like to think that somehow kylie found a way to time travel and was trying to warn me not to drive that night or that she was acknowledging I wasn't to blame.
But truth is, I'll never really I'll never exactly know.
I'm 100% confident in my mind that these events happened. and although I'm an analytical person and would like to think I'm quite intelligent, I cannot logically explain what went on. thanks for taking the time to read my story and hope you can use it on your podcast keep up the great work girls and don't forget to keep it weird Just not so weird that you time travel back to warn someone not to drive, but don't in fact actually tell them what they need to hear.
Regards, Andy. andrew i want him to go to a medium like that's amazing that story is that's some glitch in the matrix yeah doppelganger crazy like my head has cloning i mean i'm stressed that is it Such a good one.
That was bananas. Right? Can you imagine?
I could not. I don't even understand. I really can't.
That's a lot. And then to be at the funeral when he finally realized that.
In all of that, just like Andrew's a stand-up dude.
To be like... Seriously. I want to send my... Because I understand.
He probably felt so bad just being involved in the accident that someone passed away.
And then you go there and that's what it is.
I would fall over. It's insane. So thank you, Andrew.
That was amazing. Thank you. Our next one is called Listener Tale, Kick-Ass Survivor.
Yes. Victim? Hell no. We love survival tales.
Okay. Hello, ladies. I love, love, love, love your podcast and it makes me howl with laughter.
So fucking funny. Never stop doing, never stop your banter, XX.
Anyway. Enough with the bullshit on my story.
I decided to tell my story after listening to the Susan Walters episode.
Only three or four people know about this story and they all live in England.
I now live in Australia. Yes, Australia, all over the place.
I have not used names and I've never even told my husband my story.
Damn. Nearly 29 years or so. In parentheses.
Fuck, I feel old. I'm 44. Yeah. I was with this complete douche of a guy who was my boyfriend at the time.
I was around 18 or 19. And he was about 24.
We dated for about one year or so and then I had enough of his bullshit and lying to me.
We did not live together, thank God. Or this could have ended very differently.
Me in prison for justified homicide. LOL.
I don't think we've killed him a little bit.
Only a little bit. Just a smidge. Just a bit.
So we broke up. Big surprise. And not very well, you all...
Sorry. And not very well you all know. Oh, and not very well you all know the story.
We have all had a bad breakup. So you know the story.
The late night phone calls on the mofo landline back in the day.
Yes. Yes, that wanker would wake up the entire household.
That made me a very popular at home. Thanks, asshat.
My mom loved that. She wrote my mom. I digress.
We had pizza being delivered at first. It was okay, but you get over pizza real quick.
And the best thing that got sent to the house was a porter potty.
What? What? Like what the fuck dude I have three bathrooms already I have never felt the need to piss outside of the ground in front of my neighbors but whatever floats your boat mate.
You haven't had that urge? No. So anyway, I used to get up at fuck a doodle two in the morning. for work at like 4 a.m. and had to walk about a mile or so to the bus stop to get to work.
I grew up in England and it's dark as Satan's asshole at 4 a.m. in the morning in the winter.
So, anyway, I was about halfway through my walk to the bus stop and half asleep as well when...
A figure all dressed in black jumped out at me like some sort of fat ass wannabe commando.
Oh, with a knife telling me he was going to rape and slash me.
Great, I thought. I'm not even half awake and cannot be fucking bothered.
No, thank you. My Uber has arrived about 30 years too early. oh my god i'm dead i love her so much i knew who it was straight away my motherfucking ex i thought he was pissing a pissing about then he grabbed me about i love that oh i thought he was pissing about and then he grabbed me by the hair and dragged me into the bushes i was kicking him and shouting and calling him every name under the sun that i could think of He had the knife to me neck and was undoing his fly and trying to push me down onto my knees.
Oh, I'm stressed. Yeah, this is giving me stressies.
Then a little thought popped into my head.
Hmm, emoji. That's what she wrote. If I'm going to die, I'm going to take a big fucking bite out of his liver.
Yes, I was just going to say bite. bite it out of this wanker so i don't go quietly so i bit his fucking dick so hard that he screamed And tried to pull me off, but I was clamped to it like a fucking limpet, lol.
The motherfucking legend. The legend. I love you so much.
You for president. So I let him go and kicked him as hard as I could, as many times as I could, before he got back up and managed a few kicks and punches afterwards. before I was running away, fucking bawling my eyes out, running home.
Oh, I woke my mom and stepdad up they took one look at me and called the police i was covered in bruises and cuts and very shook up and upset the police could not do as much as it was my word against his This was a long time before the anti-stalking laws.
It was just classed as exes causing trouble. that sucks that's horrible the most humiliating part was having to pull down my pull my trousers down pants for you Americans for the police to show them my bruises I'm lily white, just like Elena.
So I had a really nice black and purple ass.
I feel you. He was just told to keep away from me.
Yeah, like that will happen. What the fuck?
