The following episode of The Imperfects mentions suicide.
If this is too much for you right now, then we suggest you skip this one and come back when you're ready.
My name's Josh, I'm a co -host on The Imperfects, the son of Sri Lankan and English immigrants and I call Australia home.
I'd like to recognise the traditional peoples of this continent whose land was stolen nearly 250 years ago.
In particular, we at The Imperfects would like to acknowledge the Wurundjeri people of the Kulin Nation as the traditional owners of the land on which this podcast was recorded And we extend our respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples.
I'm inspired by the world's oldest living culture and we at the Imperfects pay homage to the traditions of story when we share stories on our podcast. We are here for a bonus ep and I love doing bonus eps.
I love an extra time to hang out.
That's nice, isn't it?
Anything in the world that is a bonus is a good thing, really.
I can't think of a bad bonus.
Well, the word bonus in itself, it says it's positive.
It's like you got a bonus shot.
Yeah. Oh, you got a bonus steak?
Never hear that much. So congratulations, sir.
You've got yourself a bonus steak.
I'm pretty full. Well, it's yours.
But we are here for a very, very specific reason.
and Hugh, it has...
Well, for all of us, really in different ways.
But Hugh, particularly for you, it's been a big few weeks since we released the episode where you read out your open letter to parents of neurodivergent people.
And yeah, we just wanted to sort of, I guess, catch up and just maybe reflect on it.
Yeah, I've got a few things I wanna say off the back of it because it's...
I can't believe what's happened.
I think it did take me two months to write it.
I remember in Bridge, you know, I was chatting one day about the possibility of talking about my journey.
Purely, the whole purpose was for...
Well, there were two things.
I was hoping that other parents of neurodivergent kids would feel a little bit less alone, which from the beautiful message I'm getting from people, that has happened.
Um, but I also wanted neuro -typical people to think about, um, why is that could potentially make the world a better place for people with.
Very simply. We're born with different brains and that's what it sort of, but, but it did take, I was so worried about getting the wording wrong.
I didn't want to upset anyone or misspeak.
It's very new to me, this whole space.
So, um, as far as it's not new to me, because I've been living with it for a long time in our house, um, and I, myself as a neuro divergent, um, ADHD person, have been living for 44 years, but speaking about it is new to me so getting the wording right, it took a couple of months, I wrote it and rewrote it and then deleted and start again and got a lot of sort of guidance.
So it took a long time to do it.
And I remember going into the studio on the day and I've never, I've never felt so nervous in my entire life just because I had a feeling a lot of people are going to listen to it.
And as I was reading it, we do this podcast all the time, but every time I sit I don't...
You don't feel like there's a room full of however many public that listen.
I just felt like I'm talking to...
If you think about the conversation.
Yeah. I'm talking to you about the two of you, basically, and having a good chat with you, guys.
But it felt like, as I was reading that, I felt like there are millions and millions of people watching and listening as I was doing it.
Jeez, no pressure. And then there was the pressure of wanting to do a job that my child would have when I, you know, I mean, they're very proud of the autism, I love hearing them speak about it and telling people about it.
But the other thing was I wanted to do a job that they are proud of and they're happy of one day when they look back on it.
But for quite a long time, I thought I wouldn't do anything or say anything here just because it scared me a bit the thought of talking about it and I wasn't sure how you talk about it.
I remember once literally hanging out, I was with Hamish Blake and his trainer, Sam, and he was asking about my parenting journey and I was telling him, and then Hamish said, This will be your most important work if you want it to be.
If you want to talk about this one day, I think this will be your most important work.
That's the first time the thought came into my head that maybe I could say something that might, but I didn't know what I know how.
That was probably about halfway through last year.
And then there were just so many examples of guests that came on and, and shared their story that just made me think, no, I can definitely do this.
And then the way you guys are both of you and then everyone behind the curtain behind the I mean, literally the people who are in this room, but are behind the curtain, George Bellenbridge, I just thought, no, no, I can do this.
And then with chatting it through with Penny, most importantly, my wife, who is just so.
Yeah, I mean, we're on the same page with that.
So from that point on, it was always going to happen.
I thought for today there's a few people I want to thank, different groups of people who have got in touch and I want to thank them, but also share some messages to give examples of that if that's okay.
