These are my personal opinions always secret professional when you're making choices about your mental health and well -being I Had someone reach out to me and tell me that they have been highly judgmental in their relationship And they told me that they read my article called What is it called?
It's called a judgement the ultimate relationship destroyer or something like that Judgment is the ultimate relationship destroyer.
Because nobody wants to be judged.
At least most people don't want to be judged, for who they are, what they do.
And most people that you judge in your life, if you do that, are adults making their own decisions, and believing that they have a right, which they do, to make their own decisions, and do things that others might not be in alignment with.
For example, this person who wrote to me said that they were, or are, very judgmental to their wife and he thinks that it's kind of hypocritical because he's judgmental about her drinking even though he drinks, too.
And he said I would to get disgusted by her behavior and generally make her feel bad about it.
And the reason he started getting judgmental is because she started doing it more than he did or she started doing it in excess that he did not care for or like.
And so he asked me, how did you get past this?
How did you get past judging excessive alcohol use?
And he said, I feel like I'm in a weird spot.
So he's being honest. He's admitting that he probably shouldn't be judgmental, but he can't get past it.
He also mentioned in there that he had a father who was an alcoholic.
I don't know if that person is still alive, but he said my father wasn't an alcoholic.
So maybe because of that, or very likely because of that, I have this issue, even though I drink.
So his question to me had to do with that article which is when I talked about when I was highly judgmental in my previous marriage when I was highly judgmental about my wife's emotional eating.
I was critical and judgmental about her eating habits which was wrong, it was not healthy, it was toxic and so I had to learn how to heal from that, heal from being judgmental and so critical about somebody that I'm supposed to love and care for and support through thick and thin till death do us part so I was in that marriage and I was basically hurtful to the person I was supposed to be supportive and loving toward and I after that marriage ended I had a lot of healing to do in myself, she did too, because what I put her through.
But I also had to figure out why I was treating people this way, it wasn't just her, it was the people in my life previous to her, my other partners in my relationships.
Why was I so critical?
Why did I have such sky high standards?
And then expect people to meet those standards, and if they didn't give them a hard time, make them feel bad, make them feel guilty.
things I'm definitely not proud of but things I have also addressed and made sure that I never acted that way again.
Believe me, Asha would kick me to the curb.
My wife, Asha, she would not have tolerated that at all.
And I'm glad because no one should tolerate that behavior.
And so how did I get past my judgments and this is what this person is asking.
I think the first thing that I had to do was accept somebody as they are.
That's the very first thing I had to do.
I have to accept people as they are.
Who they are now is who they are being and who they're showing up as today and that is who they are, if that makes sense.
Meaning if your wife drinks excessively, that's who she is.
I'm not saying that's who she's gonna be tomorrow, but that's who she is right now.
Doesn't mean she's and alcoholic or an excessive drinker at all.
It could be. But my point is you accept her as she is today.
That'll be the first step.
What does that mean?
That means not resisting who she is.
If she is an excessive drinker today, she may not be that way tomorrow, but all we know is today.
So we look at someone and we say, that's who they are, that's how they're going to be indefinitely.
So your wife may never change.
This may be who she is from this point on and the reason I say you need to accept who she is now is so that you don't resist it and try to change her or try to wish hope and pray that she changes but just to accept this is who she is.
When you accept who she is, or who someone is, you let go of something that you're holding onto.
That letting go is that hoping and wishing and praying that someone was different.
It's also the way you take responsibility for how you feel about something instead of pointing at someone else, saying, you're the reason I feel this way.
taking responsibility for how you feel about someone else about their decisions is looking at them and saying what you do bothers me but that's not on you that's me now I'm not saying you say that to the person that bothers you I'm saying you say that to yourself you look at that person and you say what they do bothers me.
But that's not on them.
That's on me. I sum that up in my healed being program.
I help emotionally abusive people change.
And one of the mantras that I give them is, if I have a problem with them, it's my problem, not theirs.
That's how you look at people in your life so that you don't try to make them different, because they are who they are.
