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You're listening to Luke's English Podcast. For more information, visit teacherluke .co .uk.
Okay. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the stage for the live podcast recording.
Luke Thompson! Hello, hello, hello, hello.
Actually, I feel like I should start with a jingle again.
It's not that every single time I speak that I start with my jingle.
That's not the way it is.
It's not like I arrive at work on Monday morning and start a conversation with someone.
Hi Luke, how are you doing today?
How was your weekend?
You're having a conversation with Luke from Luke's English Podcast. For more information, visit teacherluke .co .uk.
Welcome to my life.
So, hello. Now, I'm recording an episode of Luke's English Podcast right now.
It's actually happening.
And I can't stop now.
I can't stop and restart.
This is it. It's actually happening.
this is it's the recording and we're rolling so i have to just keep going and here comes some more people um so yeah this is being being recorded so i have to say hello to everyone in podcast land hello to everyone in podcast land i hope you're doing well out there in podcast land wherever you are whatever it is you're doing uh whatever time of day it is you know whatever sort of body position you're in at this point maybe you're sitting down comfortably in a nice armchair if that is the case good for you so welcome to the podcast all the people in podcast land this is this is being recorded live
i mean all episodes are recorded live it's just in this case there's there's a bunch of people in the room staring at me thinking they're all thinking why oh dear did we make the right decision because upstairs everyone had to make a decision because we did the stand -up show and then it was It's like, okay, what should we do?
And I think probably some people were conferring with their significant others, like, what should we do?
Should we stay? Should we stay for the podcast?
Yeah, I'd quite like to stay for the podcast. Okay, well, fine.
We'll stay for the fucking podcast. It better be good.
If it's not good, I will hold you personally responsible and you will have to pay me back somehow by buying me a nice comfortable armchair with sides on the top.
so have hello everyone in the room hello see here they hear that everyone in podcast land it's real so we've got people from so uh where where are you all from uh guys over here are you paris paris paris paris china china which and you're living in paris okay what brought you to paris my husband's here he brought you to paris i brought him i studied here and i want to go go back to paris you studied here you found him and you're like i want to keep this man so you've met in china yeah i'm keeping him and i'm putting time and yeah no i started here i went back to china and then i want to go back to
paris and then he followed me so this guy's my ticket back to paris he's not he's british they don't like paris no no you're from brittany So how come you live in Paris even though you're from Brittany?
I have to work. You have to work.
I know. It's terrible, isn't it?
It really is. Hello over there.
I talked to you earlier on.
Very nice to meet you.
You took a photo of me.
That's fine. Yes, that's great.
I do claim copyright over that photograph.
Just to let you know, I have intellectual property rights to the photograph.
I'll be giving you a letter from my lawyer later on.
I'm joking, of course.
Hello, a person in a hat, man in a hat.
Yes, on a hot day. Yeah, okay.
How are you doing? I'm pretty good.
Yeah? Okay. What's your story?
Where are you from?
I'm Polish, but I live in Lille.
So it's not France.
You're Polish, but you live in Lille in the north of France.
Okay. All right. Great.
Okay. What are you doing in Lille?
Lille? I'm a teacher.
Oh, yeah. Really? What, English teacher?
No. I wouldn't do that.
English teacher? No. Don't be ridiculous, Luke.
What kind of teacher?
Ooh, philosophy teacher.
Whoa, awesome. Hello, are you a couple?
Great. So who's the podcast listener and who's the other one?
You dragged her along to this thing.
oh, we've got to go and see this guy that he keeps talking about, that he listens to all the time, maybe a bit too much. Yeah, are you French, both of you?
Yes, we are. Okay, alright, good, how's that going?
Not so bad. You talk to the philosopher over here about that.
A pizza has arrived, yay, round of applause.
Round of applause for the pizza, I dropped my notes.
No one clap for the pizza, what's the matter with you people?
Come on, the pizza arrives, you have to clap for it, that's it.
And I'll substitute with a sound effect.
That's alright. This is great.
I've got a captive audience.
This is nice. I like it.
Do I want a piece of pizza?
Well, you know, that's very kind of you.