And I also want to share what we didn't put in the episode, which we deliberated on for a little bit, was after I said everything I said, I continued to cry for quite some time.
So we had to stop. I think most parents who have kids in a similar situation know that you don't get a lot of time to cry about it, because you're moving on to the next challenge or the next thing's really good.
You really want to be in that moment with them and with the whole family.
When things are tough, you don't really have a chance to cry.
So for as long as this person has been alive.
For, um. I haven't really cried.
I remember receiving the diagnosis and my first thing was, okay, that's fine.
We're going to do anything we can to support and be there.
And I didn't cry then.
and something about reading that letter.
I felt like I cried many, many years worth of tears in that one, and then it was like half an hour afterwards where my hands were shaking and I was kind of shaking.
And then we attempted to have a conversation after it.
And I got on air. Yeah, we tried.
The plan was to round out the episode with our reflections on it, but it just felt too big of a thing to ask you guys to jump into with me.
It was just something I've been building up for a long time.
I couldn't look at both of you, I just couldn't look at anyone.
I just wanted to start reading.
But there was a part of that conversation, Josh, you said something that was so deeply moving and so important for me to hear.
And so I'm going to share that as well at the end of this episode.
Because I do want to share that.
And Ryan, you said great stuff as well.
No, we're not going to play that, though, are we?
You give me another chance now, I I reckon I could say something pretty.
Of course. I've been writing a script.
I've written an open letter to you guys.
So, there's a few different groups of people I wanna thank here and I wanna share a couple of messages that I've got.
I have quite literally thousands and thousands.
I think it's well over 3 ,500 messages to get back to and I am gonna get back to them all.
I realize what I'm saying here is gonna take some time but I'm voice noting at the moment cause that's the quickest way to do it.
So, apologies to people it'll take some time but the stories people are sharing You've been incredible.
The first group of people I want to thank is the autistic community who have just been sending me the most amazing messages, that I don't know.
I wanted to choose one that really stood out to me and I couldn't, they were all brilliant.
But I'm just going to read this one, this beautiful message from Chris, who obviously anyone whose messages I'm reading here I've had their permission to share.
Some are anonymous, but Chris said, go for it.
So just a short message.
Hi, my name is Chris.
I'm a 17 year old autistic kid.
My dad says I'm not just a kid, I'm a whizz kid though.
My mum and I listened to your letter together and she hugged me for the whole letter.
It was a very long hug because it was a very long letter.
But that was a good thing.
She cried a lot, I didn't cry at all.
But only because I knew mum was crying in a good way.
I want you to know that mum is my best friend now.
We love catching a train everywhere together.
My dad is great, but just so you know, your kids will probably be best friends with your mum when they're older.
But definitely don't get offended because when they read your letter, they will know how much you love them.
I'm Chris. A whiz kid.
Thank you, Chris. It's an awesome beauty.
So many wonderful messages.
I mean, I could do a whole episode reading out these beautiful messages from this incredible community.
I want to thank the parents who, there was a lot of parents in similar situations who shared, there was feelings of hope, and there was stories of hope, other parents who shared the pain.
I just want to read this one here, which probably speaks more to how hard it is.
Dear Hugh, I've been a social worker for 35 years.
I'm pretty good at supporting people in trauma.
But in my own despair about the lack of understanding and the desperate attempts to get support for our daughter prior to her diagnosis of autism, I have felt lonelier and more isolated than I ever have before.
Until your open letter, the pain of this experience has trumped major loss of family members, periods of uncertainty in life, worries about finances, relationship breakdowns, nothing has come close.
There have been times when I have wanted to scream that I'm fighting for my girl's life, why doesn't anyone understand?
And yet at the same time, I've felt unable to explain this adequately.
Maella is now 22, she finally received her diagnosis of autism and ADHD when she was 19 after four years of misdiagnosis.
A fortune in psychiatry bills, addiction and hours and hours of bone -chilling meltdowns where she would break things, hurt herself, and only want me in the room with her.
Since this time she has been insatiable about learning about her neurodiversity and seldom has a meltdown, manages social situations with more insight, and proudly explains who she is and how she sees the world to anyone who will listen.
