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Enchored by NCOA. Hi, welcome to Radio Headspace and to Tuesday.
It's Eve here. Thanks so much for being here.
The other day I came across this pretty funny meme on Instagram.
It said, in every relationship, there is one person who packs the dishwasher like a Scandinavian architect and one who stacks it like a drunk raccoon.
So I hope no Scandinavians or raccoons feel offended by this.
And you might also be wondering why on earth is she talking about packing a dishwasher?
Am I listening to the right show?
I can assure you, you are.
So I immediately labeled myself as the Scandinavian architect, much to my husband's disgust, because he too thought he was the Scandinavian architect in this scenario.
But seriously, he's not.
Jokes aside, it got me thinking about how often we judge or label a situation or a person.
This notion that my way is the best way.
I think what's so brilliant about the human condition is that we're all truly unique.
It's so easy to get caught up in the mundane stuff, like packing dishwashers.
But just because my husband doesn't do it my way, it doesn't mean it's wrong.
For those of you who have listened to the show for a while, you'll know I tend to veer towards having a semblance of control.
And when my husband was laughing and saying I was actually the drunk raccoon, I could feel myself getting a little irritated.
Now this is really just a mundane example, but I reflected on my reaction and thought, gosh, if I'm like this about the dishwasher, am I like this in other areas of my life?
When we want something or someone to be different than it is, or they are, we suffer.
Stress, frustration, irritation, impatience arises and it can create a very fixed mindset.
A mind in which we resist, we judge, which means we don't always see the full picture.
And it can mean we're not open to hearing other ideas or trying something new or trusting someone else.
So in meditation, you're encouraged to approach the practice with a beginner's mind.
When you sit to meditate, it can be tempting to remember a previous meditation, hoping that an enjoyable one will be repeated or perhaps fearing that a more challenging one will reappear.
Now this is pretty normal.
As humans, we like to know what's coming or what something will be like.
The trouble is these thoughts, these hopes and wishes can really get in the way of a direct experience because rather than observing the mind as it is, allowing it to naturally unfold, we're busy trying to create an idea of what we would like it to look like.
Not only does this create a lot of resistance, but it also creates a lot of pressure for things to be a certain way.
Approaching the practice with a beginner's mind means sitting down without any preconceived ideas or assumptions, instead being open to what arises with a gentle and kind attitude.
Andy always used to describe a beginner's mind like the curiosity and wonder of a young child.
Kids are not so focused on the outcome.
They're much more interested in simply enjoying and exploring for its own sake.
As we get older and life's responsibilities start to bear down on us, we tend to lose some of that sense of wonder and curiosity.
We can expend so much energy on wanting things to be a certain way that we actually miss what's happening right in front of us.
It can be hard to see new possibilities when we don't allow ourselves to look.
I'm reminded of a Zen koan that says, not knowing is most intimate.
I have to say I struggled with this when I first heard it, but the truth is we actually don't know what's around the corner.
We really don't. And as someone who's had a long journey with anxiety, I sometimes find this notion really scary.
But what do you mean you don't know?
I like to plan, to know what's coming, but when I step back, I often realize that all the stress is coming from me wanting to be in control, to feel like it's unfolding in my way.
I share this with you because I don't think I'm alone.
It's okay to want things to be okay, but the more we resist how things unfold, the more we add to our suffering.
This is a lifelong practice for me.
Truly, it is. I know this about myself.
So when the topic of the dishwasher packing came up as funny as our argument was, it really did make me realize that I too really need to embrace this notion of a beginner's mind.
And this idea is not just reserved for our meditation practice.
In fact, the more we can integrate these skills and practices into our daily lives, the more of our life we will get to experience.
So I have a suggestion, and this is also directed at me as well.
As you go throughout your week, can you look for moments where you can approach a situation or a person with a sense of open curiosity that might involve asking some open -ended questions like, that sounds really interesting.
Can you tell me more about what you're thinking?
Or, wow, I hadn't thought about it like that.
What helped you to come up with this idea?
Questions like this also really help someone to feel heard and that you're interested in what they're saying.
Another example could be with some of the more mundane things we encounter in our lives.
For example, I was stuck in a big traffic jam the other week.
It went on for miles.
And initially I was getting frustrated as I was going to be late for an appointment.
I happened to be on one of the big freeways, motorways here in LA.
And I realized that I had never really appreciated how beautiful the view of the mountains that surround LA are.
So I invite you to connect with your beginner's mind, whether it's in your practice or in your daily life, recognizing that each experience is new.
We're all different human beings.
The mind is different.
The conditions are different.
And so rather than comparing our current experience to our expectation, we're actually present, interested and curious, maybe even excited about new possibilities ahead.
I'll leave it there for today.
Thank you so much for listening and I'll see you back here tomorrow.