What was your name again?
Asa. Asa. That's very kind of you to offer me a piece of pizza.
I love pizza, but I can't eat pizza and podcast at the same time.
It's a good thing I've got this on, isn't it?
I can't eat pizza and podcast at the same time.
That's why we wear...
Sorry? That would be the dream.
Yes, to eat pizza and podcast at the same time.
Maybe I need to get an operation so I can do that.
So my mouth can only be for talking and then I just inject the pizza directly in.
What a strange idea.
Oh God, I've lost it.
See, this is on here to protect from...
Who are the phoneticians in the room?
Yes, I knew there was one.
So what's this for?
The most dramatic of the phonemes.
The plosives. That's why you have the soft cover on the microphone.
I'd love to have some pizza, but I can't.
Because I've had complaints.
I've had complaints.
Like, I like Luke's English podcast. He's very useful when he actually teaches English and not just talks nonsense.
He's very useful. But I don't like it when he eats pizza.
while podcasting especially when he doesn't have a cover on the microphone and he says pizza and the microphone explodes so i've got a captive audience for this episode which is wonderful a captive audience which basically means like you you can't leave you know you have to stay you have to stay you know that's like unlike on unlike on youtube where people just like i'm gonna watch something else now no here you could leave but you would have to make an awkward walk of shame towards the stairs you know so my next thing on my notes it just says just keep talking that's literally the next thing
on my notes there which is like rule number one for Luke's English podcast just keep the words coming just keep the English flowing at all times so this is a live rambling episode ladies and gentlemen a live rambling episode which pretty much describes most of my social interactions to be honest just another oh god he's doing it again he's having a he's having another episode a live rambling episode q a from the audience it says here he said i mean i was like shall i write this q and a from the audience because i i've got a feeling with this in this heat i'll blame the heat in this heat in these
conditions at this time of night no one's gonna everyone's gonna like uh questions i don't know does anyone have some and water.
That would be the question.
Does anyone have any questions?
I'll let you think about that, right?
Meanwhile, while you're thinking about that, if there are any questions, like, maybe now is the time to ask Luke about modal conditional verb forms. I'm going to tell you about this hobby that I've come up with, right?
My new hobby. Do Do you want to hear about my new hobby?
Yes, Luke. Great. Okay, so my new hobby is that I like to use chat GPT to do something very specific.
Some of you are like, hmm, chat GPT.
I don't think so. Some people don't like it.
But I've been using chat GPT to do something very specific.
And I'm now confused because I've lost all my notes.
They're all jumbled up in order.
this is so much easier on a computer.
Okay, okay, I think it's all right.
So, my new hobby is to use ChatGPT in a very specific way to create dramatic Hollywood screenplays for situations in my life.
You can do it too, folks, okay?
So, yesterday, I asked it to do this.
So, you know, I've been having quite a stressful week, everyone, teaching an intensive general general English course at the British Council.
Okay. Yes. Make sure that fly.
What's your name? What's your name?
What's your name? Nicholas is like, this is very interesting, but I have to make sure that this little fly does not land on this beer.
I don't mind. It's fine.
It's fine. So I asked chat GPT.
So I've been like, you know, teaching this intensive general English course that, you know, it's a lot of work, a lot of teaching, a lot of admin as well, you know and it's like a bit stressful I've also been trying to think about this evening as well so I yesterday for fun I asked chat GPT to do this I wrote to this I wrote this I said can you write a dramatic Hollywood screenplay about Luke from Luke's English podcast for a live podcast recording in Paris but he can't quite get ready because his boss at the British Council keeps asking him to do student reports and other things like that make
it very dramatic with perhaps some action elements commandments.
Now, do you want to know what it wrote?
Of course. Great. So here's what it wrote.
Now I've added a few details myself.
Okay. I've adapted it slightly.
So I'll let you decide which details I added to the screenplay and which things are chat GPT.
Okay. So here we go.
Meanwhile, you're thinking of like questions that you might want to ask me.
We're like, Luke, why would we we ask you questions when you tell us everything.
So, fade in. So, no, title, the last lesson from Universal Pictures.