It is not all a bed of roses and she is on NDIS, DSP and ongoing medical and psychological therapy, mostly to manage the trauma of the years she spent trying to get help.
My prayer is that as the world changes to understand neurodiversity more there will be fewer and fewer people who go through what she went through and schools and families and the world will become a safer space for them.
So thank you so much for your acknowledgement, it meant a lot.
I'll write about her story one day.
For now it remains a blur of pain, experienced in full daylight and yet not seen by family, friends, colleagues or health care professionals.
May this change for others.
Much love, associate professor, Kari Lethberg.
This one here, just a beautiful message of hope, and just a quick one, but I love this.
Hey Hugh, I just listened to your letter.
I just wanted to reach out and say, I remember the grief I was in those early years of navigating the hurricane of autism, the meltdowns, the sensory overload, the 3 a .m. starts.
The future seemed like a nightmare.
I remember the pain you are feeling.
My beautiful son will is now 17.
He cooked dinner for us most nights loves following recipe cards.
He has learned to self -regulate.
He goes into his room each night for a stim which is like a thing that autistic people will do to settle themselves while listening to his favorite music.
He has a gorgeous girlfriend.
He keeps our whole household running on time and catch public transport anywhere independently.
He's kind and gorgeous to be around.
It gets easier. I promise.
The future is bright." Alexis, which was just one of my faves.
Because it's not a surprise at all that you've got so many messages, and particularly messages from people in the neurodiverse community.
When you're rating these messages, how are you feeling?
The biggest feelings I've ever felt.
Like I've never felt this, I've never felt anything like this before.
What is it? It depends on the message, like...
That one is right there, it just makes me cry so much, because I just...
I have so much fear for the future, but I hear that and...
gosh, I can't wait to have my child cook for me.
So, that's what it's all about.
We finally got to the core of it.
The Subaru is getting too expensive.
I had this one I want to share very quickly from a guy called Josh Hanau who is the assistant coach of the Queensland State of Origin team.
I play a lot of rugby league himself.
I know him really well through my work with Queensland.
We spent a lot of time together in the state of origin bubble on.
I had no idea. Um, we were going through the same thing, so we didn't talk about it, but, um, he said, but it's incredibly powerful when someone bears their soul as you have to many people say vulnerability is weakness.
It's a bloody super power.
My wife reminds me of the time our boy was having an episode on a flight.
My wife still vividly remembers how harrowing it felt for her and how helpless she felt for our boy.
And when the plane finally landed and our boy could escape the plane and an elderly woman said to my wife, you need to nip that in the bud.
Or he distraught those words and the lack of empathy, crushed my wife, keep up the good work, mate.
Um, that, I mean, that's what I was talking about.
That's the exact thing.
I mean, you just, I remember what it was like to be on a flight before we had kids.
And if there's someone crying nearby, I was like, you're kidding me.
Um, but now I just, uh there's so much more going on that we don't understand.
With kids, we don't know if it looks like they're behaving badly, there's a chance they have, there's also a chance that they are neurodivergent and they're in a world of pain and that you would never even imagine.
So we just have to be kind to those who are trying to support them.
What does that look like?
Because I find that.
Yeah I can like. Like this morning I was walking my kids to childcare and I saw some parents trying to get their child out of the house and into the car.
And from what I mean, I'm making a judgment call here.
But it seemed to me exhibiting behaviors that I've seen in autistic children.
Yeah. Um, and they looked, there was two parents trying to get this child into the car to go to primary school or childcare or whatever they're going.
And I was like walking and I wanted, I was trying to think of what is the most empathetic thing I can do here?
And so I was trying so hard to get their eyes to smile at them.
And just as I got past the uh mum, I just said like a, like a really friendly good morning, um, and then like a least judgmental I could be and just the friendliest possible.
But then I wondered, did I overdo it?
And was I just like too bright and I was like, what the fuck was that?
This strange man smiling at me from 20 metres away and telling me how good the morning is.
Doesn't he see how much I'm struggling?
Yeah. No, I think we did great.
The first thing to say is that every situation and child and parent is different, so it's very hard to answer that with the easier step by step guide on how to deal with that situation.
But I think provided your first thought is I'm gonna approach this with care and empathy.