But my stepdad is a very big, scary guy with lots of big friends who hated to see me upset.
They got him in a corner one night in the pub about a month or so later and had a few words with him about how you treat a lady.
Yes. That ended up with him not working quite...
Quite right for a while. But funnily enough, he never came near me again.
And I cannot think why. Funny that. So back to now.
I have never let what happened to me get me down or stop me from living my life to the fullest.
Fuck yeah. Yay! Yay! They all ask me for life advice and I'm more than happy to give it.
I love you. I love so much. Love you girls.
And thank you for taking the time to read my story.
It's the first time I've ever written it down and told it out loud.
As I said before, my husband and kids do not know about this.
I do not need the pining looks. I'm better than that.
As I said in the title, I'm not a victim and never have been.
Sorry if it's long. I did not mean to go on and please feel free to edit if you want.
I'm not sure if I want my name using as he could be a listener.
I hope not. Thank you for making my life a bit less boring and a lot more morbid that was incredible I love that so much and I love how she told it That's the thing.
You guys are amazing storytellers. The way you write is just incredible.
I love that she just bit his dick right off.
Because as soon as I started reading it, I was like, yes, do it, do it.
And then it happened and I was like, yes, you fulfilled it.
Because if you try to rape somebody, you absolutely deserve to have your dick fucking ripped. bitten off munched the fuck off and then spat out like bad sushi Oh, wow.
Exactly. What a picture you just did. I did.
All right. So on to mine. Mine is listener stories.
Demon goat man on the ceiling. No, thank you.
Hey, ladies. Hey. First of all, I love your podcast.
It is my absolute fave and I listen to a lot of them.
Like to the point where it annoys my husband.
But yours is the only one I refresh at least once daily and then heave a sad sigh or have a little mini tantrum if there's nothing else. nothing new there no when there is a new episode it makes my day every time so thanks for being your awesome selves and all the work you do and the enjoyment you bring to so many people's days love you You guys have made my rampant cursing and alarming tolerance for the gruesome feel a little more normal and fun.
Yay. You are normal and fun. Love you so much.
Love you. So here's my listener story. I will fucking die if you read it out loud.
Oh, you're dead. Oh, no. R.A.P., sis. Gah, just the thought.
So I'm a nurse. Have been so for 20 years.
So you're a hero. Hero. Is what you're saying.
Hero among men. So I'm a hero for 20 years.
Fuck, I'm apparently also an old hag. Everybody thinks they're old.
Don't worry, we're all old. It's fine, except for Ash.
She's old at heart. I am fucking old at heart.
Just the thought. Let me see. And I live in Canada.
I won't get more specific than that. And for the purpose of this possibly please being read publicly, let's call me Liz.
Hey, Liz. Many moons ago, I worked nights on the palliative floor at a super old hospital that used to be a sanatorium for TB patients back in the good old days.
Do not get me started on the levels of fear I had to overcome at that place being trying to catch naps in beds people had recently died in.
Nope. The apparently ghostly apparitions that haunted the oldest sections of the building.
Nope. I never saw that bitch in a dress.
Thank God. Oh God. And the goddamn diarrhea-inducing task of wheeling a body to the morgue in the haunted section of the hospital all by yourself at 3 a.m. wheels squeaking and nothing but your will to pay the bills to keep you from fucking running away and never looking back. other than being scared shitless occasionally.
It was actually a great job and learning experience, and honestly, it was an honor and humbling as hell to help people and their loved ones through the process oh wow i know that sounds morbid as fuck and it is to most people but i think this is the audience that would understand to say you came to the right place you're here beautiful let's all hug No, let's not social distancing.
Let's elbow bump. Let's just elbow bump.
Thank you. Anywho, sorry I have raging ADHD and cannot stay on topic for the life of me.
Ooh, girl, I feel that. Ash is with you.
So some of the rooms where I worked were semi-private, meaning that two people shared a room, but there was a sort of half wall separating their halves of the room. so they couldn't really see each other from each other's beds unless they got out of bed and peeped over.
In this one room at the time, there were two men.
Let's call them Harold and Dave. Let's do it.
Let's do that. Harold was a really quiet guy, literally hardly ever spoke, but was nice and polite whenever he did.
Yes, Harold. Most patients by the time they reached our floor had come to terms with their mortality and fear of dying itself wasn't something I often heard expressed, surprisingly.
So I do remember that as being a bit different than the usual fears or concerns, more so pain management, leaving family behind, etc.
Hmm. Hmm. boisterous and loud with a fantastic sense of humor.
The two shared the room for a few weeks rather uneventful. other than that Harold was physically declining as expected and Dave was not.
They were both dying of cancer. Although Harold was declining physically, though, he still had his wits about him, and I don't remember him ever exhibiting any behavior out of the ordinary at all.
No confusion, nothing. Skip forward a few days and I came back to work to a really weird vibe on the floor that I felt immediately.
People were whispering and just acting really fucking skeevy.
I of course got the usual shift change update, including that Harold had passed away.