Da -da -da, da -da -da, da -da -da, da -da -da, da -da -da, da -da -da, da -da -da, da -da -da, da -da -da.
Okay, fade in. External, London skyline, daytime.
A bustling cityscape.
The camera zooms in on a red double -decker bus weaving through traffic.
Internal, bus, daytime.
Luke Thompson, 40s, charismatic and determined.
I swear to God that was chat GPT, okay?
I swear, I swear to God.
Luke Thompson thought he's charismatic and determined is seated listening to a podcast on his headphones he checks his watch anxiously narrator Luke Thompson a man of many talents this is going to be narrated by Liam Neeson Luke Thompson a man of many talents is caught in a struggle between his love for teaching at the British Council and his passion for podcasting internal British Council office daytime time.
Luke enters a modern office.
It's not realistic.
If you've been to the British Council, chat GPT's never been to the British Council.
Luke enters a modern office greeted by a bustling environment of teachers and staff.
He sits at his desk, opens his laptop and begins typing furiously, which means typing fast. It's not like fucking hell.
It doesn't mean typing furiously like that.
it's just like typing quickly.
Boss, Mr. Gray, 50s, stern.
Stern means like serious, authority figure, strict.
Mr. Gray says, Luke, I need those student reports on my desk by noon.
The home office is breathing right down my neck on this one.
Don't leave me out to dry, Thompson.
Mr. Gray speaks in idioms. He doesn't spend enough time in the classroom, you know, So he's forgotten he can't speak in those terms cuz learners of English won't understand Anyway, I say okay.
Yes, okay. Mr. Gray, but I have a live podcast in Paris tomorrow.
I really need to prepare Mr. Gray the podcast can wait Luke These reports can't get it done or I'll have your badge and your gun Luke We're not cops.
This isn't the 1970s, okay?
This is the British Council.
But Mr. Gray has already walked away.
Typical. Luke, damn it.
He insults Mr. Gray a few times under his breath.
It's a fucking... Mr. Fucking...
Mr. Fucking... External, London, night time.
Luke walks home through the crowded streets.
Frustration etched on his face.
he pulls out his phone and dials a number.
Do -do -do -do -do -do -do -do -do -do -do.
It's a pity that phones don't do that anymore, right?
Do you remember the big ones?
Like, ba -boo -boo, ba -boo -boo, ba -boo -boo.
Ah! Do -do -do. Ah, I miss those days.
The orange color of the lighted -up numbers.
Lovely, satisfying, rubbery feeling when ba -boo -boo, ba -boo -boo.
It doesn't get much better than this.
1997, where are... 1997, anyway.
He pulls out his phone and dials a number.
Intercut with internal Paris, Lucy's apartment night.
Lucy, 30s, supportive, attractive, Luke's partner.
Most of it, I added attractive, I added attractive.
But Lucy, 30s, supportive, Luke's 30s, so she's like a decade younger than me.
Thanks, chat GPT. Yeah, I suppose so.
It's like, how patriarchal though, I don't know.
Lucy, hey Luke, how's it going?
Not great. Mr. Grey keeps piling work on me, the son of a bitch. I don't know if I can make it to Paris.
Lucy, don't stress it, babe.
You'll find a way, you always do.
Internal Luke's apartment, night time.
Luke enters, surrounded by podcast equipment and notes.
He sits down and begins to record an intro to his award -winning podcast. Luke, welcome to Luke's English Podcast. Today, I'm preparing for a live show in Paris, but damn it, life keeps getting in the way.
Montage. You know what a montage is?
Of course, it's French. Montage.
Montage music. Dramatic.
Luke grading papers late into the night.
Luke researching searching for his podcast, Luke sweating and Googling something, Luke smoking and staring at the London skyline.
Luke eating some noodles out of a brown takeaway box while typing with one hand, you know, like in the movies, kind of like Ghostbusters or something.
Luke caught in meetings with Mr. Grey, punching the table and pointing.
Luke loosening his tie and lighting another cigarette.
I don't smoke. It just feels appropriate.
Like, you know. I never wear a tie either.
Internal. British Council.