If they weren't that way yesterday, that's fine.
If they're not gonna be that way tomorrow, that's fine.
But if that's how they're showing up today, that's who they are.
So accept who they are.
Now we can hope that they change, but we can't stay stuck in hope.
We can't stay in this position of, well, I'll stay even longer just in case they change, because I know they can.
Or maybe if I make them feel bad enough and show them how their behavior hurts me, they'll recognize that in themselves and not want to hurt me and change for me.
When we do that we are trying to influence or manipulate somebody into doing something that may not be in their own interest. It may be in their best interest to change but if it's not in their own interest and it's in your interest then any changes you'll see will likely feel coerced to them and those changes will likely not stick.
Because it's very difficult for a change to stick if someone else kind of forced you into it or kind of made you feel guilty to do it.
It's very difficult for those changes to stick because they are not self -realized changes that the person believes they need to make a self -realized change is a change that you decide on your own that you need to do for example the person I used to be if somebody said you need to stop doing that I might have reluctantly stopped doing it but I still might have felt like I was righteous and right in doing it.
That means that if they tried to convince me, that it was the right thing to do because it was hurting them or causing a problem, I might have thought, well, I'll do it just to make the change just to show you that I'm doing it so you don't leave me, but I really don't believe I need to.
And that kind of change is not good, because it will not last. so I would probably make that change for a few weeks and then because it's still inside me that the beliefs that I'm right and I don't want to stop doing what I normally do because I believe I'm right that's gonna wear off I'm not going to be able to hold that up because it's not in me it's not self -realized so real change happens when it's self realized it's something that you come up with.
Nobody else convinced you or influenced you or manipulated you in any way you came up with it.
And this is a very good thing because that means that that person that you want to do the changes if they came up with it on their own it's more likely to stick.
It doesn't mean it won't stick if somebody else convinced them or highlighted something that they didn't realize hey do you know when you do that it hurts me they might say oh I didn't know that I'm so sorry, I'll stop doing that right away, and it's a realization.
But a lot of that is self -realization too, because they're thinking it's not hurting you, but it really is, and now they have this understanding that it is hurting you, and that is part of self -realization.
The self -realization part is them thinking to themselves, I don't want to hurt them.
If it's not self -realized, they might think to themselves, I don't want them to think I'm not changing and be upset with me, so I'll change for them.
That's the difference.
Self -realization is for yourself, and manipulation or coercion or influence is a change that somebody might make for you.
You don't really want people to change for you.
You want them to change for themselves.
You want them to show up as that authentic person that truly healed or made changes that were a benefit to them and you, but it is more challenging when you are trying to get someone to do something that you want them to do, and they don't want to change.
So they resist it. You resist that they're not changing and it becomes a problem, it becomes a bigger problem in the relationship because you want something that's not occurring, and they don't want to do something that you want.
So you both have issues or you both have a challenge with this one thing that seems to be plaguing at least one of the many things maybe that seems to be plaguing the relationship.
So the person who wants for example the person who wants his wife to stop drinking or at least not drink excessively, he can come back and say okay, if I chose to accept her as she is who she is and I also said that she's never going to change this is who she is what am i going to do about it next this is how we take responsibility for ourselves we say this person is who they are so what am I going to do with my life he would be like looking at the sun and saying okay son I want you to change I want you to be blue instead of Yellow or orange or whatever.
I want you to change and then the next day you realize I can't change the Sun The Sun is as it is It was this way yesterday.
It will be this way tomorrow At least that's my belief and that's what I'm gonna go by that.
That's what I'm gonna accept I'm going to accept that the Sun is showing up as it will always show up so I can't change it So now what do I do about it?
I don't like the Sun. I'm gonna move to Alaska I'm gonna go somewhere else where the sun's not present or whatever But that's the point is that you now take responsibility for your life instead of Making someone else your problem or making someone else the problem.
I Won't make my wife a problem that I have with her Because it's my problem.