Unsurprisingly, but something was missing.
Once shift change was over, I got the real story from my coworkers about why everyone was acting so freaked out.
And let me just assure you, These are some of the most professional and seasoned nurses I've ever had the pleasure of working with.
And they were spooked. Yes, it's my new favorite word.
Yeah. like it took me i love that word so much like it took me a lot of prying before i could come corner one of them into telling me the full story The rest of them didn't want to talk about it at all.
Alarming. I should not have asked because it made the rest of my time there a hell of a lot spookier.
And I have never forgotten the mental picture that was painted for me that night.
Oh, great. I'm so excited. Hang on tight.
So as I mentioned before, Harold had died a few nights before, but not in the usual fashion.
Nope. Harold, although he was still in his right mind up to that point, started to become very agitated in the early evening out of nowhere.
And no matter what the nurses said or did to try and calm him, including all the drugs, he just kept escalating.
When I say he was agitated and escalating, what I really mean is that he was yelling and screaming incoherently at increasingly loud volumes from his bed.
It went on and on for hours to the point where other patients were crying and upset.
And the nurses were also baffled and upset over not being able to calm him in any way.
Like, the drugs we could administer on that floor were no joke.
He just went from 0 to 100 in the space of a few hours.
Let me assure you all, this is not normal, and I've never seen or heard anything like it, and I've witnessed a lot of death.
After a while, as if it wasn't bad enough, the screaming turned into more of animal noises.
What? Howling and barking is what the nurses called it.
What the fuck? At this point, I had shivers and should have known the end of the story.
There would... And should have known to the end of the story.
They're so... I wouldn't quit on the spot oh I should have said no to the end of the story there so I wouldn't quit on the spot but no I just had to hear the rest Harold screamed, howled, barked, and made horrific animal noises until he finally died in the wee early hours.
The the entire unit patients and staff included were all fucking shooketh.
I am so damn glad I was not there to witness it firsthand.
Okay, but here's where it gets really weird and scary as fuck.
Like, as if it didn't. I was like, I'm already... booped his formerly extremely extroverted roommate dave stopped talking like almost completely He stopped talking, laughing, joking and all the stuff he did constantly up until that night.
We figured he was just upset about the way his roommate went out.
No wonder, but it seemed like more than that.
Finally, one of my coworkers got him to open up one night and this is what he told her very hesitantly because he insisted that he was not crazy and and not confused, and not seeing things.
He also had never exhibited any strange behavior, confusion, etc., That whole night while Harold was howling and barking and growling and all that weird shit, Dave was lying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling, eyes fixed in horror. at the half man, half goat thing that was hovering on the ceiling over their partition, separating the two men.
What the fuck would that be other than a demon?
I have never stopped wondering to this day. if what dave saw and was forever changed by was real he was discharged a few weeks later still in pretty decent health and still not the same person he was before that night Then what the ever living fuck did Harold do in his lonely, quiet life that warranted being exited from Earth by a fucking half goat demon man?
What was he so scared of facing after death?
God only knows I guess and I don't even know if I believe in God.
I do, however, believe that what happened that night was real and fucking scary and disturbed everyone who heard what happened that night.
And poor Dave, the only guy who apparently saw what happened and was too scared to talk about it for days.
Oh my God. So that's my spoopiest story ever.
I hope you guys enjoyed it. Just so you know, I always got fucking chills when I went into that room from that night on. and never dared to look at the fucking ceiling in the middle of the night during those damn patient checks. i still did them because i was a responsible ass nurse but i was also a fucking terrified 21 year old who did not want to see that goat man hanging out over my head at 3 a.m while i sat with the dying patient love you guys and keep up the amazing work liz that is fucking bananas isn't that terrifying yeah i'm like that one really that one fucked with me yeah like okay like liz you fucking that what you're a hero first of all that job that you do Huge deal.
Beyond. Like, you should be paid a zillion dollars for what you do.
And second, like, holy shit. Like, I was reading that whole thing initially.
Did not see the half man, half goat on the ceiling thing.
Even though it was called, like, the title had it.
You're like, where does that come from? in i was like when does that come in and then i was like nope wasn't ready for it oh it was coming and still wasn't ready for it wow that's just fucked up yeah Also, I feel really bad for Harold.
I know. Well, I don't know. What did Harold do in his life?
That was what I was about to follow that up with.
Like, I feel bad, but I'm like... Shit, Harold, what you got into?
Yeah, I think Dave was like, what the fuck kind of roommate did I get?
Yeah, man. No, not into it. All right. Well, next one is called Listener Tale Almost Decapitated by a Fucking Loony.
Woo! Perfect. Hi, my favorite weirdos. I've been wanting to send in this listener tale for two years now.
Holy fuck, we've been doing the podcast that long?
I know, isn't that nuts? What the fuck? But honestly, it still scares the shit out of me and I've never spoken to anybody about it.
That's a running theme. I even had to reconfirm with my mom as to whether it actually happened the way I remembered it.