This is not going to go forever, I promise.
He was like, when can I ask my question about conditionals?
Internal. British Council.
Office. Daytime. Luke slams the reports on Mr Grey's desk.
Here are the reports, Mr Grey, just like you asked.
Mr Grey, it's about time Thompson.
Now I need you to cover for Sarah this afternoon.
She's out sick. Luke, no can do.
I've got a train to catch chief.
Mr. Gray, then you better run.
External London streets, daytime, tense music.
Luke sprints out of the office, dodging pedestrians and weaving through traffic.
He races to his flat, grabs his suitcase and laptop and dashes to the train station, internal train station, daytime.
Luke arrives out of breath, leaping over the platform gates as passers -by gasp and stare.
Is that Luke from Luke's English podcast?
The train to Paris is boarding.
Luke dives on just as the doors close.
He straightens his tie and takes a seat.
In reality, there's always a painful one -hour await at the Eurostar, as you may have noticed, with a big queue full of stressed out French people and border officials who do not give a shit.
Just a bit of reality there, just. Internal, tray, tray?
No. What? Sorry? Tray.
No. Tray. Put the tray away.
Internal, train. Daytime.
Luke collapses into his seat, pulls out his laptop, and continues preparing for the podcast. The train speeds through the countryside.
Maybe the Mission Impossible where impossible music plays in the background.
Yeah not in, yeah, yeah, exactly.
Internal Paris train station night, people shrug and smoke cigarettes.
This is Paris. People shrug and smoke cigarettes while holding baguettes.
Establishing shots, right?
Paris, nighttime. People shrug and smoke cigarettes while holding baguettes, shaking their heads at one another.
Accordion music can be heard in the background and the Eiffel Tower is visible from every window.
A dog defecates on the pavements.
Someone says, Ah, putain!
Luc arrives in Paris.
He looks around, trying to get his bearings.
Where am I? 18th arrondissement, he mutters under his breath.
External. It just fucking keeps going, doesn't it?
There's a sequel as well.
I'm not sure I'll do the sequel.
We'll see. Paris streets, night time.
Luc navigates the charming but confusing streets of Paris.
Getting lost, he asks a local woman for directions to the 18th arrondissement.
He speaks fluent C2 level French. The local Parisian woman giggles and says something about his charming accent but pretends not to understand.
And then just replies in English, saying that Paris is like a snail spinning her finger in front of his face and giggling.
Luke finally arrives at the podcast venue.
An elegant cafe with a small stage.
A small stage, yeah.
Elegant cafe? Yeah, I suppose.
Internal cafe, nighttime.
Luke sets up his equipment as the audience pours into the venue.
The atmosphere is electric.
Just like this. There are 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16.
There are 17 people there.
In the cafe later, Luke takes a deep breath, steps onto the stage, and faces the audience.
Hello, Paris. Welcome to Luke's English Podcast Live.
The audience cheers.
Luke beams, his passion and dedication evident.
The level of English in the room rises.
External, Paris, nighttime.
As Luke walks through the illuminated streets, his phone rings.
It's Mr. Grey. Mr. Grey on the phone.
Luke, I need you back here ASAP.
ASAP, meaning as soon as possible.
As you know. Luke, sorry, Mr. Grey, it'll have to wait.
I have a podcast to record. He hangs up.
Even though it's a mobile phone.
He hangs up, a satisfied smile on his face.
There's more. No, that's the end of the movie.
Coming soon to a cinema near you.
The epic sequel to, what was the name of the film?
The Last Session. The Last Session 2.
Fast and fluent. Hey, I'm Ryan Reynolds.
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Oh dear, there's a whole sequel to it.
There's an action movie as well.
I don't know if we're ready for that.
Okay. Yeah, you are?
All right. Maybe. Oh yeah, you're up for it?
Yeah, okay. You don't have any questions then?
No? Okay, all right.
Let's have the sequel to the the film there.
This is it. The last lesson two, fast and fluent.
We've gone for a action vibe on this one, right?
External Paris, night time.
The illuminated Eiffel Tower stands tall against the night sky.