I own it So if she starts Snorton cocaine which I hope she never does but if she started doing that I wouldn't like it and I would talk to her about it I would say it's dangerous please don't do that and then if she said no this is the way I am and this is what I like or at least if I accepted that about her because our conversations didn't lead to change then I would come back to myself and ask myself okay she won't change so what am I gonna do with my life from this point And that's scary because sometimes that means well I can't live with somebody who does that.
What does that mean?
I might have to leave if this is a romantic relationship, which in this example it is.
I might have to leave somebody who's doing something against my values or against a belief I have or something.
But it really does usually come down to values.
values are what you find important, what you believe are important to you in your relationships, in your job, in your life in general, what do you value?
I value our relationship without drugs.
And that would be an issue if drugs were introduced into the relationship, which we would have a conversation about.
And the conversation hopefully went well, but if it didn't, I would have to choose as a loving person, someone who supports the person I'm with I would have to choose to support her doing what she wants to do with her life because she's an adult and she can make adult decisions even though I might think those decisions are stupid.
I might think the decision to do a hard drug like that is very stupid and you shouldn't do it and yet I would have to accept that that's what she wants to do because she's an adult and she can make those decisions.
So now it comes back to me, what do I do about it?
Now, that's not my total answer to this person, because he asked, well, how did you get past judging, excess alcohol use?
And it's a great question that is part of your healing to get past judging people for what they do.
Part of my healing was something I already mentioned.
But I'm going to dive into a bit is the values violation versus the physical interference, I guess you could say.
Meaning I could look at someone and say, hey, what they do?
Some of the things they do or one of the things they do is against my values.
I don't want drugs in my life.
Therefore, that person doing those drugs in my house is against my values.
I don't want it. It could be a boundary.
Like a boundary is what you will and won't accept in your life.
And I'll probably choose not to accept that in my life, which now is a violation of my values and my boundaries.
So that values and boundary violation, that's different than a physical intrusion or violation of some sort.
And I mean physical violation in this sense that it affects your life in some way.
For example, let's just say that I never saw the effects of my wife doing drugs.
That she did it when she was alone or when she was about to go to sleep and I never saw her high or whatever.
Coked up. I never saw that and if I never saw that and it didn't affect my life And it wasn't like I wasn't watching her deteriorate And it just didn't seem to be invasive at all Would I have a problem with it then?
I mean the answer is probably yes if it was cocaine and other hard drugs, but Would I have a problem with it?
Let's just use that example.
Let's just say Yes, I still would because it's still a values and a boundary violation.
I still don't want that in our lives But let's just say she did something more benign that bothered me, but it didn't become invasive in our lives or in my life, and my life would be am I able to spend quality time with her?
If I am able to spend quality time with her, meaning I still get quality time with her And our time isn't affected by what she's doing and we aren't affected in any other way by what she's doing.
Like it doesn't affect her work, it doesn't affect her ability to bring an income, it doesn't affect her ability if we had kids to take care of our kids.
If it didn't affect anything, then I might be more relaxed about my values or my boundaries because there aren't any negative consequences in my life.
I may not like it and I may wish she didn't do it anymore, whatever it was.
But it wouldn't be a negative consequence because it didn't affect us as a couple.
It didn't affect me.
I never saw her in a way that made me worried or anything like that.
We just went on with our lives like it wasn't a part of our lives.
So, there's that there's the question of is this just a violation of my values or boundaries or both or or and or is it also a violation of my physical life how it affects me in my day -to -day for example maybe it only affects you on the weekends and is that bothersome enough is it really affecting your quality time with her or your own quality time that you are having a problem with it and it is invasive, because if it is, you know, it's a valid complaint or concern that you have that it is affecting your relationship, it is affecting your happiness, your well being and it is worth a conversation.
And the conversation might go something like hey, look, when you do this, I don't get to spend quality time with you.
And when we spend time together, you're Drunk and I can't communicate with you.
I can't connect with you and it's really depressing to me That is a me centered conversation.