And she confirmed for me that, yes, it did happen this way.
And yes, we should all be suspicious of our neighbors all the fucking time oh i don't you worry yeah i'm already there don't worry uh this could be super long so feel free to cut out what you like okay i won't Okay, so I was three years old when this happened.
Wow, that's crazy. But I remember it like it was yesterday.
I'm 25 now and obviously traumatized. I never lived with my mom, though my dad would let me stay with her every second weekend.
Ash, she sounds very similar to yours, but let's not talk about that type of childhood trauma right now.
If she's anything like mine, I'm real sorry.
Anyway, at this time, she lived in a third level apartment with a huge, big echoey foyer. that you had to cross to get to the stairs or the elevator when I would stay with her she always had the tv on like 24 7 always turned up excessively loud wow she literally might be my mom one night when i read this shit i was like what that's weird ash it's me One night, I remember for whatever reason, she turned the TV off for us to go to sleep.
And within a few minutes, we both started to hear whispering through the fucking paper thin walls.
A man's voice. Oh, dear. God. Yeah. Saying, I'm going to cut your fucking heads off when I catch you.
It's only a matter of time. I'll get you.
I'll get you. Over and over. I really gotta go.
Yeah, I hate it. Shit. My mom acted like this was weirdly fucking normal and just turned the TV back on.
What? I'd be like, no. My mom would have done that shit too.
I would have been like, yo, bitch. It's so true.
I can see that. A few minutes later, we hear, wait for it. yeah a fucking chainsaw revving from his apartment i shit you not i would nope into the next galaxy mom i don't like you anyway so I think this is the last visit you're like three and you're like I'm done yeah right he wasn't cutting through the walls or anything too wild but Because, you know, rubbing a chainsaw in your tiny third level city apartment isn't that weird.
No, not at all. he was just revving it to scare us.
Scare us he did. My mom called the cops.
I don't know what happened after that, but everything kind of calmed down the rest of the time I was there. anti-climatic i know but trust me i won't let you down oh she doesn't okay kind of do a few weeks after that it was my weekend with her again fucking bummer yeah i'd be like i'd be like uh daddy oh i'd be like i'm gonna stop these weekends with mom And again, she had her TV on super loud all weekend.
Now she had to work this weekend and was taking me with her.
Hold on to your butts, ladies. I can't even tell this part of the story without crying because I'm shooketh to this day.
I know. I want to give her a hug. I'm sorry.
Or an elbow bump. Yeah. My, sorry, my mom had her hand on the doorknob twisted and I remember thinking, why is she leaving the TV on? probably because my dad was dirt poor and switched off everything except the fridge to save power.
So as I walked to the door, I flicked the TV off thinking I was helping.
Literally seconds after I did that, this six foot something ginormous fucking dude.
Oh, God. Yeah. Oh, a ginormous fucking dude burst out of his apartment next door and threw his body into my mom's door, literally screaming at us that he was going to kill us. that he was so happy to finally see us and couldn't wait to smell our blood oh god that's so joke Mom still had the chain in the door, but we could see he was about to break it off.
He was putting his face right up to the crack.
And we could see he was missing an eye and had a spider web tattooed over the fleshy hole where it used to be.
What the fuck? I'm not alright. My mom would have this neighbor.
I bet this is my mom's neighbor right now.
God damn. Shit, I'm triggered. Mom ran to me spiderweb tattooed over where his fleshy hole used to be.
What? Mom ran to me and scooped me up. Then it went quiet.
So she ran back and pushed the door closed again.
Oh, she took me in her to her bathroom to call the police.
And as she was on the phone with them, she he started banging on the door again.
And we heard his fucking chainsaw again.
I don't know why he didn't just cut the door down with it.
The police told us they found it on the floor still on when they arrived and Instead, he started hacking at the door with a machete.
Guy needs to chill. For some reason, that's almost scarier.
Yeah, it really is. So while this was all happening.
Are there other neighbors? Like what? That are like, hey.
Hey, Spiderweb. Can you calm down today?
Hey, Steven. Can you chill? Charles. It's time to take your medicine.
Kevin, relax. So while all this was happening, I remember fucking screaming, yeah.
And trying to climb up the walls as if I could get away from it.
Oh my god, you sweet angel. It felt like it It took forever for the cops to show up.
New Zealand cops probably smoking doobies in the lunchroom and thought my mom was making this all up.
Amazing. New Zealand. The whole time we were waiting for the cops, this fucking looney tune was trying to break down the door with his body and machete screaming at us how good our blood would smell on his knife. oh it's like ivan is that you right the cops finally showed up please bear in mind the cops in uh new zealand don't carry guns and this was the 90s so i don't even think they carried tasers at this point so it took seven big policemen to pull this creature away from our door cuff him and get away Oh my god, you sweet angel. so when i asked my mom about this to send this tale to you she told me she always left the tea on because he would whisper so much oh god right it gives me chills and it was the only way to drown it out and that she left it on to go to work because he would listen for it to go off and then chase her to the stairs She also told me that the cops told her this guy was an outpatient from a local mental hospital and that when they searched his place, they found three machetes and a collection of knives under his mattress, as well as a full petrol can for his chainsaw.