The camera pans down to a bustling cafe, alive with energy.
Waiters ignore customers and pigeons, shit everywhere.
The smell of piss lingers in the air.
Paris is lovely. It's a beautiful city.
Internal, cafe, nighttime, Luke Thompson.
40s, ruggedly handsome and determined.
Okay, I added ruggedly handsome, okay.
Stands on stage addressing a cheering audience, of course.
Thank you, Paris, you've been amazing.
The audience erupts into applause.
Luke waves and steps off the stage.
His partner, Lucy, 30s, supportive, glamorous, greets him with a hug.
You did it, Luke. That was incredible.
Thanks, Lucy. I couldn't have done it without you.
They share an intense look.
External cafe, night time.
Luke and Lucy exit the cafe.
The streets of Paris are live with nightlife.
They walk hand in hand, enjoying the moment.
internal hotel room.
Night time. Luke and Lucy enter the room, exhausted but happy.
Brackets. Sexy time?
Luke's phone buzzes with a notification.
Luke, hold on, babe.
I need to check this.
He opens his phone to see a message from an unknown number.
The text reads this, you think it's over?
Think again. Luke, it's Mr. Gray.
Lucy, what does he want now?
Luke, revenge. Lucy, can't it wait?
She says suggestively.
Luke, sure. sure. Internal hotel room night, don't worry.
Internal hotel room night, four minutes later, Luke is packing quickly.
You didn't get the joke, come on.
Four minutes later, Luke is packing his suitcase quickly, while Lucy reclines on the bed, smoking a cigarette, illegally inside the room of a hotel.
but this is the 70s so luke we need to go now external paris nighttime a convoy of black suvs speeds through the streets like an avengers film led by mr gray 50s stern and menacing he glares ahead determined mr gray voiceover you can run luke but you can't hide external paris streets Nighttime.
Luke and Lucy race through the streets trying to stay ahead of Mr. Gray's goons.
That means like bad guys, right?
They jump into Luke's sleek sports car and drive off.
Tires screeching. Internal.
Sports car. Nighttime.
Luke drives with intense focus, checking his mirrors constantly.
Lucy, where are we going?
Luke, anywhere but here.
Gray's not going to stop until he gets what he wants.
Oh, God. Like never before has the contrast between this and my actual life been more evident to me.
In reality, it's just my line manager going, Luke, any chance you could send those student reports on Teams?
I'm like, oh, yeah, sorry, I'll send them in the name.
You know, like, Gray's not going to stop until he gets what he wants.
External Paris streets, night time.
A high -speed chase ensues through the narrow, winding streets of Paris like the Bourne Identity or something like that.
Luke skillfully navigates, but the SUVs are relentless.
Do you know what SUVs are?
Sports utility vehicles.
Yes. Ah, we learned something, even in a ridiculous episode like this.
Lucy fires a pump -action shotgun from a passenger window.
Right? right? She blows out the tire of one of the SUVs, which swerves off the road, crashing into the Wall Street Institute, which explodes in a fireball.
Sponsored by the British Council.
For listeners at home, the Wall Street Institute is a competing language school.
I use the word school in the loosest possible sense.
Oh, whoops, legal issues may arise.
This is parody for the lawyers listening.
I love the Wall Street Institute.
They really help people with their English, and they're very competitively priced.
Got away with it, didn't I?
Okay. So, yes, SUV, internal, nighttime.
Mr. Gray speaks into a headset.
Cut him off. Don't let him escape.
External Paris streets night.
SUVs spread out, trying to corner Luke.
He makes a sharp turn into a narrow alleyway barely fitting.
The sides of the SUV scrape, the sports car scrape against the sides of the buildings.
One of the neighbours is like, oh, putain, ça me fait chier les Anglais qui conduisent très dramatiquement dans les rues de Paris.
Je ne sais pas pourquoi je parle comme ça, parce que je suis Parisienne, Parisien.
George. Anyway. Sports car.
Luke grits his teeth, pushing the car to its limits.
Luke, hold on. The sports car bursts out of the alleyway into a wider street.
Luke sees the Louvre up ahead.
Luke, I've got an idea.