It is all about how it affects you use i statements i am affected this way when you are inebriated, this is how I am affected and That would be part of the conversation.
It's not a judgement.
I mean it might be there might be judgment in there But it tells the other person, when you are this way, this is what happens to me.
I would like you to know this is what happens to me.
And it is affecting my connection with you.
It is affecting my love for you.
And I would like you to know this, because I don't know, and I'm not saying you say all this, but you might say something along the lines of, I don't know how much it will continue to make me feel this way.
but I do know I feel this way today and I do know that it is affecting me and us negatively because it is taking away from us it is Pulling out some good qualities about us and I don't like that I don't want that to happen Because I want to be able to connect with you at all times And if I can't I mean as much as I can but if I can't and it turns out to be in this example the alcohol causing a problem then I don't know if I have the capability to continue this.
Again, you don't have to say these words, it's something that you would probably have a deeper conversation about if it came to that, but I do believe you have to ask yourself the question about is this a physical life intrusion or invasion of some sort, that's a strong word but Is it affecting your physical life?
Is it affecting your relationship or is it only affecting your feelings because of boundaries or values and I'm not saying your feelings are invalid they're very valid because you might be in a situation with somebody who is doing a behavior that You have a problem with and you don't like it and you don't feel good about it And you may not be able to handle it You may be judgmental.
Or you just may have a belief that doing that is wrong and you shouldn't do it.
And being with somebody like that who is doing something that you know is wrong is going to affect you.
And it may affect your wellbeing and you may not be able to tolerate it.
And unfortunately, I say unfortunately because if you can't tolerate it, that's not their problem.
and that sounds like I'm putting it back on you and I am but don't take it the wrong way what I mean is it's all about acceptance again we look at somebody and say okay I accept that's who you are and I'm going to have to make a decision for myself and my life because I am unable to tolerate it I can accept that you do that.
So I won't try to change you.
I won't try to control you.
But I can't tolerate it myself.
I am not willing to accept this behavior in my life, even if it doesn't affect me directly, because I don't want to deal with that.
That's just something I would think of too.
Like if Asha, my wife, was doing something just reprehensible, but it didn't really affect me directly, and our relationship was still great in every other area but I totally didn't like what she was doing.
I might have to have a good deep conversation with her of course but with myself and ask myself can I be with somebody who does this?
Can I be with somebody who believes that's okay and if I can't then I'm gonna say this it's not fair for her to be exposed to my judgments.
It's not fair for me to continue to hassle her about something that I refuse to tolerate, therefore it's better for me to leave her be.
And does that mean leaving?
If it were me, if I were in that situation and I knew that she was okay with it and I wasn't, whatever it was, but it wasn't affecting our relationship i might have to make that decision to leave. I might have to do it because I don't want to be in a relationship where I'm constantly resisting or even hating what another person or the person i'm supposed to love is doing.
I don't want to be in that position and I don't want to put myself in that position and I'm not saying that this is a solution for everybody.
Somebody might be in a relationship now where they can't stand how somebody is or what somebody does.
And they can't necessarily leave. So that's tricky when you can't leave. There are options that sometimes you have to be willing to accept if you are in a relationship like that, that if you leave, you might be worse off financially, you might be worse off with even having a place to live except maybe you sleep in your car.
I'm not saying that's a smart thing to do.
I'm not saying that it's the right thing to do I'm saying that it's important that you realize that if the other person is Okay with who they are then what you have to do is either accept who they are and never give them heck about it Never complain about it because now you're accepting who they are or if you can accept who they are But you just can't tolerate who they are It's a little different then it might be time for you to make a decision for yourself so that you're not putting yourself in that situation anymore and again I know sometimes taking yourself out of that situation can be difficult
but there's also the underlying hey if that person is not going to change then is it necessary for me to continue trying to change them?
Is it the right thing to do to continue trying to change them or should I just accept who they are and maybe they'll get better someday maybe they won't but I won't seek it I won't wait for it I'll just accept that's who they are and then I'll need to address what I need to do next in my life.