He never returned to that apartment, but a few months later, mom said she was having lunch in a place called Garden Square.
A fave spot for skaters when she spotted this fucking Looney Tunes motherfucker walking across park headed in her direction, but not looking at her. a kid on a skateboard went past him and he put his arm out and fucking that's really funny I'd be fucking dying.
Spiderweb guy's just like, fuck you, skater boy.
He just sticks out his arm and just clotheslines the kid.
He said, see you later, boy. wow wow um mom called the cops again to be like what the actual fuck and they told her because he had a mental disability and schizophrenia that they couldn't lock him up and because He didn't actually hurt us.
They couldn't keep him hospitalized over a certain amount of time.
That's really sad that he had schizophrenia.
So, yeah, that's my yarn about the time my mom and I were almost murdered by a giant spiderweb-faced creature.
Sorry for all the fucks I used. Never apologize for fucks.
Please feel free to cut a few out. No way.
I love you guys so much and piss that I live a half a planet away and we'll probably never make it to a live show.
Keep it weird, babes. Oh, wow. I love you, man.
I love you, too. And hopefully we can come to New Zealand someday.
Oh, we're going to come to New Zealand someday.
I love New Zealand and Australia. They're like... i love them more than i love they're in my heart me too they're in my heart That was an amazing joke.
Wow, what the fuck? The clotheslining thing and the spiderweb over the fleshy hole where his eye used to be.
He was a skater boy. Everything. Spiderweb said see you later, boys.
He certainly was. So my listener tale is called Bitch in a Bonnet.
Oh, I already don't like it. And it's from Caitlyn.
It makes me already want to put my blanket on my head.
The blanket has to go over the head. uh subtly it says saw ladies the bestest most spoopy ash and elena i love it Let me start off how most every listener tale teller does by sharing how much I love you guys in this podcast.
I love you too. As a true crime fan since da womb, I have listened to many different true crime podcasts.
Yours is by far my favorite. Yes. Another hero.
Hero. This is just hero time. And confuse my workmates while listening to y'all.
Please keep making episodes and F the haters.
Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, I'm writing to you from everyone's least favorite state in America, New Jersey.
It's not great. Well, it's not terrible.
And due to global warming, it's basically Florida now.
So get at me, bro. You guys have the best Real House vibes.
There you go. My name is Kate. You could use my name.
I ain't shy. And I live in a majestically... mall ridden area just an hour outside of New York City.
I never go there even though it's so close because I'm tired and I already put on sweats.
Me too, Kate. Side note, would probably leave to see y'all do another live show.
Might still wear sweats. Girl, wear sweatpants.
Please do. I want to wear sweatpants to our next live show.
If I see you at the next live show there, I will know because you'll be wearing sweats.
So wear your sweats. Do it, Kate. And we will be like, Kate.
Kate with the pants. Kate with the sweats.
Down to brass tacks. I'm writing to share you a long drawn out saga that can be edited at your discretion about my... boopy-ass old-ass house in a relatively rural town in northern New Jersey.
To preface... My house is an old farmland house, as in there's a horse buried somewhere on our property.
Probably me too. Probably, yeah. It has been through many renovations, but there have been two remaining inner walls that have been left untouched since it was built.
The inhabitants prior to my parents were a family with adult children with developmental disabilities.
Bear with me. I will try not to go too far into detail as my boyfriend says I often do to keep it pithy.
I like that word. I'm a dive in now. You're about to dive in.
I've always been a quote unquote sensitive person.
Connecting as an infant with my dead grandfather frequently. told my mom my birthday was his birthday before I knew what a birthday was, among many other things. and have lived my whole life in a state of panic, anxiety about that I'm being watched by a damn ghost.
When I was but a wee lass, the age of five or six, I fucking loved all shit weird.
Same. I could get my tiny little sticky hands on.
Aren't all children's hands sticky for some reason?
Yes. Yes. It's syrup. I can attest. Stop giving your kids pancakes.
It's always syrup. I loved Scooby-Doo, obviously.
Me too. Graduated to Alvin Schwartz's Scary Stories.
Yes. Yup. You just spoke to me in Elena's life.
That was literally my entrance into creepiness, which gave me all the nightmares, but I'm a glutton for punishment.
Yes. are you afraid of the dark yes watching Blair Witch Project through the space between my middle and ring finger as my hand was firmly clasped over my eyes still kind of a scaredy cat but whatever and watching virtually every episode of law and order svu Bottom line, I've always loved ghosties and goblins and all things morbid, somewhat sad and gruesome.
You are literally speaking to our souls.
Yep, that's us. I started seeing shit in my house when I was about seven.
Fuck that. It all began after a summer vacation to Martha's Vineyard.