That's like, that's the energy and the mindset you take into that situation.
I think about our lowest ever moment was outside the MCG.
We tried to go to a game of football because I really wanted to.
And then we had to leave. There's a huge meltdown in the stands, which included, it was a awful.
And so it was very difficult got them out of the ground.
and managed to get the other sibling away through, getting Penny to drive in to pick them up, and I couldn't get our child to move from the ground just outside the stadium.
This happened before a quarter time, and we were still there two hours later when the crowd was leaving after the game because they wouldn't move and we were having the biggest meltdown.
And I would say it was nearly a full house at the MCG.
Maybe 30 ,000 people walked past us while this was happening.
Maybe 20 ,000 walked past in the space of an hour after the game and the looks and the, the, um, people laughing, people, um, people laughing.
Yeah, I just think it's just a child on the ground going absolutely berserk and people would put, because it was, I think also maybe it's like, they don't know what to do.
Yeah. I think people laugh in defense in defense right.
In a reaction of like, yeah.
Cause they don't know what to do and laughter is there, but don't think about what that will look like too.
But the shame that the child feels, because they see all the looks and they know that it's like a what's going on there And the shame buries them deeper in that meltdown as far in our experience this is And so I would say if you don't feel confident engaging with the parent at that moment, just like literally look the other way as you walk past so you don't, so the child doesn't think you're looking at them It's almost like, just pretend it's not happening Yeah, but look if you don't have...
Yep, and if you feel comfortable enough...
I actually had a message from a guy who said, you won't remember this.
This is after the episode came and he said, hi mate, you won't remember this but I'm pretty sure I saw you with your child outside the MCG once in a pretty full on moment.
I don't remember, I tried to do a really kind smile, but I hope it didn't look patronising.
But I remembered it, it was, he did like, the only way I can describe it, was like he did no lips, like he made his lips disappear.
You know people go like that.
Like he was like a very, he did no lips at me and I got what no lips meant.
I actually, but we had hundreds of people judging me and judging my child, but I remember another guy patted me on the back just as like, cause I was bending down.
I was sort of like yeah, I was bending down in front of my child trying to calm them and a guy patted me on the back and gave me a thumbs up.
That was unbelievable.
They're just you can say, you can smile at them creepily like you do Josh, but someone patting my back and give me a thumbs up.
You could just say, like, you're doing a great job.
Like, I understand the fear is like, you don't want to come across like you're being sarcastic.
But I think if you just genuinely, if you see a parent dealing with a meltdown, you can just say you're doing a really great job.
Give them a thumbs up.
I just think that, that would mean the world to me.
I mean, if somebody had to I'd just burst into tears as well, then we'd have to, two People not coping but...
This is maybe a stupid question.
What about offering to help?
Because I know that...
Because the answer will be no, but that sentiment is huge.
Is there anything I can do to help?
That would be noticed.
I would feel more comfortable...
I would feel strange going up to Australia and say, you're doing a good job because I would feel like that that would feel patronizing.
I don't know how I could say that.
Maybe maybe there'd be a moment where it didn't.
But I think saying, Is there anything I can do to help?
I feel like that feels more like something that I would feel comfortable saying.
And so if that feels...
I would try and do it in a way where the child isn't totally, I feel like they might, the child might get a bit upset about that, potentially just being like, no, actually no, it depends on the child.
I can't say any certainty, but yeah, can I help at all?
I think just a quick can I help at all would be huge.
The other one I reached out to, the other group I reached out to are siblings.
One really heartbreaking one that just completely broke me, the other one was really beautiful.
I'll start with a really beautiful one.
Hi Hugh, just wanted to thank you for acknowledging the impact on siblings who grow up with a brother or sister who has autism so often we're overlooked when the family experience is considered and I wish there was more support for siblings.
Growing up I felt terribly alone, confused and at times angry in my family dynamics.
Now at 38 and working as an occupational therapist at Peninsula Health, I can see how much of my self identity he was shaped by my brother.
He helped me find my purpose.
He taught me gratitude, patience, and compassion.
He described your lived experience and that of many others so well.
Thank you from Nicky, which was great.
I just wanna share this one because it was very, yeah, I mean, it was a heartbreaking story, but it's real, this is so real for so many people.