I like listening to podcasts that can shift my perspective in a positive way.
That's why I keep coming back to uncomfy, sticking with moments that challenge us.
The real life stories they share are so powerful.
like the women who was taught to hate Jews as a kid in Iran, but then defended one in court as an adult.
Or the story where she thought she was a good friend, then a birthday surprise went wrong.
The guests dared to get comfortable, instead of lashing out or shying away when their world view was challenged.
And by staying curious and open in those intense moments, they came out with stronger relationships, clearer beliefs, and more confidence.
Listening to their stories is like a crash course in conflict resolution and self -improvement.
Uncomfy will teach you to improve your communication, disagree more constructively, and be an inspired leader.
Hear how people are healing communities, talking about what matters, and viewing others as human to build a better world together.
Letting go of your preconceptions may be uncomfortable but Uncomfy proves it's worth it.
So subscribe to Uncomfy sticking with moments that challenge us wherever you get your podcasts.
Prepare to get uncomfortable in the best way possible.
So there's that part too.
Now let me get to the, probably the one magic pill that I can give this person.
It may not be a magic pill for you but it was a magic pill for me and you know my background is growing up in an alcoholic home where my stepfather was drunk every day, sometimes to passing out, sometimes to throwing eggs all over the kitchen, smashing drinking glasses, smashing windows, all kinds of stuff, very scary.
And of course he has hurt my mom at least three or four times throughout their lives together.
He never hurt me directly.
He has held me down once when I was a child, but for the most part, I got off pretty lucky but some other members of my family did not.
So it was scary. It was scary growing up in that environment so I had a lot of dysfunctions I had to deal with and a lot of toxic behaviors in myself that I either learned because of role modeling or learned because I rebelled against those things.
On and on, I had a lot of dysfunction and so one of the dysfunctions I had to heal, at least I consider it a dysfunction, was my judgments about alcohol.
I had to learn that alcohol wasn't the problem.
In fact, alcohol is not a problem.
Alcohol has many good uses.
Clean your counters.
But alcohol itself, it's not the problem, it's what people do with it and how people react and respond to it.
For my stepfather the alcohol caused him to be horrible.
So how he used alcohol was in my opinion bad, not healthy, highly toxic highly dysfunctional.
How my wife uses alcohol is basically non -existent, she barely ever drinks it and I've only seen her just slightly toasty once or twice and so she always thought that I drank more than her and I think I do.
But still I use it very rarely and it's only like when I want something sweet and with a punch not like fruit punch but like a punch to the drink like whoa that's a that's a good drink but it took me a couple years after I left home to get there they're not too long so a couple of years I actually was highly judgmental against people who drank any alcohol and the way I got past it I just I've talked about this recently, I apologize if you've just heard this somewhere, I just talked about it, but the way I got past it was realizing it's not the alcohol, it's not, it's not the alcohol that's the problem.
Also realizing that it is the person that is using the alcohol and what they do with it.
So, my step -father was using alcohol and the way he used it was highly toxic and a huge violation of my boundaries and it caused me to fear I was in fear mode around him so I definitely wanted to be away from him because what he was doing with the alcohol how he was using it and after I left home I got into a romantic relationship with somebody who I started being judgmental about it and I stopped myself I just stopped and said okay is it the alcohol, and what are they gonna do with it?
And I really started testing what was I mean testing in myself testing as in let's see what happens when somebody drinks somebody I love drinks let's see what happens.
So I started watching and understanding that some people have a drink and they don't get drunk and they don't get angry and they don't get violent and so I had to see that over over and over again, to reinforce in myself that it wasn't the alcohol and it was the person who drank alcohol that was either going to be a problem or not.
And I also had to ask myself the very thing I talked about earlier, is this an invasion or an obstacle or any type of interference in my life or in our relationship at all?