Oh, my God. I want to go to the vineyard now.
The vineyard to you fine New England folk.
Fuck yes. Love you, girl. Where I consumed just about all the local ghost lore that was available to me.
I wasn't good at sleeping alone ever same but was not made better with the multitude of ghost stories I read and heard during walking ghost tours, which I also fucking love same and Aw.
Aw. that sister Jen would sing me songs my favorite was build me up buttercup and tell me stories until I fell asleep because she saw how anxious I was what a good fucking I know and oh and would always be I'm on meds now thanks mom and dad Then one night as I laid awake in my cot next to my sister's tall captain's bed, I saw something that was real fucking spoopy and weird.
No, thank you. There was a large mirror hanging in the entryway to her room, reflecting the light in front of her as I required the door to stay open as I somehow thought that was more safe.
Dumbass. I was probably to it was probably 2am.
No in the morning required because am provides the necessary time of day distinction.
Thanks, Ash. I love you so much have I complained about that before I think you have it bothers me too oh my god it drives me fucking crazy um So, you know, you're killing it all the way.
Wow. She's speaking to it directly into our souls.
And I looked at that mirror resisting sleep with my anxious little baby brain.
I saw clear as day the top half of a child's head with a derby cap.
No. He was trans. No. No, you didn't. You did, but no.
He was translucent to me, but traveling across the bottom of my mirror.
Nope. My seven year old self nearly shat her bed and stayed still for what felt like forever thinking this little motherfucker was going to walk over to my bed and like try to hang out.
I didn't have a lot of friends at this time.
See above, I was a weirdo. But I certainly did fucking not need a dead one.
I woke my sister when I was sure I was safe.
And she got up to get my mom and dad. who chided me for being so ridiculous my sister had some weirdo friends not the good kind the weird kind who were grubby grifters and took advantage of my awesome parents Aww.
Aww. I wouldn't know what, but she did burn some sage.
I assume she did something with crystals because duh. and used some sort of red ink that she blotted on a paper plate and left in my sister's room.
Things supposedly quieted down after that, although I was still just as spooked and nervous like a little chihuahua.
Fast forward 20 years to 2016. I'd been cohabitating with my amazing boyfriend of nearly four years.
He's still my mans. I'm a lucky little bish. stop I'm obsessed let's just say his father who is very kind and wonderful and I had different political opinions have your opinions I just hate those fucking hats man yes i love her so much so funny um i agree have your opinions but i also hate those retweet favorite like and share i started staying at home more frequently in the comfort of my liberal and like-minded parents Life was totally great.
I could do my laundry whenever. I got to eat nice food I didn't pay for.
Fox News wasn't blasting on the TV. Until one night when both of my sisters were home and I asked about the ghosts I had assumed I had imagined because I literally can convince myself of anything because anxiety.
My sisters looked at me and asked if I really wanted to know what happened.
I said, yes, of course. What the fuck, guys?
If anybody asks you if you... really want to know what happens the answer is no no the answer is absolutely the answer is yes but like in the grand scheme of things no you don't need the answer But we want to know.
We do. Yeah, tell us. Jamie, the ever-logical atheist, shared the following.
On several occasions my sister woke up to a woman standing at the front of her bed.
Not really watching her, but definitely confused as to why the fuck this child was in her home. she hadn't had too many other weird things happen the occasional missing items batteries recharging themselves after they were totally dead etc My sister Jen breaks out the big guns and I'm floored, pissed, scared, butt sweating while I digest the following information.
Right. Oh my god. No explanation, no reason, just ghosts being ghosts.
No thank you. Now ladies, hold on to your butts.
Oh, fuck. She then goes on to explain that she would wake up in the middle of the night look down at my bed and see shit swirling over and around my sleeping body and Like hovering, moving, milky white, translucent shit.
What? At this point, I am genuinely pissed off. which is not made better by the bottle of Pinot Noir I faced during this whole interaction. so there's that cool guys and now for the last bit I promise hold your hold your booties it gets worse Maybe about a year or two ago, I am sleeping as soundly as a little lamb in the comfort of my bedroom.
I wake up to this bitch in a bonnet leaning over me, looking at me inches from my motherfucking dome piece.
Nope. I don't mean that. Nope. I yell a pathetic, ah!
And bound out of the bed across my room.
I asked that bitch kindly to get the fuck out, please.
What in the actual fuck? I turn around and obviously that motherfucker is gone.
Despite my scream, my parents absolutely did not wake up. further confirming that if anything bad ever happens in my house i will likely just die it's cool I told my parents who basically shrugged and said nothing.
I still live at home at 27. Read above. I'm a social worker and I am check your bank account at the checkout broke. and sleep with a light on.
I still don't sleep that well and have the weirdest fucking dreams, but that bitch in her bonnet has not been back since.