External Louvre at night time.
Luke races towards the iconic glass pyramid.
The SUVs close in behind.
He swerves around the pyramid, causing the SUVs to crash into the pyramid and the entire museum explodes in a huge fireball.
Yes, millions of people weep because the Mona Lisa goes up in flames, but it's all, no, it doesn't really.
In fact, it says, look, he swerves around the pyramid causing the SUVs to crash into each other.
Everything's fine. The Louvre is fine.
The precious artifacts will still be able to be be seen at very, very high prices.
I must add. SUV, Mr. Gray slams his fist on the dashboard, enraged.
You can't escape. I'll get you, Thompson.
He shouts. Luke and Lucy speed away, temporarily free of the SUVs. Lucy, that was amazing.
Luke, we're not out of this yet, kid.
We need to find a safe place to lay low.
Luke and Lucy arrive at a small, secluded safe house.
They hurry inside, locking the door behind them.
Internal safe house, nighttime.
Luke sets up his laptop, starting a live stream.
This is Luke from Luke's English podcast. I'm in a bit of a situation, but I won't let that stop me from teaching you phrasal verbs.
External Paris streets, nighttime.
Mr. Gray and his remaining goons search the city, determined to find Luke.
Internal safe house, nighttime.
Luke continues his podcast, passion in his voice.
Luke, no matter what happens, always follow your passion.
Don't let anyone hold you back.
Actually, that's quite an interesting phrasal verb, isn't it?
To hold someone back.
That means to prevent or restrict the progress or development of someone or something.
You can sign up to Luke's English podcast premium at teachaluke .co .uk slash premium info for more premium info.
Thanks for listening.
So, external safe house night.
the grey SUVs close in on the safe house they surround it blocking all the exits internal safe house Luke hears the vehicles he finishes his podcast stay tuned everyone I'll be back I've never said that at the end of an episode chat GPT does not listen to Luke's English podcast not until the end anyway I'll be back until next time it's all remains for me to say is what bye bye bye he turns to Lucy we need to go now luke and lucy slip out of a back window just as mr gray and his goons break in the front luke and lucy run through the darkened streets where are we going luke to the river we can lose
them there luke and lucy reach the river spotting a small boat they jump in and start the engine speeding away just as mr gray arrives exit sen river night time mr gray watches from the river bank his face twisted in rage as luke and lucy disappear into the night mr gray to his two two goons.
Don't just stand there, follow them.
The goons dive into the water to swim to a nearby boat, but they both immediately die from E.
coli bacterial poisoning because of the terribly bad water conditions.
External riverbank, a bit of topical humor there.
External riverbank, nighttime, Mr. Gray speaks into his head sight.
This isn't over, Luke, not by a long shot.
hot. Luke and Lucy sail into the night, the city lights fading behind them.
Luke, we did it. Lucy, for now.
That's the end of the show.
Ladies and gentlemen, thank you very much. You can stop clapping now.
Anyway, thank you very much for attending this live podcast recording.
I'm assuming that you don't have any questions because you're like let's not make him say anything else.
Please let me to stop now Thanks from very much for coming.
It's been wonderful I've really enjoyed this genuinely really enjoys and don't do these very often.
Maybe I should do them more often But otherwise, that's the end of the episode.
Thank you so much for listening I'll speak to you next time.
But for now it's just time to say goodbye Thanks, guys.
Thanks for listening to Luke's English Podcast. For more information, visit teachaluke .co .uk want to have fun and have scratchers to scratch there's a playful way you can do just that scratch with the key or acrylic nail scratch with the quill from a porcupine tail use a belt buckle from your friend lamar or scratch with your pick while you play guitar you can scratch in a bunch of different playful ways scratchers from the california lottery a little play can make your day please play responsibly must be 18 years or older to purchase player claim If you enjoyed this episode of Luke's English
Podcast, consider signing up for Luke's English Podcast Premium.
You'll get regular premium episodes with stories, vocabulary, grammar and pronunciation teaching from me and the usual moments of humour and fun.
Plus, with your subscription, you will be directly supporting my work and making this whole podcast project possible.
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