Hi Hugh, I wanted to say thank you for sharing your vulnerability.
I'm not sure why, but I felt some comfort hearing you share and maybe it's because my family has been seeking understanding for so many years.
I'm so glad you're equipped with the information of knowing your child has autism.
And as a society, we are learning to understand and have a more supportive and open mind.
My brother suffered for many, many years.
And I did not know that he had autism until I read his coroner's report, where it was noted in his medical history.
Charles died by suicide last July.
We had such little understanding of him.
My brother was kind, sensitive, struggled to fit in, was highly intelligent and loved music.
I miss him every day.
The rate of suicide for people on the spectrum is much higher which I don't think will surprise anyone than neurotypical people.
But I do want to finish on a really, really positive one because I heard from so many neurotypical people and parents, or as your friend Ryan refers to them.
Tipos. Friend of mine who is neurodivergent, he refers to neurotypical people as tipos.
When I heard that, I didn't want to be a tipo.
Anyway, I was flooded with messages from tipos who basically had really heartwarming ideas about things they could do in their community to help people, autistic people or ADHD people to feel like the world is a kind of place.
And in fact Maddy who works here at the Resilience Project, came up to me yesterday and said I've got to show that she said completely separate of me, nothing to do with me at all on our school WhatsApp group, they have a whole school WhatsApp group, first of all, which is for any parents out there.
That's like a whole school?
Yes, we have a class WhatsApp group.
How many people are in that?
It's like, this is for the parents of you, about 30 parents or whatever.
And the new school we're at, it's like a very G they're responsible with the way they use it.
They don't ever use it.
I have been to school before where it's like, hey everyone what's everyone up to today?
I had, I had cereal this morning for breakfast. Hands up if you're still in the group.
Anyway, so Maddie says to me.
One of the parents had shared in the WhatsApp group a video link of our of the letter that I read and said hey everyone I really think it would be good of us all to watch this and to have a think about how we can support kids around the spectrum in the school and also the parents and one of the comments he said hey just reading some of the comments on this podcast in other forums and a recurring one is about neurodivergent kids being left out of birthday parties one parent was saying that their child was only invited once to a party during their whole primary schooling that's why I think it's
a great idea to support slash attend whole class get togethers where possible and if you have capacity, whole class birthday parties, even into the older grades.
My son had a whole class party in grade five at the swimming pool and was moved when a parent mentioned it was one of only a few parties their child had been invited to.
Most of us wouldn't realise some kids are constantly missing out and that causes heartache.
Larger parties don't have to be expensive.
Kids are happy with a park or a pool, the bigger the better are found.
Of course this is in addition to being inclusive with smaller parties and in other ways as well.
Sorry for long message.
Parent two. Just to add to this not being included isn't an unusual occurrence for our neurodivergent children.
It happens all the time and in my experience increases as they get older.
Many have challenges with anxiety and will decline invites.
But the invite itself was the part that was noted and it was inclusive.
It means the world to them.
I could go on and on, but just to say every parent or of every neurodivergent child or teen I know has experienced this and has had to sit with this pain.
It makes you hurt so much because you know your child is wonderful and not being included by peers slash by school slash by family isn't something you can control.
Increasing understanding by talking to each other and by talking to all children about differences from an early age is where I think we can make change happen.
That's just one school Whatsapp group happening that I just managed to hear.
But to hear that parents out there, Tippos, Tippo parents are talking about how they can include everyone at the school, I can't believe it.
I cannot believe it.
It just makes me so incredibly happy.
We're lucky that a child goes to a school where they are all over the stuff already but it's just hearing parents talk about inclusivity like this is, it's really beautiful and I'm feeling emotions, I've never felt my life but I feel like just so much love, I'm exploding in love at the moment for this, for my child and for any month's child, is in a similar situation.
It's amazing, beautiful.
Can we share, would it be ok if we share now the, just because, yeah.
It was a really, I was aware as I was doing it.
I didn't look up at all from, I just couldn't look up from my letters as I was reading it.
And then when I watched it back before we posted it, I saw Josh, you were in tears.
There was a tear rolling down your face and I hadn't thought to say to you, just a warning this is gonna be really raw.
I think I could tell by your body language that this is gonna be big.