That's all, guys. Thanks for reading. If you do, as I'm typing this, I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to read this out loud and time it because that's just the whole kind of anal retentive people pleasing person I am. my god keep it weird ladies but not so weird that you see ghost boys who is the only person who would potentially be your only friend or that swirly twirly ghost milk is hovering above your sleepy bod or that bitch in a bonnet decides to make you're still breathing.
Love you. Bye. Wow. I mean, at least they were like nice ghosts that wanted to be like friends and make sure you were still breathing.
Yeah, they were just hanging. And swirl some ghost milk over you.
Yeah, that part I don't even know what to say about.
I had a similar experience. You did. I don't want to talk about it now because this isn't about me.
It's spooky. it later dude it is but holy shit shit fucking love you man that whole email was i feel like my best friends have all written that to us kait kaitlyn I love Kate.
Let's be best friends. Okay. So this is my last one?
Yes. Okay. The time my friends and I accidentally summoned a demon or some shit listener tale. okay okay it happens oh yeah you know it'd be like that sometimes it does uh hey guys my name's heather and i love your show i just discovered it recently and i've been uh bitch listen to it when i drive while i clean when i'm in the shower any chance i get really i love your banter and humor and i feel like i practically know you both now oh my god we're friends no we are I really enjoyed the listener episodes and it's inspired me to share one of my own weird as fuck experiences with you guys.
I'm not a pro writer, so hang on with me here, y'all.
Everybody says that, and then you write the most eloquent, painful emails.
And then you kill it, yeah. This story took place when I was 15 or 16 years old, so being almost 30 now, grandma emoji.
None of you are old. We're all old. No, it's been a long time.
But I'll try to give as much detail as I can remember.
To start things off, I grew up in a tiny midwestern shit stain of a town in the middle of a cornfield it was so small in fact that we didn't have a mall a movie theater or even a grocery store without driving to the next town over Damn, that sucks.
Because of this, the extracurricular activities young people had available to them were pretty much limited to doing meth, getting pregnant, or in the case of my friends and I, dabbling in the occult, apparently.
I was going to say summoning demons. I know that makes us sound like cuckoo nut people, but we were bored as fuck and not exactly interested in of those other alternatives.
Now we all dabbled in the occult a little bit.
I had a book of spells at like seven years old.
I have one on my shelf right now, so don't worry about it.
Anyways, at this time, I had two friends.
We'll just call them Sam and Kate for this story.
I hope it's Kate from the last email. oh yeah they're all friends who were girlfriend and boyfriend sam's grandpa had recently died It wasn't really uncommon for us all to walk around after school or go to Sam's grandparents' house to hang out.
We were all really interested in spooky shit and the paranormal in general, so one day when their house was empty, we decided to do what every teenager does when they have a large house at their disposal –
Nope. At their disposal with no supervision.
Have a seance. Yes. You thought we were going to go... You thought we were going to throw up...
Oh, my God. Is she okay? Ash broke. And by she, I mean me.
You thought we were going to say throw a party.
No, think again. We were baby weirdos. See, that's what Ash would have done.
I would have had a seance at like 15 or 16.
I'd be like, let's get it, baby. I'm with you with the seance.
I wish that I had done more. fun things like seances i have a lot of memories that i don't remember that i don't actually remember Back to the story.
As a bunch of broke ass teenagers who lived in a cornfield, we didn't have an actual Ouija board.
Good. So we just gathered up a bunch of Sam's grandma's candles and shit.
We took everything down to the basement because a fucking basement is exactly where you want to be when you maybe encounter a whole ass ghost. absolutely and we arranged it all in a circle and lit the candles we sat down on the floor with the candles around us joined hands and started chanting sam's grandpa's name and asking for him to join us real fucks wow because sam was a total fucking douchebag he felt that a cool thing to do would be to break away from using his grandfather's name oh god and chanting jack the ripper no we did yeah don't do that you don't want jack the Yeah, do you really want him coming?
I don't even want to say it too many times.
I know, damn. I'll be completely real with you guys.
As much as I want to ghosted all the things paranormal to be real.
Oh, my God. whole entire soul out as we oh god um As we were chanting, the candles all went out at the same time.
Yeah, that's when you leave. That's when you be like, I was kidding.
Yeah, that's the end scene. what is that thing you can say like olly olly oxen free it's hide and seek all over again Obviously, this shut us the fuck up real quick.
And in the silence, we could clearly hear footsteps making their way downstairs. nope nope because we were in we were in the now pitch black basement pitch black basement And those same stairs were the only escape route we had to muster up all the nope we had in order to get the fuck out of there.
Peace emoji. We all ran upstairs directly out the front door.
We turned around and looked back at the house just in time to notice a shadow figure that would have been almost as tall as the ceiling walk past the windows in front of the house oh fuck that nope it was somewhere around late september early october and despite the fact it was only 50 degrees outside i didn't even bother getting my shoes they belong to the demon now it's fine they belong to the demon they belong to the demon now it's fine We literally ran across town without coats or shoes and hung out at another friend's house for a while.
Because we're a pretty spiritual group of friends.
He didn't actually seem skeptical about it.
