So I have been sick for like the past two weeks.
And oh my goodness, this sickness was awful.
I truly felt like I was dying.
And today's the first day where I woke up feeling just a little bit better.
And wow.
What an amazing feeling.
Feeling good after being sick.
You kind of feel like you've been reborn, you know?
Like you just feel so... grateful to be alive.
And this morning I woke up and walked up to the top of the mountain and the sun was shining and it was just like shining on my skin and I felt its warmth.
And there's something about the sun coming out in the end of winter where it gives you this like little glimpse into spring.
Like there's this lightness in the air, you know?
And I just, I'm so glad that I'm starting to feel better.
And then I'm not sick anymore.
Wow.
I just feel really grateful. to be alive.
Anyways, today is Valentine's day and I thought it would be kind of fun to talk to you guys about my crush.
I say crush, but really it's just like an infatuation.
I mean, I've only actually talked to this person once and I said i said five words to them.
So yeah, i don't know what that is, but i'm gonna tell you the story anyways.
Because here's the thing i live in the mountains, in the middle of nowhere, and nothing very exciting happens to me.
Truly like, my days are all kind of the same, so just this little thing happening was It was very exciting.
So early winter, when it first started to snow, I was going down to the lake a lot because it was just really beautiful to watch the snow falling on the lake.
And there was a path around the lake that I would walk and it was just something that I would do and no one was ever there.
It was just this very peaceful thing, and i would always do it when there was a snowstorm, you know, because watching the snowfall is just like absolutely my favorite thing in the world and i think it was around early january.
I was on one of my lake walks and someone was standing there on the shoreline fishing, And so it was just shocking, first of all, to see someone, because I never see anyone.
And then, upon further inspection, it was also really shocking, because I realized That they were literally the most attractive person that I have ever seen in my entire life.
That was the second shocking thing.
And the third shocking thing was that they were young.
Like they were in their 20s around my age.
And...
I rarely see young people around here just because the demographic of people that live here is definitely an older demographic.
So it was just so shocking.
I think I stood there for a good like five minutes just like this.
I'm serious.
I couldn't really believe what I was seeing.
And I was immediately just really drawn to his energy.
I don't know why, maybe because of what he represented, like the archetype of a man that goes out in a snowstorm, completely unfazed by the weather, and just stands there looking very peaceful, fishing by themselves.
I don't know, something about that I just was very drawn to.
I've been living here in the mountains for six years now and it feels like every year that passes I fall in love more and more with this life, like I liked it when I moved here, but now I love it, and I love specifically just the quiet of nature and being alone for days on end, just by myself, just in these mountains.
I just love it.
I crave it.
My spirit craves it.
I couldn't even imagine nowadays like living in a city.
And I'm realizing that that is a very unique feeling.
Not that many people feel that way, especially people my age.
Most people in their 20s are living in cities.
Going out all the time partying drinking, and this is just so far from the way that I want to live my life.
You know, I Want to spend days on end just here in the mountains, without any one disturbing me, just alone.
Just That's my favorite day ever.
Like my favorite day ever is a full day walking alone in the mountains.
So maybe just seeing this person standing there so peacefully just on the lake fishing, I just created this story in my head of who they were and I immediately just fell in love with them.
My mom always says to me, a crush is just a lack of information, and I think that this is this exact scenario where I'm just having a crush on someone I don't even know anyways.
So i stood there and i stared at this person for like five minutes and i really wanted to talk to them i really did, you guys but i was way too scared, like i was way too nervous.
I'm not that type of person that walks up to someone and feels confident.
Specifically also that day, I remember I hadn't like washed my hair in a while and I wasn't wearing any makeup.
I know that's not a good reason, but I just was not feeling very confident.
So I did not go and talk to them and I went home that night and I remember I was just like full of regret, Like this missed opportunity.
You know, like I should have done that.
I should have just talked to them.
And now I miss my chance and I'll never see them again.