And the answer was no. and so I needed these little tests what I might consider tests to test myself to find out what happened and I needed to see what happened to reinforce what to start believing so a new belief I would have to start a new belief my old belief was alcohol is a problem and it causes people to be violent and angry my new belief should be alcohol is not a problem it's the person who drinks it and are they a problem which is where I would ask this person that wrote to me.
I would ask is this person a problem when they drink in your life I mean you may have an opportunity to be without her when she's drinking and is that a problem in your life do you find that it's removing or taking away the quality of your life the quality of your relationship because if it is if the alcohol is affecting her in a way that affects your quality of life and your quality of relationship, then it's a problem that either needs to be addressed.
Hey, when you do that, this is where I am at.
This is how I feel.
I feel left out. I feel alone, so on and so on.
But if she thinks it's not a problem and this is who she is, then your next step is to accept that's who she is.
you may not like it, but if you accept who she is, guess where the onus of responsibility for your life goes to next, it goes back on you.
And here's where things get a little bit tougher.
This is something I had to deal with.
This is something that at the end of my marriage I was finally starting to understand how judgmental I was and how hurtful that was to be judgmental.
And I had a problem with my wife's emotional eating.
And I realized I just gave her crap about it all the time.
I was terrible. And so one day I just thought to myself what would happen if I chose to accept that she would never ever change?
What would happen? I saw I don't like that idea.
Because I had all these problems with it.
I said, Yeah, but what would happen?
If you chose to accept that?
What if you chose to accept that she would never ever change.
What would you do then?
And that's when you face the true decision moment.
Like a true decision moment is now you have all the the data all the facts.
And now you get to base your decision, your next step, on the facts.
Because before that point you had all these hopes and wishes and maybe prayers that they would change but here you are now you know they're not going to change because you're telling yourself they're not going to change.
So what do you do about it?
What are you going to do?
That's your question.
She's not going to change the person who wrote to me.
What are you going to do?
Well, I don't know what to do because II feel like a hypocrite and you know all the things that you said are very legit.
II felt the same way.
But now you have no choice but to accept that's who she is.
For me when I said oh I can't accept that I can't accept that she won't change that's just not acceptable I cannot go through life with her that way so I asked myself well what are you gonna do Paul?
And my answer was well I guess I have to leave and as soon as I said that I felt a shift inside of me.
The shift was me realizing that my only other choice was to leave. That was it.
That was my only choice, and when that thought came to mind, I felt something change in my body.
I can't explain it, but I can say, when I felt that, when I realized that's my only other choice oh crap, the shift I felt caused another thought to come up and that thought was wait, I don't want to leave but it's not only that thought but that was a first thought I don't want to leave well then are you gonna stay and accept who she is that was the question that came to mind because if you stay you have to accept who she is otherwise you're just gonna give her hell for the rest of our lives together and do you really want to live like that and I said no I don't and I told myself well Well, you
either have to leave or accept her for who she is.
And that was the moment.
The day I started accepting people for who they are because I never introduced the thought of leaving because I was always outwardly focused.
Somebody has to change for me.
That was my focus. Someone has to change for me.
And that day I started to go inward and ask myself, okay, if I'm responsible for my life, what am I going to do about it if I can't change other people?
And, you know, I shouldn't change other people.
That's something I wanted to stop after I started healing.
I don't want to change other people.
And if I don't want to change other people and I know they're not going to change then again falls back on me.
So I had the thought, I guess I have to leave and as soon as I had that thought something shifted inside of me and that's when I had another thought but I don't want to leave and I I want to be married and I want to stay with this person.
So that pretty much forced me into an ultimatum.
To myself. Paul, you either have to leave or you have to accept her exactly as she is.
That was the only choice I gave myself.
And with that, I realized, oh, now I get it.
Now I understand what I've been doing all this time.
I've been so judgmental.
I've been so hurtful.
No wonder she's so miserable being around me.
I'm going to accept who she is.
I made that choice.
That means she could eat anything she wants.
So you know that was me in my life back then.
I was judging what she ate, but when I had that thought of accepting her it also meant accepting all of her behaviors, whether I like them or not, and just choosing to be okay.