So that's cool, I guess. He's just like, oh, you summoned a demon?
Come on in. It's cool. Just come on over.
Yeah, we've all done it. If you guys think the craziest part...
Side note, if any of my friends were like, I summoned a demon, I'd be like, you're dumb.
Get the fuck out of my house. And I would slam the door in their face.
Yeah, I'd be like, that sucks. so that I just shut the door.
They tend to follow so I have cookies baking by.
That's rough. Sorry about it. Hell yeah.
Yeah. I was shaken up and half and expect... You're okay.
She's fine. You got this. I was shaken up and half expecting this shadow to appear in my room at any second.
At one point, some shit in my closet fell and I just about pooped my pants.
But other than that, nothing really happened to me.
The craziest shit actually happened to my friend Kate.
The next morning at school, she was shook as fuck and immediately pulled out her phone.
She opened her photos and brought up a picture in negative mode because this was like 15 years ago and flip phones were it back then.
Yes. She said she heard something thumping around in her living room in the middle of the night and put her phone on negative mode, stuck her arm around the corner to snap a photo and sprinted to her room before locking the door after what she saw on the screen.
You could clearly make out her living room, the couch, the curtains.
Standing in front of the curtains was a black figure... that was nearly as tall as the ceiling of her trailer.
This big motherfucker looked like he was wearing a cloak with a hood on.
But it had fucking wings, y'all. No. The only way I could possibly describe this to you guys in any other way would be that it looked like the silhouette of the monster in Jeepers Creek.
That's literally what I pictured. I don't like that.
The second they described this, I was like, that is the guy from Jeepers Creepers.
I feel like our last listener episode mentioned Jeepers Creepers 2.
Did they? Yeah. It was fucked. She locked the photo so that she couldn't accidentally erase it.
Anyone old enough to have a flip phone in the early 2000s probably remembers that feature.
Yep, I used to lock all my important photos.
Not too long after, we were at a birthday party or some shit when a bunch of people we went to school with and the subject of ghosts was brought up.
Kate and I told a few people in our class this story and I told her to bring up the photo as proof.
To both of our fucking surprise the shit was gone.
Honestly, that's fine. Yeah. I'd be like, it's okay.
You know what? Yeah. That's gone. Thanks, you guys, for reading.
Thank you guys so much for reading my story.
I had a hard time deciding which one I wanted to send to you, so maybe I'll share some others in the future.
Totally do that. Please do, because that was fucking insane.
This one was great, and you wrote it amazingly.
Originally, I was going to talk about the haunted ass... haunted ass fuck house that my daughter and I lived in for a few months while she was a baby, but as I was typing... it out one night she was asleep in bed she started to cry out in her sleep not a thing she does like ever and it freaked me out so much that i decided not to even use it oh damn that's terrifying that's terrifying I hope you guys enjoy this spooky but albeit slightly less spooky tale.
Thanks yet again for reading it. I love you both and I hope you continue to keep it weird.
We will. And you better keep it weird, too, but not that weird.
And don't summon any more demons, please.
Because you've summoned enough. The demon of Jack the Ripper or something.
That's scary as balls. Don't love that. Sure.
You guys. You guys are keeping it too spook.
You continue to slay the game with these.
Slay the game. Slay the game. So please continue.
We're going to keep doing this forever and ever.
So keep sending it to us because... We want to do it forever.
It occurred to me that the podcast is older than two years.
Our podcast is approaching toddlercy. Oh, my God.
I love that. It's going to start walking away from us.
It's eating solids now. Yes. This is very cute.
Well, it already has an Instagram, so follow it at.
Mormon podcast. It also has a Twitter. Follow that.
A Mormon podcast. Join the Facebook group.
Mormon colon a true crime podcast group.
Write us a listener tale too. morbidpodcast at gmail.com and subject line listener stories.
Yes, I've gotten a lot of messages on my personal Instagram lately, which is fine, but...
All listener tales can be sent to morbidpodcast.gmail.com.
Sure. And we hope that you keep listening.
And we hope you keep it weird. But not so weird that you summon a demon because somebody's grandpa died.
And not so weird that I don't remember half of the stories that happened that like a bitch in a bonnet comes at. to you not so weird that you have to bite somebody's dick off but do bite somebody's dick off if they fuck with you Not so weird.
That you time travel. You time travel. That one really fucked me up.
Don't keep it that way because I was really fucked up about that.
And like, maybe she was time traveling. Maybe she wasn't.
That was a weird fucking glitch in the matrix.
And. And definitely don't keep it so weird that you end up seeing a goat man on the wall because you fucked up if you're done seeing that.
Yeah, shit's real. Last thing, don't keep it so weird that a guy with a chainsaw and half of an eyeball and a spider web knocks you off your skateboard.
Bye. don't have a fleshy hole with a spider web tattoo over it yeah if you keep it that weird you've gone too far you have goodbye If you like Morbid, you can listen early and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wondery.com slash survey.