And I didn't see them again for the rest of the month.
I went down to the lake a couple more times.
And then I got sick.
Oh my gosh, I got sick.
And I was sick for like two weeks and it was just awful.
So living up here in the mountains alone, I've really learned how important it is to take care of myself, not just mentally, but physically too.
And when I do get sick, it can be challenging living so remotely to actually make it to a doctor.
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But then, yesterday, I had started to feel a little bit better and I was just craving being outside.
So I was like, Oh, maybe I'll go down to the lake and go for a walk.
Well, on my walk there, he was standing in the exact same spot fishing peacefully by the lake, and i could not believe it, truly i could not.
I could not believe it just because i don't know.
This person almost lived in my head as this, like fictional character that wasn't even real.
But there he was, very real, and standing there fishing by the lake.
So I knew, I knew in my heart, I was like I have to just go talk to them, I don't care if it's just a disaster, I just have to go say something.
So I walked up to him and I said hi.
I said hi and he turns to me and he smiles And his smile was so dreamy.
Like, Oh, this man had the dreamiest smile.
Wow.
You know some people, when they smile, there's just like this light in their eyes and they just look so cute.
Oh my gosh.
That was this person.
He looked very cute and he smiled and he said Hey.
He said hey, and I didn't really have a plan for what I was actually gonna say to this person, why I was just walking up to a random stranger and saying hi.
So I didn't really know what to say and there was this moment of kind of like awkward silence where we were just both staring at each other.
And then I was like have a nice day.
And then he said you too.
And then i walked away and that was it.
I can't believe it.
Um yeah, so i probably won't ever see this person again, but i will say, just this small interaction gave me so much hope in my heart for just the future and i don't know, it's just like exciting.
Exciting to see someone cute, exciting to have like a little bit of a crush on a random stranger that stands by the lake and fishes.
I have to be honest, i am fighting the urge to put a cute dress on and like do my hair and walk down to the lake like every single day and just stand there and wait for this person to come back.
I'm fighting that urge.
I'm not gonna do that, obviously.
I don't have time for that in my life.
But yeah, i'm just excited, you guys, i'm so.
Oh my gosh, i am so excited about the spring and i'm so excited for summer.
Um, as we're like approaching the end of winter.
I feel like i've been just writing my intentions for this next season and Gosh, I just hope to spend like full days standing in nature with my feet on the earth, sitting next to the river, singing and dancing and swimming and just enjoying being outside.
I am so excited and, oh my gosh, recently I've been having these memories of last summer.
I had this like little ritual that I would do, where I would walk up to the top of the mountain in the afternoon and I would lay on the earth and I would take a nap.
And wow, what an incredible feeling to wake up in the afternoon sun completely held by the earth.
Just, oh my gosh, it feels like that just doing that was one of the most like nourishing things for my spirit that i have ever done, and i highly recommend laying on the earth and taking a nap.
It is truly a wonderful experience and um yeah, i'm just like setting my intention that this summer i hope to do that way more.
That was definitely like the best part of my summer last summer was laying on the earth.
So, yeah, I just I'm just excited, you guys.
I'm excited for the future and I'm excited to experience the spring.
And this next season of change, I'm just ready for a change.
This winter was honestly rough.
It was lonely and it was rough.
And I fell in love literally with a random stranger whom I only spoke to once.
That's how lonely I got.
Just like falling in love with random people and um yeah, i'm just, i'm so excited for the spring.
I know i said that, but i am truly.
Anyways, i hope you all are having a really beautiful february and a beautiful valentine's day.
I think i'm gonna spend the rest of the day baking a cake, my favorite cake.
I'll put the recipe in the description.
It's like the best cake in the world.
I'm going to bake it and it's going to be delicious.
And yeah, I'm going to bake a cake today.
Thank you all so much for watching this video.
And yeah, I'll see you all next week.
Okay, bye-bye.