Choosing to be okay that she did these things and never giving her that look, never talking about it, never bringing it up so that she thinks that I'm still thinking about it and trying to manipulate her or guilt her into stopping.
It meant true acceptance, no matter what, and I tell you what, what's interesting is that when you accept someone for who they are, and they have a vice, like emotional eating alcohol drugs that they use for emotional regulation.
And they use it to calm their stress or calm their fears or anger or whatever.
When you stop giving someone grief about their life, and you start supporting them, no matter what they do, they're more likely to make different decisions on how to handle their emotions.
Not always. But there's more of a chance that they will not use something like alcohol or drugs or some other coping mechanism that will help them regulate or deal with their emotions.
And what I mean by that is when I stopped being judgmental, my then wife stopped emotional eating so much. So she still had issues and challenges and she called it an addiction and she had to deal with that, but that was her issue.
She had to deal with it.
So who am I going to be the person who loves her and supports her and helps her in any way that she wants me to help her, or am I going to give her grief and continue saying, Oh, look, what you're doing is so bad and it's so bad for you, it's so bad for us, which probably causes her to emotionally eat more.
Which I know it did.
Because it's hard to deal with somebody like the way I was.
And so the person who wrote to me, I would encourage you to consider what I said today.
If her behavior is just not tolerable, it is affecting your quality of life, it is affecting your quality of relationship, then you might need to make a decision for yourself.
And that means facing yourself because someone who is highly judgmental, like you admit here you've been very judgmental.
Someone who's highly judgmental is always externally focused on what other people can do for them.
Being highly judgmental means wanting to control or change someone else so that they conform to your standards.
When you are internal, when you decide to reflect on your thoughts, your emotions, your judgments, and accept other people outside of you so you're no longer externally focused, you're internally focused.
What you end up doing is making decisions for yourself and also putting the burden of change on you, not them.
And that will change your life.
I hope this is helpful, thank you for sharing that good luck with this, stay strong.
You'll get through it, you'll figure it out but I hope what I said today gives you extra guidance.
Thanks for listening to another episode of The Overwhelmed Brain.
I wanna thank Sandra for her generous donation I did not expect.
She said, Paul I've been listening regularly since the beginning, thank you and warmest wishes Sandra, thank you so much Sandra.
That was again very generous and I can't believe you've been listening since the beginning.
That's crazy. Its 2013.
If you have then wow you've heard a lot of changes, if you've been listening since the beginning of this show you've heard a lot of changes probably And I appreciate you sticking through them.
Thank you so much for your donation.
Thanks for that message I'm very grateful warmest wishes to you as well And thank you to all the patrons and people who donate to this show It always warms my heart when I see any type of support like that come through so if you are listening right now and you find value in the show and you want a Way to give back you can head over to more to be calm and there are ways to do that over there Thank you again.
Patrons. Thanks, Sandra.
And thanks to anyone who's ever given to the show.
I appreciate you. Now let me tell you about my other podcast on how to deal with difficult relationships.
Go to love and abuse .com.
And that's where I have the podcast love and abuse, mostly about controlling and manipulative and emotionally abusive relationships, and all kinds of ways to deal with them over there and helps you learn if you are actually in an emotionally abusive relationship, which can be very helpful.
Because once you know what you're in, then you know what to look up and listen to and it helps you make a decision that's right for you.
That's loveandabuse .com.
And if you know you're the difficult one in the relationship, maybe you're doing controlling or manipulative or in this case, judgmental behaviors, you can join a program that is helping a lot of people heal over at healedbeing .com and that's where I help you stop doing those behaviors.
I have a comprehensive program on that.
That's over at healedbeing .com.
And with that, always keep your mind open because that's how you make the best decisions, and be firm in your decisions and actions so that you can create the life you want.
Always take steps to grow and evolve.
You are powerful beyond measure and above all, and this is something I absolutely know to be true about you.
You are amazing! . .
. . . you