But as I said before, we did have a chat and I just wanted to play this little grab of what you said afterwards.
In that tear that rolled down Josh's cheek we have kept that and we're gonna auction that off at the end of the year.
So that tear is preserved.
Josh's tear. Patreon members can bid on the tear.
Sorry Hugh. If you drink it, you'll instantly think of good questions to ask.
It's pretty disgusting.
But that's a special elixir.
Anyway, if we could play that.
This is after about 15 minutes into the post letter chat that we had.
Well, firstly, more than anything, that was beautiful.
I knew you wanted to talk about this for a while and I was very nervous for you.
But I am so proud, I'm proud to be a brother and like Brian was saying, how much he loves you and I love you and I love your children so much. And so to do them justice the way you just did is pretty incredible because as the judgement thing of people judging you when you're out at dealing with an impossible situation.
I just, to have the emphasis put on the world around them rather than what is so often the case and I think would be in your mind that other people put the blame on this poor child.
The way you wrote that, and read it, it was just so beautiful to to give your children the respect that they deserve for who they are.
I find it very hard to...
I don't want to make this about me at all, so I hope it's not.
I hope this one I'm about to say isn't.
But I find it very hard to not feel like I am inadequate in the face of what you're dealing with and that I'm not a good enough brother in that space.
But I don't really know what to do, to help.
If it makes you feel better, I don't know what to do most of the time.
So, like, I don't know how you're meant to know.
Yeah. And that's why I've never once felt that so… Good.
I'm glad. But, you mentioned the time that they came in here and it was one of the worst days you've had as a family.
and we were able to help it was being able to help and feel like we could have made it a little bit better.
It was one of the best days I've ever had.
So being able to be and help in any way to make their life better, as well as yours and your family's life better is, I just wish I could do it more, yeah.
Like, I think we're in the same, I don't think we need to say anything, I have to do that too, I think at the end.
I'd just do two things, I'd also, I agree with you, but I just, thinking about saying how, hearing you say how much you love my kids was, I can't know you do, but it was just, was really beautiful.
And I think when I'm out there who has a sibling who is parenting neuro division kids telling them that you love their kids I think is a really powerful thing to do, even though they know that you do, it's just nice to say it.
It's nice to hear it.
And since that episode, you're already doing incredible stuff with them but they were at your place on the weekend and spent a whole day there, and it was, they had the best time.
as did our kids. It was awesome.
It was such a good day.
Perfect, so more of that, please.
So incredible. I've gotten so many messages myself as well, like just from friends who wanted, they probably felt like there are so many messages coming at you and the show that they've sent it to me to say that, can you please pass this on to Hugh?
But I just wanted to set some expectations And just acknowledge the fact that you have time blindness, Hugh.
So we know this, we did an episode about your ADHD and in that you talked about the fact that you have time -blindness.
And in the beautiful video, like a selfie video that you record and put on Instagram, and you said it earlier in this episode as well, that you will get back to everyone.
And that is incredible.
That's so, so nice.
Actually, I think, George, if we got that clip just to remind people what you said.
I just got back on social media and saw there's quite literally thousands and thousands of messages of love and support and people also sharing their journey with a similar thing.
Some of the stories were both heartbreaking and heartwarming in the same breath.
And I'm aware of what I'm saying here, but I am going to get back to everyone.
It just might take a little bit of time.
Great. It's amazing.
getting back to everyone is like a huge, huge, huge task.
And I know - How big a task?
Well, I just thought we'd run through some maths.
Because I know, I have a little bit of a sense of your brain, Hugh, because Jam my partner also has ADHD and she also has time blindness.
And so a tip that I learned from someone, some ADHD meme channel or something said like, you know, when I say to Jam, so if I say to her, And if I say to Jam, hey we got to leave in 10 minutes and she'll say great, I've just got to wash my hair.
And I'd be like really?
You know, wash your hair if we're leaving in 10 minutes?
She's like yeah easy, not a problem.
And she believes that it's easy.
Yeah, I believe it too.
Anyway, so I… Get a coffee as well.
I'm sure. And so I just thought it would be helpful not just for you but also for the people who have messaged you… Expecting a response.
Well it's expecting a response because you've told them that you'll respond.
So let's lay this out okay, and explain what you are up against here.
This is what you're facing.
Yeah. So we have received, so you said how many how many messages do you think?
Up to about 3 ,500. So that's just on your Instagram.
Yeah, great. So and there's Whatsapp and personal message of friends, I haven't included that and which might be like a couple of hundred of Whatsapp.
So all you haven't counted are the messages that have come through on the Imperfect's Instagram.
Yeah, all right, so there's thousands of those.
And then there's the resilience project Facebook.
Oh yeah, I didn't think about that.
Yeah, there's the resilience project LinkedIn, believe it or not, they get messages.
I know we had run, but good.
Imperfect's emails, the resilience project emails, the Imperfect's Patreon.
A bunch of them on there too, Imperfect's YouTube comments and the Imperfect's TikTok, which I know you're all over.
So that's also, I think there's about 800 on that.
So sort of all up, we're gonna conservatively say there's 8 ,000.
So, and you've said everyone, and it's so generous you, so generous, so I was trying to think like how long, like how long is this gonna actually take?
Because I think this is important to lay it out for your time blindness brain, so I was thinking like on average, like some are really long, some are really short.
Let's say on average, you're going to maybe spend three to four minutes replying to each one if you're doing voice notes.
So in my head already, our maths are very different.
In my head, it's probably 10 seconds per person.
To read it and reply?
Yeah, but if I'm saying that out loud, yeah, that's probably not gonna work.
It's unlikely, isn't it?
Because the messages you read today, probably went for about two to three minutes even just reading it.
And then you gotta think of what the reply is going to be.
Yeah. And then respond.
So they won't all be that long obviously.
So I've I've sort of accounted for conservatively I've accounted and then it's like moving to the next message and stuff.
So I've sort of thought five minutes all up.
Not finding the password for LinkedIn.
You have to dance for every TikTok reply.
You have to dance while you're doing it.
You don't. You don't but that even still it's still gonna take, I think I'm going to say average five minutes, OK?
So, that's 40 ,000 minutes, 8 ,000 times five minutes.
So in my head I'm like… And this is also, remember, conservatively 8 ,000 and conservatively five minutes.
OK. Yeah. So what does that look like?
Practically speaking?
It's hard to picture 8 ,000 minutes.
It is. 40 ,000 minutes.
40 ,000 minutes. What even is that?
It's such an abstract number.
It's 666 .7 hours, which is, if you're thinking like workdays, right, because I know you love a nine to five.
So if you're thinking about a workday being nine to five, eight hour workday, give yourself an hour of lunch. But if in the other seven hours, I'm just replying five minutes each and not stopping for anything, no other meetings, no other texts, nothing.
If you do that for the five day work, If we have the weekends off, like, relax a bit, so you're kids, then we are looking at about 19 work weeks.
That's if you do it Monday to Friday, for seven hours each day.
So that's that six months.
That's like basically a half year of work.
Yeah, basically. And then so I thought like, Okay, well, that's ridiculous.
There's no way you can do that.
There's, that's impossible.
Can I also just for something you haven't accounted for, is people's responses and new messages coming through from there.
We can't even take that into consideration yet because we need to deal with this 8 ,000 first. It's going to take six months of Monday to Friday 9 to 5.
Basically, a little bit less but yeah basically.
So then I thought like well okay that's just ridiculous let's think realistically here.
Let's say like you might need one of those days off because you might be looking after the kids so you can't actually work that day.
Yeah. So let's say that for four days a week, you spend two hours a day.
Yeah, that's pretty realistic.
You could probably do that.
That is actually what happened because I've got like...
Yeah, you got other things.
And a resilience project.
So yeah, I've probably got a spare...
What did you say there?
Two hours a day for four days a week.
Well, I don't have that spare.
Well, let's just, because I've got the numbers here, let's just even see what that would look like.
OK, yeah. Okay. So if you did that, you dedicated two hours a day, four hours a week, replying to these incredible messages, which we've promised, so that's going to be 83 weeks, which is a year and a half.
That's a year and a half.
And we're talking conservatively here.
And then I was thinking, I was like, okay, well a year and a half of work.
I mean, that's a long time, but also then I was like, God five minutes?
Is that even realistic?
Like some of these, you have to really spend some time replying to and there's gonna be a lot of long messages, and also throughout that year and a half, you're going to get all these new messages that Josh mentioned before.
So let's actually bump up the per -message reply to 10 minutes.
That's probably a more realistic thing, would you say?
Yeah, I know I've got two hours spare in the week to do this, so.
Okay, so then we can multiply the total figure by four.
Two hours per week?
Yeah. Oh, I'm going to need to speak to AI again because that changes everything.
I mean, that's really, you're doing it to the end of time if you're doing that.
I think you just multiply your final figure by four.
Yeah you do. Okay, yeah, let's find out what that is.
So 10 minutes per 8 ,000 measures, obviously 80 ,000 minutes.
What does that look like?
Two hours per I'm doing this four work days.
Two hours a day. Two hours a day.
This is bad news for my athletics career.
It's three years. I'm sorry, he does it with the actual time.
he's got. It's 12 years.
In 12 years' time, you will have got through the current messages.
So that's assuming we get no more messages, at all.
And you stick to the routine.
And you stick to the routine two hours a week.
12 years. What do you think about that here?
Yeah. Still got time to wash your hair?
Ok. I mean, I don't mean that, I don't say that to make it seem like you knock it.
Because you obviously will because you promised everyone that you will get back to a break.
I've got back to a 100 so far, so that maybe knocks not much time off.
No, well not yet. But that's, this is the pace that you're gonna have to be going at.
I think that's really good.
But you actually can't take the foot off the accelerator.
Ever. I'll be 56 years old.
Yep. Yeah and still reply, I mean who knows what new things new platforms will have popped up by then as well in 12 years time.
I'll be in people's lounge room.
Like there's a hologram having a cup of tea with them.
Yeah, that'll take a long time.
I know I'm gonna have to do it.
It'll be a hologram.
Let's have a Plan B.
Let's think of another option if the hologram tech doesn't really reach what we're hoping it will reach. I really just say all that to give everyone who's written in the message, a bit of perspective as to what you're up against here.
I'm going to say now.
Don't think I might get one in 10 years or 12 years.
Cause I think I might better get back to everyone, then.
I think I understand.
You'll get back to as many as you can.
You're gonna do your best. You're gonna do your absolute best. My ADHD has now gone to a thing of complete overwhelm and I don't want to start now.
No, no, but I think you needed, we needed to have this chart and I appreciate it.
I do it out of care.
I do it out of absolute care.
Because otherwise, you're promising people a response and they're waiting, they're refreshing, they're like scrolling down, refresh, refresh, refresh.
Where's that message from you?
You promised me. As Fred Durst from Limp Bizkit once said.
Did it all for the nookie.
That's really a weird turn.
My mouth is writing checks at my bottom.
Well, he said ask, but no. My ask can't...
Cash. Cash, maybe. I'm sure that's the best quote we could have find throughout the history of quotes.
I think that'll satiate everyone's want to hear from you.
Just boxing that out to everyone.
Little spotify link.
Okay, well, thank you for that.
That's very helpful.
Good luck. Basically you could get back to all the free and paid Patreon members.
I will get back to all the Patreon members because it's a very personal experience in there.
But maybe we'll post this video on Instagram.
So instead of a response, here's an excuse.
But I think it's important - Yeah, well, I think it's important for people to understand.
Yeah, unless they're happy to wait 12 years.
Well, if you're happy to go for 12 years, I'm not.
Yeah. What a turnaround.
Flashback half an hour.
Thank you a sincere thank you to everyone who has written the messages.
I have never experienced anything like it and your love and support means everything and it is shared across the entire community of people living in this world.
So yeah, thank you.
Well we love you and we're very proud of you.
Thank you. I love you.
Love you guys too. Enjoyed this week's episode but want a little more?
Then you might want to know that we have a brand new show called A Little More Imperfects over on Patreon.
For a little bit of money, you'll get access to bonus episodes with the three of us every fortnight.
Early access to live events, plus other things that we haven't thought of yet, but when we do think of them, you'll get them.
visit patreon .com forward slash the imperfects.
The imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment.
The advice given in this episode is general in nature but if you're struggling please see a healthcare professional or call Lifeline on 13 11 14
